


I'll be your home

by carmen_sandiego



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birth, Break Up, Character Death, Developing Relationship, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Fertility Issues, Future Fic, Grief/Mourning, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Oral Sex, Original Character Death(s), Post-Break Up, Pregnancy, Sex, Sharing a Bed, Unplanned Pregnancy, VM are still endgame, Weddings, we're in some kind of slow burn territory now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-07-24 17:33:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 261,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16179872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmen_sandiego/pseuds/carmen_sandiego
Summary: Scott and Tessa continue with their post-competition, post-TYCT lives. Just not quite in the way they might have expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! If you're just starting in on this fic, please allow me to indicate: This story is definitely more of a marathon than a sprint; Please do read the descriptive tags; Please don't feel obligated to read or continue if you find that this fic is not one you are enjoying. 
> 
> I think this is now at a length that would be a lot to read in one sitting. Get comfy!
> 
> *
> 
>  
> 
> A general disclaimer: I started outlining and writing this at the end of August 2018, before anything was known about Gold Medal Plates or post-TYCT commitments, so please interpret any implied RL events in this fic as, well, fictional as of what was generally known this past summer. I'm just rolling with that.
> 
> A big thank you to my beta readers, any remaining mistakes or inconsistencies are definitely my own. 
> 
> Title is taken from the song of the same name, which has been in my head basically since the spring when I saw [this excellent fanvid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gExZXBWreE). (If you're the one who made the fanvid, congrats on your excellent work!)

 

It was inevitable. Of course it was, she realizes somewhere between Thank You Ilderton and Thank You Canada. It’s like the truth of it finally washes over her.

At first it’s just like a slow moving stream of an idea, as for the first time in so long she allows it to take permanent shape and movement in her mind. Then as she lets herself consider that it really could be possible - that after all this time they really could let themselves have _this_ , this final _thing_ they’ve been actively avoiding as long as she can remember. It’s like a flood, now, this idea floating all around her.

Because it’s not that she hasn’t wanted it, Tessa allows herself to admit. It’s not that she hasn’t had a lifetime of experience admiring him, loving him, being his friend and partner in literally every other way. It’s not that she doesn’t think that they wouldn’t be good together. It’s just…

And that’s when she realizes she’s out of _just_ s. They’re champions in every way now, having long perfected the art of respecting every logical reason to stay partners and not lovers. But in the wide aftermath of the Olympics she starts to realize how many of those reasons don’t have any foundation anymore. They’ve all but formally admitted their retirement from competition. They’ve finished their book together, written down everything that needs to be written to confirm the true realities of their partnership and commitment to each other. And now they’re almost at the end of their new tour, wrapping up months of planning and investment and choreography and commitment.

They’re here now landing in St. John’s, at the opposite end of the country from where they started - not so far off from the cities that have been the starting place for them in so many other tours in so many other years. _We’ve literally come full circle_ , she thinks as the plane touches down, Scott dozing lightly in the seat next to her.

She taps her finger lightly along his wrist, her hand coming to rest against his and squeezing.

“Hey, we’re here,” she tells him, in case he’s managed to entirely sleep through the impact of touchdown in their tiny plane that barely fits more people than a commuter bus.

He blinks himself awake, squeezing her hand back. “Did I sleep the whole way?” he asks.

“Just about,” she laughs. “I wouldn’t expect anything less after all these years.”

He leans over and kisses her cheek as though on muscle memory. “Can’t wait to get to the venue later. Last one, T. We did it.”

“I know, I almost can’t believe it.”

“Believe it, baby. Add tour producer to your resume now, Canada’s gonna start having expectations.”

“Oh, like they didn’t already?” she asks, genuinely incredulous. She likes it when he’s like this, half-dozy and ready to say anything that will convince her to keep taking over the world with him.

She’s out of reasons not to open herself up to this, she realizes - everything that _this_ might be. _Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard, after all_.

 

*

 

The roar of the crowd in the arena is unshakable - has been almost the whole tour. They take their final bows with thunderous applause ringing in their ears. Scott kisses her cheek like always, but as the lights go down he releases his grip slightly so he can lift his hand to brush her chin. Tessa turns her face towards his, her smile broadening for a moment into a beaming, open expression of happiness. He wonders if she’s mirroring him as her features relax into something more subdued, more intimate possibly.

When he leans in the second time they’re surrounded not by spotlights but by darkness, the kind that can only come from a sudden absence of light. The sound of distant blades and the smell of cooling sweat swirling around them like a fog are what envelop them as they skate off of the ice, trailing behind the rest of the cast. When they’re still in the darkness of the tunnel Scott pulls at her hand, stopping them, and then does what he’s wanted to do so many times in this last year, and covers her lips with his.

 

*

They step backstage hand in hand, never letting go until the last possible moment until he leaves her at the door to the ladies dressing room. Tessa pauses for a moment to look back at him, wanting to say more but very much not wanting to do it surrounded by the rest of the tour’s cast and crew when she does it.

Thankfully Scott just squeezes her hand and presses a kiss to her cheek. “See you back out here in twenty? Last meet and greet for a while, T.”

She’d nearly forgotten about those. “Yeah. Yes, of course,” she nods. “We can...talk, after?” And then she remembers. “After the wrap party?”

“I’d like that,” he agrees, smiling, and suddenly she feels warm all over. She’s not terribly keen on waiting much longer before getting to find out if that kiss was just part of his final bow or something more. What’s even more interesting to her then is how much she doesn’t seem to mind finding out - because she at least is not at all confused.

He kisses her on the cheek again and squeezes both hands before walking off to his locker room, and she wills herself to walk away.

 

*

The wrap party has been a sheer delight since it started, the familiar pleasure over finishing a tour combined with the exhilaration of having pulled off the first one of this kind. There’s been more than a few “how about it next year?” sort of comments which both he and Tessa brush off with chiding laughter, and more than a few side glances. Truthfully neither of them ever directly ruled out a tour reprise, but it would be very hard to re-capture the magic of teaming up with this group of skaters. Not to mention the still-lingering elation coming off of this Olympic year. They’ve made quite a collective mark on Canadian figure skating that might not be repeated for a while.

So they make this about what it is - the end of the best working cross-country vacation any of them could have asked for, with a crew that has been far too generous and patient with them for their own good. There’s laughter, and food and drink, and a lot of stories.

Scott watches Tessa make the circuit of the room, making sure she has time for everyone, and he feels so many things for her just then. He’s loved skating with her the last couple of months, prepping the new choreography and doing all the planning. He didn’t even mind reviewing the logos for the millionth time, or dealing with the bus breakdown that nearly stalled them from getting out of British Columbia way back in the beginning. She’s never failed him, never made him feel regrets over anything.

He kissed her as they stepped off the ice tonight because she’s the best person he knows, and he didn’t want to wait another moment longer before showing her that. And he hopes he gets to do it again, soon.

Both of them give speeches before letting the evening carry on - not long ones, but enough to convey how glad they are to have been on this adventure, how the tour truly has been a joy for them.

“If it had just been me and Tess on our own with this we probably wouldn’t have gotten much farther than Red Deer,” Scott quips when it’s his turn. He keeps going, telling everyone how they may have been the headlining producers, but they truly feel it’s been a group effort. “We’re the luckiest people in the world, to have all of you in this room behind us, and I’m pretty sure the rest of Canada thanks you, too.”

A group cheer goes up, then, and everyone raises their glasses in a toast.

And there’s Tessa, next to him, looking at him with the biggest smile on her face, like he’s done something far more important than just pull off a skating tour.

She wraps her arms around his waist as they step away from the spotlight and the pub band picks up again, fitting herself into her side like she’s done so many times before.

“Thank you, Scott,” she says simply, her words nearly muffled as she leans into his shoulder. “You deserve all the thanks, too, you know.”

“Same to you, T.” He wraps his arms around her, pulls her to him and breathes in the comforting scent of her, just her. “I couldn’t do this without you. Couldn’t do a lot of things without you,” he adds.  

She shifts, bringing her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against his collarbone. “I love you, you know,” she says, and he wonders why she’d ever doubt that he knows that.

“I love you back,” he says simply, and lets himself hold her, as the celebration continues around them.

 

*

 

“I’m going to go get changed. Come find me upstairs when you’re ready?” She’d squeezed his hand when she said it, not wanting any confusion over her meaning. She hopes she’d managed to read him right, that the kiss on the ice and his warmth afterwards weren’t things she’d imagined in her mind.

But then there’s a knock on the door to her room, and she breathes out a sigh, smiling.  

“Hey,” he greets her when she opens the door.

“Do you want a drink?” she asks, not sure exactly what small talk she’s supposed to start with in this situation, but fairly certain there has to be some.

He just shakes his head, his gaze shifting between her eyes and her lips. A slow smile paints his expression. “Do you?”

“No,” she answers, letting him step ever nearer to her, closing the distance between them even as she backs fully against the wall near the door. Soon she has a smile on her face to match his.

“So then what would you like to do?”

“I want you to kiss me again,” she says, just seconds before his lips cover hers for the second time that night.

Her hands slide up his body, up the strong muscles of his chest and shoulders, coming to wrap around his neck and bring him even closer towards her. He responds in kind, pulling her into his arms, pressing his hands along her body with an insistence he’s never allowed himself with her on the ice. It’s a good kiss, one she’s been waiting a long time for. Truthfully, there are a lot of things she’s been waiting a long while to do with him.

With that thought in her mind she parts her mouth under his, feeling his tongue run along the edge of her lips and then her tongue. She breathes him in as they entwine themselves further. She rakes her hands through his hair the way she likes doing when they’re on the ice - but lets herself grasp and pull this time, as though signalling her possession of him before they’ve barely had time to get started.

In response Scott reaches down and lifts her, holding her with both hands as he presses her against the wall. It’s a better angle, now that she can press herself down against him, plunder his mouth just the way he’s been doing with her. She breaks for a moment for air, letting her head fall back against the wall behind her. His lips find her neck, mouthing against the open expanse of skin there.

For a moment she can’t even remember what she’s wearing, until his hand slips underneath the fabric of her top and she remembers the tour gear. She thinks, then, she’d be okay not looking at their logo again for quite a while after wearing very little else the last month and a half, and that she’d very much like him to help her out with that. She tightens her legs around him, feeling the heat of him beneath her through the thin fabric of her leggings.

“ _Tess_ ,” he breathes out, amazed. At least he’s not disappointed, certainly, and neither is she. Far from it.

“I want you,” she answers in much the same state. She runs her hands through his hair again, bringing her gaze to rest on his. His eyes are so dark, so wanting, but she needs to be sure. “I want you, now, and I really hope you want me, too.”

“Oh my God, T, of course I do,” he answers by kissing her again, even more deeply than before if it’s possible. She wraps her legs yet more tightly around his waist, needing more pressure than what she’s getting right now.

“Bed, now,” Tessa gasps out. She presses one hand into his shoulder, kneading. Finally he grasps her underneath her legs, shifting their weight back to him and moving them through the suite towards her bed.

She can’t tell if this is too fast or far too slow, given how long they’ve waited. She knows what the world thinks, how no one would believe them if they said they’d never done this before - what she surely hopes they’re about to do together now.

He sets her down on the king-sized bed, still standing as he strokes his hands down her arms, touching her lovingly. He’s still catching his breath, and so is she. She thinks maybe that’s a good thing, but as she looks up at him then she’s not so sure.

“Hey, come here,” she says, reaching up to stroke one hand across his cheek. “Is this okay?”

He clasps her hand in both of his and sits down next to her. He presses a kiss to her hand, holding it tightly. He’s looking around the room as if second-guessing himself, as if maybe the place to do this isn’t some mundane corporate-looking hotel suite at the edge of a city on the edge of the country.

Then he’s looking back at her with such each affection that it makes her glad she’s sitting down already.

“Tess, we’ve waited so long, for this. Is this...is this what you want? Tonight?”

She’s nodding, her mind made up long before she’d even realized it. “You’re all I want, Scott. Here, or at home, or some fancy hideaway…” she exhales, touching his face again with her free hand. “You, just you, that’s what I want.” She shakes her head. “And I don’t want to wait anymore.”

He kisses her then, soft and slow at first. He releases her hand, bringing one of his to cup her face, almost impossibly gentle. Then she reaches for him, slips her hand underneath his shirt. His hand traces a path along her neck, slipping under the edge of the wide collar and her bra strap along with it.

They part again, pulling off clothes and making quick work of dropping them at the edge of the bed. Then it’s just them, fumbling with the covers and coming together in the dim light, skin against skin. He rolls them so he’s looking up at her and she sinks down on him in one swift motion, finished with patience for tonight. It’s not long before he’s moving beneath her, matching her rhythm so easily it’s almost unfair. He brings her down closer to him so he can kiss her as they move - her mouth, her cheek, her neck. She thinks he hears him say _I love you_ , more than once, murmured on the warmth of his breath.

He waited. _He waited for me. For us._ It’s this thought that rises through her several minutes later as she feels herself starting to shudder. Then as she tightens around him everything in her seems to explode all at once, and he follows not long after her.

It’s a moment later when he’s kissing her face that she realizes she’s shed some tears in the process, her body releasing so much pleasure and emotion all at once. She comes to rest against him, boneless and content as he wraps her in his arms.

  


*

 

They return home from tour to a different Montreal than the one they left at the start. Instead of two lives lived in parallel spaces they have one, now, with a wide number of possibilities spread out before them.

Scott lets the cab drop Tessa off at her building first, helping her with her suitcases and kissing her goodbye while they’re inside the door. He returns to his place with a plan to unpack, catch up on phone calls, figure out some groceries, do laundry, and see her again the next day.

He gets as far as unpacking. He’s been away from her for a couple of hours and it’s already too much time apart. Before he knows it he’s picking up some supplies to make a quick dinner and wearing a path back to Tessa’s. By the time he’s at her front door again he punches in her code and texts her that he’s on his way up.

Tessa answers the door just as he’s about to knock. She pulls him inside by one hand and closes the door behind him with the other.

“So I know we said tomorrow, but I-”

And then her mouth is on his. She’s got him pressed against the door as quickly as he walked through it.

“I brought food, in case we-”

“Later,” she mumbles against his lips. “Want you first,” she says, deftly taking the bag from his hands while her lips never leave his.

He starts walking them farther inside her apartment, stopping them just inside the kitchen while she deposits the food on the counter. Then he wastes no time wrapping his arms around her, hands seeking as much of her as he can get. He squeezes her bottom with one hand, the other slipping up under the hem of her sweater and finding smooth skin beneath. She lets out a kind of startled squeak in response to his cold hand on her skin, then wraps her arms around his shoulders, deepening her kiss once more.

“Bedroom?” He murmurs.

“Mmm,” Tessa says in assent. She makes fast work of unzipping his coat and discarding it on the floor. “Quickly please.”

He doesn’t ask twice.

 

*

 

It’s different, now, getting to be with Scott like this. To admire him up close whenever she wants, however she wants. She can run her hand through his hair, now almost long enough that it gets in his eyes. She can kiss him whenever she likes, wherever she likes - or just about. They’re not telling anyone about them just yet, at least not outside their immediate circle, and she’s very, very okay with that. After years of scrutiny and intrusion she wants so much to just have this with him, as much time as they can together before the world intrudes.

He’s matured so much in the last few years, in so many ways. Somewhere between Sochi and Pyeongchang he grew up, she doesn’t mind thinking. In her mind she has a slide show of moments between the two of them. The catalog of the last three years replays itself more often as she reflects on how they are together now. She sees how open he’s been with her this whole time, how ready and vulnerable. And how much she was holding herself back until the last possible second.

In the dim light of dawn she reaches out to run a hand along his forehead, across his cheek. There are a few lines that didn’t used to be there. Her fingers linger on those, committing the topography to her memory.

She knows gratitude isn’t the first romantic, passionate word she should be thinking but it’s the one that comes to mind just now. It’s not the only emotion inside her now, but she couldn’t describe how she’s feeling right now without it.

Tessa presses a soft kiss to his lips, gentle and adoring. He’s all hers, she thinks, all hers if she wants him to be. It’s an amazing, humbling, exhilarating feeling.  


*

 

A few days before they leave for the holidays, they both spend the day at the rink. He’s been doing a lot more shadowing with Patrice, working more intensively with the junior teams in particular. And while Tessa doesn’t want to step in his way - he’s told her several times she’d never be in his way - he knows she does enjoy spending time at Gadbois, and has said to him how she misses working there. It hasn’t been that long since their Thank You Canada Tour prep concluded, but now nearly a year since they were training under them, and he knows that’s the real passage of time she feels.

So she’s agreed to drop in with Scott once or twice a week and work with Marie-France when she wants the extra support. It helps her - helps both of them, really - knowing there’s a skating home waiting for them, still.

The day passes quickly, and well. He glances over at her, can tell from her expression she’s feeling the exertion of a good workout in her muscles, and her mind is brimming with ideas to keep working on after the holidays. Scott’s not finished yet, but she’s already reaching for her phone, her mind quickly turning to the notifications she’s been neglecting. She’d talked about the sponsorship photoshoots she needs to start setting up for January, so he guesses that’s what she’ll be looking at now as she leaves for her place.

“Hey,” he skates up to her. “How about I meet you later with dinner?”

“Yeah?” She smiles back at him. “That would be amazing, I don’t think I have time to try cooking something and, well...probably I should spend an hour or so catching up.”

“That’s perfect, because I think I need another hour with these guys.” He nods towards Anna and Ravi - about fourteen, she thinks - who are almost finished getting their breath back from their last program run-through.

“You’re going to make them do another full run-through aren’t you?” She shakes her head at him. She’s not wrong though. He wonders how he’s managed to become _that_ coach in such a short period of time.

“You bet I am.” He leans in and kisses her on the cheek. “See you back at your place in a bit?”

“I’ll be waiting,” she says, her smile widening.

He watches her skate off the ice, unbelievably glad for his life at that particular moment.  

 

*

An hour and a half later he's standing in her kitchen unpacking cartons of food.

“Oh my God, Scott, how long are you planning to feed us for?”

He chuckles in agreement, unpacking one container after the other without a hint of apology.

“I couldn’t help myself. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had fresh naan?” He’s brought her favourites and his too - which are now mostly the same. He’d had to stop himself from running through half the menu before placing the final order.

“Of course I do,” Tessa says, coming to join him at the kitchen island. “Probably as long as me.” She sets plates in front of them, and adds serving spoons to each dish as he opens the lids. He watches as she stops and takes in the scents. “Here, give me your coat,” she says suddenly, and he pauses to let her.

Her hands glide along his shoulders as she slips the coat from him, not nearly for long enough. When they’re with each other now, both in private and often out in public, he just wants to be as near to her as he can. Like this might just be a fleeting thing after all and he needs to absorb as much of her presence as possible.  

“Thank you for the food.” She presses a kiss to his cheek before walking away to hang up his coat, and he smiles.

“Of course, T.” He lets one hand come to rest on her thigh when she settles in next to him, brushes his thumb along the curve of her knee. A part of him still can’t believe he gets to do this with her now, be her person that comes home at the end of the day.

It takes longer for his cheeks to thaw from being outside in the cold than it does for them to settle in for their meal.

“Tell me about your day, Scott,” she says as she starts eating, much as she has on so many other days. Now when she asks him, though, it feels more important than it did before. It’s like she’s making up for the fact that she can’t live his exact day with him anymore. Like she needs him to tell her everything so she’ll be in his corner with him, ready and prepared.

Then he tells himself if this were a fleeting thing they wouldn’t be sitting here like this after so many weeks and years, talking as though they’ve got nowhere else to be. They wouldn’t be making plans for a joint holiday spent divided between both their families, or for whether they still want to commit to Stars on Ice and Gold Medal Plates next year and how they’ll manage the spotlight together, now.

They sit nestled next to each other at the kitchen island, their intermittent conversation formed from everything they did that day. She rests her hand on top of his and listens to him, lets him listen to her.

It’s just how he always hoped it would be.

  


*

 

Scott joins her for Christmas, to her extreme delight. He stays with her at her house, for the first time, and he spends Christmas Eve with her and her family, to her mother’s great excitement. He mingles with everyone just as well as he always does, and spends as much time with Tessa’s little niece than he does with the grown-ups.

“You guys look happy together,” her sister comments, bumping shoulders with her as they watch Scott hug it out with with Kevin and Casey.

She can’t help but smile back broadly, enjoying the feeling of being happy and not having to worry about hiding it. “We are, sis.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course we are. Things are good.”

“How good are we talking about? You guys going to move in together?”

“ _Jordan_ ,” she scolds. “It’s only been a month, give us time.”

“A month for you, maybe,” her sister nudges. “The rest of us have been waiting for years.”

“I know, _believe me._ ” Tessa glares. “Just...let us enjoy it for a minute or two.”

Scott moves on from Casey and Kevin to check in on Casey’s daughter, looking at her new toys and making her laugh.

The truth is, Tessa loves him as much as ever, watching him from afar. But her sister’s words have the effect of making her wonder what _does_ happen next. Seeing Scott like this only serves to remind her how much he wants children - he’s never made a secret of it - and how she can’t say for certain when she’ll want the same thing. In reality, she likes the idea of having a family one day. But she can’t guarantee it would be on the same timeline as Scott’s. There’s more she wants to do first - more education, more experience creating her own work outside of skating.

She just doesn’t know for sure if that will be at his pace. And in spite of herself she’s not in any rush to have that conversation.

For now she’s only interested in enjoying this holiday, here with her family and the man she loves - the man who has loved her for so long, and so well. She lets Jordan pour her another glass of wine, and then goes to sit on the couch and lets Scott put his hand around hers.

 

*

There’s a moment, just after Christmas when they’re back together again in Montreal and laughing together in bed practically like children. It’s early morning and the heat hasn’t fully kicked in yet so they’re still happily entwined under the covers. Scott’s not sure exactly what he’s said to make her laugh like this, but he’ll take it. These are his favourite times with her - early in the morning when they’re both already awake but neither of them have to rush out of bed just yet. He wishes they could have whole days just like this, and starts making plans in his mind for New Year’s Day that involve just that.  

“I didn’t think I was that funny this early,” he murmurs, nuzzling against the curve of her neck. He loves this, loves breathing in the scent of her like this, relaxed and languid. She smells like sleep and cooled sweat and lotion, and the faint remnants of her perfume from the day before. God, he loves everything about her.

He nestles up more snugly next to her, his hand settling around her waist. His palm flattens against her stomach as his fingers press ever so slightly more insistently, stroking along the soft expanse of her skin.

This elicits a response of pleasure from her, so he keeps going, moving all the way lower until his fingers slide against the soft skin at the top of her thighs, then harder between her legs. He strokes again along the edge of her folds, then more insistently as he discovers her completely slick.

“God, Tess,” he mumbles.

“Mm. Morning to you too,” she breathes, her head thrown back on the pillow next to his.

It occurs to him then that he’s there too in spite of his ministrations to her, hardening against her hip like a ridiculous teenager. _Later_ , he tells himself, wanting only to lavish his attentions on Tessa.

Scott slips one finger inside the slick wetness of her, then a second. He’s never stopped enjoying the way her breath catches in the back of her throat in moments like this, the way her breathing changes and quickens the more he moves. He adds pressure with his thumb, pressing and circling in the way he now knows she likes.

She shifts one leg, widening herself further to him even as she moves her hips, meeting his motions with her own as the pressure builds. He feels her breath warm on his neck as she curls towards him, her head pressing against his shoulder. One of her hands comes up to clasp his shoulder as he keeps going, listening and feeling her out until he can tell she’s almost there, so close to her release. He dips his head, planting too-gentle kisses along her cheek, then meeting her lips at the same time as hers reach for his, kissing her through it as she tightens and gasps in his hands. He feels himself lose control then too, in spite of himself, jerking quickly against her hip and spilling into his boxers.

 _It’s like holding oxygen_ , he thinks then, heady and hazy as they breathe each other in. Like pure air, elements of being and nothing else.

Then he blinks, looking down at her and thinking once more in an uncountable number of times how beautiful she is - _especially_ _like this_ , un made-up and unmade, just the pink flush of her cheeks and exhilaration.

She kisses him again, first deep and wanting, then again more softly, riding the aftershocks and smiling back at him. He kisses her again as he slips his fingers away, and the noise she makes in the back of her throat as he does so nearly undoes him again. She clutches at him still, as though she misses him already when he’s right here in her arms pressed against her. He realizes he’s heard that noise from her before, in the dark comfort of their bed, and it thrills him a little bit to realize it’s a response she has for him, and him only.

Later, when he’s showered and thrown on fresh sweats and a tee and warming the waffle iron as she takes her time getting herself ready, it dawns on him. In the back of his mind he realizes that sound isn’t just one he’s heard from her in their bed, it’s one his brain recognizes from before. He’s heard her react like that on the ice, some time before - whether months ago or years ago his mind can’t quite place. He thinks it’s the sound of her coming out of a lift once, twisting in his arms before landing again firmly on the ice. Or... _is it_?

He’s so caught off guard he barely hears her enter the kitchen.

“Hey, you want help?” She asks, putting one hand on his back and coming to lean against him. He tries not to jump. He looks around and realizes the breakfast ingredients are all still waiting on the counter in front of them, the waffle iron heated and waiting.

“Always,” he says, pushing away his thoughts. He hands her the eggs and the buttermilk to start mixing, and he sets to work measuring out the flour.

He reminds himself it’s not a bad thing, being partners in this way alongside all of the other ways that are still with them - it’s all part of their strength, how well they know each other. What he’s trying hard not to let his mind linger on is the idea that maybe there were never as many boundaries between them as they’d thought. Maybe the only divide between them was only ever the ones they decided to create for themselves. It unsettles him in a way he can’t explain, makes him wonder how many other things he might second guess, if he let himself.

 

*

 

Two weeks after the Canadian championships Tessa’s in Toronto to meet with the Nivea team. They plan out her next series of sponsored posts and dedicate an afternoon to completing a batch of photoshoots.

It works out to meet up with Kaitlyn for dinner and Tessa’s glad to see her and catch up for the first time in a while. Kaitlyn’s fresh off her Nationals win with Andrew, and it’s nice to hear about the latest round of competition now that she’s on the other side of it. She and Scott have both been considering a return to commentating duties, but are giving themselves the year to figure out their next steps.

“So I have some news,” Kaitlyn says, after they’re settled in with their first sips of wine and a food order on the way.

Tessa immediately lights up. “Oh my gosh, tell me,” she says, leaning forward and pushing her glass aside.

“Andrew and I are engaged!”

Tessa’s far from surprised, but that doesn’t stop her from embracing her friend with genuine happiness. “That’s amazing, Kait, I’m so glad for you.”

“Thanks,” Kaitlyn answers, grinning broadly. She pulls a thin chain out from under the collar of her dress, revealing a modest but beautiful princess-cut diamond ring.

“Oh it’s so beautiful!” She examines it closely, letting it slide gently onto the end of one finger. “The setting is lovely,” she comments, and means it. She’s never gotten the chance to work with styles like this for her own collections. For a brief second she wonders what the reaction would be if she collaborated on a line of engagement rings for her next collection, and then immediately pushes that thought aside. “But wait, you’re not wearing it yet?” She gives the ring back, lets Kaitlyn draw it back inside her dress.

“No, not yet,” she says a bit ruefully.

“Are you not telling people yet?” Except, that can’t be true if she’s here now telling Tessa, she realizes.  

“We’ve told our families, and now we’re telling our friends,” she says, putting one hand on Tessa’s for emphasis. “We just want to wait until the season is all the way finished. People will notice if I show up at Worlds with a diamond on my left hand.”

“Yeah, they will. Especially that gorgeous sparkly thing,” Tessa winks.

“I know,” Kaitlyn says, clearly not running short of happiness about the whole situation. “Besides, we’d rather people spend this one talking about our skating, not whether we’re getting married. At least for the rest of this season, anyway.”

“Well, they’ll probably do that anyway,” Tessa reasons knowingly, “but I know what you mean.” A thought occurs to her then. “You’re still planning to compete next year, though, right? Finish in Montreal for Worlds?”

Kaitlyn nods. “That’s the plan. I’d like to think we’ve got another Olympics in us, but…” she trails off, shaking her head and shrugging at the same time.

Tessa nods as well, understanding perfectly.  She slips her glass of wine back into her hand, taking another sip.

Kaitlyn takes another sip of wine as well, and just then the waitress arrives with their appetizers. They pause for a few bites, commenting on each other’s choices and letting the conversation drift elsewhere. Eventually their entrees arrive and they tuck in, suddenly ravenous. Kaitlyn tells her all the behind the scenes details about Nationals from a couple of weeks ago, and what they’ve already started modifying for Four Continents and Worlds. It makes Tessa realize how far away the pace of competition already seems, even just under a year since the Pyeongchang games.

“Things are okay with you and Scott?” Kaitlyn asks a short while later, once their plates are cleared and they’re on the end of the bottle of wine.

“Yeah, they are,” Tessa says with a smile. “It’s good, being with him. As strange as it sounds it’s just...nice, you know? I think I always knew it would be good, but living it is just not the same as imagining it.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s so much _better_. I mean, it is, right?”

Tessa tries to stop herself blushing and fails miserably. “It is better,” she admits. Kaitlyn joins her in delighted, knowing laughter.

“Oh my God, you two. You waited so long for this - Jesus, _everyone_ was waiting for this - it had better be worth it.”

“It’s great, Kait, I promise. I...I really love him. And I know he loves me. I knew he loved me before, too, but...it’s so much _more_ now, like everything that’s there between us now was there before, too...” she exhales, searching for the right word. “We’re just really together now, in every way.”

Kaitlyn grins back at her. “Oh man,” she breathes. “Now I'm even more glad we're not competing against you this year. There's no way we'd be any match for you like this, all in love and in sync.”

“Oh come on, it's not that bad.”

“Please. You two already looked like little animated Disney birds help you get dressed in the morning. Now there might as well be little floating pink hearts above your head, I can see them all now.”

Tessa brings both hands to her cheeks as if embarrassed. Which is an odd reaction, it occurs to her,  because truly she feels nothing to be embarrassed over. If anything she feels wide open, like she's in entirely new territory for the first time in a very long while.

 She takes another sip of wine, pondering this for a moment as a beat of silence settles around them.

“How did you and Andrew figure all this out?” she asks then. “Being more than just skating partners.”

“Tess, I’m pretty sure you guys have been ‘more than skating partners’ for a _while_ now,” Kaitlyn answers. Tessa can practically hear the quotation marks in her voice when she says it.

“You know what I mean, though. It’s not just the being together part, is it? It’s everything that comes after. You must have figured that out.” She nods in the direction of Kaitlyn’s collar, and the ring hanging hidden once more under her dress.

“Well, sure. I mean, we’ve been talking about this for a while. We just...let ourselves figure it out, you know? We talk about things.” She pauses for a moment as if in thought. “You guys were always good at open communication, you must know how that goes.”

Tessa smiles a little wistfully. “I guess I underestimated how far ahead you guys were thinking.”

Kaitlyn chuckles, mirroring Tessa’s expression. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only ones.” She takes another sip from her glass, contemplating the conversation. “Sounds like you’re still not sure about some things, though. Are you sure everything’s good?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she insists. “It really, really is. I think we knew it would be. But now we really do have to talk about what happens next. I think we’ve both been avoiding that conversation.”

“What do you want to do next?”

“I still want my degree,” she says decisively. “I’m so close, I just need to finish a couple more courses and then I’ll finally have my Bachelor’s. But I don’t want to be done with school yet, I want the MBA, too. I want to take my courses with other students in real classrooms and pick up my diploma in person on a stage. The longer I wait the less likely I am to do it. I feel like it’s now or never.”

“And what does Scott want?” Kaitlyn asks, correctly guessing that Tessa will already know that answer, too.

Tessa lets out a breath, looking down at her wine. She swirls the glass with her hand, watching the red liquid leave trails down the inside of the glass. “He wants a family. He has for a while, we both know that.”

“He doesn’t want to wait?”

Tessa raises one eyebrow. “That’s the thing, I think he would wait for me. Actually, I know he would.”

Kaitlyn opens her mouth but pauses for a second, as if debating. “Do you want him to wait?” She asks then.

Tessa looks back at her but can’t think of her answer. She looks down at her glass as Kaitlyn reaches for her, resting her hand on top of hers. She flips her hand and squeezes back before letting go.

*

It’s February by the time they start to edge closer to the conversation. Scott’s cooking dinner for them both at her apartment - he spends more time at her place now than his own, it’s just seemed to happen that way.

Every so often she’ll insist they spend the weekend at his apartment as though trying to balance things out, but the truth is he likes it at her place better.

He likes the way she makes the space hers, the way she puts her own careful touches into everything. And he likes her kitchen, the way she keeps it fully supplied with all the cookware and appliances even though she hardly uses anything other than the coffee maker and a few pots and pans. ( _“It’s a kitchen, Scotty, it’s supposed to have all these things in it, right? It’d be like having a bedroom with no pillows. Besides, I’ll have more time to learn to use all of it now.”)_

Tonight he’s doing risotto with pan-seared trout, having picked it up fresh at the market this afternoon on the way back from the rink. The old training and meal habits die hard and neither of them are in a position to completely blow their healthy routines any time soon. But lately he’s been enjoying this new world of being able to take more time with his - their - meals, being able to prep things spontaneously sometimes, instead of planning ahead days and weeks in advance.

He places the fish in the hot pan and it releases a satisfying sizzle. The risotto is done, so he gives it one last stir and leaves it with the heat off and the lid on, before grabbing the glasses and utensils to set out on the table.

“We’re ready in a few minutes, T,” he says, pausing in his path to open the wine he’d pulled from the fridge a few minutes earlier. “Tess?”

Tessa’s on her couch with her laptop open across her folded legs, reading and scrolling through with an intent expression on her face. He steps closer, leans over the back of the couch and rubs a hand across her shoulder. She leans towards him just slightly, letting him press a kiss into her hair.

“Dinner ready?” she asks then, looking up at him.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Just finishing the fish. You good?”

“Yeah, I need to put this away for a sec anyway.” She hits a few keystrokes and nods. It looks like she’s had a few tabs and documents open at the same time.

She closes the laptop and puts it away under the coffee table, then rises to join him. He makes a quick path to the kitchen and flips the fish, letting it finish its final sear on the other side while he plates up a portion of risotto for each of them. He hears her opening the wine, followed by the sound of her pouring their glasses - probably a half a glass to start, he guesses from the sound of it, and the fact that she knows he’s got an early start tomorrow.

“Oh Scott, this is really good,” Tessa tells him a few moments later as they start their meal. “You have to show me this one, okay? I want to try risotto again, I was so much better at it the last time you tried it with me.”

“Sure, T,” he says, laughing gently. “We’ll do it together on the weekend.”

“Tell me about your day,” she asks him then. “How are the younger ones doing these days?

Although Scott won’t be headed to Worlds himself next month, a couple of the junior teams will be, and Patrice has been inviting him step in to work with them more intensively now. He knows it’s a step towards him taking over as one of the lead coaches next season. It’s challenging work, but also a lot of fun.

“They’re good. I think Junior Nationals was a good experience for them - Anna and Ravi placed Top 5, but Mary and Sebastian really wanted gold and didn’t get it. We’re workshopping some of the steps but also doing a lot of visualizing, helping them think through what it might feel like for them if they get silver again at Junior Worlds.”

He spends a lot of time now remembering his and Tessa’s years as young skaters in a different light, thinking about the things they had to learn and the methods that did and didn’t work.

“How about you? More sponsor plans?”

“Some, but mostly that’ll kick up again in the spring,” she answers, taking another bite of risotto. “It’s the courses stuff I need to figure out.”

“Yeah? You're thinking online stuff?”

“Probably, it’s still just these last couple of credits, then I can finally submit for my degree. It'd be nice to do it in person with an academic supervisor, somewhere here would probably manage it with all my transfers and everything, but…” She shrugs in closure. “If it has to be online then I can do that, too.” She takes another bite and sets down her fork, reaching for her wine.

“That's great, T. You deserve it after all this.” And truly, she does. More than that, he knows how much she wants it, how much it will mean to her to catch up to the rest of her family - her siblings all completed their university education years ago.

“Thanks. I know don't need the letters after my name, but i still want the degree.”

“Hey, take the letters, too. ‘ _Tessa Virtue, B.A., OLY._ Or, wait, does the _OLY_ come first?” He takes another bite of his fish, enjoying the flavour. Next time he'll try finishing it with a bit of sea salt, he thinks.

“Maybe,” she laughs. “I'll have to find out. And then with any luck, I'll figure out where MBA ranks on that list of titles.”

“MBA? So you're still thinking about that?”

“I am,” she nods. “I’ve...well I guess I’m actually not just thinking about it, I’ve decided. It’s what I want to do. Once I’ve got these classes done in the fall I’ll start on my application. I’ll be too late to get into this year’s round, so the next chance will be next July, maybe August.”

 _Summer 2020_ , he calculates. And if he remembers from the last time she talked about these plans, it’s a two-year program, which means it’ll be at least 2022 by the time she’s completed her education. And then probably establishing her new entrepreneurship plans after that.

“And after that?” He asks, offering a smile that he realizes doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I know you, T, you must have planned out more than the next two years.”

She smiles back, gently. “I have, sort of. I have to learn more about how they structure the program, assuming I get in, but there must be a big final project at the end, I thought I could use that as a practice for my own work. Maybe my own clothing line, or even my own brand, something more than sports clothes.”

“Oh that’s perfect for you, Tess. That’ll be such a huge opportunity.”

“I know,” she says. “At least, I hope so. Of course, I still have to apply and get accepted. I’d like to stay here, do the program at McGill if they’ll have me. ”

“Of course they will,” he says. “Who wouldn’t want you in their program?”

Scott rests his hand on hers and she takes it, smiling back at him. He wills himself to stop doing the math in his head, and knows he’s completely failing.

  


*

 

Later she cleans up with him in the kitchen. He washes, she dries, like always.

Tessa nudges him as she works, bumping his side with her elbow. “I can hear you thinking, you know.”

“Is it that obvious?”

She snorts. “How long have we known each other?”

“Long enough for me to know better, I suppose.”

“You suppose right,” she says. She’s working hard to stay light with him right now, if for no other reason than so as not to drop her perfectly good stemware on the kitchen floor. But she knows what he’s thinking, and she needs him to say it out loud so they can start figuring it out with words.

“I’m thinking...I guess I’m thinking about the next few years, too,” he admits. “And the things I’d like to do by then.”

She looks over at him, so kind and sure of himself, but so careful of her, too. “Tell me,” she says. She needs to hear it.

“I’d like to take a team of my own to the Olympics,” he starts. “I’d like to get a new place, maybe a house. Maybe here, too. And I’d like...I’d like to start a family.” He pauses, lets the pot he was scrubbing slip back into the sink. He turns, looking at her with restrained hope in his expression. “And I’d like to do those things with you,” he says then without hesitation.

Tessa softens under his gaze. She puts down the glass she’s been holding, along with the dish towel.

“Those are good plans,” she says, offering him a gentle smile. She brings a hand to his face, brushing at a bit of suds that he’s somehow transferred to the line of his cheek. “Good dreams.”

She doesn’t say anything more than that, not now. She doesn’t know if the picture of her next few years can be made to fit into his; She can’t be sure yet if or when a family of her own will be part of her reality. And she definitely cares for him too much to make him wait even longer for him to have the reality he wants, just so she could walk her own road for a while.

She knows as soon as she tells him any of this it will open up more uncertainty, make room for the possibility that they’re not taking the same life path alongside each other after all. But she will need to, she realizes, and soon.

 

*

It’s another couple of nights later when he brings the conversation to the surface again, late, after they’re lying in her bed and the lights are out. Tessa’s relaxed but not yet on the verge of falling asleep when she feels him shift behind her, turning so his arm is wrapped around her, pressing himself close. She can feel the steady warmth of his breath on her shoulder.  

“What if…” he starts, taking in a long breath as though confirming he wants to ask the question. “What if I waited for you.”

His voice is so filled with hope it almost breaks her heart. She can feel herself starting to well up all of a sudden, when just a moment ago her thoughts had been completely blank, worry-less.

She shifts too, turning herself so she’s facing him, letting her hand rest against his chest. In the darkness of the bedroom she feels him more than sees him. Her hand drifts along his chest and then his shoulder and arm. All she can think just then is how much she loves him, that she loves him too much to be anything but completely honest right now.

“What if you wait for me and I still don’t know?” she asks, shaking her head. “I don’t think I could do that to you. I’d never be able to live with it.”

His breath is warm against her cheek. He pulls her closer, sliding his arms around her waist like he’s done so many times before. “You would be worth the wait, Tess. You’ve always been worth the wait.”

“You were, too, you know,” she says, her voice gravelly and rough. He’s right, she knows he is. They’ve kept on being worth the wait, kept on showing up for each other over and over again, for so many years.

“I would wait for you, Tess. You’re not just worth waiting for, you’re worth fighting for. Tell me how to do that, tell me how to fight for us, and I’ll do it.”

“I know you would,” she says immediately. “I love for that, that you would do that for me.” She hates that they’ve gotten here so quickly, hates that she doesn’t have any other answer for him right now. “But if you’re looking for a fight it’s me you’ll have to do that with, no one else,” she gasps out, trying to keep herself steady and failing.

He’s silent for a moment before answering. His hand grasps at her waist, kneading at the soft flesh and muscle there. “I don’t want to fight with you,” he says, quietly then. “I just want to be with you.”

“But you want all of those other things, too,” she whispers. “And I don’t know when or if I’ll be able to give you them. What if those things are waiting for you out there with someone else, someone who won’t make you wait?”

He bends towards her, pressing his face towards hers. His breathing is heavy, as though he’s struggling to come up with an answer. She can feel his cheek pressed against hers, his arms wrapping around her.

She buries herself in his arms, too, pressing her lips against the curve of his neck, feeling the warmth of his breath against her shoulder.

It feels like she’s being cheated out of a different conversation, now, like she should be able to just agree with him and know for sure that in a few years she’ll be there for him, ready to make Scott happy and fill their shared lives with everything he’s wanted for his future. But then she can’t say for sure how her future would change in that picture, or the things she might end up pushing aside.

So, all that comes to her is more silence.

Tessa  wraps herself more tightly in his embrace, feeling his heartbeat steady against hers.  


*

It’s the middle of March when she hits them with the idea, when they’re in the middle of workshopping program ideas for Stars on Ice with Marie-France and Sam.

“I have an idea, but I don’t know if it...It might be too close for comfort,” she tells him.

They’re on a break standing by the boards, talking through what to do for their signature number. Sam’s been working on a new piece for them for the first half of the show - it’s a ridiculously upbeat number set to a remix of Carly Rae Jepsen alongside an up and coming dance artist - but it’s the second half they’re still trying to figure out. With no Olympic year or competition cycle to draw on this time around, they’re left with an abundance of choice. It’s one of the few moments Scott’s had recently where he feels the lack of competition - the last year has been so freeing in so many ways, but without so many of the familiar structures and routines that propped up the last decade of their lives, especially.

“Okay, let’s hear it,” he responds, unhesitating.

She takes in a breath like she’s steadying herself. “We bring back ‘What’s Love.’ We use it, skate it for the two of us, help us figure out...the things we’re trying to figure out right now.”

“ _Tess_ ,” is all he can respond all of a sudden, not having expected that suggestion from her in the slightest.

Truthfully, as he’d run through their past catalog in his mind trying to come up with one of their older routines to suggest, he’d thought briefly about mentioning ‘What’s Love,’ but quickly discarded it. It’s not that they haven’t skated exhibition programs before that were a little too on the nose. He knows, for example, they’re never going to live down the narrative they built up for ‘Stay,’ that they probably hadn’t been ready to lay that much of their own truth down on the ice like that but had gone for it anyway.

But this time is different even from that. This time they _know_ what they could have together because they’ve already started living it. They know each other in every way now and they couldn’t say that before. This time the stakes are just higher - he knows she knows that, too.

“I know,” she says, “I know. It could be a lot. It _would_ be a lot. I just think, maybe it’s what we need? Something to help us decide.” She shakes her head. “If we can’t figure it out off the ice then maybe we need to do it on the ice, you know?”

For a second he doesn’t know quite what to say, just looks back at her, his mind cataloging the details of her, _Tessa_.

“But...what about feelings on the ice not being the truth, sometimes?” he asks. “What about not being able to trust how we feel all the time when we’re out here?”

Tessa’s thinking for a second, not deterred in the least, he thinks, but trying to figure out how to explain it to him. Eventually she shakes her head. “But this isn’t about scores, this time,” she says. “It’s not about judges, or medals, or results. It’s just _us_ . We’ll know how it feels between _us_ , that’s the only part that matters.”

He sees the determination in her eyes, the set of her mouth as her lips press themselves together to steady herself. He can see she’s decided, it’s just a matter of convincing him. And God help him, he’s never been good at saying no to her.

Amazingly, he finds himself agreeing with her the longer they stand together, contemplating it. “Okay. We’ll do it. Let’s see what Sam and Marie think.”

She nods back at him briskly, some cocktail of relief and nervousness in the air between them. “Maybe we’ll add something new to it this time, I bet Marie-France will have some ideas.”

“Oh, she’ll always have some ideas,” he agrees, although in this case he’s sure she’ll have some questions for them, too. He can already picture the off-ice conversations in his mind.

“Besides,” she adds, “it’s still a great routine, right? I think I always wanted to go back to it, have another run at it at least once.”

“Yeah,” he thinks. “Me too.”

 _It’s the routine that brought us back to each other_ , he thinks, as they skate back towards the others. He prays it’s not the one that breaks them apart.

 

*

 

At first, it’s fine. It’s good, even - the familiar choreography and music settle around them well, almost like putting on a comforting sweater long forgotten in a box in the back of the closet. The program that, three and half years ago, had been new and taken some practice and learn in sequence, now feels sturdy and time-tested. It’s apparent to them then how many elements of it have seeded the ones that followed; How for all its undertones of angst and tension, the program actually paved the way for the success and intensity of the next version of their partnership.

Working with Sam and Marie-France, they make some updates to the choreography, deciding to add in a lift earlier to the program, and lengthening one of the step sequences in the second half.

They go into the tour with eyes open, no hidden secrets. They’ve been honest with each other in their conversations in the dark hours together, knowing fully that this tour will end one of two ways for them - with renewed commitment to each other, or with a parting.

They start in St. John’s this time instead of Halifax, a stark mirror image of their last tour that ended here on this same ice. The crowds are electric. Their original routine in the first half is met with enthusiasm, as expected. When they take the ice for ‘What’s Love’, this time in updated costumes but with the same musical track, the response is immediate. The crowds cheer and applaud as they start, then fall into rapt near-silence as the routine progresses. By the time they’re closing in on the last thirty seconds all they can hear is the sound of their own blades, all they feel is touching and reaching for each other as the program reaches its finale, just before they release each other and glide away.

The applause is as loud as they can remember. When it’s over they embrace and take their bows with genuine smiles and waves, and that night in their hotel room they sleep soundly.  

The reviews online are effusive, praising their artistry and unparalleled skating partnership after so many years together - and spark a fever pitch of renewed speculation on the romance that must be real between the two of them behind the scenes.

 

*

 

It’s a few shows later when they reach Montreal and they start toying with one of the lifts in practice when things start to feel different. Scott wants to bring up the dramatic feel a bit earlier still in the program, and Tessa’s hesitating.

In the end they come to a compromise and work with a modified lift in the second minute, adding an extra element with Scott twisting her around his shoulders before she twists away from him. In order to match the choreography it means they have to exit the element without looking at each other. They can do it in a technical sense, of course - they always could manage just as well by touch as with eye contact - but the resulting effect is to emphasize the emotional distance in the tone of the piece, more so than the connection.

They use the practices before the Toronto and Hamilton shows to try to rework it, but nothing else strikes a better balance and so they return to the original modification from a few shows before. What’s more, they can tell the rest of the cast knows something’s up, between them - at least among the other skaters it’s no secret what they are to each other - and they’re starting to dodge more than a few questioning, sympathetic glances.

By the time they get to London they find they’re exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and the few days respite in the schedule comes at the most welcome time possible.

 

*

 

“How are you two, really?” her mother asks her the morning after the London show.

They’re drinking coffee in Tessa’s kitchen, the only ones in her house right now. Scott's at his parents house for a couple of days, allowing them a short break from each other. They'd reasoned it would help them clear their heads.

Just now Tessa can't say she feels any clearer, just tired and muddled. Though they'd not yet reached the point of moving in together, it's still been months since she's slept alone with any regularity. She misses him.

“I don’t know, Mom,” she admits. “It was so good for a while, so, _so_ good. And then once we started needing to make plans more than a couple months ahead everything just got more uncertain all of a sudden.” She shakes her head. “I still want to be with him so much. Being with him is so easy. It’s the rest of it that’s just…” She exhales. “Turns out this is harder than we thought.”

Tessa hasn’t told her mother the full details of why they chose the program they did - though she’s readying herself for that interrogation with Jordan, she can feel it coming like a sixth sense. Deep down she knows how the rationale behind their decision would falter under anything but the slightest scrutiny, how they barely scraped by Marie-France’s questions when they first brought the idea to her and Sam weeks ago. Rationally she knows what they’re doing is unwise - unhealthy, even, using their on-ice performance like a lab experiment for their feelings. And she knows Scott’s drive to push the program and modify it him doing exactly what he’s wanted to do for weeks. He’s trying to fight for her - for them - in the only way she’s left for him to do.

But even as she recognizes these things, it’s even worse to think that that they might otherwise go through months or even years more, circling around each other in a holding pattern that might make one or both of them unhappy. She stands by the choice, but that doesn’t make it any easier to justify it to anyone outside of their partnership, as it turns out.

“Do you know what you want to do?” Kate asks after a bit of silence has passed.

Tessa takes another sip of her coffee before answering. “I know what I want. And I think I know what he wants. I’m just not sure if it’s the same thing as what I need. What would be...best, for both of us.” She swallows against the lump forming in the back of her throat. She can’t believe she’s actually saying these things out loud to her mother, when a few months ago they were here together at Christmas having a very, very different conversation.

“Oh, honey,” her mother says simply, putting one hand on hers. “You’ll figure it out, you’ve always been able to do that when it’s been tough. You’ve had practice at it, both of you.”

She’s shaking her head, almost in an involuntary response. “But what if we don’t this time, though? What if we shouldn’t have gone down this path with each other? Maybe it really was foolish of us to try.”

Kate squeezes her hand. “The two of you are stronger than you think, I really believe that.”

Tessa ducks her head, feeling the weight of the last few weeks settling over her. The lyrics of the song keep travelling through her mind, over and over as though mocking her. Kate pulls her into her arms, then, no other answer but just to hold her. She rests her head on her mother’s shoulder and just sinks in, lets herself believe her boosting words at least for a few more moments.

*

 

By the time they’ve finished the string of prairie tour stops, it’s clear to both of them what the answer to their question is. They can tell without even verbalizing it, which way they’re headed. They skate away from each other over the final beats of the program, listening to the Edmonton crowd cheer their hearts out for them, and feel the distance separating them even more strongly than before. They look back at each other just before their final bows, smiles plastered on their faces by rote now. But this time he can see tears pricking at the corner of her eyes as she looks back at him.

He knows the crowd won’t know anything differently, but Scott can’t help the way his heart sinks, seeing the truth of her reaction.

He wraps his arm around her as they skate off the ice, and she takes his other hand in hers. She can’t let him go, not yet, and neither can he.

 

*

 

“Do you think maybe it was always going to end this way? Like, maybe we needed to get it out of our systems?” She’s lying next to him in the dim morning light of their Victoria hotel suite. Her eyes are shining just a little, partly from sleep but more from emotion, he thinks. It’s always been in moments like these that they’ve been the most honest with each other, so of course the conversation comes to the surface now.

Tonight will be the last show of their tour, the closing moment on this terrible, beautiful experiment they set for themselves. They both know this will be their last skate like this, the last time they’ll take the ice as romantic partners. Part of him is so enormously relieved that they never went public with this new aspect of their relationship. Another part of him still loves her more than he ever has. And the rest is a combination of grief and anger and sadness that he’s never felt before, not quite like this.

He went into this tour knowing just as well as she did what they were attempting, and now that he has to accept it - accept the decision he sees in her eyes, and the one he’s probably wearing in his expression every time he looks at her - he’s looking for the last way out, the last exception. And finding none. 

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “Maybe we really could never get our timing right. And no,” he shakes his head. “I don’t think you’ll ever be out of my system, T. I love you too much,” he says, meaning every word.

“Don’t say that,” she says, half-burying her face in the pillow.

“What? Don’t say I love you?” He pulls at her hand, holds it in his and clasps it against his chest. “I could never not love you, Tess. I’m not built for it.”

She gasps out a cry, hiding her face from him. “Me either,” she finally says, and it’s like his heart can’t decide what to feel. He’s spent the last year - maybe the last decade - hoping for everything that this conversation and this tour aren’t going to let him have by the end.

He pulls her towards him, only knowing that he wants his arms around her right now. Especially if there’s now a ticking clock on the number of times he’ll be able to do that, like this. He presses his lips to her cheeks and her forehead, then the side of her face, presses his hand against the bare length of her body as though memorizing it with his touch.  

“I love you so much, Scott, I always will. I never thought…” she says before her words stop, her breathing ragged. “I just never thought I’d have to make a choice between loving you like this and loving you like a friend.” She shakes her head. “I can’t lose both of those at once, I don’t know how to.”

He wraps his arms even more tightly around her, breathing her in as she shudders. Her tears were always more than he could bear. He wishes there was something he could confront, some person or thing he could defend her against and fix all of this to make things better for her. Except there isn’t anyone else - only her, and him. He can see it in her, how she's come to this realization so deeply - it makes the fight in him dissolve, and all he's left with his the need to hold her, feel her skin under his touch. 

Eventually she calms, her breathing returning closer to normal patterns. Her hand strokes against him, moving along the muscles of his arm and shoulder as though helping him to settle, too. “I don’t know what to do, now. How do we do this?” she asks.

“I don’t know either.”

She’s silent for a moment, her hand stilling in its movements. “What do you want to do?”

It turns out he only needs a second to think before answering.  “I want us to still be together for a little bit longer. I want to skate tonight, for you and me, and then I want to come back here and make love to you.”

Slowly, she smiles up at him with shimmering eyes, and then nods. “Yes,” she says, “I want that too.”

 

*

In the end, their last show in Victoria turns out to be the one that feels most like their first. Knowing their answer ends up being the thing that frees them, in a strange way. They give themselves over fully to the programs, to the music, feeling all of it in the way that would only be possible with the knowledge that it’s for the last time.

Tessa lets herself enjoy the light energy of their program in the first half of the show, joins in with the group numbers with an elation that she’s glad to still find within herself. When they skate their number in the second half it’s back to their original choreography, having scrapped the modifications they struggled through over the course of the first half of the tour. She pours all of her passion and emotion into it, feels him matching her beat for beat. It’s like coming home, in a way, knowing that he’s still here for her like this even as they are on the verge of parting.

The crowd is on their feet before the lights even go down. After their bows he presses his lips to her hand before clasping it tightly to his chest, a gesture that the watching crowd will interpret for weeks and months afterwards as certain evidence of their romantic relationship.

Later, there’s few words spoken between them as they come together, limbs entangled, bodies pressed together urgently and adoringly, over and over again.

“I don’t regret it, you know. Not any of it.” They’re lying next to each other, covers loosely thrown over them as their bodies cool. She can see the sheen of sweat still lingering on his cheeks, on his skin. Sleep is close, she can tell, for both of them. It’s as though if she doesn’t say this now she might not have the courage to later, not once the light of morning returns.

“I’m glad,” he says. Tessa knows he means it. They both know, deep down, that they’ve made the right decision. As much as it hurts, as much as she feels almost numb realizing she’s not going to be the woman he builds his life with. It would hurt her even more to know he was walking away from her wishing he’d done things differently, to think they hadn’t made this decision together.  

“How could I?” She reaches forward, brushing the hair out of his eyes, off of his forehead. Her fingers seem cool against his skin. She feels the tension in him fade a little as she moves her hand across his face, down his cheek. He grasps her hand in his, then, breathing her in as he presses a kiss to her knuckles. “I could never regret knowing you like this. Knowing you in every possible way,” she says. She speaks like she could see through him to his very core, her voice low and knowing.

“You’re beautiful, Tess,” he murmurs. “I love you, I always will.”

"Do you regret anything?” she asks him then. Her voice suddenly seems small, as though reassuring him about herself was far easier than the alternative.

He shakes his head quickly, like he wants no doubts left between them when this is really over. “Nothing, not a thing.” He leans in to press a kiss to her cheek and then again at her temple, wraps his arms around her a little more tightly. “I’ve never regretted anything I’ve done with you.”

She lets herself be folded into his embrace, warm and familiar. As she falls asleep it’s with the hope that, maybe, just maybe, they’ll find their way to the other side of this in one piece.

 

*

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and Scott figure out how to move on, separately but together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your amazing response to the first chapter of this story!
> 
> I know starting with a breakup is a bit of a whammy - So if you need to peace out and come back in a few chapters or once this story has reached its conclusion that is totally fair and you do you! Let me say again this is one is going to be a long journey, but I hope you won't be disappointed by the end of it.
> 
> I’m looking forward to this ride, so thank you for coming along with me.
> 
> Thank you again to iwantthemtostay and peacefulboo for being such great beta-readers. 
> 
> (Description of Gold Medal Plates events here are different from those that we now know are coming in 2019 - when I wrote this chapter we didn’t yet know about the new Great Kitchen Party format.)

 

Two days before her her thirtieth birthday, Tessa boards a flight to Spain. She joins her mother and sister for an early summer vacation not unlike their trip to France the year before. They might have waited until later, but then she’s not sure how long her course prep will take her and she wants to be able to dive into it with a clear calendar. Plus, celebrating a milestone birthday had seemed like just the right excuse. 

They’d planned this trip months ago, when she hadn’t known where she and Scott would be. Little had she known, then. At the time she’d thought it wouldn’t be so bad having some time separate from each other. That’s how couples grow, after all.  _ It’s also sometimes how friends grow apart _ , she thinks with an amount of terror, her heart still so heavy. As much as their parting had come as a mutual step, there’s no denying they’re in brand new territory once again. They’ve recovered from missteps and miscommunications before, but never  _ this _ exactly.

It’s an odd feeling, knowing that everything that comes next really is unwritten and unexpected. She can be okay with that, she thinks, and maybe a vacation is exactly what she needs to help with that. She needs to remember what it’s like to wake up alone, eat dinner alone, go about her day on her own steam.

Except, once they arrive at their rented house on the coast, Tessa realizes she doesn’t actually have to do any of that. Her sister pulls both of their suitcases into the master suite with an enormous king sized bed and informs her they’ll be sharing. “Like old times back at the cottage, Tess,” she says, adding no other explanation.

Her mother leads an expedition to the market where they collect enough supplies to eat for days. They get back to the house and immediately reach for the bread and cheese and cured meats, making the barest hint of an attempt at plating it all on a board before falling upon it hungrily. Her mother pours wine and they sit on the stone veranda with a view of the ocean, their jet lag now forgotten.

Tessa opens up with them about her and Scott, little by little as the afternoon grows long and a second bottle of wine appears. She tells them how there’d been conversations between them for a while, signs they maybe should have or could have paid more attention to earlier. Jordan sits next to her curled up on the patio sofa, carefully asking questions when she needs to.

“Do you regret choosing those show routines, Tess? I mean, maybe it was a lot to put on you all at once,” she reasons. Tessa hates these questions, the what-ifs and maybes. They’ll never completely vanish, there are always so many other unchosen paths and ways things could have gone differently.

Still, she considers the question for a minute, actually thinking it through in her mind. Eventually she shakes her head. “No,” she says. “I think we would have had the same answer in time, this just got us there sooner. It might have saved us a little, in a way. No need to drag anything out, and now we can move on.”

“I’m so sorry, Tess. We were all rooting for you guys so badly.”

She leans against her, puts her head on her sister’s shoulder. “I know you were,” she says, more quietly. “I was, too.”

 

*

Scott spends the first week of June hiking the West Coast Trail with his brothers. Danny and Charlie had been planning it since before Christmas - all the park permits had taken long enough to figure out, along with gear and vacation time and getting fit for all the hiking and coastal terrain - “ _ Not all of us are still in Olympic shape, little brother” - _ but they’d kept the invitation open.

By the time Stars on Ice came to an end - along with his relationship with Tessa - that open invite turned out to be just the lifeline he needed. There’s something grounding about being surrounded only by trees and ocean, and his closest family. He knows Tessa’s doing her own version of this trip, just in a more glamorous fashion on the coast of Spain. He doesn’t begrudge her that, though, would have happily kissed her goodbye and wished them all a great trip if they’d still been together now. The reality of their lives the last few years hasn’t left him with as many opportunities like this as he’d have liked, to take adventures with his family and take time to reflect. Both he and Tessa deserve their time with themselves, with their families, in whatever way they need.

It’s not lost on him that when he finishes this trip he’ll be returning home on entirely new footing. He’s managed ‘exes’, before, but he’s never imagined Tessa would be one of them.

“Does it still count as an ‘ex’ if it’s someone you still need to go back to work with? Someone you might still see every week?” He muses out loud as they come to a rest stop, easing their packs off and pulling out water bottles.

“Sure it does, bud. Lots of heartbroken office romances out there to prove it,” Danny says.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he acknowledges. He’s less than thrilled at the idea of him and Tessa being compared to a mundane office relationship, but he gets the idea.

The fact is it’s still pretty wide open how much they will have to work together again, with the exception of the Gold Medal Plates tour still to come. Thinking about that makes him feel a bit numb in his limbs, so he’s trying not to dwell on that too closely right now. But the reality is they really could just decide to part ways entirely, there’s nothing else contractual keeping them together. No more competitions, no more international tours. At least, not yet. 

The truth is he doesn’t want to never work with her again. He’s not sure it’s possible for him to let go of her in that way. He thinks, given time, he get over their romance, as short-lived as it was -  _ is it short if you had twenty years of friendship first? _ \- he wonders to himself. He can’t tell anymore. He can adjust to the thought that whoever he marries, whoever he makes a family with, it won’t be Tessa. But the thought of never skating with her again, never getting to hear her ideas about new programs, never having her there to bounce ideas of his own or telling her what’s going on in his life...that’s not a future he wants to live in.  

“You guys were never going to be just an office romance, though,” Danny adds. “I think you blew that option a few Olympics ago.”

“So a lot of people kept telling me,” he says glumly. He’s glad he won’t have to face much new public scrutiny about breaking up, since they’d never officially announced they were together in the first place. But the rumours and questions never entirely went away, especially now that they’re retired. He doesn’t expect that to change now.

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing, Scotty. You’re not ‘most people.’ It doesn’t matter what most people do or don’t do with their exes,” Danny says.

“I think Tessa’s strong enough to handle it, too. You both are, you know that, right?” Charlie’s been quieter on the subject so far, letting Danny fill in most of the silences when needed. But he’s been listening just as closely. “You both decided to get together, you both decided to end it. So you both figure out how to be friends again,” he shrugs matter of factly.

He does know that, it’s true. Or at least, he’s hoped he does, but hearing it out loud from his brothers makes him feel a bit more confident about it.

“I still need her in my life,” he says then, quietly enough it’s almost just for himself. But Danny puts one hand on his shoulder and nods, agreeing with him.

“Then you figure out how to do that,” he says. “And then, you go live the life you want,” he adds simply.

And maybe it really is that simple.

 

*

So then, they still have the Gold Medal Plates tour. Tessa thinks it’s a kind of mercy that they’re flying separately - he had decided to take a few days exploring Berlin with one of his old buddies from home, and she had barely had time to turn around from her trip to Spain and re-pack. 

She messages him confirming she’ll meet him in Prague at the hotel a couple of days before the event kicks off, just like they always used to do. He responds in confirmation, adding that he’s looking forward to it and that it will be a great trip.

They’re sleeping in separate rooms like they have done on every other GMP tour in the past -  _ why wouldn’t they, after all _ . But this time there’s something strange about it, underlining an intentionality about these decisions that wasn’t there before. It makes her wonder how it will be between them for this trip, if they’ll need to be too formal, too composed with each other.

Tessa texts him after her arrival and they make plans to meet for dinner a few hours later. After unpacking she tries napping but it doesn’t take, so she throws on her running clothes and pulls on a baseball cap and heads out for a run. She winds down towards the river and ends up making a loop of almost eight kilometres by the time she returns.

Once she’s showered and changed again she looks herself up and down in the mirror, scrutinizing her appearance more than usual. She tells herself it’s only reasonable, given the high profile week. She and Scott aren’t quite household names like they used to be a year ago, and the trip hasn’t even started yet, but still. She wants to look put together.

It’s not until she’s on her way down to the lobby in the elevator when it occurs to her how much she doesn’t want to disappoint him. It would be worse than before they’d gotten together as a couple, she thinks, if she’d shown up to meet him somewhere a year ago looking like she’d put herself together in a rush. Now it would feel like she’s letting him down, even in a small way.

When she steps into the lobby and sees him waiting in one of the armchairs, one hand in his pocket and the other fidgeting against the armrest of his chair, she knows instantly that she’s not the only one of them who feels like that.

It’s written all over him when he stands to greet her, it’s mapped all over the way he holds out his arms to hold her for the first time in weeks. He’s still here for her, in the way he’s always been here for her for over twenty years of them knowing each other better than anyone else on the planet. She lets herself be held by him and it’s like her body relaxes for the first time in ages.

But as much as her body might still want him, she finds her heart needs him more. She’d been worried about whether she’d need to pretend with him now, put on a facade for the rest of the world while her heart would need to be kept locked away. But she’s relieved to discover it doesn’t feel like that at all.

She still loves him. She’s still here to be his friend. She knows he’ll always love her back. They’ve years of friendship between them and it’s going to take more than a broken romance to break them altogether.  
  


*

The tour turns out to be a good balance of socializing and historical tourism. It’s a city neither of them have gotten to spend a lot of time in, before, and both of them enjoy themselves. Tessa likes the contrast with the sun-tinted coastal vacation she’s just come from. Here there are cobblestone streets and enormous Gothic cathedrals. She enjoys hearing Scott talk about the comparisons with some of the architecture he saw in Berlin. She wishes more people got to see this side of him - how reflective he is, how eager he is to take it all in.  

It’s on an evening river cruise on the second night when they do their typical sit-down with the patrons on the trip. The previous evening had been for the other athletes - a snowboarder and a biathlete. Tonight they field questions about what it’s like to be starting the next phase of their career, which they answer honestly by saying it’s exciting and there are a lot of new possibilities out there. They also talk about how they want to find ways to give back to the field, a familiar refrain that now feels a bit less tentative than it did a year ago. Scott knows he’ll be headed for the coaching track. Tessa knows she doesn’t want to leave her skating identity behind entirely, just hasn’t figured out exactly how, yet.

They’re still looking at each other with care, reading each of their expressions and seeking confirmation and reassurance like they always used to before. It’s an indescribable relief to Tessa, discovering they don’t have to pretend to be warm and friendly with each other in front of people. They still care for each other and their twenty-one years together still gives them an incredible foundation.

Which isn’t to say there isn’t any awkwardness. There is - almost like they’re working a bit too hard to be gracious and careful. In a way it’s like they’re back in Canton figuring things out after moving away from home, or back home in London figuring things out after Sochi. They haven’t been  _ here _ before, exactly, but they’ve been in some version of it before. It’s a muscle her body still remembers how to stretch.

Back at the hotel that evening Scott gets off the elevator with Tessa on her floor - she knows he’s two floors below her, so it makes her smile that he’s being gentlemanly like this.

“We’re good, aren’t we, T?”

“Yes, of course we are, Scott.” They’re stopped outside her door, now, though she hasn’t pulled out her key yet.

He’s fidgeting a bit now, one hand in his pocket, the other running through the back of his hair. “Because if we...I don’t think I could live with myself if we weren’t.”

On instinct she launches herself at him, wrapping her arms around his waist like she’s comforting him after a hectic skate. “I couldn’t either. Promise me we’re still friends, always.”

He hugs her back, sinks into it like he’s letting go of something. She can feel the relief, palpable between them. “Always, Tess. Always. You won't get rid of me so easily.”

“Thank God,” she breathes, her face buried against his shoulder. She lets him hold her for a moment longer, then says goodnight.

 

*

They spend their last day with the group on a long afternoon walk through the forested valley outside the city. It turns out to be a hot day, and everyone’s reaching for their water bottles, wishing they’d packed more. But it’s still gorgeous scenery, and a jovial group. Someone produces a bag of gummy candy that gets passed around a few times. Scott notices Tessa taking just one on the first pass, but then a small handful on the second go-around, and he smiles. 

Scott thinks about the trip he just spent with his brothers and how gruelling the terrain had been in a few places, how they’d had to pack so lightly and so carefully but even still there were days they felt weighed down. By the time they made it to the end of their route and the little bed and breakfast they’d booked ahead, he’d felt weightless and renewed when he’d dropped his pack and fallen into the comfortable bed.

He has a bit of that same feeling now, coming to the end of their easy trail, waiting for their shuttle bus to collect them. The afternoon is almost changing over to evening, now, and there’s a nice rosy light starting to fill the horizon. The greenery surrounding them feels earthier, sturdy.

Tessa’s off to the side taking a few photos with some of the tour patrons - lots of thumbs up and grateful smiles. He can guess at some of the captions that will appear later, probably stories about sweat and making their evening meal worth the calories. They start to break up after a few minutes and then Tessa’s on her own for a moment, straightening a few things in her pack and starting to fix her hair.

It dawns on him then that there’s one conversation they haven’t actually had yet, about what happens next between them. He doesn’t want to wait any longer to have it, either. So he politely finds an end to the chatter he’s been having with the guys next to him, and jogs over to Tessa.

“Hey,” she smiles at him. “Good hike, right? Pretty easy going for the most part.”

“Yeah, it was. Too bad we have to pack up tomorrow morning, otherwise I’d come back again and find another trail.”

She pouts gently. “Don’t remind me. I hate the packing up part.”

“I remember,” he says, laughing a bit. He nods off to the side, turning them a bit farther away from the group to talk more. Tessa finishes slinging her pack onto her back, slipping the straps over her shoulders.

She’s looking back at him inquisitively, but openly. “What is it, Scott?”

“So, I was just thinking...we’re still going to skate, right?” He can’t imagine not skating with her, even now, and he tells her so. “I don’t want to not skate with you.”

Her mouth opens slightly, almost surprised. “Oh, Scott, me either.” She’s shaking her head insistently. “No, of course we still have to skate. Did I…” she pauses for a second. “I didn’t make you think I didn’t want to skate with you anymore, did I? I mean, obviously we’re not competing anymore, but that doesn’t mean we can’t-”

“No, Tess, it’s not you, I promise.” He shakes his head back in confirmation, brings a hand to rest on her arm. “I just realized we hadn’t talked about that part yet, and I needed to make sure.”

“Okay,” she nods back. “Good, because I think if we stopped skating altogether I’d go out of my mind a little. Well, a lot, actually.” Tessa mirrors him, putting her hand on his arm in the same way he’s doing with her. “Besides, once I do start in on my coursework I’m going to need it even more, I think. Some kind of outlet.”

He’s glad. And not at all surprised she’s thought it through this way, planning ahead for her needs before she’s even gotten there yet.

“Good. I’m meeting with Patch and Marie next month to do some planning. I’ll make sure we get to keep some rink time. And they’ll probably want to make sure you still drop in when you can.”

She’s nodding again. “I’d like that. Please let me know when you meet with them, I’d like to come too.”

“You can count on it.”

Their shuttle bus pulls up then, and the crowd starts gathering their belongings and making their way. They link arms and follow the group, looking forward to one last summer evening in a beautiful city.  
  


*

In the aftermath of Gold Medal Plates, Tessa feels like she’s exhaling a long breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding back. There’s uncertainty ahead, but of a different kind than what she’d been contemplating a year ago. Knowing that she and Scott are travelling separate paths - albeit on good terms - opens up possibilities she can now see more clearly. It’s her in charge of her career path now, only her, and the idea is both terrifying and freeing.  

She returns to her quiet Montreal apartment and spends the next few days organizing her life. She unpacks, shakes the dust out of the corners, remembers what her spare room office actually looks like. She buys groceries and resets her coffee machine to her new schedule. She checks her calendar and makes appointments with her trainers, her therapist, her chiropractor.

There’s still remnants of her shared life with Scott scattered all around her, both physical and imagined. Although his phone and charger have no longer taken up residence on the end table on his side of the bed, she thinks of it as ‘his’ side. Her kitchen cupboards are filled with staples he would work with - the coffee he switched them to once he realized she liked it better, the brand of pasta he preferred -  _ “It’s whole grain, Tess, it would totally be B2ten approved” - _  even a half-empty bottle of his vitamins.

In the bottom of her laundry basket she discovers one of his t-shirts, a generic grey cotton thing he must have used for sleeping. She lets herself lift it towards her face, inhaling to see if it still smells like him - she’s surprised to find that it does, albeit only faintly. For a moment she considers keeping it, so she’ll have that little bit of him close to her - but then turns on her heel and finds a box, starts collecting the bits and pieces that she finds. Scott deserves to know she’s not holding onto anything, and she deserves to let herself move on.

She sits down and maps out the next six months of her life. Her roster of brand sponsorship engagements is still full, which she’s glad for, and she knows she’ll be continuing some consulting with Marie-France and Patrice over the fall and winter, albeit not to the depth that Scott is planning. Still, it’s the MBA program that’s the real target in her sights, and if she’s going to do it there’s no more avoiding it now. She’d almost forgotten she’d need to sit the GMAT along with securing her reference letters and transcripts in order to make the MBA admission requirements. She maps out a schedule that will get her application submitted and reviewed in the second round in January.

In her mind’s eye she starts visualizing herself finishing the program, graduating in person and getting to walk across a stage and pick up her degree and shake hands. It excites her, makes her feel a bit of the same nervous anticipation as when she and Scott had started mapping out their first comeback year. It's a good feeling, one she carries with her as she dives into her preparation over the next weeks and months.  
  


*

Scott and Tessa take the meeting with Marie-France and Patrice as promised. Patrice is happy to see them still approaching some of their decisions as partners, and says as much to them out loud.

“You have many years together, much to build on,” he says. “Your next years will bring new challenges for you individually, so keep the connections on the ice when you can. You may find you need it, in ways you’re not aware of yet.”

Although he’s had no shortage of conversations about his and Tessa’s life in the last little while, Scott finds himself still reassured to hear words like this from his mentor. Part of him felt like they were letting him and Marie-France down, in their separation. He feels ridiculous now for having thought that.

Marie-France is especially glad they’ll both still be skating together in some fashion, although she nudges them not to count out the tour skating just yet. She thinks there’s no reason they couldn’t at least keep Stars on Ice in their calendar for a couple more years.

“Give the practicing something to aim for, yes? Keep the creative momentum. Maybe the holiday ice show?”

“Marie, it’s barely fall yet,” Tessa reasons, and truly they’ve just made it past Labour Day weekend. “I need to figure out my studies, and Scott’s going to have some teams to work with…”

“I know, I know, cherie. I’m just saying, don’t hang your skates up just yet.”

“Believe us, no one’s hanging it up yet,” Scott interjects. Still, he takes her point. “But you’re right,” he admits, “it would be good to have something to aim for.”

Tessa’s next to him, nodding. “We could do the Niagara holiday show this year, it’s been a while since we did that one, right?”

“It would help us play around with something new,” he says, hoping she catches his drift.

A knowing half-smile forms on her face and she nods. “Yes,” she agrees. “I think the old programs deserve a break for a while.”  
  


*

Week by week, they fall into their new routines. Scott registers for a proper coaching course for late summer, aiming at becoming formally qualified to take on more coaching duties at Gadbois and travel with his teams. He’s now lead coach with the two junior couples he trained with the previous season, and partnering with Patrice to guide a few of the seniors. He leads a couple of group training sessions a couple of times a week. His duties also start to include guiding the junior teams through some sponsorship planning, and taking corporate meetings to establish funding and work out longer term plans.

He also keeps up his connections with the B2ten team, meeting with some of his old support team a couple of times a month, and starting to build a plan for joining their training group down the line. It’s refreshing, and rewarding, all of it.

It’s good work and results in full days, so much so that he finds himself genuinely glad when his twice-weekly skates with Tess come around. If nothing else they help remind him how skating feels when it’s familiar and just for him, and not just a form of teaching.

“Hey, how’s it going, Coach?” she ribs him early one Tuesday as they’re lacing up their skates.

“This particular week, that is a hard question to answer,” he admits openly. They make their way towards the ice, pulling off their skate guards and taking a few strides to warm up.

“What’s the biggest thing?” she asks. Tessa always did attack things head on, he’s glad to be reminded.

“I think this week it’s choreography. The seniors that went to ACI came back with lots of feedback, and now we have figure it out with them. Patrice has some thoughts but he wants to hear mine, too.”

“Good,” she says. “It’s right for you to be diving in.”

“I know. It’s still a bit funny sometimes, though, starting to coach the same guys we were competing against a couple of years ago.”

Tessa shrugs, taking his hand and setting them up for a side-by-side hold for their second lap.

“Yeah, but none of them have five Olympic medals, now do they?” She glances at him with a wink.

“Well, no, that’s hard to deny,” he laughs. He corrects his posture as they stroke around the ice, standing a little straighter, adjusting his frame. “How’s the studying?”

“Okay, I think,” she says cautiously. “I’ve been prepping for the GMATs and should be able to sit them in November. And I’m doing three courses to finish up - two seminars and an independent project with a supervisor. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have three more possible references on my MBA application.”

“Online again?”

“Nope,” she says proudly. “I met with an admissions officer at McGill and we worked out options that will make sense for me to do in person.” She grins for a second. “I guess being an Olympian still has its privileges.”

“Ah, that’s great, Tess,” he says. “That’ll be good experience for next year, right?”

“I hope so. I just don’t want to have to wait another year.”

“Would it be that long if you had to re-apply?”

She thinks for a second. “Well, maybe not. They do a final application round in the spring, so if I had to I could still try again. But I’d rather not if I don’t have to.”

“I’ll cross all my fingers for you. If you need anyone to quiz you for your test prep just let me know. I’m still just the next building over, remember,” he nudges her, momentarily breaking their hold.

“I know, don’t worry. But it might be so boring you’ll be rushing back here before you know it.”

“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Still, offer still stands.”

“Are you still thinking we do the Niagara show in December?”

“I’d like to. Be good to still stretch the muscles. You?”

She nods. “Yeah, I can make it work. We should start meeting with Sam in October, what do you think? Maybe when we’re back from Thanksgiving?”

“It’s a plan."  
  


*

True to her word, Tessa dives in to her studies, sticking to a weekly reading and lecture schedule, and keeping up her regular meetings with her supervisor. It’s exciting, getting to spend time on academics again, and in real classrooms, too, not just virtual. She’s started to get to know a few of her classmates in her seminar group, and although she’s a few years older than many of them it’s still nice to be in a cohort with others. It feels good, a few days a week getting to come home after a day on campus.

It’s nice to keep skating with Scott, too. Her sessions with him turn out to be a bit of a sanity saver, just as predicted. Also not enough, in many ways, so she picks back up with some dance classes to make sure she’s keeping up that part of her brain - and body. Some of the other Gadbois skaters are in the mix there sometimes, and it’s nice to have familiar faces around her.

It also doesn’t go unnoticed the way a few of the older students in her department start trying to charm her after a few weeks into the semester. There’s a nice looking PhD candidate who she’s run into a few times who’s asked her for coffee. He seems like a good guy, and Tessa’s flattered. She’s not sure at first, but then eventually says yes. There’s no strings attached, and she goes home with him one evening after seeing him for drinks a couple of times previously. She finds she doesn’t mind a bit of company now and again, but is far from ready to get seriously involved with someone just yet.  

Fall settles in, the air grows cooler, and her path ahead starts to feel a little firmer beneath her feet.  
  


*

By the time he returns back from Thanksgiving in Ilderton, Scott’s coaching duties have started to coalesce into more confident plans. He’s got his two junior teams’ programs into a better place, and they’re communicating well with each other. Co-coaching the seniors with Patrice is taking shape, too, and he doesn’t hesitate anymore when giving directions or asking questions.

As he settles into the colder months he also finds himself taking a stark perspective on his social life. While it’s been months since he and Tessa decided to part ways romantically, and while he doesn’t regret the decision they came to, he has to admit he hasn’t made any new strides in changing his social situation lately.

Even more than a year out from Sochi he’d felt so sure Kaitlyn was it for him - he could see the life he could make with her spread out in front of him like a path of stepping stones. And after Vancouver...well. He’s not even sure he recognizes the boy who’d walked away with that first gold medal. So confident and ready to grab everything the world handed him, so much less ready to listen and so much more ready to just move and go, unaware of how little time was really in front of him to make the choices that really mattered.

Scott talks it out a bit with his therapist in one of their monthly sessions, struggling a bit with how to actually move forward. He talks about how his goals and wants haven’t changed - he still wants to be at the next Olympics on the coaching side of the boards, he wants to make a family of his own and raise children. And intellectually, he knows he and Tessa will manage as friends instead of romantic partners - but practically speaking he doesn’t know how to actually take the next step with someone else.

It’s different, now, compared to the the other times in his life he’s been in the shadow of finishing an Olympic games and confronted with new choices ahead. Comparing how he feels now to eight or even four years ago doesn’t seem to help.

His therapist asks him questions about the partner he wants to share this next phase of his life with, after moving on from Tessa; What kind of qualities he would look for in her, and also what kind of qualities he would want this partnership - marriage, presumably - to bring out in himself.

Scott finds the words come faster than he’d expected. He hopes for someone warm, generous, funny. Someone who would understand about the schedule he keeps, someone who wouldn’t mind travelling with him when he’s coaching around the country and around the world. Someone who would put up with his huge family and circle of friends - skating and otherwise.

He starts his description wondering if he’s actually just describing Tessa all over again, and truthfully, a lot of those qualities would fit her, to a ‘t’.  But then when he starts visualizing it he realizes the woman doesn’t have a face, yet, it’s not just a Tessa-shaped person he sees in his mind. A few months ago he’s not sure he would have been able to say that, but he can, now.

He leaves the session still feeling unsure how he’ll find this mystery woman, but his step is a bit lighter and he’s breathing a bit easier.  _ One step at a time _ , he thinks.  _ Just like always. _   
  


*

“You still planning on coming back for Christmas, honey?” her mother asks. It’s their weekly time for their video chat and Tessa’s trying to juggle both the conversation and her own dinner prep. It’s going...well, fine, actually.

At this particular moment the food preparation is going a bit better than the conversation. She’s just finished chopping her vegetables and chicken to go into a stir fry, and is just now placing rice and water in the rice cooker.  _ Tess, it’s the easiest thing. Just put in the rice and twice the water and the machine beeps when it’s done, it could not be simpler I swear. _ She still hears Scott’s echo in her head when she’s in the kitchen, now - more often lately that she’s trying to practice it more often. Amazingly, she seems to be getting better at it.

“Mom, of course I am, why would I miss Christmas? And anyway it’s still almost two months away.”

“I know, it’s just that all four of you will probably be there this year again and I want to make sure everyone has a place.”

“Oh, well sure, didn’t you put Casey’s daughter in my old room? And Jordan and Josh in the guest room in the basement?”

“Yes, I was thinking we’d do that again. They don’t need to sleep over, of course, it’s just nice to have a full house for Christmas Eve.”

“That’s what we did last year, right? I thought we made everyone fit okay,” she thinks out loud, only partly paying attention. She wets her hand under the faucet and then flicks a bit of water onto the pan to test the heat of the oil. Sure enough it sizzles back, so she takes this as confirmation to start cooking, and carefully adds the meat, first. Just then she realizes her mother has still been talking.

“Darling, are you listening?” Kate asks, a little impatient.

“Of course I am. I’m just trying to figure out dinner, you should be proud of me, I’m getting better at this.”

“I just wasn’t sure if Jordan and Josh should come to your place.”

“Sure if they want to, I mean I’ve got the room.” Tessa slides the vegetables into the pan, gives the whole thing a bit of a stir. “Or they can stay at home if you want.” She watches optimistically as everything in the pan gradually starts to brown.  

“Well, anyway I’m glad that arrangement will work out. I just didn’t know how you would feel about it what with this year being a bit different.”

“Different? How is it different?”

“Well, I’m guessing you’re not going to be...accompanied by someone this year? I wouldn’t want you to feel outnumbered, or-”

“Mother, my life has not entirely fallen to pieces in the aftermath of me and Scott breaking up,” she says, pointedly pausing and looking directly back into the phone’s camera. “Besides, we’re still friends.”

“Yes, I know, but I just...Well, yes, you’re right. I shouldn’t worry.”

“No, you certainly shouldn’t,” she adds, eyeing the steam coming off of the rice cooker and wondering if that’s what it’s supposed to be doing. “I’m fine, I am keeping busy, and Scott’s doing perfectly well on his own, too. Besides, we’ll both be doing the Niagara ice show soon, remember? We are  _ fine _ .”

As honest as Tessa’s being, she’s also starting to get more than a little exhausted by having some version of this same conversation every other week. She can’t tell anymore if it’s motivated by genuine concern or an attempt to pry and find out of she and Scott are planning to reunite - which, as has been mutually agreed on, they are not.

“I know you are, Tessa,” she says. “I’m just allowed to worry, that’s my job. But you’re right, there’s probably no need for me to fret. I just want both of you two to be happy.”

“Then we all want the same thing,” Tessa answers, stirring her ingredients in the pan. She realizes then she’s forgotten to pour in the sauce she mixed, so she reaches for the glass measuring pitcher and adds it then, slowly stirring. Amazingly enough it seems to look quite normal. She smiles to herself, thinking maybe she might just be getting the hang of at least one recipe.

Her mother’s continuing to say something in the background, but then Tessa hears the rice cooker beep at her and she’s ready to move on.

“Mom, this has been great, but I gotta go finish up here. We’ll talk soon, okay? And in a couple weeks I’ll try to come by after the show, I’m sure Scott will want to say hello in person, too.”

“Oh, that would be lovely,” her mother exclaims. “Tell him I look forward to it.”

“Thanks Mom, love you too,” she says dryly. But she blows her kisses before signing off.

Tessa turns off all of the pans and appliances, then, leaving the rest of the counter strewn with cooking detritus as she fixes herself a plate. She takes it and a glass of water over to the dining table and settles in to eat. The first bite tastes slightly over-cooked, but all in all, not bad.

_ Not so bad at all, _ she thinks to herself, and continues her solo meal happily.

 

*

Back when the school year started he’d received a few invitations to visit some local schools. The usual speeches and mingling with the kids’ classes, sharing his medals and doing photos. He hadn’t had as much time as he’d liked for it last year, what with touring into the beginning of winter and then feeling out his new role at Gadbois. So this year he decides to accept at least a few of them, and the beginning of November turns out to be a good time to do it now that he’s gotten Skate Canada behind him. He likes doing these kinds of things better with Tessa by his side, but since that doesn’t always work out, and she’s got her own schedule to keep these days, he goes ahead solo.

He decides to do a round of these appearances in the same week while he has time - first a middle school and an elementary school not far from the rink. The kids are mostly pretty keen, especially when their teachers remind they’re talking to an Olympic ice skater. The best part is always when he brings out the gold medals and passes them around.

Scott finishes the week with a visit to a middle school in Laval, a combined group of several classes at once. He talks about what it’s like to go to the Olympics and how you have to train very hard and practice a lot, and do a lot of thinking and planning to get there. But that it’s also a lot of fun, and you get to meet a lot of amazing people, and visit really great cities around the world. He notices a lot of the girls paying rapt attention, and several of the boys. He wonders how many future athletes are among them.

They’re good kids, if a little bouncy - it’s Wednesday afternoon and he can tell the teachers all have slightly weary looks on their faces. When it comes time to share the medals it’s quite orderly to start, but then a few of the younger boys start arguing over who gets to hold one of the medals first. One of the teachers who helped introduce him -  _ Christine something _ ? - deftly starts jumping in with some stern looks to a couple of the boys. Impressively, it works.

Scott smiles at her appreciatively but also makes sure to help her out a bit. He reminds the group how special these medals are and how they really belong to everyone in Canada - so it’s very important to hold them carefully and remember they’re very lucky to get to hold them, not everyone in Canada gets to do that.

They finish with photos of the whole class, as always, and then a few photos with just the teachers. And then, the school bell rings.

“Wait!” Christine holds up her hands, and miraculously most of the group stops in their tracks. “Everyone please say a big thank you to Mr. Moir, for visiting us today, we all enjoyed it, right?”

“ _ Thank youuu,” _ rings out a chorus of voices. A couple of girls give delighted waves. 

“Ok, everyone line up at the door, please,” she ushers them into line. She nods at one of the other teachers, who is already waiting at the door. Once they’re in line, they are released, and run for their lockers, ready for the end of the day.

Scott shakes hands with the teachers remaining - a science teacher named Jennifer, and Parminder, the school principal - graciously brushing off thank yous. Christine comes over to shake hands then as well. She trades places with Jennifer, who says something about being on bus duty.

“Thank you, Mr. Moir, that was great. Believe it or not that was just about the most well-behaved I’ve seen them for any of our guest speakers, even the boys.”

“Ah, they’re fine,” he says. “I remember being that age and hardly being able to sit still, either. And please, call me Scott.”

“But you seemed to do okay on the ice,” she smiles. “Thank you again for giving us your time today, Scott.”

“Oh not at all, the pleasure was mine.” He looks back at her and forgets for a moment what he was going to say next. She has such a nice smile. And he liked the way she was with the students - firm but calm, and warm.

“Give our best to your skating partner as well, we hope she’s doing well,” the principal says then.

“Oh yes, of course. I’m sure Tessa would have enjoyed being here, too, her studies are keeping her busy at the moment. But I’ll see her tomorrow at practice, I’ll be sure to tell her.”

He and Christine offer to show Scott out. On their way by the office the principal shakes his hand, thanking him once again and says his goodbyes, commenting that there’s no rest for the weary when it comes to paperwork. Scott chuckles, agreeing with him there.

Christine keeps on walking with him out to the parking lot.

“I know turning right would make more sense to get back onto the main road, but that will also put you in the path right behind most of the school buses - better to turn left and go around, trust me,” she says.

“Thank you, I’ll do that,” he answers with a laugh.

“I’m just looking out for you - traffic in this city is crazy, I’m sure you know, but school rush hour can be even worse, so many drivers just do not pay attention.”

“I appreciate the warning.”

“You  _ and _ those gold medals of course. Do they get heavy to carry around all the time?”

“Nah, you get used to it. And I don’t actually get to carry them around that much, mostly just for special occasions.” He feels a bit of pride puff into his chest as he says it.

“Well,” she says, shaking his hand and smiling. “Thank you again for coming. I hope we have the pleasure again sometime.”

“Sure,” he answers, a bit too quickly. He finds himself fumbling in his pockets for a pen. “Here, Iet me give you my number, just in case-”

“I have it,” she interrupts kindly, still smiling at him.  _ She has the nicest blue eyes I’ve ever seen _ , he thinks. “From the booking?”

“Oh, well that’s probably my management team,” he reasons. He finds a receipt and scribbles down his cell number without even thinking. “Here, in case you need to be in touch.”

She takes the paper from him, a little surprised, but not - he thinks - uninterested. “Thank you, Scott. I will.” 

He shakes her hand, again, a little more slowly and gently this time. He turns to leave, unlocking his car and stepping in. As he’s putting the key in the ignition he looks back and sees her waiting. He waves, and she waves back.

As he drives off he can’t remember in the slightest what else he was supposed to be doing next that day.

 

*

“Little sis, you can’t seriously be getting this frustrated over a few test questions.”

“Jordan, I swear these are ridiculous. What kind of system is this when my ability to study for a business degree might come down to my random ability to correct sentence structure?”

“It’s more than that and you know it. I bet you’re acing the critical reasoning ones. I’m telling you, you’ve got this. It’s all about the practice tests.” She’s got her sister on speaker phone, surrounded by her textbooks and piles of notes.

“I know, you’re probably right.”

“How many times have you done the practice exam?”

“Twice,” Tessa admits sheepishly.

“Oh my God, you’re  _ fine _ ,” Jordan says. “Jesus, I only needed one try to sit the bar exam, you’ve got this, I’m telling you.”

“I know, but my score…”

“Was it a pass?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“You are allowed to study for the practice one more time and then you are sitting the exam, T. If kids ten years younger than you can pass it and move on with their lives, so can you.”

Tessa exhales, slumping over her books. “Okay. One more time. But I’m getting a better score this time, I know I can.”

“Dare I ask how practices are going?”

“With Scott?”

“No, with Brian Boitano. Of course I mean with Scott.”

“They’re fine. We’re working on something new for Niagara this year, Sam’s helping us with the steps. It’s new, but like...sort of like our earlier stuff, more classic. I think secretly Sam wants us to get back together again, though.”

“Ah well, you can’t blame him for that.”

“It’s getting a little old, Jo. We both agreed to split up, it was mutual - and it wasn’t like it was that easy to do, let me tell you.”

“I know,” Jordan says quietly. “I know it wasn’t, I’m...I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t,” Tessa exhales, thinking about what to say next. “I just hate that this is always going to follow us around. That question. We’re not together, we’re not even competing anymore. We’re friends. And we’re good together as friends,” she says thoughtfully, really meaning it.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” She pauses again, remembering the way he’d gotten into working on a new step sequence at their last practice, wanting to make sure it was right and asking to do it over and over until they were both happy with the result. “He’s still Scott, you know?”

There’s silence on the other end for a moment. “I’m glad, T. I’m really, really glad. I’d hate it if you guys didn’t still have each other.”

The very idea makes Tessa start to feel numb. “Me too.”

 

*

Two weeks after his round of school visits Scott’s driving back through Mount Royal on a Saturday morning. He’s just finished an early morning dance practice with Tessa and Sam, fine tuning some choreography ideas for Niagara. Now he’s meant to be running errands, but it’s still only mid morning and a wave of fatigue is starting to settle in.  _ Not so young anymore, eh, Scotty boy, _ he thinks ruefully.

He pulls up to a local cafe that’s new to him, thinking through his schedule for the rest of the day. Part of him wants to just scrap all of it and enjoy a lazy day for once. But then he’ll just regret having to do everything tomorrow. He joins the cafe line and stares at the menu, mentally upgrading his order to an extra large version of something.

As he contemplates the menu he realizes someone’s talking to him. “Mr. Moir? Scott?”

“Yes, I-” He turns around and comes face to face with the teacher from Laval. She’s dressed casually like she’s just come from a workout, or maybe just running around doing things like he’s meant to be doing just now. There are spots of pink in her cheeks and her bright red hair falls loose around her shoulders.

“It’s Christine,” she says, holding out her hand. “Miss Harrison,” she adds, and he remembers the students calling her that. “You visited my school the other week?”

“Yes, I remember,” he says, shaking her hand back. “It’s nice to run into you.”

“You too. Are you...meeting someone?” she asks, glancing around. The cafe is only half full, a mix of young parents and a few solo students with their laptops.

“No, just needed some coffee. You?”

“I was meant to be meeting my aunt this morning, but she had to cancel at the last minute.” She holds up her phone, as if she’d just gotten the message on her way in. “But I really needed coffee,” she says with a sigh.

“I second that,” he says. “Please, allow me,” he offers, gesturing towards the cashier as they near the front.

“Alright, but only because I can’t say no to someone with three gold medals,” she jokes. “Triple Americano, please,” she orders.

“The same,” he tells the barista, who scribbles their order onto paper cups and then accepts payment from Scott. “That’s a coffee order I can respect,” he says.

“I deal with Grade 6s and 7s all week,  _ believe _ me you’d need that much, too, by the time you get to Saturday” she says.

“Clearly I need that much without having to deal with that many pre-teens, so I guess it’s a good thing I’m not in your shoes,” he jokes back.

“Touché.”

Their coffees come up a moment later and Scott fixes hers for her - milk, no sugar, she tells him. “Would you like to join me for a few minutes?” he offers. Truly he has no idea what her day looks like, or if she’s even interested, but he finds himself wanting to keep talking to her.

“Sure,” she answers, and seems pleasantly surprised by the question. “If you don’t have anyone waiting on you,” she confirms again.

He shakes his head. “Nope. You’d be saving me from having to catch up on groceries and dry cleaning. Having coffee with you is a much better offer.”

“In that case, I’m happy to oblige.”

They find a table and sit down. He asks her more about her aunt that she was about to meet, and she asks him about what he's been up to since she saw him last. They talk, and keep talking and laughing, until their coffees are finished. And then, they keep talking some more. 

When they part ways after a couple of hours it’s with a promise to meet again the next Saturday, same time and place. Scott leaves with her number in his cell phone contacts, and a dazed smile on his face.

 

*

Over the next couple of Saturdays he shares more with Christine, about himself and the things he’s working on, the things he’s hoping for in the future. But more importantly, he learns more about her.

He finds out she teaches a combination of social studies and physical education - she never really decided which one she liked better, so she stuck with both. She grew up idolizing Kerrin-Lee Gartner and Miriam Bedard, and after trying both kinds of skiing as a child she decided she wanted to be a downhill racer. She even spent several years training hard enough to compete provincially and nationally.

By the time she was nearly through high school she’d had a serious discussion with her father and stepmother about aiming for a spot on the Olympic team. But in her second year of university a bad spill on the slopes left her with torn ligaments and dashed hopes. She’d recovered after some intensive months of physical therapy, but decided it wasn’t wise to keep competing. She’d switched to other athletics on a more casual basis, and thrown herself into her studies instead of pursuing sports.

He learns Christine lost her mother to a sudden illness when she was just five, and then her father had remarried a few years after. She doesn’t remember much about her mother, but knows she loved music, and opera, and she remembers what her favourite pieces of jewelry were. Her father had passed away a few years ago from cancer. So, now it’s just her on her own, her aunt Sarah, and her stepbrother Robert who now lives in Toronto with his wife. Her stepmother had moved away not long after Christine’s father’s death.

Until last winter she’d been in a fairly long term relationship - three years - with a guy she reconnected with from her university years, but had parted ways when they realized they were looking for different things. She wanted a family, he didn’t. It nearly floors Scott to hear that part.

Scott finds himself wanting to spend more time with Christine each time he sees her. She has a warm smile, a great laugh, and for all she can be firm with her students he can tell she genuinely cares about them and wants them to do well.

He tells her more about his career, the ups and downs he’s had. He finds she knows a little bit about figure skating, but not as much as other winter sports - and he’s oddly relieved. It feels good to be talking to someone from a different world, who understands the world of sports but isn’t consumed by it.

She listens as he tells her about the teams he coaches, how old they are and what the differences are between juniors and seniors. She asks questions about his teams, probes more about what kind of strategies he uses with them, what works and what doesn’t. He finds himself waiting for their next date so he can tell her more about what’s going on with his teams, hear more of her ideas and questions.

By the time three weeks of coffee dates have passed he decides to invite her over for dinner, offering to cook for them. Amazingly, she says yes.

That night he kisses her for the first time - and then the second time, and the third. By their second dinner she decides she wants them to do more than kissing, which he is very, very happy to agree with. He takes her to bed, gently at first and then not so gently at all by the second time. He takes pleasure in pleasing her, in the way she reaches for him and stays nestled up against him as they fall asleep.

And all through it, he finds himself laughing with her, laughing at himself. She takes Scott for who he is, not who he thinks he could be or who he has been in the past.

If anyone had asked him for an explanation he would have come up empty. He can’t figure it out, how this happened. But for the first time in a few months he feels like there’s more in his life than just planning for competitions and how to motivate teenagers to try that piece of choreography a little differently ‘just one more time.’

Not long ago when Scott sat in front of his therapist and talked about the imagined woman who fit his ideal picture of someone to build a future with, he meant every word about how he described that person. And he hoped very much that he would meet a woman like that. He just didn’t expect it to happen so  _ soon _ .

 

*

The last week of practices before heading to the holiday ice show go well. So well, in fact, Tessa can hardly believe it compared to the torture they put themselves through with Stars on Ice just six months earlier. It’s a relief to discover they still have it in them to do this well.

They’re taking a sip of water at the boards, going over the last of a few notes Marie-France has given them.

“The final rotational lift, it is better this time,” she tells them. “But Scott, you’re losing speed by the final turns, if it’s a problem on the next run through let’s look at ways to conserve your energy just before, maybe we substitute an eagle instead of the steps.”

He’s nodding, one hand wiping his forehead as if confirming her comment on his energy level. But he seems easy about it, taking the note at face value and agreeing with it. “We’ll try it once more and then we’ll change it up if we need to.”

“And Tessa, it is nearly perfection, truly,” she says, and Tessa nods, merely waiting to hear the note that’s coming. Marie-France puts one hand on her arm. “Cherie, only remember to enjoy yourself!” she adds with a wide smile. “It is a beautiful program, have fun with it, no?”

Tessa breathes out a laugh, grateful for the reminder. She feels herself actively release some tension in her shoulders. “Yes, I will.  _ We _ will.”

“That is all I ask of you. Both of you, my dears.” She takes Tessa’s face in her hands and kisses both cheeks, then does the same for Scott. Then she takes her leave, moving to join Patrice back in the office. Scott and Tessa have the ice to themselves for another half an hour.

“You ready for one more go?” she asks.

“You bet. Just give me one second to tell my legs.”

“Aw, poor Scott. Getting old there, are we?”

“Kiddo, you’re only two years behind me, you know.”

“I know, I’m just teasing,” she says, nudging him with her elbow. “We’ll do a couple of slow laps first?”

“Yes, please,” he answers. Scott’s still smiling, though. In fact he’s been in a good mood all practice, despite any fatigue. Actually, now that she thinks about it, he’s been like that for a few weeks now.

“Hey, you seem like you’re in a good mood these days,” she says, nudging him again.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like you’re somewhere else, a little bit.” He glances at her, looking worried, and she quickly relieves him. “Not in a bad way, Scott. Your steps are fine, Marie-France would have said so if something was up.”

“Good,” he answers. “Yeah, well, the thing is…” he starts, almost like he’s hesitating. “I kind of met a girl,” he finishes.

“Really?” she says, a strange mix of surprise and intrigue coming over her. “Who is she?”

“She’s a teacher. I met her at one of those meet and greets I did a little while back, I told you about those, right?”

He had told her, she remembers now. It had been when she was in the thick of it with course assignments and her test prep. She’d gotten to the other side of both with flying colours, and was now happy to be closing in on the end of the semester and her final grades. Soon she’d be submitting her application to the Desautels Faculty of Management and had all but started counting the days until she’d be able to.

“Oh, that’s nice. What does she teach?”

And then they move around the ice for another lap, while she listens to Scott tell her about Christine. As she listens she can hear the affection in his voice when he talks about her. It’s something like boyish infatuation, but more than that. The more he talks about her the more she realizes what it really is - he’s talking like someone in love.

It hits her more sharply than she’d expected it to - more than she’d care to admit out loud. If she’s honest with herself she’d have to admit she’s feeling something else, along with the surprise and intrigue. Envy, perhaps, and then a kind of sad, shallow feeling she doesn’t want to examine very closely.

_ He found someone _ , she thinks.  _ He really did it, already. _ She can tell from his smile that he’s cautious about what this is, between him and Christine, but hopeful and eager at the same time. He’s found someone he cares about, who cares about him back.

“Anyway,” he says, finishing saying something about Christine’s family. “You’ll have to meet her sometime, okay? I’d like to introduce her to you.”

His expression is so hopeful just then, so open. Almost like what he’s found wouldn’t be real if it wasn’t something he could share with her. The feelings that landed on her a moment ago start to slowly dissipate as she realizes this, and she smiles back at him.

“I’d like that. We can all have dinner some time? Before the holidays?”

His smile is so big then it reminds her of him at twelve years old, like they’ve just learned a new dance step down pat and he’s so proud he managed it as well as she did.

“Yes, definitely. We’ll set it up.”

Then they skate towards the end of the ice and take their opening position, and Tessa smiles, and spends the next four minutes skating as though she’s enjoying herself.

She’s determined to succeed.

 

*

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa moves forward with her studies, Scott moves forward with his new relationship, and a special event brings some conversations to the surface.

 

Scott had wanted Christine to come see him and Tessa skate the holiday show but in the end it hadn’t worked out with her teaching schedule. Truthfully, a part of him had also been holding back from sharing that aspect of his life with her up close and personal just yet. He knows she’s seen them skate before - on television and video clips, some of which he’s been the one to show her. And she’s said she likes their skating. But performances in person are different and he has to confess he doesn’t mind delaying that a little bit. He wants more time with Christine, getting to know her and letting her get to know him, on his own. 

Still, he genuinely wants the two women in his life to meet, he thinks they really could be friends. He was being honest when, only a month into dating Christine, he told Tessa he wanted all of them to get together. So not long after that, they do.

The week after recording the ice show and two weeks before Christmas, Scott invites Tessa to meet them for dinner at a bistro in Mont Royal, not far from where he and Christine first met for coffee. It’s a Wednesday evening, so he knows Christine will be past the midpoint of her week and ready for a bit of relaxation and distraction. He picks her up at her place and they arrive at the restaurant first, a little early for their reservation.

They wait by the front as the waiter checks that the table is ready. Christine stands a bit closer to him and puts her hand in his.

Scott leans down and kisses her briefly, smiling. “Hey, you okay?”

Christine nods. “Yeah, I’m good. I am,” she repeats, smiling back.

“You sure?”

“Yes, I promise. Just...why do I feel like I’m walking into a job interview?”

“Is that really how you feel?” He’s taken aback slightly, but then thinks for a second and gets what she means.  

“Or, no, like I’m taking a test or something. Am I dreaming right now? You know, like the one where you have to take the final exam but you don’t remember taking the course?” She’s fidgeting a bit, worrying at her lower lip.

“Hey, it’s okay, Chris, I swear. It’s just Tessa, she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.”  _ Well, that’s not entirely true _ , he thinks. It’s not like he hasn’t seen all sides of her after twenty-some years. But that’s probably not the point to dwell on right now with his girlfriend who he very much wants to get along with his...well, his Tessa.

“I know, but she’s still your…” her voice trails off on the next word, just as his thoughts did. “She’s important to you,” she finishes eventually. “I just hope she likes me.”

“Of course she’ll like you, there’s no reason anyone wouldn’t like you, including Tess,” he says honestly. He knows his perception is a bit skewed here, but still.

The waiter comes over then and brings them over to their table. Scott helps Christine out of her coat and steps aside to hang it up. He’s just pulling off his coat and scarf and hanging it up next to Christine’s when he turns and sees Tessa walking over to them. She waves and smiles at him. He can tell she’s dressed for dinner, but not as fancy as he’s seen her on some other occasions. He thinks about Christine’s chatter in the car about how she’d taken forever deciding what to wear, and wonders if Tessa had done the same thing when she was getting ready to come. Suddenly his stomach drops a little, wondering how this is going to go.

“Hi!” she greets him, kissing him quickly on the cheek. “Here, could you …” she starts taking off her coat too, and he holds out his hands for it. Of course he always takes her coat, she doesn’t need to ask.

They step over to the table and Christine’s standing, a ready smile on her face. She holds out her hand to Tessa first.

“Hi, I’m Christine,” she says brightly. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Tessa answers, taking her hand and then leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. “Oh, you have the most beautiful hair!” she says suddenly, and then puts a hand towards her mouth. “I’m so sorry, you must get that all the time. I’m sure you know exactly what colour your hair is,” she adds quickly.

Christine just laughs it off. “Oh no, thank you. I actually don’t so get that so much now. But when I was younger it took a long time before I could shake off the Anne of Green Gables jokes, so as long as we’re not doing that then we’re all good.”

Tessa laughs too. “I promise I won’t,” she says. “I’ve had all sorts of nicknames too.” Scott softens, then, seeing how much care she’s taking. 

“It’s so nice to meet you in person,” Christine says again. “Scott’s told me a lot about you, but it’s never the same as meeting someone.”

“Oh, of course!” Tessa gives a nervous laugh, slightly performative he thinks to put her at ease. Both women glance back at him for a moment. “But likewise. I’m so looking forward to getting to know you.”

Scott gestures for them to take a seat, and they do. “So, drinks?” he says then, and waves for the waiter’s attention.

 

*

The next day he and Tessa meet for their early morning skating practice as always. Now with the ice show behind them, their sessions are less intensive than the previous couple of months. They’ll also have to think about what they’re aiming for next, show wise - or not. But that can keep until after the holidays, he thinks.

He knows everyone left dinner last night with a smile on their face, and Christine seemed happy with how everything went. He hopes Tessa feels the same way. The last month he’s spent getting to know Chris has been amazing - much more than he thought he would find in a relationship so quickly. Sometimes he finds himself pausing to remind himself he’s really managed it, he’s found someone again.

Christine’s not Tessa. No one else ever will be, he realized that a long time ago. That still doesn’t change the fact that he’s found someone who makes him feel he could belong - someone he can already see a future with, if he gets that lucky. And he truly does want that, but he finds himself wanting so badly for Tessa to like her, too.

“So?” he asks as they’re lacing up their skates. “What’s the verdict?”

“Oh, she’s great, Scott. Really,” she adds.

“Yeah?” He smiles, relieved. He looks back at her for a moment, really looking and listening. He knows she wouldn’t lie to him, but he also knows that if she disagreed with him on something big she’d probably find a way to let him down slowly.

“She’s so great. I really like her, you…” she thinks for a second. “You were right about everything you said, you two really do seem to fit well together.” 

He nods some more. They both stand, ready to move to the ice now. “Oh, good. I’m so glad, T, if you didn’t...I mean, I know we’ve been good for a while, but if you didn’t…I mean, if things weren’t okay between us like this…”

“I know,” Tessa says. She reaches both hands out, lets them rest on his arms. “Don’t worry Scott, I know. I mean...I’d be wrong if I said I’d expected something like this to happen for you so fast,” she says, and he wonders if she’s smiling then to cover something else. “But I want you to be happy, truly. You should have this, if it's what you want.”

He brings his hands up to hers, then, and squeezes. He lets out the rest of the breath he’d been holding in. “Thank you,” he says simply.

She smiles back again, and then they take off their skate guards and step onto the ice.

“Chris really likes you too, you know,” he says as they start on a warm-up lap. “She said you guys talked about meeting up again sometime?” He remembers they’d both walked off to the ladies room together while he settled the bill. They’d returned looking like they’d talked about a few things.

“Oh, we did!” Tessa answers. “I said I’d love to go shopping with her if she wants. Or she said she’d show me some skiing sometime in the winter, I guess she still does cross-country sometimes?”

“She does,” he confirms. “It’s one of the reasons she likes living here, easy access to lots of winter sports.” He wonders then what else they’d talked about.

“Well she’s found the right person, then. Besides, I reminded her I know all your secrets,” she adds with a wink. “In case that’s something that comes in handy.”

“Hah hah,” he brushes off. “Just let me enjoy the fact that both the women in my life are getting along,  _ then _ I can adjust to the idea of you being in cahoots together.”

She laughs, then. “We’ll see. It might turn out that you won’t have much control over that one, kiddo.”

Scott laughs back, albeit little more hesitant this time. He has to admit he hadn’t considered  _ that _ .

 

*

Tessa returns to London a few days before Christmas, arms full of suitcases packed with all her cozy clothes and far too many presents for her little nieces - Kevin’s new little one is just a few months old but Tessa’s ready to spoil her too.

She gets back to her waiting house and starts brushing the dust out of the corners, warms it up after so many days spent empty. She lights a fire in the fireplace and makes herself a cup of tea, leaning back into the couch and letting herself absorb the restful feeling for a moment. 

In spite of all of her reassurances with her mother, it’s true that she can’t help but feel the solitude a little bit differently, now. It’s not a bad feeling, necessarily, but it is different. Like her house is quieter than before, waiting for her to bring someone else into it.

The next day she shakes it off. She throws herself into the momentum of the holiday and all the family visiting. Her older niece is getting so much bigger and more grown-up. Tessa gets good at braiding her long hair just the way she likes it, learns her new clapping and singing games. Her brothers and sister are happy to see her again as she is to see them. It’s been a full year for everyone, not just Tessa, and hearing them talk all about their jobs and homes and families turns out to be even more reassuring than she expected. She tells them all about how she’s ready to submit her school application once her transcripts for this semester are final, and with any luck she’ll be full time starting next summer. They’re proud of her for pursuing her education, in the way that only siblings can be.

Boxing Day arrives and she heads to the Moir family’s brunch open house. Jordan and her mother come with her, but her brothers have other commitments with their wives’ extended families and they make their goodbyes in the morning.

Scott had told her Christine was spending Christmas in Toronto with her stepbrother and his young family, but that he had been encouraging her to come by to meet his family at some point. Sure enough, she’s there with him in the crowd when Tessa arrives. In that moment she’s hit with a sudden wave of empathy for Christine, meeting so many new people at once. Meeting the Moir family is not a casual activity. Not for the first time, Tessa feels glad she herself got to do it growing up and not all at a run like all of Scott’s girlfriends have had to do over the years.

But she can tell that this isn’t just another relationship like the others. She can already see he’s in this for the long haul, and to her credit Christine seems to be taking everything in stride. There’s nothing false about her, nothing mistrustful. She comes across so warm and genuine because that’s exactly who she is.

If Tessa hadn’t already decided to be friends with her at first, she certainly has by now. If this is the person Scott has opened his world to, then Tessa has room in her heart for her too.

Kate and Jordan pause in the kitchen to ask Danny about drinks, but Tessa keeps walking into the living room where Scott and Christine are chatting with Alma. She hugs Christine first.

 

*

It goes even better than Scott had hoped, spending a couple of days sharing Christine with his family.

“Oh Scott, she’s lovely,” his mother says to him while he’s helping clear plates.

“Thanks, Mom,” he says. “I hoped you’d say that.”

“Did you see little Charlotte with her over there? She can’t get enough of her, I think she’s her new best friend.”

Scott laughs a little. “Yeah, I think she’s got Charlotte convinced she knows every cool book ever written.”

“Well I would hope so, if she’s as good a teacher as she sounds,” his mother says. “I hope we see more of her here, if that's what you want,” she says, a little quietly this time.

“You will, Mom. I can promise you that much,” he answers, blushing in spite of himself.

His mother pauses then, as though thinking over the next thing she wants to say. “I know a year ago we all expected something different to happen for you,” she says gently. “And I know you said you’re both okay with it.”

He can tell everyone’s still a bit surprised, when just a year ago it had seemed he and Tessa were a sure thing - or at least, had seemed so to the outside. He still thinks about it sometimes, wondering whether he and Tess had just been oblivious from the start. But every time he goes over in his mind he concludes that no, they did love each other. And they still do. But maybe they’re meant to love each other as friends and partners, in the way they always had before.

If he has to choose between loving Tessa as a friend, in the way he’s always loved her as long as he’s ever known her, and loving her in a way that makes her feel like she has to compromise too much of herself - that isn’t a choice he has to second-guess. He loves her enough to let her go. And he knows she loves him enough to do the same.  

“We  _ are _ okay now, really.” He’s starting to get weary of having this conversation over again every time. He hopes Christine hasn’t been getting too much of this. He’s talked to her about it already and she’s been very understanding, but still. “Tess and I are always going to be friends, you know that right?”

“Oh yes,” she says, sounding a bit relieved. “As long as you’re happy. Both of you.”

“I am, Mom. I really am.”

Because the truth is now Scott looks at Christine and does feel truly happy. He feels lucky not just to have found someone but that he’s found  _ her _ . This kind, smart, compassionate woman who spends her days trying to help young people learn things, and spends her evenings and nights with him. It grounds and humbles him in a way he hasn’t felt in a while. And it makes him want to stop waiting and let himself have the life he wants.

 

*

Scott spends New Year’s Eve with Christine - they attend a party put on by one of her teacher friends, lots of couples and no shortage of food and bubbly. Even a few party games and ridiculous hats and noisemakers. He likes her friends - a lot of them share her sense of humour, her outlook on the world.

It’s nearing eleven when her hand finds his, pulling him off to one end of a corridor. “What do you think about heading back? You can come back to my place, it’s closer.”

“Sure,” he says, putting down his drink on a nearby bookshelf. “Are you feeling tired?”

Christine shakes her head. “Not at all,” she answers. “But I do want to go home with you. When midnight comes I just want to be with you.” She starts out sounding like she’s trying to be seductive, but then ends up just smiling at him, even blushing a little.

He smiles back. “Okay. Yes, I’d like that too.”

Her smile broadens. “I’ll say goodbyes while you dial us a cab. But for the record,” she adds, “if anyone asks we are leaving because I am tired. And so are you,” she says with a wink.

He has his phone out of his pocket and punches the taxi app in three seconds flat.

 

*

True to her word, once the New Year rolls around Tessa collects her transcripts, finalizes arrangements for her reference letters, and submits her application to the MBA program. While she begins her wait to hear back, she books a few days in Toronto to meet with her management team. It’s been a few months since she was able to set up the next round of sponsorship appearances, and with a potential two-year program looming it occurs to her this is really the time she should be ramping things up, rather than winding them down.

This time she books not only Nivea and Starbucks but a nail polish line as well. Cosmetics haven’t been her first selection in the past, but she decides to try it out for fun and sets up a few sponsored Instagram posts. All in all she should have enough material for the next six months.

In the meantime Adidas has still been a supportive brand partner. She makes contact with her representatives there and finds they have already planned out some ideas for a spring campaign with her - online ads, billboard posters, the works. It feels familiar enough to not stress her out too much, but still exciting and expansive.

By the time Nationals roll around her head is spinning a bit, mostly in a good way. She’s glad she’d already decided to fly out to attend the championships in Calgary. Besides wanting to support Scott’s teams and everyone else from Gadbois, it’s Kaitlyn and Andrew’s last year of competition and she wants to be there in the stands when they get their golds.

Marie-France seems to have pulled enough strings so that Tessa’s access includes everything up to the Kiss n’ Cry. She meets her backstage just as warm-ups are getting going for the short dance.

“Marie, this is too much, I don’t need to be at this level with you guys,” she says, kissing her cheeks in greeting.

“Nonsense, have you not been helping our skaters this season as an artistic consultant? Of course you have.”

“I still think it’s too much, but I have to admit it’s nice being back here again.”

“You are welcome with us any time. I know they are all so boosted by your support, even the experienced ones.”

“I hope I’ll be able to keep up with it still next year.”

“You haven’t heard anything yet?”

“Oh goodness no, I’m sure my package has just barely landed on the admissions desk. And I’ll have to do an interview if they want to consider me.”

“Good. Any solid program should have a good vetting system. And then you’ll know you deserve to be there once they take you,” she winks at her.

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as I’m in,” Tessa says, her superstition eventually no match for Marie-France’s warm optimism.

Then she sees the skaters start to file in for the next group, and Kaitlyn and Andrew walk by in the background. She hugs Marie-France again and tells her she’ll see her later, then makes a beeline for her friends who she hasn’t seen in far too long.

  
  


*

“We did it, Chris! Mary and Sebastian were third. It was pretty close, too, closer than we’d thought - they were only 3 points behind the silver. Really not too bad at all for their first time out at seniors, but we’ve got some room to grow.”

“Ah, that’s great!” Christine answers. He wishes he could tell her in person and not just over the phone. “Oh, but they’ll be extra hungry for it now, won’t they? Finishing so close behind.”

“Oh yeah, you should see them. Sebastian’s not saying very much at all, which means I’ll hear about it back at the rink.”

“So let me guess, Mary’s already planning what you should do next?”

“You guessed right. She’s already talking out all of the lifts, saying they should increase the difficulty level on their entrances.” He shakes his head. “I’m going to have a lot to keep up with when we’re back.”

“Just don’t start living at the rink too much,” she says. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I wish you were here with me.”

“Well, I guess you should have thought of that before taking up with a schoolteacher. It’s hard to get away for a week so close after the holidays.”

“You’re coming to Worlds, though, no getting out of that when it’s right at home.”

“Yes! I can’t wait. I want to see you in action with these guys at a real competition. Coach Moir, so intense, I bet.”

“Hah, well...you’re not all wrong about that,” he admits. “But yes, you will get to see everything. I’m excited for you to.” He pauses then, both thinking out loud and finally letting the adrenaline of the day catch up with him.

“Hey, you okay?” Christine asks after a moment. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking that I’m really happy for my team. And I’m thinking I can’t wait to get home and see you again.”

“You will soon. I’ll be there tomorrow at the airport with bells on.”

“Me too.”

“You’d better. Or else I’m going to find a different figure skating coach to fall for. Maybe the one that coaches the teams that do win the gold and silver.”

“Oh, it’s like that, is it? Well then I’d better get back to my team and tell them they’ve got some work to do.”

“I love you, sweetheart,” she says then.

“I love you too, Chris.” They’ve said this few enough times so far that it still thrills him every time, to say it and to hear it. “I’ll see you so soon.”

“You will.”

  
  


*

“So what do you think, T, one more go at Stars on Ice?”

It’s just a few weeks post-Nationals and Scott’s still riding the high of his team’s finish on the podium. In the absence of anything else new to work on, he and Tessa have just finished a run-through from their Niagara holiday program, working through the gears and thinking about what elements they’d like to modify for something else.

“Really?” Tessa asks, and to be honest he’s a bit surprised that she’s surprised. He hadn’t thought it would be that out of the question - after all, her program doesn’t start until the summer and he’s in a good post-competition period right now.

“Yeah, we could do it. Jeff didn’t ask you?”

“Well, he mentioned it, sure, but gave me a couple of weeks to think about it.” She looks back at him as they skate back over to the boards in search of their water bottles. “Sounds like he’s been a bit more heavy-handed with you, though,” she says knowingly.

“Yeah, I think he figured I would be the harder catch this time. I swear it feels like I did that industry coaching course like, a minute ago, and now here we are in January and I’m just coming up for air between competitions.”

“Well, when your teams starting winning medals at Worlds, just be sure to remember us little people that helped get you there,” she jokes.

“Hey, don’t even joke about that. I just got Mary calmed down from missing Nationals silver by a couple of points.”

“I know, I’m just teasing,” Tessa says. She grabs her water bottle and takes a welcome drink, as he does the same. “But yeah, it would be fun. Let’s do Stars on Ice. I think I can still be in tour shape in a couple months.

“Get into? Come on T, you’re totally tuned up.”

“I’m glad you think so,” she says a bit glumly. “I’ve had a lot more sitting around time than I’d like, lately.”

“I’d hardly call studying ‘sitting around,’” he counters. “But yeah, I’m down too. Stars on Ice 2020, we’ll do it. It’ll be fun to see everyone again.”

“You think we should do the Niagara routine?” she asks. “And then maybe one new one? Marie-France and Sam are always game, you know that.” Their Niagara show had been a more classic, lyrical style, a little reminiscent of their earlier years. But another routine with a bit of humour to it, something upbeat, that would go nicely to pair it with.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. No more going back to old routines, right?”

“My thoughts exactly. We skate new stuff from now on.”

And that’s just what they do.

  
  


*

To the surprise of absolutely no one around her, Tessa completes her interview and is accepted to the MBA program not long after. She breathes a sigh of relief knowing her hard work of the last several months has paid off.

“You feeling ready, sis?” Jordan asks her over the phone one Saturday morning. Tessa’s in the middle of sorting her clothes, trying to figure out what to pack up first.

“About what, school or the move?”

“Well, the move goes along with school, right?”

 

“Sure. In that case I guess both. But mostly the school part.” Within a few weeks of getting her acceptance letter she’d finalized a lease on a new apartment, a little closer to McGill. Christine - and now Scott, really - always speaks so highly of the neighbourhoods west of there and she’d decided to try it out.  _ New place, new start _ , had become her new mantra. 

“When’s the moving van coming? Before or after Worlds?”

“Oh, way after,” she says. “I’ve got time to pack up, I’m just trying to do bits at a time.”

“It looks great from the pictures,” Jordan affirms. “Hardwood floors and a view of the city, not too shabby, T.”

“I know, it’s so great. If I can’t be in my own little house I can try to get close to the same style, right?”

“Yeah, how about that, anyway? Are you going to take the offer to rent it out?’

Around the same time as she’d signed her new lease Tessa got a message from her housekeeper in London asking if she’d be willing to reconsider renting out her house. There’s a new professor in the area looking for a place for himself and his husband, just the two of them and no children. They come well recommended, one of her mother’s friends already knows them as it turns out.

“I’m still not sure yet. I still don’t know if i want to give up the house, even temporarily.”

“How long do they want to lease it?”

“They said at least for the year but would be open to longer. I guess he’s there on a three-year appointment that might become permanent.”

“Then just do it for a year,” Jordan reasons. "You can extend it for longer, or not." Tessa can practically hear her shrugging in reassurance.

“I’ll think about it,” she says, and changes the conversation to other much more important things, like the fact that Jordan and her husband recently decided to start trying for a baby. It turns out they haven’t any results yet, which is why she’d been reluctant to bring it up.  

True to her word, though, Tessa thinks about the house rental offer for a couple of days before deciding to go ahead with the it - she’s never been completely sure about the idea of renting out her home, and still isn’t if she’s honest. But she reasons that she’ll realistically be in Montreal permanently for the next two years for her program, and the additional income certainly wouldn’t hurt anything.

She works out a contract with her new tenants and arranges a start date that allows her a bit of time to put her belongings in storage. It’s more than a little bit strange, the feeling of giving up her home, even on a temporary basis. But at the same time it feels somewhat freeing, getting to commit more to Montreal for at least the next little while. 

After all, she’ll be here, Scott will be here, and her skating life and business connections, while a little different from a couple of years ago, haven’t gone anywhere. 

 

*

“Christine, over here!” Tessa waves at her from her place in the stands, just a few rows from the ice. The other woman sees her and waves back, making her way down to where Tessa’s waiting.

The World championships have finally arrived in Montreal. Tessa’s excited to be watching in support of all the Canadian teams, but especially Kaitlyn and Andrew. They’re fresh from their gold medal finish at Nationals, and since they’ve said - privately, at least - that this is their last competition year, she’s hoping so badly for them to get the silver they deserve.  _ Well, gold would be even better _ , she thinks, but keeps that to herself.

Christine arrives at their seats and Tessa hugs her in greeting. “It’s good to see you!” she says. “I hope we can go skiing again soon,” she adds. They’d followed through on the plan to try cross-country together in the New Year, but since then had been stymied by a combination of scheduling challenges and a relatively dry winter.

“Me too,” Christine says. “I wish we had more snow this year, it doesn’t feel like winter without it.”

“I’m with you,” Tess answers as they sit down. “It’s so strange not to have more snow on the ground, I keep expecting a blizzard and none ever comes. Did you get a program booklet?”

Christine reaches into her purse and pulls one out. “All set. Scott’s given me the run down a few times so I think I’ve got it, I’ve just never gotten to see one of these in person before.”

“Oh, it’s so different in person,” Tessa confirms for her. “We move a lot faster on the ice than you think.”

“Scott said that, too,” she nods. “And I’ve learned more than I care to about the judging,” she says with a glum expression.

“Yes,  _ that _ . Probably best not to get me started on that score.” She thinks again about Kaitlyn and Andrew. While she’s glad to not be caught up in the stress of backstage politics and expectations, she can’t help but feel for her friends. She hopes they get the podium finish they want.

Christine opens her program to the day’s page. “So, tell me about the short dance. Or, rhythm dance? I can’t remember anymore, all the YouTube videos Scott showed me are blurring together.”

Tess laughs. “Then I’m your girl.” They watch as the first group of couples take the ice, and Tessa explains all about step patterns and dance holds and technical requirements. Christine pays special attention to Scott’s team and the others from Gadbois, cheering loudly for them and blowing a kiss to Scott when she sees him down by the boards. He sees her waving and blows a kiss back, also sparing a wave just for Tess.  

A couple of hours later Christine’s fully on side, and by the time the final group skates is just as indignant when unfair scores are posted. She ask questions about the differences between the top handful of competitors, reacting with the crowd when the showstopper moves come out. At the end of the day they both wind their way down to meet Scott, who’s excited to tell them everything. Tessa bids them goodnight and leaves Scott and Christine to catch up on their own, making sure to find Kaitlyn and Andrew before she leaves.  

The next day Christine’s next to Tessa again as they watch Kaitlyn and Andrew take silver - a little too close a margin ahead of bronze for Tessa’s comfort - and she’s glad to have someone there next to her to share her excitement.

“Oh they’re so beautiful on the ice,” Christine says. “I love that they chose Annie Lennox, she’s been a favourite of mine for years.”

“Mine too,” Tessa says. “They spent a long time figuring out their music but I guess Kaitlyn won out on this one. I think it was the right choice.”

“Clearly. I’m glad they got silver.”

“I’d love it if it was gold, but...sometimes that’s just not how it goes.”

Christine nods sympathetically. “How does that feel, when the medal’s not the right colour?”

Tessa thinks for a minute. “It’s always a bit of a let down, for sure. It’s hard for it not to feel that way. But then, if you’ve worked hard and done everything you can, then...sometimes silver can still be a win.”

Christine nods again, looking at Tessa and then back out on the ice where they’re preparing the podium. “In that case, silver’s the right colour today,” she smiles.

“I think so too,” Tessa says, and they applaud then as the skaters return to the ice.

 

*

It’s almost like a different world compared to last year, skating Stars on Ice this time. The tension and uncertainty that followed them around last time are long gone. The other skaters know the story between them - either directly or indirectly - and are mostly glad to have a congenial atmosphere to practice in.

There’s also a sense from a lot of them that this is the last one - a sort of final hurrah when they didn’t want to completely let go of each other after the Thank You Canada Tour. It’s midway between Olympic years, and time to start passing some torches.

Scott spends a lot of time catching up with Patrick. He’s planning his wedding with Liz and looking forward to inviting everyone out to Vancouver soon.

“Have you guys set a date yet?” Scott asks, not for the first time. They’re on the flight to Quebec City, the first few tour stops successfully behind them.

“Oh my God, not you too,” Patrick groans. “Let me know when you and my mother want to start trading off.”

“Come on, we’ve all got to plan our lives, here. You should know, you’re the one trying to start a new program out west.”

“ _ Exactly _ ,” Patrick says. “Cut a guy some slack over here.”

“Ah, man, you know we’re all just happy for you, right? We just need to know when to show up.”

“As soon as we know, you’ll know, I swear.” Patrick waves for the flight attendant and a soda refill. “On that subject, though, how’s things with you and Chris?”

“So good, Chiddy. She’s amazing. You should meet her. She’s gonna be there for the Montreal show, hopefully it work out we can all go for dinner or something before we fly out again.”

“Definitely.” He looks at Scott a little more closely and then elbows Scott. “And when are  _ you _ looking to set a date, then?”

Scott sputters mid-sip on his soda. “Oh, so it’s like that is it?”

“I dunno, man you tell me. You’ve barely stopped talking about her since Christmas.”

“Yeah, things are really good. And I’ve...I’ve thought about it,” he admits. “More than once.”

Patrick stops again and looks back at Scott. “Yeah? So...it really is like that, then.”

Scott nods. “Yeah, I think it might be.”

“So...what are you waiting for, then?”

Scott looks at Patrick and then stares back at the seat in front of him. Truthfully, he doesn’t have an answer. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m waiting for the right time.”

“Will you know when that happens?”

He nods, this time very sure of himself. “Yes. I think I will.”

  
  


*

In May, not long after the tour ends, Scott and Tessa get word they’re going to be appointed to the Order of Canada. Preparations are underway for a ceremony in August.

Tessa’s done the mental math and realized she’ll be about a month into her new program by then, but should be able to make it work. And in any case, this really isn’t something she can turn down - it’s an incredible honour, one that she’s having trouble fathoming even as she talks it out with Scott.

“What do you think it really means, anyway?” Scott asks her on the phone. But she can tell he’s not  _ really _ asking though, she can hear in his voice he’s ramping up to find a joke about it, make light of the whole situation. He never did need the accolades or awards.  _ At least that hasn’t changed, _ she thinks, gladly. “Are we knights, now? Do we get our own dukedom and a castle?”

“I think it’s duchy, not dukedom.” She chuckles in spite of herself, glancing through the embossed letter and notices of procedure sent from Rideau Hall. “Besides, we’re not getting either of those things. And I don’t think we’re knights, exactly. We get a special medal and insignia. It means we’re stewards of Canada now, something like that.”

“Oh, well we’ve been doing that for  _ years _ already. We’ll be pros.”

“Oooh, and we get to have our own coats of arms if we want,” she adds, reading more of the fine print.

“ _ Sweet. _ I bet those’ll come in handy when we’re getting the dukedoms and castles.”

“Mmm.” She scans through the rest of the documents, reading through rest of the names. The two of them in startlingly good company. There are a few dozen names from every industry - scientists, performers, writers. There’s a local cancer specialist whose name she recognizes from some of the articles circulated in the university journals. She notices Rosie MacLennan’s name from the summer games, but then after a moment it dawns on her why the list seems odd to her.

“Scott?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re the only skaters on this list. Actually we’re the only winter athletes at all, I think.”

“Yeah, i saw that too. I wish Patrick’s name was on there, he deserves it just as much. And the others, too.”

“We’ll throw a big party after, invite them and share it with them.”

“I know, we could use a reason to get the gang back together.” And it’s true, not all of them were in the mix this year at Stars on Ice.

She can hear cooking noises in the background. She wonders what he’s making, if he’s making it for one or for more. “Will you bring Christine?” Her voice softens. She glances around her own quiet apartment, realizing fleetingly she has no idea what she has to eat.

“Yeah,” he answers gently, and she can hear the smile in his voice. “I haven’t told her yet though. She just got back from a school trip this afternoon, keeping thirty Grade 7s from escaping into Quebec City forever.”

“Oh man. I wonder how many little trysts and heartbreaks she had to manage.”

“God, I hope none for her sake. Anyway I told her I’d have dinner ready once she got out of her bubble bath and remembered what it’s like to not have to wrangle twelve and thirteen-year-olds.”

“You’re a good man, Scott Moir.”

“So people keep telling me,” he brushes her off. In the background then there’s the sound of footsteps and a door closing. “One sec, T?”

“Sure.” While he greets his dinner guest she steps over to the kitchen, opening the cupboard with the glasses. She pulls the stoppered bottle of Chardonnay out of the fridge just as Scott comes back.

“Christine’s here now, T, I’m gonna sign off. We’ll figure out all the travel and stuff tomorrow, yeah?”

“You bet. You’d better dust off that tux.”

“I’ll have to find it first. Take care, kiddo.”

“You too.”

Tessa puts the phone down on the counter and trades it for the wine, pouring herself half a glass while surveying the lingering unpacked boxes in one corner. The laptop and papers she knows need some attention are there, standing stacked on one of the counter stools.

She takes another sip of wine and brings the glass and her phone back to the couch, dialing her mother’s number with a smile on her face.

 

*

In July Tessa finally starts her new program, with a mix of equal parts exhilaration and trepidation. She’s excited to be attending classes, especially in person rather than online like she did for most of her undergraduate degree. She’s also a little intimidated by how young so many of the other students seem, and so prepared and eager. She wonders how many of them jumped straight from undergrad right into their MBA, how many of them have come with practical experience from the real world - some of them must have, she thinks, given the rigorous application process all of them went through.

They’re told once again in their first week about how the program is designed to incorporate theoretical learning with practical engagement on cases and examples from the world of business. They’re expected to bring all parts of their minds to their work, and encouraged to think about the final independent project they’ll be working on by the end of the two year program.

There are a few students who recognize and know her from figure skating fame. Many others seem oblivious except for trying to figure out who their biggest competition will be in the program, which she’s completely fine with. Then after the first week they’re all just students, with reading lists and deadlines.

Tessa reworks her skating schedule with Scott to accommodate her course work, trimming their weekly practice sessions to once a week instead of twice, which she can tell he’s a bit bummed about but that he also understands. Marie-France and Patrice know all about her new commitments after hearing her updates for the last several months. They reassure her they’re happy to have her contribute to the creative team when she’s able, but only then - her studies are more important right now, they insist gladly.

At the end of the second week of the program the department holds a welcome reception for the entire program - an opportunity for the new MBA students to get to know those starting their second year of the program a bit better, and to meet some of the faculty. There’s a bar and a few nibbles, and seems like an annual event that no one wants to turn down - at least amongst the keen students. Two of the others in her cohort who she’s gotten to know a bit better in seminars so far, Ava and Melissa, join forces with her and they agree to learn as much as possible. Ava also seems pretty keen on discovering who amongst their classmates is the most eligible to date, which charms Tessa and almost makes her wish she was twenty-three again. Melissa is a little older, having spent time on a Master’s in Economics and a year of volunteering abroad before returning to her studies.

Between the students, the full-time professors, and the part-time lecturers, there are so many people to talk to. Tessa starts out grouped with a few of the others in her cohort, who press some of the second-years for details about just how gruelling the final projects really are. Eventually she drifts off and strikes up conversations on her own, learning more from some of the other professors about what she can expect.

Tessa’s in the middle of tapping out a few one-handed notes onto her phone - after a glass of wine and not enough food she already doesn’t trust herself to remember everything she’s learned - when she finally steps farther off to the side and discards her nearly empty glass so she can have both hands free. A few minutes later when she’s slipping her phone back into her pocket, looking around to see if she can locate any of the other lecturers she wanted to talk to, she starts walking back towards the bar and bumps directly into someone walking into the room.  

“Oh I’m so sorry!” she apologizes immediately, looking the man up and down, grateful she wasn’t holding something she would have spilled on him. He’s wearing a very nice suit, and a very nice tie - as are most of the men in the room, really, but there’s something about the way he wears his that makes her admire it a bit more.

“It’s my fault,” he says, “I should learn to look where I’m going.” He smiles then, and Tessa’s momentarily stalled, smiling back at him. He’s polite with her but already not nearly as formal as most of the other lecturers she’s spoken to this evening. Or at least, she’s assuming he’s on the instructor side of the equation here. If she were to guess she’d say he was a couple of years older than her. “Alex Kapoor,” he says, holding out his hand in introduction.

“Tessa Virtue,” she replies, shaking his hand as offered. “I’m new this year, I should definitely know better than to start walking over people already.”

“And I should know better than to come to these things an hour late,” he says. “The least I can do is buy you a drink?” He holds out a hand inviting her to step ahead of him, in the path she was already headed.

“It’s an open bar, but thank you, that would be lovely.”

They gather their drinks and continue their conversation safely away from the footpaths of others.

“So, what do you teach?” she asks, continuing the line of questions she’d already begun with the other instructors here. He pauses momentarily at the pre-emptive question and she shrugs. “I took a guess that you’re among the lecturers here and not one of the students.”

“You’re right,” he smiles. “I’m on that side of the classroom. But actually I’m not teaching quite as much right now, at the moment I help out by leading a few of of the second year case study seminars, and I’m senior reviewer on a few of the undergraduate projects.”

“That sounds like a lot more than ‘helping out’, to me,” she observes. “But I’m guessing you keep busy well enough outside of the faculty here?”

“You could say that,” he chuckles now. “I work with Garrison-Mackintosh, we specialize in consulting with Fortune 500 companies to refine their long term strategy and operate more efficiently.”

Tessa lifts her eyebrows just slightly. She’s heard of the company, seen their big offices off of Bay St. in Toronto. She’s pretty sure they have offices in London and Sydney, as well. “Oh wow, yeah, that would definitely keep you busy,” she agrees. “You must travel quite a lot in your role.”

“I do - but believe me it’s not as-”

“-glamorous as it seems,” she finishes, nodding. “I know, I hear you.”

He smiles again, looking at her more closely, as though considering which question to ask her next. “Enough about me, though, you must be new this year, which means I should get to know you a bit better. What will you be teaching?”

She sputters slightly in the middle of her sip, grateful at least that she hasn’t spilled on herself - or him, after practically trampling him earlier. “Oh, no, I’m not faculty,” she says. “I’m in the new MBA cohort this year, just started.”

“Oh, my apologies, I didn’t mean to assume.”

“That’s quite alright,” she says, “I’m flattered. I know I'm a year or two older than some of the others. I took a bit longer to finish my degree what with-.”

“Tess!” She’s interrupted just then by Melissa, speaking about as urgently as she can while still keeping her voice at normal indoor register.

Tessa nods to Alex and then turns slightly aside to talk to Melissa. “What’s going on?”

“I need your help with Ava, I think she had too much wine too quickly and she's starting to come on a little strong with the guys. I'm pretty sure she's half a glass away from making a fool of herself in front of the department chair.”

Tessa glances over across the room and determines that Melissa is one hundred percent correct in her estimation.

“I'm so sorry,” she says, turning back to Alex. “I need to find one of my friends.”

He's already reaching to hand her his card. “Please keep in touch,” he offers. “If I can offer any advice on the program or anything else let me know.”

“I will do that, thank you.”

And then Melissa diverts her and she spends the rest of the reception caught up with her and Ava’s antics.

  
  


*

August arrives, and along with it their trip to Rideau Hall. They’re invested into the Order of Canada along with three dozen other remarkable Canadians - many, Tessa thinks, much more exemplary than her and Scott. And she feels so young compared to so many of them. She’d read up on all of the others before the ceremony, occasionally wondering if the Governor-General had made a mistake approving her and Scott to be on on this list. They haven’t developed any life-saving medical treatments or advanced the progress of science, or achieved philanthropic greatness.

But there’s something gratifying and humbling about all of it, looking around the room at the others here with them. And then she sees the way many of the others in the room are looking at her and Scott, and she wonders if they feel the same way looking across at two Olympic medallists and comparing their accomplishments against that kind of achievement. She takes a breath and lets herself be swept up in it, smiles genuinely as they read out her and Scott’s names and pin the ribboned medals on them.

The ceremony is grand, even measured against some of the soirees they’ve been invited to over the years. It’s not the first time they’ve been this dressed up, nor the kind of accolade they’ve ever expected, certainly. Tessa brings her mother and sister as her guests, Scott brings both of his parents as well as Christine. As the event continues Tessa thinks she’s enjoying watching them enjoy the event, more than receiving the honour herself.

There’s a series of photos taken, both the whole group of recipients and then some solo photos with the Governor-General herself. This part is more familiar to both of them - photos long ago became part of their routine - and Tessa finds herself enjoying it and feeling more at home.

They spill out into a large ballroom, filled with people and servers in uniform. After a little while Tessa loses track of her mother and Jordan, guessing they’ve gone off in search of more personal meet-and-greets with some of the other high-profile guests here. And truly, she can’t blame them.

Scott and Christine wind their way back towards Tessa after a few minutes, just as she’s starting to search for a drink. He’s managed to lose his parents in the crowd as well, she notices.

“I changed my mind, we should have brought the gold medals with us,” Scott says as they join her again. As if the brand new medal and ribbon pinned to his chest isn’t enough. But yeah, she gets it.

“Did you talk to the cancer researcher guy?”

“Yeah. He’s so friendly and calm, too. I was about to ask him what his secret is but then the climate researcher lady came over and interrupted. I mean, I knew the Governor-General was an astronaut and I was ready for that part, but now I sort of wish I’d taken a few science classes before this. I am under prepared to talk to this many super smart people.”

“I did offer to lend him some of the Grade 8’s textbooks,” Christine jokes. “Besides, you are not the only athletes or artists here,” she points out for Scott’s benefit this time. “There is more to life than amazing, life-saving, world-changing, award-winning science,” she says, ribbing him further.

She’s wearing a gorgeous blue dress and her hair’s pulled back in a loose chignon that must have taken quite a lot of time to look so effortless. Tessa thinks she looks beautiful, and seems to be doing a good job at keeping up, for not having been to as many events like this before. She bets she’ll find a way to work this experience into one of her social studies lessons next year. Still, Tessa can tell she’s fidgeting a bit with the clutch in her hands.

A uniformed server walks by with a tray of flutes and Scott reaches for the glasses, passing one to Christine next to him, and one to Tessa before grabbing one for himself. “I think my parents are best friends with Rosie’s parents now, they’re still talking. Where’s Kate and Jordan?”

She nods to the far end of the room. “Over there talking to Dan Levy. I can’t decide if I need to try to rescue him or not.”

“Ah, I bet he can handle himself. I’ll go check it out, though.” He kisses Christine on the cheek and takes his leave, making his way gradually through the crowded room.

Tessa smiles at Christine, and they clink glasses. She takes a sip and then quickly follows with another. She’s glad to have a moment to pause for a moment, although she wonders when someone will come to interrupt them next and chat. It’s enough to leave her keeping a half-smile on her face just in case.

“Are you having a good time?” Tessa asks. Christine seems more quiet, now, in Scott’s absence.

Christine nods, then has a sip from her glass as well. “I am. It’s a lot to take in all at once, but so amazing.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Tessa glances around the room again, underlining the question. “It’s sort of fun, though. It’s been a while since Scott and I have been in the limelight like this together.”

This seems like the wrong thing for her to have said, Tessa wonders all of a sudden. Christine’s expression seems to drop a little.

“I mean, you were there at Worlds and Stars on Ice, of course,” Tessa continues. “So you know what those are like. Those are more the norm now that we don’t compete - but all the photos and attention and ceremony, that’s a bit different,” she says. “Scott always liked the working part more than the attention part.”

Christine’s nodding. “Yeah, I can tell. He’s said that to me too, but it’s different seeing him in action like that - both of you, really. You must have done so many events like this in your time.”

Tessa nods too. “Some. We had quite a run there for a while,” she says, laughing gently. She takes a long drink from her glass, wondering if there’s something more and letting some silence fill in between them. Christine’s looking at her like she’s about to ask or say something but hesitating.

“Christine, is there something else?” she asks gently, hoping whatever it is she can clear the air. She’s never seen Christine seem this awkward around her since she first met her - in fact, not even then.  

“Well, I…” she starts and then stops.

“It’s okay, Christine, whatever it is you can tell me.” A server walks by then, and she and Christine both set their nearly empty glasses on his tray. He walks off again, graciously.

“Tessa, this is probably the worst time to ask this, but there’s something I need to ask you,” Christine says, “and I really hope you’re not going to hate me for it.” She pauses again for a moment and Tessa just finds herself nodding again, edging herself closer.

“You can ask me anything, I promise,” she emphasizes again. As she watches Christine swallow nervously, she suddenly knows exactly what the question is going to be. The din of chatter in the room fades from her peripheral awareness, all at once.

“Is there anything I need to be worried about between you and Scott?”

Tessa saw it coming, but it doesn’t stop her stomach turning, the sudden feeling like the floor might drop out from underneath her. She’s shaking her head, reaching on impulse to clasp one of her hands. “Christine, no, no. That’s not...we’re not…”

“It’s just, I really love him, you know?” Christine continues. And  _ yes _ , Tessa thinks.  _ I do know. _ “And he’s been so open with me and reassuring with me about all of it, I know he’d never lie to me, and I know you wouldn’t either, you’ve always been so nice to me…” She stops on a suddenly shuddering breath, composing herself.

Tessa steers them towards the edge of the room, wishes she could pull them away even farther, into the deepest corner, away from the lights of this enormous ballroom. The gleaming medal pinned to her gown feels heavy - almost false somehow, if even a moment like this can’t escape the scrutiny and questions after so many years and trials.

“You have nothing to worry about from me, Christine,” she says, and knows deep inside herself that it’s true. She makes eye contact with her, doing as much as she can to remove the uncertainty. “Scott and I will always love each other, we will always care for each other. That’s never going to change,” she shakes her head. “But I’m not his, not in that way. That’s  _ you _ ,” she says, in case there’s any more doubt. “He loves you too, I know he does. I know you’re meant to be together, just like I know he and I are meant to be friends.”

Christine exhales and nods quickly, resting her other hand on Tessa’s arm. “Thank you for saying that. I kept telling myself that, I swear I wasn’t worried before.  And I’m so sorry for asking it, especially here.” She looks around the expansive room again before looking back at Tessa. Her eyes are shimmering a little bit. “It was just watching everything happen today, with all the ceremony and photos. And then it made me think about seeing you skate at that show in May, and the way you both fit together so easily with everyone watching you like that…”

_ Muscle memory _ , Tessa thinks.  _ We could still do it with our eyes closed. _

“Christine, no, please don’t think that. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time we’ve posed for photos together...” She shakes her head, at a loss for any other explanation. “It’s just how it goes.” But then she thinks for a second. “Actually…it’s how it always  _ used _ to go,” she corrects herself. “We’re not part of that life anymore, not the way we were before. And we each have our own lives, good, full lives.” She hears her own voice wobbling now, even as she tries to steady herself and think of what else she can say to convince her.

Tears spill out over Christine’s cheeks as she releases the rest of the emotion she’d been holding in. Tessa fumbles in her purse for a tissue and comes up empty, finally grabbing a cocktail napkin from one of the tables by the side.

“Thank you,” Christine answers, dabbing carefully under her eyes, still conscious of her makeup. “I’m okay now, really. If anything I feel silly, this was probably the worst thing I could have asked you at the very worst time.”

Tessa shrugs. She’s not wrong, but also Tessa’s glad there won’t be any uncertainty between them now. “Honestly, it’s okay, really. I just wish you hadn’t been worried,” she says, meaning every word. “Can we please still be friends?” she asks, meaning every word of that, too. The truth is Christine’s an easy person to like.

Christine grabs for Tessa’s hands, then. “Oh, please yes. Definitely.”

Tessa releases her hands and opens her arms to her instead, as Christine does the same. She hugs her tightly, just as she spies Scott making his way over back to them, Jordan trailing right behind him.

“Can we go have a drink some time and talk some more? I still feel like I’ve never quite gotten enough time with you,” Christine says, so with so much kindness Tessa nearly falters under it.

“Yes, absolutely. I’ll clear my calendar next weekend,” she says firmly.

Christine glances over her shoulder and notices Scott, too, but turns back to Tessa first. “Is my makeup okay?” she whispers.

“It’s perfect,” Tessa answers, smiling again. And then watches as she moves to Scott once more.  

 

*

Whatever conversation Christine and Tessa had that night seems to have changed something with her; Scott’s asked Chris about it, a few times, but all she’ll tell him is that it was good and he’s got nothing to worry about. He can’t fully put his finger on it either, just that when she’s with him she feels fully  _ his _ in a way she didn’t before. It’s in her laugh, in the way she smiles at him, the way she kisses him goodnight when they’re settled under the covers with each other in the dark.

Scott’s had the ring for a little while now. He’d asked his mother about it a few weeks ago, not long after they’d been to Rideau Hall. It’s a family piece, one that belonged to a great aunt. A few small diamonds set around a blue sapphire. He’d thought about asking his mother about it before now but never actually had. He might have, several years ago when he’d been considering his future with Kaitlyn and the closest he’d ever been to proposing to someone. And he hadn’t gotten close enough to asking about it when he was with Tessa. Just now he’s very grateful for both of those things. And he doesn’t want to spend any more time waiting.

Scott carries the ring around in his pocket for a couple of weeks before finally deciding Labour Day weekend is the time. It’s the last bit of vacation she’ll have for a while, it’s perfect weather, and all he wants is to spend time with Christine and tell her how much he loves her and wants to be with her. They drive up to her family’s cabin a few hours north of the city, on Friday afternoon in time to cook dinner and spend the evening outside by the fire.

He wakes up early Saturday morning, thoughts filled only with different ways he could ask her. As he waits for the coffee to be ready he starts pulling breakfast ingredients out of the fridge, wondering if he should pour her a glass of bubbly instead, hide the ring in the bottom of the glass. Or place the box on her bedside table where she’ll find it when she wakes up.

In the end he does none of these things. Christine comes into the kitchen just as he’s starting the eggs and bacon, rested and relaxed. She kisses him, wraps her arms around him and tucks herself underneath his chin.

“Morning,” he says, hugging her tightly. “Coffee’s ready.”

“Oh, I love you,” she answers on a half-awake sigh.

“Me, or the coffee?” he jokes.

“Mmm, it’s a very close call.” She pulls back, kissing him on the lips once, then his cheek. “But coffee never made me breakfast in the morning, so I guess it’s you. You’re stuck with me.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He kisses her back, before reaching into the cupboard for a mug and handing it to her.

She fixes her coffee and then settles into her spot at the table, waiting and watching him work, looking outside and listening to the few birds starting to wake up. The morning’s just getting started, and the sun is just on the verge of breaking out over the trees.

He brings their plates over a few minutes later, and more coffee. They eat for a few minutes in companionable silence, her hand resting on his knee as they sit next to each other.

“Hey,” he says as they’re finishing up a moment later, just half-empty mugs in front of them. He clasps his hand around hers. “So I was thinking…” he starts, trying desperately to be warm and casual and failing. She’s sitting up a little more alert, now, suddenly ready. “I was thinking, that I’d really like to marry you. And I wanted to know if you’d like to marry me, too,” he says, trying not to let his voice break.

“ _ Oh _ ,” Christine gasps, her free hand flying to cover her mouth. He can see tears filling the corners of her eyes all of a sudden.

“I love you, Chris,” he says, managing to pull the ring out of his sweats pocket and open it with one hand. “I want to marry you, have a family with you, make a life with you.” He swallows, holding out the ring to her. “Please say yes.”

She’s already nodding when she lets her hand down to take the ring from him, holding it so carefully in her fingers.

“Yes,” she says tearfully. “Of course it’s yes.” She gasps out a laugh, then, smiling as he takes the ring back from her and slides it onto her hand.

He kisses her then, first deeply and then so, so gently. Then they fold each other into their arms and hold on tightly, as the sunrise comes through the window.

*

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Order of Canada doesn’t typically skew this young, but I couldn’t help myself.
> 
> Thank you all for your reading and commenting so far! I'm glad you are enjoying this, I am very much enjoying writing it and there is still so, so much to go. I know I've said this fic will have its ups and downs, so i hope this one was a bit more 'up'!
> 
> Evergreen thank you once again to my beta readers who are worth their weight in gold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott and Tessa's new lives move forward with several life events, big and small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to everyone out there reading this! And thank you for your wonderful and reflective comments. This fic is a bit of a journey, so if you're reading a long with me I'm so touched and flattered.
> 
> Thank you again to iwantthemtostay and peacefulboo for being fantastic beta-readers, as ever.

 

In September, three things happen that change Tessa’s life. 

The first is that the week after Labour Day weekend, Scott and Christine announce they’re engaged. Scott calls Tessa to tell her the news. Well, she comes back from a run to discover he’s left a message, so she calls him back.

“She said yes, T. I asked her last weekend and she said yes!” He sounds amazed and excited.

“Oh wow,” she says, taking a moment to sit down. She sets her water bottle down on the table in front of her, still just catching her breath. “That’s amazing Scott. I almost can’t believe it!”

“I kind of can’t believe it either,” he says. “It just...it felt right. I’d been thinking about it for a little while, and just decided I didn’t want to wait anymore, you know?”

“Yeah, I do know,” she says, knowing exactly what that feels like. She remembers being in that place about two years ago now, when she took up with Scott. Although it’s still sometimes harder than she’d like to think back to that time, she knows she’s now able to remember it with some distance and a clear heart. They’ve both come a long way in that time .

Tessa thinks about how much he’s wanted this kind of happiness and how much he deserves to have it - and how much Christine deserves it, too. She smiles, then. “Congratulations, Scott, to both of you. You’re going to be ridiculously sweet together.”

“Maybe,” he says bashfully. “We’ll at least try.”

“Did you tell your parents yet?’

“Yeah, they were my first call right before you,” he answers, and she’s genuinely touched knowing that. “Mom cried. And then made Christine cry, telling her welcome to the family.” He sounds a little choked up now, like he’s working to keep his voice steady.

“Oh, Scott. That’s so great, though.”

“I know. Chris was really happy about it, too. Although I think she might still be a little intimidated by all of us. The Moir clan is not for the faint of heart.”

“Well it’s a good thing she’s proven herself, then.”

“She has. She survived Boxing Day and the Canada Day BBQ  _ and _ kept up with the family email chain. I have to make it official now, she might know too much about us for me to let her go.” His voice drifts a bit then, like he’s turned his head to someone just out of range.

Tessa laughs then. “So do you have a date yet?” She knows very well how terrible it is to ask that question so soon, but takes pleasure in ribbing him anyway.

He snorts. “T, believe me you will know as soon as we do. Well, as soon as we know and mom knows.  _ Then _ you, for sure. Although, probably it’s going to have to be December or else we wait until the summer, otherwise it’s harder for Chris’ holiday schedule.”

“Well just tell me when to be there and what kind of dress to get. Actually, I’ll ask Christine about that last part, you just tell me the date.”

“Oh, speaking of that, actually, Chris wanted to be the one to ask you something else.”   

Tessa waits as Scott hands over the phone.

“Tessa?”

“Congratulations, Christine, I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thank you,” she says gently. “Me too.”

“Scott said there was something else?”

“Yeah,” she says, and pauses to clear her throat. “So, we’d love it if you would be part of the wedding.”

“Really? Oh, absolutely, you don’t even need to ask.”

“We actually debated for a little while which side to ask you for - I mean, I’m sure you could rock a tux and stand on the groom side,” she emphasizes.

“I’m very flattered to hear that,” Tessa laughs.

“But, between Scott’s brothers and my stepbrother and my best friend from work, we’ve got the groomsmen covered. And the thing is...I don’t have a lot of women friends in my life, and I’d love if you would be a bridesmaid.”

Tessa had wondered if that would be Christine’s question, but hearing it out loud makes her suddenly well up. She swallows back the lump in her throat.

“Yes, I would love that. I’d be so honoured Christine, of course I will.”

“Oh I’m so glad,” Christine says. “My aunt is going to be my matron of honour, and then you, and maybe Scott’s niece Charlotte? And I’m not sure who else.”

“I’m in. Just tell me if it’s Christmas or summer. But if it’s Christmas I think you’d also better let me help with the planning.” 

“Oh, you might regret that,” Christine laughs, “but thank you, I definitely will take you up on that offer.”

Tessa takes a sip from her water and then stands up, feeling the need to stretch and move. “Guys, I’m going to have to get going, I’ve got a meeting in an hour. But please keep me updated?”

“Thanks, T. Love you, okay?” Scott’s voice drifts closer to the phone.

“I love you guys too,” she says. “Talk soon.”

Tessa signs off, absorbing the morning silence of her apartment. She ends up sitting one moment more and lets herself process the phone call, lets herself feel everything she’s feeling right now - surprise, happiness, and some other emotions just below the surface that she tries not to concentrate on too closely. She chooses to focus the happiness in Scott’s voice, the welcoming warmth in Christine’s, and lets it fill her up, too. She’s glad Scott’s happy enough to take this leap, finds strangely that it brings a steadiness to her world that wasn’t there before.

She takes a deep breath and gets up, ready to get set for the day, and keep going.

*

The second thing happens when she’s in Toronto two weeks later and meets Jordan for brunch. Tessa’s set up some weekend meetings with her Adidas team for another round of photo shoots. Trying to fit it it in along with her course work has been a bit tight, but manageable, and she’s hoping to leverage it somehow with her applied project next year.

She’s early for their brunch meetup and gets to the restaurant first, ordering a large latte and looking through the latest notifications on her phone while she waits. Jordan arrives a few minutes late, sees Tess immediately and waves, coming over to give her a hug.

“I’m so sorry, I overslept this morning and it’s thrown me all off,” Jordan says.

“It’s okay! More coffee time for me,” Tessa says, easy. They sit down, each on opposite sides of one corner of the table. The waitress returns and takes Jordan’s order, and she asks for tea. “Tea?” Tessa says as the waitress leaves. Are you feeling okay? You never have tea unless you’re sick.”

“I’m fine,” Jordan answers, a little too quickly. “Just felt like tea, it’s chilly this morning.” She takes a sip from her water.

Tessa looks back at her and takes half a second to absorb her sister’s appearance, tired and pale and a little flustered around the edges. “Oh my God, are you pregnant?” she blurts out.

Jordan sets her glass down with a clunk. “Shit, is it that obvious?”

Tessa’s hand flies to cover her mouth. “Oh my God! Jordan!” Then she immediately wraps her in an enormous hug. She feels tears filing her eyes as she absorbs the news. She knows they’ve spent the better part of a year trying for this and Tessa had started hesitating to ask about it.

“We just found out for sure a few days ago,” Jordan says as they part again, wiping at her eyes with the knuckles of one hand. “I’m only six weeks and we’re not really saying anything yet, but I knew I couldn’t not tell you and on the way over here I was trying to think of how to do it,” she sniffles, before barking out a laugh all of a sudden.

Tessa runs her hand down her arm, laughing with her. “Oh Jo, this is so good, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks. We were starting to wonder. But that’s what they say, right? As soon as you stop thinking it’s gonna happen, then it happens.”

She feels so much for her sister just then. Tessa’s been so caught up with her own life lately, starting her new program and figuring out her new plans with her corporate partners and getting to know Scott’s new...well, his fiancée, now, that she sees now she’d been a little oblivious to her sister’s world. She smiles again, more gently this time, squeezing Jordan’s hand.

The waitress returns then with Jordan’s tea, and takes their brunch orders at the same time. An omelette for Tessa, plain pancakes and syrup for Jordan.

“Does Mom know?” Tessa asks a moment later when they’re back to their conversation.

Jordan shakes her head. “No. No one does, not yet. Well, except you, now.” She squeezes Tessa’s hand back. “It’s still early and we’re just old enough to be paranoid not to say anything yet.”

“Sure. I won’t say anything. But, wait, are you guys still hosting Thanksgiving?” it occurs to her then. It’s coming up in just a couple of weeks. Jordan was going to host Tessa and their mother, along with Josh’s parents and younger brother. “You’re either going to need a really good cover story for not drinking, or…” she shrugs, not bothering to finish the sentence.

“I know,” Jordan allows. “I’ll tell her then, I will, just...let us have another couple of weeks to figure that out.”

“Okay. I will.”

“Still, I’m glad someone knows. I don’t think I can keep this to myself for another month,” Jordan adds, grinning widely now. It’s the first time in this conversation Tessa’s seen her looking genuinely thrilled, and she actually giggles in response.

“Let me know when I can throw you the baby shower, because it’s going to be ridiculous,” Tessa says.

“Okay, please tell me about you now,” Jordan interrupts, blushing. “Please tell me how you’re acing all your assignments and are already best friends with the other top student in the class.”

“Okay, first of all, there are many top students, and it’s a Master’s program, it’s not even like that,” she answers, before pausing in concession. “But yes, that’s pretty much a good summary so far.”

Their food arrives then. And Tessa proceeds to tell Jordan everything that’s happened since she last saw her in August.

 

*

The third thing happens another week after that, when Tessa’s getting ready for class one morning.

She’s getting ready for class and putting on a blazer she hasn’t worn in a little while when she finds Alex’s card tucked in the pocket. Smiling to herself, she decides to finally take him up on his offer to meet up. If nothing else, she’ll be able to pick his brain about more of the program and the kind of work he does. But also, she freely admits that she found him charming, he had a nice smile, and it’s been a while since she had a coffee date.

Between her courses and his travel calendar it’s early October when they do meet up, in a café not far from campus. She walks in about a half a minute after he does and when they order he picks up her cheque. A latte for her, dark roast - with sugar - for him.

“So, this is probably as good a time as any to admit that I don’t know very much about figure skating,” he admits as soon as they’ve sat down with their coffees.

In spite of herself, Tessa laughs out loud. “Ah. I’m guessing you did some reading on me?”

“I did, but I have to confess I stopped reading once I realized your Olympic medal count. I don’t know that I’ve ever met an Olympic athlete in person before, it’s very impressive.”

She laughs again. “I realize it is a little hard to compare gold medals to other things,” she acknowledges. “But in other ways it’s sort of like getting a very good, very public performance review.”

“Ahh, I  _ knew _ I’ve been running those meetings wrong this whole time,” he says. “I’m going to report this back to my team, we need some more medals around the office, not just these ridiculous key results measures.”

Tessa takes a sip from her coffee and smiles. She likes that he has a sense of humour. “So, tell me more about what you do in the program? Or...well, your work, anything,” she asks.

“Of course,” he says. “I can tell you my role is a bit more limited at the moment. I scaled back a little last year when I knew I would be doing more international consulting in my...well, my ‘day job’, I suppose.”

“You said you work more with the undergrads, right now?”

“That’s right,” he says, taking a sip from his coffee. “I supervise their final projects, or some of them at least. They have to take what they’ve learned about business models and market demand and apply it to a real world case study in small groups.”

“That sounds amazing. So practical.”

“I agree,” he says. “I don’t think all of the students do, by the time the end of the semester rolls around, but I can tell you they do learn a lot in the process. I make sure of it,” he winks.

She laughs. “That’s good. Exactly what you should be doing.”

“I like doing it but I always wish I had more time for it. With my regular work it’s hard sometimes to find that balance with so many commitments.”

“I can understand that,” she says. “Do you enjoy your work? All the travel and the corporate consulting.”

“Actually, I do,” he answers. “It’s important work, in its way. So many companies get very good at building a product or accumulating assets, but then they forget how to properly manage themselves internally, or sustain their vision into something long-term. I go in and take them through a process to help figure that out.”

She’s smiling, listening to him. “That sounds exciting, actually.”

He smiles back at her, at first something like surprise on his face, then recognition. “Well, I rather think so. But it is always a long process, and sometimes it doesn’t go the way I would like. Luckily, I work with a good team and I’m not usually on my own.”

“How often do you travel?”

“It varies. Sometimes it can be more than half the year. But I try to keep a handle on it, otherwise I’m not seeing any of my colleagues here, and I start to forget what my own home looks like.”

“I know that feeling. I miss competing and performing, sometimes, but it’s nice to have roots in one place now for a little while.”

He sets down his coffee and shifts a little in his seat, leaning a little more towards her. “I’d love to know more about what you do,” he asks.

So, Tessa tells him. She explains a little about the figure skating world she’s come from, and how it made her more curious about the world of business, especially in the last few years. She talks about the different opportunities she’s had - sponsorships like Nivea and all the ads for the Olympic team support like Visa, managing her own team of support consultants like B2ten and all that’s involved in media appearances when she and Scott are on tour or developing a project like the Thank You Canada Tour.

She also talks about her goals for her time in the program - to learn as much as possible about applying business models to contemporary entrepreneurship, learn from real-world case examples about successes and failures, and hopefully rest some plans of her own. She’d like to use the final project as an opportunity to play with some future goal setting of her own, still thinking about something in the realm of sportswear or similar branded products.

She notices Alex nodding along as she talks, clearly listening and thinking about what she’s saying.

“Essentially you’re your own corporation,” he says, impressed. “Your own Chairman of the Board.”

“Yes,” she says, laughing a little in spite of herself. It feels good to have someone new to say these things with out loud. “In a lot of ways that’s very true.”

“Well I suspect you’ll do quite well in the program,” he says, setting aside his long-empty coffee cup. “Your real challenge might be keeping yourself to the limits of the program structure, while still developing your own longer term goals alongside it.”

Tessa nods, thinking. Somehow that hadn’t occurred to her in that way, and it starts her thinking about how she can approach new opportunities in the next couple of years. She's glad to have met with him.

Their coffees long gone, they wrap up the conversation with smiles and ‘thank yous’. She excuses herself to use the ladies room, and he waits for her to come back again before they walk out.

“Thank you,” he says, shaking her hand in his. “It was good to get to know you a little better.”

“Likewise,” Tessa answers, smiling. She squeezes his hand gently before letting it go. “I hope we meet again sometime.”

“I’d like that,” he answers. “Please call me when you’re free,” he adds, a warm smile on his face as well.

“I will. I’ll...I’ll look at my calendar.”

They both nod before stepping away from each other, leaving in opposite directions. She turns to wave back at him and sees he’s doing the same. Then he turns and looks to the curb, ready to hail a cab.

As she starts to walk away she thinks about how she truly does look forward to seeing him again. Her mind is full of the way he smiled at her, the way he listened to her, and how much more she still wants to know about him. She’d done so much talking about herself and hadn’t gotten the chance to learn more about his life.

Just then she stops in her tracks, deciding in a split second to turn back around again. She jogs lightly back to where she left him, where he’s just now reaching for the door of a cab that’s pulled up.

“Alex!” she shouts, waving back at him. He pauses, leaving the taxi door ajar and signalling to the driver to wait. She reaches him, only a little breathless. “By any chance are you free for dinner tomorrow night?”

He looks a little surprised, but pleased, as he thinks for a moment before answering. “Actually...yes, I am,” he says with a smile. “Can we say..seven thirty?”

“That would be perfect,” she answers, smiling broadly.

“I’ll find us a reservation,” he offers. “And I’d be happy to pick you up, if that’s alright with you.”

Tessa nods. “I’ll text you my address.”

“I look forward to it.” Alex shakes her hand again then, leaning in at the last moment to kiss her on the cheek. She breathes in the scent of his cologne as he does so, and it’s a wonderful feeling all of a sudden.

She waits as he gets into his cab, waving back at him once more as he drives off. She keeps walking on her path back towards home, unable to wipe the smile off of her face.

 

*

 

By the time October turns to November, Tessa’s dinners with Alex have become regular occurrences. They finish the first one with a kiss on the cheek, well past handshakes then. The second one ends with him kissing her cheek, and her leaning back in quickly to kiss him on the lips. He’s tall, so she has to lift up a bit on her toes to do it. She reaches up to hold on to him, too, enjoying how broad and fit his shoulders are. He kisses her back, and they part slightly breathless. She leaves with a smile on her face.

By the fourth evening she’s quite happy to do more than that, so when Alex asks her if she’d like to come back to his place, she says yes. They walk the ten minutes back to his place, her hand tucked into the corner of his elbow, his hand resting on hers.

She discovers that evening that, in bed he’s very much as he seems otherwise - attentive, kind, and very, very methodical. The first time they come together he brings her to a gasping peak first with his mouth, letting her shatter around him well before he sheathes himself in her and eventually brings them both to release at the same time. She falls asleep next to him with a contented languid feeling throughout her body. Later, she wakes a little before dawn to kiss him awake, eventually winding one leg around his. She lets him roll her onto her back, lips never leaving her body as he joins them both together for another round that has her crying out by the end.

After that they start spending a few evenings a week together, alternately at his place or hers. In their time together she learns more about him. He tells her about his family, how he’d been born and raised in Vancouver, the third of three children. His mother is a doctor and his father is a dentist, both still practicing. His older brother and sister had pursued medicine as well, so he in a way he was the ‘black sheep’ of the family for having gone into business instead. She laughs when he tells her that, feels heartened by it.

Tessa learns he’d relocated to Montreal from Vancouver a few years ago because of the relationship he’d been in at the time - he’d lived with his previous girlfriend for several years before eventually parting ways. But he liked the city and decided to stay, having already put down a lot of professional roots. In turn she tells him more about the time she’s spent in Montreal, and with Scott, and the partnership they’ve had together.

She likes spending time with Alex, likes the way he listens to her and the way he values her listening to him. Although she likes being able to tell him about her progress in the courses she’s taking, eventually that becomes just one part of their conversations among many others.

Being with him makes many things easier, she realizes, and often feels better than being on her own. The next time he has to travel for an extended period of time for work and be away from her for several days at a time, she finds she misses him more than she’d expected, and she counts the days until she can see him again.  

  
  


*

When faced with the choice between waiting until the summer holidays or using the post-Christmas holidays to take their honeymoon, Scott and Christine end up choosing the latter. They find a wedding venue free the third weekend of December, immediately inform their closest friends and family to save the date, and launch forward with full enthusiasm.

Scott’s confident that he can still manage his teams’ Grand Prix events which will all be wrapped by then - and still lean on Patrice for support - and Christine is understanding enough about his schedule to make it work. As a result they make the most of the weeks when they can fit preparations in together and try to get as many things finished as possible.

“Are we crazy?” he says to Christine one evening as they’re addressing invitations. He’s all but moved into her apartment at this point - she has a bit more room than he does and he’s here more evenings than not, anyway - which now makes the wedding preparation that much easier with both of them in the same place. “I mean, we might be a little bit crazy to be doing this in December, is what I’m saying.”

Christine carries on placing stamps on the already completed envelopes, not breaking her stride in the slightest. “I think you mean ‘definitely are,’ and ‘a lot crazy,’ in fact.”

“Oh, okay. Well as long as we’re admitting it out loud, then.” He runs a hand through his hair, looking around at the piles of invitations, thinking about the sudden and ever-growing list of wedding preparation tasks that appeared on his phone two months ago.

She looks up at him and pauses, considering something. “Well, there’s a possibility we  _ may _ not receive as many Christmas gifts this year. We should probably put that into consideration when we fill out the gift registry.”

Scott looks back at her for a split second before bursting out into laughter. He smacks her on the arm with one hand, running his other over his face and trying to clear his head.

“Chris, if I ever start getting stressed out about this, please keep making me laugh, I’m gonna need it.”

“ _ Start _ getting stressed?”

“Fine, if I get  _ more _ stressed.”

“Listen, buddy, I don’t think you realize how hard it is trying on that many wedding dresses in one afternoon and pretending you like the way you look under those terrible fluorescent lights. You should feel lucky I’m still capable of functioning right now.”

He can’t help but sympathize there. More than once he’s felt overly fortunate that his wardrobe choices boil down to getting a new tux, and making sure his tie coordinates with the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses.

“Oh, and you’re coming to the caterer’s with me tomorrow, and the baker the day after that. We are doing this fifty-fifty, future husband of mine.”

“I’m in. As long as we’re not both deciding how to decorate the church. I couldn’t tell you how to arrange flowers if my life depended on it.”

“You got it. I also know nothing about flowers, but I feel certain my combination of confidence and indifference will carry us through,” Christine says, completely deadpan.

Scott laughs again, this time pausing to wipe under his eyes. “Oh man. I love you, Chris. Did I tell you that today?”

“I think you told me this morning, but a girl can always hear it again.”

“I can do better than that,” he says, pulling the package of stamps out of her hand and tossing it aside on the coffee table. He leans in and kisses her, cupping her chin with one hand.  
  


*

A little less than a month before Scott and Christine’s wedding, Alex asks Tessa what she thinks about him taking all four of them for dinner. They’re having a leisurely Saturday morning breakfast at her place - a cooperative effort between the two of them resulting in poached eggs on spiced flatbread, and a buttery, curried chickpea concoction that is so good Tessa’s almost afraid to ask him for the recipe so she can make it herself.

“Really?” she asks between bites. “I mean, I’m sure they might like an evening out for a break, but fair warning they are probably going to be more than a little scattered at this point.” In the last few weeks she’s fielded multiple text messages and phone calls from both Scott and Christine, and had accompanied a grateful Christine to her dress fitting the previous weekend.

“You’re probably right,” he says, “on both counts. But they’re your friends, and a big part of your life, and I’d like to meet them.”

Tessa thinks about it for just another second and then nods, agreeing. “Okay. I’ll set it up. Sometime this week?”

He nods back. “Yes. I’d like that. And...perhaps I could give them a wedding gift of some kind? If you think that would be appropriate.”

Tessa puts down her fork, smiling gently at him, at how kindly he seems to be fretting about this. She knows Alex won’t be in town for the actual wedding, so he won’t be there to escort her or offer any support on the day. Part of her is strangely fine with that, still not knowing for sure yet where or how far she and Alex are headed. But she does want him to meet her close friends, and she wants him to be a fuller part of her world.

“I think they’d like that,” she says, reaching under the table to touch her hand to his. “I can help you with that if you like.” She feels herself swallowing back a lump in her throat, suddenly very touched.

 

*

They meet on Thursday of the following week. It’s snowed by then, one of the first big snowfalls of the season that makes the winter suddenly feel very real. Alex and Tessa meet Scott and Christine at the restaurant. It’s a more casual bistro style restaurant close to Christine’s apartment, where a reservation had been uncomplicated, and travel time was not significant.

Tessa thinks Scott seems more frazzled than Christine does, interestingly enough. She thinks through what she remembers about his training schedule right now and realizes the NHK Trophy and France are probably well behind him, but the final is still to go. She hopes he’s feeling ready.

Still, he turns his attention warmly to Tessa and Alex, shaking hands firmly.

“Good to meet you,” he tells Alex. “I’ve heard a little about you, it’s nice to get to know you in person.”

“I hope you’ve heard all good things,” Alex jokes. “I wouldn’t want to make Tessa look bad,” he says, and Tessa softens at how well he wants to impress her friends.

They make themselves comfortable at their table, both women on each side of one corner and the men on the opposite. After they complete their round of introductions and order drinks, Tessa can see Scott settling more, and returning to his normal non-frazzled self.

She thinks he’s sizing Alex up a bit, deciding what to question him about. Then she notices Christine’s hand come over to rest on Scott’s knee under the table, giving a small squeeze. A moment later she withdraws it, but then glances over at Tess. She winks back in solidarity, and Tessa smiles.

But the evening passes well. Tessa’s entirely confident in Alex and how they are with each other, so far, enough to let him fend for himself. And Scott warms to him fairly well after several minutes, especially once he discovers Alex also roots for the Leafs.

Their conversation continues more into the Leafs’ current chances for the season and then eventually moves on to Scott’s teams. Alex expresses curiosity about his sponsorship plans and how he prioritizes different funding streams, and soon Scott’s telling him all about the Grand Prix scoring system and what this season means compared to their goals for the Olympic season next year.

By the time they’ve finished eating their meals Scott and Alex have almost completely forgotten she and Christine are there, and so the two women spend much of the time reviewing the wedding plans and how much else still needs to be done. Tessa thinks they’ve actually got most things in hand by now, from the sound of it, and she tells her so. Christine sounds a little anxious, but mostly excited.

At the end of the meal Alex rises to settle the cheque in person, and Scott goes to collect everyone’s coats.

“Oh, I like him,” Christine tells her immediately once they’re on their own. “He’s dreamy like James Bond, only taller and more businessy.”

Tessa laughs out loud. “That’s wonderful. I’ll tell him you said that, he’ll be very pleased.”

“He’s very nice,” she says. “I know that probably sounds not quite good enough, but...he’s really, really nice.”

“He is,” Tessa agrees. “He’s more than nice, actually.”

Christine winks. “I’m glad. I hope he’s good enough for you.”

“So far so good,” she says, chuckling. She’s feeling warm, now, not just from the wine but at the feeling of relief knowing her friends approve of him.

Scott returns with the coats just as Alex finishes with the cheque. They all exchange goodbyes and more well wishes for the wedding. It’s not long before Tessa and Alex are bundled up in a cab again, headed back to her place for the night.

“Well?” He asks with a grin. “Did I pass inspection?”

“With flying colours,” she says, leaning up against him. “I think they’ll let me keep you.”

“Good,” he says. “Because I would like very much for you to keep me,” he adds a moment later, his voice just a few steps above a whisper.

She leans herself in closer to him, then, feeling content and comfortable as he wraps one arm around her, and presses a kiss to her cheek.

  
  


*

December arrives, and with it the final days before Scott and Christine’s wedding. The rehearsal dinner turns out to be about fifteen minutes worth of rehearsal, followed by a move to the restaurant where dinner stretches on into hours’ worth of food and laughter. They’re at a reserved room in a restaurant downtown, where they’ve managed to gather almost three dozen people.

Scott and Christine had decided to extend the invitation to not just the people in the wedding - a list that includes Scott’s two brothers, Patrick, Tessa, Christine’s aunt Sarah and her stepbrother Philip, and her work friend Kyle, among others - but also to their closest friends and extended family. It’s almost a mini wedding reception preview.

It’s towards the end of the evening when the dinner plates have all been cleared away and Scott’s in the process of looking over the dessert menu to make a group order, when Christine suddenly takes her leave. He looks on as Tessa, Patrick, and Kyle all walk away with her off to a corner of the room, all three of them wearing large if mischievous looking grins.

When Christine returns she has a broad smile on her face to match theirs. They all take their places again, saying nothing. Patrick’s back next to Liz, Kyle’s with his partner Leonard, and Tessa’s flying solo. All three of them have knowing expressions on their faces as they return to their seats.

“So?” He says, taking Christine’s hand as she settles herself in the chair next to his. “You going to let me in on the secret or what?”

“Nope,” she says, happily. “You’ll have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Am I going to like it?” he asks. That’s really all he cares about at this point. Well, actually he mostly cares about whether  _ she _ likes whatever’s about to happen. The rest is bonus.

Christine nods quickly. “Yes. I mean, I think so.”

“Alright then, I’ll believe you. But if I don’t like it then I get something in return. Like a say in what you wear on the honeymoon.”

“Oh  _ ho _ ,” she coughs. “Well in that case I’ll remind you that  _ you _ chose a honeymoon in an alpine ski resort at the end of December, and you have a soon-to-be wife who very much enjoys being physically warm.” She reaches for her glass and drains the last of the wine in it.

“Oh man, you’re right, I did do that. What was I thinking, again?” He signals for the waiter, ready for a refill himself.

“You were thinking that you love me, and you want me to be happy.”

“Well, you’ve got me there.” He smiles, leans in to kiss her quickly. He then looks over to the approaching waiter, and orders far too much dessert for everyone.  
  


 

*

As the rehearsal dinner ends Tessa hugs Christine and Sarah goodnight as they head out, back to Christine’s apartment - what she knows is essentially already Christine and Scott’s place, now, until they find a new home of their own. Patrick and Liz depart not long after that, and Tessa exchanges a wink with him about the surprise they have planned. She hugs Liz and congratulates them again on their own upcoming wedding which, mercifully, they’ve finally scheduled for next June out in Vancouver.

She’s on her way to grab her coat when she finds Scott in the lobby, fresh from waving Patrice and Marie-France into a cab. He looks relaxed and happy, the way she recognizes from so many years of watching him be energized by the people he cares about. It’s been a full evening - full few months, really - and tomorrow will be more of the same.

“Hey,” she says gently, kissing him on the cheek. He does the same, resting one hand at her side like he has so many times before. “You feeling ready for tomorrow?”

He runs his hand through his hair then, shaking his head a little as he laughs. He lets his hands rest in his pockets. “As ready as I’ll ever be. I don’t suppose you’ll let me in on whatever it is you and Patrick have up your sleeves, will you? Christine’s lips are totally sealed.”

She grins broadly, before wrapping her scarf around her neck. “Nope. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow, just like everybody else.”

“I can see that being the groom gives me no status around here whatsoever,” he says in mock defeat.

“Nope,” she repeats. “It’s all about the bride, better to figure that out late than never at all.”

They laugh together for a moment, before a silent pause takes over.

“I’m so happy for you, Scott,” she says then. “Really, I...I’m happy for you, and I’m proud of you, and I hope you get everything you want.”

Her last few words come out a little more quietly, as she struggles against the knot that’s suddenly formed in her throat. She wipes quickly at one of her eyes and inwardly admonishes herself. She means the words she’s saying, truly, she doesn’t want it to seem like there are any other motives underneath them.

Thankfully he saves her by pulling her into a hug. He holds her tightly, not far off from the steadying hugs they would do before skating, all those times together. She lets her breath out slowly, feeling herself calm just as quickly as she’d started to unravel.

“Thanks, T. I know you’ve said it before, but it still means a lot to hear that,” he says just as quietly into her shoulder.

“I love you,” she tells him for what must be about the millionth time in their lives. “I’m always here for you, I’ll always be your best friend as long as you want me to be.” She hates the tears that are gathering at the corner of her eyes just now as she says this, hates how final the words sound. Because she stands by them with her whole heart, she truly does. She does want him to be happy, she wants him to have everything he deserves in life. This isn’t a goodbye.

He’s nodding against her shoulder. “Same, T, always. I’m always going to be your friend. If we weren’t friends…” she hears and feels him falter, holding her even tighter. “I could never have a life without you still in it. Okay?”

She nods too, quickly and insistently. “Yes. Always.”

After a moment longer they separate, gentle, if slightly watery smiles looking back at one another.

“Here,” he says, reaching to help her into her coat. She lets him take it and hold it out for her, and she turns her back to him, slipping her arms into the sleeves. He pulls it around her and presses his hands to her shoulders, ever so briefly, just for good measure.

She turns again to look at him, fully bundled up now, clutching her purse to herself. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says.

“I’ll be there,” he answers.

Tessa leans forward and kisses him on the cheek once more as he does the same, and then she turns to walk away.

  
  


*

It’s the next day as they’re all assembled at the church, getting ready for the ceremony, when Scott finds out what the little side plot was all about. Christine’s off on her own in a different room, presumably being attended to by Sarah and Tessa. He gets his first clue of what’s really going on when Patrick and Kyle turn up, not dressed in the same black suits and ties that all of his other groomsmen are wearing.

Instead they’re sporting pale grey suits with matching dress shirts, and ties in a burnt orange colour that match the roses on their boutonnieres - which Scott remembers Christine chose the colour of to match her bridesmaids’ dresses.

“So, guys, I’m loving the look, but, uh, what the hell?” Scott asks slightly confused, wondering about whether this is even allowed to change up outfits at the last minute. And how he’s going to try explaining it to Chris, and how much time they even have left to fix this before the ceremony starts.  

Patrick reaches out one hand to rest on Scott’s shoulder. “Man, I have some bad news. We’re changing sides on you.”

“What?” Scott asks, confused.

“My good sir,” Kyle steps in, “we have been part of an ulterior plot this entire time. We took one look at the groomsmen side of things and decided the imbalance needed to be corrected.” He looks down at Scott with a severe but wry look. It’s true, counting Charlotte there are only 3 attendants on Christine’s side, whereas Scott has his two brothers, plus Kyle and Patrick, and Christine’s stepbrother Robert. Christine had insisted she didn’t mind and there had been so many other things to plan for that Scott hadn’t pressed it at the time.

“We’re jumping ship, bro, changing sides. We are officially brides-men, now. Christine’s side of the aisle needed more people ,” Patrick says.

“And while your delightful niece Charlotte is a formidable young lady,” Kyle adds, “we feel the bride’s side needs some extra reinforcements.”

“Also, we like Christine better than you,” Patrick adds.

“Yes, that too,” Kyle agrees, nodding enthusiastically. “We definitely like her better than you.”

Scott’s grinning from ear to ear. All three of his brothers have joined around them, now, clapping hands on shoulders and nodding appreciatively at Patrick and Kyle’s new kits.

“Okay, yes, go,” Scott says, starting to shake hands with them before hugging them one at a time instead. He knows why they’re doing this and he loves them so much for it. “Thank you for this. I’ll see you guys at the front of the church.” Patrick hugs him tightly, slapping his shoulder once and then twice for good measure.

“You’d better. Or else we’re having the party afterwards anyway.”

He nods, laughing at the same time as being on the verge of swallowing back tears. “Count on it.”

  
  


*

Less than an hour later he’s standing at the front of a church filled with all of his friends and family and more besides. His parents and cousins are grinning at him from the front row. His mother starts dabbing at her eyes already, before fixing the corsage on his father’s lapel.

The music starts up, then, and the minister pats a hand on Scott’s shoulder and offers him a kind smile. Scott turns to look to the back of the church, feeling suddenly very ready to be joined by everyone else who should be here next to him. He watches, then, as his niece walks the aisle first, happily sprinkling rose petals as she goes. She’s followed by his brother Charlie, who nobly escorts Patrick and Kyle at each elbow, as amused laughter ripples softly through the crowd. Tessa follows next on Robert’s arm, then Sarah with Danny. Tessa kisses Scott’s cheek before she takes her place on Christine’s side, and Sarah does the same.

And then the music changes again and all he sees is Christine, walking towards him with such happiness in her expression, and a smile he knows is only for him. And that’s all he needs.

 

*

Tessa spends the first couple of months of the new year alternating between being consumed by her studies and keeping up with her sponsorship engagements and plans for future projects. While she’s content to continue with the same partners who have always been so good to her, she’s looking for something more. And she takes Alex’s comments to heart, when he encourages her to think beyond her goals for the program.

So by February she finds herself taking a fresh round of meetings with her Adidas team, planning out not just a new line of customized apparel but one that will actually carry her name on the label. The final products will need several months of attention for concept sketching and final development, but she arrives at her winter break week with a brand new business plan for much of the rest of the year. She makes sure to allow room at peak study times, and works out a communications strategy with her team manager that will allow her a healthy amount of oversight without needing to micromanage.

She returns to Montreal filled with her new plans, eager to tell them all to Alex - even though he’s already gotten the gist from her messages.

“So pretty soon it’ll be ‘Tessa Virtue for  _ The Bay _ ’?” he asks. They’re sitting half entwined on her couch, having finished dinner and now well into their second hour of conversation.

Tessa nods. “At least, that’s the hope. It’ll be an Adidas label, but launching only in Bay stores.  _ If _ it’s approved,” she adds.

“Babe, that’s amazing, of course they’ll approve it.”

She’s smiling, nervous but filled with anticipation about all of it. “I really thought I would just use it as a test project later this year, I hadn’t actually thought they’d go for it for real.”

Alex tilts his head with a wry expression. “I’ve only known you for a few months and even  _ I _ know they’d have to be foolish not to go for it. You’re a recognizable name with a solid market presence, and people like you.”

“Well, but you might just be saying that because  _ you _ like me,” she says, leaning in closer to him.  

“Of course I like you,” he answers warmly, “because I am definitely not a fool.” And then he closes the remaining distance between them and kisses her soundly.

  
  


*

In March, three things happen that change Scott’s life.

The first is that he and Christine officially buy their house - a century home in Pointe Claire that’s large enough for their future plans, and just accessible enough that Scott still feels confident they’ll be able to send their children to college.

Once they’d decided on a wedding date they’d decided there was no harm in starting their house hunting, given the market and not knowing how long it would take. During the month of February several options had suddenly presented themselves, and they decided to move on one that ended up falling through. When one comes up at the beginning of the month, on a week when Scott was still in town before leaving for Worlds, they take one look at the expansive backyard, updated kitchen and multiple bedrooms, and put in an offer on the spot.

This time their offer goes through. They discover they’ll be able to officially close the deal within a couple of weeks, and move in by May.

They open a bottle of bubbly to mark the occasion, excitedly looking over the photos again and remembering the parts they liked the most when they toured the house in person. There are a few spots with room for improvement - they’d like to finish the basement into a proper rec room, and knock down a wall in the first floor to make the living room and dining room more open concept - but on the whole they know they got very lucky, very quickly.

Scott lingers, looking at the photos for the extra bedrooms, wonders how long it will be before they’re all occupied. Both he and Christine have known for a while they don’t want to wait very long before starting a family, and they know they’re both healthy and ready. But he’s also aware these things can take on a kind of pace of their own making. He’s heard his friends and brothers and their wives talk about their children, how some had come as very much planned and long-awaited arrivals, and others sudden but welcome surprises.

Next to him, Christine tucks her feet under her as she leans her head on his shoulder, admiring the photos right alongside him. She shifts her glass to one hand and takes his in the other, and he knows she’s letting him know she’s thinking about the same things.

 

*

 

The second thing that happens is that he takes his team to the Worlds for their second year at the senior level, and they place fifth. Scott’s thrilled beyond measure, and a little bit stunned.

They’d been aiming for seventh, based on the balance of their Grand Prix assignments from the season, and were mentally prepared for a result slightly higher or lower than that. In the end, two of the teams that could (and perhaps should) have finished ahead of them delivered routines with flawed step sequences that worked against them, and Mary and Sebastian also skated two career-best performances that easily brought the Stockholm crowd to their feet.

Mary and Seb have spent the entire season training to the edge of their limits, so much so that at times Scott worried about needing to hold them back a little, had been working on them with Patrice to get them to find balance in their training every week. They’d taken his advice to a certain extent, but seemed to have translated it into an even more focussed process, honing in on the communication between the two of them and addressing any problems right on the spot in order to move on.

Even more thrilling is that he’s able to share the ‘win’ with Christine, who was able to travel with him thanks to her spring break week matching up with the week of Worlds. She’s excited to be there to support him, and he knows she’s learned and absorbed so much about this world of his in the last year and a half. He loves her even more for it, being able to see her face in the stands next to Mary’s parents and Seb’s mother.

His team reminds him, quite often, of how he and Tessa were in some of their most intense years of competitive skating - they have the same drive, the same unbreakable team-mate mentality. But where he and Tessa had had to learn very early how to shake off doubts and criticism from their peers, Mary and Seb seem to already have figured that out years ago. In his relatively short time coaching them he can already tell they skate like a force to be reckoned with - because they know they are.

Scott, Christine, Patrice and Marie-France take them and their families to dinner to celebrate, and it’s a happy affair all around.

Not long after dinner he calls Tessa, and tells her about how flawless the skate was, how much this could open up for them next year at the Olympics if their training goes well. She listens to him attentively and laughs at the eagerness in his voice, knows she can hear the number of plans and questions turning through his head right now. She reassures him she’ll make time to meet with him and his team once her semester finishes for the summer, if they need another sounding board for choreography plans for next year.  

That night he sleeps soundly with Christine next to him, suddenly seeing the next few years of his career expanding out in front of him, filled with plans for the future.

  
  


*

 

The third thing happens at the end of March, not long after Scott and Christine return from Stockholm. 

It takes Christine a lot longer than she’d thought to shake the jet lag from an extended amount of travel across multiple time zones. It’s nothing either of them are very worried until more than a week has gone by and she still seems sluggish and tired most of the day. Then after she wakes up feeling sick to her stomach several mornings in a row, it finally occurs to both of them that this isn’t jet lag at all.

That Saturday morning Scott heads to the drugstore and returns with three pregnancy tests.

Not long after that they’re waiting together in her apartment bathroom, perched nervously on the edge of the tub.

“So, scale of one to ten, how nervous are you?” Christine asks while they wait. Just about two minutes have passed so far, and he’s gripping one of her hands in both of his, trying to keep from fidgeting.

“I’d say about a twelve?” he breathes out, only partly joking.

She coughs out an almost-laugh. “I think I’m a fourteen.”

When they’d looked over the new house just a few weeks ago -  _ God was that only a few weeks ago?   _ he thinks to himself, incredulous - he’d had no expectation their future hopes might become reality so quickly. They haven’t even seen the test results yet but already he’s imagining not just moving vans but new furniture and a host of new preparations. Cribs, toys, baby-proofing the kitchen... Everything runs through his head at once.

He feels Christine squeeze his hand back before she stands up. It should be about time now to check the tests - she’d done all three of them at once, wanting no room for doubt.

He stands up with her. She takes a deep breath, hesitating only briefly before picking up the first one and looking down at the results screen.

“Oh!” she exclaims, bringing one hand over her mouth. She immediately bursts into tears.

Scott’s there right next to her then, looking at the test in her hand and reading the unmistakable ‘plus’ sign gleaming back at them in dark, dark blue pigment.

“Oh wow, Chris,” he says, wrapping his arms around her and letting the emotion wash over him. “This is so amazing, oh my God,” he says breathlessly, squeezing her tightly. He can feel her nodding against his shoulder and then pulls back, needing to see her face. “This is good, right? I mean...isn’t it?” He searches her face, trying to make sure she feels the same as he does.

She’s nodding back again, immediately. “ _ Yes _ , oh my God,” she wipes at her face with her free hand, her tears eventually giving way to a broad smile. “I can’t believe it. I’m nervous and so happy and I can’t believe it.”

He takes the test from her hand, holding it to look at it again, as if he could possibly have mistaken the results before. Then it occurs to him there’s still the two other tests. He flips them both over immediately, and sees two more  _ ‘yes’  _ results staring back at them. Next to him Christine bursts out laughing, almost uncontrollably.

He starts laughing, then, too, incredulous.

“I guess we haven’t done anything else slowly,” she says after a moment, her voice sounding wobbly but happy. “Why would this be any different, right?”

Scott looks back at her, smiling gently as a sudden calmness settles over him. He leans in and kisses her, so, so softly. He can taste the saltiness still lingering on her cheeks and mouth, as his lips meet hers.

Christine releases him from the kiss and brings her arms around his waist, wrapping herself around him as her head tucks beneath his chin. He brings his arms around her shoulders and holds her so tightly, like he’s never letting go.

 

*

By the time Tessa’s close to coming up for air at the end of her semester it’s the middle of April, and she’s nearly forgotten what the rest of the world looks like outside of school work, social media planning, and seeing Alex when she can. She’s grateful she managed to get Jordan’s baby shower off the ground in March, because now her sister’s baby is due in only a couple of weeks and the idea of putting together a celebration so quickly now would be almost the last straw.

Tonight finds her and Melissa at Tessa’s place, reviewing their group project submission one final time, painstakingly double-checking numbers, market analyses, research summaries, and everything else they’ve managed to put together. There’s actually three of them in the group - herself, Melissa and Ava, but Ava had all but checked out on it the last few days and so Tessa and Melissa had just buckled down and gotten it done.

“Any plans for the summer?” Tessa asks. “I mean, as short as it is. I guess we’ll be back for the next round soon enough in July.”

Melissa nods in understanding. “Not much yet, although my mother has been on me to come with her on her next trip back to see my grandmother. I didn’t go in December and now the guilt trip is going to be huge if I pass twice in a row.”

“It’s Beijing, right?” Tessa asks. She remembers Melissa telling her about where her mother had grown up, a while back. Mostly their conversations tend to revolve around coursework, boyfriends or girlfriends, and the current best place to find coffee in close proximity to campus.

“Yep. Well, just outside it, really. But it’s just so huge and sprawled now, it’s sort of all one big crazy urban blob.”

Tessa sighs thoughtfully. “Sounds amazing. Part of me’s still hoping to go next year, if I can make it work with the schedule for our final projects. That is if the CBC Olympic team will still want me.”

“ _ Yes _ , you have to go,” Melissa immediately affirms. “And I’ll come with you, and you can get me in and introduce me to all the prettiest guys. Or girls. You know I’m extremely open either way.”

Tessa laughs. “I know. I’ll see what I can do. I may not be as up on who’s single and who’s not these days, but give me some time and I’ll find out.”

“That’s really all I ask of my friends. If it helps, I was very much into fencing back in the day.”

“Admittedly that doesn’t help me very much with finding a winter athlete for you, but I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Thank you, you are a true friend. And true group work partner, I’m never inviting Ava to anything else ever again. So are we good?” Melissa asks then, looking back at the open laptop in front of her. “I think if I try to proofread this any more I’m going to start hating myself.”

“I think we’re good. Let’s call it a night. I’ll give it one last pass tomorrow and then send it in.”

“Amazing. Thank you, I think I’m going to spend the weekend sleeping as many hours as possible.”

“I hear you. I’m due to meet Scott for practice tomorrow morning and I’ve missed so many lately I just can’t skip this one. But then I’ll proof-read and submit for us. And  _ then _ all the sleeping.”

They pack up their laptops and papers, very ready to call it a day. She hugs Melissa goodnight and promises to follow up tomorrow.

Not long after that she gets into her pyjamas, tells herself she’ll can wait until tomorrow to catch up on all the notifications waiting on her phone, and then falls into bed. She’s asleep within a few minutes of hitting the pillow.

 

*

Practice goes well the next morning, despite Tessa having been all but missing in action the last month or so. They’re just toying around a bit with a few familiar step sequences, seeing what lifts they can still handle. Sometimes Scott uses their practice times to try out some ideas he’s thinking through for his own teams, and she likes the feeling of being involved in his work that way - this practice has been a little like that. He’s somewhere in the middle now between the post-Worlds euphoria and the summer transition time, thinking through what to work on next.

Still, she can tell his mind isn’t with her, all the way. “Married life treating you well, Scott?” she teases him, as they step off the ice and reach for their gear.

“Is it that obvious?” He grins. “Yeah, things are good.”

“It sure seems like it. I’m glad things are good, must be nice to be almost settled in to the new place.”

“Oh, the house is spectacular. You’ll have to come by once we’re all the way moved in, we should be able to have it mostly set up in a few weeks. Thank God for movers.”

“You can count on it. We’ll do a proper housewarming.” Tessa pauses to slide on her skate guards and takes a swig from her water bottle, falling into step next to him as they walk towards the exit. It’s off to campus for her, prep for the day’s schedule of coaching tasks for him.

“Coffee on Friday?” Scott confirms. She’s trying to re-start more of the social habits she’d dropped as her studies had picked up over the winter, and their Friday morning coffee meetups had sadly been one of those casualties.

“Of course. Bright and early as usual,” she says ruefully.

“Hey, seven in the morning still beats training wake-up calls. I’m still not sure how we managed all that.”

She chuckles. “It was only a couple of years ago but still feels like a different lifetime already.”

“You’re telling me,” he breathes out. He fidgets briefly with the gold band on his finger, before pulling out his phone to glance at a few new texts.

Tessa nudges him with her elbow as they near the locker rooms. “Hey. You’ll tell me if there’s anything else up, right?” she probes, a slight inkling about his mood starting to form in her mind.

He smiles bashfully and tucks his phone back in his bag. “You know I will, kiddo.” He kisses her cheek and squeezes her hand, and they part ways.

 

* 

It’s on a Saturday in early May when Scott and Christine invite her and Christine’s aunt Sarah over for brunch, saying they want to give them a tour of the new house before their official housewarming party happens. That morning Tessa pulls up in their driveway just moments before Sarah does, and the two greet each other on the front walk.

“Good to see you, Tessa,” Sarah says, embracing her briefly. Tessa likes Sarah, and enjoyed the chance to get to know her a little better at Scott and Christine’s wedding reception. She likes her sense of humour and her practicality. If she had to guess she’d place her about a decade or so older than herself and Scott.

“Likewise. So, what do you make of this pre-housewarming housewarming invitation?”

“Well, I have the feeling it’s a little more than that,” she says knowingly.

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Tessa offers.

“We will indeed,” Sarah winks.

Scott and Christine greet them together and they gather in the kitchen, beginning the informal tour with their meal. Scott offers them coffee. Tessa notes that Christine sticks with her cup of tea, and she and Sarah exchange smiles.

Once Scott’s served the food they all sit together and start in on their meal, making light conversation. Tessa asks Christine how her classes and after-school teams are doing, which turns out to be just great with the exception of a little student drama over the annual Grade 7 spring trip. Sarah asks Scott about his teams’ plans for next year, and he launches into a report on what they’re hoping to accomplish for their Olympic team debut, though he’s knows both Christine and Tessa have heard many of these details already.

By the time he finishes talking about the program ideas he’s toying around with - hopefully with Tessa’s help later in the summer, he and Christine’s hands have joined together between them, under the table. He looks back at his wife as if asking a silent question and she smiles back at him.

“So, we actually had something to tell you guys about today, which is why we asked you over,” Christine says.

“Well, that and I finally got to try out the new pancake griddle from the wedding gifts,” Scott adds with a wink.

“Oh, well no worries there,” Sarah says with grin, taking another bite from her plate for emphasis. “If you need more taste testers you just let me know. And I like chocolate chips and blueberries, in case that’s helpful information.”

“We will for sure have you over anytime, Auntie, you can count on it,” Christine assures her.

“So anyway,” Scott continues. “We have some news, and, well…” he pauses, before he and Christine announce at the same time- “We’re pregnant!”

Tessa could tell it was coming, but hearing it confirmed out loud is still a joyful thing. Both Christine and Scott have the biggest smiles on their faces. Tessa and Sarah move as one, each standing ready with a hug.

“Oh, congratulations!” Tessa hugs Christine tightly, truly glad for them. “I know you both want this so much,” she says. When she reaches to embrace Scott it’s with an accusing look on her face. “I  _ knew _ you were distracted about something lately. Even Olympic strategizing wouldn’t compare to this, for you,” she tells him.

“You’re pretty right about that. Just don’t tell my teams, okay? I’ve worked hard to make them think I’m completely devoted to them.”

It’s then that Christine jumps in again. “That’s not everything, though, believe it or not, we have more.” She grips Scott’s hand in hers once more and they stand facing Tessa and Sarah. “We’d like to ask both of you to be godparents - godmothers, I guess. You’re both so important to us…” she stops for a moment and swallows, on the verge of choking up.

Tessa’s hit then with an overwhelming wave of love and empathy, for both of them. She doesn’t need to be reminded how important this moment is for Scott, certainly. She feels suddenly humbled, grateful that they both feel so strongly about how much she belongs here as part of their growing little family unit.

“You’re both so important to us, and we want you to always be a part of our family, and for our babies to know you’re part of our family too, right from when they’re born-”

“Wait...babies?” Sarah interrupts just then. “Did you say babies, plural?”

Christine just laughs, then, happy tears spilling over her cheeks. “Yes, plural. More than one.”

“We’re having twins,” Scott confirms. “That part we just found out this week,” he glances pointedly at Tessa, as if in triumph over having known something she hadn’t guessed yet.

“Oh my gosh,” Tessa exclaims. “Twins?” She reaches for both of them, then, pulling them into a group hug that Sarah swiftly joins in on.

“My due date is technically mid-November, but they say with twins it could easily be a month or more before that, so we’ll see,” Christine says as they separate a moment later.

“Hopefully that means I’ll have at least a month to adjust to no sleep before competitions really ramp up,” Scott adds.

Sarah pipes up, holding onto Christine by the shoulders. “You tell me what I can do to help, okay? Any time, just ask.”

“I will, Auntie, I promise.”

“Me too,” Tessa says. “I know I’ve been a little MIA lately but I promise I can find some time to help paint a room or throw you a shower. I’m getting good at those, lately,” she says, thinking about Jordan and how she must be a week overdue by now.

“We will,” Christine nods.

They all exchange another round of hugs and congratulations, relaxed smiles on everyone’s faces now.

“Now we can show you the rest of the house,” Scott says excitedly, and they start in on the rest of the tour.

  
  


*

By the time she makes it back to her place later that afternoon Tessa feels many things settling on her at once - the happiness of Scott and Christine’s news, the satisfaction still lingering of having completed her semester and being on the cusp of starting the next year. She’s been on the verge of making more plans, too, still always looking ahead, dreaming further.  

Tessa gives herself one brief moment, a second or two to let herself contemplate the ‘what ifs’ - what if she were the one in Christine’s shoes, now; what if she and Scott had made a different choice a couple of years ago and tried to make both of their dreams work at the same time. Letting herself think about that other possible reality stretches her mind and her heart in a way she doesn’t usually allow herself.

A heaviness settles on her when she does think about it. Very quickly she realizes that to genuinely contemplate any of those alternatives would would mean having to re-think everything she’s accomplished in that same time, the other relationships she’s built and the choices she’s made. And the idea of questioning everything Scott and Christine have made for themselves makes her heartsick in a way she hasn’t felt in a long, long time. She loves Scott too much as a friend - loves them both, now, really - to do that to him.

So Tessa puts all of that away. She lets it go and remembers how hard it was for her and Scott to part ways in the way they had, but how much they’d wanted to preserve between each other in the process. She wants him to have everything he deserves, and knows he would say the same to her.

She wishes suddenly that Alex was there, now, wishes his trip had ended the day before when it had originally supposed to.

Tessa sits down to check her phone again. She’s amazed and thrilled that the first thing she sees is a message from Jordan in Toronto telling her she’s started labour and is on her way to the hospital. She sits up straight in her seat, exclaiming out loud in her otherwise empty apartment. Suddenly she’s thrilled about so many things, wired enough to want someone to share all of them with.

And then, as if right on cue, a key turns in the lock in the front door to her apartment and Alex walks through, his suitcase in one hand and a bunch of flowers in the other.

She stands, confused and surprised. “Alex! What...I thought your trip didn’t finish until tomorrow.”

He comes towards her, handing over the flowers to her while unceremoniously dropping his suitcase. “I decided to cut it short after all.”

Tessa puts the flowers on the kitchen counter and throws her arms around him instead. “Oh, I’m so glad.” He brings his arms around her and holds tightly, lifting her slightly so her feet aren’t touching the floor anymore.

A moment later he sets her down. “They really didn’t need me for the last couple of days this time, and…” he pauses, shrugging a little. “I missed you more.”

She can’t help the grin on her face, now. She pulls him into the apartment, making a beeline for the sofa. “I’m so glad you’re here. I have so much to tell you!”

 

*

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babies! Olympics! New projects! And life moving forward in general.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to take a bit of a break there, and if you’ve been keen to read more I’m so sorry for letting you wait for the next chapter - the upside is that I think you will have the next four chapters a little more rapidly than the first four. These next few chapters are going to get us to the midpoint and will shift a few things around. 
> 
> I also want to reiterate that this fic is definitely not a short one, and does involve some time with Tessa and Scott in relationships with other people. If these are things you’re not keen on, or if you’ve gotten this far and there are aspects of this fic that you’re genuinely struggling to enjoy, then this may simply not be the story for you right now. 
> 
> But if this is the story for you right now, I’m glad to have you along! I hope you enjoy this next installment.
> 
> Also: Back when I started writing this, Calgary 2026 was still looking like a legit possibility, so hey, we're still rolling with it in this story!
> 
> Also #2: Thank you once again to my beta-readers iwantthemtostay and peacefulboo who are above and beyond.

 

It’s the early hours of Saturday morning, and Scott’s so tired but so, so happy. He knows he should be sleeping but he just can’t, he’s too amazed and wired to do anything else but stand where he is, hovering by his children’s bassinets. Just a few hours old and his two new sons are all already all he can think about. His boys are sleeping, now bundled up in white and blue blankets with little caps on their heads. Scott reaches out to touch their little hands and admire their little features. He can’t decide yet who they look more like, but thinks they might have gotten Christine’s nose- something he admits he doesn’t mind.

Only twenty-four hours ago his world belonged to him and Christine together, accompanied only by new possibility and waiting. Then yesterday afternoon Chris had come home early - it was her last day before her maternity leave started, anyway - complaining her back was worse than usual and she’d been feeling strange all day. A few hours after that her water broke and that was that, they were off to the hospital. The babies had come into the world in the wee hours of the morning, two boys one after the other just as they’d expected.

They’d come more than a month early which was late enough for a pair of twins, they’d been told. At just under six pounds each, and a healthy set of lungs on both of them, everything looked good from the start. At first Christine had been mostly relieved that they were both healthy, and cried happy tears when she heard both loud wails join together in the room only minutes apart. Then as soon as she’d gotten the chance to hold them both at the same time, right against her bare skin, Scott’s happy relief gave way to his own tears of joy.

Eventually Christine had given in to much needed sleep, once the babies had been well examined and bundled up and placed in their own little cribs. Scott can only imagine how spare their sleep will be over the next few weeks and months, so right now he’s glad to let her get what she can. And before too long, he will get to drive his suddenly-now-family-of-four home - to where two brand new cribs wait ready in a freshly painted room, only missing the house’s newest little occupants to make their home complete.

“Hey, Dad,” he hears a soft voice nearby. He turns and sees Tessa standing in the doorway, with a big smile on her face.

Scott smiles back at her, moving quickly and quietly to receive her in a hug as she opens her arms to him and holds on tightly. “Hey back,” he says, half-muffled by her shoulder. He lets the hug continue, feeling so happy and so very glad to share it with someone else.

After a moment they part, Tessa still smiling back at him so broadly. “I got your message last night,” she says, whispering. “Bumped my flight up so I could get back as early as I could.”

She’s been in Toronto the last couple of days with her fashion team, he remembers. Her new clothing line just launched and she was making the rounds for publicity. He’d texted her last night once it was clear he and Christine were headed to the hospital and then again once the babies had arrived - Tessa and several other family members and friends. After a little while he’d started to lose track of the responses and had decided to put his phone away just enjoy the silence for a little while, him and his new boys.

“Yeah, once things got started it all happened pretty fast,” he says, whispering too. “Christine was such a trooper, though, I can’t believe it.”

“She’s doing okay?” Tessa asks, her smile drifting a little as she waits for his answer, genuinely making sure. She glances over to the other side of the room where the curtain is drawn around the bed. Last time Scott had checked on her he’d been glad to discover Christine sound asleep.

Scott nods. “She’s good. Tired, sore. She’s resting now, but you can talk to her in a little bit, i think.”

Tessa nods back. “I’d like that. I’m glad everyone’s okay. Her and the babies.”

At that, Scott turns his excited gaze back to the bassinets.

“So? What are their names?” she asks, nudging him with her elbow and following his gaze.

He brings her over to where the babies are sleeping. “That one on the left is Max,” he says softly, “and that’s Aidan. Max was first, then Aidan seven minutes later.”

“Max and Aidan,” she says, excited. “Oh, those are such great names, Scott.”

“Max was Christine’s dad,” Scott explains. “And Aidan, well...we just both really liked that name.”

“Max and Aidan,” Tessa repeats. She leans close to Scott for a brief moment, leaning in to see both of them a little better. Then she pauses and looks up at him. “How does it feel?” she asks. “You’re a dad now, of _two_ ,” she emphasizes, as though he could possibly have forgotten.

He breathes out a laugh, rubbing one hand over his eyes. “It’s amazing. I mean, I’m also sort of terrified,” he admits, looking back at the babies. Max lets out a little yawn just then, one of his little hands stretching out from his blanket, and Scott reaches out to let him grasp his finger. Aidan is still fast asleep. “But I can’t wait to take them home,” Scott says with no trouble at all, smiling just thinking about it.

“I’m glad,” Tessa answers with a nod. “That’s how it should be.”

They stand quietly then and just watch Max and Aidan for a few moments. Scott finds himself memorizing what they look like, watching every little breath and movement. He almost forgets that Tessa’s there next to him until she nudges him with her elbow.

“Hey, I thought I would go find some coffee,” she says, “what can I bring you?”

“Coffee sounds good,” he answers, very grateful.

“Okay,” she nods. “And maybe something to eat? I’ll be right back.” She gives his elbow a squeeze, and walks off again.

Scott pulls his chair forward so he can sit closer, next to the babies. He stays there for several minutes, watching his sons sleep and hoping for so, so many things.

 

*

In those first couple of months Scott also leans entirely on Patrice to take on any of his normal coaching commitments while he spends time getting to know his new family. He’d felt divided at first, taking time off so early in the season, but once he has his sons in his arms he doesn’t regret it in the slightest. Scott also counts himself very lucky they’d managed to finish the house renovations before the babies’ arrival - just a few weeks before, in fact. He’d spent any spare time he had in those last few weeks weeks getting the babies’ bedroom ready, unpacking the lingering boxes that still hadn’t been unpacked since the moves, and generally trying to make the house ready.

He and Christine spend the first few weeks of parenthood in a blur of elation and joy mixed with fatigue and stress. They both want so badly to do this well. It’s clear to them that that juggling two babies at once is definitely easier with two parents, and the newborns turn out to be pretty easy going as long as their basic needs are being met.

Still, it takes a lot more energy than they first realized - figuring out what their different cries mean, how often they need to be fed and when they mostly just need comfort and someone to hold them. At first Christine wants to keep up breastfeeding but eventually, reluctantly, switches to bottles once she starts feeling overwhelmed with two babies to handle at once. Scott’s almost eager to be able to take an equal part to help feed them. It gets easier for her once she sees how much he enjoys doing it - and that it means he’s able to help her for middle of the night feedings when they’re both awake at the same time.

Eventually the new parents start to figure out their routine - spelling each other off for feeding and changing, making sure they’re each getting some sleep and getting out of the house occasionally. Despite the fatigue and the feeling like they’re just keeping up, Scott knows he will eventually look back on those first couple of months with a lot of nostalgia and affection. He loves being a father, and he loves watching Christine be a mother. He loves seeing how she holds them, how she talks to them, how she thinks back to how they felt when they were inside her compared to now.

“This one, he’s going to be our hockey player, I think,” she says one afternoon, holding Max in her arms. She’s just finished feeding him and he’s calm and happy, and half-sleepy, but still waving his little arms and legs a little bit.

“What makes you say that?” He looks down at Aidan who has likewise gotten to the end of his bottle but is completely conked out in Scott’s arms, asleep and totally slack.

“He still never stops moving,” Christine says about Max, amazed.

He remembers in the last month of her pregnancy especially, she would always feel more movement from one of them, enough that they’d asked about it at their doctor’s appointments to make sure everything was okay with them both. But they’d always been reassured everything was normal, and now that the babies were here in their arms they had already started to see the ways they were different from each other.

“Maybe he’ll be a skater,” Scott says, a little hopeful. “Or a soccer player. Ooh, or a dancer.”

Christine chuckles, rubbing her hand gently across Max’s stomach to help him settle. “He’s going to be something, that’s for sure.”

“What about you, little guy, hm?” Scott looks down at Aidan. “Any dancing in your future?” He watches the boy sleep, still never bored of looking at either of his sons. “Maybe you’ll be the academic,” he says, “just like your mom.”

“ _Ha_ ,” she snorts. “I hardly think teaching Grade 7 social studies counts as being an academic.”

“Hey, you’re looking at a guy who barely finished high school. You went as far as your Master’s, you’re basically a genius.” Scott looks back at Aidan, who reaches out a hand in his sleep. He slips one finger in his hand and the baby grasps it, little fingers holding on tightly. “See? Your son agrees with me here.”

“Well, fine then,” she says, “that’s hard to argue with.” She looks over at him and smiles.

“I’m going to go put this one down,” he says. “I’ll take over with Max if you want to go get a nap, too.”

Christine lets out a grateful sigh. “I would love that. If you’re sure?”

“Totally. I might try him in his little rocker chair with me in the kitchen, see if I can put something together for a casserole later.” He stands with Aidan in his arms.

“I get both a nap and dinner? I definitely married the right man.”

“I’m the full package, baby. I might even make a casserole _and_ some salad.”

“Stop it, now you’ve gone too far.”

“Not yet I haven’t,” he says. He leans over to kiss her on the lips. “Be right back.”

“I’ll be here,” she answers, still rocking Max gently.

Scott heads upstairs to put Aidan in his crib. He’s tired, too, but so, so happy.

 

*

It takes a lot of advance planning, and conversation with her academic supervisor, but Tessa makes it work to join the CBC commentary team at the Olympics in Beijing. She’s thrilled, not just because she gets to be back at an Olympic Games, but because she gets to see Scott’s team’s Olympic debut. She knows he’s been working hard to get them ready and if they make it any higher than fifth, it’ll be a win.

The opening ceremonies are a real gift to watch. It’s her first time being at a Games and watching it all happen from the sidelines as opposed to being in the thick of the action. She watches from her place in the stands, bundled up warm in one of this year’s signature Roots jackets and enormous mitts and hat to match.

By the time Team Canada starts to enter the stadium, led by Mikael Kingsbury carrying the flag, the watching crowd’s loud cheering reaches a new high. Tessa’s jumping and cheering, herself, spying the figure skaters amongst them. She sees Scott sandwiched between a few of the skaters on one side and Patrice and Marie-France. He looks so excited, and distinguished. She just stands calmly for a moment, watching them pass by and feeling so very proud of everything he’s done in the last four years.

In those same days Tessa’s already joined Kurt in the CBC sound booth, eagerly accompanying him for commentating duty on all four individual events as well as the team event that’s underway before the torch has even been lit. It’s fantastic. The team event turns out to be her favourite one to watch and speak about - after the ice dancing, of course. With so much relatively new talent amongst them, the Canadian team has chosen to divide several of the programs across as many skaters as they can, with only the men’s and women’s sets of programs taken on by the same individuals. The Canadian team makes out with a silver for the team event and celebrate like it’s gold.

“What’s it like for you being on this side of things again?” Kurt asks Tessa as they wait in between skating groups during the rhythm dance event.

“It’s different,” she says. “But really, really cool. There are so many great skaters right now doing such fantastic stuff.”

“Yeah, I agree with you there.”

“It’s sort of sad, knowing I won’t be on that side of things anymore, but also kind of a relief. I don’t know if I’d have it in me to be out there again.”

Kurt laughs. “I _definitely_ agree with you on that. In my day it was enough for me to be landing one quad, let alone what the guys are out there doing now.”

Tessa laughs with him. “I still can’t believe the jumps they’re doing now, either. I’ll take a complex rotational lift any day.”

She likes chatting with Kurt as they work, and the time goes by quickly. In the end she looks on with special admiration for all of the Gadbois teams, but especially as Mary and Sebastian skate a flawless rhythm dance program to edge out a 4th place by a hair. Tessa does her best to keep a celebratory yet neutral tone in her voice throughout, focusing on the big picture of the event.

But then by the time the free dance comes along the next day, she knows she’s failing to keep to that promise. Mary and Seb skate the program of their lives and with two more teams left to go they are ranked first. Tessa can see in their faces the moment it lands on them, when they realize they’ve made it to the podium at the Olympics and are headed for a Bronze medal. They’re just about the same age Tessa and Scott were at Vancouver, and it makes her feel so warm and nostalgic thinking back to that. She watches as the young pair embrace each other and then bring Scott and Patrice next to them into an emotional group hug.

When the mics are off during a commercial break Tessa and Kurt also hug it out, happy for their team-mates. They conclude the flower ceremony and sign off for the day and it’s all Tessa can do not to run down to the backstage area, texting Scott as she does.

She finds him and Patrice waiting together, chatting off to the side of another group of Team Canada trainers.

“Scott!”

He turns to look at her as she approaches, his face lighting up when he sees her. He takes the last couple of steps towards her and opens his arms for the hug she’s already waiting to give him. She puts her arms around him and hugs him so, so tightly.

“You did it!” she says, wonder and pride in her voice. “You did it, I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

She can feel his relieved laughter rippling through both of their bodies. “ _They_ did it all, T, I swear it was all them,” he says.

They separate and she looks back at him, ready to admonish him for not taking the compliment. She looks over at Patrice who gives a gentle shrug, wordless. She knows he’d say it was a little of both.

“You guys going to celebrate later?”

Scott nods enthusiastically. “Yep, all of us. You in? It wouldn’t be complete without you there, I know Mary will probably want to talk out how it all went.”

 _He’s right,_ she thinks. She doesn’t know the two of them as well as Scott does but from the little time she’s spent working with them on choreography support Tessa remembers their personalities well. Mary probably feels both stunned and also like she’s ready to take on the world all over again the next day.

“Absolutely,” Tessa says. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good. You’re still part of the team, you know,” he says with a focussed look in his eye.

“I know.” She laughs a little, happy to feel included but knowing at the same time that it’s not necessary. The Gadbois program is having an amazing night tonight and she’s so happy for all of them, she’d feel this way regardless of whether she was involved backstage in any way.

“We’re going to meet up around six,” he says. “That gives us a couple of hours to figure out where we’re going to eat. You wrapped for the day now?”

“Yep,” Tessa confirms. “I’m back in action tomorrow first thing. I was just going to head back to the room and freshen up, and call Alex.”

Scott smiles and nods. “It’s a plan.” He leans in and kisses her on the cheek and she hugs him one more time. Then she does the same for Patrice and Marie-France, before spying Mary and Sebastian approaching from the locker rooms, hand in hand, gleaming medals around their necks and smiles to match.

They see Tessa too and she moves to give them congratulations and hugs, one at a time.

“How does it feel?” she asks them, knowing pretty well herself how it feels.

They glance at each other and for once it’s Sebastian that speaks first. “It honestly feels like gold. There’s nothing else we would have changed.”

Mary nods in agreement. “I never want to take this off, ever,” she says, looking down still a little amazed at the bronze disc in her hands.

Tessa laughs. “I know how that feels. Eventually you will, but don’t rush it.” She glances back at Scott, who’s watching them with a relaxed smile on his face. He winks at Tessa and she does the same back to him.

*

Scott feels just like his team does - like they’d won gold instead of bronze. He spends the first couple of days celebrating, partly with Mary and Seb and partly with Patrice and Marie France and others in the support team, and then takes a couple of days to enjoy the Games just like he would have done before.

But mostly, he misses his family. Christine had been insistent that he should focus on being a good coach and not worry about missing check-ins with her or the boys as long as he still had his final events to go. For the most part he had given himself permission to do as she said, but now that his major work is done he’s been messaging and video chatting every chance he can.

“You’re coming to the next one, Chris,” he tells her decisively, the day after the Bronze win. It’s dinner time for him in Beijing and she’s just now awake, enjoying those few moments to herself before the kids are awake. “Calgary 2026, you’re all coming too.”

“I’ll hold you to that, you know,” she answers, but she’s laughing in that way that he knows means she’s playing along but doesn’t need to be reassured. “You really think the boys could come too?”

“Oh my God, totally,” he says. “They’ll be old enough to absorb it all, too. We could take them to the hockey! Or the ski cross, oh man, Chris, you should see some of these skiers out here, they’re insane and it’s awesome.”

“I saw the footage of the finals!” she says. “I was hoping the women would sweep the podium but a Gold and Silver repeat is pretty sweet too.”

“I said the same thing,” Scott agrees. He pauses for a moment, letting their discussion settle. “But I’m serious, Chris, we’re all going in 2026. Calgary’s so close compared to China, it’s practically next door.”

“Okay,” she nods, and he can tell she’s still a bit sleepy but excited by the conversation. “We’ll plan for it.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure. I mean...let’s see, though, right? Who knows what’ll be happening in four years. I could be pregnant again. Or it could be hard to get the time off work. Or we could be travelling with more babies and be totally out-numbered.”

He knows she’s said that just to help temper his dreams with a dose of reality and real life, but all it does is make him want to lean in to them further.

“Then we’ll travel with more babies,” he says matter-of-factly. “Or we’ll plan the next baby around the Olympics. Or we’ll get a nanny. Or I’ll get my family to help, you know Mom always wants more time with all of her grandkids.”

She smiles back at him, laughing a little. “Okay. Okay, I give in, we can do any of those things. Or all of them.”

“ _Yes_ ,” he says, pumping a fist in triumph.

They talk for a few more minutes, Christine a little more quietly as she’s the only one awake in their house just yet. She tells him everything about Max and Aidan’s day yesterday, how they’re getting better at holding themselves up a bit when they’re lying on their tummies, and starting to hold onto favourite toys now. Her aunt has been over a few times in the evenings and on weekends to help out and do some cooking, and Christine has even started looking into a possible babysitter - one of the neighbours’ daughters who just turned sixteen and is hoping to study nursing in a few years.

Hearing all of these normal everyday things just makes Scott more homesick all of a sudden, and he mentally starts counting down the days until his return flight. He’d promised he’d be there to walk in the closing ceremonies with Mary and Seb, wanting to support them the whole way through their first Games.

“I miss you, Chris, all three of you. I wish the closing was tonight.”

“I know you do, sweetheart. You’ll be home so soon.”

He lets out a sigh. “Not quick enough. As soon as I’m back I’m spending the whole next week at home with you guys.”

There’s a quiet pause as he rubs one hand across his face, suddenly feeling the fatigue of the last week and a half, and the distance of so many miles and a whole ocean between them.

“Hey,” she says gently, settling into a more comfortable spot on their couch. “We’re not worrying, and we’re not waiting, remember?”

It’s a phrase they started repeating to themselves in the weeks before their wedding over a year ago, when they’d given themselves permission not to worry too much about things that didn’t seem as important. Now they still use those words to keep each other balanced.

“Yeah, I know,” he says. If he was there with her he’d be next to her on the couch, holding her close. Or maybe still in bed, lying next to her and waking up slowly. “I just hate missing all of you.”

“I know you do,” she says. She smiles at him, that one she uses when she knows he’s feeling conflicted. “I miss you too when you’re away. And so do the boys, and they’re going to be so happy when you’re back in a few days.” She turns her head then, listening to sounds from somewhere else in the house.

“Someone awake?” he asks, excited.

“Sounds like it. You want to hang on a minute and you can say hi? I’ll get them up and changed in a sec.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says. He holds the line as Christine takes the phone upstairs with her to the babies’ room. He listens as she goes to Max and gets him changed first - Scott remembers Max had been the one more likely to be waking up unhappy, before he’d left for the Games - and then Aidan. She’s moving efficiently like someone who’s practiced these steps many, many times, but also talking to both boys the whole time and making sure they know she’s there even when she’s only paying attention to one of them.

Soon Christine’s got one of them in each arm and standing looking back into the phone where it’s propped up against a shelf. Scott waves back at them and says hi and talks and babbles with them. He’s still not sure how much they recognize his face like this, but they definitely recognize his voice which makes him incredibly glad, every time. As he watches their faces and listens to them he forgets everything else he was thinking about before.

*

It’s first thing on a Saturday at the beginning of April when Tessa meets Christine to go running. They started a couple of weeks ago when the weather had started to get a little milder and the sidewalks a little less icy. Christine was looking for more ways to get back to a physical fitness routine since having the babies and Tessa was happy to join in for a run once a week, having nearly come to the end of her program and starting to go a little stir crazy.

Today they’ve lucked out and it’s a few degrees above freezing with some sun starting to peek out. Tessa pulls up in their driveway just as Christine is finishing up buckling the twins into the jogging stroller. She pulls on her hat and zips up her fleece jacket, coming over to greet them.

“Hey, how’s everybody this morning?” Tessa asks, quickly moving to hug her in greeting.

Christine smiles and hugs her back, before turning her attention back to the boys. She fixes their hats and makes sure their snowsuits are fully zipped. “We are _great_ ,” she says, smiling for emphasis and talking in that way adults do around babies. “ _Some_ of us were up in the middle of the night,” she says, looking at the boys, who gaze back at her cheerfully. One of them lets out a babbling giggle before chewing on his mitten. “But then _some_ of us,” she says, gesturing back to herself, “got to go back sleep because Daddy still hasn’t adjusted to normal time, so he got up with the babies instead.”

“Aw, poor Scott,” Tessa sympathizes. “But good that it’s working out in your favour right now,” she reasons. Between the Beijing Olympics in February and Worlds in Munich a couple of weeks ago, and all four of them visiting his brother’s family in Alberta not long after that, Tessa’s not surprised Scott still hasn’t quite normalized yet. She hopes that changes soon.

“That’s what I think too,” Christine says. “I’ll totally take it.”

“Hey there, guys,” Tessa crouches slightly, waving at the babies and smiling. She’s gotten to spend some time with the babies every couple of weeks or so, but every time she still hopes they remember her. They seem to, this time, and she’s rewarded back with drooling grins and happy pink cheeks. They usually enjoy the jogging stroller when she meets Christine for these runs, sometimes falling asleep by the time Tessa and Christine make it back to the house.

“Should we try for the same route as last time?” Tessa asks, straightening again before taking a moment to stretch. Christine does the same.

“Sure. We can do the loop a few times and cut it short if anybody starts to get cranky.” Last time they’d repeated a loop three times that had added up to a little under six kilometres by the end.

“Sounds good to me,” Tessa says. “And I _do_ sometimes get cranky when I’ve only had one cup of coffee,” she jokes, reaching to give one of each of the babies’ legs a squeeze.

They set off running and make it through their intended route, spelling each other off on driving the stroller. Tessa tries to take the stroller for slightly longer periods of time since she knows Christine’s still getting back to her normal fitness routine, but eventually finds it isn’t necessary to do that.

She and Christine exchange good conversation as they run. Tessa talks about how close she is to finishing up her final project - an independent business model including the full gamut of market research and forecasting, a five-year funding and sustainability plan, and sales trajectories. She’s using what she’s learned from her own sportswear collection from _The Bay_ and fine-tuned everything a little more. By the end she’ll have not just her final course project, but a path forward in her own fashion brand development.

Christine tells her more about what’s been happening with the boys, how they’re getting better at sitting up and even starting to push up a little more on their hands, almost like they want to try crawling - she’s very okay with that part not starting quite just yet. She fills Tessa in on how Scott has been doing, adjusting to life post-Olympics and post-Worlds, settling back into transition mode with his teams and thinking about the coming year.

It’s a nice clear morning, the neighbourhood is slowly waking up and coming alive on a Saturday morning. By the time they get back to the house there’s more activity happening around them, and both women are feeling warm and cheerful. Christine opens the garage and rolls the stroller in, then reaches to start unbuckling one of the babies.

Tessa does the same with the other, examining him closely and hoping she guesses the name right. “Have I got Aidan?” she asks, looking at the shape of his cheeks and the bit of hair peeking out from under his hat. Aidan’s hair seemed to be coming in more on the blond side of brownish blond, whereas Max’s was the opposite. Both of them have the same brown eyes as Scott, and nearly identical features.

“That’s right,” Christine confirms, then smiling at Max as she picks him up. “This guy right here is probably going to reach for his dad as soon as he sees him, Scott’s his favourite person these days.”

“Oh really?” Tessa asks, watching as Aidan smiles back at her. She pulls off his hat and starts unzipping his snowsuit, mirroring what Christine’s doing with Max.

“Yeah, but that’s okay though. It’s good that he knows they miss him and still want him, not just their mama.”

“Does Scott still worry about that?” Tessa asks, easing Aidan’s arms out of the snowsuit, and glancing back at Christine, who already has Max fully out of his outdoor gear.  “Whether they miss him when he’s not here? I remember him talking about it a little when I saw him in Beijing.”

Christine’s nodding, bouncing Max on her hip. “He does worry. But we’ve talked about it, and he does his best when he’s away. And anyway, I think these guys are swapping favourite parents on us every month or so. Just to keep us on our toes.”

“Ah, that must keep it interesting,” Tessa says with a nod. She hadn’t quite thought of it that way before. Another moment and Tessa's caught up with Christine and gotten Aidan out of his snowsuit, so she follows her into the house.

Tessa toes off her shoes just as Christine does, while also unzipping her jacket with one hand. She lets her jacket fall off of one shoulder and then transfers Aidan to her other arm as she pulls it off completely. The smell of coffee permeates the first floor of the house as they enter, and then as they step inside they find Scott, sitting at the kitchen island with his chin in one hand, blearily checking notifications on his phone. A mostly full mug of coffee sits in front of him.

“Hey there world traveller,” Tessa says. “Long time no see!”

He brightens visibly as they come in, putting aside his phone and kissing Christine on the cheek, then Tessa. Sure enough little Max reaches out his arms towards him, babbling a continuous “da da da da” as he does.

Scott takes the baby from his wife’s arms and kisses him, too. “Who’s my best guy today, hm?”

Her arms now free, Christine makes a beeline for coffee machine and pulls out two more mugs. She pours out coffee for herself and Tessa, who’s still happily holding Aidan. Or rather, he’s holding on to her, now, one hand gleefully tangled in her ponytail, the other clutching the edge of her sweatshirt.

“I can trade you for him, if you like,” Christine says, holding out the mug for Tessa and nodding to Aidan.

“Oh I’m fine,” Tessa says, smiling back at the boy. “He’s the best date I’ve had in weeks.” She kisses his cheek and Aidan grins back at her and waves his hands enthusiastically, temporarily releasing his grip on her hair and collar. Tessa takes the coffee Christine offers, though, and they both join Scott at the island.

“What’s Alex up to these days?” Scott asks, settling Max on one knee and producing a toy for him from a nearby basket.

“He’s in London this time, for a whole month,” she says, a little glumly. “We check in as much as we can, but it’s not the same as in person. The UK office has started using him more and more lately.”

“Any chance you’ll get to go with him sometime? I’d kill for a trip there, haven’t been over there in years,” Christine says.

“Noted,” Scott interjects, winking back at his wife over his mug of coffee.

“He has offered,” Tessa answers. “It just didn’t work out this time. But maybe on the next one.”

“I hope so,” Christine says sympathetically. Tessa watches as she exchanges a glance with Scott, and thinks she wants to ask something more, but then doesn’t.

“Well, I think I’m overdue to make you ladies some breakfast,” Scott interjects, then. He stands and moves into the kitchen with Max still in one arm, and starts to pull out some pans and cooking utensils.

“You going to be okay one-handed, there?” Christine asks, not budging from her seat just yet.

“You bet,” he answers, reaching into the fridge for the eggs. “The Max monster and I are all set.” He starts in on some cooking prep with Max babbling away on his arm. Tessa catches him up on a few more things, mostly a lot of what she talked about with Christine on their run.

After a few minutes Aidan starts squirming in Tessa’s arms, reaching out towards his mama. “Mum mum mum,” he babbles at her, little arms flailing again.

Christine moves to take him from Tessa. “Come here, my cutie, my one son who still loves me. Even when I’m all sweaty and gross,” she adds, giving him a sloppy exaggerated kiss on his cheek that makes him laugh.

Tessa sits back and holds her mug easily now that her arms are empty. She listens and watches as Scott chatters with Max, narrating his cooking steps with him, and as Christine bounces Aidan on her knee. She wraps both hands around her coffee and listens, and laughs, and keeps on chatting, glad for the warmth and the company.

 

*

While Tessa doesn’t join Alex for a London excursion, she does end up taking a trip with him sooner than she thinks. The planning happens not long after she completes her degree, when she’s kicking off a weekend of getting him all to herself for the first time in weeks.

The week after she turns in her last piece of work for her MBA program and gets the confirmation from her supervisor that her program requirements have been completed in full, he takes her to dinner in celebration. It’s at a slightly out of the way place with a long, elegant tasting menu and wine pairings to match. The ambiance is cozy and so is the conversation. Tessa feels warm and relaxed, sitting snugly next to Alex.

“I’ve been away from you too much this year,” he tells her apologetically. “I wish I’d been around more while you were finishing up.”

“I know you do,” she says, grateful for his apology and also understanding he’s trying to make it up to her right now. “And believe me, I’m going to make sure you get your chance, I’m going to need someone to bounce off of when I’m actually putting it all into action this year.”

Tessa’s told him already about her final project and how she used it to plot out an expansion of her recent clothing line. Her goal now is to move beyond just the athletic garments into something bigger, a broader lifestyle brand that feels accessible and inspiring for women across different levels of physical activity. Alex has always been so supportive of her when she talks about it, has never made her feel like it’s frivolous or too narrow. But what she needs now is someone to help her dream further, think longer term, and that’s something he’s good at, something she needs from him and has been missing lately.

Just then Alex reaches for the bottle of bubbly they’ve been sharing for the final two courses, and tops up their glasses.

“What would you think about postponing that discussion a little bit? Or perhaps doing it somewhere a little more comfortable?”

She smiles tentatively, wondering what he’s thinking. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking, that I have a more flexible calendar in the next couple of months, and I’m thinking that I’d like to take you away somewhere. Maybe for a week, or two, whatever we can manage. Where ever you want.”

Tessa’s smile broadens. She shifts her hand from where it’s been resting on his knee, to take his free hand in hers. “I’d like that a lot. I can...I can definitely find a clear week for us. Maybe even two,” she adds, thinking. Her brand engagements will ramp up again soon and she can plan around them. Other than that it’s all about the next steps for her next new line and planning for her own boutique company - she’s already talked to Melissa about coming on board as her partner and CFO - but the reality is she can also make her own decisions about when that all kicks off.

“Good,” he says, relieved and relaxed. “You deserve it. You deserve far more from me, actually, but we’ll start with a vacation.”

“A real vacation?” she asks. “No work, no phones, no laptops?”

He takes in a deep breath and lets it out again. She knows that’s going to be a hard proposition for both of them, and won’t be surprised if they both agree to it and then backslide a bit, but in her mind it’s still the intention that counts. “Yes,” he says. “It’s been too long since I’ve had a proper trip, and I think you completing your degree is more than enough to celebrate.”

“It is, you’re right,” she says, feeling the warmth of pride and accomplishment settle on her once again. “And I think if I get to choose where we go, then I want somewhere warm, maybe with some outdoor exploring.” It’s been a long, grey winter for the most part, and while Tessa’s been glad for her outdoor running excursions and her tried-and-true indoor fitness practices, she’s longing to get outside somewhere that feels more free.

“I think we can arrange that,” he says, and she can already see the wheels turning in his mind, coming up with some ideas.

She brings her free hand to his cheek and kisses him then, first softly and then more insistently on the next. “I’m glad you’re back,” she says, squeezing his hand again and settling even closer to him.

“I’m glad to be back,” he answers.

Tessa kisses him again.

 

*

A month later they board a plane together to Sydney, with plans for a week spent on the coast and another week in a secluded resort in the interior.

It’s a great trip and one Tessa allows herself to only minimally document on social media. It’s the first time she and Alex have spent this much time together on any kind of trip, and it makes her realize even more how much she enjoys relaxing with him. He makes her feel good, and cared for, and listened to. And feeling that way makes her want to do the very same for him.

They spend their nights wrapped in each other’s arms, and their days on the beach, or on guided hikes through the rainforest, or meandering through small towns and taking in the scenery.

On their second to last night he holds her especially close as they sit on the patio of their rented house, watching the daylight fade and listening to the quiet night-time sounds of the forest coming alive.

“I love you, Tessa,” he tells her then.

Tessa turns in his arms and looks back at him, surprised. Although she knows that this isn’t actually the first time either of them have said it, it occurs to her she can’t remember hearing it from him in person before - not just in a text or on the phone. It makes her smile and lean closer to him.

“I’ve missed getting to say it to you more often,” he tells her. “There’s a lot of things I’ve been missing out on doing with you lately.”

She nods, feeling emotion well up in her all of a sudden. “Me too.”

A couple of days later Tessa returns to Montreal on the cusp of summer, revived and excited to dive back in to her next projects, and warmed by Alex’s affections.

 

*

It’s July by the time Scott gets Tessa to join in on some choreography brainstorming once again. Mary and Sebastian have settled in for their next round of training preparation for the coming year, and Anna and Ravi are just about chomping at the bit heading into their first year at the senior level. Scott’s done some good work with them already, and thanks to Patrice they’ve come up with a solid spine for both programs.

But he’s started to get tired of the sound of his own voice and starts stepping aside, letting them play around with some elements themselves and bringing in outside support players at least once a week. Some weeks that means Marie-France or Sam, or both, and other weeks it’s Tessa. He’s glad she’s found time to put more skating back in her week, and is even more glad to take advantage of it by getting her in to work with him.

It’s not just his teams that love working with her and bouncing ideas off of her - the whole rink does, really. He worries some times that one day she’ll get too busy to keep doing this altogether. But today is not that day, at least not yet.

He finishes up some notes with Ravi on the new lift they’ve been trying, and skates over to Anna and Tessa at the boards just as they’re finishing up, too. They’re deep in conversation and he guesses they’re talking about more than just skating technique.

When he and Tessa make it to the cafe later for their habitual post-practice coffees, she tells him a little more. They find a table in the back of the cafe and he sets their coffees in front of them - Americano for him, macchiatto for her.

“So how much do you want to know about the personal lives of your young protégés?” Tessa asks.

“Let me have it,” he says. “Is it that bad?”

Tessa smiles, chuckling a little. “No, not really. At least not in the grand scheme of things.”

“She has a crush on Ravi?”

Tessa nods. “Yeah. She’d put it aside, she said, because they want to have a good first year as seniors and she didn’t want to distract them.”

He lets out a breath. “Oof. I was wondering if that’s what was up. They’ve seemed a little squirrely since we came back after the spring.”

“Does he feel the same way about her?” she asks.

“Pretty sure, yeah.” He thinks about the way he’s seen Ravi wait for her outside the locker rooms, the way he’d always watched out for her from the sidelines at JGP events when some of the other boys had tried to charm Anna. It makes him think about when he and Tessa were younger and going to so many competitions, and then he suddenly feels very, very old.

“Aw, that’s sweet, though,” Tessa says. “They make a good team, too.”

“They do,” Scott agrees, taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s taken me a bit of time to get used to their style, it’s different from Mary and Seb.”

“A little less intense?”

“In a lot of ways, yeah,” he says, thinking. He’s still never encountered another team like Mary and Sebastian - even after a few years of working with them he’s still amazed at their ability to focus and buckle down. And they both have good family support behind them, which makes it easy to see where their confidence comes from. But Anna and Ravi have always been a bit different, sometimes needing more coaxing and a more fluid, organic creative process. “What did you tell Anna?”

Tessa takes a sip of her drink and licks her lips. “Actually I didn’t tell her anything, exactly, I mostly just listened and asked her some questions. It sounds like she’s thinking about trying it out with him.”

Scott nods. “I’ll keep an eye on it.” He’s not sure how that will affect their skating, but it seems to him he’d rather them work through it and come out the other side even if it explodes, than continuing in the holding pattern of uncertainty that seems to be messing with their heads right now.  

“They’re young. And they’re in the shadow of a really great team,” she says pointedly about his star dancers, “so there’s a little less crazy pressure on them. I think they’ll be okay,” she says finally, nodding decisively. “Anyway, I’ll be back next week, I’ll get her to fill me in then. And I told her I’d set her up with some of the pieces from my new workout line, that will give me endless excuses to check in with her, if you need me to.”

“You’re always welcome, T, you know that,” he says softly. But she’s not wrong to make the suggestion, and he likes that she’s finding ways to think ahead. “Hey how is the new line going, by the way? You said you had a good second launch?” He remembers her talking about it back in June.

“Yeah, it’s been good,” she says, though her enthusiasm is tempered a bit. She chews a little on her lip. “I’m still thinking about how to make it better the next time.”

“You said everyone’s loving it, though, right?” he asks confused. “And there’s more sizes than you did in the first one, you said.”

“I know, and I’m going to keep that up for anything that happens down the line. I like the new pieces and it’s awesome to be getting into more than just clothes, I just…” she sighs gently, grasping her coffee with both hands. “Is it enough to be telling people what to wear? It still just feels like it’s on the surface, what people look like.”

He’s confused, and wonders if she is too, a little bit. “But I thought that was what you were going for, though,” he says, and then immediately re-thinks his words. “I mean, the part about creating more options about what to wear and feel comfortable in, getting brands to be about strength and confidence and all of that.”

“Yeah, that’s what I mean, though. I wish there was a way to do more with the strength and confidence part - it’s so hard to know if people are getting that or if they’re just following the brands because they think it’s stylish.” She sips her coffee, pondering. “I had all these ideas to start out with, and now I’m wondering if I’m going to become just another brand that tells people what to wear and doesn’t have anything else standing behind it.”

“Tess, you couldn’t ever be like that even if you tried - people know you’re not just about appearances.”

“Maybe,” she considers.

He knows it’s been a few years since they were at the height of their public status as Olympians, as elite physical competitors. She hasn’t shied away from the limelight but it’s true that she’s had a different profile in the last few years, having been removed from the world of competition and training. It would be so easy for people to forget about the athletic path that brought her to the sponsorship world in this way, and just write her off as another face that’s trying to sell something.

“What are you thinking about, T? You must be working away on some other plan in the back of your mind.” When he reads her expression he can tell she’s chewing on something, or maybe she can’t quite decide what it is.

She takes a sip of her coffee, looking like she’s genuinely thinking about it. “I’m not sure yet,” she says. After a moment she nods decisively. “But I’ll figure it out.”

“Of course you will,” he says, never doubting her in the slightest.

 

*

It’s about a month later when Tessa realizes fully what that next idea is. She’s coming off a week of reviewing photos for a round of magazine and social media advertisements and finds herself staring at the proof sheets long after she’s submitted her approvals. The photos include many shots of her - as the brand name spokesmodel it’s not unexpected that she would be front and centre - but also several others wearing different looks from the collection. It’s a larger group of women than she’d used on the first campaign, and a broader range of body shapes and sizes.

The more she flips through them the more she realizes she’s enjoying looking at the women themselves, more so than the clothes they’re wearing. It’s not that she’s not interested in the clothes - the clothes are, after all, the exact thing she’s trying to sell, and the things she’d spent months developing with her team - but more so that she wishes they could do more to show off the women themselves.

Tessa spends the next few days talking to various people in her network, bouncing ideas off them and running through the possibilities of what she’s driving towards. By September she’s formally recruited a photography team as well as a creative director she knows from her past projects, and she’s also begun lining up a few models.

The goal is a photography project that showcases athletic women, encouraging a positive, realistic view on their bodies and their strengths. With her team they decide on an approach that shows each subject in two poses, one more athletic - mid-stride on the track, or about to land on the ice after a jump - and the other more artistic, mid-movement in bright, minimalist gowns. It’s the blend of artistry and athleticism that speaks to Tessa the most and excites her to see the project through.

By October they’ve produced a foundational set of ten photo pairs, each featuring a different athlete - many medal winners and many Olympians among them.

Tessa shows them to Alex one evening and tells him all of the stories behind each one, how they got the shots and how excited each of the women was to participate.

“These are beautiful, Tessa” he says, admiring the images she’s spread out on the coffee table in front of them. "They should be on billboards," he adds, with no hint of irony.

“I think so too,” she says in agreement. “But first we’re going to aim for a small gallery show and see how we do from there.”

“Do you have one set up yet?”

“Not yet,” she shakes her head. “I’ve started to make calls but most of them want to see more samples of work before taking on a full show, so we’re going to try another ten sets for a minimum portfolio of twenty.”

Alex nods. “All from around here?”

Tessa shakes her head. “I’m probably headed to Toronto and Vancouver next month to line up the next batch.” She nudges him with her knee. “You want to come with me? We could have our own little road trip. You could work out of one of Garrison-Mackintosh offices there and we could spend the evenings doing whatever we wanted,” she adds, suggestively.

She’s partly joking, truthfully, not expecting him to take her up on the suggestion. But to her surprise he starts nodding, considering it seriously.

“I could, you know. That would probably work out, actually, I’ve got to connect with one of the VPs out in Vancouver anyway for the next London trip.”

“Really?” she brightens. “Oh, this will be _fun_. I’ll call my team and we’ll start setting up dates.” She looks back at the photos on the table, touching a couple of them as she sorts them over once more. There’s a gorgeous set with Kim Boutin, one in the middle of a powerful stride coming around a curve on the ice, the other with her laughing while posing with her hands lifting high in the air. Tessa feels so much triumph looking through all of the pictures, she wants to put them in front of as many people as possible.

“You know, my firm has a few connections. I could always make a few calls and see if I can help speed up the gallery booking a little bit.

Tessa looks back at him, amazed but grateful. She’d fleetingly thought about asking him about that, but had put it aside thinking he might not have time, or that he’d feel strange about it. “Oh, that would be amazing,” she says, excited. “I’d say no, but honestly I’m happy to take all the connections I can get.”

“I’ll put the wheels in motion tomorrow,” he confirms. “We’ll have something lined up by Christmas, I can just about guarantee it.” He’s so pleased, she can tell, and she’s glad he wants to be involved.

She lets one hand come to rest around his knee, the other still examining the photos. “Yes,” she says eventually, thinking about the possibility of an exhibition the following spring, and the branding campaign they might be able to follow it with if the exhibition is successful. “Yes, that will do very well.”

 

*

By the time Scott finishes his season with Worlds behind him and two teams feeling content and successful, not to mention two happy and energetic toddlers who are growing like weeds, Tessa’s brought her own big project to completion. April arrives, along with their formal invitation to the opening night. He and Christine have been hearing her talk about it the last few months and even seen a few of the photos, but Tessa had insisted they view the real thing for themselves once it was complete.

She had, of course, been completely right. When they arrive at the gallery downtown the space is already filing with people, and a few servers are circulating around with trays of drinks and food. Scott remembers a few of the women in the photos are locally situated, and several of them were also meant to be in attendance tonight. He keeps an eye out for the ones he’ll recognize, ready to make introductions to Chris.

It’s a modest space, but with high ceilings and a lot of light. Most of the photographs are mounted on walls but several hang suspended in the middle of the room, allowing everyone to circulate. Descriptive text accompanies each photo set, describing the personal history and qualities of the athlete pictured. He and Christine walk through the gallery and take it all in.

“This is amazing,” Scott says, almost needlessly. He can tell the people there are enjoying the show, and the images really do speak for themselves.

“No kidding,” Christine agrees. “Look at this space. Where’s Tessa? We need to congratulate her.”

They spot her over in one corner, talking to a few people with Alex next to her. She’s smiling as she talks, and then shakes hands with them. They watch as she and Alex step away and let the others continue viewing the exhibit, and Scott catches her eye with a wave.

Christine closes the distance between them first. “Tessa, this is is so fantastic!” She hugs her in congratulations. “I love all of them.”

“She’s still not over the fact that you got Kerrin-Lee,” Scott says. “She’s been her idol since forever.”

“Oh, she was just lovely to work with,” Tessa says, mostly to Christine. “We got her on board with us when we were out west, it took a bit of convincing but she was supportive of the spirit of the project.”

“I’m glad Kaetlyn’s in there, too,” Scott says affectionately, and Tessa’s already nodding.

“We had _so_ much fun. I have to be careful, though, if there’s too many figure skaters it’s going to start looking like favouritism.”

Behind her, Alex shrugs. “I can’t agree with her there, but I lost that argument to the expert,” he laughs.

Scott reaches over to shake his hand. “Good to see you, man,” he says. “How’s the jet-setting going these days?” He and Alex start up conversation as Tessa and Christine do the same on their own. It sounds like Alex has been keeping busy but has eased up on the travel a little these days, at least sticking a little closer to North America more often.

“How are your boys doing?” Alex asks in return. “I think the last time I saw them it was at your party before the holidays, they were walking and talking some more?” He’s concentrating, trying to remember, and Scott’s touched. Alex hasn’t ever struck him as a strongly paternal guy, from what Scott’s seen, but he does do very well at remembering details about people - even kids. He thinks it’s probably one of the things that Tessa likes about him.

“Oh, they’re so great,” Scott says, thinking back to how much has happened with them even in the month since he’s been back from Worlds. “Every week it’s like they’re different little people all over again. They’re running everywhere now, but getting better at playing together, too.”

“It must be nice for them to have each other growing up,” Alex offers. “I was much younger than my siblings, I was always a little envious of them being closer in age.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Scott thinks. “They’re never alone, never bored, that’s for sure.”

Just then Christine and Tessa turn their attention back to the men, jumping back into the conversation as a group.

“Tessa says they’re going to expand the exhibit,” Christine reports eagerly. “Maybe even get the AGO in Toronto!”

“That’s still a definite maybe,” Tessa interjects, insistent. “But there could be an opening in one of their smaller galleries next winter, and they’re interested if we can add a few more subjects from summer sports and amp up the narrative pieces.” Scott nods, thinking that probably makes sense with the Summer games coming up next year.

Alex is looking at Tessa adoringly as she relates the news, one hand at her back. She looks up at him then, smiling gladly. “But I wouldn’t have gotten this far without Alex’s help, he’s the one with the connections that got us the gallery.”

“All I did was make a few calls,” he says. “But if you ask me the work speaks for itself, more people should be able to see these photos.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Scott says.

“Come on, I want to go look at them again,” Christine says, reaching for him, and Scott follows her after promising to catch up with Tessa and Alex later.

As he walks with Christine through the gallery he can’t help but steal glances back at Tessa. He’s so very proud, seeing her pull off something like this. He can see how happy it’s making her, trying out something creative and different, it feels like a natural extension of who she is.

Watching her with Alex, he’s also glad to know she has someone in her life who’s supporting her - Scott knows she’s had her ups and downs with Alex in the last year especially, but they seem to be settling into a rhythm. He hopes he makes her happy, too, hopes so much that she’s found someone who deserves her.

“Hey,” Christine brings him back, wrapping one of her hands around his. “She’s good, I promise.”

“Yeah?” He always wonders what exactly gets exchanged between the two of them when they chat, and knows enough to step aside while they do.

“Yeah. They both are. They’re...figuring some things out, but they’re good. She’s happy.”

He lets out a breath he’d just realized he was holding. “Okay. Good. I just want her to be happy, you know?”

Christine nods, smiling at him, and not for the first time he realizes how incredibly lucky he got that he found her. “I know. I do too,” she adds. “She’s a big girl, and she can decide for herself, just remember that.”

“You’re right,” he says, taking the reminder. “You’re always right.”

“Of course I am,” she agrees, lifting up on her toes to kiss him on the lips.

A server walks by then with a tray of glasses and he grabs two, keeping one for himself and handing one to his wife. He wraps his free arm around her waist as they continue to navigate the space together.

 

*

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new baby, a separation, more skating, more Olympics, and a new opportunity. More pieces of Scott and Tessa's lives, both big and small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with more.  
> And will hopefully have the two chapters that follow this for you within the next week/week and a half - lots happens in these next three pieces, and I am excited to be moving this story closer to the middle.
> 
> (I also have to confess that this may actually be more than 13 chapters by the end, but I haven't quite figured out ow many more, so, uh...stay tuned on that one).
> 
> As always thank you to my beta readers who are truly amazing human beings. Any mistakes or flaws that remain are entirely my own.

Almost two years after Scott’s Olympic coaching debut, his world at home expands further as Max and Aidan are joined by a little sister. Like her brothers, she arrives a month early. Unlike her brothers, she arrives by way of an emergency C-section, precipitated by the same blood pressure issues that had kept Christine on bed rest for most of the last month of her pregnancy. 

Scott sits as near to her as he can while the surgery takes place. Everyone in the room is moving confidently and reassuringly, but very, very efficiently, and it’s all he can do to keep his voice calm. All he’s thinking about then is his wife, trying to keep steady for her, wishing he could hold her hand and hoping everything goes as it should. He can tell she’s doing her best to do the same thing, responding to him as well as she can but mostly staying quiet and still until the procedure is over. He notices a wet trail of tears escape from the corner of her eyes and brushes them away with his finger, swallowing down the knot of worry in the back of his throat.

He leans in close to Christine, speaking reassuring words over and over. He’s nervous too, working hard at concentrating almost entirely on her and hardly at all on what else is happening in the room. He blocks out whatever the doctors are saying as they work on the other side of the paper curtain at Christine’s midsection.

He hears their daughter before he sees her held up in the doctor’s hands, her strong indignant wail quickly filling the room. A couple of the staff in the room respond with happy laughter. Scott sees Christine let go of the rest of the tears she’d been holding back, knowing that she’s just as relieved as he is - probably much more so. He feels the release flood through him instantly, as their daughter’s cries fade into a softer, more melodic sound.

A few moments later the baby’s brought over to Scott and he takes her gently and so, so, gladly.

“Put her next to your skin,” Christine says, her voice slightly hoarse. “Let her feel you, it’s what they had me do with the boys,” she adds. One of the nurses standing by nods in confirmation, ready to help.

He does as he’s told, pulling down the neck of his gown as much as he can. He unwraps the baby slightly -  _ she’s so little _ , is all he can think then,  _ almost as tiny as the boys were _ \- and tucks her little head just under his chin so she’s resting above his heartbeat, her bare chest right against his.

“Hey there little girl,” he says gently. Her cries have calmed a little now, steadying into soft, snuffling whimpers. “We’re so glad you’re here.” He rubs one hand gently against her little back, feels her hands reaching and grasping a bit as she tries to figure out what’s happening. He hopes she knows his voice, after so many months of talking to her from this side of things, of feeling her kick from inside Christine’s belly.

After a moment he plants a kiss to her little forehead and brings her closer to her mother, resting the baby right next to her head. Christine’s immobile enough that she doesn’t reach to touch her just yet, but Scott brings the baby close enough so she can press a gentle kiss to her face.

“I’m so happy you’re here, sweetie,” she says through tears. “So, so glad.” The baby turns her head a little more towards the sound of her voice, and Christine smiles so widely.

“I think she looks like you,” Scott says, beaming. While they don’t know for sure what her eyes will look like just yet, all he can see in her face is Christine, the same delicate nose and soft chin. Scott wonders if her pale wisp of hair will grow in as a reddish blonde, unlike the boys’ slightly darker hair.

“She’s beautiful,” is all she can say in answer to that. She swallows, looking just as happy and relieved as Scott feels.

He leans in and kisses his wife this time, once on the lips and then once more on each of her cheeks, slowly but as firmly as he can.

 

*

Tessa comes to see them in the hospital the next morning. She’d gotten the updates from Scott yesterday, and had been happy to hear everything had gone well in the end. She brings a tray of coffees for the adults, and donuts for the kids. She knows Scott will raise his eyebrow at that, but also that he’ll cave in the end and hand them over.

Max and Aidan are two and a half now and she’s starting to enjoy filling the role of the aunt who spoils them when she visits. It’s something she’s doesn’t get to do with her own nieces snd nephews as often as she’d like.

Scott and Christine seem to be keeping pace with Jordan, whose second son arrived last fall. When she’d seen them just after the holiday Scott was marvelling at how talkative Max and Aidan had become lately, how much their vocabulary had started to explode. He’d joked it must be something in the water at their daycare.

Tessa gets to the hospital room and finds both parents looking a little worn out but happy and relaxed. She puts down her things and hugs them all one at a time, including the boys. Max and Aidan seem excited, and a little bouncy. Scott’s got them both set up with some toys and books, but they move to greet Tessa eagerly.

“I brought treats for the grownups and the boys, if that’s okay,” she offers, holding out the snacks to Scott. “Decaf for mom, since I wasn’t sure,” she says for Christine’s benefit.

“Oh thank you, I’ll take anything at this point,” Christine answers. “And sure, why not, right?” she looks at Scott, who hands her the coffee. She takes it with one hand, still cradling the baby in her other arm. “With how chaotic it’s going to be at home in the next few days, what’s a little bit of sugar,” she says, winking at Tessa.

Scott kneels down with the boys and tears a donut into large pieces. “Auntie Tess brought us some donuts, would you guys like some?” he asks, handing a piece to each of them.

“Remember, what do we say?” Christine verbally nudges them.

They both turn to Tessa and say “thank youuu” happily. Aidan reaches up and pats Tessa’s knee with one sticky hand, grinning at her.

“You’re very welcome,” she says. “What do you think of your new baby sister?” she asks them.

Max immediately runs to the side of Christine’s bed, where the baby is resting, awake and alert in her mother’s arms. “New sister!” he says proudly, pointing to her. “Our new baby,” he explains to Tessa. Scott helps him and Aidan both scoot up next to Christine - “carefully,” he reminds them, cautious not to jostle her too much.

“What’s her name?” Tessa asks the boys, coming to stand behind them and peer down at the little girl all bundled up.

“Renée!” Aidan says first, pleased. “New sister Renée,” he repeats.

“One day old,” Max adds, equally proud to report this. He holds up one finger to illustrate.  

Tessa laughs. “Oh, what a lovely name. Renée,” she says. “How did you choose that one?” She glances at Christine and Scott both.

“Renée Fleming was one of my mom’s favourite singers,” Christine explains.

“Yeah. We both liked it,” Scott adds. “We’d had a few other names picked out as options but then after she was born she just sounded so...musical, almost, when she was crying.”

“So Renée was the name that stuck,” Christine says. “I think it suits her.” She looks down at Renée and then back up at Tessa. “Here, do you want to hold her?”

“Oh, yes, I’d love to,” Tessa says. She reaches forward and takes her gently, cradling her in one arm just like she’s gotten used to doing with the boys and with her little nieces and nephews over the years, each time they’ve been close to this little. And Renée’s  _ so _ little, so brand new, the weight hardly registers in her arms although her presence certainly does.

Tessa sits down in one of the nearby chairs and Christine relaxes back against her pillows, holding her coffee gladly with two hands. “How are you feeling?” Tessa asks.

“Okay,” she says. “Not a hundred percent, but already a lot better than yesterday.”

“We’re lucky Sarah’s going to come help us out as much as she can this week.” Scott says. “And my mom’s going to come up day after tomorrow to stay for a couple of weeks too, we just hadn’t realized we’d need her this early.”

“Of course,” Tessa nods, looking back at Renée’s little face. She holds out a couple of fingers underneath her little hands and the baby flexes her fingers against Tessa’s. “Please let me know what I can do, too,” she offers. “I can’t promise cooking skills like Alma, but I am great at grocery shopping and reading books and playing games.” She’s betting Renée and Christine will spend the next little while focussed on each other and that it’s the boys who will need more of the attention from others.

“Oh believe me, we are going to take you up on that,” Scott says. He tears off half of one of the other donuts and eats most of it in one bite. “Plus, I know mom will love catching up with you. She missed seeing you at Christmas.”

This year Tessa had spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with her family, but after that had left for a week with Alex for a vacation in Cuba. His calendar had once again already become full for the most of the winter and they took the week to themselves while they could.

“I’d like that,” Tessa says. “I’ll clear some time.” She listens as Scott tells her more about their new daughter, how she was just over six pounds, and a little early. But the doctors said she was looking healthy so far which they were very glad about.

Tessa re-settles Renée in her arms, and rocks her a bit, patting her back gently with her other hand.

The boys nestle up closer to their mother, now that both of her arms are free again. Christine holds them comfortably, one on each side of her, and kisses their heads. “You know, you look pretty good with a baby in your arms, Tessa,” she says then, warmly. 

Tessa chuckles in response, feeling her cheeks reddening a bit. She’s heard the same thing from Jordan, more than once. The last few years have brought a lot of accomplishments in her life, but Tessa’s still not been sure where or when a family of her own fits into the picture.

“Just your babies, Christine, they’re more than enough for me,” she jokes, brushing off the comment. “Besides, it’d be hard to compete with this much cuteness.” She nods over at the boys before looking down at Renée again, who has already started to doze off comfortably.

“Well, that’s pretty hard to deny,” Scott says proudly.

Tessa asks them more about their plans for the next few weeks, and they happily carry on that line of conversation.  
  


*

Christine’s words stick with Tessa for a little while longer, as it turns out. Admittedly Tessa still has no regrets when it comes to the trajectory her life has taken over the last several years. She’s glad to have advanced her education just like she’d wanted to do for so long, and she’s started to find a combination of business and creative pursuits that bring her a lot of satisfaction. And she and Alex have found a good pattern over the last couple of years, learning how to support each other and make time to care for each other even when their schedules challenge them.  

But she also admits to herself that there’s still part of her that’s aware of that drive she still carries around inside her - the need to always look ahead to the next project to work on, the next thing to take up her focus in a new way and see what possibilities will result. She wonders if that impulse isn’t telling her something else. Maybe the next adventure she’s ready for isn’t a new business venture or another new pet project. Maybe, just maybe, she’s ready to fill in the picture of her personal life a little more, beyond just finding a partner she feels compatible with.

Tessa thinks of how she feels holding Scott’s children, and Jordan’s new little ones, and all her little nieces and nephews over the years. She lets herself think about what it would be like to bring one of her own into her life, and what that could look like. And she finds that she doesn’t mind the idea at all.

 

*

Bringing Renée home from the hospital was just as exciting for Scott and Christine as it was when the twins were new. They’d done up the third bedroom just for her, ready and waiting with a fresh crib and rocking chair, all set for the room’s new occupant. There were a few shelves with some toys and books, and a few stuffed animals that the boys had helped Scott pick out a the store.

Having Scott’s mother around helps inordinately in the first couple of weeks. She makes no pretense about wanting to hold little Renée as much as she can, but also spends good time with the boys. A few times she even enlists their help in the kitchen while she works, showing them how to hold the wooden spoons to stir empty bowls next to her.

“Mom, I did mention you can’t leave, right?” Scott says, about a week and a half into her visit. Christine’s just getting Renée’s down for her morning nap upstairs, and the boys are hovering on Alma’s every move as she works.

“Oh, so you’ve kept telling me,” his mother says. “Don’t worry, Scott, you’ve got me for a bit, eh? Remember, I know a little bit about how it goes once there’s three little ones in the house,” she says knowingly.

“So you keep telling  _ me _ ,” he says, winking. He helps his mother take a tray of cookies out of the oven to cool, making sure it’s out of reach of small fingers on the counter, while she puts in the next tray and sets the timer.

“But you’re going to manage it, though,” she says confidently. “It’s how it goes, you make everyone fit, you make things work.”

“I know, Mom. I think we’re starting to figure out the groove.” And it’s true, he thinks.

They’ve started to figure out Renée’s napping patterns and feeding schedule. Some things are a bit easier this time around - Renée’s taken to breastfeeding fairly easily, and the boys have mercifully been falling into a longer more consistent sleep schedule over the last few months which has already helped a lot. They’ll start the boys at full-day daycare next week, and they’ve upped their housekeeper’s time to four visits a week instead of two. He’d be happy to get more than that but Christine kept insisting that was plenty of help.

“I can see that you are,” his mother says, in a confident tone that he finds he needs to hear. She pulls off her oven mitts and starts lifting the cookies onto the cooling rack one at a time. “Everyone’s happy and in one piece,” she says, nodding over to Max and Aidan. “Everyone’s taken care of, they know that you’re there for them.”

Scott smiles, thinking that he’s so glad his sons get to be big brothers. They were excited to see Renée at hospital and when she first came home, and things have been okay so far with them.

He does still worry a bit about the twins, about making sure they’re still getting enough time with both him and Christine. He can tell they’re starting to discover that sometimes mama isn’t always going to be the one there at bedtime or first thing in the morning, or when they stumble and need someone to run to. Scott’s had the lion’s share of time with them for the last month or so, really. It’s made him realize there are a lot of habits they formed so early with Christine with Scott being the one away more frequently, and it’s hard sometimes for them to switch gears now. Plus, now he and Christine are literally out-numbered, which adds another layer to the whole experience.

“You’re a good father, Scott,” Alma says, as though reading his mind. “I always knew you would be, of course. But you’ve settled into this life so well. It suits you. You and Chris,” she adds.

Truthfully he’s glad to hear her say that. As much as he loves all of his family, he’s had his fair share of worry about being there for them enough. This time around he’d already started his time off from Gadbois, even though it comes at an inconvenient time in the year. He’ll sit out the rest of the season, taking leave to spend time with his family instead. And he feels less guilt over it than he did when the twins were new, remembering everything that he and Christine had to adjust to at the time.

“Thanks, Mom, that means a lot.”

“And you know...let yourself enjoy this time, when you can,” she adds gently. “They grow up so fast, they really do. And some things will get harder with three, but then there’s a lot that’s so much better,” she insists.

Scott smiles at her again and kisses her cheek. He shakes off the rest of his distant thoughts, coming to crouch on the floor next to Aidan and setting to right the mixing bowls he’s overturned. He feels his mother’s hand on his shoulder. She leans over and kisses him on top of his head, handing Aidan another wooden spoon.

“Anyway, you haven’t gotten rid of me yet, my boy,” Alma says to him then. “I’m going to soak up as much time with these young creatures as I can.”

“I know, Mom, we’re going to make sure you do.” He puts his hand over hers and stands up. “And you’re right, we’ll figure it out.”

“Of course you will. Isn’t that what any of us are doing? Now, have a cookie.”

He smiles again, half laughing this time. She’s right of course. She’s his mother, after all.  
  
  


*

It’s a few months later when Tessa’s coming off of a particularly long stretch of gruelling back-to-back days of work and travel. Her photography exhibit at the AGO is ending and she’s had to spend some time in Toronto arranging which pieces will be donated to galleries, which will be retained by the photography subjects themselves, and which will be sent for auction.

Her plan is to use the proceeds as funding for B2ten - one of her first steps as a formal member of their fundraising team. She’d engaged them in discussions about it last winter once the first round of her gallery exhibit had started to draw attention and she was already preparing for the AGO version. She’d expanded the exhibit to include more summer athletes, including several from the B2ten group, and conversations about joining the funding team had taken off from there.

In retrospect it feels like such an obvious next step to take, and one she can’t believe she hadn’t thought of sooner. But it still feels right, and she’s still excited to move forward with them, further solidifying Montreal as her home base for the next couple of years at least.

At the same time she’s been keeping up meetings with her design team, mapping out the next collection and set of sponsored campaigns. Her boutique label has become successful and stable enough over the last couple of years that she feels comfortable delegating more of the decisions, as long as she still has consistent input and final approval.  

So, by the time the first waves of summer warmth start to descend over Montreal she’s glad to finally have a few days to herself with no travel and a bare minimum of appointments. She lets herself ignore her home office and instead finds herself cozying up in bed earlier than usual, and turning off her morning alarm altogether. Alex is travelling as well - another long stretch working out of the UK office.

Her seeming mission to catch up on weeks’ worth of missing sleep in a matter of a couple of days makes it even more challenging to get on a call with Alex during a time when they’re both awake. She manages it early one afternoon, when his day is just getting started.

“Tess, I seriously wish you’d have come along with me this time - it’s so gorgeous here, London’s amazing this time of year.”

“I know, babe, your pictures are just amazing. I just couldn’t swing it this time, you know that.”

“Did it go well in Toronto?”

“I think so. The exhibit’s all closed down now and there’s just a few pieces left to assign homes to before we go to auction. I think I want to send a couple of them to the Olympic museum and one to B2ten. And I want to save the one of Kerrin-Lee for Christine and Scott, I know she’ll like having it.”

“That’s great, Tess.”

“I know,” she says, smiling. “And the guy I met with at the auction house said if we market this right we might end up with more than a quarter of a million at the end of the day.”

“Tess, that’s  _ amazing _ . You’re gonna do great things. They’re lucky to have you working for them.”

“I hope so,” she says, letting out a long breath. “I’m trying not to think about all the logistics I’m going to need to figure out in the next few months, though. It’s crazy how things just pile on together all of a sudden.” She rubs a hand across her face, settling back against the couch.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He asks.

She smiles back at the screen warmly. He always offers, even when he’s far away.

“Probably. Being in the same city as me would be a big help,” she tells him with a sigh.

“I’m working on it,” he tells her gently. “Just a couple more weeks.”

“I miss you,” she says. “I miss having breakfast with you and getting ready for the day with you.” They still keep separate apartments, even after all this time, but the truth is he spends more of his time at her place than at his, these days. He's all but moved in with her, all they need to do is make it official and go ahead and do it. It’s a conversation she’s been wanting to have with him for a little while - which place they would keep, together, and if that was something he wanted to talk about. She lets out a yawn, then, her body suddenly betraying her fatigue even in the middle of the day.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Tessa? You seem tired.”

“I am tired,” she admits. “I think my age must be catching up with me, I can’t do this much running back and forth all at once any more.”

“Oh gosh, don’t say that,” he chides her. “If you’re getting old then I’m positively ancient.”

Tessa laughs in spite of herself. She knows he’s right. And he’s only a couple of years older than her. But she’s hit her mid-thirties now and notices herself feeling it occasionally in ways she didn’t used to.

“In that case, I’m sure it’s just normal travel exhaustion. I’m probably coming down with something.”

“Take care of yourself, Tessa. You’ve earned it, after the last few months.”

“I have. And I will,” she adds.

“I need to get going now. Message me later?”

“Count on it,” she smiles in answer. She blows a kiss at him through the screen and he does the same for her.

Returned once more to the familiar silence of her apartment, Tessa heads to the kitchen to make herself some tea and a bit of food, before retreating to the couch and resting up as promised.

A couple of days later, feeling a little more energetic but still not one hundred percent, it occurs to Tessa to check her calendar. She does the math and realizes she’s several days late - even knowing that she’s had irregular cycles before, she’s never usually this late.

Although she knows her feelings about having a baby have started to shift, it isn’t a decision she’d expected to need to fully confront quite just yet. She sits for a moment, stunned and a little jarred at the idea that it might really be happening now.  

Then she gets up and heads out the door to the nearest drugstore. She makes a beeline for the aisle with the pregnancy tests and grabs two for good measure. When she returns to her apartment she brings them into the bathroom and sets them on the counter, staring at them for a good long moment.

Eventually she puts them away, still in their plastic bag, in the cupboard underneath the sink. She knows she needs to take them - one of them, at least - but needs to give herself a little more time before she faces it. She’ll take them tomorrow, she decides, and moves to run herself a warm bath instead.

 

*

The next morning Tessa wakes up and discovers she doesn’t need to take either of the tests, after all.

She admits to herself at first that she does feel relief, knowing this isn’t something that’s going to happen right now. But the more she thinks about it she discovers other feelings underneath that initial reaction, things that feel more like wishing, and disappointment. There’s a part of her that wouldn’t have minded at all to have been pregnant right now, which is also something she hadn’t fully realized about herself before.

Glancing back at her calendar she sees she has a little over a week before Alex returns. She knows now there is more than one conversation she’s been putting off having with him for far, far too long, and there’s no point in waiting any longer.  
  


*

After talking to Alex on the phone not long after he lands the following week, they make plans to spend the evening together the following day. Tessa wonders a little at the tone of his voice when she talks to him - he’s not upset or disinterested, but he does sound like there’s something serious that he’s thinking about, something different from when they spoke the week before.

“Is everything okay, babe?” she asks him before they sign off. “Are you tired from the flight, or…?”

“I’m okay,” he tells her. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, though. I just want to make sure I’ve caught up on a bit of sleep first, it’s important to me...and I hope for you, too.”

“Oh, I’m very interested, now,” she says honestly, but laughing a little to cover her nervousness. She’s hoping it’s a similar type of important ‘something’ to the ones she’s been thinking about.

Tessa plans a simple dinner for them the next night - a tried and true pasta recipe she’s always liked making with him, and a nice wine. She gets a small box of pastries from a high-end bakery downtown that she doesn’t usually let herself indulge in.

But then, the conversation she has with him turns out to be a very different one than what she had hoped to have. They’re halfway through their orrichiette when Alex sets down his wine glass and turns to her, his posture straightening as he steadies himself.

“What is it, Alex? You said you had something important to talk about?”

“I did. I  _ do _ ,” he corrects himself, smiling gently. “So, the thing is, I’ve been offered a promotion,” he says. “Senior Vice President, I’d be in charge of one the international strategy portfolios, including corporate social responsibility. They made me the offer right before I left to come home.”

“Oh, honey, that’s amazing,” Tessa says. She reaches for his hand. “That’s such a good fit for you.” She thinks about how his academic time has been more limited the last year or two and how the CSR strategy is something he’s talked about getting more involved in.

“It is,” he lets out some nervous laughter, squeezing her hand back. “It’s a really, really good step for me. The truth is I was hoping to make a move like this, I just didn’t think it would happen quite yet.”

Tessa puts her arms around him eagerly. “Oh, I’m so glad,” she says, enjoying the way his arms feel around her as he hugs her back. She’s missed having him around the last few weeks. “Is it here in Montreal?” she asks, pulling away from him. “Oh, or Toronto,” she says, thinking.

“Well, that’s the thing,” he says, that same hesitant tone she remembered from the day before returning to his voice. “It would be posted out of the UK office. It’s in London.”

“London?” she repeats. “In England? Oh, wow,” she breathes out.

The thoughts she’d started in on half a second ago, thoughts that included a possible relocation to Toronto and how she could still make that work with her new B2ten commitments, suddenly vanish. She looks down at her plate, suddenly no longer interested in her dinner.

“Yes, exactly,” Alex says, no further comment needed on what this means, and the kind of decision they need to make together, now. “It’s an amazing opportunity.”

Tessa looks back at him, only one question in her mind now. “What did you tell them?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing, yet. They’re giving me a week to give them my final answer, and advise what my compensation range will be.” He pauses for a moment, taking her hand again. “They recognize it would involve a move, so they’ve emphasized I should tell them my needs and expectations. In terms of what I’d expect for salary, or accommodations...for me or for family,” he adds. He lets his thumb drift along her hand, rubbing along her knuckles.

“Oh,” is all she can say, still thinking. “Well, that’s good of them.” She wants to say a lot more things, ask him a lot more questions, and all she can come up with is bland agreements.

“What are you thinking?” he asks her then.

She keeps looking at him, taking in the open hope mixed with concern so visible in his expression. He wants so badly to take this job, she can tell. And he also wants very much for her to join him, and he’s not sure what she’s going to say. She shakes her head, thinking then about the things she’d wanted to talk to him about tonight - the exact kinds of things he’s offering her if only she takes the move with him.  

“Oh, Alex,” she says, emotion welling up inside her. “I’m so glad for you, you deserve this so, so much.” She swallows, smiles back at him as much as she can muster.

“But…?” he asks, suspecting what’s coming.

“I...I just don’t know if I can move my life that far. Maybe...Maybe if it was Toronto, or even Vancouver,” she offers, wondering out loud if that possibility exists. She’s trying to find a compromise even as she knows one isn’t coming.

“It might be a few more years before something like this opens up in one of the Canadian offices,” he admits. “It’s one of the reasons I wasn’t expecting something like this to happen just yet.”

Tessa nods. She reaches then for his other hand. “Can we...Can I think about it for a little bit? Maybe a day or two?”

He’s nodding back before she even finishes speaking. “Of course, Tessa, of course. You know how much you mean to me,” he says, looking down at her hands in his. “I want very much to take this opportunity...but I also would love to have you with me when I do,” he admits.

She looks back at him for a moment before leaning in and kissing him, wishing so much that she didn’t have to make this choice, that she didn’t have to make things this complicated for him.

Because the reality is she already knows, deep down, what her answer is. She knows now that this is where the two of them part ways. But she can’t bring herself to admit the truth of that out loud. She doesn’t want to lose him just yet, doesn’t want to think about not having him next to her any more nights together, not having him to talk to when one of them is far away and needing the voice of a partner who understands the lives they both lead. He’s been her companion and her confidant for years now, and she’s not ready to give him up yet.   

So for now, she doesn’t. She lets him hold her, and take her to bed, and talk to her about anything and everything else they could possibly talk about.

And then couple of days after that, with a heavy sadness and regret clinging to her, she lets him go.  
  


*

It turns out to be Christine who comes over first in the aftermath - in person, at least. Tessa’s overdue for a long phone call with Jordan, she knows, but Christine appears on Tessa’s doorstep one evening with a bottle of cabernet in one hand and a grocery bag with ice cream in the other.

“Which one do you need first?” she asks, holding them out in front of her when she’s barely inside the door.

“Both,” Tessa answers honestly. “But we’ll start with the wine.” She lets Christine in and they walk into the kitchen. She places the ice cream in the freezer for later and then pulls down two glasses from the cabinet. Opening the wine, she glances back at Christine before pouring.

“Oh, I’m drinking with you,” she confirms. “I got Renée switched over to bottles two weeks ago and I pumped before I came over, believe me I am joining you.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Tessa chuckles. “I don’t much feel like drinking alone right now.”

They take their glasses into the living room, along with some fruit and cheese Tessa manages to procure from her kitchen.

“So, it’s done then, is it?” Christine asks, curious but kind.

Tessa nods slowly, one hand holding her glass, the other one propping up her head as she settles into her spot on the couch. She’s shed most of her tears by now and is left mostly with the weight of her thoughts, wondering if she should have known this was how it was going to end with Alex. She tells as much to Christine.

“I really didn’t think this was how it was going to go,” Tessa admits. “I feel so ridiculous now, I thought he would come back from this trip this time and we would have a totally different conversation.” She takes a large sip from her glass.

“Did you really feel ridiculous though? I mean, while you were with him,” Christine asks. She sounds genuinely curious, even a little surprised at the idea.

Tessa shakes her head. “No. No, I didn’t, that’s...that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean?”

“I’m not sure, I guess...I just can’t believe I was thinking about things so differently than he was.”

Christine shrugs. “Maybe. But it sounds like he would have been open to the conversation, just...he wanted to have it on the other side of the ocean.”

“Yeah,” Tessa says, “I think that’s probably true. I just wish I hadn’t waited so long to try to figure it out.”

“I know how that feels,” Christine says, sympathetically. “When I split with Andre all I could think about was that I’d spent four years with this guy and I couldn’t believe I never thought to figure out what I was really looking for.”

Tessa nods, taking a sip of her wine. “I guess I could be blamed for that. too,” she says. “But even I didn’t know everything that I wanted, until…well until a little while ago.” She thinks about how she’d been ready to talk to Alex about starting a family. But somehow she can’t bring herself to tell all of that to Christine, at least not yet. “I always had a good time with him,” Tessa continues, “he was always good to me. He was away a lot, but I guess I knew that going in. And I have had my moments too,” she allows. “There were probably too many months when we were like ships in the night.” She thinks for a moment. “But the thing is...he always came back to me. Even in those times when I wasn't sure about what we had together, he....he always did come back.”

“Yeah, he did,” Christine says. “That doesn’t sound like a ridiculous situation to me,” she offers gently.

“No, it’s not, you’re right,” Tessa says quietly. “I guess I just didn’t think this would be the last time he came back to me,” she admits out loud, and then swallows hard against the tears she suddenly feels gathering at the corners of her eyes. “I love him. But my home is here,” she says, looking around her apartment, gesturing towards the lights of the city glittering beyond her window. “My life is here, my family, my friends, my work...I can’t leave all that behind, I couldn’t.”

Deep down, she knows too that if she hadn’t been ready to make that kind of choice for Scott all those years ago then she certainly wasn’t going to do it for Alex. But that’s definitely not something she can say out loud to Christine - she’s made peace with her choices from back then and can’t bear the thought of casting shadows on what they’ve made together. The very idea of it just sinks her spirits even further.

Tessa sets her glass down and puts one hand over her face. Mostly, right now, she’s sad that a relationship she’s spent the last several years of her life in is over.

Christine sets her glass down on the coffee table too, next to Tessa’s. “If he’d come back from his trip and had been ready to stay here and settle down with you, do you think you would have done it?”

Tessa blinks back at her for a moment, briefly surprised that she’s managed to practically read her mind. And actually Tessa knows the answer before she’s able to fully verbalize it. “Yes,” she nods. “I know I would have.”

And she knows he would have embraced being her partner in the fullest sense of the word. They’d not gotten to the conversation about marriage and children, but she feels certain that if they had agreed to it together, he would have dived into it like he did everything else in his life. With patience, and care, and commitment to doing it well.

Christine must see her face falling then, because she reaches out gently towards Tessa, letting her arms come around her shoulders. Tessa lets herself be held, gratefully, letting a few tears fall.

“He was a good guy,” Christine says. “ _ Is _ a good guy.”

“He is,” Tessa nods, pulling back and swiping under her eyes. “I was lucky to have him.”  
  


*

Tessa spends the next few months letting herself be consumed by her work. She completes the auction from the gallery exhibit and completes the funding support for B2ten, establishing her new role on their board. She also carries on with her clothing label, expanding to include more shoes and some day wear items alongside the athletic pieces.

All in all, she has a good routine and she feels good being busy. She still has Melissa helping her manage her new little company and is grateful for her grounding dose of reality.

“You still get to take over the world, Tess,” Melissa tells her during one morning meeting over coffee at her place. “The apparel line is doing better than ever, and those guys at B2ten won’t even know what they did without you.”

“I hardly think that’s true,” Tessa says modestly. If anything it feels more like a family welcome than a corporate partnership. But still, she wants to feel like she’s making a contribution and she accepts the sentiment behind the compliment. “I can collaboratively take over a small  _ part _ of the world, how’s that.”

“I suppose that will do,” Melissa concedes. She takes a long sip from her coffee and then sets it down, thinking. “Hey, can you even believe it was only two years ago that we finished the program? It feels like a thousand, sometimes.”

“I know what you mean,” Tessa says, thinking about it, too. A lot has happened in a short time. Professionally she’s accomplished more than she thought she would have by this point. Her personal life is a different story, though, and she clutches her mug, trying not to dwell on that. “And my skating life feels like another thousand years before  _ that _ ,” she admits glumly.

“But you’re still helping out with coaching, I thought?” Melissa asks.

“Sure,” Tessa says at first, but then thinks about it more and second-guesses her answer. “Although, I guess i haven’t been by as much lately. I haven’t talked about it with Scott or Marie-France, but the new season is getting going soon.”

“You should get back to it,” Melissa advises. “Make sure the young generation gets all your wisdom before you get old and cynical,” she jokes.

“ _ Hey _ ,” Tessa admonishes, swatting her with one hand. “I’m thirty-five, I’m not dead.”

“Then go show them how it’s done,” her friend insists. “ _ That’s _ your job, now.”

Tessa laughs but then considers that for a moment.  _ She’s right, _ Tessa thinks. She hasn’t been doing as much as she could, and it’s been weeks again since she’s even laced up her skates. She takes the hint, and phones Scott the next day.

 

*

“You’re really sure about this, T?” Scott asks a couple of weeks later, meeting her just outside the rink. He hands over her coffee - still a macchiato for her, he’d checked just in case - as they walk through the front entrance. “I don’t want to take you away from your work if you’ve got too much else happening.” The last year or two they’ve kept up their connections at the rink but fairly fluidly - she usually dips in and out at different times in the season when he can tell he needs another voice or another perspective - her perspective in particular.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Tessa insists. “It’s like I told you and Marie-France last time, I can do two days a week no problem. I  _ want _ to,” she adds. “I know i haven’t been gone altogether, but I still want to do more than I have been.”

“Good,” he says, glad. He’d been sure that’s what she would say but he likes to check just in case.

The truth is he’s wondered how much of a distraction she needs or wants right now, still relatively fresh from her break-up. Tessa’s talked to him about it a little bit, about how it was the right decision for both of them and she wishes him well. And he knows Christine’s talked to her about it, too, which he’s glad for. But there’s a different kind of energy to Tessa lately that he wonders about sometimes - like she’s not quite back to her full self just yet. Or like she’s always got something else to think about in the back of her mind, things she hasn’t said out loud to him.

Still, Scott’s happy, working with her again like this. He had always thought that even if she only kept up the occasional drop-ins with everyone at the rink like she had done the last little while, he’d still take it. He’s glad to have coaxed her back to the team a little more formally, and knows Marie-France is excited to make plans with her, too. They’re working on getting her enrolled in the next coaching training with Skate Canada, so Tessa will have some official qualifications, too, although so far it’s looking like she’ll dive into that next spring.

“Marie-France says you guys have been focusing on edge work lately?” Tessa asks then.

Scott nods. “Yeah, we’ve done some workshops the last couple of weeks with the full crew. And there’s a few new guys this year so it’s good for them to see how the older teams work.”

He starts in on updating her on all their preparations so far, the programs the senior teams have been working on, and how the junior teams are shaping up so far. He’s just starting to wonder if he’s inundating with her with too much information as they reach the locker rooms.

“Are you sure I’m not coming in too late?” Tessa asks suddenly, her expression intent.

“T, of course not,” he says quickly. “Do you know how thrilled they’re going to be? Anna’s so excited, all last week she kept asking me when you’re starting. And I’m sure the juniors all idolize you already - I’m old news to them, you know.”

She laughs, and that puts him at ease. “Okay. You’re right, that was stupid of me to even ask. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Good. Get your skates laced up, Virtch, we got some steps to work on out there.”

“Let’s do it. I’m glad I’m not going to get in your way.”

“Far from it, Tess. You could never be in my way even if you tried.”

 

*

It turns out that Tessa starts looking forward to her days at the rink more than any other time in her week. Some weeks she catches herself coming by early in the mornings in addition to her planned training time with the teams, when she knows there will be free ice time. It feels good to take a few minutes to herself to just skate and move. She’s lucky that Marie-France and Patrice don’t mind.

Scott finds her on a morning like that in the middle of October. He’s coming in with his gear and coffee, just as she’s starting to think about winding down. 

“Hey, want a buddy?” he asks, dropping his coat and and lacing up his skates right there next to the boards. He’s already in his athletic attire.

“Always!” she shouts back, stroking the rest of the lap and coming to meet him. Suddenly she has a second wind. She glances at the clock and sees it’s getting closer to eight o’clock, she expects some of the teams will start trickling in before too long.

“You’re here bright and early,” she says.

“I could say the same, madame fundraiser lady. I hope you’re not burning the candle at both ends,” he adds, giving her a wry look.

“I’m doing  _ fine _ , thank you,” she responds in defense. “I’m getting sleep, I promise. But I also discovered some of your pockets of free ice and  _ may _ have started to take advantage of it.” She lifts her eyebrows up and down a little, and he laughs.

“Good, you should be,” he tells her.

Tessa takes Scott’s hand and then skate another lap together. As they’re starting in on their second lap she lets out a long breath, realizing how long it’s been since they’ve just had a regular practice like this together.

“How long has it been, anyway?” Scott says, his expression distant, like he’s doing a mental calculation. He looks back at he then, at her quizzical glance. “Since we just had our own practice like this. You know?”

She nods and sighs at the same time. “Oh, that’s a relief. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve lost the ability to read each other’s minds.”

He scoffs. “Oh man, that’s a scary thought. For real, I hope we never get that far.”

Tessa nods again, vigorously. She takes his hand even more firmly, shifting closer so she’s facing him in a proper dance hold, skating backwards while he propels them forward. She grins back at him broadly, mirroring the smile that’s now plastered on his face.

“God, how did we forget about this part?” he asks. “Seriously, I get you back at the rink and all I do is put you to work.”

“I  _ like _ the work,” she reminds him. “It’s fun. And it’s not like we don’t get skating time, Scott, half the choreo sessions are you and me trying things out with these guys.”

“I know, you’re right,” Scott says. He lifts his arm and turns her, before skating in a wide circle around them and then switching them to a different hold, with him still skating behind her. “I just mean...maybe we could start putting something together, you know?”

“Scott, I love you, but we are not making another Olympic comeback, a year and four months is not enough preparation time,” she deadpans.

“Just for that, you owe me a rotational lift,” he says without missing a beat.

“Fine, but give it one more lap first,” she laughs. “I’m old, I need more advance preparation for these things now.”

“I’m serious, though, kiddo. We should put something together. They’re bringing back the Niagara holiday program this year, I bet they’d have us back. Or I think Patrick’s staging something out in Vancouver, too, we could help him with his new club profile.”

Tessa thinks about that for a second, realizing either of those things would actually be totally do-able. “You know, that’s not the worst idea,” she admits.

“Yeah?” he asks, turning her again and switching them back to skating side by side.

“You think we could be ready in a couple of months?” she asks.

“For a holiday program?” he asks incredulous. “Of course we can. You can sweet-talk Marie into the choreography support no problem.”

She laughs. “You’re probably right. Oh, this will be fun, Scott. We’ll start talking music ideas in a few days, maybe?”

“Why wait? You’re back this afternoon for the workshop, right?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “I just wanted to steal ice time before doing my calls this morning.”

“Then we’ll do music later. I bet you have at least three ideas in the back of your mind right now.”

Actually she has five, but she doesn’t tell him that. She’ll hold onto them, and by the time she’s back this afternoon she knows that list will have at least doubled.

“Deal. I’m looking forward to it already.”

 

*

In the end they skate both the Niagara show as well as the event in Vancouver in support of Patrick’s club, a week in between each of them. Scott’s mother joins them for both events, helping Christine with the kids as much as she can - in spite of Scott’s insistence that she doesn’t need to. Tessa’s mother and siblings are in the audience in Niagara, too, cheering them on. It’s a great time at both shows.

It hits Tessa in the middle of the Niagara show, when they’re getting ready to take the ice for their contemporary rock number set to an Arcade Fire/Arkells mashup. All of a sudden she’s transported ten years in the past, to when they were younger and still figuring out so, so many things. In a lot of ways it feels like it was just yesterday.

But when she looks over at Scott and thinks about how much he’s done since then, how his life has grown and flourished in every possible way, she can only smile. He’s earned every little bit of the silver that’s started to glimmer at his temple, every little line that crinkles at the edge of his eyes when he laughs. And she recognizes those moments when his smile is just for his family, for his kids who are in the audience tonight for the first time ever. It makes her happy, skating by his side while he gets to show off for them, knowing she gets to help make that happen.

He takes her hand as they skate onto the ice in the darkness and move towards their opening position, awaiting the first beats on ‘Keep the Car Running’.

“Have fun with it, T,” he says to her as they take their position. “We got this.”

“You too, kiddo,” she murmurs back to him. “This is definitely the fun part.” She’s not sure if she means the skating, or their lives right now, or the fact that the holidays are almost here. But any of those would be the right answer. And then the lights come up, and the music starts.

And then they’re just skating, dancing across the ice like they never left it. It feels good, skating like this, having fun on the ice again in front of such an excited crowd. By the time the music ends Tessa can’t stop the grin on her face. She holds Scott’s hand as they take their bows, feeling more like herself than she has in months.  
  


*

A few months before the Calgary 2026 Olympics Scott accepts an invitation to be interviewed in a sports magazine. It’s a modest profile, focussing on his coaching career, guiding the new ice dance champions and their hopes for Olympic gold.

They also ask questions about his family, and life since his own competitive career came to an end. It’s the kind of questions he’s gotten used to not being asked over the last few years, since he and Tessa concluded their competitive career. After talking extensively about his coaching work at Gadbois and the collaborative approaches they use, and his hopes for Mary and Sebastian as they enter their second Olympics as podium hopefuls, the interviewer asks more about Scott himself. He tells them a little bit about his ongoing work with Tessa, how she’s been a bigger part of the Gadbois team over the last year. He talks about how keeping up with the occasional show skating has been a great way to keep tuned up and connected to the sport.

Then Scott finds himself talking more about his family, and what it’s like for him now that he has children of his own to raise. And he talks about the twins, what great boys they’re turning out to be. Then he starts gushing about Renée, nearly two years old now, and how he can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by that she’s already a toddler.

When the interviewer asks if having a daughter has changed anything in his life he ends up talking even more about Max and Aidan - now four - how he works to make sure they feel comfortable expressing their emotions and needs, and how there’s no reason that would be any different between raising boys or girls. He wants them all to grow up feeling loved and free to discover their own interests. He wants them all with him at the Olympics to see all the amazing athletic feats men and women are able to do, and plans to take them to as many events as they can manage.

He chats with Christine about it afterwards, sitting together in the living room after all the kids are asleep. He tells her everything he told the interviewers and feeling a bit heated about the last bit. Before he’s even halfway through he sees Christine smiling warmly back at him, resting her hand on his.

“Did I say the right things?” he asks her. It’s been a while since the media focus was all on him, let alone his family.

“Oh, honey, of course you did.”

“I just...I keep forgetting people think differently about dads with sons or daughters. It made me frustrated having to talk about it, just the idea of treating Renée differently than the boys.”

Christine puts her arms around him and kisses his cheek firmly, several times. “Of course that’s how you think, you’ve always thought that way,” she says. “That’s part of why I love you, you know. It’s part of why you’re such a great dad.”

He puts his arms around her, too, holding her tight. “Good,” he says, and then kisses her back. “Because you’re stuck with me, you know that right?”

“You bet I am,” she says. “Those three upstairs need you too, I hope you know,” she adds, her tone warm but completely serious.

“Then you’re  _ definitely _ stuck with me,” he says, kissing her again.  
  


*

And then, all of a sudden, it’s the Olympics again. The Calgary Games arrive in 2026 and Scott makes good on the promise he made to Christine four years earlier, bringing his whole family with him. Christine had to pretty much move heaven and earth to get two weeks off of work in the middle of winter, but managed it with the promise that the Olympics really do only happen every four years. And the truth is it had been an easy decision for her, thinking about how much they’ll get to see

His mother and Christine’s aunt come too, partly to help with the kids but also out of genuine excitement to see the Games and see Scott’s teams perform. Alma in particular is an experienced hand at this now - at both seeing the Games and also wrangling multiple small children - it makes him feel just a little less guilty when he has to spend so much of the first week with his skaters instead of his family.

Anna and Ravi take to their first Olympic Games with excitement measured by humility. They know they won’t be aiming for a podium finish, but having that knowledge frees them to enjoy themselves and shake off the pressure that mounts just from being at the Olympics in the first place. Scott’s looked on as they’ve navigated a personal relationship alongside their skating partnership the last couple of years, and been ready with offers of different kinds of support - mental coaching, personal counselling - at different stages.

To his relief their personal relationship seems to have only deepened and strengthened their abilities on the ice, rather than hindered them. As their technical skills have improved further and further, it has allowed audiences to fully embrace the emotion they communicate with each other when they skate. Their free dance this year is set to a combination of Claire de Lune and Romeo & Juliet, which they pull off brilliantly.

He feels the way the audience feels, watching them skate - endeared and enthralled. By the time they enter their final rotational lift a quarter of a minute from the end of the program, Scott knows they will get a standing ovation, and they do. They finish seventh overall, proud and grateful to have skated the way they did.

Mary and Sebastian enter these Games with their sights set on Gold - and that’s exactly what they get. Scott and Patrice as well as Marie-France have spent the last six months working diligently with them to keep honing their programs to the most precise standard, while still keeping a connection with the audience. Their work pays off.

Their free dance is set to a skillfully remastered four minutes of the  _ Cloud Atlas _ soundtrack which both Scott and Marie France had pushed them to reconsider at the beginning of the season but they had stubbornly stood by it ( _ “We want the challenge,” _ Mary had said, Seb supporting her the whole time.  _ “It’s beautiful and furious and epic and it’s what we want” _ ), and their work had come through with flying colours by the end. Their partnership is so well matched by this point after so many years of competition together. They skate not just like they’re there for each other but for the biggest possible audience, like they’re trying to sweep the entire stadium along with them into every single movement.

Scott stands at the boards and thinks affectionately about how truly good they are. He thinks too about how far they’ve come in the time he’s been working with them, and how much he’s learned in that time as well. He watches the last minute of their program with an admiring smile on his face, knowing they’re headed for the podium for sure. When their Gold medal score is confirmed he and Patrice hug and congratulate them enthusiastically, then later look on proudly as they are embraced by their families.

Afterwards, as he watches the flower ceremony and lets himself fully take in the celebrations, the payoff for all the hard work, Scott can’t help but feeling like it’s the end of something. He’s been on the coaching side of the boards for more than six years, has spent most of that time supporting Mary and Sebastian as they’ve embarked on their seniors career. While he still needs to sit down with them and get clear on their future plans, he knows how it feels to stand at the top of the Olympic podium and wonder what’s next.

Scott hopes they’re still excited to find out what’s next too - whether it’s skating or something else, or both. They could have a good few years as touring skaters if they wanted to go that route - just like he and Tessa had done. He looks back on what his own life has brought him the last decade and thinks that, whichever next path - or paths - they choose for themselves, it will be the right choice.  
  


*

His coaching duties now finished, Scott’s been able to take on more of the parenting time alongside Christine. She’s been enthusiastic about the whole trip and has had a ton of help from the rest of his family for looking after the kids. He's also missed seeing his kids for so much of the trip so far - just like when he goes whole days without seeing them when he travels. But this time he gets to finish up his work and re-join the events by their side, and now that he’s back in action with his whole family he feels more grounded and relaxed.

And, his looking after the boys has freed up time for Christine to see some of the events she was hoping to get to. She spends a couple of days just with Sarah and Renée watching some of the ski cross - two-year-old Renée bundled up against the cold, observing the crowds with a quiet but eager curiosity, snugly tucked on Christine’s lap for much of the time.

Then, it doesn’t take her long to notice the colourful flags waving everywhere, and absorb the happy, excited energy of the crowd. She quickly makes friends with people around her as she starts to toddle around, Christine and Sarah close behind her. Christine comes back before dinner one day with a handful of flags from all over the world, that Renée had charmed out of the hands of various spectators around them.

Tessa’s been at the Games too, on commentary duties once again with Kurt as well as Eric this time. Scott had felt comforted thinking of her looking over them from up in the sound booth, interpreting and narrating everything for the entire country. Tessa’s joined them as much as she’s been able to in the off-hours, sharing meals and catching up with his family, and listening to the kids talk excitedly about what they’ve been doing.

“Auntie Tess, did you know the men skaters can jump and spin around in the air  _ four times _ ?” Max asks Tessa, sitting next to her while pretending to eat his plate of spaghetti. He’s still too excited to eat, though Scott notices Tessa nudging his plate towards him to try to correct that.

Scott has been grinning to himself the whole time as Max and Aidan have been quizzing Tess (not to be confused with Aunt Tessa, as they’ve reinforced with the kids several times this week when Scott’s extended family has joined them as much as possible). The boys are practically bouncing out of their chairs, telling her and anyone who will listen about absolutely  _ everything _ they’ve seen. Now that they’ve put it together that Tess is involved behind the scenes, too, they’re even more eager to talk to one of their favourite grownups about it.

“I did know that,” Tessa tells him, nodding and smiling the whole time. “Our friend Patrick can do that. He’s got a few Olympic medals too,” she adds, nodding to where Patrick sits at the other end of the table, with Marie-France and Alma. Patrick waves back, clearly having heard his name but not much else.  

“That’s so awesome,” Max answers, sounding genuinely impressed. Scott’s impressed too, at how quickly they’ve absorbed everything in the last several days. They’ve been to the Gadbois rink several times and seen where Scott works and what he does - Christine has always put the Nationals and Worlds television broadcasts on for them and pointed out Daddy’s skating teams, even when they were still too young to fully understand what it was all about. But seeing everything at the big competition makes it different, more real.

“Daddy, can  _ you _ do that?” he asks next, leaning towards where Scott sits across from them. He pretends to ignore the laugh that both Tessa and Christine release simultaneously, then try to cover at the same time with coughing.

“No, buddy,” Scott says ruefully. “Daddy does a different kind of skating from Patrick and the other guys. Remember Mary and Sebastian? How they do dancing and skating at the same time?”

Max nods back, thinking. “Yeah, that’s okay too I guess,” he admits, and Tessa chuckles again before biting her lip. Next to him Christine studiously continues spreading butter on a piece of bread for Renée, a wry smile on her face as she lets Scott keep on responding.

“Well, thanks,” Scott says, chuckling. “Remember, though, they got a Gold medal for it this time,” he reminds Max. “You got to hold the Gold medal, remember?” It was only a few days ago, now, but to be honest Scott’s amazed the boys are still remembering what happened this morning, the days have been so full. He knows they’ve been completely crashing tired at night, falling asleep practically before he or Christine gets the pyjamas on them.

“Yeah!  _ That _ was cool.” He picks up his fork then and starts back in on his plate of spaghetti.

“Is there more skating tomorrow?” Aidan asks from Scott’s other side.

“No, no more figure skating, A, but we’ll check out some of the hockey, okay?”

“Okay!” he says.

“Coooolll,” Max agrees enthusiastically. Scott notices Christine turn and wink at him then.

“See? Future hockey player,” she says under her breath, like she’s said a few other times before. And the fact is she might just be right about that. Max has enjoyed trying ball hockey on the road with some of the kids on their street at home, and he’s always been a fast mover.  

Scott thinks of the two of them Aidan might actually take to skating more so than Max - he’s been less talkative about it but Christine always tells Scott how closely Aidan watches everything that happens on the ice. But both boys have been comfortable on the ice so far when they’ve taken them out for kids’ skates.

“We’ll see,” he says with a wink right back at her. He bumps his shoulder against hers. “That  _ would _ be pretty  _ cool _ ,” he admits, doing his best to repeat their son’s excited tone.

“I suppose we could give it at least another year or two before planning their Olympic careers. Maybe sign them up for some lessons first?” Christine says.

“Fine, if you insist,” he allows, smiling.

He watches Tessa and Max continuing to chat across the table, Renée getting her mother’s attention back on one side of him, and Aidan happily chatting away with him on the other. So many of his family and friends are here with him. He already can’t imagine what it will be like when they eventually go home again and he has to bring everyone back to reality. So for now he just enjoys where he is, surrounded by the people he cares about the most.  
  


*

On the second to last evening before they head back Scott meets up with Patrick for drinks. They take the time to catch up on everything else they haven’t already managed to talk about yet, including Patrick’s new skating club. He’s had things up and running fully for two years now, and has a good mix of novice and junior skaters, and a few at the seniors level so far.

“Looks like you’ve got a great operation happening, Chiddy. Did I hear that right that you’re even working on pairs programming, too?”

“Yeah, we might be. That’s new since you guys were up last,” he says, talking about when he and Tessa had come by for the holiday fundraiser show the previous winter. “I tried to get Eric on board but I think he’s looking at the Cricket Club instead.”

“Right, I remember him mentioning that,” Scott says. Eric had tried to nudge him towards Toronto as well, arguing that Tracy would be ready to find someone new for the dance program pretty soon, but Scott had said he was all right where he is for now.

“You should think about coming out and joining us,” Patrick says, setting down his pint glass. “Could be good timing, right? Olympic cycle is done, maybe the right time to think about transitions, next steps.”

“Ah, come on man, you know Montreal is home now. We’ve got a good thing going there, friends, family, everyone at the rink knows me.”

“Sure, but for how long?” Patrick nudges him. “You could strike out, set up a fresh program, raise the profile of the west coast talent. We could really use you.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” he says, taking a swig from his glass. “But it’s nice to be asked.”

“Just think about it, man, consider it an open offer. We’re good for now, but I’d like to have some options for all four programs,” he says. “And there’s no other first choice for me, you gotta know that.”

Scott smiles at him, grateful for his friend’s offer, and the honesty. “Okay, I’ll think about it. But that’s all I can promise right now. Just...let me wrap this cycle with these guys. And I’d have to talk it out with Christine and the kids.”

“Of course you would,” Patrick says, clearly brightening at the implication that Scott’s even considering it.

He tells Patrick he’ll think about it, that that’s the best answer he can give right now - maybe the best answer he can give for a little while yet. But he resolves to talk about it with Christine when they’re back home again. This would be a choice that affects their entire future, more so than anything else has since he’s been married to her. He can’t take the decision lightly and neither should she.

And as much as Scott had started to insist otherwise, he does start to let himself consider it - starting up a fresh program, a fresh future in a different city. Even as he feels so grateful to be going back home again with his family, to be wrapping up another four-year training cycle and catching a bit of a breather, he can’t help wondering what other possibilities could still be out there. He parts ways with Patrick and lets himself think about what the future could look like.  
  
  


* 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A death changes things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does involve a character death, so if that isn't something you're keen (or able) to read about right now it is totally OK to step away or come back later.
> 
> (I'm so, so sorry. It took me a while to let go of this character and this chapter turned out to be much harder to do than I thought).
> 
> (Thank you as always to my lovely beta readers).
> 
> (And thank you to all of you if you are still reading <3 I won't make you wait long for the next chapter.)

 

**** It takes a couple of weeks after getting back from the Olympics for things to return to a more normal pace of life. Scott’s had a lot of practice coming and going from intense events like this and so he’s mostly just glad to be home again, and Christine feels much the same way. It’s a bigger adjustment for Max and Aidan, coming back after their first big trip away from home - let alone all the excitement of being at the Olympics. And they’d gotten a lot of quality time with their grandmother, who they adore and never get as much time with as Scott would like. 

For several days they oscillate between being excited and keen on anything and everything, or cranky and on the verge of throwing tantrums over unpredictable things. And his sweet little Renée, who had gotten so much cozy time with Christine during their trip, seems glum that her mother isn’t always the first one to spend time with her now. In a lot of ways it feels to Scott like it did a couple of years ago, when they’d first brought Renée home from the hospital and the whole household had had to adjust to new daily patterns.

But eventually, they figure out their new normal again. Christine finds Max as many children’s books about hockey as she can, and he devours them over and over every night. Aidan starts asking more about trying skating again, too, and Scott makes time to take them out for family skates at the local rink before the summer takes over. He and Christine make plans to get them into proper skating lessons the next winter.

Renée still plays with her mementos she’s brought home with her - all the little flags, and a few stuffed animals bedecked in Canada colours. Christine buys her books of stickers with all the flags of the world and they become Renée’s new favourite thing. Little flag stickers start showing up on pieces of paper all around the house, and other things, too.

One day Scott’s at the rink, still sipping his coffee, when Patrice comes up behind him and peels an Italy flag off of the back of his jacket, asking if there’s something he should know about his coaching allegiances. Scott laughs, and Patrice tells him all about the things Billie Rose had been into when she was Renée’s age.

It’s the beginning of spring by the time Scott finally broaches the conversation he’s been meaning to have with Christine ever since the Olympics. Patrick’s nudged him again about the Vancouver idea, and Scott knows he’s not helping matters by delaying any longer.

On a Saturday morning in April he finds an opportunity once they’ve cleaned up after breakfast, the kids all happily playing and occupied in the living room. They sit with their coffees at the kitchen table, and he tells her about the conversations he’s had with Patrick, and the opportunity he’s been offered out west.

“Oh, wow,” Christine says, a few times. “That’s amazing, honey.”

“I know,” he agrees. “I don’t know what to tell him, though, it would be a pretty huge change.”

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” she says. “I didn’t know you were worrying about it.”

He knows she’s right to say that, of course. “I know, I should have brought it up before,” he admits, feeling guilty. “I guess I didn’t think I was actually seriously thinking about it, until...until I started thinking about it.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding and thinking. “So, you think we should do it? Move to Vancouver?” He thinks she sounds a little incredulous, maybe even nervous, and she’d be totally justified in feeling that way.

“That’s just it, Chris, I’m still not sure.” He pauses, shaking his head. “I mean, it would be pretty awesome to help start a new program somewhere. And I hardly get to work with Chiddy at all anymore, not for years and years. But it would be a big change.”

Christine’s nodding. “Vancouver would be amazing,” she admits. “God knows the weather would be warmer.” She looks around the kitchen, her gaze landing on the window and the yard outside. “But yeah, we’d just...we’d have to leave behind so much,” she says quietly. “The kids would all start new schools, and I’d have to find a new job. And Aunt Sarah’s here, and all our friends....” Her voice trails off as she looks back at him, clear blue eyes showing everything she’s trying to process.

He puts his hand on hers. “So it’s a ‘no,’ then,” he says, as though the decision has been made now.

“I’m not saying ‘no,’ exactly,” she says, squeezing his hand back. “I just need more time to think about it, too.”

He’s shaking his head. “If we’re not both ready to make the decision, then it’s not the right decision for us right now,” he says.

“Scott, let’s just consider it together for a little bit longer, okay? I’m catching up with you on this.”

“I know, Chris, and I’m so sorry, again, I-”

“It’s okay, Scott, really. It’s not like we haven’t had other stuff happening around here or anything else to think about.”

She’s right about that, too, he knows. Things were a bit hectic after Calgary, with getting the kids back to their routines, and both he and Christine returning to work. He spent a lot of time with Mary and Seb to help them figure out their next steps now that they had decided they were retiring from competition. And then life just got in the way, he supposes.

“Obviously, we’re not doing it if we don’t both agree, though,” Scott says. “That includes me, too.” If he’s being truthful he’s also not all the way keen on uprooting everything. He’d miss Montreal, and Patrice and Marie-France...and Tessa.

“What did Patrick tell you?” she asks.

“That it’s an open offer,” he says, although he knows he’s repeating himself now. “Any time, if I want. But there’s no pressure right away.”

“Okay, that’s good,” she nods. “So just tell him we need more time to think.”

“I will. He’ll understand, I know he will.”

Just then Aidan rushes in, insistent that it’s his turn to choose what show to watch and Max isn’t being fair. Scott stands up first, ready to intervene, and gives Christine’s hand one more squeeze.

She purses her lips in an air-kiss and he does the same, and then follows Aidan back to sort everything out.

 

*

A couple of months pass with no other change in the answer for either of them. It’s in the middle of his mother’s Canada Day barbeque back home when they return to it in a slightly different way.

It’s a sunny day, and the first day of a break from a scorching summer heat wave. People’s spirits are high, and there’s a big crowd this year. Scott steps away from the barbeque grill as his brother Charlie moves in to take his place. He sees Christine coming towards him, just leaving a conversation with Tessa and a few of his cousins.

“Hey, did you get something to eat yet?” she asks him, holding two drinks in her hands. He takes one of them from her and kisses her cheek.

“I got a burger earlier,” he says. “Might need a second in a minute. The kids, are they…” he looks around the big yard, trying to put eyes on them. He sees Max and Aidan running around in a small crowd with water guns.

“It would appear the boys are...learning the ways of water combat,” she observes. “Renée’s playing hide and seek with Tessa’s nieces, she  _ loves _ them.”

“Well, they  _ are _ practically grownups,” he jokes. Renée looks up to her brothers like crazy but she loves it when there are big girls to hang out with. “I hope they’re not leading her astray.”

“I think just to extra helpings of cookies so far,” Christine says. “Which I can’t blame them for, the food is crazy good this year.”

He follows her in that direction, thinking that he’s ready for the second burger sooner rather than later.

“So, Tessa was telling me your friend Eric has moved over to the Cricket Club program in Toronto,” she says.

“Yeah? I knew he was planning on it, just didn’t know when. That’s great, I’m glad he’s getting settled in there.” They reach the food table and he starts filing a plate.

“Yeah, that’s what she said, too. And she  _ also _ said he thought there might be an opening for you there, too, if you wanted one.”

Scott looks up from his plate, his burger half-assembled. “Really?” He’s mostly surprised at how interested she seems, after she’d been so reluctant to consider the Vancouver move. “What do you think about that?”

“Did you know they’d be interested in having you?” she asks.

He shrugs, answering half-yes and half-no. “Tracy’s told me for years she’d love me to take over,” he says. “It was always one of those things, like a ‘someday’ off in the distance. I never really took the time to consider it seriously. Next closest thing was the Vancouver conversation with Patrick,” he says. He shrugs again. “That pretty much brings us up to date.”

“Okay.” Christine takes of a sip of her drink and nods.

“Why, do you think we should think about it?” he asks. “I mean, it’d be a lot of the same changes if we went for Vancouver.”

“Maybe,” she says. “It would still be a big change but not nearly as much, in some ways. Robert and Paula are there,” she reasons, and it makes him stop to remember when the last time they saw Christine’s stepbrother and his wife. They’d come out to visit them in Montreal two Christmases ago, but not since. He makes a mental note to make sure they come for Thanksgiving this year, if he can help it. “People are always telling me how Ontario needs more teachers who speak French, so maybe finding a job wouldn’t be so bad?” she wonders out loud. “And your family would be practically just down the road,” she continues, “so we’d probably get to see them lots more. I know the kids would love that.”

“Wow, you’re really thinking about this,” he says, amazed. He looks around the yard again, at all the people and the activity going on around them. He has to admit she has a point.

“I’m just saying, if you wanted to consider it...I would, too.”

He finishes putting his plate together, nodding as he does. “You know, I think I like the sound of that.”

“Nothing final yet,” Christine says, putting out one hand on his arm. “I still think we should give it a year even if we went for it. Let the boys start their kindergarten in the fall, at least.”

“Yeah, agreed. And...I guess when we get home I need to call up Tracy and talk about a few things,” he says, suddenly all smiles. He laughs a little, incredulous.

“Good,” she answers. “Let me know how it goes.”

“The second I get off the phone,” he promises.

“Okay.” She breathes out a happy sigh, clearly glad to have talked it out. “I’m going to go check on the girls, make sure nothing’s ended in tears just yet.”

He squeezes her hand and lets her go, as Tess starts waving at him from her spot in the shade. He starts moving to join her, suddenly with a lot more to catch up about.

 

*

Fall arrives in a fantastic whirlwind of activity.

Scott and Christine send Max and Aidan off to their kindergarten class, and take about a thousand photos to mark the occasion. Each of them is all set with a brand new backpack and a ton of excitement about making new friends and doing new things. Renée heads back to daycare full time, and Christine throws herself into her own new school year with fresh enthusiasm after a summer full of sun and socializing.

The Gadbois crowd looks a little different this season, now that the Olympics are long past and the returning teams have settled into their training plans for the 2026-2027 year. Scott continues working closely with Anna and Ravi but keeps up his team coaching responsibilities with most of the skaters in some capacity.

With Marie-France and Patrice he talks out the idea of shifting to Toronto, although it’s not something he’s got a time frame on yet. They’re supportive, and excited at the idea of him changing gears and finding the next stage of his career. He’s mostly relieved that they’re not disappointed - but of course he could never disappoint them, which is something they take pains to remind him about.

Renée takes to drawing and colouring seemingly overnight, suddenly gravitating towards crayons and paper all the time. Christine clears more space for the little artwork table in the corner of their rec room, and Scott buys crayons and paper in nearly every variation he can find. And more stickers, too, just for good measure. He gets some for the boys, too, but it’s mostly Renée who’s drawn to them.

Scott smiles, watching her. At first he thinks it’s flags she’s drawing - or trying to, based on the blobs of colour and shapes she’s figuring out - just like the ones she’d collected at the Games in Calgary. He looks over each of them with her, sitting next to her at the little table and admiring her work. Sometimes he draws his own pictures with her. She sits with Aidan sometimes, too, watching with interest as he works away at different pages in his big kid colouring books.

“Our little artist,” Christine says, pinning up one of the more recent pictures on the fridge one evening. It’s the latest in a growing collection. “We’re gonna need more crayons soon.”

“I know,” Scott says. “I feel like the boys must have skipped this phase or something. Did they go on colouring jags like this at her age?” She’ll be three soon, and Scott tries to remember what the boys were into at that age. He wonders suddenly if it’s just something he missed out on. Or maybe Renée is some kind of colouring savant, he enjoys thinking to himself.

Christine thinks. “No, they liked it a bit. They still do,” she reminds him, and he thinks about the superhero colouring book that Aidan had immediately grabbed out of his hands when he’d come home the other day with a fresh batch of supplies. “I think maybe she’s just figuring out things she likes to do,” she says brightly.

“That’s awesome,” he says, looking at the pictures covering the fridge door. “It’s so awesome, right, Chris? Our kids are little people with hobbies, now.”

“I  _ know _ ,” she agrees. “It’s extremely awesome.”

“What else do we do about it?” he asks her, nudging her with his elbow. He feels like they’ve reached a new parenting level lately, where their kids are getting a bit older and figuring out their own personalities. Max and Aidan, too, they’re not just ‘the twins,’ but little people with their own independent streaks now.

“You mean besides signing them up for lessons and buying them infinite amounts of books and sports equipment and art supplies?” Christine says, wryly.

“Hah, point taken.” They have actually been doing quite a lot, he agrees.

“I say we just let them go with it,” she says, “as long as it’s not getting in the way of other real life stuff. This is what kids are supposed to do, right? Like, get obsessed with colouring, or dinosaurs, or being astronauts or whatever?”

Scott nods, smiling. “Yeah.” He pauses, looking over all the pictures on the fridge, next to the boys’ skating lessons schedule, and the preschool newsletter that they still send home in paper copies, and the family photos that they took in Calgary several months ago now. “You know, our kids are pretty cool people, Chris,” he says, feeling equal parts proud and excited.

“They really, really are,” she agrees, a delighted tone in her voice.

She lifts her hand then towards him and he does the same, high-fiving her and laughing along with her.

  
  


*

At Thanksgiving they fill their house with as many people as they can fit - Christine’s aunt Sarah, Robert and Paula, and Scott’s brother Charlie and his wife all come down this year. Tessa, too, flying solo for another year in a row. He’d thought she’d had a guy she was seeing over the summer, but perhaps it was just short lived. He notices Tessa and Christine in close conversation a few times throughout the evening, and that makes him glad.

Shortly after Thanksgiving Anna and Ravi return to practice with the largest possible smiles on their faces, and a sparkling ring on Anna’s left hand. Everyone at the rink congratulates them, which they accept happily. Scott thinks he’s never seen Anna blush so hard. He gives both of them enormous hugs and feels so happy for them. Tessa hugs them too, reassuring them that if they need any help she’s happy to be there for them, whatever they need - especially Anna, who smiles and nods sweetly. They’re a long way from setting a date, but they’ve decided to at least complete this next year of competition before actually tying the knot. Scott thinks they couldn’t have chosen a better time.

Tessa’s still dividing her time between the rink and B2ten, which seems to keep her very busy but also never bored. Scott loves working with her, still, and thinks being farther away from her is the only reason he can think of not to move somewhere else. And she tells him she sympathizes but hopes he makes the choice he wants - not the one that would necessarily be the easiest.

An exciting fall gives way to a busy, working winter, and life carries on.  
  


*

On a normal winter day at the beginning of February, three days after returning from Four Continents, Scott packs the kids up into the car to take them to school and preschool, and kisses Christine goodbye. It’s not the weekend yet, but they make plans to order in for dinner that night as a treat, and download a movie for the kids.  

Scott makes it to work an hour later - Christine doesn’t.

She’s a few blocks from her school when a driver runs a red light, swerves and skids on black ice before he can stop, and collides with the driver’s side of Christine’s car.

By the time Scott gets the call Christine has already been transported to the nearest hospital, in critical condition. He’ll learn later that she sustained significant internal injuries during the collision and had to be resuscitated once in the ambulance on the ride to the hospital.

He sees her once before she’s taken into surgery, and then waits numbly in shock for hours. With trembling fingers he messages a few people - Christine’s aunt, his parents, and Tessa. He writes to his neighbours to pick up the kids after school. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to tell the kids, he can’t fathom anything right now except that he needs to see his wife again.

It feels to Scott like someone else is doing all of this, that this can’t possibly be happening to him. Surely he’ll wake up and discover this was just a dream, that it’s all a terrible, terrible mistake.

Christine’s wheeled out of surgery and he’s allowed to sit with her. It’s quiet in the ICU room but for the beeping of the machines monitoring her and helping her breathe, and the purposeful strides of doctors and nurses moving around the hospital floor.

 

*

Tessa gets Scott’s message just as she’s about to go through security at the Montreal airport. She’s on her way to Toronto for her quarterly check-in with her fashion team, and the tote bag under her arm is filled with sketches, inspiration notes, and fabric samples.

When she reads the message she immediately gasps, stopped in her tracks. She reads the message over again several times as though the words might change if she reads them back one more time. A few people rush past her on their way to the security line, and then another one bumps her hard, momentarily jostling her out of her shock.

Finally she turns around and pulls at her rolling suitcase, hardly feeling her feet as she leaves the airport and makes her way to find a cab. She’s so disoriented it takes her three tries to give the address to the driver. She manages to message Sarah on her way to tell her she’s coming, and receives a grateful, terrified reply back. She also sees a message from Alma, letting her know they’re getting a flight out as soon as they can and are hoping to arrive in a few hours.

Tessa watches the lights of the city get closer as the cab gets farther and farther down the highway. She clutches at her phone, feels her hands shaking gently.

All she can think about is how she and Christine are supposed to meet Anna next weekend to look at wedding dresses. About last weekend when she and Christine had met to go skiing together and had to cut it short when the weather started to turn at the last minute. Then she thinks about Scott and has to catch her breath, puts her head in her hands as a shudder passes through her and tears prick at her eyes. Christine has to survive this, she just  _ has _ to.

When she gets to Scott’s house Sarah answers the door quickly. She’s got her phone in one hand and a rosary in the other.

Tessa drops her suitcase and the two women clutch hands, shaking. “The kids?” Tessa asks first.

“In the rec room,” Sarah says, swallowing hard. “They know...some of what’s happening. I wasn’t sure how much to tell them, not until we know for sure. I ordered pizza, and found them some movies, and told them it’s our job to look after each other until we hear from Daddy again-”

Her voice breaks then and Tessa throws her arms around her. They stand there in the front hallway and hold each other for a long moment.

“Okay, then I can help do that,” Tessa says, trying and failing not to sound as shattered as she feels.

 

*

A couple of hours after her surgery, Christine opens her eyes. Scott leans in close right away, grasping one of her hands in his. He feels her squeeze back and for a moment his heart soars. Just as quickly he’s brought down to earth by the look in her eyes - terrified and disoriented - but he can tell she knows him, and understands what’s happening.

“I’m here, Chris, it’s me. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. I love you sweetheart, I’m here.”

He keeps on talking to her as he strokes her hair, tells her the kids are fine, that she’s in the hospital, that it’s going to be okay. He tells her he loves her, and that he’s not leaving her.

After a few minutes her eyes drift shut again.  
  


*

The next morning Alma and Joe are with Sarah and Tessa when they bring the children to the hospital. Scott’s talked to them on the phone to tell them what’s happening, that Mommy was in a bad accident and the doctors are helping her, but right now she’s asleep and they don’t know when she’s going to wake up again.

They’re already crying by the time Scott takes them over to Christine’s bed, and so is he. All of them are confused, angry, and scared, and while he has enough strength to be honest with his children and try to comfort them, he hasn’t any left to hide what he’s feeling on top of everything else. He isn’t ready to lose his wife, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to let his children lose their mother.

He holds them close and encourages them to talk to Christine. They touch her hand, tell her they love her and they hope she wakes up soon.

They leave an hour later, crying. Alma goes back with the kids and Joe stays with Scott, one arm around his shoulders as they sit quietly, hoping and waiting.

Three hours after that, Christine’s heart stops for good.  
  


*

A few days later, they hold the funeral.

The day passes in a blur, just as the last several days have.

There’s a part of Scott that still doesn’t believe his wife is gone, that she isn’t just coming home after having been away on a long trip. The part of him that has started to realize the truth of what’s happening is the same part that aches, feels sick deep inside at the very idea of how he’ll keep going.

If it weren’t for his family he knows he wouldn’t even be standing upright right now, and the funeral and reception he’s currently in the middle of wouldn’t have come together. His parents, his brothers, Christine’s aunt and stepbrother, even some of Tessa’s family have all been surrounding him this last week. His mother and father haven’t said yet when they’re planning to leave, and he hasn’t had the guts to ask them. He’s needed his mother’s arms more than he realized.

And Tessa, always Tessa. She’s held him up today and this entire last week, so many times he can’t even begin to count.

He and the kids, he realizes.  _ God, his kids. _

Renée has hardly left his side today - the whole week, really - her little arms clutching at his knee, pressing herself into his side, as though she could hide herself under the edge of his jacket. Eventually he picks her up and just carries her, lets her bury her face into his shoulder, wrap her arms around his neck. He only needs one hand free to shake hands anyhow.

Scott drifts through the house, nodding as people come up to him and taking the hands they stretch out to him. There so many people here for Christine, more so than he thinks he realized were in both their lives. He recognizes people from her work, and other parents from the boys’ school, amidst more familiar faces from his skating world. Everyone’s here to support him and remember her. He holds his daughter close and tries hard not to break down.

Glancing around the crowd, he eventually spots Tessa, perched at the top of the stairs to the second floor. The boys are pressed next to her on either side, a plate of cookies untouched on the step by her  feet. She’s got her arms around both of them. 

He can tell they’ve been crying, and so has she, though he suspects she’s been doing a much better job of reeling herself in.

Tessa catches his gaze just then, holding it for a moment before offering him a faint smile.

_ Thank you _ , he mouths. 

_ You okay? _ she returns back.

He can only pause again, wordless. He gazes back at his two boys, runs one hand down his daughter’s back where she’s wrapped tight in his arms. Blinking, he only repeats his  _ thank you _ , and drifts back into the crowd.  

 

*

Tessa stays. She’d stayed to help Alma make arrangements for the reception at Scott’s house, she’d hovered in the back of the crowd and made sure people were eating. She’d noticed when Max and Aidan snuck off away from the endless sympathetic stares from so many people they only half-recognize. She’d filled a plate with their favourite chocolate cookies and sat quietly with them at the top of the stairs, waiting for the guests to leave and their dad to be released back to them.

She stays and helps the other women clear plates and glasses once the crowd clears. She packs up leftovers into plastic containers and cling wrap, helping Alma put aside a plate with just the sandwiches she knows Scott and the kids like best.

She stays long enough to watch it grow dark outside and then darker still, the house nearly silent compared to the commotion of earlier. Her mother and sister are lingering to take her back home but she can’t leave without saying goodbye to Scott first.

She discovers him upstairs, still dressed, on top of the covers in his bed with all three children around him, all of them asleep.

For a moment she just waits in the doorway, her heart so, so, heavy. Silently she steps into the room and pulls blankets from the end of the bed and the armchair, covering them all up carefully. She resists the urge to run her hand over them, to touch a kiss to their cheeks. Scott’s face is almost restful like this.

She returns downstairs where her mother and sister are waiting for her, her coat ready in their hands. Kate drives them all back home to Tessa’s. In the car they exchange a few comments about the service, about Scott and Christine’s family and who was in the crowd, and then after a while simply fall into silence.

Tessa feels so useless now, leaving Scott behind, even though she knows he’s surrounded by people who care about him. And she grieves still more for the friend she’s lost; the kind, funny, generous woman she’ll never get to see or talk to ever again. She spends the rest of the drive with her head in one hand and tears in her eyes, Jordan clasping her other hand from the back seat.

Back at her place Tessa kicks off her shoes and drifts to her room, mumbling something about changing her clothes. Her black suit dress feels stiff and false now, like a terrible over-worn costume. She hangs it up in the back of her closet, reaching for the same sweater and leggings she’d left draped over a chair that morning.

She emerges to find Jordan and Kate have done the same thing, shed their dresses and makeup from earlier in favour of comfort. They open a bottle of wine and gather together in Tessa’s living room.

Tessa holds her wine for a moment, but doesn’t bother taking a sip before letting the glass sit on the coffee table in front of her. Then Tessa turns to her mother and lets Kate put her arms around her, and weeps.

 

*

The next day Tessa takes her mother and sister for breakfast before they head back to the airport. She can tell they feel awkward leaving again so soon, but their regular lives are waiting for them, and they know Scott’s well surrounded by family members right now.

“You’ll check in on him, won’t you Tess?” Her mother squeezes Tessa’s hand as she’s helping them unload suitcases at the airport drop-off.

“You know I will, Mom.” She swallows against the lump in her throat, but it doesn’t go away.

“Alma and Joe are staying a few more days I think, but it still doesn’t hurt…”

“I know, Mom, don’t worry. Whatever they need.” There are tears at the corner of her eyes again. Tessa wonders how there can still be more. She’s cried so many times in the last week she’s lost count. She hugs them goodbye, tightly, and makes her way home again feeling more lonely than ever.

Returning home to her empty apartment, she spends a couple of hours with her laptop, trying and failing to return her mind back to the work she’s been neglecting. She finds her mind drifting towards Scott and the kids, worrying for them and wondering how they are.

She messages him a few times, quick and supportive, not expecting a reply back.  _ ‘Call me if you need anything,’ _ she offers.  _ ‘You or the kids.’ _

_ ‘Thanks, T. I will,’ _ he answers after a while, and that’s enough for her, for now.

Eventually the silence of her own apartment is too much and she puts on fresh clothes, dashes on some makeup, and takes herself out to dinner. She brings a book with her and manages to absorb a few pages of it as she eats. She finishes her glass of wine too quickly and orders a second, but pushes it aside before she’s finished half of it.

She can’t help but feel adrift and vaguely useless, grieving for Scott and not knowing what to do about it; Feeling her own anger and loss over Christine’s death; Knowing she’s done what she can do for all of them and still needing to just let this process happen at its own pace.

The wine has warmed her but she’s still too much in her own thoughts for her liking, and she needs more of a distraction than what she’s capable of accomplishing all on her own. Walking slowly back to her apartment she suddenly can’t face the idea of sitting in it by herself, of going to bed alone.

_ Oh, hell with it _ , she decides as she walks, pulling her phone out of her coat pocket and bringing up the dating app. She swipes through the recent contacts and taps out a message to a guy she went out with a month ago - Steven, a perfectly normal and good-looking, if a little self-absorbed, guy she had entirely assumed she’d never see again. She thinks she remembers him being a stock broker or something like that. Truthfully she only cares about whether he’ll message her back in the time it takes for her to get back to her apartment.

She’s almost back to her place when her phone buzzes with his reply. For a split second she reconsiders, but then turns around just as quickly and hails a cab.

When she gets there he’s nice to her - more nice than she feels she deserves, knowing in the back of her mind exactly what this night is to her. He offers her a drink, which she accepts. They’re on the couch a matter of minutes before she presses her mouth over his. She knows that if the conversation that's truly inside her starts, she might not stop it, and there’s too much emotion coursing through her for that right now.

Right now she only wants to feel someone’s touch, someone’s strong hands on her, someone’s mouth on hers, on her skin. He seems to get it and goes along with her insistence, taking her to his bed and making quick work of undressing her.

She closes her eyes as he buries himself in her, lying back and moving her hips against his - slowly at first, then more rapidly as she realizes he’s not going to get her there as fast as she needs. After a few minutes she pushes against his shoulder, squeezing her legs around him and flipping them, a satisfied groan leaving her at the change in position. She catches a glimpse of his expression and closes her eyes against it - it’s too admiring, too much on the verge of being comforting, when what she wants most right now is to forget anything she or anyone else is feeling.

When she helps herself towards her release it’s almost a blessing she’d nearly forgotten about his, but it doesn’t matter for long, and he follows her quickly.

She lets herself lay next to him, feeling his hand brushing against her back, his lips on her cheek and forehead. Some time later she wakes him with her body, and this time she lets him set the pace. She comes with a gasping cry, tears filling at the corner of her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.

Tessa leaves in the grey hours of the morning, Steven still asleep in his bed.

A few nights later she calls him once more, and then doesn’t call him again after that.

 

*

A week after the funeral Tessa visits Scott’s home again, several bags in hand. She’d been by a few days ago and wished she’d come again sooner. Alma and Joe had left the day before, and while Tessa knows Scott doesn’t exactly need twenty-four-hour coverage, there’s a part of  _ her _ that needs him to have it anyway. His brothers and their families already headed back home a couple of days ago, and she wonders how the kids are adjusting to the relative quiet.

She hugs him tightly, still inside the front hall, still bundled up in her coat and scarf.

“Hey, kiddo,” he exhales into her shoulder.

“Hey, you.” She doesn’t need to ask how he’s doing. She can see that he’s keeping it together, more so than a week ago, but there’s a lot still below the surface. By the funeral it seemed like the shock had finally worn away, but a mixture of so many other things had taken its place. “I brought food,” she says when he releases her a moment later. “From the Italian place, the one the kids liked before?”

“Oh, they’re gonna love that.” He takes the bags from her and they wind their way towards the kitchen. She unwraps her scarf and coat before discarding them on a chair. “It’s been a lot of sandwiches lately. Well, except for Mom’s cooking. Plus people keep dropping by with cakes and cookies. I should probably be a little worried how much the kids have been spoiled lately, but I just can’t.”

“Don’t be,” she says. “If it makes some things a little easier I don’t see the harm.”  _ And it gives the grown-ups something to do in this terrible, horrible situation _ , she thinks to herself.

“That’s what Mom says, too.” He pauses for a second, like there’s much more that answer. He stops short of continuing, though, as footsteps slowly appear from the rec room.

“Tess!” The boys run for her immediately, hugging her around the waist before grasping for her hands. She bends and presses kisses to the tops of their head. They’re five and a half now, and it’s getting easier to do that. “I brought some treats, your dad said it’s ok.” The pair of blond heads swivel towards Scott. 

“I don’t think it’s quite time for dinner yet, but this other bag has something that looks an awful lot like comic books in it.” He cocks an eyebrow towards Tessa for dramatic effect, handing the bag over to the boys. They reach for it excitedly, still a hint of shyness about their movements that makes her heart glad somehow.  _ Christine would remind them to say thank you _ , she thinks.

Then, the two look back at Tessa and do just that. She glances back at Scott and all of a sudden his expression looks like he’s about to break.

“You’re very welcome. Where’s your sister?” she asks the boys, swallowing down the lump in her throat.

“Upstairs,” says Max, pawing through the bag. “Oh, new markers!” He pulls out the fresh pack and shows Aidan, who inspects them.

“These are the best ones! The red one lasts forever-”

“-Gramma brought some too but then Renée used up the blue and purple already-”

“-Mommy likes purple too-”

“-Gramma said we should draw her lots of pictures, she likes our pictures-”

“-but then Renée didn’t want to anymore-”

“-and Uncle Charlie brought a train set!”

“A train set?” Tessa interjects, blinking. She supposes food isn’t the only kind of comfort people lean on in these times.

“Oh, it’s huge, it takes up half the rec room,” Scott confirms, clearing his throat. “You guys go show Tess, okay? Your sister’s probably done with her nap soon and then we’ll eat.”

The boys each take one of her hands and start to lead her. Scott rests a hand on her shoulder and nods. “I’ll keep the food warm, be there in a few minutes ok?”

“Of course, take your time.” She presses a kiss to his cheek. “I have nowhere else to be.”  
  


*

The boys spend an hour showing her their trains, alternately chattering about the toys or their colouring or something else that someone else has brought them. Sometimes it turns into bickering, and she tries to intervene gently but firmly. At one point Aidan tries to stop it, pointing out that “Mommy doesn’t like it when we fight,” and Tessa swallows hard. She has no answers for them, for any of it.

Mostly she tries to keep up with them, does a lot of listening and sometimes asks questions. For the millionth time she wonders how Scott is managing all of this.

Eventually the three of them look through one of the comic books she brought over, and things get a bit more calm. Max brings over another new book and they read it together too, one of them resting at each side. Aidan then follows with another one, this one more dog eared. While she holds the book, their hands wrap around her arms, their heads leaning against her shoulders.

It’s almost dark outside by the time Scott comes in, a sleepy looking Renée in his arms, one of her hands clasped in her dad’s. “Dinner’s ready, guys, how about it?”

“But we’re not done the book yet!” Aidan protests.

Tessa makes note of the page. “We can come back to it after dinner, hmm? Maybe for bedtime?”

“And I think someone’s favourite garlic bread might get cold if we leave it on the table much longer,” Scott adds with a knowing look at both of them. Renée’s expression lights up a bit, too. Clearly the food had been the right choice.

The meal passes calmly, the kids finish most of their portions. Tessa notices Scott spends more attention making sure the kids eat than he does to his own plate, and tries to nudge him about it.

After dinner they spend a bit of time back in the rec room, checking out the train set again. A little while later Scott rallies them all to get their pyjamas on. Renée takes a while longer with him, so Tessa takes the boys back downstairs, helps them pick up their toys (well, some of them). They return to the book half-finished from earlier, along with a few more stories, and settle on the big couch in the living room.

Scott joins them again, having gotten Renée down, and eventually the boys’ eyes start drooping too. Tessa gives them goodnight hugs and promises she’ll see them again soon. She wonders if tomorrow is too soon.

Then it’s quiet again, just her all alone in the living room. She feels suddenly tired herself, but can’t bear the idea of sitting still. She moves around the living room putting books back in their piles, markers and coloured pencils back in their boxes.

Eventually she makes it back to the kitchen and surveys the remnants of dinner. She scrapes plates and puts the cartons in the trash. She loads the plates into the dishwasher and then notices there’s a few pots and pans still in the sink. As she’s filling the sink with soapy water Scott comes in, fatigued surprise on his face.

“Tess, you don’t have to do all that,” he protests, joining her at the sink.

“Don’t be silly, it’s nothing.”

“Here, let me do that, you can dry.”

She does as instructed, pulling a dishtowel from a drawer. “Everyone asleep?”

“Yeah. Sometimes it takes a while. I didn’t know if Renée would go down as easily since she napped so much today, but she was all right. The boys were actually really tired too, they were just being talkative tonight.” He lets out a breath. “Sometimes I get them in bed and they just want to talk more, I don’t know if they’re stalling or just trying to process stuff.”

“Probably a bit of both,” she offers. He sets a clean pan on the drying rack and she picks it up.

“Sometimes there’s crying and shouting, too,” he says. “A bit less now, but it's there. You missed a doozy this morning.”

“I’m guessing that’s probably to be expected, too,” she offers, quite frankly surprised she hasn’t seen more of that from Scott, if she’s being honest. He’s got to be so torn up right now, adjusting to all of this at once. She's amazed that they’re managing any semblance of normal life right now.

“The counsellor said sometimes kids are like that, with grief," Scott says. "Up and down. But expressing themselves can help them get through it easier, too, if they can talk it out and feel safe communicating what they’re thinking and feeling.”

“I can see that,” she says, thinking about the playroom chatter from earlier. “Does Renée talk more at all?”

He shakes his head. “Most of the time she’s still quiet. I’m trying to work on it, Mom was too for while she was here. But sometimes I’ll go and get her from her nap and she’ll be wide awake, and she’ll talk to me then. Today she was like that.”

“That’s good.”

“I hope so. Every day is a bit different.”

“The holding hands thing, is that something new too?”

“You noticed that?” He asks, pausing in his scrubbing. She nods and he continues. “Yeah, just the last week or so, mostly since…since the funeral.”

She’d noticed it with the boys, and how Renée had stayed close to Scott most of the time she’d been up. Now that she thinks about it, half the reason Scott had been slower to eat was he’d had one hand holding his daughter’s much of the time. “Maybe it’s for comfort? Like a security blanket sort of thing?”

“Sort of. It took me a couple of days to realize what it was. I think it’s because…Well, they know how Christine died, and…” He stops for a moment.

Tessa puts down the dishtowel. “Scott?”

“I think it’s because, well, Chris was always so firm with them when they were learning about crossing the street. She always made sure they practiced looking both ways for cars, and to...to hold her hand when they crossed.”

Tessa’s mouth drops open a little, but no answer comes. She inhales another breath, her hand coming to squeeze his shoulder. “Oh, Scott.”

“And it was okay for a while when mom and dad were here, and the others, but now it’s just me, and…” His voice is ragged now. He lets go of the pan and scrubber, gripping the edge of the sink. “I’ve only got two hands and I can’t hold all of theirs every time they need it. I’ve got to let them get back to school next week and I’m not going to be able to be there for them all the time, and I won’t know all the time if they’re okay…”

There are tears running down his face now and Tessa just pulls him close, wraps her arms around him. She feels his arms gradually wrap right back around her, his head buried against her shoulder as his body shudders in her arms.

She holds him and lets him weep, her heart breaking for him all over again like it has every day for the last two weeks.

“They’re going to make it through this, Scott. They will. They’re good kids, you and Christine made sure of that,” she says through tears of her own. “They’re going to make it, and so will you. Okay?”

She feels him nod against her shoulder, feels his breathing start to steady. Pulling back, she puts both hands on his face, her thumbs brushing away some of the tears on his cheeks.

“And until then, we’ll hold hands, okay? We can do that,” she nods.

Eventually he nods back, taking both of her hands in his.

 

*


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott adjusts to his new normal, and Tessa makes some big decisions.

 

A week and a half after the funeral, Scott brings the kids back to school - Max and Aidan to their kindergarten class, Renée back to her daycare. He’s promised them several times that he’ll be there right on time for pickup, and talked to them about how important it is to talk to their teachers about anything if they feel sad or uncomfortable. He helps them get their backpacks ready the night before and makes their lunches with them in the morning.

Every day for the last couple of weeks has felt like the hardest one yet, but there’s a special kind of terror that fills him this morning. He’s leaving his kids behind for their first time back at school when they won’t be seeing their mother at the end of the day. And if he’s being honest with himself, there’s a part of him that’s terrified about returning to normal life on his own. The last couple of weeks have been a struggle in so many ways. The only thing that’s made it even a little bit easier is being able to be there for his kids, in every single way they could need him. He’s needed to hold onto them as much as they’ve been holding onto him.

Scott drops off the boys first, gives them both big hugs which they accept - sometimes they wouldn’t want to be hugged goodbye, he remembers from before, it wasn’t cool or something like that - and he watches them join their classroom line, next to each other. Renée waves at them, next to Scott with her hand in his. He sees the boys’ teacher and nods, and then she comes over and shakes his hand.  _ Mrs. Ling _ , he remembers.  _ Laura _ .

He remembers now Christine had commented on what a great name their teacher had. They’d met her at the parent-teacher day back in the fall and then again at the Christmas concert.

“Mr. Moir, we’re all so, so sorry for your loss,” Laura tells him right away. He thinks she’s holding back some tears as she speaks with him, and realizes he’s going to have to get used to that for a little while, still. “If there’s anything at all we can do please let us know.” She looks down at Renée and waves, and his daughter smiles and waves back shyly.

Scott smiles briefly. “Thank you, I appreciate that. We’re all doing a lot of adjusting right now.”

Laura nods. “Of course you are. Max and Aidan are in good hands, we’ll make sure they have space if they need to talk about anything.” He’d already spoken to the principal and how they had a counsellor from the Board available to come in if they needed. Scott had thanked her and said to please just let him know how the boys were doing this week and they would go from there.

“Right now I’m just hoping it will be good for them to be getting back to some normal things,” he says. “That they know they still have school, and their friends, and get to read and run around and play and everything.”

Laura nods right away. “Of course. All of that’s still here,” she smiles. She’s speaking in that purposeful, reassuring tone he associates with teachers - the same tone he’d heard in Christine’s voice so many times. He finds it comforting now.

A few minutes later he walks Renée over to her preschool next door, taking extra care to talk through everything again and reminding her he’ll be there at the end of the day. He repeats a similar conversation with Renée’s teacher as the one he had with the boys’. Renée’s teacher takes her hand, and Scott watches as she helps her put away her belongings and then join the rest of the group. He remembers Renée has a few friends in her class and he watches in relief as she kneels close to a couple of the others, their little arms welcoming her back.

It’s harder than he realized it would be to turn around and walk back to the car. When he gets there he sits behind the wheel for a moment and takes a deep breath, and then another. And then he does the only other thing he knows he needs to do that day, and drives to his therapist’s office.

 

*

Not too long after getting the kids back to school, Scott returns to work. He knows Patrice and Marie-France and everyone there had reassured him to take all the time he needed before coming back, and he’s been grateful for that. But now that his kids are starting to figure out some of their regular lives again, he knows he has to do the same thing. And truthfully, he needs to be reminded that the work is still there, and still continuing in some way even if his attention to it isn't quite back to where it was before.

They’re only a couple of weeks away from Worlds in Salt Lake City in the middle of March. Scott already knows he’ll be stepping aside and not attending himself. He can’t face the thought leaving his kids for a week right now, nor the idea of packing them up to travel with him just yet - he can't tell for sure when he will be able to, if he’s being honest. But he still wants to make sure he does what he can for his skaters in the time that’s left.

Scott’s surprised at how it feels like years since he was last at Gadbois. When he arrives he discovers Tessa there already, working beside Marie-France with a few of the senior teams. He stops and thinks about what day of the week it is, thinking that this isn’t one of Tessa’s usual days to be here, but who knows what else might have changed in the last few weeks.

He gets closer to the ice and nods at the others, who notice him right away. By the time he sets down his things everyone is skating towards him. He’s hugged by everyone in turn - Anna grasps him especially tightly, and he can tell she’s on the verge of tears but very glad to see him. Marie-France and Patrice hug him together, wordlessly supportive.

“We’re glad to see you,” Patrice says eventually, a reassuring hand at Scott’s shoulder. “Your presence is hard to replace,” he says, although Scott can tell from his tone that they’ve been making their best efforts to try. He smiles back easily, grateful that none of them are trying to make him feel like he shouldn’t be here, like they have to treat him with kid gloves on.

Tessa hangs back until the others have had their moment and then steps up next to him on the other side of the boards, taking her turn to put her arms around him. It’s only been a few days since he saw her last - she’d come by with dinner last Saturday and played games with the kids.

“It’s good to see you,” she says simply when they part. “These guys have missed you,” she nods to the cluster of skaters on the ice, now milling around and re-grouping. He sees Patrice glancing back occasionally and he nods at him again.

“What’s up for today?” he asks, feeling strangely like he’s interrupting something already in progress.

“Right now mostly fine tuning some things, some of them have been working on Marie’s notes from Four Continents,” Tessa explains. “And Anna and Ravi want some time later to work on lifts, Patrice was going to focus on that with them. They’re hoping for the podium this year...but then, I’m sure you know that,” she says, blushing a little in hesitation, realizing she’s probably talking to him like he’s forgotten everything. Four Continents had been the last coaching trip he’d been on before Christine’s death.

Scott squeezes her arm, smiling back. “That’s been the game plan this season,” he agrees. “Getting the Canadian title this year was a real boost.” He thinks back to January, how it seems so, so far away now. Christine and the kids had joined him for a few days in Quebec City for Nationals this time since it was so close. The boys had been a little bummed it wasn’t as exciting as the Olympics had been the year before, but Renée being a year older made it easier for her to pay attention a little more closely. She’d come home talking about the sparkly dresses the women skaters had worn.

He swallows, and clears his throat. “How about the others?” he asks.

Tessa offers him a kind look - if a little tired, he thinks - and he’s grateful she doesn’t press any further about what he’s thinking. She looks back towards the ice and starts listing off a little of what each of the teams are working on, who’s confirmed for Worlds and who’s expecting to rank where.

After a few minutes of listening and nodding and absorbing, it dawns on him just how much she’s able to report on, and what that means for the amount of time she must be spending here.

“Tess, why do I get the feeling you’ve been holding out on me?” He nudges her with his elbow, a wry look on his face.

She looks back at him slightly hesitant. “All right, yes, I have been spending more time here lately.”

“How much time?” he asks?”

“Three...four days each week? Just a little pinch-hitting,” she says.

“ _ Tess _ ,” he reacts, surprised she hadn’t mentioned it before. “I wish you’d said something.” No wonder she seems a little fatigued. If she’s been lending more hours here and still trying to keep up with her own work he’s amazed she’s pulling it all off. And of course she hadn’t said anything, of course she’d just gone ahead and not bothered him until she knew he was ready. He lets out a breath, putting a hand out to rest on her shoulder. She nudges up next to him so they’re side by side.

Tessa shakes her head. “I know. I should have. I just didn’t want to bother you about it until you were ready to come back,” she says, offering another gentle smile. “And you’re back now,” she adds with a shrug.

“I’m glad to be,” he admits. “I still feel like I have a lot to catch up on, Nationals feels so far away, like it happened in another universe,” he says. And it a lot of ways, it  _ did _ . He’s living in a different world now.

“I know,” she says quietly.

He puts his arm around her, then, and she puts one of hers around his waist. For a couple of minutes he just stands silently next to her, absorbing his surroundings and remembering all the reasons he’s here. He breathes in the familiar chill of the ice, takes in all the sounds of the blades moving around, the chatter of voices.

Later, Scott will look back on those months and remember it as a time when he was never alone. Alongside the grief and confusion, and moments of anger and sadness that would strike almost without warning...he was never alone. He’ll realize how Patrice or someone else was always there nearby at the rink, ready to talk if he needed to. And how at home he always had his children with him. And he’ll discover how many people were working to support him without him fully knowing what they were doing until much, much later. And Tessa was there for him, always.

Next to the ice, Tessa turns to him after a moment, smiling easily. “You ready?”

He gives her shoulder one final squeeze. “Ready.”

  
  


*

As the month of March arrives things start to feel a little more normal, if still a little strange.

Max and Aidan have their moments - they’re smart and kind and eager, but there are also fights and outbursts that still take Scott by surprise sometimes. But they work through them, and there are still hugs at the end of the day, and Scott always talks things out with them and listens to them. Truthfully, he feels a lot of their same anger and grief in himself, too, and he spends a lot of time talking to his therapist, working through it.

Eventually even Renée starts to come out of her shell bit by bit - his bright, empathetic, beautiful girl starts coming home with stories to tell him, and new friendships she’s made. Suddenly she’s full of words all the time, and it’s like his world is brand new again.

He wishes, every day, that Chris was there to see them. He misses waking up with her in the morning, and talking to her at the end of the day. He misses and wishes so, so many things.

His little family is not living in the same world they were before, that much he knows. But he starts thinking that as long as they have each other, they might figure out this new world together, and they’ll be okay.

 

*

A few days before the Gadbois teams leave for Worlds Tessa and Scott follow their training session with a long coffee meeting at a nearby cafe. She’ll be accompanying Patrice and Marie-France and the others to Salt Lake City, and they talk through all the final prep they’ve been working on, what they should watch for, and so on. She’s not  _ exactly _ taking Scott’s place, but essentially she is going in his stead, she knows.

“The step sequences are looking good, Scott,” she tells him as they’re coming to the end of notes for Anna and Ravi. “I’ve been watching them, they’ve really been working at it.”

“I agree,” he says. “It’s been a constructive season for them, they’ve really progressed a lot,” he adds, a thoughtful look on his face.

Tessa puts down her pen on top of her notebook and takes a sip of her coffee. “So, they’re hoping for bronze,” she says, a measured tone in her voice. She and Scott have talked about this a few times. It’s not out of reach, she knows, based on the scores they’ve put up for their events this past season. The young team have put up a range of finishes from sixth to second. And they had made it to bronze at Four Continents, just three points behind the second place team.

“Yeah,” Scott says, letting out a breath. “That might be a close one to call.”

“That’s what I think, too,” Tessa admits, “and I think they know it’s a possibility that it might not happen.”

Scott shakes his head. “They’ve had a lot of moments like this the last few years - they were always just behind Mary and Sebastian, and then always just out of the top five in the international events.” He puts both hands around his coffee. “This year we were expecting the field to look different, open up a bit.”

“And it has,” Tessa says. The top teams from France and Russia have also moved on, but there have been some newer Italian, American, and German teams rising quickly. It’s such a hard position for them be in, and a lot of pressure to put on themselves.

He nods slowly, still looking like he’s lost in thought. “They can do it,” he says eventually, decisively. “Hell, they  _ have _ done it,” he says, referring to their silver performance at Four Continents. “But it’s not just about how they skate, it’s about how everyone else skates, too,” he adds, stating the obvious.

Tessa thinks some more. “Are they worried about their style?” she considers. She knows they’ve been making efforts to improve their technical skills - ever since they’d started preparing for the Olympic team a couple of years ago, in fact. But since their Olympic debut last year had cemented their reputation as a team with a classically romantic style, they’d been trying to take a more modern approach this year. Tessa wonders if they’re trying too hard to hard to mimic Mary and Sebastian, whose avant-garde programs had worked well for them in their last year of competition.

“It could be that,” Scott says. “The audiences really connected with their romantic routines last year, it could be harder for them if they don’t have the crowd on their side this time.”

They both sip their coffee, thinking their thoughts. In her mind she’s going over everything she’s learned from working with them more intensively in the last month, and everything she knows about their season so far. And then, a thought occurs to her.

“It’s still just a year since the last Olympics, though,” Tessa says. “If they’re already thinking about the next Games they’ve still got so much time to go,” she reasons. “Is there some particular pressure they’re feeling about this year?” Their wedding is coming up in the summer, obviously, but they’ve said nothing to her about wanting to leave competition after they’re married.

Scott nods again, letting out a breath. “Well...back in the fall I’d talked to them about the possibility that this would be my last season coaching out of Montreal,” he tells her. “And at least in the New Year they hadn’t decided yet whether they want to move with me or not, if I did leave.”

Tessa pauses for a second, genuinely surprised that she hadn’t guessed that herself. Anna and Ravi have worked with Scott in one way or another for more than eight years, now, and probably want to do their best while they’ve got him on their team. And of course Tessa had been around last year when Scott was thinking about the move to the Cricket Club, had even heard Anna and Ravi talking about it out loud, about the possibility of moving to Toronto when Scott did. It makes so much sense, then, that they’d be trying for the best finish possible, not knowing if it will be their last season with Scott.

But then...But then Christine died. And Scott’s world had come to a halt as he adjusted and figured out what his life looked like now. She looks over at Scott, slowly sipping his coffee and still looking deep in thought.

“Is the Toronto move still on the table?” she asks. She has to ask, she realizes now. Probably there was a part of her mind that wanted to ask him, weeks ago, but hadn’t dared to, knowing everything else he was dealing with.

He sets down his coffee. “I don’t know,” he says, and she can tell he’s being genuine. “I think...I think maybe it is, it would still be a great move for me, career-wise. And Tracy’s been amazing so far, talking out the options with me.”

Tessa nods. “It would be great,” she agrees.

“But...the kids are still figuring out what the new normal looks like, I don’t want to disrupt any of that just yet. Their school is here, and their great-aunt, and all their little friends...and you,” he says finally, looking back at her with a kind expression. She smiles back at him, understanding. He shakes his head then. “I think I’d need at least another year, to make sure it’ll work. And to get the kids used to the idea”

“Okay,” she nods. Admittedly part of her is glad, hearing him say that. She’d been as much on his side as anyone else when it looked like the Cricket Club was opening up the next opportunity for his coaching career. And the experience he’s gained from working under Patrice and Marie-France has been so amazing. She knows without a doubt he’s ready to strike out and lead his own program - he’s probably overdue for it, actually.

But she also knows she’ll miss him, when he goes. Even if it’s just to Toronto and not halfway around the world...she’ll miss seeing him in her life every week like she’s able to now. And his kids,  _ oh, those kids _ , she can’t imagine not having them in her world, either. Selfishly she’s glad to know she’s got another year of spending time with all of them.

“Well, then it sounds like we still help them finish the season with their best performance they can,” she says. “And then we go from there.”

He smiles back at her, a mixed expression on his face. It’s like he can tell how patient and compassionate she’s being with him now, but is also happy to go along with it. “That’s always the best plan,” he says. He reaches out and puts a hand towards her and she takes it, squeezing back.

“I’ll keep you updated once we get to Salt Lake City,” she tells him.

“I’d like that,” he nods. “And after...Tess, after, you get a break, too, okay?” His expression is still genuine, having switched over to concern. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for everything you’ve been doing...God knows Anna and Ravi are, as well,” he adds. “But you’ve got your own stuff to deal with too,” he says simply.

And he’s not wrong, she thinks. Tessa knows well enough that she’s been diving in pretty hard the last month and a half, wanting - needing - to support Scott as much as possible. He’s had enough adjusting to do, and she’s wanted to do everything she can to protect that time for him and his family.

But she can’t be that person forever, she knows too. She has her own life to return to, just as he does. Tessa offers him a compassionate smile, mirroring the expression on his face just now. She squeezes his hand once more, nodding in agreement.

“I will get a break,” she says. “As soon as we’re back from Salt Lake. Bubble baths and chocolates and pedicures, I promise,” she adds for good measure.

He laughs a little - a sound she hasn’t heard from him very much lately, that warms her even in its small measure. He gives her hand one more squeeze too, before releasing it back to her.

  
  


*

As glad as Tessa is to be headed to Worlds with the full crew, she can’t help but feel strange being there without Scott. It’s not just her first time being on the coaching side of things without him in the mix as well - it’s the first time she can remember ever being at a competition event without him. It’s a feeling she has to spend time adjusting to, and she can’t tell for sure if she likes it or not.

She joins Marie-France and Patrice and the others, watching patiently from the boards and doing her best to offer words of reassurance and direction when she can. That part is something she finds herself enjoying - working alongside her mentors and being able to be a constructive member of the team is incredibly satisfying. And after months of getting closer to Anna and Ravi, she feels even more empathy for them as they head towards an uncertain finish line for their post-Olympic season.

In the end, Anna and Ravi place fourth. At the end of the rhythm dance they finish within three points of the young Italian team in third. And then, after skating what Tessa and Marie-France and Patrice all agree is a near-perfect performance of their free dance, the points gap still widens and they place fourth, a full seven points behind the Bronze team. They join their coaches backstage, completely deflated.

“We’re not reaching the judges, are we?” Ravi says, as though suspecting the answer. “They preferred our style before, they don’t like the change.” Anna’s next to him with a devastated expression on her face, her hand clasped tightly in his.

“It’s hard to say,” Patrice says first, trying to offer a balanced perspective to start with. “The year after an Olympics can be a hard one to read.”

“We skated strong,” Anna says, her shaky voice betraying the truth of her words. “Technically we are skating better than we were last year,” she emphasizes, and Tessa has to agree with her. There’s so much they’ve improved on.

As she sits with Anna and Ravi, Tessa expresses sympathy and compassion, helping them to visualize the performances they skated and understand that they did everything they could. They did everything right. And Patrice and Marie-France agree. They’ve got a lot to be proud of from this season, including several career-best scores, and they’re well enough established now to head into the next season on strong footing. They’ll review the scores again when they’re back at home, after a rest, and think about how they’d like to move forward.

With Patrice and Marie-France, Tessa talks it out more candidly, wondering if the scores were stacked against them from the beginning, if the European teams are being favoured in some way. Although they can’t find any obvious technical deficiencies in the teams that did make the podium, they don’t discount the possibility outright that Anna and Ravi simply aren’t the favourites.

It makes her heart sink, makes her feel exhausted in an entirely different way. It’s also another conversation she’ll have to have with Scott - and one he’ll need to have with his team when they’re all back.

For now she lets herself believe her own words of reassurance she’d given the younger skaters, as she joins them and the others in a celebratory post-competition dinner. Soon they’ll all head home again, and the world will look a little different from there.

  
  


*

Scott’s glad to see everyone after they return from Salt Lake City. He’d kept in touch with them throughout the event just as Tessa had promised to do, and has been prepared for the post-game conversation ever since. He invites them all over to his house for their debrief, while the kids are spending the afternoon with Christine’s aunt.

He congratulates Anna and Ravi honestly and openly on skating two excellent programs.  He’s reviewed the footage over and over and enjoyed every single minute of it. He insists they’re two of the best programs they’ve ever skated in the whole time he’s been working with them, and that they have every reason to be proud of the way they skated. As much as Scott shares the concerns about what may have happened with the judging, he knows they did the best they could.

He’s also able to confidently reassure them that, if they want to keep training with him, and in Montreal, he’ll be staying at Gadbois for at least another year. He suspects that they’ve guessed this would be the case, but hearing it for certain from his own voice has an immediately steadying effect on both of them. They don’t just want to keep skating, they want to keep training here, with him, with the entire team he’s a part of.

Anna throws her arms around him and Ravi follows, too. He sees Marie-France and Patrice smiling back at him, as well as Tessa. They’re proud of Anna and Ravi and are there to support them - but he knows they’re just as proud of him. It makes Scott want to bring them into the hug too, remembering the years he and Tessa spent working under their wings, so long ago.

They all talk out the plans for the next couple of months, which Scott’s glad to hear include some time off to rest and recuperate. They’re still the Canadian champions, and they still get to join the Stars on Ice tour this spring for the first time. And beyond that, they have their wedding to look forward to in August. They have an incredible amount to be happy for.

Truth be told, by the time they’ve wrapped up he’s worrying more about Tessa. All he can think is that she looks exhausted. She lingers a little longer after the others have gone, catching up with him on everything else that’s been going on. She stays long enough to help him start preparing dinner, and catch up with the kids and Sarah when they return from their afternoon outing. She gives Max and Aidan her full attention as they bouncily report on everything, and eagerly listens to Renee as she sits with her shows her the new book Sarah bought her.

But Scott can tell Tessa’s tired, and he tells her as much as he’s helping her with her coat at the door not long after dinner’s over.

“T, for someone who’s supposed to be a champion jet-setter, you look pretty much like you could sleep for a week,” he says.

“I probably could, to be honest,” she admits. “Or at least for a day.” She wraps her scarf around her neck and finishes zipping her coat.

“Hey, you promised, remember? Chocolates and bubble baths?”

“I did promise, you’re right.” She offers him a tired smile. “And I will. I swear you won’t see me for a couple of days.”

“Take whatever time you need, Tess. Just...do you for a few days, okay? We’ll be alright.” He’s not sure if the ‘we’ is referring to Gadbois, or his family, or some combination of the two, but either way he knows he’s right. What he mostly wants is to see Tessa refreshed and recuperated, and he’s about an inch away from giving her the same coaching talk he just gave to his team.

Tessa looks back at him carefully, nodding, almost like she’s reading him to make sure he’s telling the truth. Eventually she smiles, relaxed and confident, as though realizing he really will be alright and that it’s okay to focus on herself for a while.

She finishes bundling up and leans up to kiss his cheek. “I’ll call you soon, okay?”

“Chocolates and bubble baths,” he reminds her, opening the door for her.

“Aye, aye,” she says, mock saluting him.

When she leaves the house is quiet and still again for a split second, and then the sound of his children’s voices coming from the living room bring him back. He heads in to join them, happy to settle in for the rest of the evening with his family.

  
  


*

Scott gets a few messages from Tessa over the next couple of days - including one with a photo of freshly painted toes peeking out over the edge of a sudsy bathtub, which makes him laugh, and another with a half-unwrapped bar of dark chocolate. He relaxes a little, knowing she’s actually following through on her promise of taking time for herself.

He spends a few days at the rink with Marie-France and Patrice that week, going over the balance of activities that concluded the season, how the teams are shaping up and what the training program is likely to look like when they return in the summer. It feels like a validation of his decision to stay on for another year, and makes him feel excited. He can move into the next year with a clearer sense of what lies ahead, and so will his skaters.

The next week he offers Tessa an open invitation for dinner and the usual family chaos at home, when she’s up for it. But she demures, saying she’s been feeling under the weather.

He starts worrying about her a little more the following week, when it occurs to him it’s a well into April now and he still hasn’t seen her since the post-Worlds debrief, or heard from her much at all, really. He calls her and they talk briefly, and she tells him she’s doing fine, just taking a bit of time to sort out a few things.

“Scott, you’re the one who insisted I take time to rest up,” she tells him.

“Of course, T. This is just...I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay,” he insists. And truthfully, there’s something in the tone of her voice that feels different, to him, in spite of her trying to reassure him otherwise.

“Can we meet up in a few days? The usual cafe? I need a bit of time to sort out a couple of things,” is all she’ll say.

“Okay,” Scott allows. “But if I don’t see you in a few days, then I’m going to demand some kind of proof of life.”

“One photo of me next to the newspaper, coming up,” she says.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he insists.

When they hang up, it’s with smiles, but he still can’t figure out what’s going on with her. He hopes when he sees her next, she’ll tell him

  
  


*

True to her word, Tessa does meet up with him a few days later. By the time he makes it to the cafe she’s already there, in the back of the cafe in their regular spot. It’s the middle of the morning and it’s only half-full.

She sees him coming over and waves cheerfully as he approaches. She’s got an Americano waiting for him already, and what looks like a tea latte in front of her. He remembers for a moment how she’d liked having London Fogs years ago before they decided on the comeback, and then once their training regimen kicked in she was back to coffee, full caffeine all the way.

“It’s good to see you, kiddo,” Scott says. He leans in to kiss her cheek and give her a hug and she hugs him back. He’s concerned that she still seems a little tired, although not quite like the last time he saw her. “You doing okay?” He sits down across from her, takes a first sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, things are good,” she says a little too brightly. He realizes then that she’s nervous, even a little fidgety. She hasn’t touched the drink in front of her.

“You sure about that?” He sets his coffee aside and pulls off his jacket, putting his full attention on her.

Tessa nods. “Yeah, I just...Well, I have some news,” she says. “It’s big, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you, and I wanted to do it in person.”

“Tell me, T, you can tell me anything.” He leans forward, not sure what she needs from him right now but very ready to listen to whatever she has to say.

“Okay. So, the thing is…” she lets out a breath, quickly. “I’m pregnant.”

Of all the things he was expecting to hear from her, this wasn’t it. For a few seconds he’s just stunned. Then, just as quickly, a slew of questions flood into his mind.

“Scott?” Tessa reaches one hand across the table, resting it lightly on top of his. He realizes then that he’s been quiet for a long moment, just staring back at her in surprise and absorbing what she said.

“You...you’re pregnant? Really?” He’s not sure how he’s supposed to react. Partly because he’s still not sure how  _ she’s _ reacting.

“Yes, really.” She smiles back at him, nodding. “It’s okay, Scott, I’m happy about it,” she tells him, as though reading his mind. “I wasn’t planning for this to happen, but it’s a good thing, I promise.”

“Yeah?” Scott feels more relief now, knowing that she’s happy. But still, the whole reality of it is taking a moment to sink in. He turns his hand, letting his fingers clasp hers. “You’re going to have a baby?” He’s smiling so broadly now.

“Yeah, I am. In November,” she adds, her smile now matching his.

“Oh my God, T, that’s amazing.” He gets up and comes around to the bench on her side of the table, wrapping his arms around her so tightly. Knowing she’s happy makes him happy, and now all he can think is how excited he is for her. “Congratulations, Tess,” he adds, a little more quietly. Suddenly he’s full of so many emotions.

“Thank you, Scott,” she says, just as softly. He feels a gentle, excited laugh ripple through her and then him as she’s pressed against his shoulder. They pull apart from each other and she’s brushing away tears from the corner of her eye. “I’m eight weeks, and I really shouldn’t be telling people yet, but I wanted you to know. And anyway, I haven’t decided for sure how much skating I want to keep up with right now and i didn’t want you to worry.”

“How are you feeling?” He tries not to look her up and down too obviously, but he can’t help it.

“Okay. A little sick in the mornings. Mostly I just feel tired,” she says, and he can tell she is. Cutting back on caffeine must be killing her.

“That’ll pass,” he offers, remembering how it was with Christine, and from hearing his brothers talk about their families. “But...you’re good, though? Really? Everything’s okay?”

“Yes,” she says emphatically. “I mean...I’d be lying if I said i wasn’t a little scared. I’ve already talked to my mom a few times since I found out, and Jordan too.”

That makes him glad, knowing she’s been connecting with them. He can’t remember how many other of Tessa’s close friends have children of their own. Goodness knows if Christine were here she’d be one of the first people offering to support Tessa if she needed it. He’s glad she’s got her family to lean on.

“I wasn’t expecting this to happen, but it has,” Tessa tells him again. “I had kind of started to think maybe this wasn’t in the cards for me at all, by now. When I found out, I was surprised, but it didn’t take me long to decide that I was going to go ahead with it.”

He remembers, then, Christine telling him about their conversation a couple of years ago, around when Tessa and Alex had separated. How Tessa had started thinking about the future and a family but the timing between them had been wrong. Since then Scott had guessed Tessa just hadn’t found the right guy.

“So...the dad?” He asks hesitantly, not wanting to pry but still needing to know she’s okay.

Tessa sighs, shaking her head. “He...he won’t be in the picture. I only saw him a couple of times, and anyway he’s already moved on to someone else.”

“Does he know?”

She nods immediately. “He knows. I told him last week, said that I was going to go ahead with the pregnancy either way, but I wanted him to know.” She shakes her head. “Honestly I think he was mostly relieved that I didn’t expect him to be involved. He actually wished me well and hugged me. Anyway I haven’t heard anything else from him since I told him, I think it’s safe to say he won’t be around.”

“Oh, Tess, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she shakes her head again. “I’m okay with it, maybe it’s even better this way. I can make my own little family, I won’t have to worry about anyone else’s expectations.” Her hands settle in her lap, one thumb stroking gently against her still flat stomach. She looks back at him, nervousness clear in her eyes, but also something like exhilaration. “I’ll figure it out, you know?”

“Of course you will. I know you will.” He pulls her to him with one arm, pressing a kiss to the top of her forehead. “There’s nothing you can’t figure out.”

“I don’t know about that. But I want this, and I’m going to do my best.”

“Whatever you need from me, you tell me, okay? After signing up to spend my life getting trampled by three kids, I better have learned something by now.”

“Oh my God, Scott, of course. Of course I will, you can count on it.” He knows that should go without saying, but he’s still glad to hear the relief in her voice, at knowing she can count on him.

“Good,” he says. With that, he wraps both arms around her again, pulling her to him just as snugly as before. “You’re not alone, you know.”

“I know. And I’m so grateful.” For a few moments they simply stay like that, their arms around each other and Tessa’s head resting on his shoulder.

  
  


*

Ever since Tessa and Alex parted ways there hadn’t been another man in her life long enough to even approach the idea of settling down or having children. She’d started to think that if she really wanted it to happen she was going to have to find a way to do it on her own.

And then, just when she’d least expected it to happen, it did.

It had taken Tessa a few days of feeling nearly flattened by fatigue after returning from Worlds, before it occurred to her that maybe this wasn’t just the build-up of travel and stress of the last couple of months. She’d reached for the pregnancy tests that she’d still kept stashed under her sink ever since she’d had her false alarm while she was still seeing Alex, not fully believing the result might be positive until she saw it with her own eyes.

At first she’d just stared back at the tests, blinking in disbelief. Then a burst of shocked, nervous laughter had left her, her hand flying to cover her mouth as she fully registered what the result meant. Next she’d left the tests on the edge of the bathroom sink, grabbed her things and walked out to the nearest drugstore in a kind of thrilled daze, buying two more tests just to make sure she had it right. Half an hour later she was back at home, confronted with two more pieces of blue and white plastic reporting the exact same thing as the first two - yes, she was pregnant.

She’d sat down, then, absorbing the news and feeling completely amazed. She’d never in her wildest dreams thought this would happen to her now - had started to think it wouldn’t happen at all, really, given her track record with men ever since she and Alex had parted ways.

Glancing at her calendar she’d gone back and done the math in her mind, remembering the brief encounters she’d had with Steven in the terrible, grief-stricken aftermath of Christine’s funeral. Remembering that week makes her falter, re-living the grief and feelings of loss. She’s hit with a wave of sadness, feeling all of it all over again.

Tessa had never regretted seeking physical comfort in the way that she had during that time.  And she had never expected to need to see the man ever again after that. But if this pregnancy, this amazing, wonderful, unexpected thing is something that came as a result of that horrible time, then she can only be grateful for it. She wants this baby, that much she knows for certain.

Telling Scott about her pregnancy had felt almost as nerve-wracking for Tessa as discovering she was pregnant in the first place. She’s been in a near fog for the short amount of time she’s known about it, but telling Scott made it feel real - even more so, somehow, than it did when she’d told her sister and their mother.

She’d meant it when she told Scott she was feeling a little scared, but more than that, truly, she feels so happy and excited. She’s watched her brothers and sister raise their own families and take on new identities as devoted parents in their own different ways. And for the last several years she’s watched Scott and Christine’s beautiful children grow up right before her eyes, from their infancy into wonderful, unique little people she’s so grateful to have in her life.

And now Tessa gets to be a part of all of it too, for herself. She gets to welcome her own child into the world and figure out what she’ll be like as a mother. She’ll get to share her life with a little son or daughter of her own.

Tessa also spends a lot of time in those first several weeks thinking about not just about the next nine months but the next few years. She has choices to make in terms of where she lives and how she’ll start out this next chapter in her life. She’s continued to do well for herself financially, in the almost decade that’s passed since she and Scott retired from competition. So, she’s fortunate that she can decide based on what she wants and not feel constrained otherwise.

Truthfully, she still quite likes the apartment she’s in now, with its beautiful hardwood floors and windows that remind her of her London home. Plus, the neighbourhood is nice, and the apartment is large enough that she could easily change the second bedroom into a nursery without too much trouble. But she wonders about having somewhere with a little yard, or a few other families nearby. She could buy a house, or even rent one to start. There’s even the idea of returning to her London house, and turning it into a proper home for her new little family and not just herself on her own, but having the renters might mean delaying that plan for a bit.

She still hasn’t told anyone else outside of her immediate family, and Scott. She thinks Marie-France might suspect, but has been kind enough to wait until Tessa tells her herself. Her work life has already been so back and forth lately with everything else that’s happened in the last few months that no one’s blinked an eye when she advised that she’d be taking a few weeks off for her herself.

As she continues through her third month of pregnancy the fatigue and nausea - and much of her nervousness - have started to dissipate a little. Despite having been advised that her age would typically set her as a higher risk pregnancy, she’s still a very fit and healthy person, although being far from her Olympic training level. Her doctor has reassured her that everything looks healthy so far, and Tessa feels a new kind of relief hearing those words from her. She returns from her ultrasound appointment at eleven weeks with a grainy, beautiful, black-and-white photo and the memory of hearing the baby’s heartbeat still sounding in her mind.

Sometimes she catches herself smiling, for no obvious reason, without even realizing she’s doing it. Or her hand will drift to cover her stomach, even though she knows it’s too early to feel movement there. What she mostly feels now is pure anticipation and happiness, running through her like waves.

  
  


*

Her excitement is tempered, briefly, when Jordan brings her back down to earth insisting she make the child’s father put his intentions - or lack thereof - in writing.

“ _ Jordan _ , I promise you this guy is not interested in being a dad. He was a one-night stand that became a two-or-three night stand, that’s it.’’

“ _ Tess, _ I don’t care what the guy says now, if you’re not interested in him changing his mind later, get him to sign something now. I’ll draw it up for you, even.”

“I have a lawyer, Jo,” Tessa insists. They’ve been talking about this on the phone for several minutes. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll do it.”

“You know it’s the right thing to do, T,” Jordan says, and Tessa does. Her voice quiets a little. “I just don’t want this guy disrupting things for you later on. What if you’re on Nivea billboards again and he decides he wants a piece of it?”

Tessa thinks briefly about Steven’s garish penthouse condo that she saw the inside of exactly three times, and thinks there’s little chance he’d be hurting for cash that badly. And she hasn’t even thought as far as how much modelling she’ll keep up with once the baby comes. But she agrees with Jordan. She puts a hand over her stomach, thinking about the future she’s already started to see in her mind’s eye, her new life with her little girl or boy.

“Okay, draw it up, Jo. I’ll make sure he signs it.”

“Good. I’ll send them tomorrow.”

“Thanks, sis.”

“Are you still planning to go home next weekend?” Jordan asks next. When they’d spoken last week they’d made plans to visit together at the end of April, since Tessa had been meaning to visit soon anyway to check in on her house. Now with Tessa’s news, their mother was even more excited to see her in person and share in the excitement.

“I am. I need to check in on my tenants, they said something about wanting to talk to me about the lease.”

“Okay. And probably mom’s already got your baby shower half-planned, but sure, that too.”

“ _ Hey _ , I need to keep an eye on my little house, you know,” Tessa insists. The two gentlemen have continued to be good tenants over the years. She normally stops by once in the spring to confirm their lease for the next year, and do a brief inspection. With everything else happening in the last couple of months she’s surprised she still remembered to arrange it this year.

“I know. And I’m going to hug the stuffing out of you in person. But in a gentle, nice way, since you’re knocked up and all.”

“Thanks, Jo,” Tessa laughs. “I love you, too.” She’s looking forward to hugging her big sister just as much.

“I love you, little sis. You’re going to be a great mom,” she says.

Tessa laughs again. She lets those words fill her up, her smile returning along with so much joy and warmth.

 

*

The visit home is a good one. Her mother and sister are both thrilled for Tessa. Despite the fact that her mother is already a grandmother several times over, and likewise with her sister being an aunt, let alone a mother herself, they’re excited for Tessa and happy that she’s happy. Tessa’s just superstitious enough to try stalling her mother from making too many baby shower preparations yet - Jordan had been entirely right about that - at least until she’s well clear into her second trimester.

“Your due date is when, Tessa?” Her mother asks her over dinner the first evening, for about the fifth time since Tessa told her the news weeks ago.

“November eighteenth, mother,” she says, all but rolling her eyes. “Give or take, I suppose.”

Jordan nods, setting down her fork. “Definitely suppose. Jake came a week late and Nathan was two weeks early,” she says, as though Tessa might have forgotten her two youngest nephews’ arrivals. When Jordan had had Nathan, she’d been texting Tessa with updates up until her last hour of labour.

“Well you girls were both right on time, almost to the day,” Kate says. “So anything can happen, I can promise you that.”

“Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or a girl?” Jordan asks Tessa.

Tessa shakes her head, already starting to wonder at how many more questions she’ll be asked like this in the coming months. “No, I want to be surprised,” she says decisively. “And I’ll be happy with either one. I just want it to be healthy.” Both women are smiling back at her, nodding.

“Of course you will, honey.” Kate takes her hand and squeezes. “Boy or girl, you’ll love them completely.”

“Are you going for a doctor or a midwife?” Jordan asks next.

“Oh,” Tessa says, thinking suddenly. “I guess...well I guess I hadn’t thought,” she admits. So far she’s been content with the care she’s had from her doctor in Montreal. But she knows Jordan has had both experiences and found her second birth with a midwife at home very satisfying.

“You should decide about it soon,” Jordan encourages.

“I know,” Tessa answers, starting to feel a little overwhelmed all of a sudden. She needs a bit more time to absorb her thoughts and consider what she wants, but also knows that amount of time will start dwindling rapidly. “I will, I’ll...I’ll let you know what I decide when I decide it,” is all she can say for the moment.

“Of course, darling,” her mother repeats. “We’re here to support you, that’s all.”

“I know that too,” Tessa says. “And I’m glad. I’ll figure everything out, I just...I want to enjoy this time, too.” She feels her mother give her hand another squeeze. The other women smile and nod back for a moment, understanding wordlessly.

“Just wait until you feel the baby move for the first time,” Jordan says next, gently but with complete enthusiasm. “It’s so cool.”

Tessa’s smile turns into a laugh, then. She’s been doing that a lot, lately. “I can’t wait.” And truly, there are so, so many things she can hardly wait for.

  
  


*

The next day Tessa makes arrangements to see her tenants as promised, with Jordan accompanying her. She insists it’s just for moral support but Tessa suspects she wants to make sure they haven’t trashed the place.

“Jo, these guys are middle-aged professors. They teach computer engineering and...Medieval literature, I think.”

“Hey, you never know, T, I’ve seen profs party down with the best of them.”

Frank and Johannes are complete gentlemen with the two women when they arrive. When they show them into Tessa’s kitchen Tessa quirks an eyebrow at Jordan, observing how entirely spotless everything is. If there’s any dust remaining in any corner of this house right now Tessa will be amazed to discover it.

Frank pours them out some sparkling water and they chat. It turns out they wanted to have a conversation about the lease because they won’t be able to renew for the next year. Johannes - the engineer - has been offered a two-year research sabbatical in Munich and they’re planning to start the moving process in May, to be settled in in Germany by the beginning of June.

Tessa’s surprised, but not upset at all. She’s more than happy to oblige when they ask if they could extend to just the spring, just to give them enough time to pack their things and organize the rest to be kept in storage.

In turn, they both seem relieved at her lack of stress. “We didn’t want to disappoint you as tenants,” Frank says. “We’ve loved living here.”

“We’re sure you’ll find someone else in time for the next academic year,” Johannes offers. “If you’d like some recommendations we can start asking around.”

She exchanges a glance with Jordan, who already looks like she’s hatching plans in her mind.

“Thank you,” Tessa says. “That might not be necessary, but I will let you know soon if it is.”

“Please do,” Frank says. “This is a beautiful house, you shouldn’t leave in the hands of just any old person.”

“I really agree,” she laughs. She’s charmed by both of them, as she has been every time she’s met them. They’ve been model tenants, and she admires their protectiveness of the house.

They chat a little while longer, finalizing arrangements for when their tenancy will come to an end and keeping her up to date on the repairs her caretaker had done over the winter. She knew about those already, of course, but she appreciates their attention with her.

As she and Jordan are driving away a few minutes later Tessa glances over at her sister, who is patiently waiting for Tessa to speak up first.

“So?” she asks Jordan, pulling out onto the street and making her way onto the route back to their mother’s house.

“Come on, Tess, you’re going to at least think about it, right?”

“Moving back, you mean?”

“Of  _ course _ I mean moving back,” she says, sounding somehow both excited and exasperated at the same time. “The timing is perfect! You could get yourself moved back in by Canada Day and you’d still have the whole last half of your pregnancy to go, you could settle in and redecorate one of the spare rooms upstairs.”

In her mind’s eye Tessa has already started re-painting one of those rooms. She’s picturing where the crib would go, and whether she could fit an armchair or rocker in one corner along with a toy shelf or two.

“Yeah, I could. I really could, Jo,” she agrees, nodding. The more she thinks about it the more it starts pushing aside any other ideas she might have had about where else to go.

It’s not long before they pull up in the driveway at Kate’s house. Tessa stops the car and pulls the keys out of the ignition, so many new thoughts bubbling up now. She can feel tears pricking at the corner of her eyes and can’t figure out why. Only that she can suddenly see the next few months and even years spreading out before her in a way that she couldn’t quite see before, even a few days ago.

“Oh Tess, you’re going to do it, aren’t you?” Jordan asks, gently now. “It would be so amazing, right?”

She’s nodding again, blinking at the tears. “I’m going to do it. Oh my God, Jordan, I think I’m going to move home again.”

“Yeah?” Jordan reaches out and clasps a hand on her arm, completely thrilled.

“Yeah,” she repeats, a laugh escaping her. “I’m going to move back into my little house, and have my baby, and just go for it.”

“Ahh, this is going to be so great, Tess,” Jordan says, pulling her into a hug. “I’m so excited for you. Mom will be too, oh man. You’d better be sure about this, if you tell her and then change your mind she might not forgive you.”

They pull apart, Tessa shaking her head. “No, I’ve made up my mind. It’s the right choice, I know it is.”

A moment later they make their way up the front walk, arm in arm. Just before they get to the front door Tessa pauses, a thought occurring to her.

“What?” Jordan asks. “Did we forget something?” She glances back at the car.

“No,” Tessa says. “I was just thinking...There’s something sort of ironic about it. The idea of me moving back like this.”

Jordan’s brow furrows. “What do you mean? It’s your house, T, you can do whatever you want with it.”

“Oh I know, I know,” Tessa answers. “It’s just...ages ago, when I was talking to my agent about renting the house out...I insisted on no children.”

Jordan pauses for the briefest moment. And then they dissolve into laughter.

  
  


*

When she returns to Montreal the following week it’s the beginning of May, and Tessa feels like she’s stepped back not just into a new month but into a different life. Already the idea of moving back home to London has started to become an actual plan. She knows her mother will support her in every way she can, and so will her siblings and their families.

But there’s one person to whom she hasn’t told any of this yet, and she can’t do it any other way than face to face. Scott’s never stopped being one of the most important people in her life - if not the most important. As enthusiastic as she is about starting her new move - her whole new life, in many ways - she knows it won’t be real until she shares it with Scott. And she hopes, so, so desperately, that he’ll be okay with it.

She’s watched him so carefully these last few months, shadowing him and supporting him and doing almost everything she could to help him survive the horrible, undeserved grief he’s been dealing with. Not just him, but his own family. His children have become such an important part of her life, too, over the last few years. The thought of moving away from them gives her such a sinking feeling, crushes her heart more deeply in some ways that the idea of leaving Scott behind. She loves all of them so much.

Tessa knows that if she stayed, it would also work out so well. She’d have Scott around to lean on if she needed to, and her child would have his kids to look up to as they grow up. The very idea of that makes her smile, makes her long for that world for just enough of a moment that she starts picturing what it could look like, blending their families together.

But just as quickly she pushes that picture aside, almost shaking her head against it. Because they’re not sharing the same family - not like that. She has to forge ahead with her life in the way that’s best for her, and he has to do the same thing. He has his own new plans to figure out and look forward to as well, she reminds herself. And there’s still every chance he’ll end up in Toronto a year from now, and wouldn’t that be so much closer to London than Montreal?

They’ll figure it out in their own ways, she tells herself. They always do.

  
  


*

Tessa heads to Scott’s place the following weekend, ready to share everything she’s been thinking about since her visit home. He’d been eager to have her over soon anyway, and asked her if she wanted to tell his kids about the baby.

“It’s good news, Tess,” he’d said to her on the phone. “And you’re one of their favourite people, they should know that good things are still happening to their favourite people, you know?”

“You’re right,” she’d agreed. And she’s breathing easier about telling people, now that she’s officially started her second trimester.

They have Tessa over for lunch, and it’s great. Between her travelling in March, and then again more recently, they haven’t actually seen much of her lately. Max and Aidan both tell her all about their skating lessons and how their dad says they get to start hockey practice next fall. They wish they could start right now. She glances at Scott as they tell her that, reading the mixture of delight and anxiety in his expression at the idea. But she’s excited for them, knows how they’d been so keen to try out more skating themselves ever since they’d all gone to the Olympics the previous year.

Renée sits with her chair about as close to Tessa’s as she can, her blonde hair falling in her eyes as she tells Tessa about her friends and her teacher. She carries on talking about some storybook brother-and-sister characters Tessa has never heard of before, but who are clearly Renée’s favourites right now. Tessa lifts her hand and brushes Renée’s hair out of her eyes as she keeps talking, so delighted to hear so many words flowing out of her. She looks over at Scott again and smiles warmly, and finds his expression already mirroring hers.

After they’ve finished their food, and just about run out of news to share with Tessa, Scott decides to give her the invitation to share her own.

“So, guys, Tessa has something exciting to share with us,” he pipes up. “Let’s let her tell us, okay?”

Three dusty blond heads swivel towards her as the kids focus their attention on her just then. She swallows, feeling suddenly more nervous than she has any reason to be.

“I do have news,” she says.

“Is it good news or bad news?” Aidan asks, curious. Scott had told her before how they’d been using that expression a lot lately - trying to emphasize that good news still happens a lot, even sometimes when it seems like there’s a lot of bad news.

“Oh it’s good, very good,” she answers immediately, nodding. “I’m going to have a baby,” she says. Inexplicably she finds herself tearing up as slightly she says it.

Renée’s expression lights up almost right away. “A baby?” she asks. “In your tummy?” She reaches one of hands over and puts it on Tessa’s stomach, as though looking for evidence of the answer.

“Yes, it is,” Tessa responds, laughing a little. She puts her hands on her stomach too, next to Renée’s. She’s still not showing very much yet, which she realizes must make it harder for them to understand.

“Miss Girard has a baby in her tummy, too,” Renée says.

Tessa looks over at Scott. “One of Renée’s teachers is due in July,” he explains. “Their class is learning all about babies right now.”

“Ah,” Tessa says. “Well, Miss Girard’s baby is going to come much sooner than mine,” she tells Renée. “Mine is still very, very little, but it’s in there.”

“It’s pretty cool, right guys? Tessa gets to be a mom,” Scott says to Max and Aidan. They nod, smiling, and then follow with questions of their own.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Max asks, curious.

“I don’t know yet,” she answers. “I’ll find out once they’re born.”

“When is it gonna be born?” he asks next.

“The middle of November,” she answers. “So not until after the summer and after you guys start your next year at school, it’ll almost be Christmas.”

Aidan’s eyes get wider. “But that’s so far away,” he says in awe.

Tessa and Scott both share a laugh at that. “It is,” Scott says. “But it takes time for babies to grow, bud. Usually about nine months.”

“Does the baby have a dad?” Aidan asks then.

Scott frowns, looking back at Tessa as though he should step in. She shakes her head, feeling a little surprised at the question but not shy about answering it.

“Yes, the baby does have a dad,” she answers carefully. “But he’s someone I only knew for a little while, and we’re not together anymore.”

“Did he die?” Renée asks next, and Tessa’s breath catches in her throat. Renée’s little hands are still on Tessa’s stomach, her face turned up towards Tessa’s in open curiosity and something like worry.

Tessa shakes her head quickly, brushing her hand through Renée’s hair again. “No, no sweetie. He’s alive, I promise. But we’re just not together. I’ll be the baby’s mommy by myself, and that’s okay.” She smiles, hoping the answer is enough.

Renée nods, seemingly satisfied, and Tessa takes one of her hands and squeezes it.

The boys ask a few more questions and then the chatter starts veering off again towards other things. After a few more minutes, Scott rallies them to help clear the dishes and load their plates into the dishwasher. The boys drift off towards the rec room, and Scott takes Renée upstairs to her room for her quiet time.

Tessa’s made tea for her and Scott by the time he comes back downstairs. She steals a cookie from the box still on the counter, and he does the same. They settle in next to each other at the kitchen island.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad, I guess,” he says, chuckling a little.

“I swear, those three should team up with my mom and Jordan,” Tessa answers, wryly. “No question gets by them.”

“That’s how it goes,” he says, nodding. “Some days it’s all questions, I swear. But then other days they won’t stop talking and telling stories, it’s sort of amazing.”

“It is,” Tessa agrees. “And they’re good questions,” she adds.

“They’re looking out for you,” he winks. He takes a sip from his mug. “How was the visit last week? Did you guys have a good catch-up?”

Tessa nods, letting out a breath. She’s glad she’s had the first conversation with the kids, but she knows this one is going to be much, much harder.

So, she tells him everything. She talks about how her mother and sister are so excited for her and wanted to know all about her plans and next steps. Then she tells him about her tenants and how her house is going to be empty again in another month or so. She tells him that while she hadn’t expected to be seriously eyeing a move back home, there’s something so perfect about the timing of everything that she couldn’t help but latch onto the idea.

And then, by the time she’d left a few days later, her mother was already helping her look into moving arrangements, and was just a phone call away from hiring a decorator to help her repaint and set up the baby’s room. She’d taken time to consider her care options as well, in light of Jordan’s experiences, and had started looking into a well regarded midwife practice in the London area.  

For the most part Scott lets Tess talk, nodding and offering short responses occasionally. But mostly he listens. By the time she finishes she takes in another long breath, and looks over at him to discover a warm, almost bittersweet smile on his face. He’s not upset, she realizes in surprise. He’s not exactly bubbling over in excitement for her, either, but she’s relieved to find something other than the disappointment she’d been expecting.

“Scott?” she says. “What are you thinking?”

He smiles a little more and then takes in a breath of his own. “Well, if I’m being honest, I’d sort of wondered if you might be thinking about moving home again,” he admits.

“Really?” she wonders. “But you didn’t say anything before,” she says, thinking back to the various conversations they’ve had since she told him her news a month ago.

“I know, I know I didn’t. I didn’t want to assume things, though. This is totally your call, Tess,” he says. “And anyway, I wasn’t sure what your arrangements were with your renters. It’s a great deal for them, living in that awesome place of yours, I wasn’t sure if they’d let you kick them out.”

“ _ Oh _ ,” she says, thinking how obvious that all sounds now. “Well, in that case it really did work out for the best. They’re such great tenants, though, I swear they’ve taken better care of the house than I ever did when I lived there.”

“Ah, I bet that’s not true,” he says. He smiles again. “So you’re happy about this, right? This is what you want to do?”

“It is,” she nods, and she’s heartened by his need to be sure - to know that she’s sure, too. “It’s what I want, I know it is. But…” she suddenly finds herself blinking back tears again, surprised at how easily that seems to happen now. “But moving away, Scott, it would be...it would mean moving away from you, too,” she says.

“Oh, kiddo,” he reacts, so kindly it almost breaks her heart. He shifts, reaching both of his arms towards her and enfolding her completely. She lets him hold her, wishing so much that taking this step forward didn’t feel so much like she was leaving him behind.

“And the kids…” she starts, and has to stop and swallow back the knot in her throat. “It’s not just you, Scott, I’ll be leaving them behind, too-“

“No, Tess,” he’s already shaking his head, against her shoulder. “It wouldn’t be like that. It wouldn’t, we’re still going to see you, we’ll all see you, we’ll make sure of it.”

“I hope so,” she says, and God help her she’s almost on the verge of blubbering. “I couldn’t handle it otherwise, you know?” Rationally, she knows he’s right, they will have plenty of opportunities to see each other. She’s got at least another month before she’ll be able to move, and after that there’s bound to be the Moir Canada Day celebrations, and Anna and Ravi’s wedding here in Montreal in August, and then Thanksgiving and Christmas.

“Of course, Tess, you know I couldn’t handle it either. I couldn’t take not seeing you.” He’s rubbing one hand down her back in that familiar way she remembers from years ago. If she closes her eyes they could almost be standing in an arena somewhere, calming their nerves before a big skate. “Of course the kids will miss having you around like they do now, T, they’ll miss you a lot,” he says. “And so will I,” he emphasizes again, more gently and a little more quietly.

Fresh tears spill down her cheeks then as she nods quickly. “I will too,” she tells him, her voice straining. She squeezes him back as hard as she can. “So much.”

He pulls back from her after a moment, looking at her. She swallows again, clasping his hands and only needing to hear whatever words he has for her. “But this is  _ you _ , T,” he says then. “This is what you want, right?”

She nods again, just as quickly as she did when she’d answered before. “I do, I want this so much.”

He smiles a watery smile back at her and shrugs just a little. “Then you’ve got to do it, Tess.” His voice is just above a whisper, but so insistent and so sincere.

Her tears give way to nervous, delighted laughter as she hears the reassurance in his voice. She leans in closer to him and he puts his arms around her again without her even needing to ask. He presses a kiss to her temple and holds her tightly while she leans into his embrace, steadying herself and catching her breath.

“You know, I think Chris would tell you to do it, too,” he says after a quiet moment passes, a bittersweet but soft tone in his voice. “I think she’d be so, so happy for you.”

Tessa shuts her eyes against more tears, thinking about his words and knowing without a doubt how right he is. And he’s  _ so _ right, she thinks. If Christine were here Tessa would already have told her about her plans several times over. She would be excited for Tessa, and listen as she talked out her decisions, and share in her joy.

When she releases Scott she can see tears in his eyes, too, despite the gentle smile on his face. “You’re gonna do great, Tess. It’s gonna be so, so amazing.” He lifts one of his hands, brushing away tears from her cheeks. “I’ll help you any way I can, whenever I can,” he promises.

Not for the first time, and not nearly for the last, Tessa feels so much gratitude for Scott being in her life. She doesn’t know what she ever did to deserve him, and hopes he deserves her just as much in return.

 

*

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone so much for reading, again!  
> I hope you're enjoying it and still looking forward to more. 
> 
> And there IS so much more to come - I know i'm looking at more than 13 chapters (I had originally thought the events of Chapter 7 would come in Chapter 5, which should really tell me something), but just have to figure out how many more. I'll be taking a wee pause to do some writing catch up but will definitely be back in December with the next installment. 
> 
> Thank you again to my beta readers peacefulboo and iwantthemtostay, for being amazing human beings.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summer and fall pass with happy and bittersweet celebrations alike, and Tessa’s world expands by one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to peacefulboo and iwantthemtostay for beta-reading and for writing support in general - I legit might not still be writing this without them, thank you ladies <3
> 
> I wanted to get you at least one chapter before Christmas, even though this one doesn't have any Christmas in it. The next one has _two_ , though, and you should have that before the year is out. The chapter count has ticked up a bit, and will be a bit longer than I originally assumed - based on the content i've got outlined and partially written so far, I think we are looking at fifteen altogether. 
> 
> I know that some current RL context/assumptions have changed since I started writing this (I mean, since I even posted the last chapter), and I don't have anything specific to say about that except to reiterate that nobody needs to read anything that they are not enjoying. Everyone stay safe out there and make the reading choices that are right for you!
> 
> As far as this fic goes - I am not turning this car around. I've driven too far to turn it around now! If you're still here with me for the ride, thank you a million times over, I value and appreciate your time and readership <3 <3

Making the decision to move back home was in some ways incredibly easy, and in other ways very, very hard. As the spring turns to summer, Tessa feels a surge of excitement as she prepares to start this new chapter of her life. She sets moving day for the middle of June and once that is set, the rest of the plans start to swing into motion - hiring movers to take everything from Montreal to London, and cleaners and decorators to get her house into the state she wants it. 

Sometimes Tessa thinks not much has changed about her life just yet - in many ways she’s used to dividing her time between cities, and she still has a lot of that to do. She heads to Toronto to meet with her design team and confirm plans for her upcoming line, and takes her meetings and calls with the B2ten fundraising team just as she’d done in previous years. The main difference now - aside from putting an end date on her work commitments starting in October- is that there are already London trips added. She pays a last visit to her tenants, as they prepare to embark on their own adventure living abroad. They’re happy for her and her future family, and have only best wishes for her as she looks forward to her homecoming. 

She’s also grateful for the return of her normal energy levels - and then some, it seems - as she continues into her second trimester. It’s when it comes to preparing for the baby that Tessa truly feels the reality of the changes happening in her life. She meets with her new midwife team in London and makes plans for her care over the next several months, and for the birth to come. 

As she learns more about what she’ll need to be ready when the birth happens and in the months that follow, it hits home that the birth really will only be the beginning. And re-decorating one of her spare rooms isn’t just about the paint colour or the furniture, but about making space for a whole new life - an entirely new person who will be part of her world forever.

 

*

Before Tessa knows it, the middle of June arrives. And with it, the final days before departing Montreal for good. Two days before her official moving day, Scott hosts a farewell dinner in her honour - it’s simple and casual, including Marie-France and Patrice, Anna and Ravi, Sarah, and a few other mutual friends of theirs.

Tessa spends a good while in close conversation with Marie-France, off to one side of the living room in a quiet corner. Her longtime mentor and friend is happy to hear about everything and offers to help with anything if she can. Marie-France practically glows herself, listening to Tessa talk about how her pregnancy has been progressing, and admiring her rounding figure.

“You’re more beautiful than ever _ ,  _ _ ma chère _ ,” she says. “I did not think that was possible to do,” she adds with a wink.

Tessa can only smile in response. “I feel good, I really do. It’s...still a little strange sometimes, but so amazing.”

“And everything is healthy?” her friend asks, nodding hopefully.

“Yes, so far so good,” Tessa laughs, feeling glad. “Everything looks normal. And I’m not sure yet but I...the other day I think I started feeling the baby move,” she says. “It was only a little bit, really, sort of like bubbles, but it... I definitely think I can feel it now.” Tessa rests her hands on her stomach and feels herself welling up. For the last couple of months she hasn’t been able to stop doing that, and she can’t tell if it it’s the hormones coursing through her body, or the new excitement in her life, or both.

Marie-France’s expression lights up, and she reaches a hand out to clutch Tessa’s. “Oh, my dear,” she responds knowingly, kindly. “I remember that feeling,” she says gently. “That’s when it starts to feel real, no?”

Tessa nods quickly. “Yes. You’re right, it does feel more real. Each month it does,” she adds, thinking about how she’s not far from being halfway through her pregnancy and she can’t quite believe it.

Marie-France leans in and puts her arms around her, and Tessa does the same. “I’m so happy for you, my friend. I wish I was going to be closer to you,” she says, as Tessa holds onto her tighter. “But you’re going to love being in your home again, I know you will, and so will your family, no?” She pulls away again, looking up at Tessa with reassurance.

Tessa nods again. “They will be. They’re so excited for me, Marie. I’m so, so lucky to have all of them.” She tells Marie-France more, about how her brothers will be helping with the move and getting her settled back into her house, and her mother and sister have promised to be with her during the birth.

“Good,” Marie-France says enthusiastically. “Lean on them as much as you can.”

“I will. I’m so grateful for them, they’re…” Tessa pauses, her eyes filling again.  _ Damnit _ , she thinks to herself. “Everyone’s been so supportive of me, I can’t believe it sometimes.” She shakes her head. “I’ve already leaned on them for so long, and they have so much in their own lives to be busy with…” Tessa stops, her voice starting to break.

“It’s because they’ve been through it, too,” her friend says, knowing and insistent. She takes Tessa’s hand again. “They understand. You need those voices with you when the time comes. If you were staying here my dear it would be the same with me - trust me i would hardly leave your side if that was what you needed.”

Marie-France leans in and kisses her cheek and Tessa wraps her arms around her again, feeling nothing but gratitude in that moment, no other words coming to her. When they part a moment later both of them have wet eyes. Tessa brushes under her eyes, blinking and sniffling a little. She keeps her other hand clutched with Marie’s, still quiet for a minute.

“And Scott?” Marie-France asks gently. “I know you two cannot stay apart for too long,  _ c’est correct _ ?”

“Oh, yes,” Tessa says. She glances around then, trying to put eyes on the man himself. She spots him over in the dining room, half-chatting with Sarah as he and Max put plates on the table. As much as she knows how much is waiting for her at home in London, there is so, so much that she’ll be leaving behind - and most of that, most of those people, really, are all in this house right now.

“They’ll all be coming down for Canada Day. And then I’ll be back for the wedding in August,” she says, looking over at Anna and Ravi. “And Scott says he and the kids will do Thanksgiving at home with his parents this year, too,” she reports. Tessa thinks their trip for Thanksgiving might be partly because it will be their first one without Christine, and being with his family will ease some things for Scott and the kids. But truthfully she can’t help but wonder if it’s also to be nearer to her, even if only for a few days. Either way, she’s grateful. She already has all of these days marked on her calendar and in her mind, for weeks now.

“Good,” Marie-France repeats. “I know he will miss you,” she says, the same gentle tone lingering in her voice. “And so will the children,” she adds, nodding towards the dining room. Tessa looks over again and sees Max and Aidan have both joined in helping get the table ready, and Scott’s holding Renée on one hip, although she’s getting too old for him to do that now.  _ She’s getting so big _ , Tessa thinks. All three of them are, really. At their ages a few months still makes such a big difference - by the time Thanksgiving comes around they might be almost entirely new people.

Tessa feels Marie-France squeeze her hand again and when she turns back to look at her friend she’s met with a kind, knowing look on her face. Tessa smiles back with a similar expression on her face.

“I’ll miss them all so much too. I don’t…” she pauses, swallowing against the knot in her throat. “Leaving them is the hardest part in all of this,” she says simply. Tessa still can’t fully explain everything she’s feeling when it comes to Scott and the children - she’s tried so many times in the last few months even to explain it to herself. All she ever comes back to is that she loves them, that she needs all of them in her life, and that she’s still not entirely sure how she’ll get used to living in a city where Scott isn’t.

Tessa lets her free hand come to rest once more at her midsection, against the small, firm curve there, reminding herself of the reason why she’s doing this - why it’s the right decision for her. And of everything she has to look forward to in just a few months’ time.

Marie-France nudges against her, shoulder-to-shoulder. “A little distance can be managed,  _ ma chère _ . And you and he have overcome far harder things, I truly believe that. You will find ways to stay in his life just as he will.”

“Thank you, Marie,” Tessa says. “You’re right, I know you are...but I still needed to hear that.”

Marie-France turns and frames Tessa’s face in her hands, and presses a firm kiss to her cheek. “Just love each other, as you always have. It is all any of us can do,  _ non _ ?”

Tessa’s nodding again, and smiling just as Marie-France is. But before she can respond again there’s a flurry of activity as Scott and the children come into the living room and start gathering everyone to come eat.  Renée runs directly for Tessa, an excited smile on her face as she holds out her arms towards her and presses herself against her legs. Tessa laughs, putting an arm around her.

“Is it time for dinner, sweetheart?” she asks.

“Yes! We have dinner all ready now. Just for you!” she emphasizes. Tessa laughs again, knowing how Scott has explained to them a few times what’s happening and why they’re having a special celebration tonight.

Tessa takes the girl’s hand and gives Marie-France one last look and a wink before standing up. “All right, sweetie, you lead the way,” she says. And Renée does.

  
  


*

Even with the huge group of friends that are now crowded into his dining room with him and his family, Scott knows he’s ordered far too much food for everyone. There’s wine for those who are partaking, and between Anna and Sarah’s contributions they have more than enough dessert to go around, too. He feels glad, sitting at the end of the table and watching Tessa at the other, sandwiched close between Aidan and Anna - he guesses she’s alternating between conversations about superhero comics and wedding plans, given the bits he’s managed to catch. And he can tell Tessa’s enjoying all of it.  

Scott’s also trying hard not to remind himself about the fact that soon Tessa won’t be joining them for evenings like this. As terrible and, at times, disorienting, as his life has been since February, the only silver lining has been the support he’s had from his family and friends - and especially from Tessa. He knows no one will ever replace Christine, and he knows Tessa would never try to, but he can’t deny how much better his children’s lives have been with Tessa here.

He’s also so excited for her, too, and so happy watching her embrace this new path she’s found. Looking at her now he can’t help but think that she really does glow, even more than she ever did.  

As the meal continues and everyone’s plates start to empty, Scott decides to take the moment to stand, and hold up his glass. He clears his throat and the conversation around him starts to dim. A room full of faces look back at him, but his gaze finds only Tessa’s, looking back at him from the opposite end of the table.

“So, we’re about to say ‘so long’ to a pretty amazing lady - Montreal had it pretty good with you here for so many years, Tessa, and so did we.” Scott pauses briefly, watching as her cheeks turn pink. “But this isn’t goodbye forever, T, just for now,” he emphasizes, wanting to make her feel celebrated. This evening is for her, after all. “We’re not letting you out of our sight that easily,” he says.

Several of the folks in the crowd respond with gentle laughter, although he knows Tessa will hear in his voice that he isn’t really joking. He’s truly not going to let go of her if he - or his kids, for that matter - have anything to say about it. Tessa smiles back at him easily, warmth and gratitude in her expression.

“And, we want you to know how happy we are for you, and how much we can’t wait for you to start this new part of your life. To you, Tessa,” he says finally, lifting his glass in a toast.

The others repeat his final words happily, cheering. Anna and Aidan put their arms around Tessa at the same time, the closest ones to her and easily among the ones in the room most effusive with their affections.

“Thank you,” Tessa says, looking at Scott before glancing around at everyone seated around the big table. “I’m so excited, too, and I know I’ll still be seeing a lot of you, very soon. There’s so much to celebrate right now,” she adds, squeezing Anna’s shoulder once again, her arm still wrapped around her. Anna smiles and blushes, and next to her, Ravi reaches for her hand. “I promise not to be a stranger - and I hope none of you will be either,” she finishes. She takes a deep breath, then smiles again. Everyone responds in warm agreement.

Tessa looks down at Aidan next to her, putting her other hand on his. “So I think this calls for some dessert now, am I right?” she asks, grinning at him. Scott wonders if she’s covering for the fact that her eyes are starting to water. He’s seen her do that a lot this evening, and the last few weeks, and every time it makes him want to put his arms around her. There’s a look in her eye like there’s something more she wants to say, he thinks. But perhaps not just now.

After dessert the evening starts to wind down slowly. Several people leave Tessa with gifts - partly in goodbye but also for the baby. She accepts them all gladly, along with big hugs from everyone as they take their leave. Tessa lingers the longest, helping Scott tidy up and then spending time with the kids as they get ready for bed. Renee insists Tessa read her a story, and then Aidan and Max do, too. Scott smiles, watching her with them, a bittersweet feeling settling in his chest.

By the time she comes back downstairs Scott’s finished cleaning up. He can see her looking around to see if there’s something else to do, but there isn’t. When he told her he wanted to host her goodbye dinner Scott promised her she could leave any time she needed, if there were still things she had to sort out or if she was feeling tired. Somehow it doesn’t surprise him that she’s lingering like this - he thinks he would be, too, if the roles were reversed.

He helps her pack her new bag of gifts into the car - along with a generous piece of chocolate cake that he hopes she’ll dig into tomorrow. They stand talking together in the driveway, the last rays of early summer light fading into dusk, all around them.

“So, day after tomorrow?” he confirms.

“Yep, that’ll be it,” she nods. “Almost everything’s packed up. Jordan and Kevin are coming down tomorrow to help me finish up and we’ll do the hotel tomorrow night.”

“Are you sure I can’t help with anything else?” Scott asks. He knows she’s got everything handled - more than handled, she’s always more prepared than she thinks she is - but he can’t help but make sure.

She shakes her head briskly, ducking her head a little. “You’ve done so much already, Scott, truly. Thank you for tonight, it really meant a lot to me. I...just, thank you for everything.”

“Of course, T. Anything for you, you know that, right?”

Tessa nods, and he can see tears in her eyes again. He leans in and puts his arms around her, feeling relief as she does the same. They stand together for a long moment, embracing each other.

When they eventually part and he looks back at her, he’s reminded of a memory from years before. He smiles softly, thinking about it.

“Hey, do you remember what you told me the night before the wedding?”

Tessa’s eyes widen and her mouth drops open, just a little, and he can tell that she does. “Yes, I do.” She nods. “I told you I loved you, and I was happy for you, and that you deserved everything you wanted,” she says. Her voice breaks just a little on the last part.

Scott nods, blinking a little as well. He can feel the emotion welling up in him, too. He hopes she doesn’t feel like those words haven’t still come true, because they  _ have _ . In so many different ways. Even with the horrible events and grief this year has brought him, he doesn’t think he could choose any differently.

He knows this isn’t a goodbye, not really - he knows Tessa too well to believe that. But part of him always wondered if Tessa’s words that night, years ago, had felt like a goodbye for her. He hopes that it didn’t, but standing here with her now, he thinks he feels a little bit of what she must have felt then. He’s so happy for her, but he’s also going to miss her so, so much.

“Well, that’s what I want to tell you now, too,” he says, swallowing. “You deserve this. You deserve to be happy in whatever way you decide.” He pauses, then, smiling. “I’m so excited for you.”

Tessa breathes out a laugh, nervous but honest. Something inside him settles, knowing that those were the right words to tell her. “I love you, you know that?” she says, tears threatening to fall again. “You and those kids of yours, so much.”

He puts his arms around her again, more tightly this time. “I love you, T. We all do, and we’re here for you.”

“Thank you, Scott,” she says, her voice half-muffled into his shoulder.

“And just think, the next time we see you you’ll be in your home again. It’ll be all yours, for real this time. Yours and the baby’s,” he adds warmly.

She laughs again, a kind of half-sniffle, like all the emotion between them is bubbling over and can’t be contained any more. “I can’t wait,” is all she says. And in a way, neither can he.  
  


*

Scott’s relieved to hear the updates from Tessa as her move progresses well. She makes it back to London and gets all of her belongings and furniture moved back in with the help of her siblings, and sends photos so he and the kids can see everything. It’s familiar, but also new.

He brings his kids to visit her over the Canada Day weekend, too, and she’s so happy to welcome all of them for a housewarming party - although her family members hardly let her lift a finger to do any of the work, which he can tell exasperates her. They make friends with her sister’s sons and enjoy playing games and running around the backyard.

He remembers how nervous Tessa was before she left, even though she was confident in her decision - and truthfully he’d be surprised if she wasn’t nervous at all, given how many changes are happening in her life all at once. But seeing her happy and smiling and surrounded by her family makes him happy, too.

She takes Scott on a little tour of her remade home, Renee following along eagerly, holding Tessa’s hand as she shows them all of the rooms. Scott can tell it must have taken quite a lot of work to get her house back the way she wants it, and that there’s still some work to be done. The spare bedroom that will become the baby’s room has already been repainted but is still waiting for furniture and everything else.

As they walk through the house he can see new pictures and other items on her walls that she didn’t have before - remnants of her life in Montreal, and all the amazing things she’s accomplished. Her degrees are framed well, displayed prominently in her little home office. He notices a small collection of news clippings about some of the athletes who’ve worked with the B2ten team, and he guesses they must be among the people she’s supported directly in her work.

There’s also a portrait of her, housed less prominently down at the end of the corridor - a simple photo, with her in front of a grey backdrop and pools of coloured fabric draped around her feet and over a bench in the background. It makes him think of the portraits she did for the athletes series a few years ago and wonders if it was a test shot that she’d saved. Maybe Alex encouraged her to have it printed at the time, he wonders. She’s dressed and styled simply, like it must not have been a planned sitting. But she’s smiling so brightly and easily, it’s just such such a great capture of Tessa. It makes him smile looking at it.

He’s told her so many times how happy he is for what she’s about to experience, and he’s meant it every time. But he also knows how much he’s leaned on her in the last few months in the aftermath of Christine’s death. How much his children have, too. Having her at the other end of a phone call is better than nothing but it’s still not the same.

When they leave her at the end of the visit he hugs her again so tightly, wishing her all good things but also feeling the reality of the distance that’s about to be between them. He returns to a Montreal without Tessa in it, truly feeling her absence for the first time.

 

*

Scott can’t deny that seeing Tessa well settled back in her home helps his children understand a little better now, what’s happening with her and where she’s living now. That she isn’t gone for good, just living somewhere else - the same place as Gramma and Grandpa, too, which makes it simultaneously exciting and enviable. As the summer wears on he hears the same questions from them about Tessa, repeated over and over -  _ How far away is Tess? Does she get to see Gramma all the time? Who else lives in her house? _ \- and of course wondering when they’ll see her again.

He knows the boys understand more now about calendars and months, and he thinks Renee is starting to as well. And they know where Tessa lives now is at the other end of a plane ride, which is something they’ve done a few times. They’ve also started chatting with Tessa over video at least once a week, as a matter of habit. But time and space are confusing things for them to understand sometimes, which he more than sympathizes with.

So one day he sets up a map on a big bulletin board in the kitchen, a paper map of Canada with a zoomed-in section of southern Ontario and Quebec. He shows them the big circle where Montreal is, where they live, and Max puts a thumbtack in that spot. Scott hands him another one for Aunt Sarah, which Aidan puts in next to theirs. Next Scott drags his finger across the map to where London is, farther over to the left. He hands the next thumbtack to Renée to put in for Tessa’s city.

“It’s so  _ far _ ,” Aidan says. “It didn’t feel that far on the plane,” he thinks out loud. Scott chuckles a little, thinking about how all three of them had fallen asleep on the plane back home after their Canada Day trip.

“It’s definitely not next door, that’s for sure,” Scott says. “If we drove there it would take a whole entire day.” He holds another thumbtack out for Aidan. “But you know who’s next door to Tess now, right?”

“Gramma and Grandpa!” Aidan says eagerly, not needing to think about it. “And Uncle Charlie too,” he adds, remembering how they’d been to his house on their Canada Day visit, too.

“They are for sure,” Scott smiles. He points his finger just a little above where London is, on the little grey dot for Ilderton. Aidan puts in two thumbtacks right away - one for Scott’s parents and the other for Charlie.

Renée looks up at the map, reaching her hands up and flattening them against the rest of the paper, where there’s so much more of Canada that they haven’t put any pins in.

“Who else goes on our map?” Scott asks them, the box of thumbtacks in his hand. They think for a second and then Max points out Uncle Danny in Calgary. They move over to the other side of the map and put pins in for Danny and Tessa and their kids. Next he hands them a pin for Robert and Paula - Christine’s stepbrother and his wife in Toronto - filling in more of the middle of their map.

Scott thinks they could just as easily include more of Tessa’s family on here - Jordan’s children, for example, who they’ve played with a few times now. And having more people on the map for them in Toronto might be a good thing for several reasons, not least of which is that a year from now they may well be living there themselves. But he needs more time to talk to them about that, and so for now he lets the map stay as it is, and decides to let his children tell him when someone else needs to be added.

Over the next few days they start embellishing the map, adding pieces of paper with names, and photos, too, with pieces of string leading to the thumbtacks of the cities where the people belong. It’s like a big family album in many ways. These are all living, breathing, loving people that are very much in their everyday lives in different ways, and he wants his kids to know that.

It doesn’t make the distance any smaller, he realizes, but it does make it feel easier. And he thinks that’s something worth trying for.

 

*

In spite of joking that she’d just be rattling around her home by herself until the baby arrives, Tessa finds that her work calendar shows no signs of slowing down just yet. It’s something she finds oddly comforting, discovering that amidst all of the changes in her life right now, and all the accompanying emotions, she’s still someone who needs to work and keep busy.

She re-connects with her sponsorship teams and finds they are just as are eager to engage her once more before she prepares to take time off. She’d anticipated doing an Adidas shoot later this year, before she knew about the pregnancy, and her team is entirely thrilled to go ahead with it. They decide they’ll showcase activewear compatible with maternity fitness. Nivea is the same, inviting her to model for a campaign for their new body moisturizers.

The dates for her photo-shoots arrive towards the end of July, just as she reaches the six-month-mark in her pregnancy. She’s far enough along to be showing an obvious bump, but also early enough that she still has a lot of energy. Her production teams are effusive in their excitement, insisting she has even more of a glow about her during her pregnancy than before - it’ll be the easiest job in the world, they insist, and she thinks they might be right.

Tessa fully enjoys herself at both campaign shoots, especially the activewear. Staying committed to a physical fitness routine is something she’s been diligent about the last few months. It’s something she’s only now starting to modify as her body changes along with her balance and agility. She’s proud to show her figure like this, in many ways feeling stronger than ever.

Those in her team who she’s closest with, and known the longest, also know more of her story about how her pregnancy came to be. They know she’s embarking on motherhood solo, by choice, and is completely happy about it. Although Tessa certainly hasn’t been hiding her pregnancy - those who follow her social media accounts have definitely known for over a month now - she knows both brand campaigns will bring attention to it on a whole different level. But ultimately, she’s happy where she is, and the way her body looks right now is a reflection of that. As she looks at the photo proofs later she feels even more confident in that feeling. They’ve shown her in poses just as active and powerful as she would have been before. She leaves the photo-shoots feeling energized and excited, looking forward to the last few months of her pregnancy.

 

*

It’s an odd, amazing thing, she thinks, the way her body so clearly shows the passing of time each month. It’s not just the way she looks but how she feels, adjusting to the way her centre of gravity has shifted, modifying the way she moves and balances. The occasional tearful moments she experienced earlier on have given way to stronger bursts of emotion, and mood swings that take her by surprise. She’s experiencing all of the changes she’s watched so many other women in her life go through, and is amazed by so much of  it.

In those moments she’s almost glad she doesn’t need to worry about having someone else around to manage her or try to explain why she’s feeling like this - the truth is some days she has a hard time explaining it even to herself. She finds herself connecting with Jordan a lot more, messaging her and phoning her with questions - and also shared excitement. Jordan’s children are all old enough now that she can remember her pregnancies with affection and at times even nostalgia. Tessa’s glad she’ll have her with her for the birth, as well as their mother.

Having more energy back is also a blessing. There are days she feels like she could conquer the world, like she’s trying to do anything and everything she can before the baby comes. She busies herself wrapping up her work commitments, practicing recipes, assembling the last of the furniture for the baby’s room.

But there are days - and nights - when that energy spills over into something different. When she feels the rush of desire come over her all at once, and suddenly wishes she had someone to touch her, to be touched by her right back. She lets her hands wander her body, settling between her legs and working herself until she finds release. At times it’s almost too easy, bringing herself to completion on her own. Other nights she struggles, frustrated almost to the point of tears. She imagines someone’s hands touching her, roaming along her body - sometimes rough and fast, but more often soothing, gently but firmly seeking the release of her pleasure.

Tessa wonders if it’s the simple rush of so many hormones coursing inside her; just the product of so many more blood cells flowing through her body. Other times she wonders if it’s a physical reaction to her solitude, her body telling her she doesn’t need to be on her own like this if she doesn’t want to. Because as happy and excited as she is that motherhood is going to be part of her life, she can’t deny it would be easier if she had a partner to do this with. Someone to parent with, to share this new world of hers.

Eventually as the weeks pass, she feels that physical energy starting to ease. Her body starts to settle, like there’s only one purpose left for it to focus on. But those questions and uncertainties still linger in the back of her mind. She doesn’t know exactly what her life going to look like, and there are so many unknowns ahead. Still, what she’s left with is an even stronger desire to be good mother, as well as she possibly can. She feels ready to meet this new identity, this new path in her life, and hopes when the time arrives she’ll be ready for everything else that will come along with it.  
  


*

Towards the end of August Tessa returns to Montreal for Anna and Ravi’s wedding. Scott’s glad to see her again, not to mention so, so thrilled to see his young proteges celebrate their marriage. And he knows Tessa’s glad to have the all-clear to be able to travel for it. It’s a warm Friday almost at the end of the summer, and today’s celebration is the first of two over the course of the weekend. Ravi’s parents are hosting the modern Sikh ceremony followed by an enormous reception at a sprawling banquet hall just outside Montreal, followed on Sunday by a Catholic ceremony and reception in the city hosted by Anna’s family.

Scott makes the drive with Tessa. He’d picked her up at the airport with enough time for her to have a scant couple of hours at his house before driving off again - she got a little bit of time with the kids before getting refreshed and changed. He’s also flying solo tonight, having reluctantly decided to leave the kids with a sitter for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

“I promised to make it up to them,” Scott tells her on the drive, a bit of regret in his voice. “It’s been a lot of barbeques and parties this summer, I think they don’t like the idea of me getting to go to one without them.”

He’s not exaggerating when he tells her that. He’s had a few times this summer when doing things on his own has resulted in meltdowns - even heading out for a day at the rink while the kids spend the day with their sitter, which was nothing out of the ordinary before. He’d felt like they had all started to do so well by the time the school year ended, but then the routine had changed for the summer and it was like they had to start all over again to find their family balance. There have been days when he’s left all of them in tears but returned home to discover they seem to be doing okay again, leaving him feeling a strange cocktail of emotions - guilt, confusion, relief, and more grief all mixed together. He’s working so hard to figure it out.

“I suspect they’ll forgive you,” Tessa says, smiling. “It’ll be a long night tonight by the time everything wraps up. Frankly I’ll be amazed to see how long I last.”

“Ah, don’t hang up your dancing shoes just yet, T. You’ve got me to lean on, you know.”

She chuckles gently, a little wryly, he thinks. “I’m not hanging them up yet, don’t worry. But these days it’s not just up to me anymore,” she adds with a sigh.

Scott steals a glance at her, in the passenger seat next to him. He’s glad to see she has a smile on her face. If she’s feeling any fatigue these days he doesn’t think she’s showing it. It seems to him she’s completely living up to stereotype, looking radiant and happy. She’s much rounder since he last saw her almost two months ago, and he can tell she’s had to adjust the way she moves. He also thinks the baby must be very active lately, from how often she puts a hand over her belly, pressing and resting in different places.

Seeing her like this makes him happy, reassured that she’s doing well. It also makes him remember how it was with Christine, when she was pregnant both times. He finds himself able to remember moments like that more easily now, with fondness and affection and not just with sadness - even though grief still tints his memories. He has a lot in his life to be grateful for - a lot of  _ people _ to be grateful for, really - and he’s more able to remind himself of that lately. He’s not sure what the finish line looks like, with grief like this - or if there even is one. But he feels like he’s making progress.

“The kids’ll forgive me once they get to come on Sunday, you’re right,” he says. “Besides, I think Renée might actually never speak to me again if she doesn’t get to see Anna in at least one of her pretty dresses.”

“Two ceremonies, how amazing,” Tessa says, a half-dreamy sigh. “I’m sure it’s been a ton of work, but how lucky they are.”

“I think it was equal parts keeping their families happy and just leaning into having as much celebration as possible,” Scott ponders out loud. “And maybe a little bit of friendly competition to see who puts on the best ‘do,” he adds.

Tessa laughs abruptly. “Don’t underestimate that,” she says. “They’re both only children, right?” She waves her hand as though that explains everything. “It’s a wonder they’re getting away with only two parties. They should have lobbied for a full week’s worth.”

“Oh God, don’t get them started on that. I think that was very much on the table at one point and they managed to talk their parents down. I definitely told them they should be taking more than a week for their honeymoon but they insisted they didn’t need it.”

“Ah, they’re still training though. I remember those days, taking a week off at the beginning of the season was a huge deal.”

“True,” he says, thinking back. “But so worth it, right?”

“Of course it was,” Tessa answers. “But then of course that’s obvious  _ now _ .” She sighs once more. “Oh, to be twenty-something and innocent again.”

“Be serious, T,” he says, side-eyeing her for a long moment as he pulls into the parking lot of their destination. “You were never  _ that _ innocent.”

She’s still laughing as he finishes parking the car.  
  


* 

The ceremony is beautiful, and Tessa catches herself wiping away happy tears as the young couple exchange their vows. She looks over at one point to where Scott’s sitting on the men’s side, and sees he’s blinking quickly, spots of pink on his cheeks. It makes her smile.

Then everyone’s led over to the lavish and buoyant reception. When it’s Tessa’s turn in the greeting line she throws her arms around Anna in a heartfelt embrace, which the young woman returns happily. Tessa’s just as enthusiastic in hugging Ravi, and she’s pleased to see them relaxed and enjoying themselves.

The reception brings music, and speeches, and so much good food. After dinner winds down the dancing starts - first one with the happy couple, presented formally for the first time as Annamaria and Ravinder Singh. Then there’s a few group dances, and then dance floor opens up and everyone else starts joining in.

True to her reputation Tessa dances for a little while, mostly at Scott’s side or in his arms. There’s a moment during an upbeat number when Anna and Ravi invite them to take the centre of the floor. They dance together to a few familiar steps from years past, their legs and feet remembering the well-worn moves. The crowd cheers them as Tessa and Scott step back to the side and make way for Marie-France and Patrice to take their place, high-fiving them as they trade places.

But even Tessa has to admit she’s not quite as light on her feet as she normally would be. Before too long she feels her hips and feet start to ache, and sweat running down the back of her neck. She looks over at Scott and nods in the direction of their table. He nods too, leaning in to speak in her ear amidst the noise of the crowd.

“I’ll go grab us some dessert,” he says. “See you back at the table in a sec?”

Tessa nods eagerly, relieved that he still seems to be able to read her mind sometimes.  _ At least that much hasn’t changed _ , she thinks.

A few minutes later she’s seated comfortably, leaning back in her chair with her shoes kicked off. She sees Scott making his way over to her with two plates in his hand - plates that look pretty full to brimming, even from far away. As he approaches she just starts shaking her head, seeing how many different cakes and sweets he’s managed to collect all at once.

“Don’t give me that look,” Scott says, setting one of the plates down in front of her. “I didn’t want to make the wrong choice, so,  _ ta-da _ ,” he says with a flourish, sitting down next to her with his own plate. “One of everything!” His plate looks identical to hers.

Tessa laughs, sitting up a little straighter and reaching for her fork. “In that case, I salute your choice,” she says. She starts with a bite of cake and it’s delicious. “Definitely right,” she repeats, her shoulders relaxing as she enjoys the treat.

“Good. You deserve it, Tess,” he adds, a little more softly. Their table is just far enough away from the dance floor that they can hear each other properly without shouting. They spend a few moments simply eating and chatting, in easy conversation.

“Is Anna changing her name, then?” Tessa asks, her mind wandering back again to the couple of the hour.

“It looks like it,” Scott says, “but not for competition. The world knows them as Ricci and Singh, so they’ll keep competing under those names.”

“That makes sense,” Tessa considers. “Are they still worried about keeping a consistent image for the judges?”

“They might be,” he says, thinking out loud. “But you know, that’s the thing - I feel like they might actually be settling into their training a little differently this year.”

“In a good way?” Tessa asks.

“I think so,” Scott says. “I think last year rattled them in a way they didn’t expect. Not getting to the podium at the end of it. But this year...I don’t know, it feels different.  _ They _ feel different.”

Tessa nods, thinking back to last winter and spring, only a few months ago but feeling much, much farther away than that. She wishes she could spend more time with them. Mentally she adds it to the now-growing list of things she’ll have to put off until later. Until after the baby comes and she gets back to her regular life again.

Just then she feels the baby move - a sound roll and a kick that brings her out of her thoughts. Lately it feels sometimes like the baby’s moving all the time, at any hour of the day or night. She’s started to get used to it. Tessa sets down her fork and puts one hand on one side of her round belly, pressing a little. She’s rewarded with another kick in the same place, even stronger than the first one.

She looks over and notices Scott, his gaze following the movement of her hand. He’s set his fork down too, the start of a smile on his face.

“Do you want to feel?” she says then, wondering at his expression.

“Can I?” He asks. He’s already halfway to reaching out his hand, but hesitating.

Tessa doesn’t bother answering, just reaches right away for his hand with hers and places it in the spot she was just touching. She’s expecting another kick in the same place and she’s right - it’s not long before there’s a push against her skin right there, just underneath Scott’s fingers.

He lets out a laugh, a quick, excited burst that makes her smile just as widely. He flattens his hand fully against her belly and she lets her hands rest in her lap as they wait some more. The next nudge comes a little lower than the last one, so Scott shifts his hand over, feeling the little burst of movement.

“You’ve got a real dancer in there, T,” he says, a pensive expression on his face. He shifts his hand once more, waiting to feel one more kick. She wonders what he’s thinking about right now, or remembering.

“I know,” Tessa answers, a little ruefully. “She likes it when I eat sweet things.”

“Just like her mama,” he offers knowingly, before lifting his hand away. “Wait, she?” he asks suddenly. “Is it a girl?”

“Oh, well, actually I don’t know for sure yet,” she says, blushing a little. She rests both hands on her stomach, rubbing a little back and forth. “Just lately I’ve started thinking of it as a ‘her,’” she admits. “I’m not sure why.”

“Maybe it is a girl,” he offers. “That would be so amazing for you, Tess.”

“I’ll be happy either way,” she insists. And truly, she will be. But lately when she dreams, there’s a little girl there sometimes, and she can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason for that.

Scott reaches out a hand to hers and squeezes, reassuring, before letting go again. “You’re gonna do great.”

“I hope so,” she says. “It’s definitely getting closer now.”

“Yeah, I remember that feeling,” he says, like he’s thinking back in his memories. “Starts to feel more real every week, right?”

“You can say that again,” she breathes out, half-laughing. “No going back now.”

Scott turns to glance at her, looking like he’s wondering something. “But you’re ready, though, right T? You said you’ve got the baby’s room ready, and your birth plan, and everything looks healthy,” he says, repeating the things she knows she’s told him many times now.

“I know. And you’re right, I’ve done all the right things. And Mom and Jordan will be with me when it happens,” she says. She hesitates, not sure what she’s missing except that it feels like something is.

He sits back in his chair, pensive and quiet for a moment. “Do you…” he starts but then stops again. Just like when he’d reached to feel the baby but then stopped himself, she thinks. 

“What is it, Scott?”

“Well, just that if you need to, you can message me. Or call me if you think it would help to hear my voice, whatever. Just…” he lets out a breath. “I’m here for you if you need me, that’s all. When it happens.” He smiles at her again, more gently this time but with something else underneath - she can’t tell if he’s genuinely worried for her, or if he’s saying what he thinks she needs to hear...or maybe he’s worried about how  _ he’ll _ feel when the time comes and wants to be able to know how she’s doing. She's told him all about her plans to give birth at home and how excellent her midwives are, but wonders if he just wants the reassurance of knowing he'll be able to hear how she's doing. Either way, she's extremely touched.

“That’s...I’d like that, Scott.” Tessa smiles back at him, mirroring his expression. She feels tears springing to her eyes as she says it, suddenly emotional and so grateful. She reaches her hand over to rest on his arm, sliding down slowly towards his wrist, and then his palm. “Thank you for offering that, it...it means a lot,” she adds, nodding in emphasis.

He relaxes his hand under hers, lacing their fingers together in a familiar hold from so long ago. “Anything for you, Tess, you know that. Anytime.”  
  


 

*

It wasn’t long after the tragic events of the previous winter when Scott realized that this year was going to filled with terrible firsts: the first summer spent without Christine; the first of their children’s birthdays celebrated without their mother; the first Thanksgiving without all of them together as a family. 

He’s spent the last several months re-discovering all the infinite small ways Christine kept their family supported and happy - she knew just the right cookies that Renée liked from the store, where he always seems to guess wrong; she had a file with all of their birth certificates and school reports and medical records that he had forgotten where she kept it until the first time he’d needed to fill in a form and had to go looking; she knew all the names of the neighbours in every house to the end of the block, pets included. It’s brought him moments of powerful sadness, reliving his grief for her each time.

When the time comes for him to meet the first school year without her in September, he gets to the end of the first week and finds he’s barely managing to hold himself together.

That Friday Scott gets the kids fed and bathed and into bed as patiently as he can, glad that they’ve seemed to take this week in stride a little better than he has. He retreats to his bedroom alone, shoulders slumping as he sits heavily on his side of the bed. He puts his head in his hands and lets himself cry, releasing all of the emotions that have built in him that week, that he’s been trying to hold in for the sake of his children.

After a few moments he starts to even out a little, catching his breath. He realizes then that he hadn’t managed to completely close his bedroom door, noticing it sitting ajar. And then, a little hand and face appear.

Scott swallows, immediately wiping at his cheeks with his hands. He hears Aidan stepping into the room, climbing up next to him.

“Daddy, are you crying?”

“Yeah, I was. I’m sorry,” He clears his throat, trying to steady his voice.

Aidan leans next to him, snuggling close and putting his arms around Scott’s waist.

“I’m sorry, buddy, I didn’t want to wake you up. Or make you worry about me.” He kisses the top of Aidan’s head, and puts both of his arms around him.

The kids have seen him cry before, several times since February. But not as much recently. He hasn’t been sure how to express his own difficult emotions in front of them when it’s felt more important to help them work through theirs. And they’ve been doing better lately, he thinks.

“But it’s okay to cry. Mrs. Ling says,” Aidan tells him. Their amazing kindergarten teacher from last year, he remembers. They still get to see her this year, too, since their new class is just next door to hers.

“Yeah? Well she’s a pretty smart teacher,” Scott says.

“Were you crying about Mommy?” he asks then, quiet but clear. He looks up at Scott, his expression full of concern but also something like understanding.

“Yeah, I was,” Scott says again. He holds him closer. “I still feel sad that she’s gone sometimes,” he explains, his voice faltering.

“Me too,” Aidan says.

“I know you do,” he says, exhaling, his breath evening out a little. “Some days it’s harder that others, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Aidan tucks himself closer, and Scott just gathers him all the way into his arms then, fitting him on his lap like he used to when the boys were so much younger. Like he still sometimes does with Renee now.

“Tell me about what you do when you feel sad,” Scott asks him. He shuffles over a little bit, so he can lean back against the pillows, sitting upright with Aidan on his lap.

“I talk to Max about it,” he says. “Or you. Or my teacher.”

Scott nods, remembering times when he’s seen those conversations in action. “Those are all good people to talk to,” he agrees. “What else do you do?”

Aidan thinks for a moment. “I think about things we did with Mommy when she was here,” he says.

“Yeah?” Scott says, a brief, wobbly laugh escaping him. “Does it help to do that?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Aidan answers, quietly again. “Because she loved us a lot. And we got to do lots of fun things together,” he explains, like it’s so simple.

“We did, bud, you’re so right about that.” He kisses the top of his head again, rocking him a little. “Why don’t you tell me about some of those, that might help me right now too.”

So Aidan does. He talks about remembering going to the Olympics together, and when they had Christmas last year. And some everyday memories too, from when she would pick them up from school or have treats for them on weekends. But he can tell Aidan’s sleepy, too, so Scott takes over and starts telling him some of his own memories, including a few stories from before he and his brother and sister were born.

After a little while Scott can feel Aidan relax against him, his breathing light and steady in sleep once more. He lets himself hold him a little more before bringing him back to bed, comforted by the warm weight of his son in his arms.  
  


*

Happily, September also brings the return of Anna and Ravi to Gadbois. They arrive back fresh and rejuvenated after their honeymoon, ready to continue training and prepare for the season ahead. With only a week’s vacation Scott insisted their time away was too brief, for them to truly relax and enjoy each other’s company before the season kicks into gear.

But as he sits down with them, Scott finds them both contented and focussed in a way he hasn’t quite seen from them before. He’s not sure if it’s the bloom of new marriage, or the energy and excitement that comes with the start of a season, or some combination of the two. He wonders if being married has given them a fresh sense of freedom and independence, of being ready and willing to make their choices more decisively.

Either way, he’s more than a little surprised when they broach the topic of his coaching status before he does.

“We want to keep skating with you,” Anna says, smiling and heartfelt. “You’re still our coach, and you’re still who we want to work with in our last competitive years.”

“The next Olympics will be our last,” Ravi adds, more matter of fact. “I think all of us know that.” Scott nods, knowing this is something they’ve speculated on before. By 2030 Anna and Ravi will both be in their mid-twenties, young enough that they could certainly keep going if they wanted to, but old enough that no one would fault them for concluding their competitive career.

“And we know it’s not a guarantee that it will be a podium finish for us when we get there,” Anna says, a little more quietly.

“It’s not, and that’s a good thing to recognize going in,” Scott says. Then he shakes his head. “But I do think the podium is in reach,” he admits honestly. “There’s a lot of unknowns, and we can’t predict everything that will happen in the next three years. But I think you guys could do it, if it’s something you want to shoot for.”

They both nod right away, entirely synchronized.  

“We do want to,” Ravi says. “And we want to do it with you, and...we will join you in Toronto if that’s still where you think you’ll be in a year.” He looks over at Anna who nods again, in complete agreement.

It’s true that Scott hasn’t changed his mind about wanting to make his way to Toronto by this time next year, and he’d been ready to talk it out with them in case they need it. He’s thinks they’ll enjoy working with Eric, and possibly Shae-Lynn, too, if she’d be willing to divide some of her time with them at the Cricket Club. He’s also started wondering if Kaitlyn and Andrew would join in at some point - he knows they’ve been enjoying their time in the States the last couple of years but that Andrew has been eyeing a return to southern Ontario, too.

He’s also started thinking about Tessa, and whether she would like to join forces with him on the coaching side just like she did in Montreal these last couple of years. He hasn’t talked to her about it yet - goodness knows she’ll have her hands full in the next several months at least, and he wouldn’t dare intrude on her time before she’s ready. But Toronto and London are close enough that he thinks it could work, even on a part-time basis. He’s just got to bide his time before he asks her about it.

Right now he can tell just by looking at Anna and Ravi that they’ve had long discussions about this, between the two of them. He’s very glad about that, since the timing could be so right for many different reasons. They don’t actually need convincing about Toronto - they’ve already planned for it in their minds, too. He smiles fondly, listening to them talk further about their programs for this year and what they’re hoping to learn from the upcoming Autumn Classic, and then their Grand Prix circuit after that.

“Guys, promise me you did not spend your entire honeymoon planning out the next three years of your lives,” Scott interjects, amazed and impressed.

“No, that wasn’t all we did,” Ravi answers quickly. 

But then they both react immediately, cheeks flushing pink and knowing smiles coming over their faces - which makes Scott infinitely happy. In many ways he thinks they’re still the young bashful teenagers he started working with so many years ago, so adoring of each other and so fearless with their hearts.  

“I’m glad to hear it,” Scott says, laughing. “Okay, so let’s talk about what we’re aiming for this year,” he adds, saving them. “We’ll take over the world one step at a time,” he promises.

And as they continue talking and planning, he thinks that might just be what they’ll do.

 

*

By the time Thanksgiving arrives Tessa feels ready. The baby’s room is ready, the house is ready, her midwives have started to do home visits with her to make sure  _ she’s _ ready. With a little over a month to go she finds herself alternating between anxious restlessness and complete fatigue. And the baby’s grown so much now that Tessa almost wonders how much room it’s going to have left by the time she gives birth. She’s ready to be closer to that time, to when the baby will drop lower and ease some of the breathlessness she feels sometimes.

And mostly, she feels so, so ready to meet her baby.

She’s also reached the point where there’s almost no other conversation people want to have with her except talk about the baby coming. She sees her mother regularly these days, and Alma sometimes too, as well as her brothers and their wives, and they always ask how she’s doing, and how much longer she has to go, and if she’s ready.  _ Yes _ , she always tells them.  _ I’m so ready I could scream _ , is the part she wants to say, but doesn’t.

So, Tessa’s more than ready to be distracted by Thanksgiving by the time the holiday weekend comes around. She and her mother are headed to the Moirs’ family gathering on the Monday, but Tessa insisted on hosting the Virtue celebrations at her house on Sunday - albeit with food preparation support from the rest of her family. They’ve allowed her to do the turkey -  _ It’s actually the easiest part of the whole meal, mother - _ she’d insisted, having already had good results on several roast chickens and even a roast duck a few years back. Between the rest of her family all of the other dishes and desserts are more than covered.

But mostly the holiday weekend means she’ll get to spend time with Scott and his children, which is what she’s been looking forward to for weeks and weeks. It already feels like an age since she’s seen them, and she doesn’t mind admitting that she misses them. Video chats and phone calls aren’t the same. When she’d been to visit them in August they’d shown her the map board in their kitchen - with all the pins and photos of everyone in their family all across the country. It had touched her in a way she hadn’t expected, seeing her own photo in the little cluster of London and Ilderton folks, and on the same board with all of Scott’s siblings and their families.

It showed her that they think of her as family - all of them do. And she includes them in her family, too. She can’t imagine spending a holiday without them, now, not after so many years.

So, she’s done everything she can think of to make sure they enjoy their visit to her house. Kevin helped her set up an old Playstation on the television in her basement, because she remembers how Max and Aidan were discovering video games over the summer. Jordan’s boys have enjoyed playing street hockey for a couple of years, so she sets up some nets in the driveway in case Scott’s sons want to join them in a game before dinner. And she’s collected some colouring supplies and storybooks that she thinks Renee might like - including some titles she remembered reading with her last spring, ones that seemed like favourites.

“Tess, you know nesting is supposed to be for the baby, right?” Jordan asks her, sipping a glass of wine as they wait for the guests to arrive. Tessa’s in the middle of double-checking everything in the kitchen, making sure the snacks are the right ones and that she got the juice Max and Aidan like.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Tessa says, only slightly sarcastic. She’s scrolling through a mental list of preparations for the day and so far hasn’t come up with anything she’s forgotten.

“I just mean...you know Scott’s pretty chill, Tessa. So are his kids. He doesn’t care what juice boxes you put out, he just wants to see  _ you _ , you idiot.”

“Yeah,” she says, knowing her sister is right. “I just want the kids to feel welcome here. I don’t see them enough and...well I just want them to leave feeling like they’ve had a good time.”

Jordan chuckles a little. “Tess, they adore you. And you have enough pies and cookies to serve forty. They will have a  _ great time _ .”

“Jo, it’s my only holiday I get to host myself before the baby, okay? Let me have this one?”

Jordan takes another sip of wine and sighs knowingly. “Okay, just this once. But next Thanksgiving you’re gonna be more chill, right?”

“Well, probably not,” Tessa thinks, offering her sister a wink. “But I’ll do my best.”

“Of course you will, darling,” Kate says, breezing into the kitchen with a few more bottles of wine from the fridge downstairs. “And we’re all here to help, just remember that,” she adds with a pointed glance at her youngest daughter.

Tessa offers her mother an exaggerated grin, resisting the urge to stick out her tongue like a petulant child. It’s times like these she can’t tell the difference between her family supporting her or treating her like a near-invalid. She may be nearly eight months pregnant but she hasn’t lost all ability to function.

It’s not long before the rest of her guests arrive. Kevin shows up first with his wife and daughter, then Casey and his family. By the time Scott and his crew arrive the house is already filled with laughter and noise. She hears the car pull up on the street and walks out to meet them.

Renée runs for her first, happily scampering across the lawn in greeting. Tessa holds out her hands and crouches down, excited to offer her a hug. Renée throws her little arms around her and it’s the best feeling in the world.

“Oh it’s so good to see you sweetie,” Tessa says, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve missed you so much! Did you grow since I saw you last?”

Renée just grins back at her, bouncing a little. “I did!”

“You’re not seeing things,” Scott says, approaching with a few full tote bags in his hands, Max and Aidan just behind him. “She’s an inch taller since the summer. I think that school of hers puts something in the water,” he jokes. By the time he reaches Tessa she’s standing again, ready with her arms wide open. He puts down his things, wrapping her in a tight hug. Tessa squeezes him back tightly, pressing herself as close to him as she can. She’s missed him so much, more so than ever this last month. 

Scott presses a kiss to her temple and then another, before pulling away. “You look good, T,” he says with a gentle smile. He pats a hand on her belly, quickly and gently.

“Thanks,” she says, grinning. “You do too.” She turns then to Aidan, who smiles shyly before running to give her a hug, too. He doesn’t quite reach around her waist but she hugs him as best she can, anyway.

Renée drifts off to investigate the lawn and the hedges in front of the house. Max hangs back a little, though, appearing even a little reluctant. Scott puts his hand on his shoulder, coaxing him forward. “Hey buddy, you want to say hi to Auntie Tess? We get to hang out with her the whole rest of the day,” he says.

Tessa holds out an arm, looking for a hug from him, too. Eventually Max comes to her, giving her a quick hug and ducking his head. “Hi,” he says.

“Hi back,” she tells him. “I’ve missed seeing you boys. I’m so glad you’re here, we’re going to have a great Thanksgiving, okay?”

Both Max and Aidan nod. “Did Jake and Nathan come too?” Aidan asks. Tessa smiles, glad they remember playing with Jordan’s sons at her party back in the summer.

She nods back. “Yep, they’re inside,” she says. “And they can show you where the snacks are, ok?”

Both boys light up at the mention of treats, so Tessa gestures for them to head inside and they do. Tessa turns back to Scott with a quizzical look.

“Max might need a little...warming up, this visit,” he tells her. He glances briefly at Renée, still happily checking out a late cluster of soft dandelions.

Tessa’s brow furrows. “Oh,” she says, thinking. “What can I do?”

He picks up his things again, and Tessa takes one of the bags from his hands to help him. “I don’t think anything in particular,” he says. “Just...just be you, T. I think...I think he’s finally figured out you’re not coming back to Montreal,” he tells her, his voice reluctant. “He just has to get used to it. To the idea that you’re getting your own family, too.”

“Oh, Scott,” she says, suddenly so melancholy. She thinks back to the last few times she’s called them, trying to remember how Max had seemed. She hadn’t thought anything amiss at the time, but maybe she just hadn’t been paying close enough attention. “I…” she starts to respond but can’t think what to say.

Scott puts his hand at her shoulder. “It’s okay, T, he’ll come around. He always does,” he reasons. “He always was a little more stubborn than Aidan. Even when they were babies,” he adds. He looks over at Renée and calls to her, holding out his hand for her to come join him again. She pulls at a few of the dandelions and then comes running over.

“I suppose you’re right,” Tessa says, still a little uncertain.

“It’ll be okay, Tess,” he says again. “Just set them up with food and games and they’ll remember that you’re the awesomest person on the whole planet, just like always.” He nudges her shoulder with his just before they step inside the house.

She laughs a little, in spite of herself. “Well  _ that _ we can handle.”

Scott chuckles too, closing the door behind them as Renée scampers inside, immediately curious to say hi to Tessa’s niece Poppy, who’s so grown up now. “Tess, aren’t I always telling you there’s nothing you can’t handle?”

“You are,” she says. “But please just keep telling me at least one more time.”

 

*

True to his predictions, all three of his kids have a great time. He watches admiringly as Tessa pays attention to all of them, but especially Max. She and her brothers and Scott take the time before dinner showing all the older kids the street hockey nets out front. Tessa insists on cheering for Max’s team, coaching them all directly from the sidelines. She starts giving Max special hints and tips, using what she knows about Scott and Casey to help Max. He accepts it all gleefully, intrigued by the idea that someone knows his dad well enough to scheme like that. It’s a good game by the end.

By the time dinner finishes, though, Scott can tell she’s ready to not do much more than sit.  Scott offers to help with cleanup, and finds himself in the kitchen with Kate and Jordan, all three of them shooing Tessa back out to the living room.

The boys have gone down to the basement to play video games with Jake and Jordan and Casey, but he can tell Renée’s starting to fade too and is ready for some quiet company. It’s already starting to verge on her normal bedtime. Scott takes her into the living room where Tessa’s sitting with her feet up. He casts his eye around the room - he would have sworn Tessa had a pile of books in here earlier, and he even recognized some of the titles. His gaze lights on the bookshelf nearby, and he winks at Tessa, who’s been watching them inquisitively the whole time.

“Should we see if Tess wants to read a book?” he asks his daughter, finding the little pile on the bookshelf. He pulls out a few of them and Renée looks them over. She points excitedly at the ones she recognizes and then grabs for them.

“I’d  _ love _ to read a book,” Tessa says. He can tell she’s tired, but still wanting so much to spend time with Renée. The two of them always read stories together, whenever she visits.

He watches as his daughter climbs up onto the couch, settling easily next to Tessa, against her side. She holds out one book, a classic he remembers from years ago.

“Oh I love this one,” Tessa says to Renée, holding out her arm to allow the girl to snuggle close to her side. She opens the cover to the first page of  _ The Paper Bag Princess _ , smoothing the fresh pages crisply.

He exchanges a warm glance with Tessa, glad to see his daughter so comfortable with her. He leaves them to it, carrying on with Kate and Jordan, cleaning up the rest of the dishes and straightening up the kitchen.

By the time he comes back into the living room a half hour later, he finds them just where he left them, resting against each other. They’ve both nodded off, all of the books from earlier discarded on Tessa’s lap. Renée’s dozed off next to Tessa on the couch, with Tessa’s arm resting around her.

 

*

It’s on a morning in the second week of November when Scott gets the message from Tessa. -  _ ‘Looks like today’s the day.’  _ He’s surprised how excited he is about this, even having known about it for so long. It’s not his baby, but it’s still Tessa, and he knows she knows that he’ll worry about her.

_ ‘False labour yesterday not so false after all. Four centimetres now, gang’s all here and ready.’ _  That means her mother and Jordan are with her like she’d planned, which makes him glad to know she's got that support. Along with her midwives who she's praised several times. 

_ ‘You’re gonna do great, T’ _ , he texts back. ‘ _ Tell Jordan she better keep me updated, too.’  _ He knows someone will - Tessa told him she made sure contact with him was part of her birth plan - but also he wants Tessa to be able to focus on what she needs to do.

_ 'You think I won’t be able to do it myself, Moir?’ _

' _Ha ha, I think I still remember how hard Chris squeezed my hand when the boys came.’_

More than a minute passes before her response comes.  _ ‘Thank God I only have to do this for one.’ _

_ ‘Contraction?’ _

_ ‘Yeah.’ _

_ ‘Make Jordan do whatever you need her to do ok? Or your mom. You got a good team with you Virtch.’ _

_ ‘You’ll get updates either way, OK?’ _

_ ‘You’re gonna do great,’ _ he repeats.

He goes about his day as normally as possible, but still ends up checking his phone every ten minutes just in case he misses a notification from her. He learns she’s taken a few walks around the house, up and down stairs, and then a little later tries a short bath. By the time the afternoon wears on she’s moved back to her bed, her mother helping her to breathe through the contractions. Her sister takes over the messages by that point.

The latest text from Jordan comes just as he’s leaving the rink by the end of the day - ‘ _ Finally made it to seven centimetres. Hopefully speeding up now,’ _ she says. He heads out to pick up the kids and take them to the boys’ hockey practice - Renée likes to watch, or colour, or sit snuggled next to her dad while her brothers are out on the ice.

Scott hesitates telling them about Tessa just yet, a bit of superstitious worry flickering in the back of his mind. Instead he gets them pizza on the way to practice - a rare treat lately that still thrills them - and reminds himself there’s probably nothing to worry about, she’s in good hands. It’s her first baby, sometimes it takes longer.

By the time practice is over and he’s got all three of the kids back home and cleaned up in PJs and tucked into bed, he realizes it’s been a while since he’s heard anything. ‘ _ Everything OK?’ _ he taps out, making his way downstairs while he waits for Jordan’s answer. In the kitchen he pulls out a bottle of beer from the fridge but doesn’t open it yet, waiting.

A minute later his screen lights up with Jordan’s name and number, and he accepts the video call. Her face appears on screen and he can tell right away this isn’t the celebration call just yet.

“Talk to me, Jord, what’s going on?”

“She’s still at eight centimetres, or at least that’s where she was two hours ago,” Jordan says. She pauses, as though choosing what else to say next. It looks like she’s standing in Tessa’s kitchen, he can see the counter and cupboards behind her. Which means she left Tessa’s room to call Scott, he realizes. “She might be more than eight centimetres, now, but she didn’t want Sandra to check her progress the last time, and in any case she hasn’t wanted to start pushing yet.”

Scott nods, absorbing this quickly. “How is she?” is the only question in his mind.

“She’s tired, and it’s been going since yesterday morning, and Sandra and Jen are starting to get worried.”

“Okay. Okay,” he repeats, willing himself not to sound as concerned as he suddenly feels.

He remembers when Renée was born it had felt like only minutes between when the doctors made the call to do a C-section and when they’d wheeled Christine into the operating room. And Tessa isn’t even  _ at _ the hospital. “Are they going to move her?”  

“Not yet. But if she doesn’t make progress soon or if she can’t keep her energy…” she pauses, not completing the sentence.

“What can I do? Can I talk to her?”

“That’s why I’ve got you on video,” she explains. “We need you to talk to her, just...just talk to her, see if you can get her to focus. Sandra thinks if she can just focus enough to let her body relax then maybe things will take over on their own and she’ll progress, it’s just... Tess is so tired and she can tell people are getting nervous, and how long everything is taking and it’s stressing her out.” She swallows. “I think if she had a different voice to focus on, your voice-” Her voice is breaking just slightly, and that’s all he needs.

“Let me talk to her.”

He watches the screen as Jordan briskly winds her way back up to Tessa’s bedroom. He’s standing then, too, on the verge of pacing in the middle of his dim kitchen.

The phone is turned so he can see the others in the room as Jordan enters it, and when he sees Tessa all he can think all of a sudden is that he wishes he was there with her. He can tell already she’s frustrated and so, so worn out, almost at her breaking point.

Jordan must be sitting opposite Tessa on the bed, now, with how the phone is angled. She’s resting on her side, body curled up as if protecting herself. Her messy hair is pulled back from her face. One of her arms is reached out in front of her, the other curled beside her head on the pillow. In the rest of the screen he can make out Kate, sitting up behind her on the bed, gently rubbing her hand down Tessa’s back, over and over again. He’s glad Tessa can’t see the expression on her face just then.

Dimly he hears Jordan say something about Scott being on the line now.

“Tess? It’s me, Tess, I’m here,” he says, just feeling grateful he’s talking to her.  

“Scott?” Her eyes are still closed.

“Yeah, kiddo. I’m right here,” he says again. “You’re doing so good, T, you’re so close now, okay?”

Tessa inhales and then exhales quickly, her eyes opening to look towards the screen. She looks like she’s about to say something and then abruptly stops, her face contorting as a contraction grips her body. She gasps, something like a strangled cry sounding as she tenses against the pain.

“Tess, you gotta breathe okay? In and out, remember? Breathe for me…”

He can still read the pain in her face but she tries to do as he says, taking in air and then letting it out again, first quick and halting then a little more slowly. Eventually it comes to an end and she reverts to the same posture as before.

“Hurts, Scott,” she mumbles. “I’m so tired.”

“I know you are, you’ve been working so hard, you’re doing so well, okay?”

Her head shakes in answer before he finishes his sentence, before she can find her voice. “I’m not, though, I can’t do it. I don’t know...” Just then her expression breaks and she pulls a hand to cover her face and he knows she’s crying now. Her whole body shudders and he watches as Kate shifts to lean beside her, her hand running down her arm. She says something to Tessa but he can’t make it out.

“You can do it, Tess,” he tells her, “I know you can. You’re going to do it so soon, you’re almost there. And everyone’s there to help you, remember? You’re gonna be okay.” He feels like he’s saying these things as much for his own benefit as hers, trying as hard as he can to keep his voice even and steady.

He can see her shuddering and then pausing to breathe in again.  _ Good, T, keep breathing. Stay breathing, please. _ Eventually she nods again, her gasps starting to calm. “Okay,” she manages.

Scott’s still feeling terrified and has no idea what he’s supposed to do over this stupid phone, so he launches into the first thing that comes to his mind, their calming techniques from years ago.

“Okay, you’re gonna do this soon, everyone is gonna help you, right Tess? But first do some breathing with me. Like backstage before skating, remember?”

She reaches her hand out again towards him, and he sees Jordan’s hand come take it for him. “Won’t work,” she mumbles, “need your heartbeat.” For a moment he sees her face start to break again but she stops herself, squeezing Jordan’s hand instead. _She’s not all wrong_ , he thinks. If he was there with her he would have her in his arms already, chest to chest, heartbeat to heartbeat. But they don’t have that luxury.

“We’ll use my voice, okay? You’re going to breathe with me and listen to my voice, that’s all you have to do right now, just breathe in and out.”

“In and out,” she repeats, her voice fading.

“That’s right,” he says, “in and out, with me,” and then repeats it over and over again, slowly as he does the breathing with her. She winces again as another contraction comes, but she works hard to keep breathing, in and out, more rapid and focussed until the contraction passes.

They keep going like this for several minutes, long enough for her to get through a few more contractions. He thinks - or at least he hopes - she seems better now than when he first started talking to her. He can tell she’s working hard but managing it, focussing more on her breathing and less on the pain and stress. At one point she starts shaking a little bit, almost like she’s cold. He can’t tell right now if that’s better or worse, but he can hear the other women in the room exchanging whispers. Kate’s hand strokes against Tessa’s shoulders.

Scott keeps on reminding her to keep breathing and eventually starts switching over to stories, talking gently and quietly to try to give her some familiar words to focus on. He talks about the time they won in Vancouver and how she did so well even when her legs were hurting her. He keeps going, trying to think of times he knows she’s overcome hard things and then it just morphs into different ways of him telling her how amazing she is.

He’s not sure if she’s hearing the words he’s saying, exactly, but he also thinks that doesn’t seem to matter. It looks like she’s more focussed, more steady in her concentration. He just tries to keep his voice calm and even, to give her something to listen and hold onto.

He’s halfway through remembering their team skate in Pyeongchang when another contraction hits her, even harder than the last ones have been. She’s squeezing Jordan’s hand tightly, a long, low moan escaping her. He keeps talking as she rides it out, not fully paying attention to his own words either, but not wanting to stop yet.

A couple more contractions happen like that, and then Tessa’s expression changes entirely. Her eyes widen and she lets go of Jordan’s hand, her whole posture changing. 

“Tess?”

“Need to sit up,” she says, and suddenly Kate’s helping her to shift so she’s sitting up back against the pillows. He can hear her breathing has changed again, like it’s more intense and purposeful now.

His view on the screen changes too as Jordan moves to Tess’s side. He can hear people speaking in the room. Sandra and Jen are checking on her, talking her through it, but he can’t make out the rest. He thinks he hears the word “ten” and a sudden combination of relief and fear course through him.

“Tess? Jordan?”

Jordan fumbles with the phone. “She’s ready to push now,” she says, and suddenly he feels as relieved as she sounds. “Mom and I are gonna help her, we have to put the phone down now Scott, I’m so sorry-”

“Jordan, wait, don’t hang up yet, please, I just need to know she’s okay.”  

“Okay, I’m standing the phone on the dresser, you’ll still be able to hear everything...” she’s moving quickly, as the others in the room set up for what’s about to happen.

Once Jordan’s set the phone down he can’t see all that’s happening as closely, but he can still see and hear Tessa and that’s all he cares about. Her sister and mother are on either side of her holding her up, both midwives attending to her, helping her through the contractions as she starts pushing. It carries on for a while and eventually he sits down again, rests his phone on the kitchen table and just listens.

At one point Tessa’s moans start to get louder, sharper, followed by a flurry of voices urging her to keep going.

She pushes again, screaming, and then all of a sudden there’s a new sound in the room - a small but insistent wailing.

Scott looks back at the dim screen, watching amazed as the midwife lifts the baby onto Tessa’s chest. Immediate relief floods through him, and tears spring to his eyes. He can hear Tessa’s emotion and relief as she cries in response, holding this new little person in her arms. The baby’s cries keep going, gradually diminishing to smaller whimpers. In his mind he remembers that same sound when all three of his children came into the world. Tears fall from his cheeks and he wipes them away, so relieved and glad.  

He watches the small screen in awe as the women rub the baby with towels, drying it off and then covering it warmly, all the while letting the baby stay resting on Tessa’s chest. And then all the stress and fear Scott had been feeling only minutes ago immediately evaporates. He’s so glad to see and hear the baby, crying and healthy.

At one point Tessa finally looks up from the new bundle in her arms, her free arm reaching in turns for her mother and sister. He can’t make out what’s said between them, only watches as they embrace each other with so much emotion. For a moment he looks away, feeling like he’s intruding now.

“Scott?” He hears Tessa then, her voice tired but so happy.

“I’m here, Tess.”

“She’s here,” she says. Jordan comes over and grabs the phone again, bringing Scott closer again. “It’s a girl, she’s here,” Tessa repeats, amazed.

“Yeah, she is,” he answers, stupidly trying to hold back tears and failing miserably.  _ Tessa has a daughter _ . “You did so great Tess. She’s beautiful,” he says, not exaggerating in the slightest. He can see the baby cradled against her bare skin. She has a head of soft brown hair, and her little eyes are already opening, squinting and adjusting as she calms in Tessa’s arms.

“Thank you for being here with me,” she says, “I wouldn’t…thank you so much.”

“You don’t have to thank me, T. Just...I’m so happy for you. Thank you for letting me...” He doesn’t have words to express everything he’s feeling, he’s so relieved she and the baby are both safe and healthy. “Take care of that little girl, okay? And let these ladies take care of you.”

She nods back, happy but unquestionably exhausted. “I gotta let Jordan hang up now, okay?”

“Of course,” he says, noticing the time on his kitchen clock reads just before eleven. “We’ll talk again when you’ve gotten to rest a bit, yeah?’

She nods again. “Of course we will,” she says, her voice so certain. And then she turns back to her new daughter, smiling easily, her attention only for her. He sees the baby’s little hand come to rest against Tessa’ skin, the tiniest fingers settling against her bare chest. His heart soars for her.

With a few more tearful words of thanks Jordan finally closes the call, and then he’s left once again in the silence of his own kitchen, almost in disbelief at everything that’s happened in the last couple of hours. He wipes the tears from his cheeks and lets out a laugh, adrenaline still rushing through him.

He makes his way back upstairs through his house, pausing to stand in the hallway just outside the bedrooms where his children are sleeping peacefully. Resisting the urge to wake them and wrap them in his arms all at once, he settles instead for quietly stepping to their bedsides. He presses a kiss to their foreheads, one at a time, brushing his hands across their soft heads as they sleep soundly.

 

*

Half an hour later Scott’s still awake when he sees one more message come in from Jordan.

_ ‘Elizabeth Katherine Virtue 7lbs 3oz, mama and daughter both doing well. XOXO’ _

Another message pops up next. It’s just a photo of Tessa, cradling the new baby bundled up in her arms - the girl’s little hands curled up against Tessa’s bare skin, her sleepy, brand-new, unfocused gaze looking up towards her mother’s face.

For the first time in this strange year, Scott remembers what it’s like to feel true, unrelenting joy.

 

*

The next day Scott shares the news with his three children, and shows them the photo of Tessa and her brand new daughter.

A little while later they write the name  _ Elizabeth _ on a small piece of paper and bring it over to the map board. They stick the new name in place on the map, right next to Tessa’s.  
  


*

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa enjoys her first year with Lizzie, and Scott prepares his move to Toronto while navigating single parenthood. Spans from one Christmas to the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it’s the closing of the year as I post this one, it’s time for All The Author Notes!
> 
> Thank you, again, to those of you reading along, I’m glad to have you here for this crazy story that has taken longer to tell than even I realized it would. At the time that I wrote ‘and instructions for dancing’ it had been almost a decade since I wrote anything in any fandom of any kind, and writing this one has been a very unique experience. I’m very grateful for your readership and comments and kudos!
> 
> And thank you again to my beta readers, iwantthemtostay and peacefulboo, who I’d known for about half a minute before asking them to read for me, and who have been so supportive and valuable. I knew very few people in this fandom when I started writing this, and their help and friendship has been one of the highlights of my year. <3
> 
> Also thanks to my friend G, who writes in an entirely different fandom, offered to beta read for this chapter, then read all of chapters 1-9 to catch up, and is now part of the ‘committee’ for good. <3
> 
> On a final note - despite its length, this may be the first chapter where I’ve felt there were some deleted scenes missing from it. I don’t know when I’ll get to those, but I just wanted to mention that in case you’re thinking “why wasn’t there a scene with XYZ?” - there’s every chance I did think about it but just wasn’t able to get there. Writing is a trip, man.
> 
> And on a final final note - I finally decided to get a fannish account somewhere, so you can now find me on Tumblr at carmen-sandiego-fic, if you’d like to.
> 
> Anyway, happy holidays and happy new year!

  
  


 

Two days after her daughter’s birth Tessa gets to properly talk to Scott. He and his kids join her on video message, like they’ve gotten in the habit of doing most weeks lately. Only, today is the first time since her daughter came into the world. She gets to see all of their faces and introduce them properly to Elizabeth - or at least as properly as she can, without seeing them in person.

Tessa sits in front of the screen with Elizabeth in her arms, smiling and laughing as all three of Scott’s children crowd around him and ask her all the questions they can possibly think of. She answers all of them, looking alternately from the screen in front of her to the baby in her arms. Truly she’s found it hard to stop looking at her daughter ever since she arrived.

“Are your mom and sister still there with you?” Scott asks.

“Oh, yes, thank goodness,” she breathes out. “Jordan’s here another couple of days. I think Mom’s going to stay for a while, though. She wants to make sure the first few weeks are okay. And Kevin and Casey have already dropped in. Megan said she’d help with grocery runs if I need it.”

“That’s great, Tess.”

“I know. I don’t think I realized how much help I was going to need,” Tessa admits, and it’s true.

“Yeah,” Scott chuckles, like he’s remembering things. “Babies take a lot of time and energy for how little they are.”

“I see that now,” she says. “And oh, I already miss sleep,” she adds, laughing a little.

Eventually Scott’s boys leave the call, wandering off to go play. Renée stays on Scott’s lap a little longer, sitting quietly as he keeps talking to Tessa. But then she scampers off too, and then it’s just him and Tessa together.

“You’re okay, though, right Tess?” He asks, for the second time since they started the conversation.

“I am, Scott. I’m good, really. I’m so tired,” she says, because as happy as she is she does still feel truly exhausted and doesn’t mind admitting it. “But I’m so glad she’s here, now,” she says, looking at Elizabeth again. Since they’ve been talking the baby has fallen asleep again in her arms, so Tessa leans over to rest her in the cozy bassinette just off to the side of where she’s sitting.

“Good. I’m glad, T. I...I’m just glad everything went well in the end,” he says.

For a moment she just sits and looks back at him, smiling gently. His expression is so kind, so genuine. And she can tell he really means it. She sees how it must have been worrying for him being on his side of that call, watching her struggle.

When she thinks back to that night, so recent for how long ago it feels now, Tessa can only hold onto vague memories of how she felt at the time, swimming through pain and muddled thoughts. And then, Scott’s voice, so steady and reassuring. And then the baby was there. She’s so thankful that he was there for her. What’s more, she’s not sure she’ll ever be able to properly thank him for it.

“I’m so grateful I had your voice with me, Scott,” she says. “I’m not sure I would have gotten through it without you.”

“You would have, Tess, you would have done it, I know you would have.”

“Still,” she says, ducking her gaze and looking down at Elizabeth, healthy and sleeping nearby. “I’m glad you were with me.”

“I am too,” Scott says. He smiles, gently and easily, and so does she.

 

*

Scott doesn’t know exactly what to expect from this Christmas.

It’s something he’s been more than a little bit terrified about for weeks, not knowing what to do to help his children face it without Christine. He knows they’ve been doing pretty well getting through these events as a new little family of four, by any conventional measure. But he also knows the way they feel Christine’s absence each time. And without his friends and family members that still surround them, they probably wouldn’t be doing nearly as well as they are.

Their holidays have always been so full, so joyful, even amidst the usual chaos and bickering. He feels like Chris always knew how to handle everything, all of the family and presents and food. Now that it’s just him he’s barely known where to start. So by November he’d already called his parents and talked everything out with them, and made a plan for Christmas in London.

A little while after that the gift recommendations start coming in. Danny and Charlie send him lists of things they know their kids liked when they were the same ages as Renée and the boys. His mother sends messages about other gifts, offering to buy and wrap a few things from Santa that will be ready for them when they get there. And Jordan writes him too, telling him about the favourite things her boys are asking for this year, and that she and Josh are more than happy to shop for Scott at the same time if he needs it.

He’s blown away by all of it. Some of the offers he accepts and others he graciously declines. He can’t help but admit he wants his children to have a good Christmas, including plenty of amazing gifts to unwrap under the tree, and he’s going to make sure of that. And Scott definitely tells them to only worry about gifts for the children, not him, reassuring all of them that their presence and thoughtfulness are more than enough. What he wants most for this holiday is that his kids will spend time with people who love them, have treats they enjoy, and feel happy and cared for. Anything else is a bonus.

For himself, that’s all he wants. To be with his kids, and see his family, and Tessa and her family, and put his arms around all of them and love them as much as he can. 

 

*

Three days before Christmas, there’s a knock at Tessa’s door. She practically dashes to answer it and right after she does she walks straight into Scott’s arms. He wraps her so tightly in a hug that it makes her realize this is what she’s been missing.

“It’s so good to see you,” Tessa says after a long moment, her voice muffled against Scott’s chest.

“You too.”  He pulls back, his hand resting on her shoulder. He’s looking at her like he’s so glad to see her, but also intently, like he’s making sure she’s really here and in one piece. “I’m good, Scott,” she emphasizes, nodding at him. “Everything’s great, I promise. Exhausting, but good.”

“I’m glad,” he answers. “The kids are at my mom’s, I promised them they could come with me tomorrow if it’s okay with you. I didn’t want to overwhelm you all at once.”

Tessa shakes her head. “You know all of you are welcome any time. But I get it, thank you,” she adds. She helps him out of his coat and he takes off his boots, shaking the snow and cold off of him. She takes his hand. “Come on, there’s someone who’s been waiting to meet you in person.”

She leads him through the kitchen into the living room, a space that has changed a bit since the last time Scott would have seen it. Alongside all the familiar furniture and embellishments are a few little bins of various supplies - toys, shoulder cloths, a few board books - in one corner a blanket and changing mat. And there, in a cozy portable bassinet next to one of the couches, is the tiny girl herself.

Tessa reaches into the basket where Elizabeth is lying awake under the blankets, her little hands stretching and waving. “I just fed her and changed her not long before you got here, so she should be all set to chill out for a little bit.” She lifts the baby up and kisses her cheeks. Over the last few weeks she’s felt she’s finally gotten into a good rhythm nursing her daughter - being able to predict when she’ll want to be fed and knowing how to sit with her so she’s most comfortable, and it’s made a world of difference to her daily routine with her.

“Hey there, Lizzie,” Scott says, holding out his hands eagerly. Tessa rests the baby in his arms and he takes her easily, knowing exactly what to do. “I’m so glad to finally meet you.” His smile is enormous.

A couple of weeks ago Tessa had started saying Lizzie occasionally instead of Elizabeth and the nickname has already stuck. The first time Tessa used it around her own mother Kate had grinned right away and immediately switched from Elizabeth to Lizzie after that. And then Scott started, too. Tessa’s partly convinced Lizzie knows her name when she hears it, even though she’s so little.

“This is your Uncle Scott, sweetie, he’s the greatest.” Tessa smiles back at her daughter, helping her settle in Scott’s arms.

The baby looks around for a moment before turning up to look up towards Scott, her gaze settling on his face. She makes a few little murmuring sounds, that Tessa has come to realize mean she’s happy and comfortable, just making it known she’s thinking about what’s happening around her. She hopes so much that Scott’s voice is familiar to her, that maybe there’s a way Scott and her daughter can know each other despite being so far away most of the time. Tessa watches as the baby looks up at Scott’s expression her mouth turns up a little bit, like she’s on the verge of smiling.

“Oh, Tess, she really is gorgeous,” Scott says, his voice so gentle. “She looks just like you.”

Tessa can’t help grinning back at him, still. “Thanks. I’m inclined to agree, but then, I’m pretty biased.” But truly, she does look like her. Lizzie’s eyes are looking like a pale green so far, which Tessa hopes will stay that way, and her soft brown hair is all her mother’s.

“Hey, take the credit while you can. Believe me they grow up in an instant,” he says with a sigh.

“Sit with her, let her look at you. I want her to get to know your face. Your voice.” Tessa’s been waiting six weeks for Scott to get to hold her, and she’s just so glad he finally does.

They settle on one of the sofas, Scott at one end and Tessa in the middle, one arm leaning against the back of the couch. She pulls her phone from her pocket and snaps a photo of the two of them together. His expression is so warm and happy as he watches the baby’s movements. After a moment he settles Lizzie in one arm and brings his free hand to touch her little hands, lets her grasp tightly onto one of his fingers.

“I always forget how little they are in the beginning,” he says. “My guys are all so big now, they’re practically grown-ups compared to this little lady.”

In many ways Scott’s right, she thinks. His boys are six now and Renée will be four in another month. They’ve had their own little personalities and foibles and interests for years already. But then Tessa thinks about her other nieces who are several years older still, and how much growing and learning even they have yet to do. It’s mind-boggling when she thinks that her brand new daughter will one day be as big as they are, running around and talking and playing.

It’s enough to make her pause and take a deep breath, leaning closer over Scott’s shoulder to focus her gaze on her little girl, who’s still so new and little, and blessedly such a good baby so far.

“Yeah, she’s gaining a little bit every week like she’s supposed to,” Tessa tells him, “but she’s still a tiny little thing. She didn’t feel all that little when she was coming out, though, believe me,” she adds wryly.

Tessa immediately regrets it when Scott turns back to her and she sees the immediate concern in his expression. They’ve already talked about his role the night Lizzie came into the world, but this is the first time she’s seen him in person since then. All of a sudden it’s clear to her, the full extent of what it must have been like for him, how stressful. The last person he played that role for isn’t here anymore.

She puts her hand on Scott’s knee, squeezing in reassurance. “Scott, you don’t need to worry anymore, okay? You helped me when I needed it, and I’m so, so glad you did, and Lizzie and I are both here safe.”

“I know,” he nods. “I’m glad everything went well, for both of you. There was just a minute, when Jordan first called me, when...” he stops for a moment.

“Scott?”

“When I wondered if I would lose you, too.” He lets out a breath, before swallowing hard.

“Oh Scott, no,” she’s shaking her head. “They wouldn’t have let that happen. They wouldn’t have.” She shifts closer to him, squeezing her hand on his knee again. “The hospital is only a few minutes away, if me or the baby had ever been in any danger Sandra would have had me in an ambulance so fast. Okay?”

In the aftermath of the birth Tessa had talked it out with her midwives, and been reassured that they had indeed started to plan for different scenarios if her labour hadn’t progressed. But they wouldn’t have had Jordan call Scott if they hadn’t thought they had time to let Tessa’s body work some more on its own, and Tessa’s told him that, too.

Scott nods again. “I know, I know you’re right, just…” He turns and looks back at Lizzie, settling her closer and brushing a thumb over her tiny fingers. “I coach better in person, okay?” He looks back at Tessa, kind but intensely serious. “Next time, I want a heads up so I won’t have to do it over the phone.”

At that she wells up, suddenly filled with so many emotions at once - gratitude, compassion, but love most of all. She brings her other arm around him, burying her face in his shoulder in as tight a hold as she can manage. Her hand comes to rest just below his head, brushing her fingers through the soft hair at the back of his neck. She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head and then lean his head against hers.

They sit like that for a moment, until a thought occurs to her. A short laugh escapes her as she realizes the full extent of what he’d just said. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s going to be just this little girl for me,” she says, offering him a tearful smile. “I don’t think I’m going to need any more video birth coaching any time soon.”

“Okay, just checking, though,” he says.

Tessa feels more than hears the relaxation in his voice. She lets her hands come to rest around his arm, her head leaning against his shoulder as they both look down at her daughter. After a little while Lizzie’s murmurings start to become more vocal.

“Oh, you’re so right, sweetheart,” Scott tells her, resettling her in his arms. “You tell me all about it, hm? Tell me what you’ve been up to in your first month out here in this big world.”

So then Tessa rests herself against the familiar warmth of him, and tells him everything.

 

*

Seeing Tessa in person brings Scott a surge of happiness and relief, too, more than he’d expected. Talking to her on video just hasn’t been the same, and getting to hold Lizzie in his arms is definitely one of the best gifts he could have asked for. She’s beautiful, and such a joy for Tessa.

After visiting them on his own he and his mother bring the kids by the next day, along with armloads of Christmas cookies, and gifts. Scott notices Tessa hugs his mother warmly, and spends a few moments in close conversation with her. He’d half expected Tessa to shrug it all off and insist they shouldn’t have gone to the trouble of doing so much for her, but then she doesn’t. She’s mostly happy to see all of them, too, and to accept their kindness.

They sit in the living room and his kids take turns holding Lizzie, appearing equal parts excited and confused. Aidan makes faces at her, which she likes, and Renée is fully charmed and starts talking immediately about the presents they’d picked out for her. He glances at Tessa, sitting next to Renée with Lizzie half propped up by pillows. She’s wearing a patient and kind expression on her face.

“Hey, now,” Scott admonishes his daughter gently, “those are a surprise for Christmas morning, remember?”

“But Daddy, it’s almost Christmas  _ now _ ,” Renée insists. He knows she’s very pleased with the little dress and blanket she’d helped Scott pick out herself.

“Does she talk yet?” Max asks about Lizzie, hopeful, kneeling in front of everyone and leaning against the couch.

“Not yet, buddy, it’ll be a little while before she’s talking and moving around like you guys,” Scott says, crouched next to Max. He’s glad to see him warming up to Tessa again. Of the three of them he’s been the most up and down, adjusting to this new long distance dynamic of theirs and figuring out what it all means.

“But then how do we play with her?” Max asks next. He puts out his hands and touches Lizzie’s little feet.

Tessa laughs a little, reaching over to run a hand over his head. “Just like you’re all doing now, sweetie,” she says. “She likes to hang out and be held, and listen to people, and see their faces up close.”

“Okay,” he says, a little uncertain. But then Lizzie turns to look over at Max and offers him a gurgling expression like a sort of half-smile, and Max smiles back. Tessa looks over at Scott, her expression entirely delighted.

“See?” Scott says. “You guys are best friends already.” And he hopes so much that they will be.  
  


*

It’s a different Christmas than the ones they’ve had before, to be sure. But as soon as Scott and the kids had arrived at his parent’s house he knew it was the right choice to come here. His kids love their grandparents, and their uncles.

The first couple of nights had gone okay - the boys took his and Charlie’s old room, each with their own bed. Renée on her very own mattress next to Scott’s bed, both of them tucked away in the room that was once Danny’s. The kids seemed to love it, like a big extended sleepover. Then on Christmas Eve morning he discovers Renée had climbed into his bed with him. He wakes up with his arms cuddled around her, and holds her close until she wakes up.

So, later that morning Scott settles in the boys’ room and talks with all of them together. He talks about how it’s Christmas tomorrow, and it’s going to be a really awesome and important day, but it’s okay to think about Mommy and how it’s the first one when she won’t be with them. They talk about different things they’d like to do to remember and make sure she’s still part of their Christmas.

They decide, with a few tears - Aidan reminds them it’s okay to cry if they need to, which makes Scott hold him a little closer, too - they will take turns saying things they remember best about her, and do something together that she liked. (A few years later it will be clearer to him that that’s how their Christmas tradition of pancakes with chocolate chips and whipped cream, followed a walk out to the toboggan run with their sleds, officially got started. That, and pulling their mattresses into the same room for a family Christmas Eve slumber party all together.)

Christmas Day comes, and they do all of the things they talked about doing. They make Christine’s favourite breakfast, and remember her, and they have fun outside together. They open presents, and eat lots of food. His mother spoils them with too many treats that he sees now he is powerless to stop. And everyone in his family has hugs for all of them, all of the time.

They celebrate Christmas, together, and by the time he tucks his kids into bed that night he’s just so glad they’ve made it this far. He’s feeling so many things, and still isn’t quite sure how they’ve made it through this year. But his kids are happy, and safe, and that’s enough for him right now.

At the end of the evening Scott makes sure all three of them are sleeping soundly, and then comes downstairs. He finds his mother in the living room, alone for the moment since Joe and Danny are out shovelling the walk. She holds out an arm towards him in invitation and he joins her on the sofa.

“Merry Christmas, Scott,” she tells him, pulling her to him and pressing a kiss to his head.

“Thank you, Mom,” he says, meaning so many things. “For everything, today.”

“You’re doing a fine job, my dear. With all of it. I know it probably doesn’t feel like that sometimes, but seeing you and those darling children today...You’re going to be alright, Scott. They will, too.”

He leans closer to Alma, wrapping his arms around her as she does the same. He’s felt so many things this week and has been on the edge of tears today several times. But now something in him settles. Feeling his mother’s arms around him, at the end of today, it’s like he’s gotten through some sort of test and passed it.

“I love you, Mom,” he says, half muffled by her shoulder.

“You know I love you too, Scott,” she says, and holds him tighter.

 

*

Tessa’s holiday has been filled with her own series of ‘firsts.’ Her first Christmas as a parent; her first Christmas back in her own house; her first time introducing her daughter to so many different groups of people.

She’s thought about it even more deeply in light of the Christmas that Scott has been facing. It’s made her want to hold Lizzie even closer, soak in every little movement of hers, every murmuring response to the things happening around her. Her daughter’s been in the world all of a month and a half and the very idea that Tessa could be taken from her, in any way, nearly freezes her in fear; it makes want to never let her daughter out of her sight ever, as long as she lives. 

Instead, she finds herself doing the opposite. She’s seen how much joy a brand new baby brings to everyone else around her, the way different people come alive in Lizzie’s presence. So today she’s here at the Moir Boxing Day brunch, sharing her daughter with everyone there. She’s just finished her plate of food and is talking with Scott, watching how his gaze drifts to the baby instead of to her. So Tessa unwraps Lizzie from where she’s bundled at her chest to put her in Scott’s arms.

“Is she bigger than a few days ago, T?” He adjusts Lizzie so he’s holding her against his shoulder, letting her cuddle up and glance around as far as she can. He pats the baby’s back reassuringly.

“Maybe,” Tessa says, although she’s almost positive he’s exaggering. She’s felt the same in her arms all week. Still, Scott doesn’t get to hold her as often as she does, so maybe he’s right. “She’s definitely eating well.”

“Speaking of that, did you get enough food, Tess? I think everyone forgets how much my mom cooks for these things, people brought enough to feed twice this many.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t starve,” she nods. “It’s amazing as always. I even got to eat with a plate and take more than two minutes to do it.”

“That’s new parenthood for you. Glad to have you on the team,” he says, winking at her.

“Thanks,” Tessa laughs ruefully. “I still can’t complain too much, Mom’s been so amazing.” Tessa’s told him about how supportive her mother’s been, how she all but moved in with her the first few weeks after Lizzie arrived. At least, until she convinced Kate to reduce that down to just a few days a week. “But I can’t keep leaning on her forever, so once the New Year comes it’ll be me and Lizzie figuring it all out just the two of us.”

“You’ll do great, T. And you’ve got a million people you can ask for advice, any time.”

“Oh I know - believe me, you’re pretty high up on that list, pal. Get ready to remember what a crying baby sounds like at 3am.”

They laugh again, just as Alma comes over. She greets Tessa quickly before saying hello to Lizzie. She smiles and makes faces at her over Scott’s shoulder, delighted to elicit a reaction.

“ _ Mom _ , would you like to hold Lizzie now?” Scott asks, in an exaggerated, sing-song-y tone of voice.

“Oh, if you insist,” she says just as cheerfully, quickly slipping the little towel over her own shoulder before holding out her hands to take the baby. She winks at Scott in thanks. “I’ll let you two chat a bit.” Alma looks over at Tessa. “If she needs you I’ll bring her right back, okay?”

Tessa nods easily. Alma’s seen Lizzie more than almost anyone else here, by now, and heard just as much from Tessa about how everything is going. At this point she’s pretty much tied for being one of the people Tessa most trusts with her daughter.

“Please do,” Tessa says, and watches them happily wander off and circulate through the crowd in the living room.

Scott takes the free moment to grab some cups of egg nog for the two of them. Tessa looks at hers carefully before taking a sip. “Don’t worry, T, no rum in yours,” Scott says in reassurance. She nods gratefully and they clink before taking a sip.

She looks over and sees Alma and Kate talking briefly as Alma passes Lizzie over to Kate’s shoulder in a practiced move. Jordan and their brothers will probably take their turns, too, like they have all holiday.

Tessa and Scott chat companionably for a few moments, catching up on things. They’re standing off to the side, halfway between the dining room and the living room, in between the two centres of activity. Tessa’s already lost track of how many people are there. It’s a good group - family and extended family and friends. Tessa’s family are all here, too. And she knows Scott’s kids are running around here too, somewhere - every time a few kids runs by at least one of his are in the group.

“At least no one’s come to me in tears or with anything broken or bruised,” he jokes to her. “It’s going to be hard to leave in a couple of days, I think.”

“Ah, that’s probably when the tears will come,” Tessa says, thinking out loud. To be honest some of them might come from her, it occurs to her then. She’s loved seeing all of them in person this week.

He looks at her gently, as though thinking the same things. “It’s been a good visit, T. I wish I saw you more often.”

“Me too,” Tessa replies just as softly. “I’ve missed time like this with you. With all of you,” she adds. She’d meant it as a positive thing, of how great it’s been to enjoy time with him in person again. But saying it out loud makes her sad all of a sudden, like she’s breaking the warm glow of the holidays by acknowledging that it’ll come to an end soon. “But, Toronto, though, right?” she says after a moment, turning to look back up at him. “You’re still planning that for next year?”

Scott’s about to respond but then pauses as Renée starts to run past. He stops her, asking her to please go find her slippers if she’s going to run around the house, her socks are too slippery. Then on instinct he scans the dining room and living room, eyes lighting on Max in one corner, playing cards with Jordan’s youngest son and Danny’s youngest daughter. Then he sees Aidan over with Scott’s dad, showing him a video game on the tablet. He straightens and turns back to Tessa, who’s looking at him with a soft, knowing smile on her face.

“What?” He asks, draining his cup. Hers is empty now too, so he takes it and puts both of them off to the side.

“Nothing, just...You’re a good dad, Scott,” she says, still smiling gently. He waits, and she wonders if he’s expecting her to qualify that comment with something. Maybe about how very hard it must be to be a dad on his own, or that probably nothing prepared him for being a widowed single parent at the age of forty. But she doesn’t say any of those things. They both already know those things are true.

And he  _ is _ a good dad. As much as she’s regretted not being able to be there for him as much these last few months, it’s obvious to her whenever she does see him that his kids are managing so well. And she knows that’s because of him.  

“Thanks, kiddo,” he says, bumping her elbow with his. “I’m trying.”

Tessa leans towards him and puts her arms around him properly, then. He kisses the side of her head as he wraps his arms around her, too. They stand like that for a moment, not many other words needed just then. One of her hand moves softly across his shoulder, then patting him a few times right before they separate - just like right before they’d take the ice back in the day. She fees steadier like this.

“But yeah, Toronto,” he says eventually when they separate again. “I’ve been working out some details with Tracy since the fall. I’ll finish out the season at Gadbois and then probably need to be moved by the summer. I still haven’t started looking for a place yet, though, that’s going to be the real hard part.”

“Anna and Ravi are going to come with you, right?”

Scott nods. “And at least one of the junior teams, too, maybe more than one. They all came with me to visit the Cricket Club a couple of weeks ago, to check it out and get a feel for it.”

“Oh Scott, that’s amazing,” she says. “You’ll have a good little crew all to yourself.”

“Yeah,” he says, smiling and dare she say it, even blushing a little. She’s glad it’s something he’s still excited about. “Carol might even send me one of her new teams, too. It’ll be starting from the ground up in a lot of ways, but it’ll be good, I think.”

“Of course it will be,” she answers, not doubting any of that for a moment. “Please…please let me know if I can help, Scott, really,” she insists, meaning every word of her offer. She’d never be able to say no to Scott if he asked, not after all the ways he’s supported her over the years - not to mention very, very recently. She’s enjoyed working with him on the coaching side the last couple of years too, and adores Anna and Ravi. And there’s a part of her that misses feeling needed in that way.

Tessa also knows she’s not going to be able to predict everything in her own life in the next few months. She’s still figuring out what her new routine looks like now, with Lizzie, and guesses that’s still going to take a bit of time. She assumes he’ll just wave off her offer, for those exact reasons. But she’s pleasantly surprised when he doesn’t, at least not right away. She thinks there’s even a glimmer of excitement in his eye.

“That’s...I’d love that, Tess,” he tells her, keenly. But there’s so much kindness in his voice. “I’ve missed working with you, you know.”

“Me too,” she agrees, because she means that, too. “I’ll admit it’s probably going to be a little while before I’m back at full speed,” she says, resisting the urge to run her hand along her waist. Her body has done a pretty good job at bouncing back since the birth, but she’s certainly far from peak condition right now.

“Well that’s just fine,” he says, “because I don’t think I’ll be figuring everything out right away, either,” he laughs. “We make a good team.”

Hearing him say that makes her grin, an enormous smile breaking out immediately across her expression. “We do, you’re right.”

“It’s okay, though, Tess. I mean it, don’t rush back before you need to,” he tells her. She can tell he’s well intentioned. “Let yourself have some good time with Lizzie. I remember…” he pauses for a second. “I remember when all three of my guys were that little it was a bit crazy sometimes, especially when we had both the boys to handle at once.” Tessa believes that. Lizzie’s enough of a handful by herself. “But there were so many amazing moments in their first year. It’s...it’s hard but it’s really, really exciting too. And the work will still be there when you’re ready.”

Tessa smiles then, just nodding and looking back at him for a long moment. She wonders if he’s about to say something else, then - it’s like there’s something more there, more questions or thoughts he wants to put into words. She’s about to ask him about it when her mother approaches, and Tessa can already hear her daughter’s familiar, plaintive whimper that means she’s getting hungry.

Scott squeezes her elbow and kisses her cheek. “I’ll let you look after her,” he says. “Make sure we at least say goodbye before you leave?”

“Count on it,” she says. Then Tessa reaches for her daughter and the blanket her mother’s already holding out for her, and steps away in search of a quiet corner for just her and Lizzie.  
  


*

After the holidays Scott does his best to get back to normal, as much as he can. January comes as a bit of a let-down for the kids after the full and exciting Christmas break, but Scott’s glad to see them returning to their school routines without too much fuss. He thinks the time away did them good, maybe has helped them to feel more normal about the way life is now in their household of four. He notices them talking more often about Chris in everyday ways, too - still emotional, sometimes, and he thinks that’s okay, but also in happy, excited ways. He thinks maybe it has something to do with the way they included her in their Christmas celebrations.

He also heads back to work.

Uncertain how it would feel for his kids to have him travelling so much during the normal season, he’d taken the Grand Prix events before Christmas as a trial run. Between Sarah and the kids’ familiar babysitter, he’d managed the child care for a few days without too much trouble, and lots of talk and reassurance with the kids over video messages whenever he could manage it. He’d returned to sky-high levels of excitement when the kids got him back home again.

He doesn’t regret the way he’d stepped away from things at the end of the previous season, with everything that had been going on. But now he’s ready to be a coach again as fully as he can. His teams need him, and his children need a father who lives a full life, too, and earns for his household and does the things he’s trained to do. He returns to the busy coaching season with renewed focus, boosted by his family’s celebrations.

Scott travels for the Canadian championships (where Anna and Ravi take gold) and Worlds (where they finish fourth for a second year in a row), with this same arrangement - it’s only the Four Continents that he steps away from, with its early February date. He sends Patrice in his place, while he’s still able to do so.

He spends that day with his children. They talk a little about Chris, and eat her favourite dinner, and read some of their favourite books that she liked. They all shed a few tears, and Scott holds all three of them close. At bedtime he lingers with them longer than usual, listening to each of them one at a time, and letting them drift off before he kisses them and turns out the light.

Alone at the end of the evening he lets himself weep, too, allowing all of the feelings of the last year to wash over him all at once; sadness and grief and also love. It’s been such a strange year, and one he wasn’t quite sure how it would go. It’s a year he’d never choose to relive if he had the choice.

He can’t change what happened a year ago. He wishes he could, but he can’t. What he knows now is that he truly is getting through it, all of his family is, together. It’s a feeling he’s had glimpses of a few times in the last year, but he can believe it now, in a way he couldn’t before. They’re surviving this. And he’s going to keep making sure they do.  
  


*

For her part, Tessa spends the winter getting to know her new daughter, and becoming a more practiced solo parent. She’s infinitely glad to have so many family members nearby, which means that her house is never quiet for very long. And Lizzie makes sure of that herself, as she grows bigger and more alert to the people and places around her.

Tessa quickly realizes the limits of keeping busy with a new baby during the colder months. She’s not able to get out for stroller walks as often as she’d like. But she does start making connections with other new parents in the area, finding mom-and-tot classes to join at the fitness studio and the rec centre. And she brings Lizzie with her when she stops by at the skating arena sometimes, watching the new trainees and group classes with delight. Carol invites her to drop in on the lessons if she likes, and Tessa starts taking her up on that invitation once Lizzie’s a few months old and she has someone to look after her for a little while.

It helps a great deal, having connections like this to draw on - both to the skating world and to other parents. She’d been worried that having a baby on her own would make her feel isolated, lonely. It’s an enormous relief when she discovers that isn’t the case.

Her little forays into the local skating community - as fulfilling as they are - also serve to remind her how strange it is to be skating without Scott by her side, or at the boards. When she was pregnant it had been an easy decision to step back from skating for a little while. And she’s taken to heart Scott’s words over the holidays, about letting herself not rush back to the working world any more quickly than she needs to.

Lizzie’s first few months in the world are good ones. She nurses well, which makes Tessa glad and grateful - both for the time she gets to spend so closely with Lizzie and also for being able to settle into a feeding routine. And every week she watches her daughter discover something new - holding her head up a little more, or rolling over on her mat, or finding out she can make other people laugh.

Tessa’s so grateful for this time with her daughter. But she can start to see glimmers of that working future again, and hopes very much that Scott will be a part of it. Mentally she’s almost been starting a countdown, to when Scott will be back in Ontario and so much closer to her again. She wants to keep working with him, in whatever way works for both of them.

She reminds herself she just needs to wait a little bit longer.  
  


*

Once the season is finished Scott tells Anna and Ravi they deserve a good break for a few weeks, and he tries to take the same advice, too. In the end he takes just a couple of days for himself and the kids, and then gets more serious about what needs to be done for the Toronto move over the summer. He needs to be able to make an offer on a house soon, or else find something temporary for them that’s at least good enough to move into for a year or so.

By this point he’s talked to the kids about Toronto a couple of times, trying to get them used to the idea. It’s resulted in mixed feelings to say the least, and a lot more questions about what it will mean to live in a different place -  _ but what if it’s not the same? What if we don’t like it there? _ He can’t blame them for any of it, truly.

He’s excited for the opportunity and the new career path it will open up for him, and in many ways it will be a fresh start for all of them. As much as none of them will ever forget Christine - nor would he ever try to - intellectually, at least, he thinks it will help all of them to move on as a new family. They’ll make a new home together in their little group of four, one that will give them new experiences and memories.

Jordan offers to connect him with a realtor - Janet - she knows well and trusts completely, and he’s more than happy to take her up on the offer. So he spends a lot of time at the end of March on the phone with her and works out a budget and timeline, and quickly remembers what it’s like to review housing listings after so many years of living in the same place. It doesn’t take long for him to realize he can’t do all of this from a distance forever, so he books several viewings with her for the next weekend and makes a quick trip while the kids spend time with Sarah.

He’ll look at five homes that Saturday, accompanied by Jordan. She’d offered to go with him if he needed a second opinion on anything and he’d brushed it off at first, but then taken her up at the last minute when he’d realized she was absolutely right. He does need someone else with him, and he’s come to trust her judgement quite a lot over the years. Also, he has a sneaking suspicion Tessa encouraged her sister to go in her place.

_ ‘You’re sure Jordan doesn’t mind doing this?’ _ He messages Tessa the night before, as he’s landing in Toronto.

_ ‘Very sure,’  _ she replies.

‘ _ It’s above and beyond, and I will tell her that.’ _

‘ _ I wish i could help you instead,’  _ Tessa messages back several minutes later.  _ ‘I want to hear all about it. Send me photos, ok?’ _ she adds, confirming his guess.

_ ‘I will. If there are any winners, at least.’ _

‘ _ There will be.’ _

_ ‘Your judgment’s impaired, Virtch. You need sleep.’ _

_ ‘That may be true but I  _ **_also_ ** _ believe there will be a winner,’  _  she insists.

_ ‘I’ll try to believe. But I  _ **_also_ ** _ believe you need sleep.’ _

_ ‘Please tell Lizzie the four month sleep regression is supposed to be just one month not two.” _

‘ _ I will do that next time I see her. Tell her she needs to be nicer to her mama.’ _

_ ‘Way ahead of you there.’ _

The next day he meets with both Jordan and the realtor as planned, with five houses on the list. The first two don’t appeal to Scott very much, one because of the location being too far, and the other because despite its size it only has three bedrooms. He has his heart set on finding a place where all of the kids can have their own room growing up, if they want. It’s something he’d always thought he and Christine would talk about for their own home in the future, maybe renovating part of the basement into a fourth bedroom or building an addition. The boys won’t want to share a room forever.

By the third house he starts thinking he might have a contender. The location isn’t terrible, and for the asking price it does have at least the minimum number of bedrooms he’d want. As he circulates through the empty house he realizes he’s started fidgeting, spending more of his attention getting more lost in his thoughts than on what the realtor is telling him about the features of the house.

“Scott?” Jordan says, coming up to stand next to him.

“Yeah?” he says, pulling himself out of his thoughts. They’re in the rear of the house, at one end of the large kitchen windows that look out into the backyard. Janet is over on the other side of the room, looking like she’s just finished saying something.

Jordan smiles a little. “You didn’t hear any of that, did you,” she says, more of a statement than a question.

He looks from Jordan to the realtor and back again. “Sorry, I was...I guess I was distracted. I like the kitchen,” he says, glancing around, trying to recall what Janet just said.

“That’s good,” Jordan says. She comes to stand closer to him, looking out into the backyard. It’s been a rainy spring so far, and the buds are starting to come in on the trees that line the yard. “So? What do you think?”

“It’s nice,” he says, thinking. “The size is right. I don’t...I’m not sure though.” He can see Jordan nodding, smiling at him.

“Well, there’s still two more to go,” she says. “It’s okay if this one isn’t  _ the one, _ ” she adds for emphasis.

“You’re right,” he responds. “And I know it will probably take more than one week of looking,” he reasons.

“Sure,” she agrees. “Josh and I agonized over it for months. When we were first looking, before we had the kids, we looked at so many neighbourhoods before we decided on…” Jordan lets the sentence trail off unfinished before stopping altogether, quiet. “Right, of course.” She nudges his shoulder with hers. “I’m sorry, Scott, I wasn’t thinking.”

He offers her a sympathetic half-smile, understanding what she means. He’s glad, suddenly, that he wasn’t the first one to bring it up. “In a lot of ways this is easier than it was when I got to do it with Chris,” he says without further explanation. “We didn’t have the kids yet. So we didn’t know for sure how many bedrooms we’d need to fill, or how quickly. But when we found our house we knew it was the one for us,” he says, remembering. “We knew we’d picked right.”

“Sure,” Jordan says again. “When you know, you know.”

“We did. And we couldn’t wait to move in. A lot of people thought we did everything so fast, but for us it never felt that way. We were so ready, for all of it.”

Jordan nods, listening. They look out into the back yard for a little longer. He hears Janet step away towards the living room to make a phone call.  “Are you feeling ready to do this, now, too?” Jordan asks.

He nods, slowly. “I think so. Yes,” he says. “And I sort of have to be ready, to be honest. I just...I wish I had someone to help make the decision with,” he admits. “It feels weird doing this by myself.”

“Oh,” Jordan says. “Well of course it does,” she adds, sounding very matter-of-fact about it. She turns around, looking at the kitchen and dining area. “I mean, I can definitely tell you what I think today, if you want someone to bounce off of. I know a granite countertop from a composite, and old hardwood from new.”

“Okay,” Scott says, nodding and thinking some more. “That does help, thanks Jord.”

“Of course, that’s why I’m here,” Jordan says. “Well, that and also Tessa couldn’t come herself, let’s be real,” she admits with a wry expression. “But if you ask me, the people who should help you make the final call are those three cool kids of yours.”

He looks at her, surprised that that hadn’t occurred to him first. “Yeah?”

“Sure,” she repeats. “I know...I know if Chris were here you’d be talking to her about it, Scott. And she isn’t. But you do have three pretty good parts of her she left behind,” she says, so kindly. Jordan puts out her hand to squeeze his arm. “If you like something you see today, just...share it with them, include them in it. They’ll let you know when they see something they like too, it’ll help them feel involved. And...and then you won’t be deciding on your own,” she says.

Scott nods again, agreeing wordlessly. Truthfully he hasn’t been thinking of it like that so far. It’s felt more like he needs to do this all on his own, to look out for his kids, to present them with their new Toronto lives all laid out and ready for them to step into. But he sees now he doesn’t have to do that.

“You’re right, it’s a family decision. Not just mine.”

Jordan shakes her head, almost excitedly. Her expressions always reminds him of Tessa when she’s excited or happy about something. “Nope, it’s not.”

“I could...I should be sending them photos,” he says. “Sarah’s with them this weekend, she can look at them with the kids.” He starts looking around the house again, realizing he didn’t even bother taking pictures on the first two but can definitely start now.

“Yeah,” Jordan agrees. “We can do that. What will they want to see?”

“Well…” he thinks. “Definitely the bedrooms. And the front of the house. Oh, and for sure the backyard,” he adds, looking back through the windows.

“Okay,” she says. “Let’s do it.”

He pulls out his phone and gets to work.

  
  


*

Later that evening Tessa gets the report from Jordan when she messages her.

_ ‘It went well, T. There were a few contenders in the mix.’ _

‘ _ Thanks, J. You’re a total lifesaver.’ _ All day she’s been wishing she could have met him in Toronto instead, but she’s spent the last couple of weeks just being far too sleep deprived to function at anything but a minimally normal level. She’s so ready to have her happy baby back, the one who sleeps through the night for more than a couple of hours at a time and doesn’t resist naptime.

‘ _ Nah, it was fun. I got to talk hardwood floors and square footage, it was awesome.’ _

_ ‘Is he planning to make an offer yet?’ _

_ ‘Might be. He’s gonna talk to the kids tomorrow and then decide.’ _

_ ‘That’s so good. I hope it works out,’ _  she messages back, and genuinely means it. In a couple of months Scott’s going to be just a couple of hours down the road. The very idea makes her excited.

_ ‘I think it’s the fourth one he saw. But you didn’t hear that from me. ;)’ _

‘ _ Well now I really really hope it works out.’ _   
  


*

The next day Scott’s back in Montreal, the whirlwind day behind him. He’d left Janet with a promise to update her on his choice - their choice - as soon as possible. He’d also told her that not going for any of them might well be an option if that’s how it goes when he talks it out with the kids.

He sits with all of them the next day, including Sarah, and they look at all the photos together on his tablet. They’ve seen a few of the photos that Scott sent yesterday but now they look over all of them again.

It’s the fourth house they respond to the most - the same one he’d liked the most when he was looking at them all the day before. There’s a bedroom for each of them, and an enormous yard in the back. What seals it for them is when Scott describes how the previous owners had had two dogs who loved running around in the yard, emphasizing how large it is. From that point on all three of them start asking not just when they’ll get to move in but when they can get a dog. He realizes it will only be a matter of time before he gives in.

He phones Janet back that evening and asks her to put the negotiations in motion. A couple of days later, they have their new home, and a move-in date in June.  
  


*

By the end of April, Scott starts the process of packing up their things, expecting it to be slow and gradual - and he’s right. There’s over six years of memories and life that happened in this house - all of his children’s lives so far, his and Christine’s first year as newlyweds, and more gatherings than he can count. And many of Christine’s belongings are still with them, here, and it’s still harder than he realizes to part with them for good.

He decides there are some things he just can’t part with forever, and he puts them aside - her jewelry, her photo albums, her mementos from her own parents, long passed. Her favourite books. He keeps several things for himself and for the kids - maybe things they won’t look at for a while yet, but he knows they will be treasured possessions.

He invites Sarah over one afternoon to ask her what she would like to keep, too, ready to share anything with her that she wants.

They sit down with coffee and sandwiches, and she floors him by telling him that what she would truly like to keep is the house itself.

“The house...Sarah, are you serious?”

“I know you’ve only just put the listing up, Scott, am I right?”

“Well, yes, we just posted it last week, the-”

“Yes, I am completely serious,” she tells him. Her voice is completely certain, but kind, too. “I would love to buy it. I’ve been in my little place for over twenty years now, and it’s suited me fine.” She pauses, then, looking around the kitchen, and the dining and living room beyond. “But this has always been such a beautiful home. You’ve kept it so well, and you and Chris were always so welcoming to me here.” She smiles, putting her hand over his. “I’d like to keep it in the family,” she says, swallowing. “For her...and for me, too.”

“Oh, Sarah,” Scott says. He brings his other hand to hers and they clasp all of their hands together on the table. “That means a lot to me, thank you.” He leans in and puts his arm around her, and she accepts the hug easily.

“I want to pay you what it’s worth,” she says, clearing her throat as they separate. She brushes a tear away from her eye, ever focussed on the task at hand. It’s something he’s always admired about her.

“Sarah, that’s...I’ll take the listing down right now, we can work out something more reasonable-”

“No, you will not,” she insists. “You need your next start in Toronto, and those grand-nephews and niece of mine deserve it. Besides, I’ve done well for myself over the years,” she winks at him. Scott remembers Christine telling him how her aunt had been married for a few years when she was quite young, and made out well after the divorce. “And I can’t take a bank account with me when I go.”

Scott smiles, wryly. She’s only a decade older than he is, and has many more years on this earth to go. But he also knows she’s saying what he needs to hear to let him agree.

“Alright,” he says finally. “It’s a deal.” He moves to shake her hand and she does the same, but pauses for a moment just before her hand meets his.

“One last thing,” she says, and it’s like she’s steeling herself to say it. “Just...don’t be a stranger.” Her voice is so gentle, so insistent. “You’ve got a home here any time you want.”

“Oh Sarah, of course we will. And you know we’ll stay in touch, the kids need you in their lives. And so do I,” he says, because it’s all true. “And the same goes for you, too. You’re welcome with us in Toronto any time, just say the word.”

“Good,” she answers. “I need all of you, too.” Scott puts his arms around her again, holding on with love and gratitude.  
  


*

A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving Tessa finally makes the trip to Toronto to see Scott at the Cricket Club for the first time. She’d meant to do so much sooner than this - he’s been in Toronto since July, and has already established his training schedule with the handful of teams that have joined him, including Anna and Ravi. Her plan is to join them a couple of times a month until the new year, and ramp up a little more after Nationals.

She heads in as early as she can, remembering how jammed the traffic can be heading into the city in the mornings. But she makes it in time to find Scott preparing for his warm-up, and practically runs to meet him by the side of the boards.

“Virtch!” he shouts and waves for her as she heads towards him. Hearing her nickname makes her grin even more than she already is. Her arms open to hug him well before she closes the gap between them.

It’s been a little while. She’d visited him and the kids not long after they moved, and had a good chance to catch up. The move had gone pretty well, all things considered. By the time she’d visited them the house looked well set up, and he’d clearly relied on a lot of help from the movers he’d hired. And she knows Jordan had helped him earlier to find summer programs for the kids to join, which on its own was a near miracle accomplishment so close to everything starting.

Scott had shown her the new house, which is completely beautiful and such a great fit for all of them. She’d been so pleased to have the boys and Renee show her around and tell her everything they were excited about for the summer. And they’d been game to visit with Lizzie, who was starting to babble more and remember people better. The kids had seemed to be doing well with the changes, so far.

Since then she’d been pulled away to the cottage with Jordan and her family for much of August, and then busied herself finding a daycare to start Lizzie in for September. She knows she could have waited until Lizzie was officially a year old to place her in a daycare, it might have made some of the transition easier - as it is she’d decided to go for three days a week to start with, before having her there for the full week. But by November she knows she’ll be wanting to do more work with Scott, and return to making new plans with her design team. She hasn’t figured out yet what she wants to do with B2ten, but it’s something she wants to keep in the mix if she can.

Overall, things are good, but the weeks are starting to pass surprisingly quickly, she finds.

“It’s so good to finally get over here, Scott,” she says, letting the embrace continue for a few moments.

“You’re telling me,” Scott agrees. “Eric’s going to be in today, too,” he tells her. “I made sure.”

“I know,” she says, laughing a little. “I messaged him too, he was giving me a good hassle for not coming sooner.”

He waves his hand as though dismissing the very idea. “The summer always evaporates, T, we both know that. And honestly if you’d been here a couple of weeks ago my brain probably would have been in three places at once.”

She remembers him messaging her about the kids starting their new schools, and how much adjusting they’d had to do in the first couple of weeks. It was hard being the new kids, even as young as they are. Max and Aidan are starting Grade One, which Tessa can hardly believe, and Renée’s in junior kindergarten now.

“No Lizzie with you this time?” he asks, looking around as though Kate or her sitter might be following along behind her with her daughter.

“No,” Tessa shakes her head. She’d thought about it but it just wasn’t going to work out this time. “I’ve only had her in daycare for a few weeks and she’s already started coming home with germs,” she laments. “She’s had a cold for a couple of days, it’s only the second one she’s ever had, too.”

“Oh, poor girl,” he says. “And poor Tess, too, am I right?”

Tessa smiles, gratefully. “Yes,” she says, her head and shoulders drooping. “She’ll be okay, I think. She’s mostly just sniffling, and mom’s going to stay with her while I’m here. So, you’ve just got me for today. I’m excited to play around with all of you. And you’ve got coffee here, right?” she laughs, only partly joking.

Scott grins again, squeezing a hand on her arm. “You bet. Anna and Ravi are already warming up, you got your skates?”

“Right here,” she says, patting the rolling bag with her gear. “I’ll get changed and be back here in five.”

“Then let’s do it. They’re excited to show you what we’re planning for this year, I know they’ll want your opinion on the music. And they’ve got all their notes from Autumn Classic so we’re working on those to gear up for the circuit. You ready?”

“So ready,” she says. And she is.

 

*

Before he knows it, Christmas arrives again, and Scott finds himself packing up him and the kids once again for a trip to London. He’d considered spending Christmas in Toronto this year, a way of christening the new house, but his mother was so encouraging about coming back to Ilderton again.

“You’re so much closer now, Scott, it’s an easy drive.”

“I take it that means you got the kids even more presents than last year?”

“Oh, I may have gotten them a few things,” she allows. “It’s my job as their grandmother, you know.”

“Just...don’t go overboard, Mom, really. They’ll have an awesome time with you no matter what.”

“Don’t worry, I can find lots of other ways to spoil them that don’t involve gifts.”

Scott laughs. “Thanks, Mom. They’ll love it.”

“And...and you can still do the chocolate chip pancakes? And the tobogganing, right?”

It was how they made Christine part of their day last year. “Yeah, we can. That’s...that’d be great, Mom. They’ll love it. I’ll...I’ll still ask them what they want to do for Chris, but yeah. Pancakes and tobogganing either way.”

“Good,” she says, so happily and decisively. Like it’s now an official part of Christmas.

So when the kids are all finished school, he packs them all up for the week and drives them home for the holidays with his parents for a second year in a row. It’s exciting for them, having a Christmas to compare it to from last year and knowing what to expect.

He feels lucky, having made it to another Christmas with everyone healthy and happy. They’ve gotten through the move, and the ordeal of starting up in a new city, and all three of his kids are starting to make friends and find their own little normal routines in their lives. Last year felt like a holiday he had to get through. This year it feels more like he can finally exhale a little bit, let go of a breath he’d been holding onto for a very long time.  
  


*

Just like last year, Scott brings Renée and the boys to see Tessa and Lizzie the day before Christmas Eve. He wonders if this is becoming a tradition of theirs, too, just like the chocolate chip pancakes on Christmas Day with the kids. If it is, he’s going to make sure they keep it up.

They have lunch together, and exchange presents - to be opened on Christmas Day, Aidan insists with Tessa. However, it doesn’t go unnoticed with Scott that Tessa produces a few awfully brand-new-looking books and colouring supplies for them to look at after lunch while he and Tessa catch up and Lizzie takes her nap.

It’s a good visit, but a little shorter than they might have liked since Tessa’s daughter has been under the weather with the latest virus, and as a result Tessa isn’t at full speed herself, either. They leave with hugs and promises to see more of each other on Boxing Day.

Then the day of his parents’ Boxing Day brunch arrives and Kate is there, as are Jordan and her family. He spends quite a while chatting with Jordan about the new house and how everything is working out - how the kids love the yard, and how he’s even caved on letting them have a dog next year. They’ve liked getting the chance to see Jordan’s boys a few times since they moved, and hope they get to do more of that next year.

But then, Tessa and Lizzie are nowhere to be found, and he learns it’s because she’s also been fighting off whatever virus Lizzie has been getting over, and decided not to risk an outing. He’s missed talking with her, and more than that he hopes she’s feeling better soon.

As the party crowd starts to thin out a little bit, Scott takes the opportunity to duck out, giving his mother a quick heads-up on his way, and puts together a  bit of food for Tess. He messages her to let her know he’s coming, but doesn’t hear back right away. He hopes that means she’s resting, but decides either way he’ll let himself in at least leave her with some lunch to eat and a fresh tin of Christmas cookies. He hasn’t had a lot of need lately to use the spare key she gave him years ago, but is glad to have it now.

Scott messages Tessa once more when he pulls up in her driveway, and then lets himself in quietly. He takes off his boots and coat as noiselessly as possible. When he steps into the living room he finds Tessa on the couch, blearily sitting up with a blanket around her shoulders. He can’t tell if she’s just woken up or about to fall asleep. On the coffee table in front of her are a scattered collection of kleenexes, a few mugs, toys, books, and her phone and the baby monitor for Lizzie’s room just within arm’s length of where she’s sitting.

“Scott?” she says in confusion. She reaches for her phone, as though realizing she’s missed some messages. “Did I know you were coming over?”

“Tess? How are you feeling?” Scott comes over and sits next to her. “Your mom said you guys have still been laid up sick over here.” He can’t tell if he’s just feeling the warmth of being inside from the cold all of a sudden or if she’s feverish. Where his hand is resting on her arm it’s like she’s radiating heat. On reflex he puts out his other hand to feel her forehead, then her cheek. She does feel warm, but not hot like she’s burning up.

“I’m okay, Scott, it’s...I’m better than this morning, I promise.” 

“Okay, that’s good,” he says, although not entirely convinced. He presses the back of his fingers against her cheek again just to make sure, before it occurs to him this maybe isn’t the kind of physical attention she wants right now. But then she reaches up and puts her hand on his, holding on and resting their hands between them. She smiles a little, looking grateful.

“Lizzie’s over the worst of it now, I think. She just hasn’t been sleeping as well the last few nights from being all congested.”

“Poor girl,” he says right away. He remembers those days when his three were little, sitting up with them in the middle of the night. Feeling always on duty all the time, always someone needing to be held or comforted. “Is she napping now?”

Tessa nods. “I just got her down about ten minutes ago,” she says, nodding to the baby monitor. The small grey screen shows Lizzie asleep, one arm splayed out across the teddy next to her. He can see her little shoulders rising and falling gently.

Scott looks back at Tessa. “What about you? You should sleep too, T,” he reasons, wondering why she’s made a nest for herself down here when her bed would be much more comfortable.

Tessa shakes her head. “I don’t want to wake her up. She’s been such a light sleeper lately and if she hears me in the hallway she’ll want me to come to her and I just want her to get a good nap.” She sounds so tired just then. She blinks quickly, looking around at the living room surroundings. “I was going to just try to check out down here for a bit.”

“Have you had any lunch yet?”

She shrugs a little, like she’s thinking. “Some toast earlier.” There’s an empty plate on the coffee table with a few lingering crumbs. “Lizzie had cereal. And some banana.”

“I brought some food, if you want,” he offers. “Some turkey soup, a few leftovers.” He wonders how much she got to enjoy Christmas dinner yesterday if she’s not been feeling her best.

“Oh, soup would be great, Scott, thank you,” Tessa says, visibly brightening a little more. “The last few days have been...it’s been a weird holiday this year. Mom’s been helping me and she stayed over last night and that’s been great, but…” She pauses and swallows, then, and Scott wonders if she’s on the verge of tears all of a sudden.

He strokes his free hand down her arm again, hoping he’s helping. He doesn’t want to add to her stress right now. So he just listens as she keeps talking, lets her spill everything out. “I just feel like I’ve missed Christmas altogether, with both of us being sick. And it’s the first one where Lizzie could get to really see how it goes and see everyone, open presents and eat the food and…We tried a Santa photo on Christmas Eve and it was awful, Scott, she just wailed the whole time and I couldn’t get her calmed down for so long…” her starts voice breaking then and she swallows again, like she’s trying not to cry, and failing.

Scott doesn’t wait to react, just pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her. He feels her lean into the hug, sniffling a little now. “Oh, Tess, it’s okay. It’s okay, I promise,” he says, and truly means it.

Tessa turns her face towards his chest, putting her arms around his waist to hold onto him. He hears a few muffled gasps escape her as her shoulders start to shudder a little. Scott rubs one hand down her back, just holding her as she cries. He only wishes now that he’d come to check on her sooner. He hadn’t realized.

And he should have realized, it occurs to him then. Mentally, he’s kicking himself now. He’s dealt with everything she’s dealing with now, when the boys and Renee were that little and bringing home germs from daycare and struggling with sleepless nights and temper tantrums. But he’d done it with Chris by his side. And Chris had had him - at least as much as he could.

He knows Tess has her mother and siblings nearby, and they probably make things so much easier for her. But it’s different than having a partner, he knows, too. It’s a feeling he’s become well acquainted with in the last two years - albeit for very different reasons than Tess - and he hates that he’s been too far away to see it in her, too.

Tessa turns her head again, resting her cheek against Scott’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she says. “You probably didn’t come over here for all of this.”

“Of course I did,” he says right away. “I came to see  _ you _ ,” he insists.

“I love Lizzie so much,” Tessa says then. “She’s amazing, she’s the best thing that’s happened to me, Scott.” She sniffles again, bringing one hand up and brushes her sleeve against her nose and cheek. “But some days are just harder,” she says, and she sounds so defeated it makes his heart break a little. “I never realized how hard the hard days would feel.”

Tessa’s doing amazingly, from what he can see. She’s been doing so well with Lizzie the whole last year. Her daughter is happy and cared for and healthy. Lizzie has a mother who wants the best for her and is doing everything she can to make sure she has what she needs. But still, Scott understands.

“I know. The hard days are hard,” he says simply, because he knows they are. “It’s okay to cry,” he tells her, repeating the same thing Aidan’s always reminding him about. It’s always true.

They stay sitting like this a little while longer, Tessa eventually calming in his arms. Scott presses a kiss to her forehead, moving his hand gently up and down her back some more. Eventually she sits up again, looking a little steadier. He brings his hand to her face again, not checking for fever this time but just brushing away the tears that have collected.

“Thank you,” she breathes out. She smiles a little, and so does he. Then her smile drops all of a sudden. “Wait, Scott..what about your kids? You shouldn’t be here worrying about me, they probably need you instead…”

He’s shaking his head already before she’s finished speaking. “Tess, my mom’s brunch is probably still going on with the stragglers, and after that Charlie’s going to take all the kids out to work on a snow fort.” They’d had a big dump of snow overnight on Christmas Eve and hadn’t done anything with it yet. “They will hardly even notice I’m gone,” he insists.

“Okay,” she says, nodding a little. “Thank you again.”

“So...soup?” he asks.

“Yes. Yes, I would love some soup,” she says, laughing a bit. She wraps her blanket around her shoulders again a little more steadily.  

“Okay, we can do that,” he says. He leans in on instinct again and presses another kiss to her forehead, squeezing her shoulder with one hand. And then he busies himself, ready to spend the rest of the afternoon looking after her.

 

*

A little while later Tessa wakes, registering before she opens her eyes how relaxed and comfortable she feels. She’s covered in a blanket, reclining against the couch where she was earlier. But not just the couch, she realizes then - she’s half lying against Scott. She feels the warmth of his chest underneath her cheek, her arm slung around his waist.

Suddenly she opens her eyes, sitting up with a start. She looks around the living room. The light coming in from outside hasn’t gotten dark yet, so she can’t have been asleep for too long. Or rather,  _ they _ can’t have been. Next to her Scott is slumped on the sofa, his head leaning back against the cushions, his legs angled towards her, mirroring the angle she would have been lying in.

Then she checks the baby monitor on the table, relaxing again as she sees Lizzie on the little screen. Tessa watches she turns her head and smacks her lips in sleep. She lets out a breath and leans back against the couch, resting half against Scott again.

“Scott…” she starts to say, but her voice is rough from sleep and it comes out in a half-whisper. She reaches over and nudges him, clearing her throat. “Scott?” she tries again.

“Mmm,” he mumbles, coming awake slowly. He brings his arm that’s been draped over the back of the couch to curl around her shoulders, brushing one hand along her back just like he had been doing before.  

“Scott, are you awake?” she asks, her tone more assertive now.

He opens his eyes and sits up, her voice making him more alert. “Yeah,” he says, rubbing his eyes before looking at her properly. “Hey, you look a little better. A little cooler too, maybe,” he says, putting his hand on her forehead again. He lifts her chin to look at her closely, like he’s making sure. It’s nice. It felt nice before, too, when he was so attentive, checking on her. Holding her and listening to her unload.

“I feel better. How long did I sleep?”

Scott looks at his watch. “You must have been out for about an hour and a fifteen. Me about fifteen minutes less than that.”

He let her fall asleep on him for fifteen minutes. And he didn’t even mind. So very much didn’t mind that he was comfortable enough to join her in her nap for an hour. Her lips quirk in a half smile as she looks back at him. At his dumb, patient, caring face.

“Scott, you didn’t have to stay with me, you know. Lizzie’s been asleep too, and I...I feel better now that I’ve rested a bit.” She runs a hand through her hair, thinking she must still look like a mess.

“It’s all good, T, remember? I can head back in a little bit. Besides, if there was anything really crazy going on I would have gotten a message about it.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at it, then back at her with a nod, confirming nothing has gone off the rails. He puts his phone back in his pocket again.

Tessa opens her mouth to ask something else but is cut short by the sound of Lizzie waking up upstairs. It’s a babbling wail, more curious and energetic than upset.  _ At least she’s waking up in a good mood, too _ , she thinks in some relief.

She sits forward and starts to pull the blanket off of her shoulders, but Scott puts his hand out and stops her. “Let me go,” he says. “I can get her. You just hang out a little bit more. Have a cookie,” he adds, nodding towards the tin on the coffee table. Some of the food Scott brought over earlier, she remembers.

Tessa nods, acquiescing, and lets herself sink back into the couch while Scott heads upstairs. She hears his footsteps padding up the stairs and then down the hall, and then hears his voice greeting Lizzie. There’s a quiet pause, but then Lizzie starts babbling back to him and they have a little conversation together while Scott gets her changed. When Tessa realizes that’s what’s happening she starts to get up again and go help, but then stops herself.  _ He knows what he’s doing. _

Alone for a brief moment, Tessa allows herself to just sit, and lets herself enjoy feeling calm and rested.

It’s not that she hasn’t had support at all before today - her mother has been so helpful these last few days - the whole last year, really. So has the rest of her family. But it’s different with them. In many ways it still feels like more mothering time when she has them around - she’s still her mother’s daughter, and there’s conflict sometimes when her mother makes suggestions she disagrees with or does things in a different way from how Tessa would.

With Scott...Sitting with him before, hearing the concern in his voice for just her alone, and feeling him touch her with such care, it made her feel loved and cared for in a whole different way. Part of her had nearly burst into tears as soon as he’d sat down next to her. It’s been a long time since she can remember being touched and held like that. He held her like she was a regular person -  _ his _ person, not like she was someone’s parent or child. She sees now how much she’s needed that.

A few minutes later Scott comes down the stairs with Lizzie in his arms. She’s wearing a new sleeper and holding her bear, and has a freshly-slept pink-cheeked smile on her face. She looks rested and happy, and Tessa feels inexplicably like she could burst into laughter and tears at the same time.

“Hey, look who i found?” Scott says, and Tessa’s not sure if he’s talking to her or Lizzie, but she smiles so widely back at both of them. Lizzie does too, waving her arms and reaching towards Tessa as they sit down to join her.

“Mama!” Lizzie says right away, climbing into her mother’s lap. Tessa puts her arms around her just as easily, happy now to be holding onto the warm familiar weight of her daughter.

“My sweet girl,” she says gently, rocking her a little. She presses a kiss to the top of her head and runs a hand over her hair. She feels maybe a little bit warm, but mostly like she’s just woken up. And there’s good colour in her cheeks and her mood is happy. Tessa breathes a sigh of relief, so grateful to feel like they might be turning a corner in this tired, disjointed week of dashed expectations. And really, from Lizzie’s perspective, she doesn’t understand about how they all but missed Christmas. Right now she’s just happy to be here with her mama.

Tessa drops another kiss to Lizzie’s head, closing her eyes and breathing in the sleepy scent of her daughter. When she opens her eyes she sees Scott looking back at her, a warm expression on his face.

“Better?” he asks, hopeful.

“Better,” she nods. “Thank you,” she adds, and wills herself not to choke up again. It feels a little ridiculous, getting so emotional over such small things. She takes another breath. “She’ll want her bottle, I should-”

“I can do it,” Scott insists again, gently. “Are they in the fridge?” He’s up and moving towards the kitchen before she can say anything else.

“If there’s not one ready, they’re in the cupboard by the sink and the milk on the fridge door is hers-”

“I got it, T,” he calls, and she can hear him moving around the kitchen.

Lizzie sits up in Tessa’s lap, looking over towards the kitchen and listening. She looks up at Tessa, intrigued. “Bah?”

“Scott’s getting your bottle, sweetie,” she says. “He’ll be right back.”

“Cot,” Lizzie repeats, making an attempt at his name. She smiles and nods at Tessa. “Bah,” she agrees, clearly also quite content to have someone new to tend to her.

Tessa wonders what Lizzie makes of all of this. She doesn’t see Scott as often as Tessa would like her to, but she’s clearly at ease around him, and remembers him enough to know he’s someone she likes. Tessa can’t blame her for that. He has a purposeful ‘dad mode’ about him, still more so in the last couple of years than he ever did before. She thinks Lizzie would respond easily to that, even if Scott weren’t so likeable in the first place. And he’s very likeable. But besides Tessa’s brothers Lizzie doesn’t have a lot of consistent male figures in her life, and it’s a relief to see that she’s so comfortable with Scott. It makes her want to get more time with the two of them together.

Scott returns a moment later with the bottle in his hands, and a glass of water for Tessa. He hands the bottle to Lizzie, who takes it happily, and deposits the glass on the table in front of Tessa. She smiles at him, wanting to thank him again for what must be the hundredth time that day. They sit companionably for a couple of minutes, and it’s nice. Tessa’s got her happy daughter in her arms, Scott next to her, and feels better than she has in days.

Lizzie’s about halfway through her bottle when she looks over at Scott again, curious.

Scott’s expression brightens, in that way she’s seen him do with his own kids so many times. “Hey there Lizzie girl,” he says, waving a hand towards her and leaning forward so he’s right next to her. He reaches for her and wiggles one of her little feet. “You’re doing better now too, huh?”

Lizzie smiles back at him. She pats her hand on his arm and then his face. Then she returns to holding her bottle with both hands, but keeps her gaze on Scott. She stops every so often to smile at him again, and Tessa can tell Scott is entirely charmed by all of it.

“I think you have a new best friend,” Tessa tells him, chuckling a little.

“Of course we’re best friends,” Scott responds, looking right at Lizzie. “Why wouldn’t we be, right Lizzie?” He holds out a hand to her and Lizzie pats it again excitedly. Then she surprises Tessa by squirming out of her lap and moving to join Scott instead. Wordlessly, Tessa hands over the bottle and Lizzie reaches for it easily. She continues drinking, comfortable on Scott’s lap. Tessa reaches over and strokes her daughter’s face, delighted.

Lizzie finishes her bottle but stays where she is, clearly happy. Tessa looks around the room, eyes lighting on a couple of board books that have been Lizzie’s favourites lately. She grabs them and hands them to Scott, letting them enjoy some reading time together.

They’re just finishing the second story when Tessa hears the sound of the front door opening, and her mother’s voice calling out in greeting.

“We’re in here, Mom,” Tessa says, smiling as Lizzie recognizes her nana’s voice.

Kate joins them, pausing a little, but then sits with them in the armchair next to the couch. Tessa wonders, briefly, at the cozy little scene the three of them must make, together on the couch like this.

Lizzie climbs out of Scott’s lap then and makes her way to see Kate, holding up her little arms and repeating an excited “Nana!”

Smiling, Kate picks her up and kisses her cheek, hugging her close as Lizzie giggles. “Hello my dear, you’re looking so much better than this morning,” she says, brushing a hand across her cheek. “You are too, sweetheart,” she tells Tessa. “Did you get any rest?”

Tessa nods. “Yes, thanks to Scott. He must not have had any better way to spend his Boxing Day than looking after me,” she says with a wry look at him.

“Nope,” he says with a matching smile. He looks over at Kate. “Everything still good over at the house?”

“Oh yes,” she says. “I helped your mother with some of the clean up and we got to chatting. And I think you’ll find a sizeable snow fort by the time you get back, the whole group of them have been busy at it for over an hour,” she reports. “I brought some leftovers for you, Tess, Alma sent me back with a few things,” she adds. “Although I see Scott might have taken care of that already.” She glances at the cookie tin on the table.

Scott waves his hand in response, brushing it away. “Nah, more like some emergency rations, just in case.”

“Thank you again, by the way,” Tessa tells him gently. “For everything.”

“Nothing to thank me for,” he insists again. Then he stands, readying himself to leave. “I should probably get back. My guys have probably worn themselves out with the snow fort and will be ravenous soon, I’ll give Mom a break with dinner.”

“Good man,” Kate says. “I’m sure she’ll happily take it.”

He leans in and kisses Tessa’s cheek. Tessa does the same for him, and puts an arm around his shoulders in a brief hug. “I’ll come by again tomorrow if you’re up for it,” he tells her.

“Bring the kids with you,” she insists. “I might need a snow fort over here, too,” she adds, thinking Lizzie might enjoy watching the big kids play. Especially if she and her are both feeling better. “Since tomorrow’s my last chance to see you this year I’d better take it while I can.”

“I will do as the lady instructs,” he answers, squeezing her shoulder one last time. He turns to Kate and Lizzie. “Good to see you Kate,” he says, kissing her cheek too, and then leans in and does the same for Lizzie, brushing his hand over her hair. “Nice to hang out with you, Lizzie girl. See you tomorrow, okay?”

She pats her hand on Scott’s shoulder in agreement, smiling a pink-cheeked smile at him that makes Tessa’s heart glad.

And then Scott makes his way out and it’s just her and her mom and daughter again. Kate comes to sit next to Tessa and cuddles Lizzie some more. She’s looking at Tessa with a curious expression on her face.

“I’m fine, Mom, really. Scott let me nap, and he helped Lizzie out and played with her for a bit. It was nice.”

“I’m glad,” Kate says. “And you do look more rested.” Tessa thinks she wants to say something else, but then she doesn’t.

Tessa stands then, stretching a little bit. “Should I put together some of this for dinner?” She asks her mother, reaching for the bag of food Kate brought back with her.

“Why don’t I do that, darling,” she offers. “You can sit a little longer if you want to.”

“I’ll sit in the kitchen with you while you do it, how about that,” Tessa says, meeting her halfway.

“I like the sound of that,” she says, standing up. “I can catch you up on the party if you like.”

“Oh yes, please do. I hate that I missed it.” Tessa reaches for Lizzie so Kate can grab the food.

She joins her mother in the warm kitchen, enjoying the cozy feeling of her daughter snuggled in her arms. She sits and listens while Kate chats with her and reports on all the stories from the party. The holiday might turn out to be not be such a bad one after all.

Tessa’s left, too, with the feeling of how little she truly gets to see Scott in person anymore. He’s just a couple of hours down the road now and she’d sworn she’d get to see him and work with him more once he made the move to Toronto. She vows to do better next year, to spend more time with him and let her daughter get to know Scott properly. She wants that, so much, even more than ever.  
  


*

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: The next year brings more competitions, more gatherings, and new discoveries for both Tessa and Scott. (And Scott's family gets a dog.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to peacefulboo, iwantthemtostay, and G for being amazing beta readers. Thank you all for reading!

 

The new year arrives, and along with it the rest of the competitive season. Tessa’s been enjoying joining in at the local rink in Ilderton, working with some of the novices and juniors once a week or so. She’s also been enjoying her gradual return to the coaching side of things with Scott, having started dropping in to work with him in Toronto twice a month since the fall. 

On those trips she’s decided now to try to bring Lizzie with her when she can, so that her daughter can continue to get to know Scott and his kids better as she gets bigger and can remember people more. It’s amazing to her that her daughter is now a little over year old - a walking, smiling, almost-talking little person of her own. She’s interacting with the other little kids at her daycare, and is starting to pick up more words. As much as there are hard days for Tessa as a solo parent, she finds herself feeling excited about new things each week, watching her daughter learn and grow.

So, while she finds it fulfilling to return to work, some days it’s also challenging. When she’s away from Lizzie she finds herself thinking about her daughter. And some days when she’s at home, sitting up late with Lizzie when she’s having a bad night, or when she suddenly refuses to take her bottle and wants to be nursed again, Tessa finds her mind drifting back to the ice. She’s come to realize this is probably going to be the new normal in her life. 

“Is this what it’s like?” she asks Scott one morning the week after New Year’s. “Wishing you could be in two places at once, all the time?” 

They’re standing just behind the boards with their coffees, skates laced up, waiting for Anna and Ravi to join them. The ice is fresh and the club is starting to come to life. This trip is one Tessa elected to make without Lizzie, since she’s planning to bring her along to Nationals the following week. Today she’s helping Scott with some final notes for the team.

Scott doesn’t respond right away, but nods, a gentle smile on his face. “Well...yeah, sort of,” he says. When he looks at her then he shrugs a little, still smiling. “It kind of sucks, doesn’t it?”

Tessa breaths out a laugh, cringing. “It kind of does, yeah,” she admits. She nestles herself deeper into her coat and cowl, eyes closing as she remembers Lizzie’s face, peaceful in sleep when she’d kissed her goodbye so early that morning. 

She opens her eyes again and Scott’s standing closer to her now, his shoulder nudging hers. She takes another sip of coffee, realizing then that Scott must have gotten hers with a bit of vanilla syrup in it, and it makes her smile back at him.

“I remember when I was at the Beijing games the boys were still only four months old, then,” Scott says. “The day I left was the worst. They were getting to such a great stage by then, they were holding their heads up and interacting more, and smiling all the time.” He laughs a little, thinking about it. It makes Tessa smile, too, thinking about Lizzie when she was so little. “And then...I had to pack up and leave them for two weeks,” he says, his voice dropping in regret even thinking about it now, years later. “And Chris was so good about all of it, she hardly complained at all. She just kept reassuring me that my team needed me and she’d send me photos and videos all the time. Which she did,” he adds. 

Tessa thinks back, trying to remember those Olympics. They’d been the first games she had been a part of for the commentating team. She’d had to accelerate some of her studies to be ready to leave her program for two weeks, too, and it had been hard work but she’d managed it. Now it almost feels like another lifetime ago.

“Right after I got back from Beijing Max and Aidan started getting into a bad sleep phase. We got lucky, it only lasted a couple of weeks and then things settled down to normal again after that. It was almost like the boys were waiting until I got home to really wreak havoc on the household,” Scott says, and she can tell he’s only partly joking. He takes another sip of coffee, too, thinking. “It was always the hardest in the winter, having to be away so many weeks. There were some days I felt like Chris deserved someone better, more reliable,” he says, more quietly.

“Oh Scott,” Tessa practically blurts out. “No, it wasn’t like that. You know it wasn’t,” she insists more gently, bumping his arm with hers. She remembers, too, her conversations with Christine around that time. How much Christine had understood about Scott feeling torn, and how hard it had been but how she and Scott had both been committed to doing their best and working through it. They’d both been such keen parents, and they’d gone into it with eyes open. 

“I know,” he says. “Some days you just can’t help those feelings. I’d always come around. And we had help, too,” he adds, nudging her back. “Just like you do now.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty lucky there,” she admits. “It’s a lot sometimes. But I’d never have gotten through Lizzie’s first year without my mom, and the rest of my family. And you,” she says, looking up at him. 

He smiles at her again, that same smile as before, tinged with something like regret. “I should have been there for you more,” he tells her, quietly. “I...I want to be there for you more.”

“You have been,” she says, her voice matching his. “You will be, okay?” she insists again, nodding up at him.

He nods back, his smile fading a little but a relaxed warmth taking its place in his expression. His face is so close and she just wants to press a kiss on his cheek, so she does, and he returns the gesture. She re-settles her coffee in her other hand so she can slip her free hand into the crook of Scott’s elbow, nestling close to him and leaning against his shoulder. She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head and put his free hand on top of hers. 

Together they watch the rink come to life, as a few junior skaters start taking the ice for warm-ups. And then Anna and Ravi join, too, and they set aside their coffees, ready to warm up and get to work. 

As the day carries on Tessa focusses her energies on supporting the skaters as much as possible - especially Anna and Ravi but also some of the younger ones, offering tips and advice whenever she can. It’s a good reminder to get the most out of her time on the ice when she’s there. And then when she’s back at home with her daughter she’ll give her attention over to Lizzie as much as she possibly can.    
  


*

The 2029 Canadian championships come to Ottawa, which suits Tessa well for being fairly close. She decides to take Lizzie with her and her mother offers to come along too for support - which Tessa accepts, gratefully. It sets some wheels turning in her mind about how she’ll need to start arranging more consistent help with Lizzie if she’s going to come with her for trips like this more often in the future. But she wants Lizzie to feel comfortable travelling away from home - not just to Scott’s place or Jordan’s in Toronto, but in different cities and meeting different people. And she doesn’t see any reason not to start now. 

It’s worth it when she looks over at her mother in the stands, holding Lizzie on her lap, a delighted, curious expression on her face as she watches the crowds. And it’s so,  _ so _ worth it when she joins Scott behind the scenes and in the kiss ’n cry for Anna and Ravi, officially part of their coaching team. When the scores come in and Anna and Ravi claim their third national title - their highest score yet - it’s the first time she gets to embrace them as winners in front of the cameras, and it’s an amazing feeling.   

Kate and Lizzie come to find Tessa backstage afterwards. Lizzie reaches for her mother eagerly, a smile on her face even though Tessa knows she must be tired. It’s just early evening now, but well past Lizzie’s normal bedtime.

“She fell asleep for a little bit,” Kate says, anticipating Tessa’s questions. “But she was really good, she was happy to sit for a while. And we had lots of people to watch. And Mr. Bear had a good time too.” Lizzie holds up her teddy, happily nodding in agreement. 

“Oh I’m glad,” Tessa says, holding her warmly. “Did you like the skating, sweetheart?” Lizzie nods, then nestles herself against Tessa’s shoulder. Tessa laughs gently, rubbing her hand against her back. “I know, it was a big day, huh?”

Scott approaches then, making a beeline for the three of them. “You can say that again,” Scott says in greeting. He kisses Kate’s cheek and then Tessa’s, then holds out a hand to high-five Lizzie, who sits up straighter in Tessa’s arms when she sees him. 

“Can you say hi to Scott, sweetie?”

Lizzie pats Scott’s hand back, smiling. “ _ Cot _ ,” she pronounces enthusiastically. 

“Hey Lizzie girl,” he says, as charmed as ever by her. “Still my best girlfriend?” He holds out his hands to take her and she goes to him. 

Tessa smiles and shakes her head a little. “I think you’re still her new favourite person, ever since Christmas.”

“Hey, I don’t do holiday house calls for just anyone, you know,” he says, bouncing Lizzie a little bit. She grabs at the lanyard around his neck and the fabric of his collar, content to investigate him.

“Oh, she remembers,” Tessa insists. “After the holidays she kept asking about you, and the kids, too,” she says. 

“Yes, my gang does tend to leave a strong impression,” Scott says, a slightly harried look on his face. 

“They’re not with you this week, Scott?” Kate wonders, looking around as though she might have missed them.

Scott shakes his head. “Nah, not this year. They’re still getting used to their new schools and I didn’t want to pull them out for a week this early in the game,” he explains. Absentmindedly, he holds up the tag on his lanyard for Lizzie to grab onto, which she does. “Mom’s with them at home this week and she’s got the sitter for backup.”

“It was great to see them on the holidays, too,” Kate says. “I’m glad you’re all doing so well in your new place. I know it can take a while to adjust.”

“You can say that again,” Scott says. Tessa’s heard from him before about how it took a bit of time for them to adjust to their new schools. “But I got really lucky with my three, they’re pretty resilient,” he says, gently. “And they’re good at making friends.” Tessa smiles back at him, wondering if he realizes how much they’ve learned those traits from him. 

Just then Lizzie starts fussing a little, rubbing her eyes and drooping. Scott rubs one hand along her back, and her head. “Ah, you’ve had a big day, haven’t you?” he says softly.

“I think it’s time for us to say goodnight,” Kate says, reaching for Lizzie. He hands the girl back over to her grandmother, and she leans into her arms easily. “See you back at the hotel later?” she says to Tessa.

“You will. Thanks for everything, Mom,” Tessa says. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay sweetie?” She kisses Lizzie goodbye and then her mother as well, and watches wistfully for a moment as they head out. There’s a part of her that wants to follow them and say goodnight, too, to skip the celebrations with Scott and the team, and curl up snugly with her family instead.

She feels Scott next to her, and his hand at her back. “Hey, we can take a rain cheque on the celebration dinner if you want to,” he offers, as though reading her thoughts. “Make it a brunch instead?”

Tessa turns and looks back at Scott, reading the honest, knowing concern in his face. She genuinely considers it, too. But she knows that Lizzie will most likely be asleep inside of half an hour, and Tessa will be there with her when she wakes up in the morning. And Anna and Ravi have just won their third national championship, in their second to last season of competition. 

She smiles back at him and then shakes her head, resting a hand at his waist, too. “It’s okay. I want to celebrate with you guys. With the  _ team _ ,” she emphasizes.

Scott smiles at her too, fitting his arm more firmly around her. “Good,” he says. “So do I.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head. Just then she sees Anna emerge from the locker room, and Tessa goes to embrace her again. Not long after that they enjoy a celebratory toast, before talking about the next couple of months ahead.    
  


*

By the time Worlds arrive this year, Scott knows Anna and Ravi are more than ready. They’ve been working hard, as they have every year, and he thinks the shift to Toronto might have done them more good than they realize - they’ve talked a little bit about what it’s like to be slightly bigger fish in a smaller pond. They’ve learned to work with a new coaching staff and train with a new crowd. And training away from home has solidified their relationship with Scott in a new way, which Scott thinks has done him just as much good as it has them. The vibe in Toronto has felt very focussed. No less competitive, but it’s like they’ve gotten a new little groove all to themselves. 

The rhythm dance this season has focussed on the Golden Waltz, a dance pattern that Scott’s seen some of the up-and-coming dance teams struggle with on the international stage this year. It has turned out to be a blessing for Anna and Ravi, not only because it matches their classical style so well, but because they’re just plain good at it. They’ve been hitting high marks on all their levels in the rhythm dance all season, which has given them good momentum going into their free dance program - a lighter, high energy program set to selections from ‘Anything Goes.’

They’ve also benefited from working with Tessa more frequently again, since her return from maternity leave. Scott wonders if Tessa realizes how much they value working with her, too, how much she looks out for specific details that he doesn’t always catch. She also brings a kind of level-headness to their planning, helping them to think long term, not just for the current season but about their sponsorship contracts and what their other goals are. And he knows Tessa and Anna connect with each other in a way he can’t pretend to - they always have. 

When all four of them are on the ice together in practice sessions Scott can’t help but smile to himself, enjoying the work like it’s brand new all over again. It makes him think about their time working with Marie-France and Patrice, and how open and supportive they were - and also hard and persistent when they needed to be. It gives him new motivation to continue building a strong program where he is now. 

Nationals this year was the first time he’d had Tessa next to him at a competition, on the coaching side, but definitely not the last. She’d been there at Nationals, and then Four Continents, and now here at Worlds in Helsinki. He knows she’s still getting a feel for it - travelling and parenting at the same time. Tessa hasn’t wanted to bring Lizzie along for international events just yet, but Scott suspects that might change as she gets older. He hopes that’s the case - he thinks about when he and Chris brought all three of theirs along to the Calgary games and how it changed their whole view on what Scott did for a living, and on winter sports in general. 

When they’re off duty she immerses herself more with checking in at home. The previous evening just as he’d been getting ready for bed he’d gotten a message from her, with a video clip attached. It’s of Lizzie, eating breakfast and babbling, saying ‘hi, Mama!’ for the camera. Kate must have sent it earlier in the day. He returns the message with a clip his own mother had sent along, of the boys and Renée making a snowman in the backyard. 

Early the next morning he does a video call with his mother and the kids, all in various stages of Saturday excitement. They’re happy to talk to him and ask him again when he’s coming back. He reassures them he’ll be back the day after tomorrow, and that, yes, he’ll bring back something for each of them. He knows Tessa will be starting her day with a similar call. “Things are good at home?” he asks her over breakfast.

Tessa nods. “Things are good. Lizzie asked me three times when I’m coming home,” she says, her face falling a little. “I told her just a little bit longer. But Mom said Lizzie’s been sleeping well so that means she’s probably been sleeping well, too,” she says with some relief. “Things are good,” she repeats. She glances at her phone again quickly, looking relaxed that there haven’t been any new messages.

“Ah, I’m sure Kate knows what she’s in for, right? She raised four of you.”

“Yes, which she takes pleasure in reminding me about now, quite frequently,” she adds wryly.

“I know that feeling. As soon as Renée came it was like I was in the secret club or something, Mom started telling me all about what it was like for her with three of us.” 

“Oh man, I still can’t imagine it, Scott. I’m impressed you’re all still in one piece.” She puts aside her empty plate and takes up her coffee cup, still half full. 

“Most days we manage okay,” he says gently. “Honestly it really is chaos sometimes, though. I think I’ve mostly just learned to lean into it.”

“That’s reassuring at least,” she says, sipping her coffee.

“Any progress on finding a sitter?” he asks, taking a sip of his as well. 

“There might be,” she says, nodding, her expression more hopeful. “Lizzie really likes Amanda, we’ve had her a few times the last few months, and Mom’s had her helping out this week too. I think she might work out.”

“That’s no small feat, believe me. I got lucky with Petra.” Ever since the move he’d found himself in a similar situation to Tessa - wanting to take up his mother on offers of support, but not wanting to over-tax her either. He’d been fortunate with a good recommendation for a sitter to help with the kids after school, and she’d started to take on some weekends as well when he needs to be away. There are weeks when it feels like he hardly sees his kids’ faces - usually right around this time of year - and he reminds himself he’ll be back home soon, immersed in the family chaos once again.

“I know,” Tessa says. “Lizzie’s doing great in daycare now, and my mom is always so helpful but I think I’m still figuring out how to do trips like these with long stretches away.” He knows she’s thinking a lot about the skating travel, but also her business work - she’s told him about engaging her design team again, and reconnecting with B2ten. He wonders if there’s something else, though, from the way she’s talking.

“You’ve got plans, don’t you, T?” he asks, a knowing smile crossing his face. 

“Of course I do! I always have plans,” she demures, straightening her posture a little.

“Yeah, but...you’ve got that tone in your voice, I can tell.”

“What tone?”

“The one. The one where you’re thinking about the next thing to do. Where you’re trying not to make it sound like you’re unhappy.”

“Hey, I  _ am _ happy,” she protests. “Things are actually pretty great right now. It’s been so good this year Scott, really, I’m loving working with you.”

“I love it too, T,” he insists. “You know that, right?” he adds, suddenly worried that he hasn’t emphasized that enough.

“Of course I do, Scott, I...It’s been a really good season. And if Anna and Ravi don’t make the podium after tonight’s skate...well anyway they’re  _ going _ to, I know it, and it’s been so worth it working with them this year. And you,” she adds. 

“I know, T,” he repeats, “I got it, really,” he says, putting out a hand towards her, which she takes and squeezes. “And we don’t want to let you go, either. Believe me, all the juniors and little guys just fall in line when you come by the club, you can’t leave us now.”

Tessa laughs. “I don’t think it’s exactly like that, but no, don’t worry. You’re stuck with me.”

“Oh I think it’s exactly like that,” he insists. “Plus you’re not bad at choreography, either,” he says with a wink.

“No,” she says, agreeing with him with a pleased smile on her face. “I’m not too bad at all.” 

He laughs with her then, a good long laugh that leaves him feeling more relaxed than he has since they landed in Helsinki. 

They gather their things and toss their coffee cups, ready to find their team and go over final notes and mental prep. 

“Anyway, T...let me know if you want help figuring it out. Whatever...whatever that next thing is.”

Tessa laughs again, slipping her hand into the crook of his arm as they walk. “Of course I will, you know I will.”

That night, Anna and Ravi skate flawlessly, performing their hearts out. They earn not just a standing ovation, but a third place finish, their first Worlds medal ever. 

They celebrate together afterwards, the four of them. And as much as Scott knows all four of them have families waiting for them at home, eager to see them when the winning is done and the work is over for the season - he can’t help feeling like this is his family, too.    
  


*

In the aftermath of the season, Scott finds himself very ready to settle in for a few weeks of down time at home. It’s been quite a year - a good finish for his top team, good work accomplished so far at the Cricket Club, and he’s boosted by the knowledge that he’ll continue building his program with Tessa at his side, for whatever time she has to give to them. All in all he feels more at ease, heading into the spring and summer with a clearer sense of where his professional life stands.

It’s also, his kids remind him, the same time he’d promised them they would get a dog. He’d barely been a few hours in the door getting back from Helsinki when they’d ambushed him about it. The gifts of plush snow foxes and Finnish board games barely held their interest for a moment. He’d looked over at his mother for help, and found only a knowing smile and a shrug.

“They remember you said you’d get one after the season was done,” Alma had explained brightly. “And they know Worlds is the last of the season.”  _ That’s true _ , he’d thought. They’ve watched him come and go every year and they know the rhythm of the competition cycle as well as anyone by now.

“ _ Yeah _ ,” Max had said, “you said this year, Dad!”

“Please, Daddy?” Renée had jumped in almost on cue, Aidan right next to her. “Janey in my class has  _ two _ dogs,” she’d said, as though this was the final piece of the argument. 

So the following week Scott takes them down to the local animal rescue for one of their adoption days, not sure exactly what will come of it. One of the friendly staff members helps them look around as a group, steering them towards the dogs that are better socialized for families with children. They see several animals that appeal to them, and it’s a while before they make a decision. In the end, Renée keeps coming back to a young shepherd mix, a gangly-looking two-year-old who’d been fostered for a couple of months and was ready to find a home. The dog licks her hand gently and Renée laughs when he sniffs her out closely and tickles her face with his whiskers. 

Scott makes sure all three of the kids get a turn petting him and playing with the dog for a few minutes. He does too, crouching down and petting him and letting him sniff him all over too, and eventually lick his face. He can tell from the looks on the kids’ faces that leaving without this particular dog will result in crushed hearts. After a good chat with the woman on staff, a bit of paperwork and lots of instructions about care and training and a recommendation for a good local veterinarian, they head home with the newest four-legged, brown-haired member of their family. 

“Ringo?” Tess asks Scott a couple of weeks later, a delighted expression on her face. She and Lizzie are visiting them for the first time since they got the dog. “That is such an awesome name for a dog, Scott.” 

They’re out in the backyard, the kids practicing some of the obedience commands they’ve been learning, and using the leash. He guesses it’s the first time Lizzie’s interacted closely with an animal larger than her. Scott can tell she’s curious but still a little hesitant, and has so far been hanging back next to Tessa, one hand clutching at her leg as she watches with big eyes. He doesn’t want to push her to engage with the dog too quickly, not sure yet how timid she might be about things like this.

“Aidan’s the one you can thank for the name,” Scott says, watching them all interact. “Apparently the seven-and-a-half-year-old crowd is very into old music these days. And it turns out Aidan is very persuasive.”

“Well clearly it’s a sign of his good taste,” Tessa affirms, nodding.

Scott laughs. “That particular taste level must have skipped a generation, then. You are welcome to foster all the love of weird old people music with him, I will just buy the records and stay out of the way.”

Tessa’s expression lights up. “Oh, that will be  _ fun _ , Scott. I’m going to set him up with all my playlists.” 

“Deal,” he says. “Just let me know when I can return the favour with Lizzie.”

At that, he sees Tessa look down at her daughter, who’s started to inch forward a little, a cautious smile on her face. “Dog, Mama!” Lizzie says, pointing now. “Big dog,” she adds, as though in awe. 

Renée comes up then, eager. “Ringo knows ‘stay’ now!” she explains. “We all tried it, he does it for me  _ and _ Max and Aidan.” Sure enough, Scott watches as Max walks a lap around the yard with Ringo on the leash, and then stops and stays again. The dog sits for him, content. 

Scott decides this is a good moment to let Lizzie approach closer if she wants to. “Should we go meet the dog, Lizzie girl?” he says, stepping closer to her. “I promise he’s a friendly guy,’ he adds. He holds out his hand to her and Lizzie takes it, nodding, Tessa a couple of steps behind them. 

They approach Max and Ringo and the dog’s tail is already wagging, ready to greet someone new. Scott shows Lizzie how to put her hands out for the dog to sniff and Scott does the same, in demonstration. Sure enough Ringo thoroughly sniffs her hands, and then her arms, and her face before licking her cheeks. She lets out a startled shriek that Scott can’t tell for sure if it’s happy or upset, and so he puts one arm out to hold the dog back by his collar.

“Whoa there buddy, easy now,” he says. 

But when he looks over at Lizzie again she’s got the biggest little grin on her face. Tessa crouches behind her daughter, wearing the exact same expression. Tessa holds out her hand to Ringo too, and receives the exact same greeting from him that Lizzie did a moment ago. Lizzie lets out her happy shriek again and it’s the best sound. Tessa shows her how to pet Ringo on his head and shoulders, and the dog sits patiently, happily panting and letting these new people show him affection. 

“Oh, he’s lovely, Scott. You all got really lucky finding this guy.” 

“I really agree,” he says. “He’s changed some things up in the house, that’s for sure,” he admits, thinking about how the kids have had to learn to take care of him and look after his food and learn commands. And Scott can tell he’s probably going to be the one walking him more often than not, if not their sitter Petra when she’s here. But the new pet also been a whole new source of excitement, and comfort, and love, and there’s no way Scott could turn down the chance at more of those things in his home. 

“What do you think, sweetie? Is he a good dog?” Tessa asks Lizzie, who’s giggling again as Ringo sniffs her once more.

“Good dog!” Lizzie says, agreeing enthusiastically. She launches herself forward then, throwing her arms around the dog’s shoulders. Scott laughs, momentarily convinced Ringo’s expression has changed to one of prideful satisfaction. 

“You’ve got that right, Lizzie girl,” he answers, feeling relieved and relaxed. “You’ve got that right.”

 

*

The Canada Day celebrations that kick off the summer feel like the biggest ones Tessa can remember in years. It’s even better this year, now that Lizzie’s getting old enough to run around and chase after the big kids a little bit. Tessa already wishes she could slow this summer down, and make it last and and last. It’s shaping up to be a warm and sunny one, too, if the bright weather of June had been any indication. 

After a few days filled with a string of barbeques and picnics Tessa decides to pack herself and Lizzie off to the cottage, along with Jordan and her two boys. A nice long week at the beach to start the summer, they decide.

“You should come too, Scott,” Tessa nudges him over the phone. “Bring the kids, you know there’s tons of room. We’ve got the mattresses and sleeping bags and everything for the kids, and we’re bringing so much food. And wine. And beer,” she adds, since Jordan’s husband Josh will be joining them at least for the weekend before heading back to his firm in the city. She’s got Scott on video message while she makes use of Lizzie’s naptime to put suitcases together. 

“Oh, the kids would love it like crazy,” he says. “I’m pretty sure Renée plans to spend the summer living in in her swimsuit. But are you sure, T?” he asks, double-checking. “The dog too?”

“Of course Ringo too. We’ve had dogs at the cabin before,” she reassures him, thinking back to when they had a family dog when they were younger. Casey’s family had had one too for several years, but hadn’t replaced her yet since she’d died last year. “Besides, Lizzie adores him.”

“I mean, it would definitely work out to come for a few days,” he says, thinking it over. “Next weekend I’m bringing the kids to Montreal, I promised Sarah we’d visit her and it’s been too long.”

“Oh, how wonderful. Please give her a big hug for me, Scott, I hope she’s doing well.” She kicks herself for not writing Sarah as much the last couple of months. Ever since the competition season ended she’d let herself get absorbed back into managing her business commitments and spending as much time with Lizzie as she can.

“I will for sure,” he says, chuckling. “And I think she’s doing well. The thing is...I think she might have met someone,” he adds, his tone brightening in an almost furtive way. 

“Really?” Tessa reacts cheerfully. Sarah had been on her own for so long. “That’s wonderful, I’m glad for her. Do you know how they met?”

“No idea. I’m sure I’ll find out more next weekend. But she’s mentioned someone named Isabel a lot whenever I’ve talked to her lately, and made a point of saying she’ll be there when we visit.”

Tessa’s smile broadens. “Oh, please definitely give her my best then. I’m going to write her this week and try to catch up, too.”

“Deal.” He runs one hand through his hair. “Okay, then we’re sold for the cottage with you guys. Maybe just for a couple of nights, though, I don’t want to overwhelm you the whole week.”

“Scott, I’ve told you a thousand times, you never overwhelm me. None of you ever have,” Tessa insists. She looks back at him into the camera and lifts her eyebrows for effect. She waits to make sure he gets the message this time, and is rewarded with a quick sigh as he closes his eyes briefly and then laughs.

“You got it, T. We’ll come for a few days. We’ll...we’ll play it by ear, though. If they start to melt down, then we’re out of your hair.”

She laughs. “Deal. But I am serious, Scott, it will be fine.”

And it is, truly. The good weather holds up, they manage to find places for everyone to sleep without too many arguments, and by the second night everyone is already falling soundly asleep after a full day of activity.

By the third afternoon they’ve started to fall into a kind of rhythm. The older kids have figured out where to find everything they need, and there are enough adults around to help the younger ones. They play games, and read, and spend a few hours at the beach every day. There’s space for the dog to run around, and the boys alternate throwing sticks for him to catch in the water. 

Tessa’s sitting with Lizzie on one of the few sandy patches, making an attempt at a sandcastle. She’s already put more sunscreen on the girl and her hat’s been staying on pretty well, but her hair has been getting a little unruly. 

“Come here, sweetheart, we’re going to fix this,” she says, pulling some hair ties out of her bag. Lizzie sits down on her lap and Tessa combs through her hair with her fingers. Her hair isn’t too long yet but it is starting to get thicker, just like Tessa’s. She pulls it back into two little pigtails, making decent work of it. “There we go, so much better without your hair blowing in your eyes isn’t it?” She plants an exaggerated kiss on Lizzie’s cheek, and the girl laughs. She squirms out of Tessa’s lap, eager to return to her sandcastle project. 

Renée comes up to join them then, the dog keeping pace next to her. She tells Ringo, decisively, to sit, and he does. Tessa smiles, reaching over to scratch his ears. “Good boy,” she tells him, and is rewarded with a gentle lick. He looks like he’s ready for some sitting time, she thinks, just like the rest of them. Renée starts joining in on building a castle, which Lizzie is happy to let her do. 

As they work Tessa notices Renée’s hair is falling out of her ponytail, too, and she offers to fix it.  Renée sits in front of her as Tessa pulls her hair away from her face and starts working. She’s got such lovely long blonde hair now, made even lighter by the summer sun. “I’m going to do a braid for you, honey,” Tessa says. “Your hair’s gotten so long!”

“That’s what Daddy says,” Renée tells her, and Tessa can almost hear the sigh of exasperation in her voice. Tessa laughs.

“Yeah, I suppose Daddy needs more practice in the hairstyling department,” Tessa tells her sympathetically. She wonders if Scott’s been working at that. It must be one of the hard things about being the only girl in a house full of boys, she thinks. She makes a mental note to talk to Scott about it later, ask if he wants any tips. And to show Renée a few things this week if she wants. 

Lizzie comes to sit next to Tessa again. She pats her own little pigtails with one hand, watching with interest in what her mother’s hands are doing. Another moment later Tessa’s finished the braid and pats Renée on the shoulder. “All done. Let’s have a look at you,” she says. 

Renée turns around, a smile on her face as she puts out a hand to feel Tessa’s work. “How is it?”

Looking back at the girl, Tessa’s breath catches in her throat. She looks so like Christine just then - so grown up, at all of five and a half years old. With her sun-lightened hair pulled away from her face, Renée’s summer freckles are that much more prominent, and combined with the girl’s bright blue eyes...it’s like her old friend is looking back at her.

“Does it look okay?” Renée asks, checking again. She looks worried all of a sudden and Tessa realizes she’s been just looking at her silently for a very long moment. 

Tessa rubs her shoulder reassuringly, and smiles back. “Oh, yes, sweetheart, you look beautiful.” She can see Scott coming to join them from down the beach, then, Max and Aidan not far behind him. “Go show Daddy, okay?” 

“Okay!” Renée gets up and runs eagerly towards Scott. “Tessa did my hair, see?” she tells him, happy to show it off. 

Tessa swallows, leaning back with both hands in the sand next to her to steady herself. She watches as Scott pauses for the briefest moment when he looks at her, and then breaks out in a smile to match Renée’s.  

“Oh, you look beautiful, hon,” Scott says. “She did a great job.” He leans forward, half crouching as he examines Renée’s hair. But mostly he’s looking at her face, with such a kind, loving expression on his. 

“Hey, did you know you look just like your mother like that?” he tells her, more softly this time, one hand under her chin. He hasn’t lost the smile on his face.

Tessa watches as Renée grins even more now, one hand flying to touch her braid again. “Really?” It’s like it’s the best compliment anyone could have given her. 

“Really,” Scott says with a wink, and kisses her cheek. 

Tessa releases the breath she’d been holding, watching them. Next to her Lizzie starts bouncing again and launches herself at Tessa with a spontaneous giggle. She wraps her arms around her daughter and holds on tightly. 

  
  


*

By the middle of July Scott feels a bit of breathing space in his life for the first time in a long while. He’d come into this summer still fresh from a very good season the previous year, and things are feeling solid now that he’s seen nearly a full year at the Cricket Club. The ramp-up for the next year of competition is starting up again too, as he starts working through ideas with Anna and Ravi for their final Olympic year. He’s grateful, again, to have Tessa back with them for another year. He can’t replace the presence and steadiness she brings. It’s made a world of difference helping them to start visualizing the programs and work through the music.

Life at home is good too, especially with the help of a regular babysitter and housekeeper to help keep things running. The kids all have new friends they play with every week, and they come home from school - and then day camp, in the summer - with typical stories, and complaints, and new things to be excited about. They take turns feeding and walking Ringo, and every week Scott tries to spend a little time with each of the three of them to hear about their day or what they’re thinking about. He works hard to make sure they eat dinner together, even if it’s something fast. 

Things are good. He realizes this is what it feels like to have a normal, everyday life again. It’s a feeling he meets with relief. There had been a time, not terribly long ago, when he wasn’t sure that would ever happen again. These last few years he’s tried to keep Christine’s presence in their home in good ways - framed family photos from their time together hang in the new house, from their wedding, from when their children were brand new. He still thinks about her often, and remembers her in a way he can be at peace with. He knows now what it feels like now to carry her with him as part of his life while still moving on, and hopes his children do, too. 

Danny and his family visit over the August long weekend, a good long visit that lets his kids reconnect with their Alberta cousins who are older and amazingly cool. Charlotte’s a grown teenager now, which amazes Scott all the time, and smart and gorgeous. 

He spends a couple of good evenings on the deck with his brother, watching the dusk fade and listening to crickets and the quieting sounds of the city, the kids long asleep. 

“Gonna be a big year ahead, eh little brother?” They’re leaning back in the deck chairs, side by side. 

“Pretty much,” Scott says. His half-empty bottle dangles from one hand. If he reaches down with his other he can scratch Ringo’s head and ears, the dog sacked out next to them. “Olympic years are always bigger. Always...a little crazier,” he says, thinking out loud. And it’s true. There’s an intensity to Olympic competition that’s hard to compare with anything else, even going to World’s. 

Danny chuckles, taking a swig from his beer. “You’ll be good though. So will your team.”

“I hope so. They’ve been stepping it up a lot the last couple of years. They can get to the podium, I know they can.”

“Do they know it?” Danny asks. 

Scott lifts his bottle, taking a sip as he thinks about it quickly. “I think so. They’re...cautious, but they know they can do it.”

“They will,” he says again. “I’ve got a good feeling about those two,” Danny insists. 

Scott laughs this time. “I swear it’s like I’ve watched them grow up, Dan,” he says. “They’ll be retired champions after this year, an old married couple in their mid-twenties.”

“ _ Hah _ ,” Danny coughs out. “You might be exaggerating a little bit there.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he admits. “It’s nice, though. They’ve always had each other. They still will, when they’re finished.”

They keep on chatting, as the evening darkens around them and their bottles eventually sit empty. Danny talks about moving into a new leadership position in the fall, and his wife Tessa’s changes at her job as well. They’re getting Charlotte ready to head off to university soon, which has taken up most of her mental energy the last few months. 

Eventually Danny starts asking Scott about his own relationships. 

“You think there’s anyone new for you on the horizon, little brother?” he asks. His voice is calm, like he’s nudging him but still sympathetic. 

Scott lets out a long breath. “Ah, Dan, I don’t know about that yet.” Truthfully, it’s a question he’s started to ask himself a few times recently. He hasn’t come up with a solid yes or no either way, and he’s still not sure exactly why. 

“Sure,” Danny responds. “It’s hard. I mean, let’s be real, dating is sort of the worst even under the most normal circumstances.”

Scott snorts. “Oh? And how would  _ you _ know, exactly?” His brother’s been married so long Scott’s lost count of which anniversary they’re coming up on.

“Hey, I hear things. My single buddies keep me in the loop, trust me.”

“Uh huh,” Scott answers wryly. He reaches down to pat Ringo, scratching his back. The dog lifts his head to nudge him back with a damp nose, before resting his head down again. 

“I’m just saying...You could always try it out,” Danny reasons. “It doesn’t need to be super serious, just...maybe someone to have dinner with once in a while. Have some companionship.”

Scott lets out a sigh again. His brother isn’t wrong, he knows. And he also knows there’s a limit on how long he can keep going on finding, well,  _ companionship _ on his own. 

“Come on though, Danny, who am I supposed to go out with?” he asks, genuinely wondering out loud. “And when, for that matter? It’s the middle of the summer and I’m still at the rink half the time. And other half of it I’m with the kids.”

“I think you underestimate the appeal of being an awesome, fit, single dad with a charming smile and a cool international job,” his brother tells him in no uncertain terms. “I’m just saying, keep an eye out. You never know if there’s someone out there to just try something with.”

“Ah, Dan, I don’t know,” he says with a sigh. He wishes he’d brought another bottle out for each of them. He starts peeling at the label on the empty one. His hands feel like they need something to do, something to hold or fidget with. “Maybe I’m not ready for that yet.”

“If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready,” Danny says, shrugging a little. “Nothing wrong with that. And if it’s not something you want, then that’s okay too.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but,’ coming,” Scott returns, his voice halfway to sulking. 

“ _ But _ ,” Danny continues, “if you might be ready for it, and it’s something you might want, then you need to admit that to yourself, too,” he says, a little more gently this time. 

Scott lets out a groan. “You and my therapist ought to partner up,” he says. “You’d make a good team.”

“Hey, it’s my job,” Danny tells him. “What kind of older brother would I be if I didn’t bust your chops about the important stuff? Just think about it, is all.” He stands up, clapping one hand on Scott’s shoulder. “And besides, I only give the really good advice just before the second beer,” he says. He nods towards the kitchen. “I’ll grab the next ones, okay?”

“Deal,” Scott says, offering a nod. “And I will think about it,” he adds. At least that much he can promise. 

 

*

At first, he admits to himself, he’s just trying to appease Danny, in taking dating seriously again. Once he starts paying attention, though, he’s surprised to discover that there actually are a few candidates he could ask out if he wanted to. What’s more, they’ve probably been in the wings for long enough that he might have considered them sooner if he’d thought to notice. 

There’s Michelle, one of the tennis instructors at the club, who’s also twice divorced; Madeline, one of Jordan’s husband’s single co-workers who he’s met a couple of times at some recent barbeques and get-togethers at her place; And then Amy, a single mother whose son goes to the same school as his, and the same day camp. 

It’s Amy he decides to strike up conversation with, when he sees her at the day camp pick up the following week. They chat for a few minutes, waiting for the busloads of kids to return from their day trip out at the conservation area, then the next day and the day after that as well. He learns a bit more about her - her son is nine years old and she is divorced, and they live just a few streets over from Scott.

He also finds himself remembering the strange terror of figuring out whether he wants to ask someone out, but by the third afternoon chat in a row he decides to just do it and see what happens. To his surprise, she says yes.

So that Saturday he arranges a sitter for the kids and takes Amy for dinner. It’s nice - comfortable, even. He realizes there’s a lot of easy common ground, doing this with someone else who’s a single parent, albeit for different reasons than him. She’d raised her son mostly on her own, her husband having left them not long after their son was born, and since then she’d continued to build her career in marketing and advertising. They end the evening with a promise to do it again, and Scott’s pleasantly surprised when he hears from her first, two days later, with an invitation to the movies. 

The third time he sees her she invites him back to her place afterwards. Knowing that his mother is at home with the kids that weekend, he finds himself saying yes before he has a chance to properly think about it. And when Amy invites him into her bed, he lets himself say yes to that, too. It’s good - fun, even. 

But afterwards, as comfortable as he is with her, and as lovely as she is to spend time with, his mind drifts back to his home, and his family. Amy seems to understand, when he tries to explain - she’s had the same feeling before, too, she explains. He can tell she’d like to let the evening continue longer, but she agrees it was a good one all the same. 

Scott sees her again the next week, and it’s nice, once again. And once again he returns home to the comfort of his own bed when the evening is over. He thinks about it in the back of his mind the next couple of days, wondering to himself where his hesitation is coming from. He takes it as a sign that he wasn’t truly ready to move on with a relationship just yet, and when he meets Amy next he tells her as much when he talks it out with her. 

She’s kind about it, and forgiving - possibly too much so, he thinks, but then she’s the one with more experience dating as a single parent. He wonders, too, whether he’s signing up for a longer cycle of more encounters like this - friendly but temporary. He’s not sure that’s what he wants. 

It’s a few days after that when it dawns on him that he actually wouldn’t mind having someone to wake up next to, again. But there aren't many people in his life he's felt that way with, ever, let alone since Christine. 

And the only other person on that list is Tessa. Tessa, who he’s loving working with again; Tessa, who’s spent the last year and a half finding her own footing as a single parent; Tessa, who maybe knows him better than anyone else living in the whole world.

That’s something he spends some time thinking about, too.    
  


*

The week after Labour Day weekend finds Tessa and Scott running nearly-final workshops with Anna and Ravi for Autumn Classic, alongside choreography support for the junior skaters. It’s a good pair of programs, and Tessa’s looking forward to knowing what kind of feedback they’ll get on them. It’s a big year for Anna and Ravi, as well as for Scott and his presence at the Cricket Club. She hopes so much that good things come at the end of it. 

Over mid-morning break they sit and chat for a bit longer than usual, sipping their third coffees of the day and sitting off to the side. Scott’s in a talkative mood, one that Tessa still recognizes at a distance - she can tell when the day starts how he’ll be that day, more chatty or more in his thoughts. She finds he does best just letting out his thoughts at his own pace.

He surprises her by telling her all about his recent attempts at re-entering the dating world. She’s a little stunned at first, and then laughs a little along with him when he tells her how strange and awkward it had felt at first.

“Yeah, I know that feeling,” she tells him.

“Yeah?” he asks, his eyebrows lifting. “That sounds like you’ve had some recent experience with this.”

Tessa coughs out another laugh. “Well certainly more than  _ you _ ,” she says, pointing out the obvious. She’s certainly spent more than her fair share of time in the dating trenches over the last decade, even with those years she spent just with Alex. It’s something she’d sometimes envied about Scott’s life, that he was so lucky to have found someone just when he needed them - and the right person, at that. 

She blinks, straightening herself and smiling back at Scott again. “But yeah, I did see someone for a little while back in the spring. Not long, just...enough to try it out again,” she admits. It was someone in London, a father at Lizzie’s daycare who she’d seen around at the same coffee shop a couple of times. It had lasted for a few enjoyable evenings before she’d realized he hadn’t been divorced long enough to take a new relationship seriously, and that had turned out to be just fine with her. And it had been fun for what it was. 

“Look at you,” Scott says, nudging her with his elbow. “Getting out there and playing the field.”

“Well, I don’t know about  _ that _ ,” she says. “I haven’t been rushing back to dating anyone else any time soon, at any rate. But it was nice,” she admits.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” he tells her. “It was Danny that tried to get me out there in the first place, I’m not sure I’ve completely forgiven him yet.”

“Oh?” she asks. “It can’t have been that bad,” Tessa reasons. “Nothing wrong with trying it out, trying some new conversation. Some new...relationships.” 

“No,” he answers. “No, it’s not all bad.” His voice gets quieter then, like he’s thinking quite deeply all of a sudden. 

Tessa sips her coffee again, letting him sit with his thoughts for as long as he needs to. A minute passes and she’s about to ask him more when he continues.

“It feels sometimes like dating is supposed to be some kind of upside,” he says, like he’s just come to this realization recently. “Like it’s the silver lining to being widowed,” he adds. 

She looks over at him, feeling so much for him all of a sudden. She listens, waiting for him to continue. 

“That’s the thing, though,” Scott says, more quietly now. “There just isn’t any upside to being a widower.” There’s some sadness in his voice as he says this, but oddly enough something like kindness as well, she thinks. He shakes his head. “The truth is I don’t need to go on dates, at least not right now. I just want my kids. What I need most is to see them happy and taken care of and to watch them grow up, and for them to know how loved they are.”

As she listens to him Tessa can’t help but feel emotional. She was always in his corner after Christine died and he had so much new terrain to navigate. And he’s done it all so well, as hard as it must have been - as hard as it must still be, sometimes. 

But now with Lizzie in her life, she feels she understands his world in a new, deeper way. She sees now how it had probably been the easiest choice in the world to give himself entirely to his kids. She also knows the sense of worry and fear she’s experienced, at the idea of bringing a new person into her world - someone who might or might not be there for long enough to become a stable part of her daughter’s life. Tessa knows if she’d been in his place she’d probably feel the same way. And effectively, she does, given how few dates of her own she’s been on since Lizzie arrived. 

Tessa’s been nodding as he’s been talking and now she sets down her coffee and leans closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. He follows and wraps his arm around her shoulders, holding her to him. Her heart settles again.

“I think that’s okay, Scott,” she tells him, her voice gentle. “There’s no rulebook for any of this, right?”

He shakes his head. “No, there isn’t.” He puts his other arm around her then and she follows suit, so they’re both wrapped in each others’ arms. 

It’s comforting and familiar, sitting with him like this. She lets him hold her, and lets herself hold him, and for a few moments they just stand with each other like that. “Just...just remember you’re still you, though Scott,” she adds quietly. “You’re an amazing dad, and your kids are the greatest. But you still get to live your life, too.”

She feels his chest rise and fall as he lets out a breath, and tightens his arms around her. “I know, kiddo. I will. I  _ am _ ,” he adds. 

It sounds a lot like a promise.

 

*

Being more involved at the club has meant Tessa’s able to spend a bit more time with the junior teams when she comes, and sit in on some of the choreography sessions with the singles and pairs skaters. She likes collaborating with Eric, too, and the other specialized coaching staff. More and more she finds herself envying Scott that he gets to work here every week - every day, if he wanted to, really. She’s enjoyed being able to drop in at the Ilderton rink since it’s closer to home for her, but she can’t fault the fact that the skating caliber at the Cricket Club is so much stronger. 

Tessa and Scott have worked with Anna and Ravi on developing their programs for the year, but expect the two of them to take the lead with the judges at the Autumn Classic, as they did the previous year, too. They’re practiced now at receiving feedback and working with it, and Tessa agrees with Scott’s observations from the last couple of years, that they’ve found new levels of confidence and steering their own direction. It’s exciting, working with them and mentoring them, and they’ve medalled on enough international podiums now that they’re able to size up their competition more quickly. 

The event goes well, from where Tessa sits. When they review the feedback together as a team they realize many of the notes focus on pacing and artistic expression, which gives them a good direction to focus on when they return to practice the following week. 

She’s also gotten to spend more time with Scott’s kids as well. It’s amazing to her how fast they’re growing up - the boys are turning eight and Renée will be six in a few months. They have whole new groups of friends in Toronto now, and new interests and hobbies. 

That Sunday morning she sits in Scott’s living room with Aidan as he eagerly tells her all about his new hip hop club he joined at the beginning of the year. He shows her some video clips of their first routine they’ve been working on and Tessa has him replay them, asking him excited questions about what they’ll be learning next. She can tell he’s very into it.

By the time Scott comes in with Renée a few moments later Tessa already has Aidan standing up, practicing a few other basic moves with her. Aidan watches her carefully and repeats what she does, a grin on his face to match his father’s as they finish a simple sequence. Nearby, Lizzie watches in interest, from her spot on the couch.

“Hey, I came to fetch my crew to help make the waffles. But nobody told me there was a dance party in here,” Scott says, sidling up next to Aidan. He shifts his hips back and forth and brings in some arm gestures to match, biting his lip a little bit in an exaggerated pose. Tessa laughs. So does Renée, giggling and bouncing next to Scott. 

“ _ Daaaaaad _ ,” Aidan groans, unable to handle it. “You’re  _ interrupting _ ,” he insists.

“ _ Me _ ?” Scott responds, feigning disbelief with one hand at his chest. “I would never do that. Besides, Tess gets to dance with you,” he adds. 

“But that’s different, Tess is  _ cool _ ,” Aidan explains, and Tessa laughs again, this time managing to cover her mouth at least a little bit.

“Oh?” Scott says, hands on his hips now. “Well, your old man used to be pretty cool back in the day, too, you know,” he says, stepping up in front of Tess. The music is still playing from the tablet Aidan was using before.

Tessa grins back at him. “I mean that  _ was _ almost a thousand years ago,” she says, “you can hardly blame them for being skeptical.”

He doesn’t grab her by the waist, at least not at first, but he does run his hand through his hair in the way he always did before starting a skate or a dance practice - the way he still does. She winks at him and starts moving her hips and feet in a pattern that matches the music, and he follows her lead, moving with her and falling into a practiced sequence. After a couple of minutes she’s got her hands on his shoulders, right before he spins her. She spins back towards his arms and he dips her over his leg, making her think about parts of their Prince routine from so many years ago. 

Her cheek brushes Scott’s as he lifts her back to an upright posture again and in that flicker of a moment Tessa’s transported back to their performance years, practicing long days and feeling the close heat of him next to her day in and day out, the hint of rough stubble along his jaw by the time they wrapped up. It makes her smile, feeling pink-cheeked and flushed as she stands again.

Their brief performance is met with applause from tiny hands. Lizzie has come over next to Renée, bouncing up and down with her, and Aidan looks like he has a whole different opinion of his father all of a sudden. 

“Aaaa, that’s what  _ I _ want to learn,” Aidan insists, pushing in between Scott and Tessa. He stands next to her again, as though ready to resume the lesson.

“Even from your un-cool Dad?” Scott nudges him jokingly. Tessa inwardly praises Aidan for not rolling his eyes.

She laughs again more gently, one hand on Aidan’s shoulder. “You’ll get there. One step at a time, though, it takes practice.”

“But I want to learn the spin thing, show me that one,” he says, eager. “The guys in class will freak.”

Scott runs his hand through his hair again. “You guys go for it for five more minutes, but then it’s waffles, okay? I have already left Max in charge of the kitchen for way too long,” he says. 

“Got it,” Tess says, touching her hand to her temple in a mock salute. 

“Show me, show me!” Aidan says again, and Tessa stands in front of him and starts breaking down the move as simply as she can. She watches as Scott leaves the room to look in on breakfast, but not before sending her another wink. She returns one back to him, along with a brimming smile.

 

*

In October Tessa accompanies Scott at the Junior Grand Prix event in Toronto - it’s a first time for the event coming to Ontario, and also the first time Tessa’s there with Scott at the boards for anything other than a seniors event. It’s a good event, and Scott’s team finishes just inside the top five, which is great for them.

It’s exciting enough that Tessa almost feels guilty for feeling more excited to see Kaitlyn again - she and Andrew are there with a junior team from Houston. Once the ice dancing final is over, Tessa emerges from the women’s locker rooms to find Kaitlyn backstage. 

“Kait!” she shouts, already rushing to join them and embrace her friend with enthusiasm. 

“Tess- _ a! _ ” Kaitlyn returns, hugging her back fiercely. “It’s so good to see you, it’s been  _ forever _ .”

“Too long,” she agrees. “Was it really Worlds in Salt Lake that time? Gosh that trip was such a whirlwind,” she says, remembering how she’d stepped in for Scott, in the aftermath of Christine’s death. She’d seen Kaitlyn and Andrew briefly and since then just hadn’t managed to be in the same place at the same time. And text messages and emails haven’t been the same. 

“You look good,” Kaitlyn says. “Things are good?” She glances between Tessa and Scott, who’s sidled up next to Tessa and has been grinning watching their reunion. 

“Things are good,” Tessa repeats in agreement. “Scott’s been filling you in?” She asks, looking over at him.

“Yeah, just starting to,” Scott says. “We thought we’d go for dinner, you in?” 

Tessa nods immediately. She’s decided to stay in town tonight, and head back to London tomorrow. “Are Andrew and Teddy both with you?” she asks Kaitlyn. Their son must be nearly five years old by now. Tessa’s seen photos of him but still never met him in person. 

Kaitlyn laughs. “Yeah, they’re around here somewhere. Andrew’s introducing him to some of the guys he knows. I think he’s finally getting Teddy warmed up to the idea of moving back here.”

“Really?” Tessa asks, delighted and excited. She clutches Kaitlyn’s hands. “Oh I knew you’d been thinking about it but...oh, that would be amazing, Kait.” 

They’re interrupted then by the appearance of the boy himself, who runs full speed ahead once he sees Kaitlyn. He wraps his arms around her legs with an excited “Mom!” 

“ _ Oof _ ,” Kaitlyn responds, putting one hand at his back. “I’m glad to see you too buddy,” she says. “You having a good time?”

“Yeah!” he says, excited. “Dad knows  _ everybody _ . When do we get to go skating again?”

“Probably the day after tomorrow, honey,” Kaitlyn says, glancing at Andrew as he follows behind their son. “We’ll be back at Grandma’s in Kitchener, remember?”

“Okay,” the boy answers. Even just looking at him now, Tessa would have known him anywhere as their son - he’s got Kaitlyn’s blond hair and blue eyes, and Andrew’s smile that’s incredibly charming even on a kindergartener. She will bet even money he’ll be a heartbreaker when he grows up. 

Later on at dinner Tessa gets to connect more with Kaitlyn, finding out so much more about her and Andrew’s plans, and what’s been happening in their lives in the last few years. 

It turns out Andrew’s plans to return to Ontario are more firm than Kaitlyn had let on earlier - they’re anticipating a move over the winter, as he’s already started to change over coaching responsibilities back at their club in Texas. And Kaitlyn herself is keen to start making and re-making connections in the Ontario sporting world.

“I can’t believe you got your psychology degree  _ and  _ your nutritionist’s quals,” Tessa tells her, amazed.

“Hey, all those courses and exams stack up once you keep taking them,” Kaitlyn says. “You know that as well as anyone, I figured.”

“I know,” Tessa says. “I suppose I’m still figuring out how to use mine, lately. Since Lizzie it’s been a whole different world.”

“What do you mean?” Kaitlyn returns, seeming genuinely surprised. “You’re still managing your clothing line, you’re co-leading fundraising strategy for B2ten, and as far as I can tell you’re helping the next generation of figure skating champions develop their long term career strategies.” 

Tessa blushes a little, in spite of herself. “Well, when you put it like that,” she says, laughing a little. 

Kaitlyn puts her hand on Tessa’s arm. “Come on, Tess,” she nudges. “I know you’ve got ideas, you always do, right? I know you’ve got lots on your plate, but there’s always the next thing, right?”

“I…” Tessa starts. She looks over at Scott and Andrew, who are deep in conversation of their own on the other side of the table. She wonders what plans they might be hatching. “I have been thinking,” she says. “I’ve been thinking…”

“What?” Kaitlyn asks, prodding her.

“Well...I’m really loving the coaching,” she admits. “It’s so much fun, Kait, getting to design programs with all these new skaters. And they’re all so  _ good _ , honestly. I mean, can you imagine when we were as young as some of these guys? Doing what they’re doing now?” Tessa shakes her head a little.

“Tell me about it,” Kaitlyn says. “Andrew comes home and tells me such stories sometimes, about the lifts, and the pressure to get the step sequences more complex.” She shakes her head, too. “I don’t know how they handle it.”

“I know,” Tessa continues. “That’s just it. I think...I think maybe some of them might not handle it all that well. It takes a toll, not just physically but mentally. And financially, too,” she adds, letting out a long breath. “It’s got to be so hard for new athletes now.”

Kaitlyn nods along, agreeing with her. “So what are you going to do about it?” she asks, an enthusiastic grin on her face. She reaches for her glass of wine, taking a sip as she waits for Tessa’s answer.

“Well…” she repeats. “I’m not exactly sure yet. But I think I want to do something more like the real work that B2ten does,” she says. “I want to help athletes figure out their plans, their  _ whole _ plans. Not just their contracts and their funding strategies, everything. Their physical therapy needs, their training plans...everything. They need people to talk to and sort all of that out,” she says plainly. “And I want to help them do that.”

Kaitlyn’s nodding more. “ _ Yes _ ,” she says simply. “Oh my God, so much ‘yes’. And we could work  _ together _ ,” she exclaims.

“We  _ could _ ,” Tessa agrees, clutching at one of Kaitlyn’s hands. “Yes, yes, I love it.”

They keep talking, making plans for the winter when they’ll be back in the area. Suddenly Tessa can see a whole new set of plans unfolding, not just for her but for so many new skaters - so many athletes, she thinks. There’s so much work to do, and so much possibility ahead.    
  


*

There’s a brief respite in their schedule between Autumn Classic and Skate Canada International, courtesy of Thanksgiving weekend. For the first year, Scott decides it’s high time he hosted a holiday at the new house - which, after a year and a half can hardly be considered ‘new’, anymore, he insists. So Tessa brings Lizzie to his place on Sunday, planning to head back to her mother’s for her dinner on Thanksgiving Monday. 

Tessa’s impressed by how well Scott manages the food and preparations, enlisting all of the kids for different jobs. Max turns out to be one of the main helpers in the kitchen, and she enjoys spending a bit of time with him and helping out, while Lizzie plays with Renee and Ringo. 

“Did you know I used to be terrible at cooking?” Tessa says, working on the potatoes at the counter next to Max. 

“Really?” he asks, looking up at her. He’d been very studiously using the peeler on the sweet potato in his hand, careful to get all of it. Tessa’s gotten through three potatoes in the same few minutes.

“Sure,” she laughs. “Your dad helped me learn a lot of stuff, back in the day. And then I got better at trying new things on my own.”

Max sighs, returning to his task. “Dad can cook  _ anything _ ,” he says admiringly. 

“He’s pretty good, you’re right. But a lot of is that he’s really good at just trying things out and seeing what happens,” she tells him. “And if it doesn’t work he tries it again.”

Max puts his now clean potato in the pile next to Tessa’s. “There was one time he made this chicken casserole,” he explains, “and he said it was really easy but then it burned in the oven.”

“Oh dear,” Tessa says, laughing again. She starts cutting up the clean potatoes and putting them in the pot for cooking. “That must have not been fun,” she says, imagining how that must have gone over. She can picture the chagrin on Scott’s face.

“Yeah,” Max smiles, like he’s in on a joke with her now. “But then he did it again the next night and said we had to watch the oven timer really  _ carefully _ ,” he emphasizes. “So we did that and it didn’t burn that time and it was good.”

“And I will definitely promise a non-burned turkey for us today,” Scott says, choosing that moment to join them in the kitchen, Sarah and Isabel following behind him.

“I would never doubt it!” Tessa says innocently. She puts down her knife and dusts off her hands, happy to greet Sarah.

“It’s so good to see you again,” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around her as Tessa does the same. “You’re looking so well. Is that your little one I saw out in the living room?” she asks as they part.

Tessa nods, beaming. “Yes, that’s my Lizzie. She’ll be two next month,” she says shaking her head. “I still can’t believe it.”

“The photos you sent aren’t nearly the same,” Sarah tells her. 

Tessa turns to the other woman who she guesses must be Isabel, a dark-haired woman who looks about Sarah’s age. “You must be Isabel,” she says, glancing from Sarah back to her. “It’s so good to meet you in person.” Tessa opens her arms tentatively and Isabel reaches in and hugs her warmly and fiercely. 

“You as well,” Isabel says with an eager smile. “Sarah has told me a little bit about you and so did Scott, when he visited in the summer. I already feel as though I know you.”

At that moment Tessa glances over towards Scott, who’s now busied himself and Max to find a vase to place the flowers Isabel brought. “Then I can’t wait to catch up,” she says brightly.

And they do. Isabel joins Max and Tessa in the kitchen and together they get the rest of the meal ready, as Scott winds his way back and forth between them, and Sarah and the kids who have settled in the living room. Tessa learns that Isabel grew up in Veracruz and moved to Mexico City to study medicine. She came to Canada fifteen years ago, first to Ottawa, but when her partner had passed away suddenly four years ago, she’d decided to move Montreal for a new start.

Tessa smiles, hearing her story. She’s glad Sarah has her, and thinks they must have a lot of shared experiences to compare. Eventually Aidan comes in and grabs Max to play the new video game Sarah’s brought them and they’ve already set up in the living room, and then it’s just Tessa and Isabel in the kitchen. They sit companionably at the counter, chatting more. 

“I knew Sarah for a year before she let me go out with her,” Isabel tells Tessa. “I could tell she liked me but was hesitant. But I am very patient, and very persistent,” she adds with a wink. Tessa laughs. She likes her immediately.

She also finds it refreshingly grounding to talk with someone who is not at all immersed in the figure skating world. Isabel tells her how Sarah showed her some of the videos of Scott’s team performing over the last couple of years, and Tessa can hear the second-hand pride in her voice as Isabel says it. She fills in more detail about their plans for the coming year, and Isabel listens and nods with interest. 

Tessa reaches for the cupboard with the wine glasses, then, as Isabel opens a bottle. 

“You and Scott make a good partnership,” Isabel says, taking a sip. “That much is quite obvious. How long have you been together?” she asks.

“Oh,” Tessa reacts, sputtering a little, halfway through her own sip of wine. “Oh, no,” she shakes her head. “We’re not...We’re good friends, and partners. We work together, and we…” her voice trails off.

Isabel’s expression shifts immediately, and she puts out a hand to Tessa’s arm. “Forgive me, please, just when I heard you speak about him I was...I made an assumption,” she explains, “I didn’t meant to make you uncomfortable.”

Tessa breathes out a laugh, not entirely sure how she feels, but ‘uncomfortable’ does feel something like it. The truth is it’s been so long since she’s had to give this explanation to someone that she wonders suddenly if she’s forgotten how to do it. 

“Whatever you are to each other, clearly it is a good relationship,” she says plainly, squeezing Tessa’s arm. “That is the most important thing.”

“You’re right,” Tessa says. “He’s very important to me. He always will be,” she says for emphasis, although she’s not quite sure why. She pauses, suddenly wondering to herself what exactly she and Scott  _ are _ to each other right now, and finds she’s having trouble coming up with a definition. Isabel’s looking at her with a patient, pensive expression, like she’s on the verge of saying something else. 

But she doesn’t get the chance, as Scott returns to the kitchen then with Max and Aidan behind him this time. “The table is all set,” he announces, “so now we just need the rest of the food, and you two lovely ladies,” he says with a charming grin. 

Isabel stands, smiling, and glances between him and Tessa. She starts helping the boys, but not before offering Tessa another wink. 

 

*

After dinner winds down Tessa hugs Sarah and Isabel goodbye warmly as they make their way back to their hotel. She hopes it won’t be too long before she sees them again. It’s been a nice day followed by a nice evening, and she’s glad she’d already planned to stay over at Scott’s that night. Right now she can’t imagine packing up herself and Lizzie into the car and driving off. 

Renée insists that Lizzie gets to sleep in her room too, now that she’s almost two and such a big girl. So Tessa reads bedtime stories to both of them together, and kisses them both goodnight, delighted that Lizzie’s so comfortable. When she returns downstairs she finds Scott with the boys in the living room, in the middle of a movie on television.

“Oh, I used to love this movie,” she says, recognizing ‘ _ The Princess Bride.’ _

Scott pats the empty spot next to him on the couch. “Saved you a seat, Virtch,” he says, relaxed and comfortable. She sits down next to him, feeling cozy and half-sleepy herself, after a good meal and good company. He puts his arm around her after a few moments and she leans next to him easily. 

It’s not long before the boys start nodding off before the movie’s over, having been allowed to stay up past their bedtime. Scott rallies them, assuring them he’ll record it for the next day, and brings them up to bed.

When he comes back down again Tessa’s still in her spot on the couch. She’s happy when he joins her again and puts his arm around her once more, and they continue watching the movie. 

“I always liked this part,” she says, as Inigo finally gets his duel towards the end of the film. 

“Me too,” Scott answers. He rubs his hand along her arm and shoulder. A few minutes pass as they watch the next few scenes. She can feel Scott’s chest rumble a little when he laughs, but she thinks he’s getting sleepy, too.

Tessa lets herself think back to her conversation with Isabel, and the easy assumption she’d made about her and Scott’s relationship. Once again she tries to come up with an answer that makes sense, and finds she can’t think of one. And she’s not sure if it’s the late hour combined with the good meal and the wine, or just the cozy feeling of being next to Scott like this, but for a moment she just lets herself wonder what it might be like if Isabel’s words were true.

“Scott, what are you thinking?” she asks after a moment, feeling warm and more than a little dozy next to him. His arm is wrapped around her shoulder in a way that’s both brand new and so, so familiar.

He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m thinking...that it’s nice to hold you like this. And I’d like to keep holding you.”

She moves her hand that’s been resting near his leg and slips it onto his knee. She can’t disagree with him, it does feel so nice sitting like this. 

Tessa doesn’t notice she’s been nodding off until she feels his free hand coming to rest on hers. She squeezes his knee gently and then flips her hand to clasp his. She blinks her eyes open, looking back at him. He’s looking at her with such affection but something else she can’t quite place. Like he’s thinking hard about something, making a decision.

“What is it?” she asks, her voice suddenly gravelly and sleep-tinted. She swallows against it.

“Would you come to bed with me?” he asks, so quietly he’s almost whispering. He must see the surprise on her face - whatever else she might have been expecting to hear from him it wasn’t that - because right away he keeps going. “Not...not like that,” he clarifies. “I’d just...I just think I’d like to be next to you, and fall asleep with you.”

It’s a lot, what he’s asking - or at least that’s how she thinks it must feel to him, watching how carefully he’s speaking. It’s something so small, but at the same time, it’s everything. Tessa starts nodding then before her voice forms the words to answer back. “Alright,” she says. “Yes, I’d like that too.”

“Okay,” he nods back. There’s relief in his voice, she can tell. And something like longing, she thinks, although she can’t tell exactly what for. 

“My things are downstairs,” she says next, after a moment. They’re both almost whispering now, here in this big quiet house where all their children are asleep upstairs. “Give me a just a minute, okay?”

“Sure,” he says. “I’ll head up.”

Tessa nods again, and they both move to stand at the same time. Her hand is still lingering near his and she gives it a squeeze. They part ways in the corridor, as he quietly makes his way upstairs and she moves towards the basement where the guest room is. 

She changes into her tank top and shorts and washes up, her thoughts starting to catch up with her now that she’s here by herself. As she finishes up Tessa pauses to look at herself in the mirror, working hard not to overthink what Scott’s asked her. She looks over herself, carefully examining what she sees, and what she wonders he sees. 

She wonders if he sees the fine lines that have deepened at the corners of her eyes. Or the way her body has softened a little, over still well-used muscles. Or the traces of grey that peek out beneath the dark brown hair colour that’s been her standby for so many years. She’s forty now, but in many ways still feels like the wide-eyed young woman she was at half that age. It’s when she sees the way the passing years have left their mark on her body that she’s reminded of all that’s happened in her life - and how much of that life has been shared with Scott.

Then in her mind’s eye Tessa pictures what she sees when she looks at him. She sees the streaks of silver in his hair that have appeared over the last several years, the smile lines that have always been there and still frame his face in a handsome, distinguished way. But mostly she thinks of how she feels when she’s with him, when he smiles that smile that’s just for her. The way she can tell when he’s being honest and vulnerable when he opens up to her - about his kids and everything he wants for them, or about his work and everything he still wants to accomplish. 

Tessa thinks about how she still sees the young man in him, all the time. How she still loves him, so much, and that he never stopped loving her and supporting her, no matter what was happening in their lives. 

So then she decides that if what Scott needs right now is a companion to lie next to, to hold and be steadied by, then she is more than able to be that person. She wants all of those things too, and more than that she knows she wants them from him. He asked her to give him her body in this way and she answered yes - and she’s not changing her mind. 

Tessa turns off the light and pads up the stairs through the house. It’s quiet, and as she passes by the kids’ rooms she pauses, unable to resist the urge to check. The door to Renée’s room is a little ajar, revealing the glow of the nightlight. She peeks her head in and sees them both asleep - Lizzie conked out on her mattress on the floor next to Renée’s bed. She smiles and retreats again just as quietly. 

When she reaches Scott’s room his light is still on, and he’s sitting on one side of the bed, the one closer to the door. She guesses that’s his normal side, the one that’s easiest for him to get out of bed quickly if he needs to check on the kids in the middle of the night. It’s the same for her at home. 

Fleetingly she lets herself picture the companion scene to this one happening in her own house, with him joining her in her bed, filling the space next to her that has been empty for so long. Then she immediately lets go of that picture, letting herself stay in this moment instead. 

She walks around to the other side. He stands then, as though suddenly nervous. “Is that side okay?” he asks quietly. “I usually sleep over here, but I didn’t know-”

“It’s fine, Scott,” she says, offering him a gentle smile. “You should sleep on your side,” she says.

He nods back wordlessly, waiting for her to get under the covers before doing the same, and reaching to turn off the light. 

She lies on her left side first, watching as he settles, facing her. She touches her hand to his, resting it on top of his hand so they’re clasped together between them. She takes in a breath and realizes all at once how long it’s been since she’s been close to him in this exact way. For a moment she starts trying to count back to how many years ago it was that they shared a bed together like this. But her brain resists it, as though that time could have been decades ago or just hours, somehow. 

Tessa lifts their grasp and presses her lips to his hand, softly, just long enough to breathe in and out again. She thinks she sees his eyes close and his body sink just a little more into repose. 

After a moment she brushes her thumb across his knuckles before letting go. She turns again, settling herself on her right side just like him - it’s how she often falls asleep. She takes a few slow breaths in and out, hoping he doesn’t mind her change of posture. 

Then, so gently, she feels the touch of his hand low on her back, eventually coming to rest on her side where her waist curves into her hip. 

“Is this okay?” he asks, whispering. 

Tessa nods into her pillow, eyes closed. “Yes,” she answers, just as softly.

Scott shifts a little closer, close enough that she can feel his breath on her bare shoulder.

She falls asleep easily, surrounded by the familiar scent of him, and his warmth. 

 

*

It’s still the grey hours of the morning when Scott wakes up, feeling more rested than he has in several nights. He blinks awake slowly, taking in the quiet of the house. The kids must all still asleep - he’s relieved that, mercifully, no one came to his room in the middle of the night. He doesn’t regret asking Tessa to join him last night, but he admits he doesn’t like the idea of trying to explain it to the kids just yet.

His thoughts come back to Tessa, then, as he takes stock of where he is. Sometime in the night they must have shifted - he’s on his left side, now, facing away from her. He can feel her arm resting against his back, comfortable and still. If he listens he can hear her gentle breathing. He hopes she’s slept as well as he has. 

Without turning he reaches his hand behind him to hold hers. He clasps her hand in his and brings it closer, resting it together with his against his side. Softly he lets out a breath, closes his eyes again and rests his head back down on the pillow. Having her here next to him feels right in a way he doesn’t want to question, and he’s not convinced he should even try to.

Then he feels her coming awake, too, her hand pressing against him where he’s holding it, close to his chest. She shifts, pressing herself just close enough to him to lay her head against his shoulder. 

It’s not enough for him, though, so he lets go of her hand and turns to face Tessa, holding out both arms to her. When she leans in and closes the small space between them something inside him settles, steadying him in such a specific way he hadn’t realized he’d been missing. She’s warm and relaxed in his arms, bringing back forgotten memories from long ago. 

A few silent moments pass before she lifts her head. “Hey,” she says simply, still whispering just like the night before. “Good morning.” 

“Hey back,” is all he can think of to say. “Did you sleep okay?” He dearly hopes the answer is yes, and sure enough she nods back at him. 

“Yeah. You?” She smiles when he nods, too. “I’m going to go check on the girls, okay?” she adds.

Right now he’d love nothing more than to just keep lying here with her, but he knows as well as she does that as soon as Lizzie wakes up she’ll be ready to find her mother, and will probably be looking for her in another room besides his. 

“Okay. I’ll go start coffee,” he says.

She nods again, looking back at him for a long moment. He wonders if he should say something, or if she’s thinking about something else to say to him. But before either of those things happen she leans forward slowly to kiss his cheek. Her lips are soft but insistent, pressing just against the curve of his cheekbone. 

Scott exhales, resting his hands on her waist as she leans back again and briefly frames her hands around his face. 

“Okay,” she says, before sitting up fully and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. 

He watches her step softly out of the room and down the hall, and then follows her a moment later. In a couple of hours Tessa and Lizzie will pack up and head back to their home, and he’s going to spend that time making sure they enjoy themselves. 

*


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in the two months between Thanksgiving and Christmas, professionally...and personally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, every time I think I've topped out at the longest chapter, and then the next chapter happens. Thank you for reading, as always. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter, because I did for sure! I am going to pour myself a large drink tonight.
> 
> Thank you again to my beta readers, whom I now owe several glasses of wine at this point. Every chapter I keep giving them more to read and they continue to be amazing and awesome. <3
> 
> I'm on Tumblr now too:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/carmen-sandiego-fic

  
*  


On Thanksgiving Monday, Tessa leaves Scott’s house feeling lighter, happier. She knows it’s in large part owing to the gathering of the previous day - getting to spend so much time with Scott’s family, and have good food and warm conversation. It’s made her feel like she’s leaving behind family, even though she knows she’s driving towards home. She’ll join her mother and siblings at the Virtues’ gathering for the afternoon and evening.

But she’s honest enough with herself to know that she truly owes her lightness of mood to her time with Scott. Waking up next to him isn’t something she’s done in a long, long time - it’s something she’d never thought she’d do again, ever. She put away those feelings and expectations years ago. And then last night, she was so comfortable next to him. It felt so normal, sitting with him so closely, half in his arms. In so many ways it wasn’t a far cry from how it would be if they were sitting next to each other at the rink, or at dinner with each other. Just...closer.

Sleeping next to him made her realize how easily they fit next to each other...fit _with_ each other again, even after all these years with all their ups and downs. She thinks Scott might feel the same, too. This morning he’d been all easy smiles and wanting to take care of her - making her coffee, and being so attentive with Lizzie.

She sits forward to glance quickly in the rearview mirror, making sure Lizzie’s still happy in her seat in the back. “We had a good time at Scott’s house, didn’t we sweetie?” she asks, smiling.

Lizzie nods and giggles. “ _Yeah_ ,” she says. “We eat pancakes,” she reports.

Tessa laughs. Scott had insisted the (sort-of) turkey-shaped pancakes were for everyone, but it didn’t escape her notice that he’d served Lizzie first. It makes her smile and chuckle to herself, thinking about it. “We did have those,” she says. “They were yummy pancakes, you’re right.”

Lizzie asks when they get to go back to see them again and Tessa tells her probably in a couple of weeks, although she knows Lizzie’s still figuring out what days and weeks really mean. “Soon, honey,” she says.

“ _And_ Renée,” Lizzie adds, still getting the hang of her ‘R’s just like her ‘S’s. She’s started saying Scott’s full name correctly now, too, which Tessa can tell he’s enjoying. She loves hearing her say it, too, even if it makes her a little wistful knowing that it means her daughter is growing up.

“You like playing with her, don’t you sweetie?” Tessa asks. “She’s really fun, right?”

“We sing songs,” Lizzie says, and promptly starts in on a babbling melody that Tessa doesn’t even recognize, except that it must be something Renée taught her. She laughs again, enjoying it. After a few minutes the singing trails off and Lizzie’s quiet again, holding onto her stuffed bear.

The drive continues and Tessa finds her thoughts drifting back to Scott, and their time together that weekend. Having breakfast with him and his kids, just like she’s done several times by now. But it was different this morning, having started the day next to him right from the first rays of dawn. They’d been easy with each other afterwards, no awkwardness or hesitation. That on its own makes her wonder, now, about whether it should have felt awkward. But, _no_ , is all she can think to herself. _We’ve done nothing to feel strange about._ If they had, they wouldn’t have done it in the first place.

It’s quiet for several minutes, then, and Tessa starts thinking Lizzie’s drifted off, but then she starts talking again.

“Mama?”

“Yes, sweetie?” Tessa says, glancing back in the rearview mirror again.

“Where Renée’s mama?” Lizzie asks.

Tessa’s breath catches for a moment. She’d figured that Lizzie would probably ask about that eventually. But it’s enough to catch her off-guard just then, jarring her out of her daydream-like thoughts. “Oh, well,” she starts, thinking about how to answer before quickly deciding simplicity is probably best. “Well, Renée and Max and Aidan had a mama, but she died.” She feels her eyes getting wet as she says it out loud.

“Died,” Lizzie repeats, a little more quietly. “Why?”

“She was in a bad accident and got hurt very badly,” Tessa says. “And she died.” She wishes she didn’t have to do this in the car. She wishes she was sitting next to Lizzie or holding her on her lap. She can’t tell for sure whether Lizzie’s taking this in and making sense of it or if it’s going to make her upset. Some days Tessa still can’t make sense of it, for that matter.

“Why?” Lizzie asks again.

Tessa exhales. “It just happened, sweetie,” she says, clearly but gently. “It was an accident. It was very, very bad luck,” she adds.

“She come back?”

“Oh, honey,” Tessa says. “She’s not coming back. When someone dies it means they don’t get to come back.” She swallows hard, blinking back tears.

Lizzie asks ‘why’ a couple more times and Tessa does her best to repeat her answers patiently and truthfully. She says that Scott and the kids were very sad about it for a long time but that they’re better now, they have a happy family together even though they still miss their mama very much.

“Happy family,” Lizzie repeats, and Tessa lets out a silent sigh of relief, thinking they might be changing to a different subject.

“Yes, they have a happy family. They have Scott, and Renée, and Max and Aidan. And they have their Auntie Sarah,” she reminds her, since Lizzie met her yesterday for the first time. “And they have their Grandma Alma and Grandpa Joe, remember? You know them,” Tessa says.

“Alma,” Lizzie emphasizes cheerfully.

 _Of course she remembers her,_ Tessa thinks. She always has hugs and treats when they visit. But it’s been a little while since they’ve been to visit the Moirs, and Tessa remembers that the downside of being part of Scott’s Thanksgiving in Toronto was missing the Moirs’ celebrations at home. She’ll have to make up for it soon if there’s time to fit in a visit before heading off to Skate Canada with Scott.

“And we have a happy family too, don’t we?” Tessa reminds her. “Who’s in our family?”

“Mama and Nana,” she says, almost all as one word.

“That’s right,” Tessa laughs. Together they name her aunt and uncles, too, and Lizzie’s little cousins. Eventually the chatter trails off so Tessa puts on some of Lizzie’s music. It’s not long before she falls asleep, and Tessa passes the last hour of the drive lost in her thoughts.

When they arrive at Kate’s house, Tessa’s mostly relieved that the drive from Toronto is over. She finds a spot to park and then just stays and sits for a few minutes in the warm car, happy to let her daughter finish her nap before joining the Virtue crowd.

By the time she gathers Lizzie and all of their things, Tessa’s feeling a little more like she’s collected herself, sorting through everything that’s on her mind right now. Her brothers’ families are there first to greet her and envelop Lizzie in hugs and chatter, which her daughter is eager to go along with. Satisfied that Lizzie is being well doted on, she heads into the kitchen, where her mother gives her a quick hug before handing her a glass of wine - a generously poured one, Tessa notes.

“Thanks, Mom.” She takes a sip, still half in her thoughts. She’s still thinking about Scott, and family - families, perhaps - and what it all means for her and him right now.

“Of course, darling,” Kate says. She looks a little longer at Tessa, one hand resting on her arm. “Is everything alright? You had a good visit at Scott’s?”

“Yes,” Tessa says, perhaps a little too quickly. “It...I’m just thinking about some things.”

“Okay,” Kate nods, looking like she wants to ask more.

The cooking timer goes off then, and only a few seconds pass before her sister rushes in to see to the oven. “If the vegetables are done then it’s just another few minutes for the potatoes,” Jordan says, pulling a tray out of the oven and re-setting the timer again once her hands are free. She spots her half-full glass of wine sitting on the kitchen island and takes it up, coming over to stand with her mother and sister.

“What’s going on?” Jordan asks, noticing the expressions on their faces. “Are you okay?” she asks Tessa, glancing at Kate briefly, too.

Tessa nods, feeling a little exasperated now. “Yes, I’m fine,” she says. “So is Scott,” she adds before Jordan can ask that too.

“Okay,” Jordan says, and it’s like a replay of their mother from a moment ago.

She takes another sip of wine. “We’ll talk more after dinner, okay?” Tessa says, appeasing them. “Mom, what else do you need help with?” The two women acquiesce, all busying themselves with the last remaining preparations. In a few minutes they start collecting things to bring out, as Casey and Poppy finish setting the table.

It’s a good meal, with lots of food and conversation. And a second turkey dinner for Lizzie to try out for real, what with last Christmas being such a haze of illness and temper tantrums. She liked the turkey and sweet potatoes yesterday at Scott’s, and remembers what to ask for more of this time. Watching her daughter enjoy the food and babbling along in her own way with others at the table does more to restore Tessa’s balance, as does hearing more from her siblings and their families. There’s the normal ebb and flow of conversation, some griping and complaining but lots of good chatter as well. Her not-so-little-anymore nieces are doing well in school these days, and seem so grown up now to Tessa’s eyes.

Afterwards a few of the men take over the washing up, and Megan finds a movie to put on in the living room where most of the rest of them settle, full and glad to relax for a bit. Tessa plays with Lizzie for a little while until she starts to fade and get cranky, eventually bringing her upstairs to Tessa’s old bedroom. She gets Lizzie changed and reads her a story, hoping she’ll be comfortable enough to fall asleep at her normal bedtime, which she does.

As Tessa heads back downstairs it’s clear to her it’s probably best to just stay the night here, rather than move her. It’s been a lot of back and forth this weekend, which Lizzie mercifully seems to be taking in stride. She knows the day will come when Lizzie stops adjusting so well, and only hopes that day will continue to be farther away. 

Tessa winds her way back towards the dining room, where Kate and Jordan are sitting next to each other at one end of the table, one of the half empty bottles of wine between them. She pulls out a chair next to her mother, as Jordan pushes a wine glass towards her and fills it halfway. _Definitely staying over,_ Tessa thinks to herself.

“Alright, spill,” Jordan says. “Whatever it is it can’t be that bad,” she adds.

Tessa takes a sip of wine. She tells them everything, then - how she and Lizzie both had a lovely visit at Scott’s, and with Sarah and her new partner. And how Isabel had assumed they were a couple and Tessa had frozen up, not sure anymore how to answer that question. And then, in the evening how they’d been so comfortable together.

They’re nodding along, keenly paying attention to everything Tessa says. Jordan’s looking at her with such a curious expression, equal parts excited and cautious. When Tessa gets to the part about Scott asking her to join him in bed, they both sit up a little straighter, leaning in closer than before. Jordan reaches over and lets one hand come to rest on the table between them, closer to Tess.

“What did you say?” her sister asks.

“I said okay,” she answers, fidgeting a little with the stem of the glass. “I slept with him. Slept _next_ to him,” she corrects.

Jordan and Kate both nod again at the same time, then exchange glances. It’s like they’re trying to figure out how to react - clearly excited but holding back until they can tell how she’s feeling about all of it.

“Well, that sounds very nice, darling,” Kate says, after a pause.

Tessa exhales a laugh. _She’s not wrong_ , she thinks. “It...it _was_ nice, mom,” she says. She feels somehow like that might be the understatement of the year.

Jordan leans in closer. “Was it...I mean, was it weird? Like, was anything awkward this morning or anything like that?” her sister asks.

Tessa shakes her head right away. “No, no, nothing like that. It really was nice,” she says again. If anything it was a lot like any other time they’d stayed over at Scott’s house, but with waking up next to each other instead of in separate rooms.

She takes in a breath and keeps going, telling her about Lizzie’s questions in the car on the drive here. About how she’d started to feel afterwards, such a strange combination of conflict and grief and hope all at once.

It’s when Jordan slips her hand over hers that Tessa realizes she’s been drifting off into her thoughts again, remembering everything from last night and that morning.

“I…” Tessa starts, swallowing against the tears that are threatening to gather all of a sudden. “I think I might want this,” she admits out loud, possibly for the first time even to herself. “Want...something with him,” she adds. She feels Jordan squeeze her hand, sees Kate’s mouth drop open a little bit. “It’s so strange, to be thinking it after all this time. After everything that’s happened.”

“Oh, Tess,” Jordan says. “That’s...but that’s so great, really. I mean, isn’t it?” she adds, sensing Tessa’s hesitation.

Tessa nods, quickly. “Yes. I think so. I...I hope so.” Her eyes feel wet all of a sudden. She just keeps thinking about Lizzie’s questions, and how it had brought her down to earth. Her mother is still quiet, listening, but Tessa feels her hand comes to rest at her shoulder, rubbing back and forth a little bit.

“It’s just, it’s not just me, now,” Tessa points out, knowing how obvious it sounds. “It’s not just him, either. It could never be just about the two of us anymore.”

“Of course it isn’t,” her mother says, so gently.

“And there...there’s no going back, is there?” It’s more of a statement than a question, she knows. “There never could be, now.” She looks up and sees Jordan and Kate looking back at her with such hopeful understanding in their faces, and something a little like sorrow.

Tessa closes her eyes, shaking her head. She brings her hands up to cover her face, feeling suddenly like she could burst into tears. She’s had such a bizarre cocktail of emotions rushing through her all day - all weekend, really, and she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep holding them in.

She feels her mother’s arm slip all the way around her shoulders, then, and she just leans into the embrace. Kate doesn’t say anything else just yet. Fleetingly Tessa wonders if all of this has been transparent to her all along, if she and her sister have just been waiting for Tessa to finally catch up. Somehow it’s this thought that pushes her over the edge and she lets the tears spill over as she shudders. She feels Jordan’s hand reach out to soothe her, passing gently along the back of her head, over and over. Eventually Tessa’s breathing evens out as the tears stop, but she still lets her head rest on Kate’s shoulder.

“It’s okay to be scared,” Jordan says, almost too quietly to hear. “And it’s okay to be careful,” she adds. She brushes Tessa’s hair way from her face, then lets her hand run along her shoulder and arm.

Tessa clutches at her hand again, squeezing tightly. She nods, half in acknowledgement of what Jordan’s saying and half in reassurance to herself that her sister’s words are in fact true. She closes her eyes again as tears fill them. “I wish I knew what I’m supposed to do next,” Tessa manages to say. “If I did anything that made me end up losing him, if I did anything that meant Lizzie wouldn’t have him in her life anymore, I’d…” her voice trails off, and she swallows, unable to finish that sentence.

“He loves you, Tess,” Jordan says next, insistent. “And we know you love him,” she adds. “And I think he might need you more than you think he does.”

Tessa breathes out a shuddering sigh, letting her sister’s words sink in. Fresh tears spring to her eyes again. She wants so much to believe them, and so she allows herself to do just that, imagining what that would feel like - to feel needed by Scott as much she needs him. She discovers it feels a lot like how it had been between them last night, when he invited her to his bed and she felt his hand at her waist as she fell asleep. Or like how it had been this morning, when he’d made them all breakfast as she’d cuddled her daughter in her arms, and sat with his children next to her.

Maybe Jordan’s right. Maybe it really has been plain as day to everyone except her.

“I do love him. And I need him too. So much,” she says. Her words hang in the air for a moment. She finds the start of a smile returning to her expression as she feels the truth of those words settle over her. It’s almost a relief to say them, admitting out loud what she - and probably her mother and sister too, from the looks of it - has known on her own for a while.

“So...maybe that’s what you do next, then,” Jordan says, smiling a little too. “Let him be what you need. And maybe that means waiting, or it could mean... something else.” She shrugs gently. “Just let yourself love him, Tess. Love all of them. It’s at least an honest place to start.”

It’s such simple advice, almost so stupidly simple she could kick herself. Tessa lets out a breath again, this time something like a laugh, closing her eyes as she feels her mother and sister embrace her together.

She allows herself to acknowledge the fear, to know it and understand it for the protection it’s offering her. But whatever this thing is that has shifted between her and Scott, she’s wants to keep herself open to it - open to being with _him_ . It makes something release in her, as a kind of hope and wonder she hasn’t felt in a long time start unfurling inside her.  


*

In many ways, Thanksgiving has always been the calm before the storm, the last holiday before the Grand Prix circuit swings into gear and Scott gives as much of his time as he possibly can to helping his skaters prepare for their competitions. It’s an Olympic season, and the last year of competition for his star skaters who have a real shot at the podium. If they skate well it could be a podium finish at the Olympics as well as Worlds - perhaps a Bronze and a Silver, depending on who else in the field plans to keep going after the games.

All of that is also still four and five months away, Scott has to keep reminding himself. He keeps reminding Anna and Ravi, too, making sure their prep team includes a mental prep coach just as he and Tessa had relied on in the run up to Korea. This last year he’s pushed the two of them to be vocal about their training needs and not to hold back on even the smallest things, if it’s something they think could be standing in their way.

Now in the run-up to Skate Canada, they’re so ready they’re practically vibrating with it. Scott feels that energy building in himself, too - he’s excited and hopeful for them, and so proud to have worked with them through the whole last decade. At the same time, Scott knows part of his excitement comes from working so closely with Tessa again. Last year was amazing, and this year they get to continue creating programs together. He looks forward to the days when she’s at the Cricket Club more than any others. And he’s gotten to have her stay over more often, too. He loves working with her, he loves getting to spend time with her at home, he just...he loves her, plain and simple.

The week after Thanksgiving Scott’s joined by Tessa as she makes the Toronto trip solo, ready for a few final meetings and team prep before flying out to Skate Canada. She spends time with the junior teams, especially Suzanne and Ken who have already finished their Junior Grand Prix assignments for the first time, and are preparing for Ontario Sectionals. But mostly Scott works with her and Anna and Ravi, on final run-throughs.

“What do you think?” He asks Tessa later when they’re back at his place. “They’re looking good, right? I think they’re going to be good.” He’s trying not to fidget.

They’ve finished dinner, as well as the washing up, while his kids have drifted off to watch a show in the living room. Ringo lingers with him and Tessa - mostly Tessa, if Scott’s being realistic - head on his paws as he lies on the floor between them, tail thumping happily every time Tessa reaches to scratch his ears. They’ve got mugs of tea and are comfortable next to each other, talking through the day and going over everything that needs to happen tomorrow before they fly out. He’s felt that familiar buzz of energy all day long, and now he’s just glad to be next to her at the end of it.

“Scott, of course they are. They’re going to crush it,” she tells him brightly. She told him that before they left the arena, too, but suddenly he feels the need for more reassurance. “Tomorrow we’ll focus on those last two lifts in the free, but honestly I think they’re fine,” she says.

Tomorrow they’ll have another team meeting together all four of them, before flying to Victoria and officially kicking off their Grand Prix season. Scott thinks they’re looking good. They’ve always been strong at communicating with each other, and at connecting with the audience, which is something he’s always admired about them - especially in those moments when they seemed to doubt themselves. They have also been blessedly injury free for the majority of their careers, and so far seem to be on track to finish with a good final season.

The rhythm dance this season is the foxtrot, which seems to suit them coming off the previous year’s waltz pattern. Tessa and Eric had worked closely with them on their musical selections, building a free program to an original composition of his, cut together with selections from a modern opera singer local to Toronto, and Scott thinks the result is going to be stunning.

“Is there something in particular you’re worried about?” Tessa asks him next, jolting him out of his thoughts. “About Ravi and Anna.” She’s let her hand come to rest on his wrist.

He lets out a breath, thinking the day over in his mind. “I’m not sure,” he admits. “I don’t think so. I just want them to have a good year, and a good start on their home turf.”

Tessa exhales a laugh. “Scott, they’re going to medal, you know they will,” she tells him. “And it’s going to be gold, unless I’m very much mistaken. And also I would hardly call Victoria their ‘home turf’, if we’re splitting hairs about it,” she adds wryly.

“I know, you’re right. I just..it’s a big year, you know?”

“Of _course_ I know that, Scott. Did you forget we did this together _three times_?”

Scott laughs then, too, absentmindedly turning his hand so that hers fits in his. “You’re right. I know how this goes. _We_ know how this goes.”

“I get it, though,” Tessa tells him, squeezing his hand. “These guys are yours,” she says, softly.

“Yeah,” he agrees, his voice gentle and nostalgic. “They’ve come so far, you know?” He remembers those first months he started working with them back in Montreal. They’ve done so much since then, learned and accomplished so much.

Scott knows his own coaching career exists in large part because of what he’s accomplished with this team. It’s thrilling and humbling to look back on. There’s a part of him that suspects he’s also so focussed on the Olympics because coming to the end of that event will mean such a big change for him, too. Once Anna and Ravi move on Scott will turn his attention to the junior teams, and look out for new seniors teams that might want to join him in Toronto. Anna and Ravi’s retirement will leave a large gap to fill. He also hopes it doesn’t mean Tessa’s time at the club will diminish. He wants so much to keep working with her.

When he looks over at Tessa he sees she’s smiling at him, looking back at him so understandingly. “Yeah, they have made it through a lot together,” she says. Her hand is warm and soft against his. He feels her thumb brush along the back of his knuckles and fingers. It’s comforting in just the right way.

Scott relaxes a little more. He leans forward, warmly squeezing her hand with his, enjoying how it feels to sit with her like this. He looks up at her again and her expression has shifted a little - still comfortable, a slight smile on her face, but more expectant somehow, like she’s waiting for him to do something. He takes in her face, her wide green eyes, the gentle spots of pink on her cheeks, and her lips. They’re sitting so close right now, if he just leaned in a little bit more, they could--

“Daddy!” Renée comes into the kitchen then, little footsteps making a beeline for him.

They sit up suddenly, hands springing apart like two teenagers caught in study hall. Ringo sits up too, suddenly on alert and looking to Renée.

“What is it, honey?” He puts out a hand to his daughter, who comes over and grabs his knee.

“The movie player won’t work,” she tells him dramatically. “Max says he knows how to plug it in but it doesn’t work and he doesn’t know _how_ ,” she emphasizes.

“They’ve recently discovered all the old Blu-Rays,” Scott explains to Tessa.

“Well, a classic is a classic, right?” Tessa says, looking knowingly at Renée, who nods with very grown-up understanding.

“We’ll get this sorted out then. Feel like diving into the movie vault with us?” Scott says to Tessa then. He takes Renée’s hand in his and stands up.

“Definitely,” she tells him, looking back at Renée, too. “I just need to do emails for a few minutes if that’s okay,” she says reluctantly. She glances at her bag that has her laptop and papers in it. “Give me fifteen?”

“Sure thing,” he says. “But any longer than that and you’re going to need to bring ice cream with you,” he tells her in complete seriousness.

Next to him Renée giggles. “ _Yeah_! Ice cream!”

“Got it,” Tessa says, in mock salute. She winks back at Renée, as she starts pulling out her laptop.

Scott holds his daughter’s hand and makes his way out towards the living room. Ringo looks like he might follow them but then turns back and looks at Tessa, and then walks over and joins her again, just like before. Almost in the corridor, when Scott looks back towards the kitchen he sees Tessa watching him go, her chin in one hand and the warmest smile on her face.  


*

A little while later the ice cream bowls are empty and the kids are starting to droop. Scott nudges them all to go get ready for bed, but Renée clings to Tessa, next to her on the couch.

“I want Tessa to read me a story,” she says, an insistent whimper in her tone.

Scott’s not surprised. At Thanksgiving - well, the last couple of visits, really - Tessa had all but taken over not just the stories but the entire bedtime routine with Renée, and Lizzie at the same time when she was here. He’d mostly hoped Tessa didn’t mind, but then, she never has when it comes to spending time with his kids. She goes easily with Renée while Scott corrals the twins.

After he’s gotten the boys settled in with lights out he steps out into the corridor, pausing and listening. He can hear Tessa’s soft reading voice, still coming from Renée’s room. He pauses and listens for a moment, then as her words start to drop off he looks in through the half-open door and sees Renée’s completely asleep, conked out against her pillow, half lying against Tessa. He watches as Tessa reaches to put away the book, but doesn’t move to leave right away. Gently she brushes the girl’s hair out of her face, as though partly making sure she’s asleep, partly soothing her. It’s something he’s seen her do with Lizzie before.

Scott steps back again, but lingers in the hallway. After a moment he hears her turn off the light and step out again, closing the door halfway. When she sees him she offers him a smile, coming to stand with him. He holds out a hand and she takes it.

“She adores you, you know,” he says, quietly, but affectionately. It’s true. He’s not sure why it feels so important to express this right now but, it does. He loves how much she loves his kids.

“You know I adore her too, Scott,” she answers, just as gently. “All three of them.” She shifts a little closer. “And you too, just in case I haven’t said that lately.”

He squeezes her hand, affirming his answer. “Trust me, the feeling is very much mutual.”

Her smile deepens a little, then relaxes. She glances towards Renée’s room again, then back to Scott, a soft, almost yearning expression on her face.

“You miss Lizzie, don’t you?” he asks.

Tessa nods quickly, then puts a hand to her face as though she’s embarrassed. “Is that ridiculous? I only left her this morning, and I know I’ll see her again in a few days and she’ll be with Mom and the sitter and she’ll be fine…”

“She will be. And Kate will message you everything, and Lizzie will be just as happy to see you after you’re back.”

Tessa nods again, and he reaches forward and pulls her into a hug. She lets him hold her, and he feels her relax a little in his arms. “You’re right, I know you’re right,” she says softly.

Scott keeps holding her for a moment, feeling her head rest against his shoulder and her chest rise and fall against his. He presses a kiss to the top of her head, then reaches up to frame her face in his hands. “Come to bed with me?” he asks. “Like before,” he adds gently.

He’s relieved when her smile returns again and she nods again. “I was hoping to,” she says. “I...it was nice, last weekend. I liked waking up with you,” she adds. He wonders if there might be something more in her tone of voice, something more intimate.

“I did too,” Scott says. He just leans in and presses his lips to her cheek, both soft and insistent. After they part again he lets one thumb brush along the curve of her face, just enjoying looking at her, like he did before in the kitchen. It would be so easy, in so many ways, to take this moment further. And Scott knows now that there’s a part of him that wants to - he could so easily lean in and press his mouth over hers, and just see what happens next.

But he holds back. He can’t tell yet exactly how far she wants to take this arrangement, and what it would look like for them to go farther, and when. And if he’s being honest with himself, there’s a strange conflict in him, feeling these things and thinking about these things, only a few steps away from where his children are sleeping. He knows he’s probably over-thinking a lot of things in this particular moment, but somehow it feels like something that deserves to be over-thought. Whatever they do now could change everything that happens next.

“I’ll get my things, okay?” Tessa says, snapping him out of his thoughts. Scott’s been staring at her face, practically memorizing the curve of her cheek and every freckle and line on her skin, as if he hasn’t done that already many times over.

A few minutes later they’re both in their pyjamas, ready for sleep. He waits for her, sitting on his side of the bed while she finishes in the bathroom. When she gets under the covers he does too, and turns out the light.

Scott doesn’t wait long before turning towards her, letting his hand come to rest at her waist just like the last time they did this. This time he doesn’t need to ask if it’s okay. He can tell that it is, from the way she exhales, so relaxed under his touch; from the way she leans back, half against the pillow and half against him as he nestles in next to her.

As he lies with her half-wrapped in his arms he just lets himself breathe in the scent of her, take in the feeling of her body pressed next to his. He falls asleep with nothing else - no one else - on his mind except her.  


*

Skate Canada International goes well, just as Tessa predicted. Anna and Ravi finish first, taking a solid lead after the rhythm dance that they hang onto by a narrow margin after the free dance, the Italian team close on their heels. It’s enough to give them a good boost, walking away with gold medals around their necks at the start of the season. It’s also enough to remind them to keep training and focussing, keep refining and improving where they can - they aren’t the only team with hopes set on the Olympic podium, and they will have to work at it.

It’s enough to make Tessa dig in that much more into her role, too, watching their movements on the ice, looking for ways she can keep guiding them. It impresses her, how open they are to feedback and how they seem to anticipate the notes well before she and Scott give them - they’re a good team. She knows Scott doesn’t like to take the credit for the way they’ve improved over the years, but she can tell he’s shaped so much of their training for so long.

As sweet and romantic as they are together - qualities that have more than helped their image in the press and among audiences - there’s a persistence and a stubbornness to their work ethic that is extremely familiar to her. It’s what she saw in Scott while they skated together - something she still admires in him now. Whether it’s something he’s imparted to his star team over the years or whether they simply grew into those qualities over time, she can tell he’s left their mark with them.

Mostly Tessa feels lucky she’s gotten to work with them. She’ll be continuing with future business plans of her own next year, that much is certain - but she can’t give up the coaching, either. Not if it means more time with great teams like this. And with Scott.

Tessa thinks, or perhaps hopes, that he feels the same way. As she’s turned everything over in her mind in the last couple of weeks, she’s also realized it’s simply not a matter of fitting together just like they were before - it’s different now; _they_ are different. Their hearts have been broken and bruised and mended back together again, one alongside the other. Already that feeling that she’s discovered in herself, about what she wants from her relationship with him, has settled in to her consciousness like a certain truth - she wants him, she needs him, she loves him.

When they’d arrived in Victoria they’d checked in under separate rooms with separate names, the bookings having been arranged long ago. They’d glanced briefly at the keys in the other’s hand, an unspoken question lingering between them. They’ve spent the barest handful of nights next to each other and yet already it feels strange to be sleeping apart. She’d wanted to just slide her key back over the desk or tell him to return his, to wave off the separate room and stay at his side. But she didn’t.

She can’t tell if that hesitation came from her own fears and worries - of what could happen if something went wrong between them - or from simply needing him to take the lead on whatever happens next. She knows they’re both in this, whatever _this_ is, but it’s different for him - for his family and everything they’ve been through together. So when he’d pocketed his key and carried on rolling their bags to the elevator she’d nodded along, mirroring the brisk smile he he’d offered her. She’d given him a kiss on the cheek goodnight when he’d left her at her room just down the hallway from his.

On their last night in Victoria, after the medal ceremony concludes and their celebration dinner wraps up early, Tessa lets herself lean next to Scott as they walk back to the hotel together. She lets her hand slip into his, and her head rest on his shoulder as they ride the elevator up to their floor. When they reach his door first she kisses him on the cheek and moves to keep going, but his hand still lingers around hers.

Tessa looks back at their joined hands, and then back at his face. He’s smiling softly, relaxed and happy. Then he gives her hand a squeeze, before bringing it to his lips and pressing a kiss along her knuckles. She smiles back, reminded suddenly of their younger selves, when Scott was always there with a steady hand for her to hold, and comforting gesture.

So while part of her heart sinks just a little when he lets go of her hand and bids her goodnight, her smile is that much broader ten minutes later when there’s a knock on her hotel room door. She opens it to find Scott, a hooded sweatshirt thrown over his pyjama pants, sockless feet slipped hastily into sneakers.

“Come to bed,” she says softly, and he takes her hand and does.

 

*

It’s easy, then, settling in next to him. Tessa can almost forget that this is something they used to do so, so long ago - so much in their lives has changed in the years that have followed that time. But sharing a bed with him again now serves to remind her how much her body still responds to him. When she rests her head on his chest, or when he spoons her and rests his chest against her back, she can feel their breathing synchronizing just like it always did before. Whenever she’s slept next to him sleep has come more easily to her, and the rest that follows has left her feeling refreshed and content.

On this night, though, Tessa finds her body answering Scott’s presence in a different way. She wakes up while it’s still dark, just a little before dawn, half-wrapped in his arms and half-pressed against him. She must have turned in her sleep to face him, although she remembers closing her eyes with his arms wrapped around her from behind. Now she feels her cheek resting on his chest, feeling the soft fabric of his tee and the heat of his body. He always did run a little warm, she thinks fleetingly.

The way she’s lying now, one leg partly thrown over his, it doesn’t take much for her to shift her weight so she’s pressed against his hip. She can feel heat already pooling between her legs, and desire coiling in her like a spring. She shifts again, angling herself better so she’s half-leaning over him, her knee sliding between his. When she lifts her head again it’s to put her lips against his skin, slowly leaving kisses along his jaw, and then his neck.

Some time during all of this Tessa registers Scott’s arm coming to hold her against her back, his hand fitting just above the curve of her hip. His fingers spread along her waist, finding the line of her ribs, then trailing back up close along the curve of her spine.

“Tess,” she hears him murmur, his voice more breath than words. “What…” Scott starts, turning his face towards hers. His eyes blink open as he comes awake. He looks back at her and she just holds his gaze for a moment, breathing in and out with him.  

Instead of answering in words Tessa simply surges forward, covering his mouth with hers. She brings her hands up, too, framing his face and then sliding into his hair. She keeps kissing him as he kisses her back just as intensely, wanting nothing more than to keep moving against him like this, tasting him and breathing him in. They pause briefly, just long enough for him to bring one hand to her face, angling his mouth to meet hers just as keenly.

All of a sudden she doesn’t want to think any more, doesn’t want to plan or wait or time things out until it’s exactly the right moment. She just wants more of feeling like this.  

“Tess...” Scott says again, before he’s left catching his breath as she kisses him more insistently, then her lips move back down the line of his cheek, and his neck. His hands continue to roam, moving down her back and circling her waist again. She feels one travel all the way around her waist and stomach, until his fingers slip underneath the fabric of her camisole. His other hand moves to cup her breast, gently at first but then firmly as she leans into the sensation. She inhales sharply, squirming to feel more of his touch against her, everywhere she can get it. Her hands stroke against his chest and shoulders.

“Please, Scott,” she answers him, her voice just above a whisper. “I want this,” she says. “I want _you_.”

What’s more, she can tell he wants this, too. Leaning against him, she presses her thigh closer between his legs and can already feel him getting hard. It’s enough to erase any shreds of doubt that might have crept in to the back of her mind. In the bright light of day she might remind herself to be patient, to let him move first, to figure out some way to plan this - everything she’s been telling herself the last couple of weeks. But they’re here together, now, in the half-awake darkness of their room, wanting each other, and Tessa doesn’t want to think anymore.

Her lips find his again. First it’s a crashing, insistent kiss like before. Then he’s kissing her back just as deeply, leaning up to meet her. She can feel him nipping a little with his teeth, then his tongue stroking along hers. Her hands move along Scott’s chest and neck before sliding back into his hair. It’s been getting longer again since the summer and now she’s that much more glad of it, as her fingers grasp and pull.

Tessa feels more than hears the growl that escapes the back of his throat then. She knows she should properly come up for air soon but just doesn’t want to stop kissing him, and it seems he feels the same way. Both of his hands slide against her skin now, one underneath her camisole and the other finding the bare expanse of her hip and stomach.

Scott breaks their kissing long enough to turn them. Tessa lets one hand drift under the collar of his t-shirt, feeling the sheen of sweat that’s broken out on the back of his neck. Her fingers splay out beneath the fabric, where she can feel the muscles of his shoulders. His lips have moved to her cheek now, finding the curving line of her jaw and travelling down her neck. Her other hand moves lower, grasping at the hem of his shirt and then sliding underneath.

She lets her head fall back on the pillow, reveling in the heat coming from the slow, open-mouthed kisses he’s trailing along her neck and shoulders. He lifts one hand to push down the strap of her camisole and lets his mouth linger at her collarbone, then the sensation of his tongue licking the small valley there where it meets her shoulder. She shivers, her body arching up against him swiftly. She hooks one leg around his, rubbing and pressing herself against his hip.

“ _Scott_ ,” she lets out, and God help her she’s practically whimpering now. All of a sudden nothing is moving fast enough. She runs her hand along his stomach, delighted by the lines of muscle she feels there, too. Her fingers travel lower still, slipping below the waistband of his shorts.

“ _Tess_ ,” he groans. His head lifts with a jerk. He’s panting now, his breath warm when it meets her skin.

He reaches down, stopping the path of her hand with his. He clasps it in hers and rests it tightly against his chest. She can feel his heart beating so fast. When she stops to look up at him she can just make out his face in the dim pre-dawn light. His eyes are intensely dark. Everything in him is focussed on her. He’s looking at her with an expression unlike anything she’s seen from him - there’s desire there, obviously so. But there’s also care, and concern, and so much affection. She blinks, as all of those feelings rush to the surface in her, too.

Tessa lifts her hand from underneath his, bringing it up once more to his face, then brushing the hair off of his forehead. She runs her fingers along his cheek, cupping his face with her palm, stroking softly with her thumb. She can feel him relax, as he sinks against her touch.

When he opens his eyes his gaze is soft, mirroring hers. But the desire is still there, as is the unspoken question she realizes he’s been trying to ask. She nods quickly in answer, her words failing her. _Yes_ , is all she can think. _Yes, this is okay. It’s more than okay._

He touches her cheek too, so, so gently. There’s a hint of a smile on his face now, reassuring and adoring. Even that is enough to make her whole body light up again. She lifts her lips to his once more, softly at first. It’s him that deepens the kiss this time, his mouth exploring hers eagerly.

Scott runs both hands down her body, firmly along her shoulders and back, then her hips. When they meet her underwear there’s a pause. Tessa nods again, slipping her hands back underneath his shirt and meeting his gaze again just long enough. He lets her go first, breaking contact with her long enough for her to grasp the shirt and pull it up and over his head. Then his hands are sliding back along her hips, pulling her underwear down and off.

And then he’s kissing her again, and it’s amazing. Her hands come to rest on his shoulders, pressing and grasping. Finally she can feel more of him, touch him just how she wants. She can feel one of his hands travelling up the inside of her leg, kneading at the soft skin there. Without hesitation she widens her legs further. When his hand reaches the apex between her legs she can feel his gasp against her mouth, then another sharp intake of breath as he slips two fingers between her wet folds.

“ _Shit_ , Tess,” he gets out.

She moans in pleasure, opening her legs further. She’s so slick already, and practically panting now. He works his fingers a little more, kissing her again as he does so, then brings the pad of his thumb against the hardened nub there.

It’s good, it’s _so_ good, but she doesn’t want to wait to have him. It’s her turn then to break their kiss, gasping and briefly shaking her head.

“Is it...Is this…” he starts and stops.

Tessa starts to shake her head again and then just reaches down, pressing her hand between his legs. She can feel him straining against his shorts, the length of him hard and ready. He chokes out a gasp, bringing his hand down to hers.

“Want you,” she manages to say. “Just you.”

“Shit, Tess,” he repeats, breathing hard now like he’s struggling. “Are you...I mean, do we need…” He bucks into her hand like it’s an involuntary reaction, and his voice trails off. “I’m clean,” he gets out, his breath ragged.

“Same,” she manages, too. “I’m covered.” Her IUD is still very good to go, and so is she right now.

His head drops to her shoulder, half kissing her there and half moaning in acknowledgement.

She pushes his shorts down with both hands, as he lifts up briefly to help her before he kicks them off completely. She uses the moment to make quick work of removing her camisole, and then it’s just them together in each other’s arms. He runs one hand along the bare skin of her abdomen before palming her breast, and she shivers again, angling herself just how she wants beneath him.

Tessa reaches between them, stroking him once, then twice, moving to position him against her. He doesn’t need the help, though, and it feels like barely a second later when he finally thrusts into her. She gasps, then, and he stills. He brings his lips to hers again, kissing her just firmly enough. His hand moves around her, cupping her shoulder. When she starts moving her hips he breaks the kiss but not his touch, and for a few moments they’re just breathing the same air.

“ _Yes_ , Scott,” she exhales. He feels so good moving inside her, sliding out and then plunging in again, over and over. Part of her wants to slow it down, to enjoy him as much as possible while he’s here now in her arms. She never wants this to stop. But it’s the other part of her that’s taking over now, the part of her that wants to lose all control just for this moment.

“God, _Tessa_ ,” he answers on a sigh, a little more loudly, and then his thrusts get faster. She lifts her hips, meeting him every time.

His head drops to her shoulder again, one hand bracing next to her and the other drifting down again, squeezing her bottom. She can feel the coil tightening, can feel heat building low in her belly, as she gets closer and closer with each thrust. “I...I…” is all she can manage then.

But Scott reaches down to where they’re joined, moving his thumb against her just where she needs to be touched. He covers her mouth with his once more as her orgasm crashes over her, harder than she realized it had been coming, hard enough it’s like light exploding inside her, bright white behind her eyes. She breaks the kiss, gasping for air, and then realizes he’s following her just as quickly to his release, shuddering haltingly and moaning her name against her shoulder.

Tessa brings her arms around him, then, clasping him gently, resting one hand against his neck as their breath begins to still. Her head leans against his. A few moments later he comes back to himself, pulling out from her. For a second it’s like he’s deciding how far to move away from her, but then reconsiders and just stays with her, one arm wrapped around her.

After a minute she steps away to get cleaned up. He lets her go reluctantly, a sigh escaping him as she lifts his arm and steps out of bed. When she returns he reaches for her easily, his head coming to rest on her shoulder. He wraps his arm around her waist again, his leg draping over one of hers.

She reaches for the bed covers, now long scattered to the side, and then pulls them over their cooling bodies. When she presses a kiss to his temple she feels him sigh contentedly, his breath warm against her chest. She brings her hands up to frame his face, kissing him again so gently. She rests her head back against the pillow, running one hand slowly through his hair, then again, and again. It’s not long before sleep takes him, and then she follows, too.

 

*

When Scott wakes up a little while later he registers the daylight peeking through the curtains. Blinking, he lifts his head and glances at the clock, momentarily panicked he might have overslept. But he reads the time and realizes it’s still early enough and so he puts his head back down with a sigh of relief.

It’s then that he feels the soft, warm body next to him, and he remembers. He lifts his head again, propping himself up with one arm - the arm that’s not halfway wrapped around Tessa. Around Tessa’s bare waist. A smile comes over him as he just looks at her, facing him, resting on one side with her eyes closed in sleep. He lets his hand linger where it is, feeling the smooth angle of her waist and hip.

When he’d come to her room last night he’d done so with no expectations, truly he hadn’t. All he knew was when he’d gotten ready to go to bed in his own hotel room just down the hall, he didn’t want to do it. He’d gotten as far as changing and washing up, and then stood staring at the enormous empty bed in the expansive, quiet room, and it had just felt wrong. He missed Tessa and wanted her with him, and that was what he cared about the most when he’d knocked on her door.

But that doesn’t mean he’s disappointed with how things unfolded. Far from it, it had been more than he’d imagined would happen between them, at least just yet.

Scott lifts his hand, brushing hair away from her face. Her face is so peaceful like this. It’s been a long, long time since he’s seen her precisely like this, this close and intimate. He realizes now how much he just loves looking at her, how beautiful she is still. He thinks suddenly there’s nothing that could ever make him think she wasn’t beautiful, no way he couldn’t love being this close to her.

Thinking about it just makes him want to reach out and touch her again and so he does, gently brushing the back of his fingers along her soft cheek. He leans back against his pillow, not wanting to wake her up yet. He lets his hand come to rest against hers, just enjoying lying here with her. After a moment he closes his eyes again, just for a minute.

“Hey,” Tessa says gently. It’s only when he hears her voice that he realizes he must have dozed off.

Scott opens his eyes to the feeling of her hand against his cheek, and can’t help the grin that breaks out on his face. “Hey back,” he answers. “Good morning.” He reaches for her again, touching her arm and shoulder, and her body.

She leans in and kisses his lips, and for a split second he’s disappointed he didn’t get to be the one that did that first. When she lies back down again she’s still looking at him and her eyes are so clear, so green. And there’s a smile on her face.

“You’re good?” He asks. “I mean...last night, everything...it was good?” He doesn’t know why he can’t figure out words all of a sudden. He also doesn’t regret anything they’ve done, and he hopes she feels the same.

But she’s nodding back before he can ask again. “Yes,” she answers. “It was very good.” Her voice is a little rough from sleep but it’s no less decisive. “You?”

He nods just as quickly. “Yes. Very good.”

Tessa laughs a little. “I’m glad.” Then her expression shifts a little, her mouth worrying at something. “I know...Scott I swear I didn’t know that was going to happen until it did, I just…” she sighs a little, affection in her gaze now. She runs her fingers along the side of his face again. “I guess I just realized I didn’t want to wait to be with you like that. And I hoped you didn’t either.”

He takes her hand in his, planting kisses across her knuckles. “I don’t think I had an exact plan,” he says. “But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that would happen at some point,” he admits. He turns her hand and continues kissing her, his mouth travelling across her open palm, and down the inside of her wrist. He can feel her pulse underneath his mouth. When he looks back at her face she’s smiling again.

For a long moment they just look at each other. “We have to leave for the airport in an hour,” she says, purposefully.

He nods. “We’ve got a lot to do in that time,” he offers. Mentally he calculates how much time he needs to get back to his room and pack up and dress, and decides it’s not nearly as much time as he might have thought.

“I agree,” she answers. And then she shifts closer, pressing the length of her body against his. “So we’d better not waste it.”

This time it’s him that gets to lean in and kiss her first. And much, much more after that.

They make it to the airport with just enough time to spare.

 

*

They land at Pearson, and she lingers with him briefly before she has to let him go. He’s headed back to his place from here while she’ll wait a little longer for her connecting flight home to London. They’d spent their flight to Toronto sitting snugly next to each other, one of them reaching over every so often to clasp hands with the other.  When they exit at the gate Scott wraps her hand in his and leads them off to the side away from the crowds, and kisses her sweetly. She feels strangely conspicuous all of a sudden, but the reality is no one around them is paying attention to them, and the other travellers just pass them by.

“I know I’ll see you soon,” he says. “But I’ll still miss you until then.”

“Me too,” she answers, nodding.

“I would have missed you anyway,” he adds, his voice low, almost bashful. “Even if we hadn’t...Well, I would still have missed you.”

The truth is she always misses him when she’s not with him. “Me too,” she says, feeling her cheeks turn pink. She doesn’t know why they’re standing here like two lovestruck teenagers, parting after a tryst.

When she thinks about it, it occurs to her she’s not precisely sure yet when they’ll have a chance to be together like that again, knowing she’ll need time at home to catch up on her other commitments before they head off to NHK in November. And there’s Lizzie, and her birthday fast approaching. She swallows, hit with a sudden pang of guilt as she comes fully back down to earth. There are other people that need her and here she is thinking only about herself. And Scott.

“Hey,” he says, dropping his carry-on and bringing his free hand to cup her cheek. “It’s okay, T,” he tells her, as though reading her mind just like always. “We’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.”

Tessa nods, feeling some relief at his words. “I know we will. I promise, too.” She squeezes his hand once more for good measure before letting it go. “Go. The kids are waiting for you,” she reminds him, smiling at the thought of them greeting him. She does some mental calculations about the time and guesses they’re probably waiting up to see him before going to bed, with Alma watching over them. It makes her envious, knowing that Lizzie will be long asleep by the time she gets home.

“Yeah,” he says. “I’ll tell them hi and hug them for you,” he reassures her, and she’s warmed by that thought. “Hug Lizzie for me, too, okay?”

“Of course I will,” she says, as though he hadn’t even needed to ask. She looks back at him and pauses, taking in his kind face, the way she can tell he’s thinking about her and wants to take care of her even if he’s about to be apart from her again for a little while. “I love you,” she says, because it’s the only thought in her mind just then.

“I love you too,” Scott answers easily. He kisses her once more, a firm, lingering kiss that she’ll feel for several minutes after he leaves. Then they both pick up their bags, and he steps away.

 

*

The first days after returning from Skate Canada feel to Tessa like she’s riding the crest of a wave. The trip had started out on a high note from the beginning, just from working with Anna and Ravi, and the feeling of being so comfortable next to Scott, and celebrating together as a team. And then, ending the trip in Scott’s arms - twice, at that - left her feeling exhilarated, and so cared for.

In the weeks that follow, though, she finds herself drawn quickly back into the rhythm of real life, balancing daycare pickup and babysitter schedules alongside conference calls and spreadsheets. It’s the same complement of work that’s filled her life for the last year, albeit with a little bit of planning with Kaitlyn added to the mix.

And now she feels the distance from Scott even more. Back at her home in London she finds herself absentmindedly expecting to find him there, as though she could just step into the next room to ask him a question. Or that she might be getting ready to turn in for the night and find him already in bed, with arms waiting only for her.

And it’s not just Scott she catches herself thinking about, but the kids, too - coming up with ideas for music to share with Aidan, or wondering how Max’s hockey practices are going. She thinks about Renée growing up in a house full of boys and it makes her remember moments from her own childhood with her older brothers. There’s so much she thinks about now when it comes to Scott and his family, so much she wants to share with them.

It’s Lizzie’s birthday that brings a bright spark in the otherwise chaotic and chilly month of November. Tessa hosts a small gathering with a few family members and two of Lizzie’s little friends and their moms from her daycare. The afternoon is made all the better by the fact that Scott and the kids are visiting the Moir house that same weekend, making up for having missed the London crowd for Thanksgiving, and so they drop in too with Alma. Despite Tessa’s insistence that they didn’t need to bring any gifts, they come with a couple of wrapped boxes in hand. She levels a quirked eyebrow at Scott about it.

“Hey, it wasn’t me,” he says, hands up in defense. “The kids said we couldn’t come to a birthday party without any presents.” He shrugs. “I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”

“Well, I can’t argue with that, I guess,” she says, laughing. The kids have barely gotten in the door with their coats off when they run off inside, and Alma follows them quickly after giving Tessa a quick kiss on her cheek. Tessa waits a beat until they’re alone and the others are out of sight before turning to Scott and pressing her mouth over his. It’s a deep kiss, followed by another quicker one. Then she just hugs him tightly. “I’ve missed you. All of you guys,” she adds, because it’s true. “But especially you,” she says, more quietly even though Alma and the others are well out of earshot now.

“I miss you too, T,” he says, his voice half muffled by her shoulder. “And video’s good in a pinch but it’s not the same.” She’d joined him and Anna and Ravi over video chat a couple of times, and sent notes back and forth on some clips of their latest training sessions.

She pulls away from him, his words bringing her mind back to Anna and Ravi. “How’s the step sequence coming? No new changes?” On their last call they’d been keen to change up one of the transitions but Tessa had cautioned against it, arguing that they’d gotten their levels at Skate Canada with no trouble and it would be better to bring more flair to some of the lifts in their free dance if they wanted to find something to tweak.

He shakes his head, a brief laugh escaping him. “No, they’re going to stick with everything just as it was for SCI,” he tells her. “They took your advice to heart, I think.”

“Oh good,” she says, relieved. “They deserve to have a clean Grand Prix, they’ve earned it by now.” She puts her hand around his waist and leads him back towards the rest of the activity in the rear of the house.

He squeezes her shoulder and presses a kiss to the side of her head. “I think so too. They’re nervous about the Olympics at the end of it all,” he reasons. “Looking for solutions where there aren’t actually any problems.”

Tessa nods, agreeing. “They’ll be fine,” she says. She’s said it before, many times. She’s always believed it too, only lately she thinks she’s started saying it to reassure herself as much as anyone else.

Wordlessly they release each other just before they step into the living room. Tessa sees Kate and Alma are already catching up with each other, all the while keeping one eye out for their grandchildren and the other little guys under foot. Tessa doesn’t need to get Scott’s kids situated like she used to years ago, they’ve been here enough times now that they know the rooms and where everything is. And they know some of Lizzie’s older cousins, too, and fall in easily with games and helping themselves to treats like the others.

Tessa’s mostly glad to carry off the party with a bare minimum of catastrophes, although there are still a few dust-ups and tears amongst the younger crowd. Lizzie enjoys bouncing around to play with the others, routinely returning to Tessa’s side every so often to report on everything, or get hugs. When Scott and his crew arrived, she’d run to Renée excitedly.

When Tessa brings out cupcakes a little while later she has to interrupt their game - Scott and Aidan both playing monsters and chasing after Renée and Lizzie, and Lizzie’s other little friends. Tessa laughs, delighted. She glances over to find Kate catching her eye next, a gentle smile on her face. Next to her Alma seems to be wearing a matching expression and Tessa looks away quickly, wondering all of a sudden just how much her mother has shared with Scott’s, or how much else they might have guessed about their relationship.

She swallows down those thoughts as she gathers Lizzie in her arms and sits with her on her lap. The whole crowd sings happy birthday and Lizzie smiles shyly, enjoying the attention in a way she hadn’t been able to fully absorb on her first birthday a year ago. Tessa had kept that celebration quite simple, not wanting to overwhelm her at the time.

Now they blow out the candle on one cupcake together, and then Lizzie beams an excited smile at Tessa, bouncing and throwing her arms around her at the same time as everyone claps. “Happy birthday my darling girl,” Tessa says. She’s so glad her daughter has so many people in her life to celebrate with, already at two years old.

“Happy birthday, mama,” Lizzie answers, and Tessa laughs.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Tessa says, kissing her cheek and blinking at happy tears.

The chocolate cupcakes are well-received with the crowd - especially the younger set - but Lizzie only finishes a few bites before preferring to be distracted by opening gifts, as more than a few people had ignored Tessa’s note that they weren’t required. Tessa thinks Lizzie enjoys the unwrapping part the most, glancing only briefly at the gifts inside before wanting to open the next one. She worries about it for a moment until she realizes the other adults in the room seem to understand. It’s a flickering reminder of how much accumulated parental wisdom she’s surrounded by in her life, and how much she still has to learn.

When she gets to the gifts from Scott’s children Renée inches closer, excited, and Tessa smiles, looking on as Lizzie unwraps a stuffed moose, with floppy stuffed antlers and everything. Lizzie holds it up and grins happily, before hugging it to herself.

“We thought Mr. Bear might like another forest pal,” Scott says gently, and it’s only then that Tessa realizes Scott’s been sitting so close this entire time, just behind her. She reaches out a hand to him and squeezes his knee, her smile matching his.

“I can tell she really loves it, thank you,” she says, tilting her head in emphasis. He squeezes her hand back.

“I took a lot of expert advice into consideration,” Scott says with a wink, and nods towards Renée, who is delightedly playing with Lizzie and her new toys.

Once the gifts are opened, and cake and pizza have been consumed by all of the guests both big and small, the crowd starts to thin out. Tessa makes sure to say goodbye to everyone, letting Lizzie play and babble as she pleases with the ones that remain. It’s Scott’s family who lingers the longest - Max and Aidan having long hidden themselves away with the the video game setup in the basement, and Lizzie and Renée looking at picture books together. Alma and Kate seem to have retreated to the kitchen, and Tessa’s quite sure she heard the sound of a wine bottle being opened not long ago.

Tessa sits with Scott for a while, enjoying the chance to just talk with him, and not just about work. Scott fills her in more on the boys’ latest exploits at school, and their hobbies. Both are still keeping up with hockey practice, although Aidan still likes the dance club too. Scott thinks he might have to make a choice between the two eventually, if he’s going to advance in one or the other, but he’s not in a rush to push that just yet. He’s mostly glad to help them find the sports and activities they enjoy. As they sit together she finds herself reaching for him. He clasps her hand back, holding it between them. She likes watching her daughter and his daughter play together. And she likes hearing him talk about his kids.

Listening to him Tessa can’t help but smile a little wistfully. “And still not one of them a figure skater, huh?” she asks.

“Doesn’t look like it,” he says, laughing a little as he exhales. “I swear I’ve tried, T,” he tells her. “After we moved I set them all up with their own skates and brought them to the weekly group skates at the club. And they still do come sometimes,” he adds, thinking.

“After the last Olympics I thought for a little while there that one of the boys might be keen,” Tessa thinks out loud, remembering when they’d all been there in Calgary.

“Yeah, Chris and I thought so too for a bit,” Scott says, his voice a little soft, like he’s re-playing those memories in his mind. He shrugs then. “I think hockey was just the bug that bit them a little harder,” he adds with a hint of a smile. “And that’s cool. And Aidan has dance now, too. And Renée...I don’t know yet. I think she’s my little introvert, in a lot of ways. She’s always liked books, and colouring, and hatching her own little plans.”

“Ah, I knew I liked her for a reason,” Tessa says with a fond sigh of recognition.

Scott laughs more loudly then, and squeezes her hand as though agreeing with her. “Definitely, T. I think she could use some good introvert role models.”

“I will happily share all my wisdom,” Tessa agrees, nudging him back. She leans her head against his shoulder, wrapping her other arm around his.

It’s not long before the afternoon light has turned dark, and Tessa can tell Lizzie is starting to get tired and peopled-out. Tessa gathers Lizzie in her arms as Scott starts to round up his crew. Alma gives Tessa and Lizzie warm hugs and kisses, promising to have them over the following week. Tessa hugs the boys goodbye one at a time, and both she and Kate encourage Lizzie to wave goodbye too. Lizzie does so, waving to Max and Aidan and then for Renée, and for Scott, who bends to hug and kiss Lizzie goodbye just as Alma had done.

Scott and Tessa pause ever so slightly when it comes to her turn finally, before they simply lean in and kiss each other on the cheek. She blushes a little, waving them all off.

They’re gone for barely a minute when Lizzie’s face starts to crumple, almost in confusion. “They come back?” she asks on a whimper, waving towards the door even as Tessa starts to carry her back to the living room.

“Oh, no, sweetie, it’s time for them to go back to their house,” Tessa explains. “We’ll see them again soon, okay?”

“See them _now_ ,” Lizzie insists suddenly, her pitch beginning to rise. “Renée _stay_ , Scott _stay_.”

“No, sweetie, they can’t stay,” Tessa tries again. “We had a nice party, and it’s bedtime now. We’ll see them again soon, another day,” she repeats.

None of her words help, though, as Lizzie bursts completely into tears, wailing as loudly as Tessa has ever heard her cry, at least in a very very long while.

She exchanges a look with her mother, suddenly horrified. Lizzie’s never reacted this badly to a goodbye before, and they’d had such a good afternoon with so few tears up until now.

“Oh, come here, sweetie,” Kate says, undaunted, taking Lizzie in her arms. “Nana’s here too, see? You’ve got Mama and Nana all to yourself now.” But Tessa can read the look of understanding in Kate’s face.

“Mom, I…” she starts but can’t figure out what the words are. The truth is she doesn’t know what to say just then, how to fault her daughter for wanting more time with the people Tessa herself has been wanting more of. The same people she yearns to have in her life more and more.

She thinks her mother gets it, judging from the sympathetic look she’s giving her. Tessa strokes her hand across Lizzie’s hair, as the girl calms slightly in Kate’s arms. Lizzie’s cries don’t subside completely but they do diminish, long enough for Kate to chime in with her reassuring grandmother voice.

“We’re going to go get ready for storytime, aren’t we, my Lizzie?” Kate tells her in her ear, reminding her of their familiar evening routine. “We’ll have a nice warm bath and then get all comfy together in the big chair upstairs, and Mama will get your milk all ready,” she says, and Tessa nods back at her mother.

She lets Kate take over, with a sinking feeling in her heart as she heads back to the kitchen. She listens to her mother’s reassuring voice comfort her daughter. It seems to work, as eventually she hears Lizzie’s cries subside and the sound of bath water running.

Tessa gets Lizzie’s bedtime sippy cup ready, and then trails through the living room in search of Mr. Bear. She discovers him sitting next to the new moose toy that was the gift from Scott’s kids, and she’s hit then with such a bittersweet feeling. She knows Lizzie will bounce back, she always does eventually. And it had been such a good afternoon, with so many amazing people surrounding Lizzie. But at the end of it all she’d just wanted more of Scott and the others, and Tessa can truly only sympathize with that.

She hugs the toys to herself, burying her face in their plush softness. She wishes she knew exactly what to do next, and only hopes more time will help her figure it out.  


*

Even amidst the anticipation of an Olympic year bearing down on them, and on the sporting world in general, Scott finds a familiar comfort to the rhythm of the competitive season. It’s good, feeling like he can see the trajectory of the year rolled ahead of them, being able to predict at least some of the challenges that lie ahead. It’s even more steadying to him now, as he works to focus his mind on his professional commitments, and not just letting it wander back to Tessa. Ever since Victoria he’s thought about her more and more, missing her, wondering when they might have the chance to be together like that again.

In the lead up to NHK Tessa joins him in person again for a focussed afternoon at the rink, with Scott offering his sitter to look after Lizzie. Tessa had hesitated at first, saying it was too much of an imposition but he’d insisted again, guessing that the last thing she needed was to be splitting her focus between skating and worrying about her daughter. It had turned out to be the right decision, and their practice time had gone well. But after they wrap he can tell she’s worrying at something in the back of her mind. He wonders if it’s something to do with their recent personal changes, if they’ve moved too quickly and she’s second guessing it all now.

On the drive back to his house she opens up without much prodding, and it turns out to be something else entirely. “Lizzie’s gotten so clingy all of a sudden,” Tessa says. “All last week she just wouldn’t go to bed like normal, not unless I sat with her. And then coming here this time, originally I thought I wasn’t going to bring her with me but when I was packing yesterday it was like a switch flipped or something. She kept asking when I was coming back, and if I was going to get to see you,” she explains, her voice exasperated. He glances over and sees she’s rubbing at her forehead a little.

 _Oh_ , he thinks, his heart feeling for her in a whole different way. “I mean, she did just turn two, right?” he points out, hoping he’s not coming across too much like a know-it-all parent.

“Yeah,” Tessa answers. “That’s what Jordan keeps reminding me. And Mom. And Megan. Is there a secret toddler tantrum calendar or something?”

“I mean...kind of, yeah.” He laughs a little, joined by her. He knows that most kids have phases like that - his did, in their different ways - and that Lizzie probably is right on schedule herself.

She half-sighs, half-groans. “I just hoped I could avoid this a little longer. Like, until after February at least?”

“Yeah, unfortunately toddlers don’t care about Olympic training schedules,” Scott says. He reaches over and strokes one hand down her arm, then squeezes her hand before traffic starts up again and he returns both hands to the wheel. “It’s okay, T, you’ll get through it. It’s a bumpy phase but everyone gets through it.”

“You promise?” she asks.

“I promise.” He turns to look her in the eye as he says it. “My guys all sleep like logs, now.”

Later on that night he’s hopeful Tessa will have some time off from worrying about Lizzie’s routine, especially since the little girl seems game to sleep in Renée’s room again, just like at Thanksgiving. What’s more, Renée had acted like this was just the normal place for Lizzie’s guest bed now, which warmed his heart completely - and Tessa’s too, he thinks, judging from her expression. He’s wondered sometimes if his own kids get enough time with Tessa and Lizzie, amidst the pace of everything else happening. They’ve impressed him by just rolling with everything, creating new habits to include the two of them in their home like it’s just the expected thing to do.

Scott stays up and chats with Tessa after the kids have gone to bed, as has become their habit when Tessa stays over. He holds her hand and sits close with her, listening to her tell him about everything she and Lizzie have been up to at home. After a little while she’s quiet for a moment, leaning against him and letting her head rest on his shoulder. Scott settles next to her too, bringing his free hand up to run through her hair, and brushing his hand against her cheek. He lifts her chin, glad when she lets him press a kiss to her cheek, and then her lips. He’d happily take things further but it’s all cut short a moment later when Lizzie wakes up after only being asleep for an hour or so, and Tessa goes to sit with her.  

When she’s gone for more than a few minutes Scott finishes the washing up and then goes upstairs to look in on them. He tiptoes into the corridor and ducks his head into the door of Renée’s room. Renée’s completely conked out asleep, as she usually is. Tessa’s lying on the mattress next to Lizzie, the little girl’s arms wrapped around her. Tessa’s stroking her hair over and over with one hand, in quiet reassurance. He can’t tell if Lizzie’s asleep yet or not, but just looking at Tessa’s face he can tell this isn’t the first time she’s done this particular routine with her. She turns to look at him, making eye contact.

“ _Okay?_ ” Scott mouths silently.

Tessa doesn’t say anything back, but offers him a closed-lipped smile, her eyes blinking shut and then opening again in a way that he knows means ‘thank you.’ Scott blows her a silent kiss before stepping away.

He waits up for a little while, but eventually deems it best not to interfere and just gets ready for bed on his own. He catches himself feeling envious, missing the quiet time with Tessa that they’d started to cultivate together.

He slips under the covers alone, opens his book and tries reading for a few minutes, eventually just getting lost in his thoughts. He finds himself thinking back to a month ago when it was Thanksgiving, and so much had seemed to land on him all at once - about how he felt about her, about much he needed her presence. About how much he just needed _her_ , in so many ways. He’d held her close because it would have felt odd not to. Because separating from her seemed stranger to him than staying apart.

It wasn’t even about returning to how they were before, he knows, too. Those days are a decade in the past. He knows he’s not the same person he was before, and neither is Tessa. He’s also not willing to push her into a new relationship she’s not ready for. She has a daughter, and a life in London, and goals of her own. The idea that he could change any of those parts of her life for the worse, makes a knot form in his stomach. He couldn’t ask anything of her she wasn’t ready to give, especially not after all this time.

Scott puts his long-forgotten book aside and turns out the light, lying alone in the dark quiet of his bedroom. He thinks then about how practiced he’s become at feeling so many things, these last few years - certainly grief, sadness, loss, confusion. But he’s also experienced love, and gratitude, and friendship, and kindness, in more ways than he can count. He’s been focussed on giving as much of these things to his children as he can, to make sure they feel safe and loved and cared for. And so much of the rest of his focus has been on his work, and his teams, and ensuring their growth and progression.

He lets himself feel what it would be like to keep some those feelings for himself, too. And to have someone to share them with. He knows now, that he’s ready to try something with her - but only as long as she’s ready, too.

After a little while, Scott turns on his side and falls asleep by himself.

At some point in the middle of the night he wakes up and realizes he’s not alone anymore. He can feel Tessa’s warmth tucked next to him, her arm wrapped firmly around his waist even in sleep. The uncertainty that he’d felt earlier dissipates, feeling her steady presence next to him.

 

*

And then, a few days later, they’re off to Tokyo for NHK. Upon arriving in Tokyo they take only scant time to gather their bags and refresh themselves before heading to the arena for their allocated practice time. Anna and Ravi's foxtrot is well-honed now, which should be setting them off to a good start for their final NHK outing. But in training the week before they had seemed to be struggling with one of the lifts in their free program, which worries Scott since it’s early enough in the program to throw some things off if it causes problems.

He spends extra time working through it with them while they can, taking some solo time with Ravi to work out what the issue is - he’d been feeling a mild strain in his back the week before but had worked it out, or so they thought. Tessa shadows Anna, too, watching and giving notes to ensure she’s holding herself in ways that will ease some of Ravi’s efforts, in case the strain returns. They make a plan to review it all again the next day, and Scott ensures he has extra time tomorrow with the medic and physiotherapist.

By the time they get to the hotel he’s already practically dead on his feet and he can tell Tessa is too. When the concierge assigns them a pair of keys to the same room he pauses for barely a split second before turning them over to Tessa without another word. He rolls their luggage along behind her, fatigue radiating off of them both like a wave. It’s not long before they’re both sound asleep.

The short dance goes well two days later. Their first-place lead is marginal, but their attention to Ravi’s muscle strain seems to have paid off, as he shows no signs of struggle at all on the lifts or spins. Scott spends a lot of coaching time with him before and afterwards, making sure that he’s doing okay. The next day they take a team meeting as soon after breakfast as possible, before standing back and letting them move through their off-ice prep session on their own. Tessa watches Scott talk through the lift with Ravi and observes as they demonstrate it together. He’s moving well, no signs of strain.

During their on-ice practice time Tessa spends most of the time next to the boards, watching the team and, if she’s truthful with herself, watching Scott. She’s caught herself doing that more often now, when she’s with him. She can’t help herself now. There are other things she’d like to do with her lips, and his, to be perfectly honest. They still haven’t managed an evening together like their time in Victoria, and she wonders if they might finally correct that tonight.

Scott turns back to look at her in one of those moments as she’s gazing at him and he smiles. He slides over to stand next to her. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing, just...just thinking,” she says, mirroring his smile. “About you,” she adds. She’d like to take his hand, but holds back, here in the open at the rink.

“Good thinking?” She can feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek.

Tessa nods. “Definitely good thinking.”

She can see his mind working as he looks back at her, as his gaze flickers from her eyes to her lips, and briefly lower than that before meeting her eyes once again. She’s about to say something else when her gaze catches back on the ice. Anna looks like she’s had to hold herself back from stumbling, and that’s not happened before, at least not in the last couple of months. “Wait…” she says, observing further, noticing the way Ravi skates up to Anna and the way he’s paying attention to her movements. When Tessa looks back over at Scott she can see him following her gaze, too, watching both Anna and Ravi as they make their way around the rink.

“Something’s up,” he comments, and Tessa agrees. He calls them both over. Tessa grabs both of their skate guards as they move towards the boards.

Once everyone’s off the ice they get into a huddle, talking it out. Anna has one hand on her hip, pointing out a spot that’s started to bother her over the last few days. Tessa hadn’t been worried when she’d come off the ice, but the more Anna starts talking about she does start to worry more. If it’s truly a hip injury that’s starting up, they could be in for a harder week after all. Ravi’s muscle strain would be minor by comparison. They send her over to the physio and massage right away, and Ravi goes with her.

Mentally, Tessa’s kicking herself. One of them might have noticed this sooner if they’d been more aware. Hip injuries don’t just happen; there must have been signs earlier. Either Anna was just not drawing attention to it and hoping it would go away, or Tessa and Scott had not been paying close enough attention. She starts scrolling back over the last couple of weeks in her mind, wondering what she might have missed. All the time she’d spent at home in London missing Scott, when what she’d really been missing was proper attention to her coaching duties - first Ravi and now Anna.

By the time the free dance is ready to start, both she and Scott have done the most they can to reassure them, about how all they need to do is their best, and they’re in a good position going into the final flight. They watch on from the boards as they begin their program well, the first piano cue starting them off to a rapt audience. It’s a clean program until they reach the twizzles, when it’s clear Anna is starting to fatigue. Her rotations are looking slower and rough, and then on the third one she doesn’t catch her blade. It’s plenty for Tessa and Scott to notice, let alone the judges. They finish the second half as well as they can, but Tessa knows they’ve earned lower grades of execution on more than one key element.

She and Scott embrace them with full support when they come off the ice, and smile as well as they can when the scores come in. The top three teams had been close enough that even small flaws would make a difference, and by the time the final skaters are done, Anna and Ravi have barely hung on to third place.

It’s a hard evening, after that, but Tessa and Scott both do their best to make it a constructive one. She sits with Anna for a while, holding her as she releases her emotion and disappointment, and then does her best to talk it out with her. When she finds Scott later she knows he’s done a similar routine with Ravi. By the time they get into bed they’re both spent, emotionally and physically. When she falls asleep it’s fleeting, and she finds herself tossing and turning a few times in the night, shifting away from Scott and trying not to disturb him.

“They’re both going to have recovery time this week,” Scott says on the way to the airport the next day. “And extra physio time, and everything else we can think of,” he adds.

“Yes, absolutely,” she agrees. “They can recover from this,” she says, as much for her and Scott’s benefit as for anyone else’s.

His hand is in hers as they sit next to each other in the taxi, first talking things out and now in silence. The thing they haven’t said yet is whether or not this changes anything between the two of them, but Tessa can feel the unspoken uncertainties hanging in the air between them. They haven’t had the chance to properly figure out what they want to do next, and at what pace, or any of that. She squeezes his hand in hers, still struggling with what to say about any of it.

“They’ll figure it out,” she says, her words an echo of what he’d said to her in the Toronto airport just a few weeks ago.

He looks at her, squeezing her hand back. “They will,” he agrees. “We’ll get them to the Final, and we’ll go from there,” he says. She can tell he’s reassured when she nods back. He leans in and kisses her cheek, and she leans back against him.  


*

The next few weeks pass in a sort of blur. Scott buckles down with Anna and Ravi, setting them up with all the supports he possibly can. After a week of off-ice work only, and a boosted physio regimen, they get back to training sessions the following week. Tessa’s there about half the days, too, absorbing the recommendations from their medical team and working with Anna. While hip injuries are riskier, Anna’s was caught early enough and appears to be limited just to a combination of muscular issues rather than the tendons.

It makes Scott breath an enormous sigh of relief to hear that, thinking this is a much more manageable problem. He can see Tessa’s response is less immediate. She spends a lot of time shadowing Anna, letting the younger woman ask questions and talk out all of the anxieties she’s feeling. He’s so grateful Tessa's there to do that - there’s so much about injuries that he can’t speak to from personal experience. Watching her work with Anna like that makes him grateful for her all over again.

Tessa spends a lot of her time in Toronto at Scott’s just like before, but visits Jordan for some of it, too - she’d gotten a bit of a guilt trip from her, Tessa had explained, about not visiting enough, so she was trying to correct that and get in some planning for Christmas at the same time. He’s okay with that, and can tell she’s being genuine. But he knows they still haven’t gotten to repeat their time in Victoria, and he’d been sufficiently mollified by the experience at NHK to not want to rush it. They’ve embarked on a sort of unspoken agreement not to distract themselves until Anna and Ravi are both back on track. It’s not the Olympics yet, but it is still the Grand Prix Final, and he knows the results they end up with could either boost them further or mess with their heads.

In the end, mercifully, the Grand Prix Final goes about as well as they could expect it to. Anna and Ravi place third after the rhythm dance and manage to hang on to that lead by the skin of their teeth, finishing with Bronze by a half-point margin. Their relief is unanimous. He and Tessa leave them with a lot of words of congratulations and support, encouraging them to use their final practice time wisely before the holidays. They’ve trained well, they know what to do, and now it’s about making sure they’re able to rest and recuperate before the final stretch.

Scott’s relieved as well when Tessa joins him on their last night together in Prague, comforted by the feeling of her lying next to him. She doesn’t push for anything more, though, and so neither does he. He remembers the same words they told the team that same evening, and wonders if he and Tessa couldn’t use some of the same advice - to recover and recuperate themselves a little, too. Maybe they did leap in more quickly than they should have, he wonders to himself.

He turns to hold Tessa, his heart easing when she accepts the touch and shifts to lie against him. He presses his lips gently to her cheek, and forehead, before leaning back again. The thoughts and questions still hang in his mind, but feeling the warmth of her in his arms settles him. Maybe all they truly need is rest, and time.  

 

*

The holidays find Scott packing up his kids - and the dog - and making the trip to Ilderton for the third year in a row. It’s become tradition, now, along with all the assorted holiday activities that have become their habit. The ways they remember Christine, all the visiting with family - his kids still love playing with their little cousins and get more and more full of beans every year - and of course visiting with Tessa.

They visit her for lunch the day before Christmas Eve just like they have the last couple of years, and in many ways it’s a better visit than the previous Christmas. They have lunch, and then spend time exchanging gifts and catching up. Both she and Lizzie are looking happy and healthy - a special relief since Tessa had returned home from the Grand Prix Final to discover Lizzie had come down with an ear infection. It was bad enough she hadn’t responded to the first set of antibiotics and Tessa had kept up working from home since then so she could look after her, and now it seems like the fog has lifted a bit.

The boys are completely full of energy, and Tessa seems to soak up all of the time with them that she can. She asks Aidan more about his dance club and he shows her some of the hip hop moves they just learned before Christmas. Max even joins them a little bit, which he hasn’t done a lot of when it comes to dancing, and it makes Scott grin from ear to ear, watching them.

He finds himself watching Tessa, too, as they try out some of the dance steps in the living room. Not so much as a fellow coach, or parent, just...just because he loves looking at her.

Scott’s taken out of his thoughts by a small hand at his knee tugging at the leg of his jeans. He looks down and sees Lizzie smiling up at him. She’s holding a stuffed toy, which he recognizes as the moose Renée helped pick out for her birthday.

“Hey there, Lizzie girl,” he says, crouching down next to her. “It’s good to see you feeling better, now,” he tells her. He holds up a hand to high-five her and she she does so, grinning that shy but eager smile he loves seeing from her.

“I had ear ache,” she says with a nod, although he’s heard her tell this before. He’d exchanged some messages and calls with Tessa about it a couple of weeks ago when it had first happened, and even a couple of video calls to say hi to Lizzie herself.

“I know, it made you all achey and sad, didn’t it? But you’re all better now?”

She nods. “Better now!” she agrees, waving her hands in the air, along with the moose.

“Oh, better watch it there, we don’t want to lose Mr. Moose,” he says, grabbing the toy from where it’s fallen a little distance away.

“ _Mrs_. Moose,” Lizzie corrects him.

“Ah, of course, Mrs. Moose, I stand corrected,” he says with a wink. Scott comes back over and hands the toy back to Lizzie and she reaches out to him. He picks her up easily, enjoying having her in his arms. He hugs her to him and gives her a kiss on the cheek and she giggles, and it’s the most lovely sound.

She’s such a bright, fun, observant little girl, in many ways reminding him of how Renée was at her age. She’s so little compared to his grown-up almost-six-year-old daughter. And yet when he thinks back to two Christmases ago, he can hardly believe he’d been holding a brand new baby Lizzie in his arms them. It’s startling all of a sudden, thinking about how much has happened in his life - both his and Tessa’s lives - since then. And so many of the good changes in his life have been because of Tessa. He doesn’t know how he would have made it through the last few years without her, and now he can’t imagine his life without her daughter in it, either.

It’s that thought that lingers with him, as he sits with Lizzie and plays, listening to her babble away with him, and still more as Renée joins them again. For a second he lets himself wonder what it might be like to be something like a father to her, to include Lizzie and Tessa in his family and let them invite him and his kids into theirs. It’s an exhilarating and wonderful and daunting feeling, mixed with something sharp and a little terrifying that he can’t quite describe. He swallows, taking a breath, suddenly glad that he’s already sitting down.

The boys run past them then and he realizes the music from their dancing has stopped.

“I gave them the choice between more dance lessons or cookies and they chose cookies,” Tessa says, coming to kneel next to Scott. Renée and Lizzie look up from the colourful matching game they’ve been playing together. “Hey,” she says, looking at him more closely. “Everything good?” She rests her hand on his shoulder, her smile fading a little.

He nods quickly. “Completely good,” he says. He puts his hand on hers and squeezes. “Cookies would be great,” he says, looking at the girls who are now already following the boys to the kitchen.

Tessa nods back, a little more slowly. “Okay,” she answers, still looking at him as though she’s thinking about saying something more. But Lizzie comes back and interrupts again, and then the moment’s passed.

A little while later they drive back to his parent’s house, Scott’s mind filled with so many thoughts, and hopes, too.

 

*

Christmas Eve blurs into Christmas Day, and then before Scott knows it he’s sitting in his mother’s kitchen on Boxing Day evening, the washing up all finished and a freshly opened beer in front of him. All in all it’s been a good holiday, with a bare minimum of fights or tears. And while he honestly can’t remember much of what he received as gifts the last couple of years, this year he actually enjoys unwrapping a few things for himself, including a watch from Tessa that had been a touching surprise.

His father’s gone out for a walk with Ringo and his mother’s been getting the kids settled with a movie down in the rec room. He takes a sip of his beer and leans back, rubbing one hand over his face. He’d missed seeing Tessa and Lizzie today - they hadn’t been at his mother’s party because they’d been busy seeing off Jordan’s family when they’d had to leave a day earlier than expected. He’s exchanged a few texts with Tessa, thanking her for the too extravagant gifts she’d given the kids, not to mention the watch that’s now on his wrist. He’d offered to come by her place tomorrow, and she’d accepted gladly.

Alma comes into the kitchen, then, grabbing a mug and pouring herself a cup of tea from the half-warm pot still on the counter. “Alright, Scotty my boy, let’s have it,” she says. She pulls up a chair with him at the end of the table.

“Let’s have what, Mom,” he says, humouring her.

She lets out a sigh, looking him straight in the eye as she speaks. “Let’s have whatever it is you’ve been muddling about, I can tell there’s something.”

He puts his hand on her arm, squeezing, glad for her thoughtfulness. “Ah, Mom, it’s alright,” he says, brushing her off. The evening’s late, and she’s probably exhausted from the day’s efforts.

“Son, just go see her, I know you want to,” she says, a purposeful expression on her face.

He sits up, looking back at her a little more alertly. “Tessa?”

“Of course, _Tessa_ , who else would I mean?”

“But I should...the kids are-”

“The kids are watching a movie, and have ice cream, and are probably an hour away from falling asleep in front of the television,” she says, then shakes her head. “And you spent a good day with them, and a good holiday for that matter, and you can take an evening to go be with Tessa if that’s what you want,” she adds, pointedly.

It’s his turn to let out a sigh. “And here I thought I was being subtle,” he admits.

She turns her hand so she’s squeezing his, now. “That would be easier to do if you were back in Toronto,” she says. “Or somewhere else. But I can see you with my own two eyes, and she’s obviously on your mind.”

He squeezes her hand back and then pulls away, holding the beer bottle with both hands. “Yeah, she is, Mom,” he admits, his voice soft.

Scott tells her then, everything that’s happened in the last couple of months. How they’d been sharing a bed for a little while now, ever since Thanksgiving, and it had escalated to more than that when they’d been in Victoria at the end of October. Ever since then things had been...fine, between them, but they’d not managed to find the right time to be together like that since then. And then, it had seemed more important to focus their attention on the team, and not distract themselves.

His mother’s simply nodding along as he talks about these events, moderately enough that he starts to guess she’s already figured out a lot of this on her own - or perhaps Kate has helped out in that respect. The fleeting image of Kate knowing all about what he and Tessa have been up to makes him feel oddly like a flustered sixteen year old, and he just blinks past it. It’s when he tells Alma about feeling guilty over not seeing his team’s injuries coming on sooner that she reacts more, putting one hand on his shoulder this time.

“Honey, you couldn’t possibly miss anything if you tried,” she says. “Injuries happen, you know that. And Tessa certainly understands that, too,” she adds knowingly.

“I know,” he admits, although his voice doesn’t sound very confident to his own ears. “And they’ll probably be fine. Tess and I, just...It’s better if we wait, see them through to their last Olympics,” he says, exhaling a breath. “If anything we did meant we messed something up for them…” his voice trails off.

Alma’s looking at him with such kindness, and patience. “Son, I’ve seen you with these kids for ten years now. You’re not going to let them down.” Her hand rubs at his shoulder. “You couldn’t possibly,” she says, shaking her head.

There’s a pause, as he nods back. All of a sudden he feels emotions rising in him, sitting here in his mother’s quiet kitchen. It’s all the same thoughts he’s been wondering about since Tokyo, and others he sees he’s not been allowing in until now.

“What is it, Scott,” she asks, so gently. “You can say it, honey, whatever it is.”

He lets out a ragged breath, rubbing one hand across his face. “I just...I love her, Mom. So much.”

“Of course you do,” Alma says.

“And I know we could...we could have something again. Maybe...maybe more than ‘something’.” He swallows against the knot in his throat. “Maybe we already are more than ‘something’, I don’t know,” he says, shrugging and shaking his head.

It’s not just that it _could_ happen, now, after all this time, like some sort of strange, hard-fought second chance. It doesn’t feel like a second chance, not exactly; A second chance is nothing that either of them ever asked for, not years ago and not now. He realizes now that’s part of what’s held him back from moving too quickly with Tessa - it feels like being with her now is far, far too much to ask from her or the universe; It’s so much more than he could ever deserve.

“And what’s wrong with that?” Alma asks then. She’s shifted closer to him, so he’s halfway in her arms now. “You could be happy together, yes? You deserve to be happy.”

“But I…” he swallows again. “I was happy before, too, Mom,” he gets out. Tears spring to his eyes then. “I was so happy with Chris.”

She’s nodding then, leaning in all the way to hold Scott properly. “I know you were,” she tells him. He can hear her voice faltering, too. “And if that lovely girl were here with you now, you’d still be happy with her, I know you would be.”

His tears spill all the way over, then. He wraps his arms around his mother and lets her hold him.

“It’s alright, Scott,” she tells him. “You’re alright.” He feels her hand stroke the back of his head. After a moment he calms a little more, and pulls back. She brings her hands to frame his face, brushing at his tears with her thumbs. She’s smiling at him again, a bittersweet expression on her face.

“If…” he starts, then clears his throat and swallows before trying again. “If something went wrong with Tess, if she...if she didn’t feel the same way, if something ended badly with us like before, I’d…” he pauses, having trouble finishing the sentence. “I’d never be able to live with it,” he says.

“But how do you know it’ll end badly?” she asks. “How do you know she’s not feeling the same way.”

He lets out another breath, a little steadier this time. “Maybe she does,” he admits. “But we felt good before. And I felt like that with Chris, too. And now there’s the kids in the mix, and Lizzie, and…” his voice trails off again.

“Scott,” Alma says, putting both of his hands in hers. “You listen to me, alright?” Her voice is so steady now, so purposeful. “If I’m sure of anything it’s how much Tessa loves those children of yours. It’s obvious to anyone. I might even say she loves them more than you, but well, I have eyes, you know,” she reiterates. It makes him smile a little again. “And from everything you’ve said...Scott, if she’s still happy to share a bed with you and isn’t pushing for anything more, if she’s including you in her life and making plans with you for the future...those aren’t things someone does when they don’t want to go forward. That’s what someone does when they’re waiting for the other person.”

He looks at her, thinking how clear and certain it all sounds when she says it. In truth, all she’s said are the things he’s been trying to tell himself, too. But when she says it it’s like he’s been given permission, to finally take that next step.

“Just go be with her, Scott, it’s where you want to be. Talk to her, be with her…and just go from there.”

He nods, laughing a little. “Okay, mom. Yeah, I will.” He rubs at his face again, leaning back in his chair. It’s then he realizes Alma’s looking at him expectantly. “You mean I should go right _now_?” he asks. He’s not even sure if Tessa’s free tonight, and not for the first time he wonders if his mother knows more than she lets on.

“Yes! Of course now, when else?”

He laughs again, loudly, in delight and amazement. “Okay, yes. Yes.” He pulls his phone out, ready to text her. He’s about to stand but then puts his phone down, reaching for his mother again. “Thank you, Mom. For everything,” he says, just because.

“I love you, son. You deserve everything you want, you hear me?”

He nods against her shoulder, and finally, finally lets himself believe it.  


*

Just under an hour later he’s knocking on Tessa’s door.

 _‘Are you around tonight? Thought I’d drop by’_ , he’d texted her just to make sure, before grabbing his car keys. He realizes that had effectively blown any sense of spontaneity over whatever conversation they’re about to have, but he can’t help it. If Lizzie were having a bad night he wouldn’t forgive himself for barging in on her.

 _‘Sure,’_ had been her reply only a minute later. _‘Lizzie’s staying with mom tonight, just give me a few minutes to say goodnight and get back home.’_

 _‘Have more than a few, Virtch,’_ he’d messaged back. _‘See you in an hour.’_

_‘It’s a deal.’_

Standing now on her front stoop he pulls off his toque and runs his hand through his hair, suddenly nervous, although rationally he knows he has no real reason to be. He hears the sound of her footsteps coming towards the door and he clears his throat.

“Hi!” Tessa says brightly as she pulls the door open. Her arms are half full of a miscellaneous collection of toys and discarded gift wrap. She seems a bit breathless, and he wonders suddenly if he’s interrupted her.

“You good, T?” he asks as he steps inside.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, closing the door behind him. She leans in and gives him a quick kiss on his cheek in greeting. “I just didn’t completely realize how much _stuff_ Lizzie got this year,” she adds, looking down at the items in her arms. “I brought back a few things Mom had at her place and was trying to pick things up a bit.”

Scott steps out of his boots and hangs up his coat. “Yep, that’s how that goes,” he chuckles. “That doesn’t let up, by the way,” he adds, thinking about the current truckload of gifts he’ll be carting back with the kids in another couple of days.

He walks with her towards the living room in the back of the house, helping her collect a few items along the way and at least gather everything into a pile, and toss the wrappings and boxes. She fills him in on her day, how Jordan and her crew had headed back to Toronto a little earlier, after lunch, and she’d had a quiet afternoon with Kate and Lizzie afterwards. Kate had been happy to have some ‘Nana’ time with Lizzie, too, leaving Tessa with an evening to herself. They end up in the kitchen, standing at the island. He looks at her, smiling, and realizes he’s just been looking at her more so than listening to her, and he falters.

“Have you eaten?” she says all of a sudden. “I could…”

He puts out a hand to her. “It’s okay, T, we already ate at mom’s. You?”

Tessa nods, too. “Same.” She glances at the fridge and back to him. “A drink?” Her hand drifts up almost absent-mindedly towards where his is resting at her shoulder. She links her fingers with his.

He nods, perhaps a little quickly. “Yeah, a drink would be good,” he smiles. Right now he’s just happy to be with her, to soak in time with just her, however long the evening lasts or however they spend it. No children or interruptions. He sees now how right his mother had been. It almost doesn’t matter what he does now that he’s with her - just that he’s _with her_.

“Maybe some wine? I have a bottle of red open already. Oh, or whiskey, Kevin brought this nice bottle back from Scotland,” she says, moving to reach for one of the cupboards.

“Sure, T, sounds good,” he says.

She pulls out a wine glass for her and a tumbler for him. As she pours their drinks he sees the cuff of her sweater shift a little, and a bit of silver glinting at her wrist. Scott recognizes the bracelet he’d given her as a Christmas present - it had been a bit of an impulse splurge. They’re not usually big on gifts for each other, but he’d seen it and thought of her. His smile softens, looking back at her as she comes over to hand him his glass.

“Merry Christmas. Or...I guess it’s Happy New Year soon?” she says.

“Merry everything,” he says, and then laughs when she does. They clink glasses and he takes a sip. She does, too, nodding and glancing back at her glass, pleased. She pulls out one of the kitchen stools and sits down, and he follows.

“So?” she asks. “What’s up?”

“Up?” he answers.

She smiles gently. “Oh, well, I know we had plans for tomorrow, so I just wondered...you must have had something important to talk about.” She takes in a breath and lets it out again, slowly, setting her glass down on the counter in front of her. It’s then that it finally occurs to him that she might be just as nervous as he is.

He nods. “Yeah, I did,” he starts.

But first he just wants to kiss her, so he does. He lets go of his glass and leans in towards Tessa, kissing her firmly on the lips. It’s been too, too long already since he’s gotten to do that, and it’s the only place he wants to start. She kisses him back, bringing her hand up to touch his face, cupping his cheek and the side of his jaw. They part briefly and then she closes the space between them again, covering his mouth with hers. They keep kissing, over and over, until his hands are sliding around her waist and up underneath her sweater, and hers doing the same, one under the collar of his shirt, the other grasping at the front.

They part, finally, breathless. He leans his forehead against hers. “I just want to be with you, T,” he says all of a sudden, his words coming out in a rush like he’s been holding them in for too long, because he _has_. “I want you, in whatever way you want me to be with you. I know there’s other things we probably need to think about, and our past and our future and all of that, but…” he shakes his head, taking in a breath. He lets his hand run along her shoulders and down her arms.  “I just know that I’m better when I’m with you, Tess,” he says finally.

Tessa’s laughing, these wonderful, breathless laughs that he still loves. She brings her hands up to rest on his shoulders, squeezing a little. Her eyes are so bright.

“Is...is that okay?” he asks, holding her hips gently. He has to be sure.  

She laughs again. “Yes, Scott, oh my God, yes,” she says, leaving no room for doubt whatsoever. She shakes her head. “I’ve been wanting to say the same thing, I just...I thought we were waiting. I wasn’t sure if you were ready yet,” she adds, her voice a little quieter.

He closes his arms around her, pressing her to him in a tight hug. “I meant all of it, Tess,” he says, his voice half-muffled by her shoulder. “As long as I get to be with you, and it’s what you want, then that’s all I want, too.”

She wraps her arms more tightly around his shoulders, too. He keeps holding her, until he’s lifting her up and she’s hardly touching her chair anymore. She lifts her head, pressing her lips to his in a soft kiss. “I love you, Scott,” she says, like it’s the only answer to any question he could possibly have.

“I love you so much,” he says, and he kisses her back. He sets her down on the floor again, running one hand along her cheek, and through her hair.

Tessa looks at him, and then over at their forgotten drinks on the counter, and then back at Scott. She takes one of her hands in his, and smiles, this time much less innocently. “Then take me upstairs, and show me.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice.

 

*

  



	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations, competition, and companionship - that pretty much sums this up. Also, everyone has a lot of feelings about things, but in a good way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always to my review committee extraordinaire: peacefulboo, iwantthemtostay, and G, you are all amazing human beings.
> 
> And thank you again for everyone reading, re-reading, commenting, kudos-ing - If you're enjoying reading this, then I'm glad you're out there.
> 
> It's amazing to me that I'm closing in on the last few chapters of this. Believe me there is lots more still to come before we reach the finish line, though! I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life when I'm done writing this TBH.
> 
> If you need more chatter you can find me on tumblr: https://carmen-sandiego-fic.tumblr.com

 

When he wakes up Scott’s not sure what time it is, but there’s the faintest hint of daylight starting to fade in through the curtains. He resists the urge to lean over and check the clock, feeling comfortable just where he is. He can still only smile, looking over at Tessa now. It’s been so long, so, so many years since they’ve lain together like this, exactly. Not counting their night together after Skate Canada, it’s been a long time since he’s woken up like this next to anyone.

Last night he’d driven here half in a daze, buoyed by the release that had come from discovering that if being with Tessa was what he wanted to do, then maybe there wasn’t actually anything standing in his way. He’d come prepared to talk it out with her, if she’d wanted to. And the truth is they probably still need to. But then he’d gotten here and seen her bright, smiling face, and all the words in his mind had dissolved. All he knew was that he was there next to her, right where he wanted to be, and he would have done nothing else other than hold her in his arms if that were what she wanted.

And then, she’d led him upstairs. Unlike that night together two months ago in Victoria, this time they’d gotten to take their time with each other. He’d undressed her slowly, attentively, placing kisses on her bare skin as he removed her clothing. And then she’d done the same for him, her hands running over the bare expanse of his skin as though discovering it for the first time. The first round had been fervent, insistent - not rushed but dedicated. If there’d been even a sliver of doubt remaining between them he’d wanted to erase it. With the touch of his hands on her body, his lips on her mouth, and her skin.

Then they’d come together again, more slowly this time, more gentle. She’d kissed him and then raised herself on top of him, sinking onto him like it was the only thing she’d been missing. When she came apart around him, above him, all he could think of was how much he adored her, how wonderful it is that he gets to love her like this.

He turns onto his side, facing Tessa. She’s lying on her stomach, her face half covered by sleep-mussed hair, the expanse of bare skin on her back slightly visible under the blankets. As he lets his hand come to rest next to hers, where it lies curled next to the pillow, he closes his eyes for a moment and lets himself remember the ways she’d touched him, moved with him and against him, how he’d held her and kissed her afterwards.

When he opens his eyes Tessa’s still resting, her eyes closed. He can’t help but reach out and touch her, running his hand lightly along her arm and shoulder, revelling in the touch of her soft skin. It’s like he can’t wait to be awake with her now. Still, he loves her like this, too, so at peace. He remembers how years ago she would always have such trouble finding enough restful hours in her day, or enough sleep at night. He’d wondered every so often if parenthood had made things harder for her to manage in that way.

Suddenly he thinks about what it would be like to go away with her, to hide away from the rest of the world for a week or two and worry about nothing else but their own comfort. They could rediscover each other all over again, learn everything they need to know about each other’s lives, their dreams and desires. And then he almost laughs, halfway groaning into the pillow when he remembers all the reasons they can’t do that just yet. They’ve still got a team to see through to retirement, and a season at the club to wrap up, and he knows she’s been making plans with Kaitlyn and who knows what else. And four children to manage between them. Still, the image of him and Tessa stealing away somewhere will keep him warm for a while longer.

She starts stirring a moment later, her brow crinkling a little as she burrows her face closer into the pillow. She lifts her head and turns her face towards him, blinking awake and letting her gaze rest on Scott. And then she shifts, nudging herself closer to him and slipping her hand underneath his.

“Good morning,” she murmurs, a drowsy smile on her face. Her eyes drift shut for a brief moment, relaxed and content.

“Morning right back,” he says. He clasps her hand in his, stroking his thumb along her knuckles.

For a moment they simply lie together like this, their breaths mingling along with their touch. His fingers move gently along her palm and her forearm, caressing her skin.

“This is nice,” Tessa says, her voice still half-tinted with sleep.

“Yeah?” he asks, content and languid. “You’re feeling good?”

She nods, her own smile widening now. “Yeah. More than good,” she offers. She brings their hands closer to her, brushing her lips along his. “Been a while since I did that.”

“Good thing I’ve still got it, then,” he breathes out. His smile broadens with a small amount of male pride, before he hesitates. “Hey, I thought we did pretty good there back in Victoria. Or is it just that-”

“Don’t get too many ideas,” Tessa says. “I meant it’s been a while since I’ve slept in without a small child waking me up,” she adds, already chuckling to herself before she finishes the sentence. Her laugh is warm and low, giving way to a broad, gleaming smile.

Scott starts laughing with her, because she’s not wrong. He can’t even remember the last time he slept in at all. He keeps laughing, slowly at first and then louder, until she’s laughing with him and brushing away tears under her eyes.

“I can’t argue with that,” he says finally, squeezing her hand and then kissing it.

Then he leans in and kisses her lips. It’s a long, slow kiss, like he’s trying to breathe her in. He continues the kiss, letting his hand rest his along the side of her face to cup her cheek, nestling his fingers in her hair. He feels her hand come to rest on his chest, caressing his skin.

When they part she takes in a slow breath before letting her head rest back on the pillow, gazing back at him. She’s smiling easily and fully awake, now, as is he.

Scott watches her looking back at him and can almost tell the very moment when something shifts in her mind, as though her thoughts are awake now too, and have started winding up. He can practically feel the gears turning. He brings his hand back to cover hers, right above his heartbeat. “Is this okay, Tess?” he asks, uncertain all of a sudden. “We’re good?”

She nods, decisively. “Yes. It is, Scott. It’s good. It’s more than good. It’s...” she pauses, closing her eyes, not finding the word she wants. “It’s more than good,” she repeats again.

“Okay,” he repeats. “Good. Because I really, really agree,” he says. Whatever else does or doesn’t happen once they leave this bed, he doesn’t want there to be any confusion about how he feels about what they did.

Tessa nods again, agreeing wordlessly. Her eyes are so clear like this, here in this bedroom that’s slowly been filling with light. He can see how green the irises are, framed by her long, dark eyelashes. Back when they were skating together he always thought she was so beautiful without makeup on - especially when it was just her, like this. He waits, stroking his hand along her hand, her arm, ready to hear whatever she’s thinking about.

Her expression shifts again, a hint of a smile crossing her face again. “The truth is...I think I hoped last night would go something like that,” she confesses.

“Oh yeah?” he says, suddenly grinning back.

“Yeah,” she repeats easily. “I...when I got your text after dinner I asked mom if she wouldn’t mind having Lizzie stay overnight,” she says, and he’d swear just then that she’s blushing a little as she says it.

“Tessa Virtue,” he says, drawing out the syllables of her name just as slowly as he wraps his arm around her waist, and then pulls her body closer to his. “Were you planning to seduce me the whole time?”

Tessa laughs again, that same wonderful sound. “I don’t know what I was planning, exactly. Just that I wanted to make sure I had you all to myself, without any time limits. Or distractions,” she adds. Her hand drifts back up his shoulder, then gently along his neck, and the line of his jaw. “I did know I wanted to talk,” she says. “And listen. And...whatever else might happen after that,” she adds, her voice gentle and low. Her fingers continue their path, tracing along the edge of his lips. Suddenly he has to resist the urge to take them in his mouth.

But he settles for taking her hand in his once more, slowly pressing a kiss to the pads of her fingers, and then the inside of her palm. Scott waits for a moment, wanting to know what else she’ll say. He can tell she’s deep in thought again. “What are you thinking about?” he asks.

She smiles a little, which makes him relieved. “Us,” she says simply. “Us now. Us...then,” she adds, taking in a breath.

Scott nods, understanding what she means. He’d wondered how much of that talk they would have, and when it might happen. “What about us?” he asks simply. He curls his hand around hers, resting them both against his chest.

Tessa’s quiet again for a moment. “I never regretted it, you know,” she says softly.

“Us?” he responds. “Us now, or...us then,” he says, repeating her words. He strokes his hand along her arm.

“Then,” she says at first, but then pauses as though thinking better of her answer. “Well, both, I suppose,” she adds, her soft smile returning.

She lets go of his hand, lifting hers up to gently touch his face. Her fingers brush along his forehead, then his cheek. He closes his eyes, just letting himself feel her touch against his skin. He’s sure there’s a bigger conversation forming in her now, and so he waits, listening.

“There were moments when I...wondered,” Tessa says after a few silent moments pass between them. “About what it could have been like, if we’d made a different choice.”

“You did?” Scott responds.

“Mm hmm. A few times,” she says.

“Oh,” he answers. “I never realized that.”

He feels surprised hearing that from her now. All of that happened so long ago, and yet when he stops and thinks about it he still remembers how it felt at the time, when they’d separated. How, even as much as they’d struggled with it, they’d come to the decision together that parting ways was the right choice for both of them. After that he’d worked hard not to go back, not to think about the what-ifs or paths not chosen - and he’d assumed it had been the same for her.

“Never for very long,” Tessa emphasizes then, shaking her head like she’s trying to reassure him. “Really. I’ve gotten to live the life I wanted, Scott, truly I have. We both have,” she adds, lifting her eyebrows a little, her voice so gentle as she continues speaking. “I’ve had such a wonderful career - _careers_ , really - and I still feel like I’m just getting started. And having Lizzie…” she pauses ever so briefly, as though she’s struggling with finding the right words. “I don’t think I can imagine my life without her now,” she says, swallowing. “There’s no way that I could.” He can see her eyes shimmering.

“Me either,” he answers. Vaguely he realizes he can’t tell if he means her life or his, and his mind seems to resist sorting out the answer.

“And...and honestly Scott, all those years ago, as soon as I saw how you were with Christine...You were so happy together, right from the start, anyone could have seen it. You belonged together, you just...all at once you just _fit_ ,” she says, half shrugging. Her hand rests flat against his chest, now, her thumb stroking gently back and forth. “I could never have come between that, never.” She’s shaking her head, so insistently.

“I know you wouldn’t have, T,” he says. “You don’t need to tell me that.” And then he’s aware of the knot forming in his own throat.

She leans in, then, burying her face against his shoulder. “And your kids, Scott, oh my God,” she tells him, the sound of her voice and the sensation of her breath washing over him. “I don’t even know...I’ve just always loved your boys so much, you know that. And Renée...oh, that girl got the best of you and Christine-”

“-all Chris, she’s all her,” he interjects suddenly, almost on reflex. He wraps his arms around Tessa even more tightly, pressing his face into her hair, breathing in the scent of her, familiar and so brand new all at once.

Another minute passes like this, the two of them wrapped quietly in each other’s arms, like they’re trying to hold on to so much more than that. It’s when he feels her shuddering in his arms, then, that he realizes tears are already dampening his cheeks, too. He lets her cry, releasing a collection of emotions that he imagines he’s feeling many of, too.

“I’m not her,” Tessa says next. “I can’t ever try to be, I would never try to be.”

“I know you’re not, Tess. I’d never think that.”

She raises her head to look at him before continuing. “I hope you believe me when I tell you...All that time, I never imagined I’d be here in this position, back here with you. Trying to figure out how to follow her, how to...how to take her place,” she says, half-stumbling over the words.

“You’re not taking her place,” he tells her, because it’s true. “You couldn’t take her place.” There’s a certainty to his words, but no malice.

“You’re right,” she says, after a pause. “No one could,” she adds, and it’s just as true. Her expression has shifted a little, looking back at him with so much compassion, love, and something like grief and sorrow.

He still has moments sometimes when he feels Christine’s loss so freshly it’s like it’s just happened. He’s learned to live with those feelings, to include those moments in his world because that’s just how it, now. His wife is gone but her presence is not. But just now he realizes the same must be true for Tessa. It lands on him now how much she must have gone through, too. He’d lost his wife - she’d lost a friend. She’d grieved for her, for both of them. And the part of Scott that had gone with Christine - Tessa had lost that, too.

“There are times when I wondered…” Tessa starts again, then swallows in hesitation. “I wonder sometimes if having Lizzie protected me from the pain of grieving, at first,” she admits. “For Christine...and for you,” she says, her words shuddering a little.

Scott clutches at her more tightly, feeling so much for her then. “Was that...was that how it happened, Tess?” he asks, his voice hoarse all of a sudden. “It was...well I know it must have been not long after she died.”

She just nods, quickly, tears starting again. “I didn’t know if you’d figured that out or not. I didn’t know what to say about it.”

“I can count, T,” he says, softly. “And you didn’t need to say anything, I promise.” Admittedly it hadn’t occurred to him right away, but once it did he’d just felt such a strange combination of emotions. It had made him feel Christine’s loss even more profoundly, in a way. And once Lizzie had arrived he could only feel such complete joy for Tessa.

“I hadn’t meant for Lizzie to happen, I just...at the time I just needed comfort,” Tessa says, and he can hear the grief and sadness in her voice all over again. “And who’s to say a baby wouldn’t have happened anyway?” she adds, wondering out loud. Her cheeks are wet now, though her words are clear. She shrugs, bringing her hand to cup his cheek again. “Maybe Lizzie would still have come. Maybe it was just luck that I met her...well, her father, at the right time.”

It’s so strange to him, hearing her use that word to describe the man who created Lizzie with her. Scott’s never asked her about that time - that man. But it’s always been enough for him to know that the man wasn’t someone she wanted or needed to keep in her life, otherwise her little family would look very, very different right now. And he wouldn’t be here wondering - hoping - that he could be the one to play that role for her someday. Maybe someday sooner than he’d realized.

“Oh, Tess,” he manages, his arms closing around her once more. All he knows is he loves Tessa more than he can describe, and he just needs to keep holding her right now.

“I love you so much, Scott. And whatever this is that we have now...I’m so happy to have it with you.”

“You make me so happy, too, Tess,” he croaks. “I wish I could tell you how much.” His vision quickly blurs with fresh tears, so he closes his eyes.

“But I also wish so much that Chris was still here and that you were still with her,” Tessa says, and he can hear the emotion in her voice, too. “I don’t know how to make sense of that, of how i can feel both those things at the same time,” she continues, weeping now. “But I do.”

“I think some things never will make sense, T,” he says. “No matter how many times I try to make them.” If he’s learned anything in the last few years it’s that sometimes things just don’t make sense. “But that doesn’t make them any less true.” He’s learned that too so many times, for better or for worse. He opens his eyes again, and reaches to lift her head and hold her face in his hands. “What makes sense to me now is that I love you,” he tells her, for what feels like the hundredth time even just since last night. “Being with you now makes sense to me.”

“Yes,” she says, nodding as well as she can. She blinks and then closes her eyes, one last wave of tears spilling out. He brushes his thumbs across her cheeks and then presses soft kisses in their path.

“I know there’s more for us to figure out,” he says when he looks back at her again. He sees her expression soften again.

“Yeah,” Tessa says, the word practically its own entire breath. “But we will figure it out,” she says after a pause. “I know we will. I want to,” she adds. She’s smiling again now, reaching out a hand out to touch his cheek.

Scott smiles too, feeling lighter now than he has in months...maybe even years. “You know, I think it might be just about all I want,” he says.

He’s still feeling so many things, hope and grief and exhilaration and more. But at the same time he’s so grateful to have her in his arms right now. And he knows that his children are still with him here on this earth, and happy, and will probably soon be awake and being spoiled by their grandparents just a short drive away. He releases a breath, laughing a little just thinking about it, and then it’s like he wishes he could be in two places at once - that everyone he loves could be under the same roof. But for now he’ll settle for having Tessa in his arms, right where she belongs.

Then he leans in towards her and he can’t tell just then if he kisses her or if it’s her kissing him, all he knows is they’re tangled again together. And they’re going to get to spend more nights together like last night, and more mornings like this one, again and again and again.

*

From the kitchen she can hear Scott’s voice upstairs, talking on the phone with his kids. When they’d eventually unwrapped from each other’s arms to check their messages Tessa had found a few from Jordan, a couple of them having been waiting since the night before. She’d taken a moment to message her back, albeit with a little lighter detail than what she’ll share with her when she calls her properly later today.

Scott had been surprised to find no messages at all from his parents, and so decided to make the pre-emptive move and check in at home. So she’d given him a bit of space and made her way down to the kitchen, wrapped in her robe and feeling warm and light all over. The sun is starting to shine through the windows, reminding her that the day is already getting started, and here she is only now getting the coffee on. She catches a few words from Scott’s conversation still concluding upstairs, and can’t help the laugh that escapes her when she’s sure she hears the words ‘grown-up’ and ‘sleepover.’

When he comes down a few minutes later she’s pulling mugs out of the cupboard. “Everything okay?” she asks.

“Completely. I honestly think they might not have even noticed I was gone if hadn’t called, but then once I did they had to tell me _everything_.”

Tessa glances at the clock, then laughs. “You’ve been gone maybe what, eleven, twelve hours tops?” she says. “Yeah, I guess that’s about right.”

“I told them I’ll be back in a little bit, after breakfast probably?” he says, half-asking and half-telling. She nods, and it’s enough affirmation for him to nod back. He takes up the mugs she’s just pulled out, and starts pouring out coffee for both of them.

Scott turns towards her and hands her a mug. She takes a sip and sighs gladly, the coffee tasting just the way she likes it, a little bit of milk but no sugar. Faintly she wonders if she ever actually told Scott the way she takes her coffee these days, and can’t actually remember doing it. He just seems to know these things. It makes her smile at him, fondly wondering what other little things he’s kept track of about her life.

“And they asked about you too. I told them we had a lot of grownup things to talk about last night by ourselves,” he says with a wink, and she smiles more broadly, “but that they’d be seeing more of you again very soon.” His voice is warm, and cautiously hopeful. And he has that excited, proud tone he often gets when he’s talking about his kids.

It occurs to her then she’s not sure exactly when her mother will bring back Lizzie, and that makes her feel both excited and regretful all at once. She’d exchanged a few messages with Kate a few minutes ago, and said it was alright for Lizzie to stay a little while longer. She guesses they have an hour or two at the most.

“They will,” Tessa agrees, still smiling. She reaches out a hand to stroke his cheek, then his hair, brushing it off of his forehead. She lets herself lean into that thought for a moment, wondering what it would be like to blend their families. It’s a little terrifying, she admits to herself deep down, but more than that it’s so wonderful and exhilarating. He’s such an amazing father. And an incredible partner, in so, so many ways. And if it’s possible he’s even more handsome now than he was a decade ago.

“Yeah,” Scott says, an easy expression on his face. He takes a sip from his mug, too, looking back at her as his smile starts to mirror hers. “What are you thinking about over there?” he asks. He moves closer to her, stepping all the way into her space. He sets down his coffee and braces his hands on the counter behind her.

“You,” Tessa answers without hesitation. She lets her hand run back along his cheek, feeling the bit of stubble along his jaw, then along his neck and shoulder. “What are you thinking about?” she asks back, one eyebrow lifting a little.

“You,” he repeats, dipping his gaze a little. He plucks the mug from her other hand and sets it aside on the counter next to his, then returns both of his hands to her waist. “And how we were so unfortunately interrupted by real life just now.” She smiles, knowing that he’s joking with her. He loves his kids, but she knows he’s trying to make the most of his time with her this morning while he has her. And the emotional and truthful conversation they’d shared has already left her feeling lighter, yet also sturdier beneath her feet.

“Oh yeah?” she asks.

“Yeah. I thought I would get to have my way with you,” he says, disappointment in his voice.

“I hate to remind you that we are on a bit of a clock,” she says sympathetically. But she likes the way he’s thinking. “So what else were you thinking about me?” She smiles again, a little mischievously.

“Oh, so many things,” he says on a long exhaled breath, before dropping a kiss to her lips. He kisses her a second, then third time, shifting a little each time like he’s breathing her in little by little. His arms wrap around her more firmly, his hands running up her back, pressing against the fabric of her robe.

“Tell me,” she says, as his lips start on a new path along her cheek, and then just behind her ear. Involuntarily she shivers a little, though she feels anything but cold.

“Mmm,” is all he murmurs at first. His voice vibrates against her skin, trailing through her in a way that reaches the very centre of her, so quickly it’s almost unfair. “How beautiful you are,” he says next. “And so brilliant, and smart, and kind.” She tips her head back a little so his lips can continue their work. He takes the hint, leaving open-mouthed kisses all down her neck to punctuate his words.

“Scott,” Tessa breathes, because it’s the only word on her tongue right now. If she had more she’d say how much he could be describing himself right now.

His kisses along her collarbone, licking just a little in the valley at the base of her neck. She swallows, licking her lips. “I love all of you, Tess,” he tells her. “How hard you work, how generous you are.” She can feel his mouth moving lower and lower, his body bending a little. Then he’s lifting her so she’s sitting on the edge of the counter, her knees coming to rest at his sides, framing his body. Her hands still grip at his shoulders, one of them holding him at the back of his neck as he puts his mouth back to work.  

His words are filled with so much adoration, making her feel humbled and exposed in a way she hadn’t expected him to do. All she’d been thinking was how their time was about to run out this morning and she wanted to spend it as close to him as possible. It’s like he’s making sure to finish what they started, as though he has to please her in every way he can.

“And how beautiful you are,” he says, almost reverently. He lifts his head to look right at her as he says it, with those gorgeous brown eyes of his, so clear and comforting.

“You said that already,” she responds softly, a little breathlessly.

“Well it’s still true.” He slides her just a little closer to him so she’s right on the edge of the counter. She can feel the warmth of his body flush against her, and even as he starts to loosen her robe, all she feels is the heat rapidly building between the two of them. “You should be told that every day, Tess, because you are.”

“So are you,” she says, lifting his face to hers. She kisses him firmly, breathing him in and running her hands through his hair.

He keeps kissing her back, releasing a slight groan as she rocks her hips into him almost on reflex. She just wants to be as close to him as possible. Her legs wrap a little more around his torso.

“Don’t care about me right now,” he mumbles against her lips. A quick breath escapes her as his hands move underneath her robe, opening it fully and then slipping underneath the waistband of her pyjama shorts.

His hands squeeze the flesh at her hips before he pulls at the garment. She lifts her hips briefly and shimmies a little, helping him take them off completely. Now naked from the waist down, she moves to return the favour, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt.

“Hm mmm,” he murmurs, stopping her hands with his. “Not about me right now,” he repeats, leaning back and putting her hands back on the counter.

Tessa lets out a long sigh, leaning back as she plants her hands behind her. He returns to his earlier pursuit, kissing his way down her body, returning his hands to her legs. She opens her thighs to him further as he touches her, cupping her firmly before slipping two fingers between her folds. She can’t help the moan that escapes her then, nor does she care. He strokes her a few times, not needing long to find the spot that he knows will make her buck against his hand, and then she does that too.

“ _Scott_ ,” she manages. She can feel sweat breaking out along her neck, and collarbone.

“Tell me,” he says, his breath hot against her body. He mouths against her skin, teeth nipping at the top of her breast.

She widens her legs further, pressing against his hand. “Want you,” she says. “Your mouth.” It’s been years since she’s had anyone between her legs like this, and she’s not going to wait any longer now.

Scott’s hand slips away from her and she whimpers a little at the loss of sensation. He kneads at her hips and runs his hands down her thighs as he lowers himself, kneeling in front of her. She can feel his breath, warm against her centre where she’s already throbbing and ready.

At first he brings his lips just to the curve of her stomach, caressing his way lower, then along the soft sensitive skin at the line of her hips and the taut muscle beneath, before reaching the apex of her thighs. She can feel the rough stubble along his jaw as he shifts, settling against her. As soon as she feels the heat of his breath on her she surges against him, needing more.

He does as she wishes, licking her first with his tongue and making her gasp. He grips her harder, bringing both of her legs to rest over his shoulders. As he dips his tongue in deeper she presses her heels into his back, urging him onwards. He keeps going, finally closing his mouth around her hardened nub, swirling his tongue just enough. By the time he brings one hand up to slide two fingers back into her folds she’s not just gasping but moaning, completely unabashed. She arches into the delicious sensations, her hands trying to find the right purchase on the counter.

Tessa can feel her response heightening in a rhythm now, in time with his ministrations. She lets one hand fly up to grasp his hair, and knocks both mugs off of the counter as she does. But nothing else matters except the glorious coil of desire winding itself inside her, tighter and tighter. She tugs on his hair once more time just as seems to take all of her in his mouth. Finally she lets go all at once on a cry that she can’t tell if she’s said words or his name or anything intelligible at all. She feels the scream fading from her throat as she comes back to herself, her body going almost entirely limp.

Scott stands, slowly, an adoring, satisfied grin on his flushed face even as he wipes at it with the back of his hand. She wants nothing more but to kiss it away, so she does, half collapsing against him and half wrapping him in her arms, covering her mouth with his. She can taste herself on him.

“Oh I love you,” she tells him on a long contented sigh. He wraps his arms around her and kisses her back, loving and deep. When she lifts her head this time she glances around, surveying the spilled coffee and shattered pieces of the mugs. “We should probably clean up.”

“I really agree,” he says, not referring to the kitchen at all. He gathers her up and lifts her all the way into his arms, heading back to the stairs. She laughs as they make their way up towards her bathroom and the shower that is absolutely large enough for two.

 

*

It’s another half hour before they’re both back downstairs, with the kitchen set back to rights and both of them dressed for the day. Scott takes over the coffee this time, as well as breakfast, but Tessa insists on helping him. By the time the smell of bacon starts filling the kitchen she realizes just how hungry she is, and how long it’s been since either of them have eaten any food.

“So how do you suppose we do this?” she asks him, watching as he measures out ingredients for pancake batter with a practiced eye and an easy hand.

“Do what?” he says, pausing. He looks over at the stove and back at her.

“ _Us_ , Scott,” she laughs. The conversation they’d started just a couple of hours ago already feels like it happened long in the past. “I mean us. I mean...how do we do this? How do we…” her voice trails off on a sigh as she tries to gather her thoughts. The truth is there’s a lot they need to figure out, but she’s not sure how much of they need to get into just yet - whether it wouldn’t be easier to just put all their cards on the table now or to just let everything happen in their own time.

“Yeah,” he says, a matching sigh escaping him. “I suppose…I suppose for right now at least I want to know that we’ll get to be with each other as much as possible,” he says, but he clearly has more thoughts in his mind right now.

“Yes,” she agrees. “At least that much. And maybe...maybe it’s about doing the best we can until the season’s done,” she wonders out loud, thinking back to only a day ago when she thought that was going to be the plan all along. There had been some wisdom in that, given how much still needs to happen in the next three months.

“Okay,” he nods. His expression turns more serious then, like he’s taking a moment to decide what to say next.

“But it’s you and me now, Scott, I promise,” she tells him, wanting no doubt. “You and me and the kids,” she adds, a knot forming in her throat as she says it. “Together.”

Swiftly he reaches for her, his hand clasping hers. “Yes,” he says, nodding emphatically. “All of us.”

“And I’ll be with you in Toronto, from now on when I’m there it’s only with you,” she says. “Me _and_ Lizzie, as much as we can.”

Scott smiles again, so broadly his nose crinkles and his teeth are gleaming, and it’s like it’s the younger version of him in front of her now. It makes her feel transported, like she’s her younger self, too, her insides turning to jelly as she works up the courage to say what she’s feeling to the boy she cares about the most in the world.

“And, when we’re here, we’d...would we stay here with you?” he asks, and there it is even stronger - an almost boyish wonder in his tone, like he’s genuinely asking her opinion and permission for it, but desperately hoping she’ll say yes.

“Oh,” she says, on a kind of nervous laugh that bubbles out of her without warning. She covers her mouth with her hand for a moment. After everything else they’ve talked about in the last few hours, after holding each other and spilling so many emotional tears while still in the sanctuary of her bed...Tessa doesn’t know why this is what makes her tears start up over again but it is.

He’s immediately apologetic. “It’s okay, Tess, we don’t have to if it’s too much, or maybe it’s too soon for that yet. It’s all good, my parents love having us when we’re out here-”

“No,” she interrupts, and then shakes her head. “I mean, yes, Scott, of course you’ll stay here,” she tells him, blinking furiously. “I would love that.” With damp eyes she glances around the large kitchen, and the expansive sitting room beyond, and the rear windows that look out into the backyard that’s seen far too few barbeques and picnics. It’s been just her and Lizzie in this house - well, and her own mother too, for quite a lot of that time, if she’s being honest - as long as Lizzie’s been in her life. The idea of filling her house with the four other people she might just love most in this world, it shifts her whole outlook in an entirely new way.

He kisses her then, long and deep and lingering as he wraps her in his arms. He releases the kiss and then presses his lips on her cheeks, sweeping up her tears.

“Together, T,” he says, reassuring and confident.

“Together,” she nods. She runs her hands down his arms to grasp at his, and he squeezes a little, smiling again. She thinks if she smiles any more this morning her face might fall off.

A few moments later Scott’s putting on the first batch of pancakes as Tessa hears the front door open, and her mother’s voice calling hello, as though half-announcement, half-question.

“We’re back here!” she calls, standing up from her stool. She can hear fast little footsteps running through the house towards her and by the time she gets to the door of the kitchen Lizzie’s already there Kate a few paces behind her.

“Mama!” Lizzie says, a rosy smile on her face and arms stretching up. Tessa crouches down and hugs her in greeting. It feels like a lifetime ago since she left her with Kate last night. Her mother’s already gotten Lizzie’s boots off but Tessa helps her out of her coat and then picks her up in her arms to bring her all the way into the kitchen.

“You had fun with Nana, sweetie?” she asks, and Lizzie nods, noticing then that they’re not alone.

“Scott!” she announces, reaching an arm out towards him.

Scott’s already turned towards them from his place at the stove, glancing one eye back to make sure nothing’s going to burn. “Hey there Lizzie girl,” he says, reaching for her and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Tessa smiles at the greeting. She’s heard him call her that so many times now and always loved it, but this morning it’s like everything means so much more than it did even just a day ago.

“Scott stay?” Lizzie asks, in that small hopeful voice of hers that Tessa adores just as much.

“Oh, well-” Tessa starts, but then Scott jumps in.

“I’m going to stay for breakfast with all of you girls, how does that sound?” He says to Lizzie, who smiles and nods back at him.

“Pancakes,” she says, pleased, pointing at the little operation Scott has going on at the stove and counter. Tessa laughs a little to herself, thinking that the Thanksgiving pancake adventure at Scott’s house must have left more of an impression than she’d realized.

“You betcha,” he says, and winks at Tessa. “Sound good, Kate?” he says with a smile.

“Of course, Scott, thank you,” Tessa’s mother answers just as happily. “I’ll just put away Lizzie’s things, darling,” she tells Tessa.

“Oh you don’t need to do that mom, I’ll help.” She goes to follow Kate back towards the hallway, sparing a glance back to Scott. He’s got Lizzie in his arms still and is showing her how to scoop the batter. She swallows, her heart so full she doesn’t know how she’s going to manage it. It amazes her to think what a year this has been, for all of them.

Scott notices her noticing them and offers her a quick smile over his shoulder, and then he’s back to Lizzie and the pancakes.

Tessa catches up to her mom in the front hall, and hangs Lizzie’s little jacket on its hook. “Thank you again for keeping Lizzie last night, I-” she’s stopped mid-sentence by Kate turning and putting her arms around her. “Oh,” is all she can say, taken off guard but not in a bad way. She hugs her back, feeling Kate’s arms holding her so tightly. “What’s all this for?”

“Nothing, I just...I love you sweetheart,” Kate says.

“I love you too, mom,” Tessa answers. Today seems to be the day for ‘I love yous,’ she thinks.

She pulls back and Kate cups her face briefly and kisses her cheek, smiling at her.

Tessa smiles at her too, faltering a little. “You’re sure everything’s okay?” she asks, just to be positive.

“Very much so,” Kate tells her. “I’m just glad to see you happy. Both of you.”

“Me too, mom. Me too.”

 

*

Two days later Tessa and Lizzie join the Moirs for lunch. They say it’s to make up for having missed Boxing Day, but Tessa’s sure everyone knows it’s so they can all spend a little more time together before saying goodbye to Scott and the kids. It’ll only be goodbye for a few days - Scott’s already invited Tessa and Lizzie to come spend New Year’s Eve with them in Toronto, and it had taken her all of two seconds to say yes.

Tessa makes sure to spend time with Scott’s kids as much as she can, and she notices Scott doing the same with Lizzie. They’ll see each other again in a couple of days but now it’s like their time means so much more, now that they’ve made this new commitment to each other.  She also can’t help but notice the way Alma looks at her, and Scott, and at Scott with Lizzie. It’s an expression not unlike what she’s seen from Kate, lately, and it’s both boosting and humbling.

After lunch Scott and Joe finish packing up the car - Joe helps Lizzie with her coat and boots so she can watch them outside and keep the dog company - while Tessa and Alma play a board game with the kids. Then Scott gets the kids to check their rooms one last time to make sure they haven’t left anything, and it’s just Tessa and Alma for a moment.

“Thank you for having us over, again,” Tessa says. “I’m so sorry we missed your Boxing Day this year.”

Alma just shakes her head. “You know you are all welcome any time,” she says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s Boxing Day, or...or Tuesday,” she says.

Tessa nods. “I know. And I’m going to make sure you see more of us from now on. Scott and I both will,” she says for emphasis.

Alma brings her into a warm, tight hug. “I’m glad. I’m glad for all of you, you know that, right?”

“I do. I’m happy too.”

“Good. You deserve it, my dear,” Alma tells her, separating from their hug and looking her in the eye. “You deserve to make each other happy, if it’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want. It’s what we both want,” she says, nodding quickly.

Alma pats a hand to her cheek, and then her shoulder. Then she just shakes her head. “Oh, the two of you,” she says, somehow sounding both wistful and content at the same time. “Sometimes I think the world just had its own plans for the both of you.”

“I don’t think any of us know how it’s going to go,” Tessa says, shrugging a little. She remembers Scott’s words about how he’s stopped trying to make sense of everything in that way. She shrugs. “But we do our best, I think. And I know he makes me happy - all of them do,” she adds.

“That’s all I could ever want,” Alma says, her eyes wide. “If the two of you weren’t meant to be together, then as long as you were happy, that’s all i could want for both of you. But seeing you with each other now, I…” she swallows, tears coming over her. Tessa wraps her arms around her again. She can’t remember the last time she’s had such an emotional couple of days in succession, and once again it’s enough to almost overwhelm her completely. But it’s good - honest and loving. And she thinks she understands everything Alma’s feeling because it’s everything she’s been struggling with, too.

They hold each other for a long moment, until the footsteps from upstairs make their way down again. Alma kisses Tessa’s cheek and then wipes at her eyes, before returning to grandmother mode. She corrals the kids into getting their coats and boots.

Scott comes to Tessa’s side. “Everything good?” he asks, glancing from his mother and back to her.

“Yes. Your mom was just...well to be honest I think she was welcoming us to the family,” she says, a little breathless.

“Oh, T,” he says, holding her to his side and pressing a kiss to her temple. “You’ve always been part of the family.”

There’s a flurry of activity then as the door opens and Alma follows some of the kids outside, just as Joe comes back in. He’s got Ringo at his feet and Lizzie in his arms. 

“I think this little lady belongs to you,” Joe says with a wink. Lizzie reaches out to Tessa, a pink-cheeked smile on her face.

“Did you and Joe get the car all ready, sweetie?”

Lizzie nods, happy to be where the action is. “All packed up to go,” she says, and Tessa knows she’s mimicking Joe right now. She kisses her cheek.

With Scott’s hand at her back she comes to join the rest of them outside to see them off. She gives big hugs to Max and Aidan and Renée, all of them, before they get settled into their seats. Alma waits with Lizzie while she gets her little face thoroughly kissed by Ringo, before getting the dog into his spot in the back. And Tessa finally gets to turn to Scott again, hugging him tightly.

“We’ll see you in just a couple of days, T,” he says, his words a little muffled in her shoulder and hair. “Both of you.”

“I can’t wait,” she breathes out. The new year lies ahead of them, and she’s happy she’ll get to spend the first night of it with Scott. They’re building something together now - maybe they don’t know what the shape of it looks like yet, not exactly, but they know that it’s coming, and that they’ll make it happen on both of their terms. She lets Scott pull away first, and then kisses him - more modestly than she’d like, given that they’re surrounded by all of their children as well as his parents. But he kisses her a second time in just the same way, and smiles his charming, handsome smile at her, the one she knows is just for her.

Reluctantly she steps away from him, coming to pick up Lizzie again. Having her daughter in her arms makes it all feel a little easier. They wave goodbye to Scott and his family as they drive off, watching as the car gets farther away and then disappears around a corner.

“See again soon?” Lizzie asks Tessa then. Tessa smiles, half laughing in relief. It’s what she always says to Lizzie when they leave Scott’s, or when he leaves them.

“Yes, honey, very soon. In a couple days, okay?”

“Okay!” She throws her arms around Tessa, just happy. She’s had a good day, and managed a goodbye without tears, and for Tessa that’s almost everything she could ask for. _Almost_ , she thinks, with a glance down the road.

A few minutes later she packs up herself and Lizzie, too, and make their way back home. Back to her little house that suddenly feels bigger and more important than it ever has in her life.

*

Before they know it the National championships are upon them, this time in Saskatoon - a name Lizzie takes great delight in practicing saying. It’s a big event, not just for the competition itself but because Tessa and Scott decide with time to spare that they’ll bring the kids with them. They’ve both been feeling a little dismayed that they won’t have their families with them for the Olympics the following month - although given that it would involve more than two weeks of travel and European jet-lag to match, they stand by the decision - and so Nationals turns out to be a good compromise.

Tessa travels ahead with Anna and Ravi, as well as Lizzie and her mother. They’re followed the next day by Scott and his kids, and Alma and Scott’s sitter Petra. Petra has her own room for herself, while the rest of them share two adjoining suites. It seems more than a little crazy, Tessa thinks, and yet they make it work, so many people fitting into such little spaces. And while they’ve never done exactly _this_ , before, all of the kids have travelled to competitions at some point, and so it’s like they already know the drill. Scott and Alma and the boys take one room, and Kate and Tessa share the other with Lizzie and Renée.

Although she’s completely absorbed in coaching duties during the day, Tessa finds herself completely returning to family mode once they leave the ice, glad to have so many people to spend the rest of her time with.

“Daddy says you and him are boyfriend and girlfriend now,” Renée tells her, just as she’s helping her get ready for bed on their second evening all together. Kate and Lizzie are in the bedroom, already settled in for the night, but Renée’s decided she wants to stay up as long as Tessa will let her.

Tessa laughs a little, having wondered how his kids might react to the shift in their relationship. She knows Scott’s talked to them about their relationship, but hadn’t been sure how it would come up this week. She pauses fixing Renée’s hair, setting the brush down in front of the vanity mirror. “Yeah, we are,” Tessa answers. “Is that okay?” she asks, her expression hopeful.

Renée nods, smiling a little bashfully. “It’s nice,” she says, like she’s trying to be extra grown-up right now. When she smiles like that with pink cheeks it makes her freckles that much warmer, and Tessa feels exactly that way right now.

“I think so too. And this means you and me are special friends now, too, right? You and your brothers. Your Daddy isn’t the only one who’s really important to me, you know.” She emphasizes this by pointing her finger gently at Renée’s shoulder.

“I know,” Renee giggles. “I like it when you and Lizzie come,” she tells her. “So does Daddy, he always says.”

“Does he?” Tessa says, lifting her eyebrows. “Well you know, I really like that too, and so does Lizzie. And Lizzie talks about you all the time, she loves having a big girl like you as her friend,” she tells her, so very, very delighted.

Renée nods, and then it’s like she’s moved on already. “Can we read a story now?” she asks, like they haven’t just had an important relationship-altering conversation.

“Yes, sweetheart, of course.” Kate and Lizzie’s half of the room is already dark, with sounds of light snoring coming from their bed. Renée’s been sharing with Lizzie this week, but Tessa doesn’t have the heart to disturb her mother if she’s already nodded off, too, so she settles in her big bed with Renée and they ready quietly together, one story and then a second. The girl’s asleep in a matter of minutes.

On the last day, Ravi and Anna take gold as expected, looking confident and injury-free, and she can practically feel the relieved energy radiating off of Scott at the results. Just as they’d hoped, their time off over the holidays had done them well, and with another month of focussed efforts they should be ready to take on the Olympics in Albertville. They’ve earned every bit of confidence Canada has in them now.

By the second night their dinner is a relaxed one, a big group table at a local bistro. Tessa sits between Renée and Aidan, while Scott’s surrounded by Max and Aidan at the other end of the table. She’s spent so many dinners like this with them, at so many family events and other competitions, but this feels more important now. Like it’s a trial run for future events - their future family, together. And what’s even more amazing is how the kids don’t seem to find any of it out of the ordinary, because in so many ways it isn’t.

 

*

Although it had been the right decision, travelling to the Olympics without their families with them this time, Scott starts the trip feeling only the regretful side of it. It’s just not quite the same, especially when he thinks back to four years ago, having all of them together in Calgary - Christine, and the kids, and Sarah, and his parents and brothers - everyone.

It’s made even harder when he wakes up on their first full day there, almost a week before the opening ceremonies. It’s a day that falls on the worst anniversary Scott has ever needed to mark. He wasn’t sure how much to talk about it in advance with his kids, even, just that he’d told them he’d call them that day, no matter what else was happening in his schedule. And Sarah had told him she’d planned to visit them that weekend in Toronto, so they’ll have her as well as his mother and father who are looking after them in his absence.

“I’m here, today, if you want me to be,” Tessa tells him when they wake up. It’s so early, still dark, but of course she can feel that he’s awake. He doesn’t know if it’s redundant to even say that much out loud, either, but he’s glad she’s making sure.

He nods, quickly, vanishing any worries she might have had. “Yes,” is all he says. “Please.”

“Tell me what you need,” she says. “Whatever you need,” she adds, her voice low but insistent.

Scott shifts closer to her, wrapping her in his arms. “I need…” he swallows, his voice still a little rough from sleep. “I need to call the kids later. After the morning meetings.”

“Of course,” Tessa nods back. They both know that already. He knows she wants to give him as much space as he needs, today - or as little, if that’s how it turns out.

“But maybe we can just stay like this for a little while,” he says, before taking a long breath in, and then out again. “Right now can I just hold you? For a bit longer.”

He doesn’t need to ask that, and he knows she knows that, too. But he also knows she’s going to give him all the space and choice he needs today.

“Of course, Scott,” she says again. She moves one hand up along his chest, feeling the muscle beneath. “As long as you want.”

Scott holds her even closer to him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she rests it on his chest. He can feel her heartbeat next to his skin. He takes in another breath and inhales the scent of her so close, surrounding him. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of being able to hold her so close like this.  

A little while later they rise, starting the day with purpose and care. They won’t have practice time yet until the afternoon, so they busy themselves with other necessary tasks, responding to media inquiries and discovering the lay of the land at the Olympic village and training facilities.

As soon as it’s a reasonable time for them to call home, they head back to their hotel room, ready to make the call.

Scott’s mother and Sarah talk with him for a few minutes, and it’s a good conversation. But it’s really his kids he wants, and after another moment they set up the three of them with the tablet to let them talk to their dad, Alma and Sarah on either side of them on the couch. Once their faces fill the little screen on his phone he’s immediately settled again, seeing them all together in the same frame.

Scott tells them he loves them, and he misses them a lot this week. He asks them if they remember what today is and they nod, sniffling a little. Max is on one side, Alma’s hand at his back, and Joe on her other side. Then Aidan in the middle, fidgeting a little. He can see Renée sitting next to Sarah and holding hand, just like she used to, and his heart reaches out to all of them so much more.

He asks them about their plans for the day - it’s a Sunday, so he knows they’ll have some activities planned anyway, but he wants to let them tell him all about it. And they do, talking about how they’ll go to the zoo with their Aunt Sarah. Scott asks if they want to say anything about their mom, and they do, one at a time. Renée cries a little, first, and by the end of it they are all crying a little. He’s so grateful his parents and Sarah are there with them.  

When he finishes the call he sees that Tessa’s inched closer to him, too, not unlike the way Alma and Sarah had settled next to his children on the other end of the line. She’s close enough he could have almost just reached out a hand to her the whole time. Now she’s looking at him with such love, and something like pride, he thinks. She puts out a hand to him as she comes to sit next to him and he takes it, before wrapping her in his arms once more.

 

*

The first couple of days after arriving in Albertville had taken a bit of settling in - certainly for Scott, feeling the absence of his children on such a significant anniversary - but also for Anna who responded much worse to the jetlag than she usually does. But gradually everyone starts to settle in a bit more, and by the third day their practice time is going well.

Tessa finds her nerves starting to get the better of her, for reasons she can’t rationally explain. After a little while it occurs to her that this is the first time she’s seen the Olympics from specifically this side of things - she’s been a competitor three times, and a commentator twice, but never a coach. It makes her feel privileged, and grateful, in an entirely new way. Being on the coaching side of the boards this time makes her feel a different kind of responsibility, and focus, but at the same time a new kind of freedom.

As they prepare to walk in the parade she pulls on the red and white gear and something soars in her, remembering the other times she’s done this. She and Scott walk together in the opening ceremonies, side by side and hand in hand. From their spot towards the back of the assembled team she can see Anna and Ravi, closer to the front with the other figure skaters, and a few more Toronto and Montreal area athletes. She looks on at the two of them walking together as though they’re in their own little world - waving to the crowd and smiling, but always returning their focus to one another. It makes her turn back to Scott, who already only has eyes for Tessa.

“Stop that,” she says, blushing irrationally. She looks out into the crowd again, waving with her free hand.

“Stop what?” he returns innocently. “I love you, that means I get to look at you and adore you whenever I want.” He lets go of her hand in favour of wrapping his arm around her, or at least as close as he can get while they’re in their big red and white winter coats.

Tessa can’t help grinning back. The truth is she’s thought the same thing about him more than once, and very recently at that. She leans in and lets him hold her as they walk. She’s lost track of where Marie-France and Patrice are in the pack, and wonders briefly if they might be walking a little behind her and Scott, looking at them with fond nostalgia just as they’ve been doing with Anna and Ravi.

She can remember all of the other Olympic parades they’ve marched in, with amazing clarity. It feels in many ways like they all happened only last week, and at the same time as though they happened in another world altogether. She just soaks it all in, letting the roar of the crowd and the excitement of the team fill her up. Then, almost in an instant, they come to a halt as the team reaches their final position and awaits the remaining throngs.

“I’m so proud to be here with you Scott,” she says, holding him again. “I never...I’m just so proud,” she repeats, so much emotion filling her up.

He leans in and kisses her cheek soundly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “You stole my line, kiddo,” he tells her, just loudly enough for her to hear.

 

*

The team skating event starts off well, as Anna and Ravi skate a clean rhythm dance program and build some good momentum from it. Before the games, Scott had cautioned Anna and Ravi about exerting themselves too much, but they’d been relentless in insisting they wanted to skate their programs for both events. As veteran Canadian champions they took the responsibility seriously, and they understood just as well as Scott and Tessa that both the women’s and men’s portions were likely to be divided across two skaters each, leaving the pair and ice dance teams to shoulder more of the team coverage.

Scott still had reservations about it even after they’d landed in Albertville, but he does his best not to let them show, as the team event proceeds. Tessa seems to get it, though. She’s listened to him express his worries, even as he’s tried to hold them back when in Anna and Ravi’s company.

“They had two strong skates at Nationals, remember?” she nudges him the next day, as they wait at the boards during the team free dance warm-ups. “No new injuries, no new flare-ups. They trust themselves, Scott,” she adds, speaking a little more softly now.

He’s nodding. “I know. And I trust them, too,” he says, truthfully. He can’t fully explain why he’s so nervous, so protective of them all of a sudden. But he is, and he’s grateful Tessa’s here with him and being so steady. If she’s holding onto any nerves herself she’s doing a good job of hiding it.

“Let’s enjoy this part, okay?” she tells him. “They’re beautiful skaters, and this is almost their swan song.” He looks over at her and sees she’s watching the two of them skate around the ice, preparing to practice a lift. For a moment he follows her gaze, watching as Anna and Ravi execute a perfect straight-line lift from the second half of their free program.

“I know,” he repeats. He’s thinking, and about to say something more, but instead he lets it all go. He gives in and reminds himself that she’s right, because of course she is. The truth is he’s not feeling quite ready to let go of his star team, and he’s doing a poor job of showing his confidence in them. He looks back at Tessa and smiles. “You’re right,” he tells her. “I know I’m going to miss watching them skate like this.”

She smiles back at him, matching his warm expression. “I will too,” she says, taking his hand.

Then he feels her lean in and press a quick kiss on his cheek, and he warms instantly, sure that he must be blushing all of a sudden.

In the end the team event finishes well. Anna and Ravi put down two clean skates, as does the pairs team. Neither of the single skaters produce an entirely clean program, but both sets of scores are good enough to boost the team to a silver medal finish. Scott and Tessa beam as part of the coaching squad, cheering loudly from the sidelines as the team receive their medals. They know everyone expects Anna and Ravi to finish with bronze in the individual events, so he’s glad they’ll get to home with a silver medal to their names as well.

The team event is followed by a hyper-vigilant round of drug testing, which Scott grumbles at, but Anna and Ravi seem to take in stride. There had been a few speed skaters who tested positive on the first day of the games and now it seems all ice sports are getting extra scrutiny as a result. Waiting now for their rhythm dance warm-ups, Ravi just shakes his head at the whole process and Anna straightens her posture with determination, more focussed on running through their final mental prep.

Their warm-up group is called and Scott claps hands on both their shoulders as he and Tessa offer some boosting words, before helping them with their coats and skate guards. As they take the ice Tessa watches them with confidence, nodding as they run through one of their signature lifts with perfect execution. In the last couple of minutes he notices her gaze lingering a little on Italians, the favoured silver medal team.

“What is it?” he says, looking for what she’s looking for.

“Oh, probably nothing, just...those are some different costumes than what they had in the team competition,” she says, and now that she points it out he does think they look a little heavier on the trim than most of the others. It reminds him a little of the outfits that were more popular in the eighties.

“Huh. In a bad way?” he asks.

“Not necessarily,” she says. “It’s...not the direction I would have gone with. I like the streamlined look Anna and Ravi have.” Tessa shrugs it off with a smile and so does he, and then soon the warm up is concluding and they’re readying for the final flight to start.

Anna and Ravi are the third team to skate out of the group, second-last overall. Tessa and Scott talk with them before they skate and exchange final words as the team just before them awaits their scores.

“You don’t need me to tell you how awesome you guys are going to skate, but I’m going to anyway,” Scott says, putting one hand out to each of them. “You’re going have the best skate of your lives, and then tomorrow you’re going to have the _next_ best skate of your lives, and I’m pretty sure you guys know that too,” he adds with a wink. They both beam back at him, radiating confidence in a way that’s infectious. All the earlier butterflies he’d felt suddenly dissolve.

“We are,” Anna says, the more talkative one tonight. “We’re going to skate like it’s for gold, because for us it might as well be,” she says, looking back at Ravi now, who’s looking at her like she’s the only other person who matters in the world. “The team skate was for everyone, maybe, but I think this time is for us.”

“It is,” Tessa says, smiling at both of them. “You deserve this skate, and you’ve got this,” she nods decisively.

And they do. They step on the ice a few moments later and skate maybe the best foxtrot that Scott has ever seen, not just from them but from anyone - it’s light and quick and their lift in the end is absolutely flawless. They finish exactly on cue and the stadium erupts in applause immediately.

The scores come in and are not only a personal best, but are enough to put them strongly into second place, six points behind the Americans. They’re pleased, and expect to end the rhythm dance in third place once the Italian team skates last.

They watch, then, as the Italians perform their own foxtrot. It’s a strong skate, right up until the final minute when there seems to be something distracting them. Scott watches them carefully and thinks whatever it is might have been enough to cost them at least a point when their lift is extended. He glances at Tessa who’s watching them just as closely, and looks back at Scott with an unreadable expression on her face.

When the scores come up it turns out they’re marked down not just on the lift but for a costume deduction - their distraction had resulted when a piece of beading had loosened from her dress and fallen onto the ice. In the end, Anna and Ravi finish only two points behind the second-ranked team in the world, narrowing the gap much, much closer than what they had expected.

He looks at Tessa as the final scores are posted on the board and this time he’s not confused at all about what she’s thinking, because it’s the exact same thing he’s thinking, too.

“Scott, Anna and Ravi have _got this,”_  she says, with what he knows is a silver-medal glint in her eye.

The next day, that turns out to be exactly right.

Once again Anna and Ravi skate second-last in the flight, but this time they’re just after the Italians and ahead of the final skate from the expected Gold-medallist Americans.

And once again, something seems to happen to throw the Italian team off their mark. While Anna and Ravi choose not to watch their competitors skate, Scott looks on amazed as they navigate a stumble halfway through their step sequence. It’s enough to knock a couple of points off of their score, and he and Tessa exchange a glance knowing that Anna and Ravi could now easily close the gap with a flawless skate.

And then, that’s exactly what they do. Scott stands right next to Tessa as they perform, realizing that he’s reached for her hand only after he feels her squeeze his. He watches as they deliver an excellent twizzle sequence, and one perfectly executed lift after another. By the time the last few seconds is upon them he finds himself hardly able to contain himself, and he’s already applauding along with the crowd by the time they strike their final pose. Before he knows it he’s thrown his arms around Tessa, years of effort and training with his team telescoping all at once into this moment.

“They did it, Scott,” she says, sounding just as excited as he feels.

They sit with Anna and Ravi as, sure enough, their silver medal scores come in. Ravi grasps Anna in his arms and practically throws her in the air as the crowd roars in celebration for them.

Then the four of them embrace together in a group hug. It may be a silver medal instead of the bronze everyone had expected would happen, but just like Anna had said the day before, it feels exactly like gold.

*

At the beginning of the season, it hadn’t been a foregone conclusion that Anna and Ravi would compete at Worlds, even before their silver medal finish at the Olympics. No one would have questioned them if they had decided to sit it out, especially since the Olympics would have served quite well as their last competition before retiring.

But mercifully Worlds comes later in March this year, enough to give them a good month to catch their breath and refine their preparations. And they both liked the idea of seeing their last season through right to the very last possible skate, not to mention a chance to prove to the world that their Olympic silver medal finish wasn’t a fluke. They could very well repeat the silver medal this time in Barcelona, or even aim for gold since the American team who took gold won’t be competing.

Despite Anna struggling once more with extended travel fatigue, they seem to find their feet again and Tessa’s heard Scott ruminating on how the time between the Olympics and Worlds has been good for them. They seem lighter, a little less like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. The rhythm dance goes well, a solid repeat of their Olympic performance. They end three points behind the Italians now in first place. They’re holding onto some nervous tension over some lightly reworked parts of their free dance, but Scott keeps insisting they could probably skate it with their eyes closed and still take home a medal, and Tessa thinks he’s not entirely wrong about that.

All in all all four of them end the rhythm dance pleased, albeit less so when Anna and Ravi are pulled away along with several other teams for last-minute drug testing.

“It must be some kind of carryover vigilance from the Olympics,” Tessa tells them both as they’re about to be taken off for testing. “Don’t let it get to you.”

“We won’t,” Anna says, nodding as Ravi heads in first. “Should we wait for you later? I’m sure it will be fine.”

“Of course it will be fine,” Tessa says. “But I can still stay if you want.”

“It’s okay,” Anna reassures her. “I know Scott’s talking to that new American team,” she says with a wink. “You should go with him, he’ll need your opinion too.”

Tessa smiles, glad to hear her saying that. It’s true that Scott’s been scouting around for teams that could be looking for a new home, and there are a few new teams that are good candidates. Personally she’s been keen on the young Spanish team, already showing great promise as they finish their first year on the senior circuit. But there’s no getting around the fact that he’s looking for Anna and Ravi’s replacements, and Tessa hates thinking about it like that. She’s glad to know they don’t feel anything strange about it.

She leans in and kisses Anna’s cheek. “Message me when you’re all done, okay? And we’ll see you bright and early for final practice tomorrow morning.”

“You absolutely will,” says Anna, embracing her right back. “And we are closing that three point gap,” she adds, determinedly.

Tessa outright grins back at her. “You _will_ ,” she tells her. “I can’t wait to watch you do it.”

She waves Anna off just as Scott returns to her side, a little disappointed to have missed their conversation. He catches her up on plans to meet with the young American team later, and she makes a point of talking to him about the Spaniards as well. After a little while they get messages from both Anna and Ravi, confirming they are all clear for banned substances. They confirm they’ll find Tessa and Scott in the morning for the shuttle to the practice rink as planned, and leave it at that.

“What do you think, T?” Scott asks her later as they’re getting ready for sleep. “You and me, the next generation of senior dancers?”

Tessa laughs a little, looking at her reflection as she finishes her evening toilette. “That sounds a lot like you’ve already got plans for 2034,” she says, and then lets out a long sigh. “Oh God, how is that even a year that’s real? I don’t know how it’s all gone by so fast sometimes.”

“Fast? Oh no, I think you mean instantaneous. There’s days I’d swear we were just on that Vancouver podium like, a second ago.”

Her own smile reflects back at her from the mirror as she listens to him. “You’re not wrong about that.” There are days when she’s amazed that twenty years have passed since then. Whenever she thinks about it too long it feels like the world has completely shifted beneath her feet. She turns out the bathroom light and steps out into the bedroom, pulling off her sweatshirt before joining him under the covers.

“You didn’t answer my question, though,” he says, wrapping his arm around her.

“Didn’t I?” she says, letting out a yawn. Suddenly the fatigue of the last few days settles on her, like she could fall asleep right away if she just closed her eyes. A yawn escapes her as she leans against him.

“I mean about coaching,” Scott says, a little softer. “Without you, I never would have made it this far with these guys, T. Hell, if things go right, they might even get a World gold medal tomorrow. You have to know it’s because of you just as much as me.”

“What a nice thought that is,” Tessa answers, feeling warm and suddenly very humbled. “I think they’re a strong team, and you’re an awesome coach, and if being along for the ride this last year has helped them, then…yes,” she adds finally. “I’d like to keep doing that with you. I would, truly. Maybe…” she starts, then stops, a thought forming in her mind that’s not something she’s actually said to Scott about out loud before, though she’s thought it to herself several times.

“Maybe what?” he asks, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She takes in a breath and lets it out again. Her cheek is pressed against his chest and she’s so warm and comfortable right now. “Maybe...maybe that would be easier if we lived in the same place,” she says finally, so easily it surprises even her.

Just then she feels Scott startle, his body stiffening underneath her. “ _Tess_ ,” he starts, his arms wrapping around her even more tightly than before.

Tessa lifts her head, opening her eyes again to look at his face, so hopeful and amazed all of a sudden. There’s a part of her that thinks it should probably be harder to bring this up, that talking about moving in together should be a whole _thing_ , a drawn out conversation with pros and cons lists, and decisions and bargaining. And maybe they’ll still do all of that. But just now all she knows is what she feels, what she sees now that she’s probably been feeling for a while - there’s no forward path together that doesn’t involve them living together. There shouldn’t be, not if they’re truly serious about each other.

And she is serious about him - being with him, working with him, loving him in every way she can. She puts her hand on his cheek, just gazing back at him with a gentle smile on her face.  “It’s true isn’t it?” she asks him. “So many things would be easier.”

Scott blinks, breathing in and out like he’s trying to decide how to answer. “Just easier, or…” he swallows. “Or is it what you really want?” He shakes his head. “Because I don’t want to talk about this unless it’s something you really want.”

Tessa brushes her hand on his cheek again and then just leans in, kissing his lips long and gently. She feels his hands flatten against her body, pressing her to him. “I do want it,” she tells him. “I think I’ve wanted it for a while now, I just...it took me a second to really admit it to myself.”

He kisses her again, quickly and deep. “Tess, that’s...that’s _all_ I could want. Honestly just to have you with me, you _and_ Lizzie together, I…” he stops, swallowing again.

All she can do is nod. “Me too,” she says, sparing him from trying to finish his sentence. She feels the same way. “Maybe let’s figure out the details when we’re home and a little more awake...but yeah,” she adds softly. “I want all of us together too.”

“Oh man, I can’t _wait_ to get home now,” he says, hugging her to him again. He kisses her again on her cheek and then her temple, before falling back against the pillows.

She leans against him once more, smoothing her hand along his chest, and then his shoulder. They still have to get Anna and Ravi their medal tomorrow, and conclude their meetings, and everything else that comes with the conclusion of the season. But she can’t help but agree with him.

“Me too,” she says, sinking into his arms and feeling loved and surrounded by so much promise. “Me too.”

 

*

They both rise early the next morning, taking breakfast in their room while checking in at home and reassuring their families that they’ll see them in just a few days, this time for a good while before they travel again. It’s a sunny day, warm enough that outside the hotel it almost feels like summer already.

They finish up breakfast and get ready, making sure they have plenty of time get the shuttle over to the practice rink for their final session this morning. Scott’s ready first, and with a glance at his watch he decides to go down to the lobby for coffees from the latte bar.

“You’re a godsend,” Tessa says, turning to him from her place at the mirror, so grateful. The room coffee had been drinkable but she’s definitely not going to turn down something better.

“Vanilla latte for the lady, coming up,” Scott confirms with a mock salute. “You think the guys will want anything? Ravi’s been doing less caffeine lately I think,” he says, thinking.

“I think they’ll be happy you’ve thought of them,” she says. “And there’s every chance I’ll drink it if they don’t.”

He laughs, and kisses her on the cheek before ducking out.

Tessa’s just finishing her hair when she gets a text from Anna asking if she can drop by their room. She messages her back right away to say of course, and then a moment later she hears the knock.

When she opens the door Anna smiles a little, looking a little pale. She’s dressed for practice and tidied her hair, but hasn’t put on any makeup yet. Tessa wonders suddenly if she’s slept very well, and immediately starts a catalog of questions in her mind about what could be wrong. Not that anything is necessarily wrong, but they hadn’t made plans to meet up before the shuttle, and when she’d left Anna last night everything had seemed fine.

“Come in,” she says brightly, and Anna does. They sit together in the cozy pair of armchairs by the window. Tessa always thinks what a shame it is they’re never in their hotel rooms long enough to use the chairs like this. “Scott’s just downstairs, he’ll be back up in a few minutes with coffees, I know he’ll have one for you too,” she says, trying some reassuring small talk to start.

Instead she’s surprised when Anna immediately bursts into tears, then lifts one hand to cover her face. Tessa reaches out right away to clutch at her other hand, more alarmed now. Anna’s never been one to hide her emotions from the team but she’s seemed to be just fine all week. The whole last couple of months, really. And it doesn’t seem like a repeat of NHK, she’s not moving like there’s an injury.

“Oh, Anna,” Tessa starts, squeezing her hand. “Has something happened? What do you need? It’s not your hip this time is it? Or...” Her words trail off. Once again she wonders if either she or Ravi slept very much since she saw them last since the drug testing yesterday, if it might be some news about their family or, more inconceivably, they might have had a fight. She wonders if it’s her dad, she knows he’s had health issues recently. Tessa wishes Scott hadn’t left, she wonders if his brand of fatherly protectiveness would be helpful to have in the room right now. But eventually Anna nods and starts to settle a bit, wiping at her eyes.

She moves her hand to squeeze Anna’s shoulder. “Here, let’s just take a minute, okay? I think there’s some tissues over here.” She looks around the room and quickly goes to pull a few from the box on the desk. Anna takes one and dabs at her eyes. “It’s okay, Anna,” she says again, giving the younger woman some room to compose herself. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”

Anna blows her nose, already looking a little steadier. “I know. I’m sorry, I thought I would be fine this morning, we said we would just concentrate on getting to practice and finishing our skate tonight like we planned, and we’d go from there.”

“What’s happened, honey?” Tessa’s already started on a couple of guesses but the last thing she wants to do is put words in her mouth.

Anna takes a deep breath and lets it out again. “We had the drug screening last night, and it was all clear, _obviously_ ,” she adds pointedly. “But then the medic called me back again and she told me they noticed something else in my blood levels and they had me do another test, and it turns out…” she swallows and takes in another breath. “It turns out I’m pregnant,” she says finally.

“Anna!” Tessa says, putting one hand over hers again. It was one of the things she had started to suspect. “That’s such big news. How are you feeling about it?” Anna clasps her other hand in Tessa’s free one, and when she smiles it’s enough to tell Tessa that it’s a happy event for her. For the moment the competition and the ice are forgotten. Tessa lets go of her hands and comes to puts her arms around Anna, sitting next to her on the edge of the big chair. The younger woman sinks willingly into the embrace. “Oh, congratulations, honey,” she tells her, her surprise giving way to pure joy for her.

“I just had no idea about it,” Anna says, her voice a little muffled. “They said I’m probably six weeks along, if I hadn’t done the drug screening I might not have noticed until way after we got home.”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you,” Tessa tells her, completely truthful. “Am I right that you’re happy too?” she asks as they pull apart again.

Anna nods quickly. “Yes, oh yes definitely.” She smiles again, wiping underneath her eyes. “So is Ravi. I know he doesn’t tend to show off a lot about things like that,” she says, her expression gentle. “But he is, I promise. We both knew we wanted this at some point, we just thought... maybe in another couple of years once we’d done our touring and Ravi’s chosen the law school he wants.”

“It’s a lot to take in,” Tessa nods. “Is it...is it just the shock of it all?” she asks. “Or are you nervous about skating?” She shakes her head. “Because you’re so early right now, everything’s as protected as it can be, truly.” Tessa mostly just wants to make sure she knows where Anna’s stress is coming from, if she can help her at all. She keeps holding one of her hands, and it makes Tessa wonder more about whether she’s included anyone else yet in her news.

“I think a little of both of those things,” Anna nods again. “But that’s what I said to Ravi last night, too, that it’s so early and if I hadn’t known about it there would be no question about us skating tonight.” She smiles again, knowing and soft. “He was so happy about it at first. And then once it started to sink in he just got so nervous. He kept asking if we should pull out now, but I don’t want to do that,” she shakes her head. “By the time we went to sleep he’d come around, but now he’s not sure again, like he’s convinced he’ll drop me when he’s never done that in his _life_ ,” she says with absolute certainty. Tessa quirks a half smile, thinking about how much pride Scott always took in being able to say the same thing. “So now I don’t know what to think,” Anna finishes, her eyes shimmering again.

“You wouldn’t be the first figure skater to skate while pregnant, you know,” Tessa says, and then names a few women, including Marie-France, who have done it while training or on tour. “It’s just very rare for it to be during competition.” She pauses for a second, thinking. “At least, that we know of.” She wonders now if it’s happened without anyone knowing.

“I hadn’t thought of it that,” Anna says, her expression brightening more now.

“You’re healthy, you’re still in Olympic shape, and there’s no reason you can’t have the skate you want tonight.” Tessa lets out a breath and squeezes her hand. “But it’s your call. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” she says decisively.

She finds herself blinking at some emotion of her own, suddenly thinking back to those years before Vancouver, having to close off so much of her world,her health, to everyone else watching from the outside. And then to the excitement and nervousness of how it had felt when she’d learned she was expecting Lizzie. And then, too, what it felt like when she and Scott had won in Korea and had so many eyes on them all at once, everyone speculating and guessing at their lives. She can only guess at Anna’s combination of feelings right now but if it’s anything like those three things combined, quite frankly she’s impressed. Anna would have every right to feel _more_ distressed right now.

“I know. And I think we still want to skate. I know I do. It’s just been...an eventful twelve hours,” she says, laughing a little now.

“You can say that again,” Tessa says, laughing a little too. “Have...have you told anyone else? Your parents?”

Anna shakes her head, blinking. “We want to call them tonight, after it’s all done. I know they’ll be so happy, but I just don’t want to give them another reason to worry,” she says, her voice wobbling a little. “I want them to watch us and just be excited like it’s a normal competition like always.” Tessa knows Anna’s parents had elected not to travel to this competition due to her father’s health, though they’d been there in the stands for the Olympics the previous month. And Ravi’s parents had had to focus their time away on the Olympics as well, as much as they’d regretted not being present for their last Worlds.  

“I can tell you right now they’ll still worry about you either way, even if it’s just a normal competition.” Tessa says with a sympathetic smile. “That’s what parents do. But you don’t have to say anything to anyone, yet, not if you don’t want to. It’s your news, and your family, and you get to choose.”

“I’m glad to have told you,” Anna says, smiling easily now. “I couldn’t have kept this to myself, I just...I couldn’t have done it, I’ve been all over the place since last night. I don’t even know how I’m going to get through the program tonight.”

Tessa waves a hand, practically dismissing her uncertainty outright. “Muscle memory. Scott wasn’t entirely lying yesterday when he said you could skate clean with your eyes closed.”

It’s at that moment when Scott’s key sounds in the lock and he walks in, a tray of coffees in his hand. “Hey, look who I found in the lobby,” he says, and nods at Ravi just behind him, both of them looking somehow serious and happy at the same time. He puts the coffees down on the desk and steps over towards them, but letting Ravi go ahead first.

Anna stands up immediately, putting her arms around her husband, and Ravi hugs her back.

“Tessa knows,” Anna tells him. “You told Scott too?” she guesses, and Ravi nods. She unwraps herself from Ravi’s arms and moves towards Scott next. He kisses her cheek and hugs her warmly.

“Congratulations, sweetheart,” Scott tells Anna, and Tessa warms at his use of that term. She knows he works so hard at being friendly but professional with them - ‘ _I_ ' _m not their dad, T,’_ he’s said so many times. “I’m so happy for you guys. I know this probably wasn’t part of your retirement plan just yet, but it’s wonderful news.”

“Thank you,” Anna blushes. “It’s been a bit of a shock, but we’re so happy too.”

Tessa comes to stand next to Scott as Anna returns to Ravi’s side, too.

“Scott says we can still do everything as planned.” Ravi says to his wife, holding her hand. “But we can talk to the med team some more if we’re not sure.”

“He’s right,” Tessa says. And all of a sudden she can’t stop smiling, and when she looks over at Scott again she realizes he’s got a similar expression on his face, too. He’s looking at them with such pride. It occurs to her then that their larger challenge might be just keeping their team’s news under wraps until after they get home. But they’ll manage all of it - more than manage it. A few extra smiles on the podium never hurt anyone.

Anna looks up at Ravi then, just beaming. Ravi smiles back and laughs a little, his expression matching hers. “We’ll be good,” he says, and then Anna just wraps her arms around his waist, halfway to laughing.

Ravi hugs her back and then Scott just reaches both arms around all of them, pulling them together from their separate huddles into a tight group hug. “I’m proud of you guys. You’re going to be amazing,” he tells them. And Tessa knows he doesn’t just mean the skating.

That night, in the end, they finish with gold.

 

*

All of them end up flying home two days later once the gala concludes, a full day earlier than they’d originally anticipated - Anna and Ravi want to get back as soon as they can to properly adjust to their news and talk to their families, so Tessa and Scott get their flights bumped up, too. They part ways in the terminal, with another round of hugs and congratulations. Scott embrace start Ravi, exuberantly clapping his hand on his shoulder in a last goodbye for a short while. He glances over and sees Tessa holding Anna so closely, a damp smile on Anna’s face.

He pulls away from Ravi but keeps one hand on his shoulder.

“We’ll see you guys at the club in a couple of weeks. Take whatever time you feel like, okay? Get a vacation. You’ve more than earned it.” From what they’ve said so far he knows they’re still planning to fulfil their Stars on Ice commitments in April and May, before taking some time off. But even without their news they would still have needed a rest after finishing out their year, and he’s glad they’re taking a bit of time.

Ravi’s smile is understanding. “We will, I promise we will.” He glances over at Anna, who’s still exchanging conversation with Tessa, their words quiet but clearly meaningful. Then he looks back at Scott. “We honestly can’t thank you enough, for everything,” he says, and then pauses, struggling with what to say next. Scott’s humbled to see him getting choked up - he’s always been more likely to be the strong silent type - and suddenly Scott finds himself doing the same. He swallows, and gives Ravi’s shoulder a squeeze.

“It’s the two of you that have done the work,” Scott says. “I couldn’t have asked for a better team to work with, honestly.” It’s only now that he’s saying these things that he fully realizes that they’ve come to the end of the line together. Certainly, Anna and Ravi might still tour in the next few years, and the Cricket Club will always be there when they need it - and so will Scott. But he’s finished being their coach now.

Ravi leans in and hugs Scott again. “Thank you again. And we’ll be in touch, you can count on it.”

“Don’t be a stranger,” he tells him.

“We won’t be,” he hears Anna’s voice answer on Ravi’s behalf. He lets Ravi go once more, only to turn to Anna instead. She’s got a beaming smile on her face, the same one that’s been there for the last few days straight.

Scott leans in to kiss her on the cheek and then put his arms around her. He’s gentle at first but then Anna squeezes him so tightly, and he can’t help but reciprocate. He watches as Tessa exchanges a similar embrace with Ravi. It’s a hard thing, trying to describe the kind of affection he feels for Ravi and Anna both. He’s not their father, or their uncle, or even their brother. He’s been their mentor for years but now that word feels incomplete.

“I’m just so proud of you guys,” he tells Anna, once more this week. “And very, very happy, for both of you,” he says, pulling away. Anna has tears still clinging to her cheeks. He wonders again what she and Tessa talked about, but thinks maybe he doesn’t need to ask. Glancing at Ravi over her shoulder he can see the younger man beaming. Tessa releases him and he slips into place next to Anna, their arms falling around each other’s waists.

And then they part ways, Anna and Ravi towards their flight home to their families in Montreal, and Scott and Tessa towards theirs in Ontario. Towards their families, and the future, and an entire new world of possibility.

*

The flight turns out to be an easy one, and Scott’s glad to be seated with Tessa, reminiscent of so many other journeys they’ve taken together. Fleetingly he wonders how many more Olympics they’ll spend together - how long their coaching career will span, or whether she’ll be pulled away to other pursuits again. For now he lets himself enjoy the afterglow of such a successful games.

Tessa dozes off not long after the meal service concludes, but Scott finds himself too restless to sleep, thinking about so many things. Eventually he takes up the paperback novel he’d brought with him and only managed to read a page and a half of while they were in France. The plane is quiet, and he gets almost a hundred pages into it when he hears Tessa again next to him.

“If it’s a girl they could name her Olympia,” she says, her voice soft like she’s in the middle of a train of thought, about Anna and Ravi.

He puts aside his book and leans closer to her. “You think?” he laughs a little. “That might be a little on the nose.”

Tessa chuckles, too. “Maybe. But eventually I think people will probably figure it out it’s an Olympic baby.” She’s not wrong about that, Scott thinks. He wonders whether they’ll announce anything, or just wait until after their spring tour and just let the news come out in its own course - he knows he’d choose the latter, if it were him, but it’s not. He lets out a breath, thinking about what a hectic time they’ll have ahead of them, but also how wonderful. “He or she could end up sharing Lizzie’s birthday,” Tessa says excitedly, clearly having done the math in her own head.

“That’s true,” he agrees, nodding. “If it was mid-February, then…Yeah, that’s about right I guess,” he finishes, his voice gentle. He feels Tessa’s hand come to rest on his, squeezing. He turns his hand to fit inside hers, lacing their fingers together.

“What a bizarre world this is sometimes,” she says, exhaling a breath. She leans closer to him as well as she can.

For a few minutes they sink back into the quiet, the almost-darkness of the plane surrounding them. Tessa’s not wrong about that, either. A year ago he wouldn’t have guessed he’d be where he is now - with Tessa, with his team, with so many things. But it’s been bizarre and unexpected in the most wonderful ways.

He thinks about Anna and Ravi’s gold medal finish yesterday, at how strong they’d skated. They’d put in so much work over the course of the season that it had been almost easy, by the end. But ultimately he thinks what made it easy was that they’d skated not just with each other but for each other. It’s what always made them connect so easily with the crowds, even back in their earlier years when getting on the podium seemed like such a far away thing. They’d gone into this season putting everything they had into their hopes for bronze, and the universe had reached out and rewarded them with silver and gold instead. _They’re going to be just fine_ , he thinks.

“What are you thinking about, over there?” Tessa squeezes his hand a little. “You look like you’re sad and happy all at once.”

“I guess I am,” he says. “Mostly happy, though, I promise.”

She nods. “Good. I am too.”

He looks over at her again, remembering their words from a couple of nights before, the promise she’d offered him. In the whirlwind of the last couple of days he’d all but forgotten it, but now his mind can’t help but return to it now that it’s just the two of them together again.

“So, that conversation from the other night,” he starts. “You still sure about that? About...moving in?”

Tessa nods again, her expression content and so, so sure. “I’m sure.”

Scott grins, his breath escaping him in a half-formed laugh. “Yeah?”

“ _Yes_ , Scott,” she says, mirroring his tone even as she tries to reassure him. “If we’re going to do this - be together for real - then I don’t want to do it if I don’t get to live with you.” She shakes her head. “If _we_ don’t get to be with all four of _you_ ,” she adds, making it clear she’s talking about their families and not just the two of them.

Hearing it from her again makes him feel like he might gently explode, if such a thing were even possible. He feels fizzy and nervous and happy at the same time. He’s nodding before he realizes he’s doing it, his answer clear before he’s able to put it in words. “I feel the same way, T. I want you in my kids’ lives, I want…” he swallows. “I want them to have you there with them, because they need you too.”

Tessa’s blinking quickly all of a sudden, her eyes shimmering. Scott knows what those words sound like, knows how they’ve talked before about how she would never try to replace their mother, how she could never be Christine. And he would never ask her to try. But he does know Tessa loves his kids, and if what she feels for them is even a fraction of how much he loves Lizzie, then that’s all he needs to know. His kids deserve to have as much love in their lives as he can fit in them.

Scott leans across the armrest to kiss Tessa, and she’s already halfway there to meet him. Her hands frame his face as her lips meet his, insistent and answering. When they part he lets his forehead lean against hers, his hands resting on her arms.

“I want you in Lizzie’s life, too,” she says tearfully. “So much. If she didn’t have you, Scott, I’d…” she stops, her eyes shutting quickly, unable to finish the sentence.

“I feel the same way, Tess,” he says softly. She leans closer into his arms, burying her head against his shoulder. He’s always loved Lizzie, just as he’s always loved Tess - her daughter was always going to be an important part of his life. But ever since he’d watched her come into the world he’d cared about her in such a unique way. And he knows he’s not her father but he can’t help but feel that name is the closest way he can describe what he feels, because what he feels for both of them now is unlike anything else he’d ever imagined.

“She could have a father, you know,” he says softly, almost before he even realizes he’s said it. “She could have _me_ , is what I mean. I...I want that for her,” he adds.

Tessa’s quiet at first, so much that he wonders if he’d spoken his words loud enough to be properly heard. But when she pulls back to look at him, slowly, he can see her eyes are wide, as though fully absorbing what he’s said.

“ _Oh_ ,” she reacts. “Oh, Scott, that’s…” her words trail off, unfinished.

“I think I’ve felt that way for a while, now,” he says, his voice so hopeful. “Maybe for months and months. I just couldn’t find the right way to say it, or the right time. I know that’s not something we’ve talked about and you can tell me if it’s not what you feel, Tess, but I just want you to know that. How much I love her, too.”

Tessa smiles again, happy and wistful. “Lizzie’s never asked about her dad, you know,” she says, and then swallows, shaking her head a little. “I’ve always been waiting for when that day would happen, inevitably, when she would ask why the other kids have dads and she doesn’t,” she tells him, her voice suddenly unsteady. She shrugs a little. “But she never has yet. And I think now, that maybe in some way it’s because she knows she has _you_ ,” she says. “Maybe she doesn’t know precisely how or why, not on that level, but you’re important to her in a way that’s special. She has a relationship with you that’s not like anyone else.”

“Well that’s good,” he blurts out, his voice thick with emotion now too. “Because that’s exactly how I feel about her.”

It’s the best kind of kiss when she presses her lips to his this time, sealing all the words that have just passed between them, confirming so many feelings that have lingered for so long.

 

*

In the week that follows their return from Barcelona, Scott and Tessa make a plan. They expect moving in together will take time but will need to happen over the summer if they’re realistic, and they’ll need to do a little bit of work to prepare Scott’s home to fit a family of six instead of just four. But there’s not going forward if they’re not all on the same page about it, so they decide that before they make it official, Scott needs to make sure it’s something his kids are okay with, too.

“It’s right to ask them, Scott,” Tessa tells him one night on video chat. She’s just gotten Lizzie down for the night and looks like she’s catching up on work at her dining room table. “They need to be okay with this too. Make the family decision while you’re still a family of four, okay?”

“You’re right,” he says. “I know you are. Is it weird that I feel nervous about this? Like it’s a job interview or something.”

She doesn’t laugh it off, because he knows she can tell he’s not entirely joking. But she does offer him a reassuring smile. “I know. If Lizzie were older I’d probably be feeling the same way.”

“Seriously,” he says. Suddenly he feels wistful for the days when his guys were that little, when new experiences didn’t require so many words and explanations. “Is it...Tess, is it..” he stops, thinking.

“What is it, Scott?” her tone is gentle, almost like she knows what he’s going to say next. She’s brought the phone as close as she can, her papers and laptop discarded now.

“Is it weird that I wish I could ask Chris about it?” He blinks, hard. “I wish she could tell me what to say to them.” He knows he can’t talk to Christine any more, at least not in the kind of real, two-way conversation he’s thinking about. But he still wishes he could.

Tessa’s shaking her head, her expression so kind. “It’s not weird at all,” she says.

“I just want them to be happy,” he says, swallowing. It’s something he’s said out loud a lot lately, something he’s heard Tessa say too when it comes to Lizzie.

“Then that’s a good place to start,” Tessa says, in a tone that sounds like it’s advice she’s taken before, too. “And make sure you tell them that, Scott. Make sure they know you love them and you want them to be happy. Because it’s true, and it’s the most important thing.”

“I love you, T,” he says in response.

“I love you too, kiddo,” she tells him. “Call me tomorrow right after, okay? And then I’ll talk to Lizzie and we’ll see you on the weekend.”

“Count on it,” he nods, and blows a kiss to her through the screen before they sign off. He thinks about how soon they’ll have fewer long distance conversations like this and more in-person ones, and that’s all the confirmation he needs to do this.

*

The next day Scott picks up pizza for dinner - three, one of each of their favourites, because he wants to make sure he does this right - he double-checks that none of them are busy with activities that evening, and thinks through what he’ll say to them.

They settle in at the big kitchen table, excited and talking about their days, Ringo hovering obediently, hoping patiently for scraps or ear-scratches. It’s been such a busy winter that this feels like one of the first times in a while when Scott’s gotten to really catch his breath and just be with all three of them like a normal family. They know Scott’s schedule so well, now, after growing up with a figure skating coach for a dad. It’s strange yet reassuring, knowing how well they’ve adjusted to other changes in the past. And how some things just already seem normal to them when to other families it might be something really out of the ordinary.

“So, there’s something important i wanted to talk to you guys about,” he says, once everyone’s eaten something. “It’s big news, okay?”

“Is it good news?” Aidan asks first, his voice sounding worried, like he has to check to make sure first.

“ _Yes_ ,” Scott says right away, hoping suddenly he doesn’t sound otherwise. But he’s right to ask, he thinks, given the kind of news they’ve had to adjust to in the past. “It’s good news, buddy, at least I think it is.”

“What kind of good news, Daddy?” Renée shifts closer to Scott, next to him. Strictly speaking she’s getting too big now for him to hold on his lap anymore, so grown-up now at six years old. But she’s nudged up next to him now like she wants to cuddle him like she used to when she was little.

“You know Tess is really important to me, and all of you are really important to her, too, you know that, right?” Three dusty blond heads nod back at him. “Well, the thing is, me and Tess love each other, a lot. And she loves all of you a lot, too.”

“You guys are boyfriend and girlfriend now, you said,” Renée points out, as though what Scott’s saying is already obvious to them.

“Yeah, we are,” he says, laughing a little. Those names had always felt a little odd, describing the two of them, but he hadn't known how else to say it. “And, well, we’ve been feeling that way for a long time, and we’ve been feeling sad that we don’t live in the same place with each other. So, I want to ask her to move in with us. Her and Lizzie together.”

It’s when he adds this last part that Renée starts to light up a bit more, her hands pressing excitedly against Scott’s knee. She and Lizzie already play so well together and he suspected she wouldn’t mind the idea of having someone like a little sister around.

“What would you guys think if I asked her to come live with us? It has to be a family decision, I want all of us to agree. Then we can ask her and Lizzie when they’re here next weekend.”

“Aw, Dad, yeah! That’d be...that’d be cool. Right?” Aidan’s the first of the boys to respond, and Scott’s not surprised. He and Tessa have always been a little bit closer, especially since he’d gotten into exploring dance, and other athletics instead of just hockey like Max. But he watches as Aidan looks back at his brother to make sure he’s not the only one agreeing.

Max looks like he’s considering it, his expression so serious. Scott can’t help but think then how grown up they are now at eight and a half, practically eight and a half going on sixteen. They’re going to be teenagers before he knows it. _Chris would be so proud of them_ , he thinks, so proud of everything they’re becoming.

“So, would she be like, moving into your room and stuff, too? Like...like Mom?”

Scott breathes in and lets it out again before answering. He knew this question would be coming, he just hadn’t been able to figure out which one of them would ask it first.

“Yes, she would move into my room,” he nods. They know that Tessa’s slept in his room more recently when she’s stayed over, but it’s never been something they’ve had a conversation about, not yet. “But she’s not the same as Mom, right? She knows that. She knew your mom really well too, and cared about her a lot. I know she wouldn’t want you guys to feel like she’s replacing her. She’d still be Tess,” he adds, in case it’s something they’re thinking. “You wouldn’t need to call her anything different unless you want to.”

They nod back, all three of them. Renée fits herself closer against Scott’s side, and he puts his arm around her. He wishes he had more arms, then, to fit all of them to him at once.

“I’d like it if they lived with us,” Renée says simply, her fingers fidgeting a little. “Would Lizzie and I share a room?” she asks, a bit of hope on her face. She’s always envied that a little about the boys, how they always had each other as pals all the time.

“Maybe,” he says gently. “We’d have to talk about it. Once they say yes, of course,” he reminds her. She nods, satisfied. He thinks she’s already imagining what their new shared bedroom will look like. “What do you guys think?” He asks the boys again.

Max looks back at his brother, and then at Scott, a cautious smile on his face. “I guess it’d be cool. Yeah,” he nods, and Scott knows he’s being truthful, even if he’s a little hesitant.

“You sure, Max?” Scott shakes his head. “Because if you’re not sure about it we don’t have to do it, we can wait a little while - it’s a family decision, remember?”

Max looks at Aidan again and then back at Scott, like he’s thinking. “We like Tess and Lizzie. And...and you’re happy together, right?” Scott nods again, momentarily without words. “Then we should do it.”

Scott stands then, clapping his hand on shoulder, then Aidan’s. “I love you guys, you know that?”

“Of course Dad, you tell us all the time,” Max says, trying to brush it off but a bit of a smile still peeks through. “We love you too, okay?”

He leans over towards Max again, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head, then doing the same to Aidan, then again to Renée next to him. “Okay, then.”

“Dad, are you gonna ask Tess to marry you?” Max, asks then. _He always was the one with the direct questions_ , Scott thinks.

He swallows. “Maybe,” he answers honestly. “Maybe someday. I don’t know yet about that part. I’d have to talk to Tessa about that too. Mostly, I want more of the people I love in the same house all together. And I want all of you to be happy, that’s the most important thing to me. Everything else is sort of...bonus. Is that okay?” He knows he’s getting a little choked up now, talking about this with them, and he hopes they know it’s from happy emotions and not sad ones.

“Yeah,” Max nods, like he’s genuinely thought about it. “That’s okay.”

“Janey’s mom and dad live together but aren’t married,” Renée says, eagerly offering a comparison, thinking about her friends’ families. “Same with Lauren’s parents. Lauren says they call each other partners instead,” she reports.  

Scott wonders if his daughter realizes even a fraction of how much she’s said just now, and he blinks a few times, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

“Yeah, dad, it’s cool,” Aidan says.

Renée agrees. “Tessa’s awesome, we like her a lot.”

Scott swallows again, feeling too many things at once to process. Not nearly for the first time, he can’t believe he got this lucky with these kids.

“Okay. Now let’s talk about how we’re going to ask them.”

And the next day, they do.

 

*

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first year of blending the Virtue and Moir families into one, proves to be eventful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has lots of feelings in it! But mostly in a good way.  
> I can't believe I'm so close to the end now - I can tell already I'm going to have a hard time giving up these characters.
> 
> Thank you again, as always, to iwantthemtostay, peacefulboo, and G for being amazing beta-readers and an all-around awesome writing support group. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this installment - thank you all for reading!

 

  
It’s chaos, at first. Or at least it feels a bit like that to Tessa. The first week or so after the move felt a little bit like an extended slumber party, albeit with a bit more intention behind it. They’d spent time talking about the new sleeping arrangements before making any changes. Max and Aidan had briefly protested moving things around until they realized they could each get their own rooms in the bargain - Renée and Lizzie would share their larger room, and Renée’s room and the home office were transformed into individual bedrooms for the boys.

There have been rough spots that Tessa’s struggled with as best as she can, just trying to stay supportive but consistent as the kids all adjust, too. There was a spell of a hard few days after the first week, when it had finally dawned on Lizzie that her Nana doesn’t live in the same place as them anymore. She kept asking when they were going to see Nana again and if she was coming over.

Eventually it had helped a little that Scott’s old map had come with them to the Toronto house from Montreal and they’d been able to show Lizzie how close they still were to Nana and everyone else, and how now they got to be in the same place as as Auntie Jordan and her family. Aidan had shown Lizzie how to put in new pins and they’d added all the names of Tessa’s siblings to the now well-worn map board.

It had helped, too, a week or so later, when Tessa decided to head to London and start the Canada Day weekend early, bringing Lizzie and Renée a day ahead of Scott and the boys. They’d gotten good time with Kate that first afternoon and evening - and Tessa loved watching Renée spend some time with her mother too, more than even she had realized. Still, she could tell Lizzie was struggling to understand it all, this new normal. It was something that would take time.

Except then, Tessa realizes now, a house of six people at the beginning of summer has no _normal_. Scott’s kids all start in on summer day camps that seem to change up every other week. And somehow there are still swimming lessons, and sleepovers at friends’ houses, and reading challenges, and library visits. Not to mention her and Scott’s coaching work. Her mind swims with all of it - she’s overwhelmed and thrilled and terrified at the same time.

“I don’t know how much you’re paying Petra, but I’m not sure it’s enough,” Tessa says one night towards the end of July. Scott’s been back at the rink full-time the last couple of weeks, while Tessa’s been making a go at working three days a week in Toronto, with the rest of her time divided between consulting trips and planning with Kaitlyn. Today it was Barrie, and the week before that Kitchener. And she has a callback on Monday with Nivea for a new campaign plan for the fall season. If they didn’t have Scott’s babysitter Tessa doesn’t think the house would function right now.

“Trust me, she’s the best-paid babysitter in town,” Scott says. “One of these days she’s going to leave us to go for her Master’s though, and then we’ll basically be animals left to the wilderness,” he jokes, his voice sounding from the bathroom. Normally he washes up first since he’s faster, but this week he’s been giving her priority to go first.

“Good to know,” Tessa answers, yawning. She’s clutching a book in her hand but her eyes are already closing. She’s practically been falling into bed exhausted for the last month straight, even as she’s finally starting to feel like she’s getting the hang of this new pace of life.

“Hey,” Scott says, a second or several minutes later, she can’t tell.

“Mm,” she says, pulling her eyes open and realizing only then that she must have nodded off. “I’m awake.”

“No you’re not,” he counters, chuckling a little. He presses a quick, soft kiss to her lips. “But that’s okay.”

“Saturday tomorrow,” she half-mumbles, putting her book aside. Scott leans over her and turns out her light for her. “What’s the agenda?”

“Oh, I thought we’d just put the kids out in the yard with the dog after breakfast, let them in again around dinner time? Sound good?”

Tessa lets out a snort. “You joke, and yet I’m very tempted.”

Scott settles under the covers, facing her. “I’ll take the boys to swim lessons in the morning, so you’ve got the girls all to yourself. I’m betting by the afternoon Renée will have an invite with the neighbours’ daughter two doors down, they’re back from their cottage.”

“Mm,” Tessa repeats, nodding. “Sleepover with Violet probably,” she says, remembering having met the family a couple of weeks ago.

“Probably,” Scott says. “Max might end up at one of his friends’, too, he’s hung out at Justin’s the last couple of weekends playing video games. We could be down to just two kids for the evening if we play our cards right.” He does his best attempt at a suggestive glance, and she murmurs a laugh again.

“I can’t believe there used to be a time when I only worried about one child at a time,” she says. “That seems impossible now.”

“Ah, you’re doing great, Virtch.”

“Not as good as you,” Tessa counters, yawning again.

“Nonsense,” he says, kissing her once more. “You’re the missing piece, Tess. You and Lizzie,” he adds.

“Yeah?” She’s smiling, even as her eyes are closing again. “I’m glad.”

He reaches for her hand, kissing it. “Me too. And when you’re actually awake I’ll say more things about it.”

“I’ll enjoy that,” she says.

And then she’s asleep.

 

*

As much as Scott’s joked with Tessa about it, there’s no helping the truth - Tessa and Lizzie moving has unequivocally made life better in the Moir household. Or, well, the Virtue-Moir household, as it should properly be called now. It’s absolutely changed some things, just as they’d expected. Lizzie took her time to settle in, which was a hard thing for Tessa to manage and even harder for Scott, watching and trying to support both of them in the way they needed. And while his crew have adjusted well for the most part, he thinks the boys - Max especially - are not quite sure about how to interact with a little two-and-a-half year old.

But then, there have also been moments that have been so, so amazing. He’s not sure how to fully explain to Tessa how much Renée loves having someone like a little sister in her life, to play with and sing songs with and teach things to. Or how much Aidan hangs on Tessa’s every word about music and dance, or how when Tessa reminds him to grab his backpack before leaving the house to go to swim lessons, or to brush his teeth before bed, Aidan always does it when she asks the first time, instead of the second or third time like when Scott does.

And he can’t quite pinpoint when it started, but he’s started hearing them call Tessa ‘T.’ It started with the boys, he thinks, and then Renée must have joined in not too long after that. He realizes it’s probably because that’s what Scott calls her the most, and now they get to hear him call her that every day, because they’re with each other every day. It brings the biggest smile to his face, hearing them say it - and Tessa’s too, though he thinks she’s trying to play it a little cool. They’d talked about it, when they were first planning the move - what their kids should call the other person. In the end they’d just decided Tessa would still be Tessa to his children, and Scott would still be Scott to Lizzie, unless the kids decided on their own to try something different. He hadn’t realized they would need to decide that so soon.

It’s getting towards the end of the summer now and Scott thinks they’re all starting to gel a little bit. Compared to a couple of months ago it’s like they’ve finally got some routines down, things are feeling more normal - that in itself is almost more than he could want at this stage. But he’s noticed that Renée has bonded much more closely with Lizzie than the boys have - which was probably to be expected, given their smaller age gap and both being girls - and he doesn’t want that to be a permanent thing. He’s seen the way Lizzie looks up to both of them and how badly she wants to play with them.

So today he’s pulled out the for-little-kids plastic outdoor hockey set Tessa had gotten the other day, in the hopes of fostering more play time between them. She and Renée are off spending the afternoon together doing some shopping for back-to-school clothes, a nice bit of one-on-one time that Renée doesn’t usually get with Tessa.

He rallies Max to help him set everything up and they head out to the driveway. “What do you think, huh Max? We’re a hockey family, right, you can help show Lizzie the ropes.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Max says, hooking the net onto one side of the little frame, while Scott does the other. “But she’s still sort of a baby, Dad, isn’t she kind of little for this?”

“She’ll be three in a few months, bud. I know she can’t go as fast as you guys yet, but she can learn a few things. We’ll show her how to hold the stick and push the puck around. Well, the plastic puck at least,” he says, pulling it out of the box and putting it onto the driveway. He understands why playing with a toddler isn’t his first choice. The boys will turn nine this fall, too, and Scott can tell they’re starting to feel like big kids now - practically on the cusp of being ten, no longer the little kindergarteners.

“Okay,” he says. “But can I go hang out at Justin’s after?”

“Maybe later,” Scott allows. “We’re going to just have some family time this afternoon. Like Tessa and your sister are doing.”

After a couple of minutes they get the nets set up and Aidan comes outside with Lizzie. He’s helped her put on her sneakers just like Scott had asked him to. Ringo sits just inside the screen door, watching with interest.

“Hey Lizzie girl,” Scott says, coming over to her. “We’re gonna try some hockey, sound good?”

Lizzie nods, a little hesitant but curious. She looks over at Max, who’s holding a couple of the little plastic sticks. “Max play hockey,” she says pointing over at him and grinning. Scott smiles. She knows about what the boys are into now, often repeats _Max likes hockey,_ or _Aidan likes music._ He’s heard her start to say things like that about herself too, that Lizzie likes books or she likes the colour green. She’s figuring out everyone else’s worlds at the same time as her own, and it’s one of the many things about her that remind him of Tessa.

“He sure does,” Scott says. “You want to be on Max’s team?”

“Okay!” She runs up to Max. “Same team,” she repeats. Max holds out one of the sticks to her, looking from her to Scott and back again.

Scott and Aidan make a ‘team’ on one side against Max and Lizzie on the other. They practice showing her how to hold the stick, or at least make some attempts. She gets in a few tries with the plastic puck, including a couple of successful taps, which everyone cheers for. Lizzie seems a little confused at the excited attention, but happy about it all the same.

It’s slow going, so Scott and Lizzie stand back for a few minutes while Aidan and Max pass the puck back and forth a few times. Scott crouches next to her, calmly and encouragingly telling her about what they’re doing. At one point Max scores a goal against Aidan and he and Lizzie cheer for him, then after another few passes Aidan does the same against Max.

“Oh yeah, still got it!” Aidan cheers, celebrating with a little mini dance.

“Okay guys, time to try another team-up,” Scott says, hoping to get Lizzie to try it out for a few more minutes. He can tell her attention is probably going to drift before too long, so he wants to get a little more practice in while the boys are still enjoying it, too.

Max goes with Lizzie again, letting her try hitting the puck a couple more times. Then Max and starts passing it back and forth between him and Aidan again, just like before. He hits it a little too enthusiastically at one point, and the puck bounces off the little net and ends up rolling towards the street.

“I’ll get it!” Max says, running after the puck. It stops just before it gets to the middle of the street and so does Max.

Lizzie watches him go, stepping forward a little.

“Wait a sec there, honey,” Scott tells her. “Max will come back with it.”

But as Max steps back to the sidewalk it’s just as a couple of his friends - Justin, Scott recognizes one of them - are walking by and Max stops to chat with them.

“Max!” Scott calls. “We have to finish the game, bud. You guys can catch up later, remember?” They did have a deal, after all.

It’s another half a minute later when Lizzie decides he’s been gone too long, and she starts running down the driveway. “Max! Max play hockey,” she says eagerly, running to find him.

Scott’s just a little too slow in dashing behind her, and when Lizzie trips and falls his heart sinks instantly in the split second it takes for him to get to her. He knows it’s not the end of the world, but her brief silence is long enough that he knows a big cry is coming next. When he crouches down next to her she’s half pushing herself up, and then releases the loudest, furious wail that he’s ever heard from her. Scott reaches for her steadily, putting one hand on her back and checking her over. She seems mostly stunned and upset, but is definitely sporting two skinned knees that look like they must sting quite a lot.

“You okay, Lizzie girl? That looked like a pretty good fall, there.” He can see her looking around dazedly, tears pooling in her eyes. If Tessa were here he knows Lizzie would be going to her right away, but she’s not, so he’s going to do his best. Sure enough she throws her arms around him, still crying some more but not quite as loudly. “It’s okay, sweetie, you’re okay.”

“Fall down,” she says, gulping in air as she uses her words.

“I know, honey, I’m sorry. You wanted to get Max for us, that was a nice thing to do,” he says. He throws a look towards Max, who is back on his own again now, and coming back up the driveway.

“Is she okay?” Max asks, worried, and Scott mentally gives him some credit for the apologetic look on his face. But he’s still not all the way pleased with the way he’s been acting this afternoon.

Scott nods, and looks from Max back to Lizzie. “What do you think, Lizzie, you okay? We can go get your knees fixed up?”

Lizzie blinks, tears slowing. She looks down at her scraped knees, pointing at one of them. “Knees hurt,” she explains sadly.

“I know they do. We’ll fix it. And Max and Aidan can tidy up here and maybe we’ll play in the backyard in a few minutes,” he says, looking at each of them one at a time. They nod quickly, taking the instructions.

He takes Lizzie into the house, Ringo following after them curiously. Scott sits Lizzie on the bench at the little kids’ table at one end of the kitchen, and rifles around for supplies. He tells Ringo to sit next to her, and the dog obeys.

“There, can you pat Ringo for me, sweetheart?”

“Ringo pats,” Lizzie repeats, patting one hand on his head a few times. He licks her hand a little, too. Her voice is still a little wobbly but she’s evening out again.

Scott doesn’t think he’s seen her take a bad spill before when he’s been around, but he knows she knows about band-aids - her remembers when they were at Tessa’s family’s cottage earlier in the summer she’d gotten some scratches on her arms after running through some thorny bushes. And there must have been other times before that, he thinks. But maybe this is the first real patch-up situation. He comes back with a first aid kit and a damp cloth, and gently gets her cleaned up, talking to her the whole time.

When he cleans the scrapes with a bit of antiseptic she flinches and whimpers a bit. “That’s the worst part done now, Lizzie, we’re almost done. We’ve got some special bandaids here, they’re usually just for Renee, but I think you’re big enough for them too, right?” He produces some brightly coloured band-aids that have different patterns and stripes on them.

Lizzie nods. “I’m a big girl too,” she insists. She points to one with green and purple stripes, and another with balloons. There are still a couple of tears clinging to her lashes, but her expression is brighter now.

“That’s right, you are,” he says, carefully placing the band-aids on her knees one at a time. “There, all better. Right?” She nods again, smiling. Scott takes her hands and squeezes them. “In my house, after we get bandaged up, we get a popsicle. How does that sound?”

“Yeah!” She says, excited again.

They go over to the freezer and he picks out a grape popsicle, because he knows it’s her favourite flavour. He splits it in half and Ringo follows them as Scott takes Lizzie outside to the backyard, where Aidan and Max are waiting on the patio.

Scott hands one popsicle stick to Aidan and the other to Lizzie. “Here, Lizzie, you can sit with Aidan and have them together okay? Max and I will go back and get a couple more for us.” He nods for Max to come with him. Ringo sits, obediently but hopefully watching as Aidan and Lizzie sit with their now slightly melting popsicles on the porch step.

When they get back to the kitchen Scott pulls another popsicle from the freezer but just sets it on the counter for a moment.

“Is Lizzie okay?” Max asks again. “She just scraped her knees, right?” He looks nervous, like he’s expecting the talk that’s coming.

Scott sighs a little. “She’s fine, Max. She got a little banged up, just like you guys have all done before.”

“Okay,” Max nods.

“Max…” Scott starts, thinking. “I just want you to look out for her a little bit better, okay? Just play with her, hang out with her once in a while,” he says. “It doesn’t have to be all day, all the time, just...I want her to know she can trust you guys.”

“I know,” Max says, fidgeting a little. “I was talking to the guys and didn’t see her fall, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Max,” Scott says, putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. “I get it, it’s the end of summer, and you want to hang out with your friends when there’s still time before school starts. Just...you know she was running to catch up with you, right?”

“She was?” He looks back at Scott, surprised and maybe a little flattered. “I didn’t see that.”

“Yeah,” Scott nods. “She thinks you’re really cool. You and Aidan both. But she just doesn’t get to spend as much time with you. And she really likes people, same as Tessa. She likes all of you guys.”

“Oh,” Max says, like he’s thinking. He’s such a serious kid, in some ways, almost like he’s trying to be the biggest brother, except he doesn’t know how.

“Yeah,” Scott repeats. “She thinks you’re the coolest. And she just wants to play with you sometimes, okay? That’s all I’m asking you to do. We’re her family now, and she’s got to know she can count on all of us, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Max repeats. “I know she misses her grandma and everybody.” Scott feels proud then, knowing that Max remembers that. It had been a hard couple of weeks in the beginning.

He squeezes Max’s shoulder once more, then reaches back for the popsicle and unwraps it and splits it against the edge of the counter. “Here,” he says, handing both halves to Max. “She’s probably already let Ringo have her first one, go share this one with her.”

Max nods. “Okay. I’m...I’m sorry, Dad. I like Lizzie, I promise. And T.” He takes both of the popsicle sticks from Scott.

“I know you do, kiddo.” Scott follows Max out to the back. Sure enough, Lizzie is giggling as the dog licks her hands and face, alternately slurping at the popsicle right out of her hand.

“Here, Lizzie,” Max says, coming over and sitting next to her. Lizzie looks up and takes the new popsicle eagerly, settling close next to Max this time as he sits down next to her.

Scott signals for Ringo to come to him and the dog does, ducking his head a little like he knows he’s overstepped. Scott scratches his ears and pets him, no hard feelings. Then he hears the front door open and turns, watching as Tessa and Renee enter the house, chatting happily. Satisfied that Lizzie and the boys are settled for now, he brings Ringo back into the house.

“Hey, my other two girls are back,” Scott greets them warmly. He kisses Tessa on the cheek first and then reaches for Renee’s hand, crouching to her height. “Did you guys buy everything in the whole mall?”

Renee shakes her head. “No, only half of it,” she says confidently, almost like it’s a line she and Tessa have practiced.

Tessa laughs, which only verifies his assumption. “We got everything on the list,” she says, then thinks a little. “And maybe one or two extra surprises,” she winks. He smiles, lifting his eyebrows at her a little as he wonders if any of those surprises might be grown-up ones.

“Well, we are all having popsicles out back, you’d better catch up, huh?” He tells Renee.

“I want orange!” she says immediately, and runs directly for the kitchen. He knows she knows where they are.

Scott lets Tessa set down the bags she’s carrying, and then takes her hand. He kisses her once, then again a little longer. When they part she’s looking at him with a curious smile.

“Everything okay?” she asks.

Scott looks over to the back porch. He can see Lizzie still sitting between the boys. She’s nestled close to Max, one hand clutching at his knee as she holds her popsicle with the other. “Yeah,” he says. “I think so.”

“Okay,” Tessa nods, like she’s still trying to read him a little bit more. “You can tell me all about it, though?”

“Definitely,” he says, squeezing her hand and bringing her into the kitchen. “And you get a popsicle, too.”

 

*

In early October Tessa comes home from a trip to Kitchener, a little bit ahead of schedule thanks to unusually light traffic. She’s happy, thinking about how Thanksgiving weekend is just a couple of days away and they’ll get to pack up and head back to London for a few days. She’s already planning the whole holiday in her mind, hoping the sunshine will hold out and they’ll have a nice warm early fall weekend.

Tessa gathers all her things in one armload and bustles into the house, glad to be back while there’s still a little daylight. It’s not quite dinner time yet, which means she’ll get even more time with the kids than she wouldn’t normally have on an out-of-town day. She gets in the door and drops her things on the bench, placing her keys next to Scott’s in the bowl on the table. That means he’s home now and must have relieved Petra, too.

“I’m home! Anybody miss me?” she calls, listening for little footsteps. Ringo appears first, barking once happily before letting Tessa pet him.

“We’re in here!” Scott calls from the kitchen. He must have his hands full, she thinks. Tessa hears and sees Lizzie run into the hall, then, an eager smile on her face and outstretched arms ready.

“Mama’s home!” Lizzie says, and Tessa crouches down to hug her and give her a kiss. She still loves hearing Lizzie use that word in this house, she’s come so far and adjusted to so much in the last few months.

“I _am_ , and I’m so glad to see you, darling. Are you helping make dinner?”

Lizzie shakes her head as Tessa releases her from the hug. “Boys are making dinner,” she reports. “I’m drawing pictures,” she adds, importantly.

“Oh, I love pictures,” she answers. Tessa takes her hand and follows her back to the kitchen, where sure enough everyone’s all occupied with tasks. It looks like preparations for tacos - Max is in front of the stove cooking a pan of meat as Scott looks on, and Aidan is studiously shredding cheese. She sees Lizzie’s drawing supplies set up at the little kids’ table they keep at one side, and her daughter takes up her place again and returns to her crayon scribbling.

She says hi to Aidan and Max and comes to stand next to Scott, reaching for his hand.

“Hey T,” Scott says, leaning to kiss her cheek. “Good meetings?”

She nods. “We signed a new junior skater and a young curler, too. It was a good day. You?”

“Same as the rest of the week. Some are getting set for SCI in a couple weeks, the juniors are prepping for their JGP skates week before that,” he says, sounding tired.

“What else?” She can tell something’s bothering him.

He sighs a little, his voice quieting. “Renée had a bad day at school. It sounds like...it sounds like some of the other girls were teasing her.”

“Oh, that’s awful,” Tessa says, genuinely meaning it. She understands his manner better now, too. She knows it’s harder for him, knowing how to help his daughter figure these things out when he can’t relate it to his own experiences growing up. It’s something they’ve talked about a little. And now that Renée’s started Grade One she’s in a new, slightly bigger class with a new teacher and several new students, and still adjusting to all of it.  

He looks at her with concerned, hopeful eyes. “She’s up in her room, her chores are after dinner ones. Tess, could you…”

She’s already nodding. “I’ll go.”

“Thank you,” he breathes out. He kisses her on the cheek again and gives her hand a squeeze.

Tessa makes her way up the stairs, thinking, and waits for a split second in front of Renée and Lizzie’s room. She hasn’t had a lot of conversations like this yet with Scott’s kids - she mostly lets him step in first. But she’s trying to play that role more often, as much as she feels a little nervous each time she does it.

The door is slightly ajar, and she taps on it. “Renée, honey? Can I come in?”

There’s a brief silence before Tessa hears a little sigh, followed by a quiet, “okay.”

Tessa steps in, a sympathetic smile on her face. She sees Renée lying on her stomach on the bed, her arm wrapped around her stuffed fox that had been a gift from Sarah and Isabel for back-to-school. Her face is half buried in the pillow.

“Daddy said you had a bad day,” she says, gently, not wanting to pretend she doesn’t know.

Renée nods, hugging her fox closer but not saying anything yet.

“I’m sorry that happened, honey. I’ve had bad days, too. Is it okay if I sit with you?”

Renée nods again, and shifts to make some room for Tessa. Tessa settles herself next to Renée, lifting the pillows a little so she can lean against them. Renée does the same thing, leaning her head and facing Tessa. Tessa can tell she’s been crying, and seeing that makes her feel so heavy inside, guessing at what might have happened to make her so upset. She wishes she could protect her from the terrible things girls do to each other sometimes.

“Do you want to tell me about it? Or should we just sit here for a little while? We can do that too if you want.” She puts a hand out to her little stuffed fox - Francine, she’d named her - and shakes one of its paws.

Renée sniffles, and takes in a big breath before letting it out again. “The other girls are so _mean_ ,” she says. “They teased me _all_ _day_.”

“Oh Renée, I’m so sorry.”

“Whenever they did it before it was just Allison. And sometimes Tina. But now it’s _all of them._ ”

Tessa feels a surge of anger, both at the idea that Scott’s daughter is being ganged up on and the knowledge that this has apparently been going on for a while and has been much worse than they’d realized. “All of them?” she asks, trying to keep her voice level. “Who’s ‘all of them’?”

“Well not all of them I guess. But a bunch of the other girls. Allison is the _cool_ one,” Renée says. _Of course she is,_ Tessa thinks.

“Well you’re right. That does sound like they are being very mean.” After dinner she’s going to have a conversation with Scott about how quickly they can meet with Renée’s teacher. Or maybe the principal.

“They said I was ugly,” Renée says, and her face crumples then as fresh tears fall and she hugs her fox again.

“Oh, now,” Tessa reacts. “In my house I don’t let people talk about themselves like that.”

“They said I was,” Renée continues, her voice muffled. “They said nobody with freckles is pretty.”

“Well that’s just not true, plain and simple,” she says decisively.

Tessa reaches one arm over around Renée’s shoulders, a little bit tentative but wanting to be comforting. She’s glad when Renée snuggles in closer, letting herself be held. Over the last few months Tessa’s wanted so much not to hold back in her affections with Scott’s children, has wanted to give them all the hugs and comforting touches they need. But she’s also worked hard to let them show her when they want it, and it still makes Tessa feel very loved in return when they show her they do, in fact, want that from her.

“I wish I had regular plain skin, then they would leave me alone,” she sniffles.

Tessa can’t help but sigh, hurting for her. She knows girls like that - she still knows women like that, quite frankly - and knows too that if Renée had plain skin those girls would find another way to be mean to her. “Well, all of us are different in some way, honey. That’s a good thing, don’t you think so?”

“But if I didn’t have freckles then they would leave me alone,” she says, her eyes filling with tears again.

“Oh, Renée. You know we can’t make your freckles go away, sweetheart. And I don’t think you should wish them away, either. I think your freckles are very beautiful.”

“But nobody else has them,” she insists.

“Well, I do,” Tessa says. “I have so many freckles,” she reminds her. Renée looks up at her, like she’s examining Tessa’s face closely for the first time.

“Oh yeah,” she says. “I forgot about yours.” Renée sniffles again, but seems to have stopped crying for now.

Tessa turns her face one way and then the other, showing off her cheeks and neck. “See?” she says, pushing up her sleeves and holding out her arms. “I have so many. They’re all over the place.” They’re not the same as Renée’s, which are just like Christine’s. Tessa’s are more scattered and don’t cover as much of her skin, but they’re there all the same. And as a young girl she had also had her fair share of frustration over them. She hates the idea that Renée’s feeling the same way, and that there are already girls out there using those feelings to make her life harder.  

Renée sits up, kneeling next to her and looking at her face and then down at her arms. She reaches out a hand and touches one of Tessa’s arms, as though making sure the freckles won’t go away if she touches them - making sure they’re real, too. Tessa remembers when they’d gone swimming at the cottage this summer, Renée had done something similar when they’d held hands and run into the water. Like it was something exciting.

Tessa looks down at her chest then, pulling her shirt down a little, exposing more of her skin above her bra. “See, they’re all on my neck and face, too. When I wear makeup you can’t see them as much, but they’re always there.” She hadn’t put on her full makeup today because she’d been so rushed on her way out the door this morning, and now she’s glad of it.

Renée leans closer, bringing her hand up and touching one of her small fingers to Tessa’s face. Tessa closes her eyes and lets the girl touch her skin. She feels so many things just then. And more than anything she wants this conversation to end well. If they leave this room without Renée feeling better about herself then...well, that’s just not an option, Tessa decides.

“Yours aren’t the same as mine,” Renée says, and Tessa can’t tell if she’s just thinking out loud or if she’s disappointed.

“Well of course not,” Tessa says. “That’s because they’re not yours,” she tells her, lifting her eyebrows in a slightly exaggerated fashion. “And they’re mine, so you can’t have them.” Renée smiles then, almost like she might laugh a little too, and then Tessa does laugh, giggling as Renée joins her. She takes the girl’s hands in hers. “But yours are still so beautiful, sweetheart. And so are you.”

Renée eventually nods, blushing. “Yours are beautiful too,” she says, and Tessa grins.

She lifts a hand to Renée’s chin and presses a kiss to her cheek. Then Renée wraps her arms around Tessa’s waist. Tessa puts her arm around the girl’s shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

“I get why those other girls’ words upset you so much, sweetheart. I’d be upset too, probably it would make me feel sad for a little while.”

She feels Renée nod, pressing her face closer into Tessa’s side.

“But it’s okay to let those feelings go after a little bit. Remember you have lots of friends who think you’re awesome, because you are. You’re smart, and kind, and funny, and you’re a really great friend, and sister, and daughter, and those things are all way more important than what you look like, okay?”

“Okay,” Renée says, like she means it.

“And if something happens again with these girls then you can tell your teacher about it, sweetie, or me and Daddy? And we can figure it out.”

Renée nods again, and Tessa can tell she feels lighter, more relieved. Tessa feels much the same, truth be told.

She kisses the top of Renée’s head again and then runs her hands through her hair. She thinks in her mind about how her mother had talked to her about these things when she was little, the kind of boosting words she’d given her. She thinks the holiday weekend might be a good time to practice some of that, maybe they could come up with a mantra for her to think about or cut up magazines to make a mood board. She’ll talk to Scott about that tonight too.

They sit like that for another minute, and then there’s the sound of footsteps running up the stairs and down the hall, and Lizzie bursts into the room.

“Dinner’s ready!” she says, clearly pleased to deliver the message. She’s done her job well.

“Thank you, honey,” Tessa answers, holding out her free hand. Lizzie comes over to take Tessa’s hand, then climbs up onto the bed so she’s half sitting in her lap.

“Is Renée sad?” She asks, looking over at the older girl like she’s worried about her but ready to try to fix whatever’s wrong. Tessa feels very proud all of a sudden.

She wants to say that no, Renée’s okay now, but waits and lets the girl answer for herself. Tessa’s glad when she shakes her head, ducking a little and blushing. She’s sure she can make out another little smile, and feels very glad.

“We were feeling sad, but we’re better now, sweetheart,” she tells Lizzie, who’s looking at Renée so sweetly.

“Better now?” she asks, and Tessa nods, smiling. And Lizzie bounces a little closer, wrapping herself around the other side of Tessa’s waist, half-clutching Renée along with her.

“ _Oof_ ,” Tessa reacts as Lizzie flops on top of them, half-covering the sudden tears in her eyes. She fixes one arm tightly around each of them. They’re both such amazing girls, and now all she feels is so wonderfully, unexpectedly lucky.

And then, they go down and join the boys for dinner.

 

*

A week before Lizzie’s third birthday, Anna and Ravi welcome their daughter Nadiya. She arrives almost exactly on her due date, wailing and eager to be attended to, happy to soak in everyone and everything around her.

Scott and Tessa pay them a visit just after returning from NHK, when Nadiya is three weeks old and the new parents have started to get the hang of things - or at least as far as he can tell. Anna has just finished feeding her before they arrived, and they’re both upright and have managed to put out a pot of tea and a plate of cookies for the four of them, despite he and Tessa insisting they don’t need to do anything.

They hand over a few gifts but mostly are just glad to spend time with them and meet the new baby. Tessa has Nadiya in her arms before too long. Scott does his best to wait his turn, but finds his arms aching a little to hold a little one that’s so brand new.

“She’s beautiful, guys,” Scott tells them, leaning over to get a good look at her while Tessa rocks her a little and grins down at her. “I’d bet she’s going to give you a run for your money,” he thinks out loud. She’s got the most observant, wide eyes, and a shock of dark brown hair sticking up on her head. Her hands are fidgeting together as though she’s thinking about grand plans.

Anna laughs. “You might be right about that. She’s not shy about telling us when she wants something. Although she’s actually been not too bad so far for sleep,” Anna tells them, as though she can’t explain why. “Usually I only have to get up twice in the middle of the night. But I’ve stopped telling people that because they just give me this...this _look_ ,” she says, incredulous.

Scott smiles as Tessa laughs out loud. “Just enjoy it while it lasts,” she tells them. “You never know when sleep patterns are going to change.”

“And how about the parents, are you guys getting sleep too?” Scott asks. He can only remember those early days with his own children with a kind of foggy haze - probably for good reason.

Both Anna and Ravi let out a sort of half-laugh, half-sigh. “We’re okay. It’s been an adjustment but mostly it’s been manageable.”

“Is your mom still here helping you guys out?” Scott asks Ravi. He knows Anna’s parents haven’t been able to visit yet and they’ll see them soon for a good visit over the holidays, but the last he’d heard Ravi’s mother had come to help out for a little while.

“She just left the day before yesterday,” Ravi says, both fatigue and regret in his voice. “She would have liked to have stayed longer but there was a matter that came up with the business and my dad needed her.” He shakes his head. “It’s okay. We’ll be back home again soon for a long visit and we’ll see everyone. And we have to figure things out on our own at some point.”

They chat for a few more minutes before Scott finally reaches over to take his turn with the baby, though Tessa does her best to resist handing her over. “Come on, Virtch, you’ve had her for a whole ten minutes, that’s basically forever.”

“Fine,” she says reluctantly, gently passing Nadiya to him. “But I get to hold her again before we leave.” He settles her in the crook of his arm, keeping her wrapped up in her blanket that he’s fairly sure a doting family member must have hand-knitted just for her.

“Ha ha,” he answers, but good-naturedly. “Aw, hey there, little lady.” Once he gets Nadiya’s little fingers wrapped around one of his, he’s completely sunk.

Tessa laughs a little. “Just look at you,” she says, shaking her head with envy. “You’re never going to give her up now.”

“Nope,” he says, quite happily. Truthfully he’d be fine to sit here like this all day. Most of his friends and family’s children are long grown now, and it’s been almost seven years now since Renée was this tiny, let alone the boys a couple of years before that.

“I swear she’s even less fussy with you,” Tessa says. “And here I was going to try to get in good as favourite godparent.”

“Huh-uh, no chance,” Scott jokes, although he has to admit she might be right. Nadiya seems content to just look up at him and listen.

Anna lets out a sigh not unlike Tessa’s, though she’s smiling, too. “Honestly she’s already a bit of a Daddy’s girl. Whenever Ravi holds her and talks to her she just calms right down.”

“Oh, that’s so nice, though,” Tessa says, reaching over to pat Anna's knee. “She has a relationship with both of you on her own, already.”

Scott warms, hearing her say that. Not for the first time he wonders about the kind of challenges Tessa must have faced on her own in those early days with Lizzie, and how much he wished he could have done more to help her. He looks over and sees Anna leaning against Ravi’s side, as Ravi puts his arm around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

“She does, and she will,” Ravi says, so proudly.

“I might honestly just be here for the food at this point,” Anna jokes. Scott laughs out loud. This might actually be the most he’s seen Anna crack jokes in the span of an hour. They might be tired new parents, but they are both clearly in love with their daughter, and are happy to be figuring everything out.

He can tell they’re managing as well as they can, but there’s no denying the fatigue that comes with being in the first few weeks - months, really - of new parenthood.

“Hey, you guys should go get a nap or something if you want to,” Scott says. “We’re good here, honestly.” He glances at the clock and sees they’ve got a couple of hours before they need to get the kids from school. And there’s really nowhere else they’d prefer to be right now.

Tessa looks over at Scott with a smile, and then quickly back to Anna and Ravi. “Oh, yes, definitely. Rest up if you want to.”

Anna’s expression turns grateful and then just as quickly to mildly horrified, and then she shakes her head. “No, that’s fine, honestly. We didn’t invite you over to take care of _us_ ,” she says.

Tessa just shakes her head right back. “But we’re fine. And so is Nadiya, look.” She turns to look at the dozy baby in Scott’s arms and then looks back to Anna, moving her hand down her arm. “Even just a half hour, if you want to lie down for a minute.”

Anna looks up at Ravi and then back at them. “Really? That would be so lovely, actually.”

Tessa smiles. “We get it, honestly. Remember we’ve done this four times between the two of us.”

“Well, technically three,” Scott says. “Although the boys did come as a two-for-one deal, so me and Chris were probably twice as sleep deprived and didn’t even know it at the time.” He momentarily tears his gaze away from Nadiya, who’s now starting to nod off. “Go do what you need to do, guys, we’re good for a bit. If she needs anything we’ll grab you.”

They protest a little more but in the end, Anna goes for a nap while Ravi drives out to take care of some overdue errands. Scott sits with Tessa and Nadiya for a little bit, just enjoying the quiet amidst the chaos.

Then after a few minutes Tessa looks around the living room, as though doing a mental inventory. Then she stands up and glances over towards the little dining room and kitchen at the other end of the little town house’s first floor.

“I’m going to do some tidying up for them,” she says, almost gleeful.

“Yeah?” he says, a little surprised. But he understands the sentiment. And honestly the baby’s started to fall asleep now, and probably there won’t be much else to do until either Anna wakes up or Ravi returns.

“I’ll just make sure the kitchen is looking good, they’ll appreciate it even if they don’t notice it at first,” she says. “Maybe I’ll run the dishwasher, too.” She leans over to kiss Scott on the cheek, and brushes one finger gently over Nadiya’s. “You two just stay cozy, you’re doing a great job at it,” she says with a wink.

“I’ll take that deal,” he says, settling Nadiya more comfortably as he leans back against the couch.

In a couple of hours they’ll leave again and return to the chaos of their own lives. But just now everything seems extremely right with the world, and it’s comfortable and cozy here inside, and right now his job is to sit here and hold this precious new baby that’s wrapped in a warm handmade blanket. So, he thinks to himself, everything else can wait.

 

*

Hours later, after school pickup and dinner and homework and conversations and stories and, finally, bedtime, Scott and Tessa make their way towards sleep themselves. Scott finds himself half-sitting up in bed, just watching Tessa as she finishes her nightly routine. He likes her at this time of the evening, so intent and patient as she talks to him while putting herself together again. He’s learned more these last few months about what she needs from this time - how as much as the rest of the day can be for everyone else, these few moments are for her. He listens to her and plays her sounding board when she needs one.

Tonight he just finds himself admiring her. If he turns his head just right he can look over at her reflection in the mirror. She’s telling him about her meetings she’s arranged for next week, some new consulting clients over at the Granite Club - a pairs team and a young single skater. Kaitlyn will be coming in for the day, and they’ll do a plan with each of them to help them focus on the remaining half of the season and work on funding and health strategies for the next.

“They still seem like such kids, Scott,” she says, pausing as she finishes applying her face cream and looking over her work. “I still can’t believe we were ever that young. It’s amazing how much we got through.”

“We had help, though,” he says, half-sleepy, half-nostalgic. “Probably a lot more help than we realized at the time.”

Her lips quirk in a half smile. “That’s true,” she says. “And it made us stronger in the end.”

“You’re passing it on now, T,” he tells her, not for the first time. “It’s great, you’re going to have the next generation of athletes fixed up and balanced and supported.”

Tessa laughs a little. It’s a familiar speech from him, and he’s not entirely sure she believes him when he says it, but he keeps it up nonetheless. “One at a time, anyway,” she says. She rubs some different cream into her hands and massages it in thoroughly, the step he recognizes as the last one of her routine. He puts aside his book on his nightstand and waits as she turns out the bathroom light. “Speaking of the next generation,” she says, her eyes glinting as she smiles. He knows she’s thinking about their afternoon visit.

“Oh, Nadiya’s just the sweetest thing _,_ T. I’m so happy for those guys, they deserve the best kid in the world.”

“She’s pretty cute,” she laughs. “I’d almost say she’s cuter than Lizzie was when she was that new, but as Lizzie’s mother I’m pretty sure I am forbidden from going that far.”

“Mmm, I might allow that Lizzie and Renée are tied for most adorable newborn, _then_ Nadiya a very close second.” She turns off her bedside lamp on her way to slipping under the covers, so he waits until she’s next to him under the blankets and then turns out his as well.

“So the boys don’t rank for cutest baby, then?” She lets out a _tsk_. “They’ll be so disappointed.”

“Oh, well when Ravi and Anna have a son _then_ we can compare cutest baby boys,” Scott says. “Totally separate category of cuteness.” He wraps one arm around her as she settles in next to him.

Tessa laughs again, gently but genuinely. She kisses his cheek before settling in next to him. “I like you when you’re like this, all proud papa bear.”

He smiles, happy to agree with her. He _is_ proud, of Ravi and Anna making their own new lives, of his kids for how well they’re doing despite how much has changed. And though he doesn’t say it out loud just then, he’s proud of Tessa, too. She’s worked so hard, and stayed so focussed on what she wants, all the while making sure the people she loves are cared for.

For a moment he just holds Tessa quietly, feeling the warmth of her next to him and just thinking and remembering their day. On the one hand he’s so glad his kids are bigger now, learning and growing all the time - not like the early months when it was all he and Chris could do to keep up. But then, there’s nothing quite like getting to have a new baby around. He lets out a breath and holds Tessa closer, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

She wraps her own arm closely around him and then he can feel her shifting and looking up at his face. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” she asks knowingly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Tessa scoffs lightly. “ _Hah_. You can’t play coy with me, mister, I know you’re thinking about how awesome it would be to have a new little one around here.” She kisses his cheek and then settles against him once more. “It’s okay,” she says after another moment. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it too, for a hot second.”

“Yeah?” He admits he’s a little surprised.

“Sure,” she says, and he can hear the - albeit a little tired - smile in her voice. “It’d be hard not to think about it.”

“You’re right about that.” He moves his hand up and down her back a few times, settling a little more. He can feel her breathing steadying, too, in the same rhythm as his. “You know,” he says after a few more moments of quiet, “we would have made beautiful children, T.”

He can feel her breathe out a laugh again. “We _did_ make beautiful children, Scott. They’re right there down the hall from us, all four of them,” she says knowingly. She leans snugly against him, nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder.

“Yeah we did,” he says softly. “I can’t argue with that.”

She lifts her head again in the darkness of their bedroom. “I’m happy with how things are, though, really. Aren’t you?”

“ _So_ happy, Tess. So, so happy.” He kisses her again, on the cheek this time.

“What we have now, Scott, honestly it’s more than I could have ever asked for,” she tells him, her voice quiet but intent. “The way you’ve all made us at home here, how all of the kids just seem to fit together…I mean with Lizzie it’s like she’s got these big brothers and big sister now, she just adores them, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says, the simple answer not nearly enough to convey how deeply he agrees with her, how much he feels the same way. He brings one hand to smooth her hair away from her face, then rests it at her cheek.

“Lizzie looks up to them so much,” Tessa continues. “She always has. Having them all together now, it’s like...it’s like they really are a family.”

“We _are_ a family, T. We are...I think maybe we have been for a little while, we just made it more real now that we’re all in the same place.”

“I love you,” Tessa says. The words rush out from her all at once, like there’s nothing else she can possibly say in response. “And I promise, everything I need is already here under this roof.”

He wraps both arms around her, crushing her to him and pressing another kiss to her cheek. She responds in kind, pulling back slightly so she can kiss him properly on the lips, and then again, and again once more.

“I mean it, though,” he adds a moment later after she’s settled again next to him. “We would make an awesome kid together.” She can tell that he’s smiling just from the sound of his voice.

She coughs out a laugh. “Oh, Scott, be serious, really. I’m forty-one. Nivea sends me their age-delay creams now, I’m basically out to pasture.”

“Hey, I’m just saying it could happen. People have kids way into their forties now, we could do it.”

“ _Scott_ , we are already out-numbered two-to-one,” she counters, still chuckling and shaking her head. “Can you imagine the chaos with five?”

“Hey, I solo parented my three for _years_ and made it through to the other side just fine,” he says, although mentally he admits to himself that he hasn’t been exactly on his own - his parents have been pinch-hitters for him so many times when he’s travelled, not to mention the weekly babysitter and housekeeper who he’d be lost without. “With two of us running the show, five would be a cake walk.”

“Oh it would, would it?” She’s sitting up now, still not entirely sure if he’s serious or joking.

“Oooh, if we have more twins that would bring it to six, we’d have enough for our own hockey team!”

Tessa waits an entire half a second before reaching for her pillow, swatting him squarely in the face. He retaliates by tickling her at the soft skin below her arms and her chuckles become near squeals then.

Then, after a few more moments, his lips find his favourite spot just at the curve of her neck. She sinks back down against the pillows, her laughter gradually subsiding and giving way to murmurs of pleasure.

She reaches for him, hands slipping under his tee and finding the smooth muscles underneath. His hand slips below her waistband and she shivers, welcoming his body as he presses against her. He kisses her on the mouth again, first gently and then almost immediately more intensely as she runs her tongue along the seam of his lips and then he’s moving his tongue against hers.

They part again and she falls back once more against the pillows, letting his lips mark a heated path along the line of her neck and chest. He presses his hands underneath her tank top, then moves them down along her bare skin, encouraged by the sounds she’s making. He pauses when his mouth reaches the valley between her breasts, kissing her softly and then licking the soft skin along her sternum.

Then he feels the ripple of laughter moving through her again, as her stomach muscles contract and shake. He looks up and sees her smiling again, and wonders if he hit a new ticklish spot he hadn’t known about before. Truth be told he was aiming for more of a sensual approach than a comedic one.

He sits up a little, planting one hand next to her and holding her bare waist with the other. “What is it? Come on T, I’m attempting some of my best work here,” he says in a mock pout. But really he doesn’t mind the laughter, as long as it means she’s happy and comfortable.

She keeps smiling back at him, running one hand through his hair. “Nothing, just...only you would get turned on by talk about babies,” she says. He thinks she means to say it kindly and reassuringly. But instead it sounds a whole lot like she’s agreeing with him. Like it’s _I love you too,_ like it’s still a promise that she’s here with him no matter what else might happen next.

He smiles at her too, then, just happy. “Not just babies, T. _Your_ babies,” he says. He means it the same way she did, like there’s no bigger way he could translate to her how much she means to him, how much she completes his world. But by the time he gets the words out they’ve taken on some different tone, one he’s not entirely sure he can describe.

Then her smile is replaced by a more serious, vulnerable expression, her eyes darkening with desire as she looks back into his. She closes the scant space between them this time, her lips meeting his in an open-mouthed kiss. His hips press against hers, the evidence of how much he wants her already hard between them.

He kisses her back, over and over, as his hands slip back under the waistband of her shorts and remove them altogether. She helps him do the same, tugging at his boxers and moving them down, hooking one foot to help him kick them off.

“Want you now, Moir,” she says on a breath, panting a little now. She’s grinding against him now too, the heat of her centre already more than apparent where she’s pressing herself at his hip. He moves his hand down the line of her hipbone and across the now damp folds between her legs. When he slides two fingers inside her she arches against him, very much ready for him.

Scott kisses her again, groaning into Tessa’s mouth as he feels her hand move between his legs, wrapping around the length of him. He slides his fingers out of her and along the flat muscles of her abdomen, as she strokes him once and then twice, positioning him where she wants him. He breaks the kiss on a gasp, feeling all at once like some eager teenager trying not to jerk against her hand. He grasps her hand with his and interlaces their fingers together, pressing their hands down against the mattress as he thrusts into her.

Tessa’s breath leaves her on a moan. He stills for just a moment, wondering then if he can take it slow with her this time, draw pleasure from each other like they have all the time in the world.

But then he feels her hips moving, circling a little as she presses one heel against the back of his thigh. He brings his other hand up behind her knee as she does so, deepening the angle as he lifts and then sheaths himself again. It’s his turn to moan, his breath hot against her shoulder.

“I love you,” he says, as they move together, the words so familiar now but no less significant.

Scott long ago lost count of the number of times he’s told her he loves her, over so many years. But he means it every time - every time he says it he wishes there was a new way to do it. Because every time he says it it’s like he’s discovered something wonderful about her for the first time, or remembered how much he needs her and adores her in a way he didn’t understand before. He loves her, he loves everything about her. He’d have babies with her in a heartbeat if she wanted to. And if she didn’t he’d still love her and their family just as much the way it is, because it’s all a part of her now - part of both of them.

He separates their joined hands to wrap his against her hip, squeezing and kneading there, eventually grasping at her backside. She wraps her arm around his body, palm flattening against the muscle of his shoulder, digging in a little more every time she lifts her hips to meet him.

“ _Scott_ ,” she manages, her breath faster now, more shallow. He’s so close, now, and so is she. He’s trying to hold out for her, to bring her to release first if he can.

When he moves his hand around her hip, pressing his thumb just lightly where he knows she needs it, that’s when he feels her breaking apart around him. She comes hard on a gasping cry, and then he lets go, spilling himself inside her. He’s barely aware of the words that fall from his lips then, groaned into her shoulder. He kisses her skin gently, his breath evening out as he pulls out and away from her.

But as he comes back to himself he knows only that he just wants her arms around him.

She seems to know that and keeps holding him, her arms cradling him next to her as he rests his head against her chest.

“I love you too,” she says simply. He feels her press a gentle kiss to his forehead, drawing the covers around them again. It’s the last thing he thinks before he falls asleep.

 

*

Before they know it, it’s Christmas again. And not just Christmas, but the first one with all of them in Tessa’s house in London.

It’s exciting, and nerve-wracking. The kids are all full of energy, bursting into the holidays as soon as school is out for two weeks. Scott’s mind is still half-trained on his new teams, whirring away on how in the new year he’ll be following his seniors to U.S. Nationals and the European championships, while he and Andrew share the junior team coaching at Nationals in Mississauga. And Tessa’s schedule has been as non-stop as ever even without working with Scott and his senior teams half the time.

Everyone is, essentially, very ready for a long holiday.

By now they’ve started to get practiced at staying there all together as a new, big, blended family. They’ve found ways to make everyone fit. Lizzie’s old room is now her and Renée’s room, two little beds opposite each other with shelves and dressers to match. And much like Scott’s house - now their house - they’ve transformed the largest of Tessa’s spare rooms, formerly her office, into a shared room for Max and Aidan.

It’s a little closer quarters than they might like, and Tessa’s already started to wonder about whether a basement renovation might be something to consider once the boys are a little older - one of them could have a room downstairs. The next best option might have to be a proper extension to back of the house - something she never in her wildest dreams imagined she would need to consider. But it all works, for now, and that’s more than enough for both her and Scott this year.

In some ways it’s like a mirror opposite of every other past Christmas from the last few years. Instead of Scott arriving at his parent’s house and visiting Tessa occasionally, it’s Tessa’s home that’s for all of them now. They spend the first evening at Tessa’s house - their London house, she reminds all of them a few times - getting settled in and decorating the tree together. The next day Kate joins them for breakfast, and goes along with them as they visit the Moirs, all of them arriving in time for lunch and staying for the afternoon and much of the evening. It’s a good day, with a lot of catching up and playful time.

Alma remarks several times how much bigger Lizzie is since a year ago - even since Thanksgiving. And Tessa loves that her own mother has more time with Scott’s kids this time. It occurs to Tessa that for the first time ever, all of their children have two sets of grandparents - or as close as they’ve ever gotten to it. Amidst the holiday chaos she feels herself being hit by moments of such profound gratitude. When she catches Scott’s eye across the room she can tell he’s feeling the same way. At times she finds her hand drifting to hold his when they’re near each other, almost without even realizing it, and she knows the same is true for him.

In the evenings when it’s after dinner and after bath time, she sits with Lizzie in the big chair with a story, just like they always used to do - when she was littler and the house was just theirs. Except now, Renée joins the two of them too, tucked next to Tessa under the crook of her other arm. They read Lizzie’s books first and then switch to one of Renée’s, until Lizzie starts to drift off and they finish Renée’s chapter anyway.

And at night, when Scott slides under the covers next to her, she feels happy. Tired, excited, and a little unsure how this holiday is going to go, exactly - but happy.

On Christmas Eve morning the day starts a little more slowly than the first few days of the holiday, with fewer last-minute errands to run and their visiting schedule not starting up until the afternoon. They’ll spend the afternoon at the Moirs and then have Christmas Eve dinner and presents at Kate’s, with Jordan and Kevin’s families too. 

Renée and Lizzie wake up first and Tessa gets up with them, letting Scott sleep a little later - he’ll swap with her the next morning and be the first up on Christmas Day, he’d decided, and she was more than happy to take that deal. Tessa makes eggs while Renée makes toast - she’s figured out how to get it not burned, now - and after a few minutes Max comes down too.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she greets him, and he mumbles a greeting back - with a smile, though, she can see from under his hair that’s getting too long. His and Aidan’s both, lately. “Aidan still sleeping?” Both of the boys have had their fair share of sluggish mornings lately, making her and Scott wonder if a pre-teen growth spurt is about to happen or if they’re just becoming late risers. She sympathizes.

“Yeah,” Max shrugs, getting himself a plate before sitting next to Lizzie. “You gonna eat your eggs, Liz? ‘Cause I will if you don’t,” and Lizzie giggles, charmed by him as always. She scoops up another bite on her fork.

By the time they finish eating and have drifted off to the living room - Max settling in with a book, Renée and Lizzie with a movie.

Tessa heads up to make sure Aidan’s awake and not planning to sleep the day away - and hears Scott’s voice coming from the boys’ room. She steps more quietly, waiting just outside the door.

Aidan’s sitting on the edge of his bed with his back to Tessa, Scott crouched in front of him holding onto one of his arms. There’s concern and sympathy in his expression, and Tessa knows they must be midway through an important conversation. She hears Aidan sniff a little, like he’s either been crying or trying very hard not to. She turns, stepping back into the hallway so she can’t see them and they won’t see her.

“We talked about this though, Aidan. We’re gonna do Christmas here this year, remember? We’re gonna see Grandma and Grandpa this afternoon, and they’ll come for dinner tomorrow too, we’re still gonna see them lots.”

“But it’s not the same as before,” Aidan insists, his voice so small. Tessa’s heart reaches for him, wondering suddenly if he hasn’t liked being here as much. He’s seemed okay so far this week, and certainly he seemed to enjoy himself when they’ve come here for other trips in the summer and Thanksgiving. Of the two boys Max has always been the more stoic one, but all the same it’s been a while since she’s seen either of them get this upset about something - especially now that they’re getting older.

“I know it’s not, bud,” Scott says softly, like it’s not the first time he’s said it in the last few minutes. “But I promise we’re still going to have a good Christmas.”

“But…” Aidan starts, and stops just as quickly. Tessa can hear him sniffling again, and knows now that he’s been crying already. His voice sounds so small, and worried, and she wants so much to rush in and comfort him, too, but holds herself back. She folds her arms and presses herself against the wall, letting Scott keep going.

“What is it, A?” Scott says, gentle but insistent. She can hear rustling, like he’s running his hand up and down Aidan’s arm. “You gotta tell me what it is, buddy, otherwise I can’t help make it better.”

“It’s just…” Aidan starts, half-mumbling. “What if we can’t do the sleepover like before. Or...or Mom’s pancakes?”

Tessa’s mouth opens in a silent gasp. Weeks ago, when they had started making their holiday plans, Scott had told her about their family traditions they always did for Christine. She’d made sure they had pancake ingredients all ready to go, and there’s a whole set of new sleds in her garage they were waiting to pull out on Christmas day. But in the rush of the last month, she realizes now they didn’t actually make it clear to Scott’s kids that all of those plans were still there - they didn’t need to only be part of Christmas Day at Alma and Joe’s house. And she realizes she didn’t know about the sleepover part, Scott must have forgotten to tell her about that.

She swallows, blinking quickly at wet eyes.

“Oh, but of course we can do all of that, Aidan,” she hears Scott say. There’s more emotion in his voice now, too. “Of course we’ll do all of it. It wouldn’t be Christmas without Mom’s stuff, too, right?”

“No,” Aidan insists. She can tell he’s shaking his head.

“And is it...Is it okay if Tess does it with us, too?” Scott asks his son. “Can we ask Tessa to make pancakes with us? And maybe we can ask her if we could all do the sleepover in the big bedroom? We can get your mattresses on the floor in there with me and T?”

Tessa squeezes her eyes shut, quickly suppressing a laugh at the image. She knows now she’ll be spending part of her Christmas Eve helping four children set up mattresses and pillows on the floor of her bedroom. And she will do it gladly, even if no one gets any sleep at all.

“Okay,” she hears Aidan say. His voice is still a little wobbly, but at least a little relieved, too. “And maybe Grandma and Grandpa could come over for pancakes too?” he asks Scott next.

“Oh, I bet they could,” Scott says. “I think we could ask them that.”

Silently, Tessa turns so she’s just outside the door, so Scott can see her face and she can see his. She’s nodding already by the time she catches his eye. He closes his eyes briefly, acknowledging her with relief and understanding. Quietly she blows him a kiss, watching as he and Aidan hug it out.

“I love you, kiddo,” he says, holding his son and looking back at Tessa the whole time.

 

*

They do all of it. They get home from Christmas Eve with the Virtues and pull mattresses in to Tessa’s room - Tessa and Scott’s room, now - and read stories. It’s late by the time they’re all asleep - or at least by the time Scott and Tessa think they’re all asleep. There’s a small decorative tree in one corner and the little lights let out a gentle glow.

It’s ridiculous how giddy she feels all of a sudden, lying in bed with him. She actually takes his hand, as though they’re two teenagers trying to behave themselves.

“Merry Christmas, T,” Scott tells her, whispered in the near darkness. When she turns his head she can see him smiling widely, easily.

“Merry Christmas, kiddo,” she answers, squeezing his hand. She leans over and kisses him softly on the lips.

He lets out a breath, settling next to her, holding their entwined hands against his chest. There’s still a smile on his face but it’s drifted a little, like he’s thinking.

“And...thank you, Tess.”

“Oh,” she reacts, touched. She shifts closer to him, leaning against his side. She doesn’t need to ask him what he’s saying thankful for - this week, this whole last year, really. “You don’t need to thank me.”

Scott closes his eyes, his lips curving back into the same smile as before. When he opens them they’re shimmering a bit. “Yes, I do,” he tells her. “We all do.”

She swallows against the knot in her throat. The giddiness she was feeling has given way to a different wave of emotions. “Well then so do I,” she says. She kisses him again, on the lips and then his cheek. “Thank you, so much.”

Tessa settles in his arms, her head resting against his chest. She feels his heartbeat steady against hers, as they drift off together.

Some time in the middle of the night she shifts, turning in his arms. A little while later she feels the bed dip, as though under the weight of someone smaller. And then she hears a whispered, “Mama?” as Lizzie kneels next to her.

She opens her eyes and holds out one arm to her daughter, wondering if she just wants to cuddle, and that’s exactly what she does. “Come here, sweet girl,” Tessa whispers, lifting the covers as Lizzie snuggles next to her. When Tessa drifts off again it’s with Scott holding her, and her holding her daughter.

The next time she wakes up she can tell that it’s almost morning. The light outside the windows has shifted from dark to grey, and she can hear the furnace vents kicking in as the heat turns up.

Tessa opens her eyes and sees Lizzie still asleep to one side of her, long brown hair mussed over her calm face and pink cheeks. She realizes she doesn’t feel Scott next to her anymore, though, so she turns and sits up a little. She’s surprised to discover his space has been taken by Aidan, who’s almost all the way buried under the covers, sleeping soundly.

She sits up a little more, eyes scanning the room. A smile spreads across her face as she takes in Scott, only half-covered in blankets while sharing a mattress with Renée. She’s facing him, arms clutched loosely around her stuffed fox, head pillowed against Scott’s arm that’s splayed out in front of him. On the other side of them Max is sprawled out, taking up all the room he can, just as deeply asleep as the others.

Silently Tessa just grins, holding back laughing to herself, just feeling delighted and a little amazed. What a different, wonderful Christmas this is.

As she settles back down under the covers she’s hit with an urge to hold both Lizzie and Aidan to her, one on each side. She settles for tucking them in a little more securely, not wanting to wake them. She closes her eyes again and just lets herself listen to the house waking up, to the sound of her family sleeping peacefully all around her.

 

*

This January is the first year Scott can think of where he’s navigated coaching responsibilities for teams from multiple countries - back when he was at Gadbois he’d trained with everyone but only travelled with the Canadian teams. This year he finds January filled with not just the Canadian national championships but U.S. as well, followed closely by the European championships with his new Spanish team. In the end, Andrew takes the junior teams to their first Canadians, and Tessa accompanies Scott with his international seniors. It’s the first time in a while he hasn’t had a Canadian seniors team on the circuit, but he’s hoping that will change next year - either Suzanne and Ken will be ready to move up, or there might be some other teams waiting in the wings to join him.

It’s a lot of travel back to back, and his parents offer once again to stay at the house in Toronto while he and Tessa do their work - though he ensures Petra is there for backup. He knows his parents adore spending time with the kids and understand the strange schedules he and Tessa keep - have always kept - but he confesses he doesn’t love thinking about how his parents are getting older and there’s a limit to how much he can rely on them for duties like this, even if they enjoy it. It’s a conversation he’ll need to have with Tessa when the season ends, he decides.

They make it back from the U.S. Nationals in Portland, glad to be returning to a couple of weeks at home. They’re tired, but happy to be back - their video calls with the kids have been great but just never the same as being with them in person. He has the feeling there are more stories to report on than what they’ve talked about over the phone.

They’d pushed to get an earlier flight and they make it back home to Toronto just as dinner is wrapping up - a good thing, since all four kids are all full of words as soon as they get back and Scott knows they’d probably never sit still to eat now.

Aidan shows Tessa a video from his dance club’s latest practice, with the new steps they’ve been trying out, and they talk about the workshop they’ve got coming up while Lizzie sits on her lap and chatters. Scott smiles - he knows Tessa’s had that workshop date marked on the calendar for weeks, making sure she’ll be able to come watch in person. And Max talks about hockey practice from the day before, and the next game they have coming up in a few days. Renée tells him about school and he’s glad there’s no tears about it this month - the meetings he and Tessa had taken with her teacher and some of the other parents before Christmas seem to have done some good.

Joe starts in on the after-dinner clean-up and gets the boys to help him, so Scott does the same while Tessa and Alma sit with the girls in the living room.

“Things were good, dad?” He checks in with Joe as the boys load the dishwasher, now practiced at it.

“It was a good week, Scott,” Joe reassures him. “Your mother and I will probably sleep for a few days now, but they’re good kids. And that Lizzie, she’s a real little beauty,” he adds, a soft expression on his face.

“You’re right about that,” Scott agrees. “Inside and out.” He glances through the hallway where he can see Lizzie snuggled on the couch with Tessa, in conversation with his mother. When he looks back at Joe he thinks there’s something else on his father’s mind, though. “Was there something else, dad? Lizzie’s okay?” She doesn’t look like she’s taken a spill or been hurt, and she’s cheerful.

Joe nods quickly. “Oh she’s fine, son, she’s great. I think your mother was going to talk to you about something though. It can wait until later.”

Scott nods, but now he’s wondering about it. Before too long the boys drift off to watch a movie with Renée and it’s just Tessa and Alma and Lizzie in the living room, so he heads over to join them. He gives his mother a kiss on the cheek since he hadn’t gotten the chance to greet her properly before.

“Thanks again, Mom. I hope you guys aren’t feeling too run over after a week with these four.”

“They’re a delight, as always,” Alma says, on a relaxed sigh.

He’s even more delighted when Lizzie climbs down from the couch and moves to Scott instead. As he settles in his chair with Lizzie on his lap, Tessa grins at him. Then she looks at Lizzie, like she’s finishing some chatter with her from before. “Sweetie, did you have a good time with Alma and Joe this week?” It’s the first time Lizzie’s spent this many days with them in a row, let alone without Tessa or Scott there with them.

Lizzie nods, smiling. “We made cookies, and drew pictures, and watched movies, and played with Ringo,” she explains, rattling off a complete recap.

They talk a little bit more, as Scott listens to Alma tell them more about the week. Lizzie jumps in too every so often with her own part of the stories. It’s nice, getting to see the kids and his parents from this side of things.

After a little while longer Lizzie’s part of the chatter gets quieter, and when Scott glances at the clock he can see how late it’s gotten.

“Should we get you to bed, honey?” Tessa says. She holds out one of her arms. “We can read one of the new stories from Alma?”

Lizzie nods, but points to Alma. “I want Gramma to read it,” she says easily.

Tessa’s expression shifts, and Scott thinks it probably matches his right now. She looks surprised, but excited, and he watches as she blinks quickly as though trying to stay calm. Lizzie’s never called Alma that before, but it’s certainly the name Scott’s three kids call her.

“You...you want Grandma to read your bedtime story?” Tessa looks from Lizzie to Scott, and then back to Alma, nodding as though she doesn’t realize she’s doing it. His mother’s smiling, happy but a little hesitant, like she’s not sure how he and Tessa are about to react.

“Gramma do it,” Lizzie insists sleepily.

“Okay, honey,” Tessa says, smiling more broadly now. “How about you and I get pyjamas on and then Alm--Grandma can come up in a minute?” She puts out her hands to Lizzie and she goes to her, and Tessa kisses her cheek and picks her up - she's almost too big for Tessa to do that now, which means she's doing it about as often as she can, he's noticed. “Let’s go do that,” she says, her voice wobbling a little. When she stands up to go upstairs she stops and squeezes Alma’s hand, and then continues her soft chatter with Lizzie as she leaves the room.

Scott looks at his mother, just the two of them alone for a moment. She’s smiling at him, and he realizes he’s doing the same, completely delighted.

“She called you Grandma,” he says, as though needing to confirm it out loud.

Alma nods. “It started after we’d been here a couple of days,” she explains. “I didn’t ask her to call me that, Scott, I promise, she just...She just hears your three calling me that and it must have seemed normal to call me the same thing as they do. I know Kate is ‘Nana’ so it’s different, we’re not the same person for her. Is...is it okay?”

Scott breathes out a laugh. He’s grinning so much right now. “Mom, of course it is. We’re...we’re all a family now, Lizzie should get to call you Grandma if that’s how she sees you.” But he takes a moment to absorb it, amazed that Lizzie did it on her own. It means her little world and his kids’ world really are becoming the same one, now.

“Good,” Alma says, breathing an obvious sigh of relief. “And I’ll talk to Tessa about it too,” she adds. But just from looking at Tessa’s expression earlier he knows she’s more than okay with it. “Because there’s something else Lizzie’s started saying,” Alma adds. “And actually she was doing it earlier when you both first came home but there was so much happening I don’t think either of you caught it,” she says, eyes bright.

“Something else?” he asks. He thinks back, trying to sort out in his mind what else had happened earlier, what Lizzie had been talking to them about.

“It’s you, Scott. She’s started...well, when she mentions you now she calls you ‘Daddy Scott,’” Alma tells him.

His smile fades instantly into surprise. His stomach does a little flip and for a second it’s like he’s lost feeling in his hands and face. “What?” he says, surprised.

Alma nods again. She reaches for his knee. “You’re...you’re ‘Daddy’ now, for her. Or at least you’re ‘Daddy Scott.’ Your father and I always call you Scott when we’re with her, but of course we still call you ‘Daddy’ for the other three, and...well I guess those names are the same thing now for Lizzie. It’s...it’s been quite a week in that way.”

Sensation returns to his hands and he rests one on top of his mother’s. “That’s...that’s so amazing, mom.” He feels very humbled all of a sudden. He feels warm, and blinks at a few tears forming at the corner of his eyes. When he looks at his mother he sees she’s doing the same thing.

Alma squeezes his hand. “You’re doing so well, Scott. All of them are.”

He breathes out quickly, wiping at his eyes with his other hand. The truth is he’s thought the same thing for a little while, but hearing those words from his mother makes it real in a different way. “Thanks, Mom. That...it means a lot to hear that.” He can’t wait to talk to Tessa about all of this. And he can’t wait to hear Lizzie call him that name, he’s going to be listening for it now.

She squeezes his hand again and then stands up, kissing him on one cheek and then the other. “Alright then. I have to go upstairs because there’s a little girl who wants Grandma to read her a story,” she says happily.

Scott laughs out loud. “Well, Grandma, you’d better not keep her waiting.”

*

Despite how Scott had been at least partly joking, back in the fall, when he’d brought up the idea of having a baby, he’s started to admit to himself how he’d been feeling more and more serious about it. There’s a very short list of things that could make his life even happier than it is now, and having a baby with Tessa might just be at the top of that list. Well...possibly second from the top. And there’s been part of his mind that was simply playing out the hypothetical situation as though it were real, part of him that’s only curious to see how Tessa would react to the idea. But there’s a big part of him that wasn’t kidding around at all.

And although he’s definitely still been walking around with this in the back of his mind, he can’t tell whether she has been or not. Between the normal routines of work and meals and homework and bedtimes and, well, _life_...he hasn’t figured out how to broach the subject again. It’s after Valentine’s Day when they return to the conversation - this time because she brings it up first.

“Okay, I have a proposal for you,” Tessa says, settling herself under the covers next to him.

“Hmm?” Scott sits up, blinking himself alert. He had all but nodded off, still sitting upright with the newspaper crossword puzzle in his lap, the bedside light still on.

“We could give it six months to try, and see what happens,” she says.

“Six months?” He rubs one hand over his face and shifts so he’s facing her, more alert now.

“For a baby, Scott. We give it a half a year and see how it goes, and then if nothing happens we can decide if we want to...take measures to help the process.” She shakes her head a little. “If we were any younger I’d say we give it a full year but…” Tessa shrugs, her eyes closing for a moment. Then she just looks at him, waiting.

He’s just blinking back at her, absorbing what she’s telling him. Tessa’s really here in front of him telling him they could try for a baby.

“Scott? Is this still something you want?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he says without hesitation. “Oh my God, I’d love it, T. We could...Wait, so you’re saying you want to try? Like, for-real try?”

Tessa pauses, thinking before answering. “I don’t want to put us under more pressure than we need,” she says. “I saw how long it took for Jordan and Josh before they got pregnant the first time, and how hard it was for them until it happened and…” she shakes her head. “That’s not what I want for us.”

He softens, holding out a hand that she takes easily. “That’s not what I want for us either,” he admits. He loves sharing his life with Tessa now, he loves having all of their children with them in the same home - as chaotic as it is some days. Having both her and Lizzie in his life, permanently, has brought him so much joy, a kind that he hadn’t realized he’d been missing out on. The idea of adding to their family, together, only thrills him more, makes him love Tessa more. “What do you want to do?” he asks her.

Tessa pauses, thinking again for a moment, and then explains that she’s actually overdue to have her IUD replaced. “I was going to take care of it next week. Instead I could just have it removed.” She shrugs matter of factly. “I could find out what my options look like, what the chances would be.”

“Oh, _Tess_ ,” he says, just reacting. He squeezes her hand. “That would be so amazing. I mean, we don’t have to decide for sure yet, but even if we just find out what’s possible, then we could...” his words trail off on an exhaled breath, one corner of his mind unravelling into images of Tessa holding a new baby in her arms, a new baby that’s _theirs_ , both of theirs - maybe a little girl with her smile, or a boy with, God help him, please not his nose--

“Scott,” she says, one hand resting at his chin. Her gentle voice brings him back to her and he just smiles. “If we do this, I want us to still enjoy ourselves, okay? No matter what happens. And then we’ll see?”

Scott’s nodding as she speaks, just amazed and glad that she wants to do this. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” Tessa says. She sounds confident in her answer, at least he thinks she does - but he thinks there’s some reservation that she hasn’t shared yet.

“Really? You’re really sure, though, T?” He shakes his head. “Because...it’s like you said, we have a great family as it is. If this isn’t something you want, then-”

“I _do_ want it, Scott,” she interrupts, her tone gentle but clear. “The more I’ve been thinking about it the more I really do think I want it. You...You’re right, we would make a beautiful baby together,” she says, her smile so wide. It’s enough to make him just pause to hear what else she’s thinking, and then she continues. “There was a while, so long ago, when I wondered what it would be like to make a baby with you. And I accepted that that wasn’t going to be reality, and I let myself be okay with that, truly I did, because we were both living our own lives, _good_ lives,” she emphasizes. It’s something she’s said to him before, several times. He always appreciates it, and he always understands why she says it. “And the idea that I...that _we_ might actually have that chance now, it’s...it’s unbelievable.” She’s smiling but he can hear the emotion in her voice, underneath her words.

Scott tilts his head, waiting. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere,” he offers.

Tessa sighs, holding on to his hand more tightly now. “I’m not as young anymore, Scott,” she says simply. “Even when I had Lizzie I was on the older side for having a baby. I...I’ve always thought of her as a lucky accident.” She shrugs again, looking down at their joined hands. “I love the life we have together now and if nothing changed I would still be happy. I just don’t want to set us up for disappointment.” As she swallows he can see the start of tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

He leans closer, letting go of her hand so he can wrap both arms around her. She does the same, resting her head against his shoulder. He holds her tightly, then moves his hands along her back in comfort, up and down, back and forth. Truthfully he’s still in awe of her body, the way she still moves like she’s years younger than she is, the way she still keeps up a training routine and skates every week. Logically, rationally, he knows she’s right and a baby might not happen, but there’s a part of him that’s convinced her body could do anything she had a mind for it to.

“I love you, T,” he says softly. “And I know this isn’t exactly the sanest idea we’ve ever had,” he says, glad to feel her gasp out a laugh against his shoulder in response. “And if it doesn’t happen, then I’ll still be happy, too. But I’d love to try, so much.”

“Okay,” she says, nodding as she pulls back to look him in the eye. “Then let’s do it.” She’s still laughing, a little bit giddy he thinks.

“And I think there was also something in the rules about enjoying each other?” he says, absolutely no room for interpretation in his tone. He lifts his eyebrows up and down as he slides his hands more firmly around her waist.

“ _Yes_ ,” she agrees emphatically. “Yes please. I would very, very much like to do that.”

He covers her mouth with his in answer, slipping his hands underneath her pyjamas and along her skin, all of his fatigue forgotten.

*

True to her word, Tessa arranges an appointment to have her IUD removed altogether, and a follow-up to discuss her fertility options. She leaves the second appointment feeling cautious but hopeful.

“I may be forty-one, but apparently I at least have the ovaries of a thirty-seven-year-old,” she tells Scott on the phone, head held high as she leaves the doctor’s office. They’d done bloodwork and analyzed her egg count, and while she doesn’t love the fact that her chances of conceiving are much lower than they might have been several years ago, there _is_ still a chance.

She hears Scott let out a whistle. “You say the sexiest things, T,” he says, his voice suddenly low and husky. She knows he’s at the rink today, he must have found a quiet spot off to the side but his voice is still a little echo-y.

Tessa laughs. “I do my best, mister ‘all my swimmers are still in top condition,’” she tells him.

Admittedly she’s harbouring a bit of envy that his part in this seems so much simpler. It matters much less how old he is or how much longer he might wait for this decision. But Tessa knows she’s still healthy and fit, her hormone levels are all where they need to be, and she doesn’t regret their decision to try for this. If anything, it’s likely to be her last window to try without enlisting significant assistance, which would be a whole other new choice for the two of them to make.

Already she can see the calendar unfolding before her, like a new challenge for her to overcome - all she has to do is put in a little planning and focus, and...well, more than a little time with Scott.

“So what’s the verdict for this weekend, then, madame,” he asks, as though reading her mind. “You, me, Friday night, a little candlelight dinner…” His voice trails off and she can just picture him wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

“Mmm, I think you might be on the right track, monsieur,” she says, making her way to her car. “In fact, I might even make a stop at a certain shop on my way home. The kind that specializes in fancy little things made out of silk and lace.”

“ _Tess_ ,” he says, just laughing a little. “You know I love you no matter what you’re wearing. Or...not wearing, as the case may be.”

Tessa unlocks the car and settles herself behind the wheel. She glances over at the passenger seat, where there is, in fact, already a bag from said lingerie shop waiting for her - filled with tissue paper and a couple of carefully chosen scraps of fabric.

“I know,” Tessa tells him. “And, same,” she adds. “You know I care the most about being with you, everything else is just…” her voice trails off this time. She feels suddenly emotional then, not nearly for the first time since they started talking about this, and certainly not for the last, either.

“I know, T,” he says, softly. “You took the words right out of my mouth.”

 

*

For a little while they let themselves stay in a little delighted bubble of knowing they’re trying - _‘not not trying,’_ Scott tries to emphasize, which only elicits knowing laughter from her - and try they do. They both do pretty well at trying to keep things fun and light for the first couple of months - and it _is_ fun, both of them freely admit. But Tessa also becomes immediately expert at tracking her cycle and knowing exactly when she’s likely to be ovulating.

She gets just as good at finding the right moment with Scott - when they’re both home at the same time one afternoon, or even just managing the feat of getting the kids washed up and happy in bed just a little ahead of schedule, because it’s their best chance that week amidst everything else going on in their lives.

In some ways it reminds her of how it was between them when they were together the first time, over a decade ago now. She remembers how feverish it had been at first, when they’d finally given in to a physical relationship with each other, both of them wanting the other so much. Now she feels a similar kind of freedom coming over her, like she has permission to want him all the time, to take advantage of those moments whenever they happen.

But then, of course, it’s also not at all like it was then. When she thinks more closely about those days in the past there’s almost no resemblance between them now and then. Their lives are so different - _they_ are different, plain and simple. Ultimately there’s no room in her life for wonderings about what might have been or could have been - it just doesn’t matter any more. It’s more than enough for her to know that they’re living their lives together now, in the way that makes sense to them.

A couple of months go by with them ‘trying,’ obeying the calendar and tracking her cycle. By the third month she’s also started changing her routine as much as possible to boost her chances, taking the right vitamins and getting as much sleep as possible. She’s all but cut alcohol and caffeine entirely, just to be sure, and has already started to miss real coffee. As much as she’d told herself she just wanted to enjoy being with Scott, it’s hard to ignore the purpose behind all of this. She’s focussed on it now, a goal that needs to be accomplished.

By the fourth month her period is a few days late and they start to get hopeful, but a pregnancy test dashes those hopes easily enough.

“Hey, we said we’d give it six months and then look into next steps, right?” Scott reminds her the next morning. When she takes a sip of her decaf coffee she can tell he’s fixed it with an extra dash of cream, and she loves him a little bit for it. She knows this is hard for him to watch from the outside, his main job being the part that’s supposed to be fun.

Tessa offers him a weary smile, but a grateful one all the same. “We did say that,” she says. She leans next to him at the kitchen table, the house still quiet before the kids are up. “And we’ve still got a couple of months before we’re at that point,” she adds, reminding herself to stay hopeful.

“Is it still what you want, T?” he asks her, like he just needs to make sure. “Because if it’s not, we don’t--”

“It’s still what I want, Scott,” she says all at once, more forcefully than she’d intended. Because she sees now that she wants it even more than she’d realized in the beginning. The image of holding a new baby in her arms, one that’s hers and Scott’s together - she can’t un-imagine it now.

He blinks back at her, nodding. “Okay. Then we’ll keep trying.”

And they do.

 

*

By June they reach a bit of a lull in their hectic pace - the training season is gradually coming back to life, and so is Tessa’s consulting schedule. But they’re home early more often than usual, able to spend time with each other as well as the kids, and it’s nice. School’s about to end for the summer, making them all a little more excitable and high energy than usual, and he and Tessa just do their best to roll with it. They’re still just a family of six - a number that Scott would never have imagined thinking was small, in his wildest dreams of a few years ago especially.

Their attempts to conceive aside, Tessa’s never asked him for anything more than what they have now. She’s never asked him if there’s another question he wants to ask her, or if he sees any other different future for their relationship than the blended family they’ve created.

But the truth is, he _does_ see more for them. His kids had gotten there before him, he knows too - they’d asked him about it before Tessa and Lizzie had moved in with them. It had taken him longer than them to admit it, but he knows now they were right to ask. It’s just that the only other person he’s asked that question of isn’t with him anymore. And while he knows she’s not coming back, it’s a different thing entirely to take that same step with someone new.

He doesn’t know when he’s going to ask, or how he’ll do it. But he finds himself slowing down when he walks by jewelry stores, looking at the rings in the window and imagining which one would look the best on Tessa’s hand. He imagines her putting a different ring on his left hand, too, on the ring finger that’s been bare for years now.

Because he knows now he wants to ask Tessa to marry him. Whether or not their family stays as it is now or whether it grows, there’s no one else he’s ever going to do that with - no other person he could imagine hoping for a yes.

*

By the time July comes to an end and the August long weekend is just a few days away, Scott knows they’ve just about reached their six month window. He can see the discouragement on Tessa’s face, can feel the fatigue starting to build in her as they reach a new month with no change in her condition. She hadn’t bothered taking a test last week since she’d gotten her period the day before she had planned to do the test. Right now as much has he does want to keep supporting her and to keep trying like they said they would, what he wants even more is to make her feel better about herself, even for a couple of days.

He finds her in the shade of the back porch, looking on as the girls play in the sprinkler on the grass. The boys are both off at a friends’ house for the day, and it’s made for a quieter house. She’s got her feet up on the patio sofa, and her book lies forgotten to one side as she watches Renee and Lizzie play instead.

“So,” he says, setting down a bottle and two wine glasses on the nearby table. He sits down on one end of the couch, lifting her feet and then setting them back down on his lap.

“So?” Tessa asks, waiting for him to continue. “Scott, it’s only three in the afternoon,” she says, eyeing the glasses. “And besides, you know I’m not...I’m not having alcohol right now.”

“I know,” he says, conciliatory. “But hear me out.” He reaches for the bottle and opens it, pouring two half-glasses. “Worst case scenario, I end up finishing this myself. Although I should warn you, I am probably too old to do that, and you may end up having to deal with four children and a hungover grown man tomorrow morning, so take that into consideration before you finalize your answer.” Besides, he knows this is her favourite white wine, and it’s a hot summer day, and everything else is very, very relaxed right now.

She laughs a little. “Okay then, one glass. Let’s hear it.”

“Well, there’s this beautiful lady I’ve been seeing lately,” he says, rubbing one hand along Tessa’s leg and then her ankle. “Gorgeous dark hair, green eyes. And the sexiest legs I’ve ever seen…” His fingers travel close to the spot he knows is ticklish, and he sees her eyes flash a little as he narrowly misses it.

“Oh yeah?” She moves one foot and nudges him in the ribs with her toe, just above the spot where she knows _he’s_ ticklish. _Touché_ , he thinks.

“Yeah. But the thing is she hasn’t really been herself lately. I think she’s been feeling a little down on herself, to be pretty honest.”

Tessa sighs a little, looking back at him softly. “You think so?” she says gently.

“I do,” he answers. “She’s been working really hard and hoping for something to happen that hasn’t happened yet, and, well, I think she could use a little break. Maybe a little vacation. A sort of, ‘let’s take a pause on worrying about stuff for a couple days,’ you know?”

“Oh?” she answers. “You mean, something like a long weekend trip to the cottage, that sort of thing? Because I have the feeling that plan _might_ be doable. So doable it’s actually already been planned,” she emphasizes sarcastically.

He smiles, a little smug right now. “See, I do like the way you’re thinking, Virtch,” he says, pointing at her and then back at his temple. “And you’re pretty close. But see this plan involves a step before that. I might have convinced this lady’s mom and sister to head to the cottage first and take the kids off our hands for a day or two.”

“You what?” Tessa says with surprise - he thinks it’s eager surprise, though, which pleases him to know he’s on the right track. “But...Jordan will have her boys with her too,” she says. “That’s too many kids, Scott, I can’t ask them-”

Scott’s already shaking his head. “I already checked with Jordan. Josh is taking the boys fishing all week, he’s not getting back until Sunday. Jordan and your mom are headed to Bayfield tomorrow and they’re game for whatever, I promise. Probably they’ll have a few bottles of this with them too, I imagine,” he says, reaching for both of the glasses.

Tessa opens her mouth, ready to protest again but finding few words coming to her. “So we could just...drop the kids off? And then…” she shakes her head a little, thinking. Almost absentmindedly she takes one of the glasses from him.

“We could find our own spot for a night or two,” he offers. “There are a couple of nearby cottage rentals still available, I checked. Or a hotel, maybe? We could hop over the border. Or we could stop back in London, check out the house for a bit, just you and me.” He rubs her leg again, gently.

“Oh,” she says, smiling softly. “I’d like that.” He’d thought she would. They’d done Canada Day in Toronto this year, everyone piling into Jordan and Josh’s backyard in their big new house in Mississauga, taking advantage of the pool. They hadn’t been back to the London house since Christmas.

“We could sleep in, have a bit of food, a bit of wine,” he says, clinking glasses with her. “Just hang out, what do you think?”

She laughs again. “Okay, let’s do it. Except…”

“Except what?” Anything that she’s worried about, he will make sure to clear it out of the way.

“Well, that takes care of _me_ , but what about this other dark-haired woman you’ve been seeing?” she asks, taking a sip from her glass.

“Oh, _her,_ ” he says, drawing out the last syllable. “Thankfully, she’s very, very understanding.”

He leans over and kisses her, once and then a second time more deeply.

“She must really love you a lot, this lady,” Tessa says, eyes sparkling.

Scott smiles back at her. “For some reason, she really, really does.”

 

*

A few weeks later, after a few good and necessary conversations, they agree they’ll keep going and they’ll do the next steps to improve their chances. They head to the doctor’s appointment together, Scott recognizing that he’ll do as much as he can to help, but that this really is all about supporting Tessa right now.

They’re shown to an examination room and Scott helps her change into her gown. She sits on the edge of the exam table, holding his hand. The doctor arrives after a few minutes - a smart and kind woman named Astrid who Scott would swear is a decade younger than Tessa - and brightly explains the steps they can recommend.

“But before that I’d just like to review Tessa’s bloodwork with her and then do the ultrasound,” she explains. Scott knows that’s his cue to step outside for a moment, so he rises, squeezing Tessa’s hand and kissing her gently.

He waits out in the corridor for a few moments. He knows it’s standard procedure for patients not to have anyone else in the room with them when they do this, but all the same he finds he’s impatient to be back next to Tessa, talking it out and making the next decision. They could just try fertility drugs for a bit longer, or move to IVF depending on what the doctor says might be necessary. He also thinks about how short their window really is for doing this, and feels suddenly nervous at the idea that they might run out of time before getting their wish. He’s been telling Tessa he doesn’t feel good about her putting herself through heartache and stress over this, but the truth is he doesn’t want to put himself through it either.

Except, he does want to make a baby with her, too. That’s the thing he keeps coming back to, over and over, how worth it would be if it worked. How much he’d love to be holding a new baby - _their_ new son or daughter.

The exam room door opens and Astrid ducks her head out. “We’re ready for you again, Mr. Moir,” she tells him, waving him back in.

When he gets back to the room Tessa’s sitting up again at the edge of the exam table, a sort of confused look on her face. He wonders right away what news she’s gotten, and braces himself.

“So? Tess?” he asks, putting his hand on her knee.

“Please sit down, Mr. Moir,” Astrid says, gesturing to the chair directly next to him, where he’d been before.

“Sure,” he says, looking from her to Tessa again. “What’s next?”

Astrid looks over at Tessa, waiting for her to say something.

Tessa smiles then, like she’s just remembered what she has to tell him. “Scott...I’m already pregnant,” she says, almost like she’s in a daze.

“What?” he says, astonished. He immediately stands again. He looks over at the doctor, now more than a little confused himself.

But Astrid nods. “The bloodwork showed elevated hormone levels, and the ultrasound confirmed it,” she says, verifying Tessa’s answer with a smile of her own. She points to the grainy black and grey screen, indicating a splotchy little circle inside the larger one.

“But you…” Scott says, looking back at Tessa. “You had your period, I remember,” he says, incredulous.

Tessa shrugs. “It was light, though. It must have been implantation bleeding,” she says, a little giddy now. He’s feeling a touch of that himself, for that matter.

“I’d put you at six weeks right now, possibly seven.” Astrid says. “Based on our estimated date of conception, it looks like you’ll have this little one next spring, mid-to-late April.”

Astrid tells them a couple more things about next appointments and vitamins and symptoms to look out for, and then she steps out to give them some space.

“You haven’t felt any different, though,” he adds, still looking at Tessa. Joy is starting to fill him up even as his brain still trying to make sense of the news. “You haven’t been tired, or...I remember with Lizzie you were so tired in the beginning,” he says, thinking back to that time and trying to call up what he remembers from when Tessa had told him the news, sitting in that Montreal cafe together.  

Tessa’s laugh takes him out of his daze. “I guess this time is different. Or maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet,” she says. “But I love that you remember that,” she adds softly, bringing a hand to his cheek.

The door closes and Scott’s still standing in front of Tessa. She’s face to face with him now and it occurs to him then that he hasn’t kissed her yet since she told him their news, so that’s what he does now. When he parts from her he sees her face is wet, so he brushes his thumb across her cheeks to dry them. She’s smiling bigger than he’s seen her smile in...well, a very long time.

He wraps his arms around her waist, then, just holding her.  

“You still ready for this, Daddy Scott?” Her voice is still a little tearful, but happy, muffled against his shoulder.

It’s then that he lets some of his own tears escape, her words making it all finally sink in. He holds her even more tightly than before, kissing her cheek. “You bet I am, Mama,” he tells her just as softly. His words vibrate against her skin and she laughs again, and it’s the best sound in the entire world.

*

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Labour Day to Boxing Day as the blended Virtue-Moir household prepares to expand by one more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I had thought I had one more chapter to go, and as I've been writing and writing and writing it became clear that this actually needs to be two more. So we are not quite at the end yet, although we're just about there. 
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading/kudos-ing/commenting, if you're enjoying this read then I'm glad to know you're out there.
> 
> And thank you for about the zillionth time to my beta readers peacefulboo, iwantthemtostay, and G, who have now read and reviewed over 200k words from me and not even complained about it. Thank you pals.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this installment.

Labour Day weekend arrives, and, just like the Canada Day holiday, Jordan invites the Virtue-Moir household for a pool party. Scott follows Jordan’s husband out to the back with the kids, who have all been a bundle of energy all day. It’s the last gasp of summer and everyone’s feeling it - as excited as Tessa and Scott both are for the school year to begin, it’s going to be hard to leave summer behind, too.

While it’s not the same as being at home for these long weekends all the time in London anymore, Tessa admits she likes being able to spend time with Jordan more easily. She’s gotten to know her little nephews a bit better, and they’re so close in age to Scott’s three that she’s glad they have them in their lives too. Jordan and Josh have spent the last couple of weeks visiting Josh’s family in Winnipeg, and Tessa feels some immediate relief being able to spend time with her sister. She hasn’t told her their news yet - or anyone, for that matter - and she’s been debating all week how to do it or if she should. But she doubts Jordan will go long before guessing it herself.

In the end, not long after arriving Tessa joins Jordan in the kitchen and sets some tote bags of supplies on the counter, then gets about half a minute into listening to Jordan recite beverage options before she bursts into tears. It’s another half a minute with Jordan staring back at her with a horrified expression on her face, terrified she’s said the wrong thing or that something bad has happened.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry Tess, tell me what it is,” Jordan’s words flood in. “It’s not the kids is it? Is it Scott? They all seem fine, though...” She glances back over at the backyard where everyone’s running around. Scott is helping Lizzie put water-wings on before getting into the pool, and Josh is trying to corral all of the the boys to remind them about pool safety rules before everyone jumps in.

Tessa’s shaking her head at Jordan immediately, letting her clutch her hand. She hadn’t realized she was going to respond this way to telling her, if she had she would have...well she’s not sure what she would have done instead, but she definitely doesn’t want Jordan to think something’s wrong when it isn’t.

“No, no, I promise they’re fine Jo, it’s not the kids,” Tessa says.

Jordan just nods, looking worried. “Was it bad news at the doctor’s?” she asks next. “Did they not want to do the IVF? Because if they gave you some bullshit about not being able to conceive over forty, I swear to _God--_ ”

“ _Jordan_ ,” Tessa interrupts then, her voice steady again. “I’m _pregnant_ ,” she says, not wasting any more time. “That’s the news I got at the doctor’s.  _That’s_ why I’m a ridiculous mess right now, the whole way over here I was trying to think of whether I should tell you, or how, and now I’m here and couldn’t even last a minute.”

“ _Tessa_!” Jordan answers, exaggerating every syllable of Tessa’s name. “Oh my God! That’s amazing, that...that only took you, what, a few months? And you didn’t need the IVF?”

“No, as it turns out,” Tessa says, wiping at her eyes. “We went in to get all of that figured out and then instead they discovered the pregnancy.” She lets out a breath, like she’s been holding it in up until now.

Her sister nods again. “Okay, that’s good. So you’ve only known for a week or two?” She looks like she’s counting in her head. “Then you must be about a couple of months already, when are you due? April? May?”

“The middle of April, probably” Tessa reports. “And I’m a little over seven weeks, but they’ll confirm it for sure at my next ultrasound.” It’s still so fresh, the idea that they have a date on the calendar, a countdown to look forward to. She just looks at Jordan, glad that someone else besides her and Scott knows now. “I know it’s way too early to be telling people but I just couldn’t not tell you, it would have been the worst kept secret ever before much longer.”

Almost on reflex she puts her hand on her stomach, where her body hasn’t shown much change, yet, but she’s sure that’s not going to be the case for very long. With Lizzie she hadn’t started to show much of a belly until she was well into her second trimester, but she won’t be surprised at all if things are different this time around. She’s already feeling the same kind of fatigue as the last time, and despite feeling normal a week ago she’s started to feel nauseous for the last couple of mornings. If they hadn’t had their doctor’s appointment, the way she feels now would have been enough to make her wonder if a baby was happening.

Jordan smiles again, big and genuine. “An April baby,” she says, delighted. “Oh, we need an April baby.”  

Tessa smiles, too, thinking Jordan might be right about that. Scott’s three were in October and January, Lizzie had been November. And Jordan’s first son had been born in May, sharing his birthday month with Tessa, and her second in September not long before Renée had arrived.

“Yeah,” Tessa answers, her smile turning into a full grin now. “But I don’t think we exactly planned it that way,” she laughs, then turns more serious again.

Jordan leans in and finally puts her arms around Tessa, as though remembering how incredibly happy she is about her news. “Oh Tess, this is so great. I’m so glad for you guys, you deserve all the babies you want.” She squeezes her tight.

Tessa barks out a laugh, practically sputtering as she hugs her back. “I think just the one more will be fine,” she says. “Unless...oh dear Lord if it turns out to be twins I can’t imagine what I’ll do.”

Jordan pulls away, looking her over appraisingly. “Honestly, if it were twins I bet you’d be showing already,” she reasons. “Although they do say it’s more likely with older pregnancies…”

Tessa groans. But then it turns into laughter, and her sister joins her. They sit down on the stools at the counter, facing each other.

“You’re happy, though?” Jordan asks, like she’s making sure. “I know you guys really thought about this for a while.”

Tessa smiles again, feeling warmth in her face and then all over. “So happy.” She feels Jordan squeeze her hand and squeezes it back. “I mean, I’m already feeling tired, and a little queasy when I wake up. Scott’s been so good about getting the kids up and ready in the mornings. I feel like I’m going to end up leaning on him a lot in the next couple of months.”

“Good,” Jordan says, eliciting a raised eyebrow from Tessa. “Hey, let Scott take care of things he can do for all of you when he can. While you’re taking care of yourself. He’s good at doing that, and it lets him show off how much he loves you.”

Tessa blinks, thinking that might be one of the truest things her sister’s ever said. She nods back. “I will. I should, you’re right.”

“Oh, but do the kids know yet?” Jordan asks. “I remember we didn’t tell Jake about Nathan until I was a good few months in.”

Tessa shakes her head. “No, not yet. We want to give it until the second trimester to be safe, I just…” she swallows. “I just want to make sure everything’s okay first.”

There’s been no indication of anything to be concerned about yet, and there’s every chance it will stay that way, but it’s still so early. Tessa is insistent on waiting until the first few months are in the clear and Scott’s supported that decision. As happy as he is about the pregnancy she’s also glimpsed hints of other feelings from him every so often - like he’s trying not to let in the worries or the fears, actively focusing on the hopeful and good things. It’s something she wants to check in with him about.

“Of course,” Jordan answers again, an understanding expression on her face. Then she’s back to confident reassurance and puts her arms around Tessa once more. “I’m sure it’s all going to be just fine. In a few months you’ll already be complaining about your back, and wishing the kid would stop moving around so much.”

Tessa laughs again, loudly and gladly over her sister’s shoulder. “Is it weird that I can’t wait for all of that? When I was having Lizzie I really thought she would be it for me, and now I get to do it all again. With _Scott_ ,” she adds, because there are still days when she still can’t quite believe this is her life now. It’s nothing at all the way she’d thought their lives would end up, not by a long shot. But in some ways it’s better than anything else she could have dreamed of.

“Yeah,” Jordan says, letting Tessa go again. She leans on the counter, her chin in one hand. Then her expression changes quickly. “Wait, does Mom know yet? Is this why you’re hiding out here this weekend instead of London?”

“No, and _no_ ,” Tessa says pointedly. “You’ve hardly been around the last month, you said you wanted to do a bookend party to finish the summer!” Which is true, and Jordan knows it - she’d enjoyed getting a full house with everyone here on Canada Day and hadn’t managed to repeat it yet. “Although being here is actually a side bonus in that way, I have to admit. I was hoping to hold out telling Mom until Thanksgiving since I’ll be just past the three months mark by then.”

Jordan raises her eyebrows. “If she doesn’t guess it by then I’ll give you a prize.”

“Deal,” Tessa answers, and then they’re both laughing again.

The sliding door to the backyard opens then, and the sound of laughter and splashing is amplified as Scott steps into the house. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you two gorgeous ladies,” he says warmly. He steps over and gives Jordan a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “You good, Jord?” When they’d arrived he’d been so focussed on corralling the kids and getting them settled in the backyard that he’d barely greeted Jordan before.

“Totally good,” she says. “It’s a nice day out, the kids are going to spend all afternoon in the pool and then fall asleep so hard tonight. And I get to see all of you. And, oh yeah,” she adds, her expression delighted. “You knocked up my little sister, Moir!” She swats him on the shoulder in affectionate congratulations, and Tessa laughs out loud again.

“Sure did,” Scott smiles, that happy and nervous but excited expression she’s seen from him every day since they found out. He reaches out to Tessa as he comes to stand next to her and wraps her in his arms.

“Congrats, guys, really.” Jordan's just grinning at them.

“I guess you really are stuck with me now, T,” Scott says as Tessa looks back at him. She knows she has a ridiculous smile on her face, too.

“I better be,” she tells him. “Because we’re about to have _five kids_ , kiddo.”

The next thing she knows Scott’s lips are covering hers. And her sister’s laughter is ringing in her ears, as the noises of their family enjoying the end of summer peal in the background.

 

*

A couple of weeks after the kids start school - the last year of preschool for Lizzie - Scott travels to Poland for a Junior Grand Prix event with Andrew and one of their younger teams. Now that Andrew is taking on more coaching responsibilities it’s helped Scott to feel more prepared for the year ahead - which, all things being equal, should go according to plan. He knows Tessa wants to stay involved as much as she can this year, but that she’s already looking at the calendar and her wheels are turning. For now, she’s said she’ll join Scott and his senior teams on the Grand Prix circuit, but after Nationals in January she’ll start easing off.

“Tess is good?” Andrew asks over dinner one evening, as Scott’s finishing typing out a few more messages to her. She’ll be in the middle of meetings this afternoon and he’s going to try to stay up to call her before going to sleep.

He looks back at Andrew, who’s looking at him curiously. “Yeah, she’s good. Busy week. I think she’s with Kaitlyn today, right? I think she was going to stay over.”

“Yeah, that’s what Kait said, too. Hope she’s not tiring Tess out too much,” he says, with what Scott would swear is a wink. As much as he’s been trying to keep mum about the baby news for another few weeks, he’s also wondered the last couple of days when their news will start to be obvious to the rest of the world. Or whether Kaitlyn has started suspecting anything in the last couple of weeks. He’s wondered sometimes if other women have a special radar for picking up on these things.

“Oh, well T always likes those days. They’ve got a good batch of clients now, should be a good season for them,” he says.

“For sure,” Andrew says. “I just mean, she’s on duty with all the kids this week, right? She’s got a lot on her plate.”

“Nothing she can’t handle,” Scott says, now certain that Andrew’s fishing around. He smiles gently. “Well, nothing she and the babysitter and the housekeeper can’t handle,” he corrects. Both he and Tess know full well their house wouldn’t function without a support crew of its own, and he’s more than grateful they have the resources to manage it.

“Great,” Andrew returns. “Well, be sure to let me and Kait know if you guys need...help with anything.”

“Thanks, I will. Believe me, I’m glad to have you back behind the boards this year. It’s going to be a good one.”

Andrew laughs a little, clapping his hand on Scott’s shoulder. “I think you might be right about that, my man.”

It’s a good trip overall, and their junior team places second which is about the best result they could have hoped for. But he finds it hard not to keep thinking about Tessa, not to mention spilling their news. He reaches for his phone to message her every chance he can.

When he gets back home again it’s still the middle of the afternoon there, and he’s glad when the taxi makes good time getting back from the airport. It’s about half an hour ahead of school pickup time and the house is quiet - save for Ringo running to greet him eagerly as he comes in the door. But he knows Tessa should have returned by now too, judging from her text messages after he’d landed.

He calls out a hello after shedding his coat and shoes, but doesn’t wait for her to answer, instead starting up the stairs when he hears her moving around.

“Honey, I’m home!” he says when he gets to the upstairs hallway, seeing her emerge from the bedroom, still wearing her workout clothes and a big smile.

“ _Finally_ ,” she breathes out, holding her arms out to him.

He sets down his suitcase and quickly closes the rest of the distance between them and kisses her firmly before wrapping her her up in his arms. “I know it wasn’t even a week, but it felt like longer.”

“I know,” Tessa says. “We had a good time here, but I missed you a lot. The kids did too, don’t worry, they’ll be harassing you later over whether you brought them anything back.”

“We’re covered,” he reassures her, thinking about the kids’ books he’d found at the airport bookstore. He’s never missed bringing them something home and he’s not about to start that now. “But right now I’m more interested in you, at least for the next...thirty minutes,” he says, glancing at his watch.

“Good, me too,” she answers, kissing him once more. “Oh, and Petra’s going to pick up the kids today, so actually we’ve got more like forty-five.”

“Have I mentioned that I love you,” he says, punctuating every word with another kiss.

She laughs, as his lips shift to her cheek, and then her neck. “Not in the last few minutes.”

He pulls back eventually, looking her over and taking in her athletic clothes and loose ponytail. “You were at the rink?”

“Yes, choreography with Sophia and Tomas. Shae-Lynn came this week, too, she’s going to talk to you about working with the dance teams a little more this year as I start to back off.”

He nods, remembering seeing her Instagram from earlier, with the group of them at the club. But then looks a little surprised at the idea that Tess might have let her in on the reasons why she’ll be stepping away. “Did you tell her?”

She shakes her head quickly. “No. I just talked about how I’ll be juggling a few different commitments this year and it might be an option. Although...I think she might suspect.”

“Yeah?”

Tessa shakes her head again, a resigned smile on her face. “I can’t tell for sure, but now that I’m waiting to tell people it sort of feels like I’ve got a big obvious sign above my head.”

He smiles too. Looking at her now he does wonder if she looks different even from when he last saw her the week before. If he looks at her closely he thinks her cheeks might be a little more full, her waist feels a little softer under under his hands.

“Just a few more weeks and we can tell everyone,” he says, and even he can hear the way he sounds now, all eager and heartfelt.

She nods back at him, nodding, her expression looking exactly the way she feels.

Scott leans in and kisses her once more on the lips and then the cheek, squeezing his hand at her hip.

“Anyway, I’m still all sweaty and was about to get cleaned up before you got back,” Tessa says then. “You were too fast.”

He lifts his eyebrows up and down. “Well what a coincidence, I just got off a plane and was going to get all cleaned up, too.” He slips his hand under the waistband of her leggings, over her hip.

“That _is_ a coincidence.” Her smile broadens. “Maybe we should do something about that, together.”

Scott lets her unbutton his shirt first, working them easily one at a time before slipping it off of his shoulders. Then she unbuckles his belt and unzips his trousers, before letting them fall so he can step out of them. Then he’s just there in his boxers, his hands reaching to touch her again as he gazes back at her.

In spite of the innuendo he finds he’s mostly happy just to be with her again, to see her smile, and hold her and talk to her. If all he got to do right now was kiss her and admire her, and make her feel loved, it would be more than enough.

He’d realized this week how much he’s become accustomed to working with her and travelling with her, having that professional partnership he leans on so much. And there will be more times like that to come in the next year or two, as their family grows by one more and Tessa will need to focus her world closer to home - even just for a little while. He’s so happy about this new change in their lives, but there are so many other changes that will come along with it, both significant and minute, and part of him isn’t quite ready for all of them just yet.

Tessa holds Scott’s gaze as he slips his hands underneath her sweatshirt and tee, lifting it up and off of her once she raises her arms above her head. He skims his hands along her body before hooking his fingers in the waistband of her leggings, and pulls them off, too. She takes care of her sports bra herself, removing it quickly and then she’s there just in her panties, mirroring him.

As he straightens he finds himself just looking at her. He steps closer, letting his hand drift gently along her hip, then her waist. His gaze follows his hand, tracing the curves of her body.

“What is it?” she asks gently.

“Nothing, just...you look different,” he says, awe in his voice.

“Yeah? I thought so too, but was wondering if it was just me,” she admits.

“No, you...There’s a difference for sure,” he emphasizes. His other hand comes to touch her other hip, and then they meet at her middle, holding her stomach. She’s still a few weeks away from her second trimester and it’s not quite as though she has a bump just yet, but there’s definitely a little more of her there than there used to be. Her stomach is rounder, her hips a little wider.

“I’ve just been wearing big sweatshirts and hoping no one else notices yet. That’s pretty much my whole plan for the next three weeks.”

He feels for her, that this amazing thing is happening and she’s trying to be so careful. As much as he has to try not to say anything yet, she’s the one walking around with it in the world.

“It’s okay, Scott,” she says then, understanding what he’s thinking. “It was like this with Lizzie, too, I know how it goes.”

He remembers that too, how she’d told him later on about how worried she’d been about people speculating about Lizzie’s father; And then how she had eventually decided to own her pregnancy with confidence, rumours be damned. She’d done campaign photo-shoots while pregnant and everything.

“How are you feeling?” Scott asks then, realizing he’s been with her for several minutes and hasn’t asked her that yet. When he looks back at her he searches her expression a little more, wondering if she’s more fatigued than she looks.

“Tired,” she answers, her smile easing off a little. She rests her hands on top of his where they’re settled against her stomach. “The queasiness comes and goes but mostly I’m just tired.” He lets out a concerned sigh, but she rescues him again before he can say anything else. “The afternoons have been okay,” she tells him, more matter-of-fact. “Same with dinnertime. Petra’s been a godsend this week with school drop-off and pickup. And Kaitlyn stayed over last night, it helped a lot actually. And there might have been a pizza night or two in there,” she adds, letting out a sigh of her own.

“You’re amazing, T,” he says. He means it to be upbeat but instead it comes out more serious, like there’s a lot of other things he’d like to say instead but those are the words that came first.

Her smile returns as she breathes out a half-laugh. She runs one hand on his cheek and then kisses him again.

“Come shower with me,” is all she says, her voice warm and grateful.

He doesn’t need to be asked twice.

*

The next couple of weeks settle down a bit again, feeling the closest to normal that they’ve had in a while. None of Scott’s teams are headed to Autumn Classic, and so there’s a lull before Thanksgiving and then the beginning of the Grand Prix circuit. Tessa settles on a local midwife practice - Miryam is their main contact, and another woman named Denise - who she wants to work with this time, reminding Scott of the good experience she’d had when she was pregnant with Lizzie and would like to repeat.

She goes for another ultrasound and the two of them leave with photos and a due date in the first half of April - as well as confirmation that they are indeed expecting just one baby. The strong sound of the baby's heartbeat rings in their ears.

Every day it starts to feel more and more real, now. They really are doing this, in just over six months they really will be a whole new family all over again. Of _seven._ He’s thrilled and terrified all at once.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving, they take a morning to themselves once all the kids are off to school, ready to talk out so many things. It reminds him of household meetings they’d started doing a year and a half ago, when they were preparing for the move and wanted to make sure they were planning and communicating in the right ways. And in some ways not unlike the team meetings they’d have at the beginning of the year, back in the day.

This one feels more like a summit, a turning point. They’re getting closer to the point when they said they'd start telling everyone their news -  in about a week Tessa's pregnancy shifts from first trimester to second, when the changes in their lives will be known to everyone, become more and more real in every way. And before all of that happens, there are some conversations they need to have.

They’ve already talked through the season and their professional commitments - oddly that had all gone fairly easily, and they both felt good about where they’d landed. Tessa will continue to work with the two senior teams for the Grand Prix season, and commit to two coaching and choreography days a week at the club for both juniors and seniors as long as she feels comfortable. But after Nationals she’ll reduce her travel, and keep her coaching time behind the boards only, and local. For his part, he’ll team up with Andrew to fill any of her absences in the schedule, and expect to stick to the calendar as planned unless something unpredicted happens. With Worlds a few weeks ahead of Tessa’s due date, they decide they’ll expect Scott to attend, but will make some backup plans closer to the event just in case.

“Okay, what’s on your list,” Tessa says, joining him at the kitchen table, the other side of the corner where he’s sitting. Ringo follows her, just like he's started doing more and more lately, and settles himself at her feet once she sits down. She’s got her mug of decaf and her tablet is showing her notes panel with what looks like a page full of list items.

“You are definitely way ahead of me, I can tell you that much,” he says, glancing once more at the length of the list on her screen. He looks down at the haphazard notes he’s managed to get onto his phone in the last few weeks. But there are so many more things that are just floating in his mind, taking up more and more space until they have the chance to talk them out.

“I bet we overlap, though. What’s first on your list?”

“Petra,” he starts, and she’s nodding, tapping a check-box on her screen. “We need her full time, T. If not her then someone else.”

“Oh, I agree,” Tessa says, and he’s relieved. He knows there will be more times in the next six months when he’ll be away without her, and he doesn’t like the idea of leaning on his parents every time. “I don’t think it needs to be weekends - unless it’s one where one of us is away - but definitely five days if she’s up for it.”

“I’ll talk to her next week. And what about the housekeeper, too?” They’ve had Sally coming once a week since Tessa and Lizzie moved in, and Scott honestly doesn’t know how the house would function without her. The amount of cleaning up will only increase once the baby comes.

She’s nodding again, checking another item on her list. “I was wondering that as well. Maybe we can ask her what she’d be up for. Even one more day a week, starting in a few months? I mean, the laundry alone Scott, once the baby’s here it’ll be--”

“Oh, I’m right there with you,” Scott says. “We'll want the extra help.” And it’s true that the boys have started to get better about picking up their rooms and doing their chores, but Renée still needs nudging sometimes. And Lizzie’s still little enough that she’s learning how to do her share of things piece by piece.

“And what about...Scott we haven't talked about bedrooms yet.”

“Bedrooms?”

Tessa sighs a little, her expression gentle. “For all of the kids, Scott. We haven't figured out where this one's going to sleep.” She touches a hand to her stomach, now more round and noticeable under her sweater, at least to anyone paying close attention.

“Right,” he says, seeing now what an obvious question it is. Admittedly he'd only gotten as far as visualizing the bassinette in their room, maybe making space for it in the corner closer to Tessa's side. And swapping out the armchair for something that rocks. “I…yeah, I guess we'd need to rearrange something. Well, someone. Maybe a couple of someones.” The boys were happy with their separate rooms now, he's not sure how they'd feel about sharing again.

“So, I was actually thinking about this,” she tells him, setting down her tablet. She's got that tone in her voice like she's about to present a twelve point plan. He still loves hearing it. “We could make over the guest room in the basement for one of the boys. Or, the basement's big enough maybe we just re-do it altogether and still keep a guest room down there, there'd still be room for a TV area, just smaller.”

Scott starts nodding along more the more she talks. It's the obvious solution, he sees now, and he wishes he'd thought of it too. “So, one of the boys moves down there, then. They...well it's probably Aidan, right?” Aidan plays music more than Max does, probably will keep that up as his dance and music lessons continue. Max mostly seems content to look after his hockey gear in the garage and play video games when he's not at practice. And Aidan uses the downstairs rec room more often too because there's more room for practicing steps - Tessa works with him on it sometimes.

Tessa’s smiling, nodding as well. “That was my idea, too. We should ask him what he thinks about the idea first, of course, but...I think he might like it.”

“Yeah, me too. And they’re getting older now, T, before we know it they’ll be teenagers.” He lets out a breath just thinking about it. “They should have their own spaces that fit them.” Plus, it occurs to him that Aidan’s current room is the one closest to his and Tessa’s bedroom, and if they re-made it into the baby’s room it would make a lot of other logistics a lot easier.

Her smile broadens. “I think so too. And then we can make up the baby’s room once Aidan’s moved.”

He laughs a little then. “You already have ideas about that too, don’t you?” he asks, betting she’s got an entire decorating plan laid out in her mind.

“Just a few ideas,” she answers, hedging a little. “But you should have a say, too, you’ll be spending plenty of time with the baby in there too, right?”

“ _Yes_ ,” he says right away. “Of course, yes.” One thing they actually have already talked about is feedings - she’d breast-fed Lizzie and expects to do the same for this baby. But if it works out for him to take some overnight shifts with bottles and she’s able to pump, then that’s what they’ll do, too. He looks at Tessa, taking her hand. “I’m going to be sleep deprived right along with you, kiddo. This is a team event, okay?”

Tessa chuckles too. “Okay. Good, I’m glad.” She squeezes his hand. “I’m glad to be doing this with you.” Her voice is quieter now, making him tune into her more closely all of a sudden.

“Me too,” he says, not sure if he’s more glad to be doing this with her too, or that he’s just glad _she_ has him. He thinks for maybe the thousandth time how different this will be for her from when she had Lizzie. He knows she wasn’t alone then, not really - she’s always had her family standing by her, and Kate had done so much to support Tessa in those early months. But he also knows Tessa must have had her share of lonely moments, of wondering how it could have been different. Selfishly, he’s glad she doesn’t have to wonder about that this time.

She swallows, blinking, and he thinks she must be reading his mind a little bit, feeling the same things and getting emotional. Or maybe it’s just her hormones kicking in, he’s heard her comment about that a few times already, how much more quickly her tears seemed to come these days. “I’d like to talk about the birth,” she says, and as soon as she says it he knows this is the real thing they need to be clear on. All of their preparations in the next several months will come into focus now based on what they decide.

He feels her squeeze his hand and then he nods, taking in a breath and letting it out again. “You’d like to do it at home again?” They’ve already begun care with a midwife team and both he and Tessa have been pleased so far, but they haven’t had this particular conversation yet.

“Yes,” Tessa nods. “Without a doubt, Scott, it’s what I want.”

It’s his turn to pause, thinking, listening as she says more about how her midwives have told them there’s no reason she couldn’t plan for a homebirth a second time, that she’s healthy and in good shape right now. And how she’d like to have her sister and mother there again, after how supportive they’d been the first time with Lizzie - they could help watch the kids if it came to it, even. She talks about how wonderful it had been to already be at home once Lizzie was there, to be in her own bed and surrounded by everything and everyone she needed.

He wants Tessa to have everything she wants for this baby’s birth, and intellectually he knows everything will probably be safe and healthy if they do it at home. But every time he thinks about it just remembers what it was like for him last time - how it felt to be on the other end of that phone, so far away from her and unable to do anything except talk to her; How terrifying it had been in those short moments before he’d seen her and talked to her, wondering if things might go badly. All of those feelings and more land on him all at once, and he’s suddenly very glad to be holding Tessa’s hand.

“Scott, talk to me,” she says. Her voice is so caring, and so gentle. “Tell me what it is.”

He takes in a breath, concentrating on the way his hand feels in hers, the way her thumb feels brushing across his knuckles. “It was...Tess, talking you through it the last time was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he says, and he realizes then it might be the first time he’s actually said that exact thing out loud. He can feel her looking back at him, her lips parting like she wants to say something, but is holding back. “I knew you were in good hands, I promise I _knew_ you were. And I know you weren’t far from the hospital if they’d needed to move you, and it would be the same for us here and we’re only a few minutes away,” he says, the words just coming out all at once now.

Tessa’s shifted closer to him, her other hand coming to reach for his so both of their hands are clasped together on the table between them. But she keeps listening, knowing there’s more he needs to get out.

“But there were a few minutes at first when I wondered if the worst might happen, if...if I was going to lose you, too.” His face feels hot all of a sudden, his eyes stinging. “And I could tell you were hurting, and you were so tired. Watching you in pain like that, T, I…” he pauses, unable to finish the sentence. “And when they said Chris needed to go in for a C-section with Renée, it all happened so _fast_ , it was like one minute she was having back pains and not sure what it meant, and the next minute they were just deciding everything and prepping her and putting a gown on me,” he stops, swallowing at the knot in his throat. His eyes feel wet now and he blinks hard.

Tessa brings a hand up to hold his cheek, then lets it drift to the back of his head, fingers running through the soft hairs at the back of his neck. “Hey, look at me,” she tells him, and he does. “Lizzie got here safe. Renée got here _safe_.” He nods, because she’s right. “And yes, when I had Lizzie it was painful, and probably it will be again, but honestly that wasn’t the worst part, Scott. I know about pain, I’ve done it before. The worst part...I don’t think I knew it at the time, not in a way that I could put into words. But I think the worst part was not having you with me. I needed your voice more than I realized I did, and if I could do it differently I wouldn’t change anything except calling you sooner.”

He falters under her gaze then, ducking his head. “Tess,” he breathes out, shaky.

“But this time,” she continues. “This time I’m going to have you with me right from the beginning. We both know that. And Miryam and Denise are going to take good care of me, and so will Mom and Jordan, because I want them with me too. And if it turns out we need the hospital then it's right there. But we’re all here now, together, and I promise you I am not going _anywhere_ ,” she says. Her voice had started out calm and steadying, but by the last few words he can hear the emotion rising, too.

Scott nods again quickly. “Well, if you promise you’re not going anywhere then I promise I won’t either,” he says, his voice hoarse. In reality he knows she can’t truly promise anything like that, and that she knows that too. Neither of them know for sure what could happen, the events of the last few years have more than proven that. But when she tells him she’s not going anywhere he believes it, he has to. And there’s something about saying all of this out loud with her like this, that makes it seem less scary now than it felt a few minutes ago.

He clears his throat and then gives a decisive nod. He needs to be done being scared about this.  “Whatever you want, T, we’ll do it.”

She smiles, a tearful laugh escaping her. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes,” he says, confident that it’s true. “I just want you and the baby to be healthy, everything else...everything else is bonus.”

Tessa kisses him, her lips pressing insistently and then more softly against his. When they part he just leans his forehead against hers, breathing her in. “This is a team event, kiddo,” she says, repeating his words back to him. “You and me together, okay?”

“Like always, T. Like always.”  


*

That evening Tessa gets a call from her mother. Scott’s upstairs getting everyone to bed while she’s in the living room with her calendar and laptop in front of her, trying to plan out the major events of at least the next few months. Their conversation that morning had been so needed, and they’d made a lot of good decisions, now they would just need to start following through. Some things will need to wait - they can’t start any renovations or redecorating yet - but they know what birth plan they’ll be aiming for, and when they need to arrange support for the kids during the remaining few times Tessa and Scott will be away travelling at the same time.

She answers the phone and chats easily with Kate for a few minutes, mostly about Thanksgiving plans. They’re hosting everyone here in Toronto this year instead of heading to London - Kate and the Moirs will join them for dinner on Sunday, as well as Jordan and her family. They’re hoping Sarah and Isabel will be able to come again, too, if Isabel’s medical practice can spare her.

They’ve planned to make it a combined Thanksgiving dinner and a family birthday party for Max and Aidan, who are turning ten. They’ll do their ‘real’ party with their friends the following weekend but both of them wanted to make sure their family had the chance to celebrate with them, too. And that definitely includes the Virtues as well as the Moirs. They also expect to share their news about the baby, by then, and want to make sure the boys have a good celebration so they don’t feel overshadowed by the news.

“I have some new video games for Max, and some comics for Aidan,” Kate tells her. “I thought maybe something more, though, is there something else they want? Or need?”

Tessa laughs out loud, entirely charmed by the question. “Those will be just fine, Mom,” she says. In their time together in the last year especially, Scott's talked to Tessa about the gift situation and not wanting to spoil them too much every single time. As they get older he wants them not to start expecting too much from gift events, and she thinks it's a good idea. She's noticed even when he brings them things back after travelling it's usually a book or a game, something they can learn from or play with together.

“Are you sure? It's a big birthday and I just want to...well…” She pauses and Tessa smiles.

“You want them to know they're special to you,” Tessa finishes for her. It's been one of the loveliest, most touching things, watching her mother forge relationships with Scott's kids. She's not quite a second grandma to them yet, but Tessa thinks she'll get there before too long.

“Yes,” Kate says simply. “That's what I want.” She can hear the emotion in her mother's voice and it makes her choke up a little too.

“So,” Tessa says after a moment. She clears her throat. “Which games did you get for Max?”

Kate reads off the titles but Tessa doesn't recognize any of them. It's a good reminder to spend some time with him when he's playing them sometime soon.

Before long she finds herself yawning, even though it’s well ahead of when she would usually be getting to bed. She looks forward to getting her energy back before too long.

“Are you feeling well, honey?” Kate asks. “You seem tired.”

“I'm good, Mom,” Tessa answers. “Just need a couple of early nights. Scott's on bedtime duty this week so I might manage it.”

“Good man,” Kate says. “Let him take care of you.”

It's an echo of what Jordan was just telling her almost a month ago when she'd told her their news about the baby. Briefly Tessa's grateful she's on the phone and not video. She thinks Kate might take one look at her and guess everything. As it is she's already been wondering if her mother suspects.

“And what about the spring, darling?” Kate asks next, and Tessa freezes. Scott walks into the room then, looking ready to just sit. They've all had a long day.

“The spring, mom?” Tessa asks back, looking at Scott with wide eyes as he joins her on the couch.

“ _Kate_?” Scott mouths, pointing at the phone. Tessa nods.

“Yes, you girls were talking about France in March, or maybe Italy? For Jordan's forty-fifth?”

“France for Jordan's birthday,” she repeats, and Scott nods in understanding. Almost on reflex she opens her hand towards him and he takes it.

“Tessa am I the only one who remembers talking about this? When I mentioned it to your sister the other day it sounded like she had changed her mind.”

“Yes, I remember now, Mom,” Tessa says. They’d talked about it briefly back in August when they were at the cottage. And then since then...well, a few other things had happened.

“I still think it’s a nice idea,” Kate says. “We don’t need to do a villa or anything, but it would be nice to find a house rental and I’m worried we might already be too late in the game for a spring trip if we don’t book something soon.”

“Yes, that is true,” Tessa answers, still looking at Scott. There’s no way she can get out of this conversation without telling her mother everything, she realizes now. Scott’s looking back at her with a warm expression and a half-smile on his face, and then he just nods.

“I know Worlds will be the end of March but what about just after that? Or just before? if we did it close to Jo’s actual birthday that would be ideal I think.” There’s a pause then, as Tessa just blinks, holding the phone to her ear. She wants to tell Kate the news, wants to explain everything, but suddenly the words just aren’t coming. She’s a grown woman and yet the words, ‘ _Mom, I’m pregnant’_ just hover in her mind as she can only get as far as opening her mouth. “Honey, are you still there?”

Scott gestures to take the phone and Tessa hands it over, nodding wordlessly. She squeezes his hand in affirmation. “Hey, Kate,” Scott says, putting her on speakerphone.

“Scott!” Kate answers warmly. “I was hoping to catch you too, I have some gifts for the boys and hope they’ll be okay.”

He chuckles, not at all worried. “They’ll be great, Kate, my guys always love the gifts from you. They still have their hoodies you brought from Banff last Christmas.”

“Oh I’m glad.”

“So, about that plan for Jordan’s getaway, you might need a rain cheque from Tessa,” he says, just diving right in.

“Tessa?” Kate asks, her tone shifting a little. “Is everything okay, darling?”

“Everything’s great, mom,” Tessa says, having found her voice again, and a grin to match. “It’s just...by Worlds I’m going to be about eight and a half months along, so France and Italy will have to wait.” She leans her head against Scott’s shoulder.

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, then. Tessa squeezes Scott’s hand, waiting. She’s about to say something else when they hear a quick sniffle. “Mom?” Tessa asks, her voice soft. “What I mean is...I’m pregnant. _We’re_ pregnant. The baby’s due in April.”

“Oh, Tessa,” Kate says, and Tessa can hear the emotion in her voice. “You’re really having a baby?”

“Yeah, we are,” Scott answers. “We’re pretty happy about it, too, Kate. We hope you won’t mind adding another grandchild to the family.”

Tessa thinks if she smiles any harder she might burst. She turns her head into Scott’s shoulder and wraps her arms around his waist. He presses a kiss to the top of her head.

She can hear her mother crying now. “That’s wonderful, sweethearts. I...I’m so happy for you, you deserve this. And so do the kids, oh how lovely.”

They both laugh with her, then. They talk for a little while longer, about when they’d found out and how everything is going so far, and their plans. When Tessa asks Kate if she’ll be there again for the birth she cries again, but is quick to say yes.

Eventually they sign off, still tired but now glad to have shared the news. Tessa tucks her feet up on the couch beside her and nestles closer to Scott. He wraps his arms around her. “Well, that’s one mom down, one to go, I guess.”

Tessa groans, just leaning against him. “We will tell her. Soon,” she says, yawning widely.

“Let’s get you to bed, tired pretty lady.”

“You say the sweetest things to me.” She kisses him quickly, and then lets him do exactly that.  


*

It turns out to be only a few days later when Alma and Joe find out. Alma makes the trip into Toronto the following weekend, offering to take the boys to the zoo for some special grandma time in advance of the combined Thanksgiving/birthday celebrations. Scott takes the call from her the day before and the next morning they get the boys ready to go with snacks and lunch money in their backpacks. They plan to have them for dinner and tell everyone then but don’t quite get that far.

Alma arrives just as Scott's managed to get Max together, and Tessa's upstairs getting Aidan sorted out.

“Hey, Mom,” Scott greets her with a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for this, the guys will have a great time. Eh, Max?”

Max nods, excited but intent. “They're supposed to have a new lion cub now, and a new rhino. _Everyone_ else has been to see them already,” he says as though Scott should know this.

“I'm sure not _everyone_ ,” Alma answers, in a tone of voice that Scott's heard many times over the years, especially when he was younger. “Besides, if you'd been before then me and Grandpa wouldn't get to take you now, would we?”

“No,” Max admits.

Renée runs downstairs then, happy to see her grandmother. “Gramma!”

Alma hugs her eagerly. “How are you my dear?”

Renée rattles off a bunch of updates about things that Scott thinks he's only heard half of so far - friends’ names and sleepover invites and the latest cool toys. He nods along a little bewildered but Alma seems to understand what all of it means.

“Can I come with you?” Renée asks in her best pleading voice. Scott can't help but be a little impressed. If it was anyone besides his mother he thinks she might get away with it. Well, or him and Tessa.

“Today's just for me and the boys, sweetie. When it's your birthday we'll do something special too, okay?” She strokes a hand underneath her chin.

“And anyway, we're going to have some daddy daughter time today,” Scott adds, one hand on Renée's shoulder. “Movie and manicures, right?” Renée giggles, appeased.

“ _Yeah_ ,” she says. “I’m going to get blue and purple,” she reports to Alma. “But Daddy never gets a colour on his nails when we go.” Scott laughs, running one hand over her hair.

“Which I keep telling him is a real shame,” Tessa says, making her way down the stairs just behind Aidan. Her hair’s still damp from the shower and she’s just got a t-shirt pulled on over her leggings. “Nothing wrong with a bit more colour,” she winks at Scott.

Aidan runs to get his jacket and backpack just like Max. “T said we could use one of the old phones for photos,” he says, stuffing a phone into his jacket pocket that Scott recognizes as the one Tessa replaced about a year ago. He nods approvingly and looks over at Tessa, who’s glad to see it was an okay move.

“In that case I look forward to the full report later,” Scott says. He looks at his mother. “You guys will stay for dinner after, right? Hang out a bit?” He looks back to Tessa who’s nodding. They thought they would share their announcement then, when his mom and dad and all the kids were there.

“Sure, son,” Alma says. “That will be fine.” But she only glances at him quickly before returning to looking at Tessa. She’s staring at her with a curious, fascinated expression that turns more and more tender. It’s not too long before Tessa starts looking back at Alma the same way, both recognizing the same thing. She smiles gently, and then looks over at Scott. Alma clears her throat and looks over at the twins. “Boys, I’ll be right behind you at the car, okay? Renée, why don’t you go say hi to Grandpa Joe before we head out, he’ll love it.”

The kids all make their way out to the front driveway and Scott can hear their voices chattering, and then his dad’s chiming in, too. Tessa’s come all the way down the steps now and has inched her way closer to Scott, so they’re all in the foyer together. When he looks back to his mother she’s got the most hopeful expression on her face.

“Tessa, am I...Tell me if i’m seeing something that’s not there, or if I’m off base here, but…” she pauses, like she’s second guessing herself all of a sudden. Scott laughs a little, and puts his hand at Tessa’s back. She shakes her head, and Scott can see her cheeks going a little pink.

“I think you’re seeing just fine,” Tessa says. She presses both of her hands flat against her stomach, one higher than the other to emphasize the extra roundness that’s appeared there, and how her waist has already thickened. She nods, smiling as Alma looks on. When Tessa smiles now Scott’s noticed the new fullness in her cheeks, too, as well as her changing figure, and he thinks his mother is probably seeing all of that and more, right now.

“Oh!” Alma exclaims, one hand flying to cover her mouth. “Are you? You _are_ _?_ Oh, my dear,” she says, and then just reaches her arms out to Tessa. They hold each other so gladly, and Scott can’t help but smile and laugh along with them. This part is pretty great, he thinks to himself, the part where they get to start sharing their joy with everyone else around them. It’s not just their secret anymore. “You look beautiful,” she tells Tessa, her voice muffled against her shoulder. “You’re just glowing, you know that?”

“The baby’s coming in April, Mom,” Scott says as she and Tessa separate again. Tessa’s blinking at happy tears, and his mother’s wiping at her cheeks with one hand. He thinks his mother is definitely right about the ‘glowing’ part.

“Oh that’s wonderful. Wonderful, just _wonderful_. I didn’t think...well this is just the best possible news!” She brings Scott in for a hug this time, holding him so tightly.

“We’re going to tell the kids tonight, if you’ll be there with us we’d love it,” Scott says.

“Of course! Of course,” she says. “I’ll be the worst actress in the world all day, but...thank you for telling me, I’m so happy for all of you. Congratulations my dears,” she pats Scott’s cheek and then reaches over to give Tessa a kiss on the cheek.

A moment later she’s out the door with a definite spring in her step, and Tessa and Scott watch and wave as they drive off. He wraps Tessa up just like he’s done so many times in the last few weeks.

“I get the feeling they’re going to be okay with one more grandkid,” he says. And then Tessa’s just laughing in his arms.  


*

After that weekend, everyone starts finding out - they tell the kids, then the rest of their extended family, and start letting in their coworkers and friends on the news as they’re able. Everyone’s excited for them, and it opens up a lot of new conversations about the year ahead and what their plans are.

On the whole, both Scott and Tessa are happy with how well the kids are adjusting to the news about the baby. The boys mostly seem embarrassed at the idea of acknowledging that their father and Tessa are engaging in activities that would result in a baby, and there are moments when Scott thinks Max might be thinking a few things over - but otherwise seem to be taking it in stride. Renée is the most excited by far, asking more and more questions as the weeks go by.

In the end, it’s Lizzie who turns out to have the most struggle with it. Her apparent calmness about it in the beginning gives way to curiosity and then confusion. Her questions become more about how the baby happened in the first place, and what it all means.

So, when Lizzie’s birthday comes around in November they make sure her gifts include a few special books about becoming a big sister, and how babies are made. One of them becomes a favourite, which both Tessa and Scott read with her a couple of times, and then a few days later Scott sees Lizzie reading it with Renée, too. It makes him realizes how he hasn’t had a real birds-and-the-bees talk with any of his kids, yet - though he’s definitely sure Max and Aidan know quite a lot, by now - and talking about all of this now with Lizzie is probably helpful in more ways than one.

Still, it takes a while for Lizzie to make sense of it all. The weekend after her birthday Scott finds himself shuttling the kids back and forth during the afternoon, picking up Max from a friend’s house before taking Renée off to a birthday party. Later he’ll pick her up again and drop off Aidan at another sleepover. When he comes back from leaving Renée at her party, he finds Tessa and Lizzie together on the couch, the baby book open between them. He winks at Tessa and sits on one of the armchairs, ready to jump in if she wants him to but otherwise happy not to interrupt.

“But how did the baby get in your tummy?” Lizzie asks. She’s got one of her little hands on Tessa’s stomach, which, at four months along has already popped out more roundly. He knows Tessa’s started to feel little kicks and movement, although it’s not yet noticeable to others - much to Scott’s envy, he admits. But the fact that her pregnancy is more visible now has made the conversation that much more real for Lizzie, too.

Scott smiles as Tessa takes in a breath before answering calmly - she’s answered this question several times already. “Me and Daddy Scott made the baby together, sweetheart. When two grownups love each other very much, they can make a baby together inside the mama,” she says. Lizzie leans close to Tessa, tucked under her arm as they read a couple of the pages over again that explain more details. Lizzie nods along and repeats more of what Tessa says. Scott smiles, and then comes to sit on the end of the couch on the other side of where Lizzie’s sitting.

“And I grew in your tummy, too?” Lizzie asks Tessa then, sitting up a little more.

“Of course you did, sweetheart,” Tessa says. “See?” She’s got a familiar photo album next to her, too, and they look at one page in particular with some photos of Tessa from when she was pregnant the first time. On the next page there are a few shots of her holding a brand new Lizzie.

She puts one hand on the small firm curve of her stomach. “You grew right here too, and then after nine months you were ready to come out.”

“I came out when I was big enough,” Lizzie says.

“Yes, that’s right. When you were big enough inside me, then it was time for you to be born.”

“That was my birthday,” Lizzie reports next, grinning, and Tessa laughs gently.

“Yes, it was. It was a very, very special day.” Tessa moves her hand to Lizzie’s head, stroking some of her hair out of her face and then brushing her cheek lovingly. “It was the best day, because that’s when I had you, and got to hold you in my arms for the very first time.”

He can’t argue with Tessa there, Scott thinks. Over Lizzie’s head Tessa looks over at Scott and makes eye contact and he gives her his best reassuring glance, along with a gentle smile.

Lizzie giggles, then. She looks at more of the book with Tessa, and then sits up again, a brand new question coming to her. “Did Daddy Scott put me in your tummy, too?”

Tessa’s eyes widen a little, and she glances once more at Scott and then back to Lizzie. This isn’t a question she’s asked before. Suddenly Scott has a knot in his stomach, realizing how overdue some other conversations truly are, and he knows from the expression on Tessa’s face that she realizes the same thing.

Tessa blinks and takes in a quick breath. “No, sweetheart,” she says, shaking her head. “That was someone else.”

Lizzie’s expression is pure confusion, then. “But...but Daddy Scott is my daddy,” she says, like she doesn’t understand how there could be a different explanation.

She shifts closer to Lizzie, one hand on her back. “You’re right, Lizzie, he is your daddy now,” Tessa says. “But he didn’t make you with me, that’s all.”

“But...But mamas and daddies love each other,” Lizzie tries to explain, her four-year-old explanations seeming to fail her. “And that’s what makes the baby.”

Scott’s nodding along with Tessa, ready now to jump in and thinking of what to say next to help. But before he can say anything, Lizzie immediately bursts into tears.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay,” Scott says, just expressing the first things in his mind. “We both love you _so_ much, that’s always going to be true.”

He wants to tell her he wishes he’d been the one to help make her with Tessa, just like they made this baby together. But he can’t say that - and he knows Tessa can’t either. That was another time - other lives, really. And if Lizzie’s conception had happened differently then that would have had to happen under very different circumstances, some of which he’d never change in a heartbeat. And he loves Lizzie and would never wish for her to be anyone else than who she is. He just wishes there were a way to explain that to her that makes sense, because truthfully he wonders if it only makes sense to him, sometimes, or Tessa.

Lizzie’s tears continue, big, wet tears that roll down her cheeks as quickly as he’s seen from her. Tessa just gathers her in her arms, then, lifting her all the way into her lap as best she can. She holds her and kisses her forehead, talking to her in a gentle voice.

“You’re my sweet girl,” Tessa says, her voice steady and even, in the way that he can tell means she’s working hard to sound calm and reassuring, although her expression tells him different. “You’re always going to be my girl, and me and Daddy Scott love you and we’re your Mama and Daddy, forever and ever,” she tells Lizzie, her voice wobbling a little now.

As Tessa rocks her back and forth, steadily, Scott lets his hand come to rest on Lizzie’s back. He’s not sure if she registers his touch, but she doesn’t resist it either, and that’s a small mercy right now.

By now Ringo has joined them, alerted by the noise. He approaches them, whimpering curiously, and Scott scratches his ears as he sits and waits with them.

As Lizzie starts to quiet a little more, so does Tessa. She keeps sitting with her a little longer, Lizzie curled against her. He can see her breathing in and out, doing as much to steady herself as well as her daughter.

“Should we go find Mrs. Moose?” Tessa says after a few more moments, and Scott knows that’s a sign for them to head up for naptime. “Do you want Daddy Scott to go with you?” she asks, hopeful, but Lizzie just clings closer to Tessa. “Okay, let’s go together, you and Mama.”

He watches as they make their way upstairs with Lizzie leading the way and Ringo following. Scott manages to catch Tessa’s hand briefly before they do. He purses his lips in a kiss and she does the same, but he can tell she’s going to need more than a few minutes to bounce back from this one. Truthfully, he does, too. He feels heavy inside, like he’s disappointed both Tessa and Lizzie somehow.

The house feels too quiet then.

Scott’s glad he doesn’t need to sit in it for too long though, since it’s soon time for him to leave to go pick up Renée. Before heading out, he goes upstairs to look in on Lizzie quickly, and is glad to see she’s indeed napping, clutching her stuffed moose. He ducks his head in to the master bedroom, too, and sees Tessa reclined on the bed on her side, one arm wrapped around her middle. He can tell she’s resting, breathing gently and quietly in light sleep.

He collects Aidan and they head out to his friend’s house for a pizza night and sleepover. Scott spends the drive there happy to let Aidan chatter about whatever he likes - the kids who are coming to the sleepover party, the latest comic books everyone’s reading, the music Aidan wants to try out at dance club this year.

Then he fetches Renée, and he’s further boosted to see she’s had a great time, practically bouncing back to the car. He suspects part of that is a decent sugar high from the birthday cake and other treats, but mostly he’s happy she’s had a good time, and there haven’t been any tears.

Scott spends the rest of the drive back half-lost in thought, while Renée tells him everything about the party, especially excited that one of the other girls invited her to her birthday party too, in a few weeks. She shows him her brimming goodie bag and points out some stickers that she wants to give to Lizzie, as well as a paper crown. He smiles, patting his hand on her shoulder.

“That’s a great idea, sweetie. I think she would like some cheering up today.”

“Why?” Renée asks, concerned. “Did something bad happen?”

“No, nothing bad,” he answers right away. “She’s just...She’s doing a lot of adjusting to the new baby coming.”

“Oh,” Renée says, like she’s thinking. “But doesn’t she want to be a big sister? I thought she was happy about that part.”

He smiles again. Of all the kids Renée’s responded the most eagerly to the news of the baby. She’s been asking a lot of questions about where the baby will sleep, and if it’s a boy or a girl, and how long babies sleep for and when do they start talking and walking around, and so on. If anything he thinks they might have to remind her to be patient, that it’ll be a little while before the baby will be old enough to really play with her and the others. But he loves that she’s excited about it.

They stop briefly at a red light and he taps out a quick message to Tessa, letting her know they’re almost home. He thinks about what to say to Renée next. “I think Lizzie will like being a big sister once the baby comes,” he explains. “But she’s always been the youngest up until now, so this is a big change for her. And she’ll have to share T with the new baby, too.”

“But all of us already have to share T, anyway,” Renée says, like it’s so clear. And the fact that she’s thinking about it that way makes him love her even more, because it means she already thinks of Tessa in a way that’s like...well, that’s as though Tessa means the same to her that she means to Lizzie.

The red light changes and then they’re moving again, making the turn onto their street. “I know, honey,” Scott says. “Just like you have to share me, too, right?” From the side of his vision he can see Renée nodding. “But that’s harder for her because she didn’t have a daddy before, remember? It was just her and T.”

“Oh,” Renée says, like that hadn’t occurred to her before. But he knows Tessa’s told them about that before, a long time ago when she was first expecting and his kids had asked so many questions. He’s not sure how much they remember from that time, but hasn’t seen the need to get into it unless they need to. “But she has you now!” Renée says then, as though it should be so obvious that everything is okay the way it is. “You’re her daddy now so it’s okay.”

“Yeah,” he responds, laughing a little. He’s amazed and impressed by his daughter, all the time, in so many ways. “You’re right, kiddo, I am. I want to be. And I’m glad you think so too.”

They pull up to their house and Scott taps their security code while the gate opens, and then they roll into the driveway.

When they get back into the house it’s still quiet, which tells him Lizzie must either still be napping or she’s playing in her room, and probably Tessa is still taking a breather, too. He hears and then sees Ringo moving down the stairs to greet them and guesses he’s been guarding the rooms upstairs, which means both his other girls are still up there, too.

“Honey, can you do me a favour and go see if Lizzie’s awake from her nap yet?” Scott asks Renée, helping her out of her coat while she kicks off her boots. “Make sure she’s feeling better?”

She doesn’t need to be asked twice, and is already scampering up the stairs, her goodie bag from the party clutched in her hands. He sets his keys in the bowl on the hall table and hangs up his jacket. From the rec room downstairs he can hear faint video game noises, which tells him Max is happily occupied. He looks at the clock, realizing he’ll need to put on dinner soon, and so he heads into the kitchen to make sense of the supplies they’ve got.

After a few minutes he’s got the ingredients for a halfway decent stir fry collected, and set out the pots and pans ready to start cooking. But it feels strange not having checked in with Tessa yet. He glances at his phone and she hasn’t answered his message from earlier.

He makes his way upstairs and is surprised when he sees Tessa sitting on the very top step. She’s hunched a little like she’s listening to something, her hands clasped on top of her knees. He pauses, and she looks up when she notices him.

“T, what--”

Tessa puts one finger in front of her lips, stopping his words. He steps quietly up in front of her, listening like she is, and then it’s just a couple of seconds later when he hears the girls talking. He can’t quite make out what Renée says just then but Lizzie’s words next are very clear.

“Mama said Daddy Scott isn’t my daddy for real,” Lizzie says, her clear voice echoing from their room. “He didn’t make me with Mama like they made the baby.” Scott’s looking right at Tessa and he can see her conflicted expression. He reaches out a hand to her and she takes it, and they both wait and listen some more.

“I know,” they hear Renée say next.

Lizzie continues. “I wish he was my daddy for real.”

“But it’s okay, he can be your daddy now,” Renée adds a little more softly, so matter-of-fact it makes Scott smile. He loves hearing his daughter like this, so generous and caring, but acting like it’s just the obvious thing. If he mentioned it to Tessa he knows she would tell him Renée learned it from him, but really he thinks it’s all Renée - how she’s decided to navigate the world - and it makes him proud in a way he can’t put into words.

“He’s a good daddy,” Lizzie says, like she’s agreeing with Renée.

Scott squeezes Tessa’s hand as if on reflex, then. He’s relieved to see Tessa’s expression soften, a smile starting to form on her lips.

“He’s the best. My mommy was the best too, but she’s not here anymore.” Renée’s voice sounds sad, but calm, like she’s relaying facts.

Scott goes completely still, then. He feels Tessa’s hand in his and sees her expression shift, still waiting and listening but more alert now.

“She’s pretty,” Lizzie says next, and he realizes now they must be looking at the photos on the wall. “Her smile is nice.” There’s an old photo of the five of them in front of their old house in Montreal, he can picture it in its frame hanging with a few others on the wall between their beds - a group photo on the twins’ first day of kindergarten, Renée would have been a few months away from turning three, then.

“Daddy says I smile like her. And my freckles are from her.”

Tessa smiles then, too. She pulls at Scott’s hand and he finally comes to join her, sitting down next to her on the top stair. She puts both hands on his shoulders and kisses his cheek firmly, then they just lean together with one arm around each other.

“My mama says I smile like her too,” Lizzie says, and Scott knows that’s definitely true. There are times he feels like he’s looking into a time machine when he’s with Lizzie, like she’s a carbon copy of her mother. It happens when she smiles, yes, but just as often when she’s determined, or thinking hard about something. As he’s watched her grow up there are more and more moments like that, and he loves being here for them.

“Of course you do!” Renée says brightly.

There’s a pause, then, and some other words Scott can’t quite make out. But the next thing Lizzie says is unmistakably clear.

“Is my mama yours now too?” she asks Renée. “Like Daddy Scott is my daddy now.”

“Well...yeah,” Renée answers, like it’s an odd thing to doubt. “She’s not Mommy. But she and Daddy love each other and all of us. So it is sort of like she’s our mama too.”

Tessa brings a hand to cover her mouth, a half-gasp, half-laugh escaping her. She turns her head to Scott’s shoulder, shuddering in a way that he can’t tell if she’s upset or relieved - probably both, he thinks.

Scott wraps his arm more firmly around her. “I love you, T. All of you.” He presses a kiss to her forehead. “We’re all going to be okay,” he tells her.

He feels her nodding against his shoulder. She gasps out a laugh again and when she lifts her head there are tears on her face but also the biggest smile he’s seen from her in days. All of a sudden relief and gratitude wash over him.

In a few minutes Lizzie and Renée will come running out of the room, and Lizzie will explain to Tessa how Scott can be her real daddy now even if he wasn’t her real daddy before. And Scott will give Renée the biggest, tightest hug he can. Later he’ll listen to her tell him what she and Lizzie talked about and if was okay that they talked about it, and Scott will overwhelmingly reassure her that it was. But for the moment he and Tessa stay where they are, wrapped in each other’s arms, comforted by their children’s words.

 

*

Lizzie fares better over the next week or two, her questions about the baby shifting to curiosity and excitement more so than anxiety. But Tessa’s still having worries in the back of her mind, about whether Lizzie will still feel good about the new baby once Tessa’s more occupied. So she decides to make sure she’ll have a little bit of Mama-and-Lizzie time every week as much as she can until her due date arrives.

And since Lizzie’s old enough to try her first pair of skates and set out on the ice for the first time, Tessa decides now’s the moment to try her out with her very first lesson. She also knows that before too long she’ll reach the point where she won’t feel comfortable stepping out onto the ice herself. Sure, Lizzie’s come with them to the rink before, and they’ve all been to the skating arenas at home in London and Ilderton, too, so it’s not an unfamiliar setting. But she’s never put on skates before, and Tessa finds herself unwilling to entertain the possibility that her daughter’s first real time on the ice might happen without her.

So, she makes her way to the Granite Club one morning when Shae-Lynn is on duty, and enlists Anna to meet her there, as well. She’d hoped Scott would be able to come too, they’d made a plan to both be there originally - but then at the last minute he’d had to accompany Suzanne and Ken to the hospital after they’d taken a bad fall in practice. It seemed Ken was mostly bruised but it had left Suzanne with a significant gash down one side of her leg. Scott had been texting Tessa all morning with updates but hadn’t managed to leave yet.

Lizzie knows Anna well enough and she runs up to her, excited to see her. “Where’s Nadiya?” she asks right away.

Anna crouches down to talk to her at her own level, happy to see her. “Oh, she’s at home with her daddy today, sweetie,” she reports. “But you and me and Mama are going to have a special treat today, okay? We’re going to do some skating together!”

“I like treats,” Lizzie says, both thoughtful and intrigued. She takes Tessa’s hand and they walk towards the benches near the edge of the rink.

“Me too,” Tessa agrees emphatically. Tessa recognizes a few of the young skaters on the ice with Shae-Lynn and waves hello, and receives a quick greeting back. She’s glad there isn’t a big audience yet.

Tessa unzips her skating bag and starts swapping her boots for the skates. “You going to skate too, Mama?”

“Yep. And you too, sweetie, you want to try? All three of us, okay?” She nods to Anna, who produces the starter skates that have been sized just right for Lizzie. “Anna’s got some special skates just for you.”

“Okay,” Lizzie answers, although Tessa can tell she’s not entirely convinced.  

Anna helps get the little skates on her feet and then lets Tessa walk them over to the edge of the boards. “It’s okay, sweetie, we’re gonna hold hands and try it together.” Tessa sets her on the ice and at first the girl just clings to her knee, eyes wide, not sure exactly what’s happening.

Tessa takes both of her daughter’s hands in hers and positions herself in front of her, skating backwards gently to lead Lizzie forward. At first Lizzie just looks on confused, standing still and reaching up for her mother’s arms.

Bit by bit she coaxes Lizzie to try it and eventually she’s shuffling forward on her little skates, half-stepping, half-sliding. She slips and falls a few times, which Tessa had expected to happen. Each time she reaches down and helps her up, encouraging her to try again, and she’s so proud when Lizzie manages to keep going and try it again each time. Anna slides along next to them, encouraging Lizzie too, and eventually Lizzie takes one of Anna’s hands and one of Tessa’s in the other.

The slips get fewer and farther between, and they keep going. Tessa’s still cautious, but hopeful that her little girl will figure this out. Lizzie’s expression changes too, little by little, and before Tessa knows it almost twenty minutes have passed and her daughter is grinning up at her, her cheeks pink from the cold air but also from excitement.

“You did so well, my Lizzie,” Tessa squeezes her in her arms as they start to shuffle off the ice a few more minutes later. The ice time will change over soon and they need to get going and leave Anna to her choreography work with Shae-Lynn.

It’s then that she sees Scott near the benches, watching, still in his coat and outdoor shoes. She just beams at him, so glad he made it to see some of this. He blows her a kiss, grinning back at both of them.

“Daddy!” Lizzie exclaims, seeing Scott and waving happily. Tessa feels her stomach do a little flip, like it has every time in the last week she’s heard Lizzie call him that - ever since she’d had her heart-to-heart with Renée it was like she’d just decided Scott was ‘Daddy’ now, no more ‘Daddy Scott’, and that was that. It makes her smile every time, and she knows Scott feels the same way.

Scott’s there with his arms ready to help her off the ice. He scoops her up as soon as she gets to the boards. “Did you have a good skate, Lizzie girl? You looked pretty darned good out there,” he says, winking at Tessa. His cheeks are pink, like he’s trying to hold in some of the pride he’s feeling right now and trying to play it cool. Tessa leans over and kisses him on the cheek, before grabbing her skate guards.

“I skated like Mama!” Lizzie reports, loudly, and Tessa grins so widely she doesn’t care about anything else. “Like Anna too.”

“I didn’t think you were going to make it over here! How much did you see?” Tessa asks him, just thrilled.

“A few minutes,” Scott says. “I wish it had been more,” he says, helping Lizzie sit down so he can help her take off her skates. “What do you think, Lizzie girl? You want to go again some time?”

Lizzie nods. “Can Anna come too?” she points over at Anna, who’s leaning over by boards, skates still on.

Anna laughs, and nods. “Of course, cutie. Maybe Ravi will bring Nadiya to say hi, too.”

“Oh, then I’m definitely not missing the next one,” Scott says. He helps Lizzie slip on her boots and Tessa sits down to start changing out her own skates. “We need to get the whole gang back together.”

“How’s Suzanne?” Tessa asks, as Lizzie bounces over to Anna again.

Scott lets out a breath. “She’ll be okay,” he says, and Tessa’s relieved. “She did lose some blood, though, T, it...it wasn’t good at first.” He swallows, and Tessa sees for the first time how nervous he must have been all morning, how worried. “She’s stable now and her parents will be in from Ottawa by tonight, she’ll do surgery tomorrow.”

“Oh, Scott,” she says, putting one hand on his shoulder. “How bad is it, really?” They’re his only Canadian senior team right now.

He puts one hand on her knee and squeezes once, gently. “They might be able to make Nationals, still,” he says. “If the surgery goes well she’ll have some rehab after that and we’ll see what it looks like by Christmas. And then if she needs more time to heal, then…” he shrugs, letting out another breath again. Her heart sinks a little, feeling for them and for Scott.

“They’re young,” she reminds him. “We’ll make sure she gets fixed up, okay?”

He smiles, gently, clearly still worried but willing to believe her. “Okay.”

They make their goodbyes a few minutes later, Scott to head back to the Cricket Club and Tessa to return home with Lizzie. She gives Anna a hug goodbye, leaving her to spend the rest of the session with some one on one choreography time. They make a date to meet up again at the same time in a few days.

A few minutes later they’re back at the car and Tessa’s getting Lizzie buckled into the back seat, buoyed once again by her daughter’s happy chatter.

“When do we skate again, Mama?” Lizzie asks all of a sudden, just as Tessa’s starting the car.

She laughs, so pleased, and reaches back to squeeze her daughter’s knee. “We’ll go again in a few days, okay Lizzie?”

“Okay!”

And then, they do.  


*

It’s the first weekend of December and Tessa and Scott are both home again for a couple of weeks. Neither of the club’s senior teams have made it to a spot at the Grand Prix Final. So, now that international competitions are winding down, Tessa’s started mentally preparing to step back from her coaching support at the Cricket Club since everyone knows about her pregnancy and others are starting to step in to fill current or future gaps.

Now that she’s at about the halfway point of her pregnancy she finds herself noticing changes almost on a daily basis. She’s grateful to be at the point where she has a lot of energy again, even if her movement is starting to feel different. At four and a half months along she feels more like she did at six months with Lizzie. Every week she’s a little bigger, a little rounder, and she’s started to feel the baby move more and more. It’s started kicking more in a way Scott can feel from his side of things, especially in the last couple of weeks.

Tonight’s one of the first evenings they’ve been together and awake at the same time long enough for him to really get to feel the movement like this. “It’s still so weird, T. I mean, totally amazing and _awesome_ ,” Scott emphasizes. He looks up at her and she can see his mental gears turning, debating. “I just meant--”

“I get it, Scott, it’s okay,” Tessa tells him, immediately reassuring. She runs one of her hands through his hair, smiling. “It _is_ pretty weird, trust me from this side of things it’s even weirder.”

“Yeah, I bet,” he says, relaxing again. He puts his hand back where it was a moment ago, resting on the right side of her belly. “But so cool though.”

“With Lizzie I didn’t feel it like this until later,” Tessa says, thinking. At this point in her first pregnancy she remembers she’d felt flutters for a couple of weeks, followed by more noticeable rolls and kicks every so often. It’s taken her by surprise how this baby seems to want to rock and roll at almost all hours of the day. “Although once she got to this level it felt like it was almost non-stop, just like this one.”

“Yeah?” Scott repeats, though his attention is only partly on her, mostly focussed at her middle. He shifts his hand a little, following the baby’s movement with his touch.

“Sure. Jordan keeps telling me it’s all going to be like that this time around,” Tessa says. “That everything’s going to feel like it’s happening sooner.”

Scott chuckles. “Yeah, I remember Chris saying the same thing when she was carrying Renée,” he says. “Although even with the twins the first time, it was...” he stops mid-sentence, his voice trailing off like he’s thinking hard all of a sudden, or thinking better of it.

“What is it?” Tessa asks. She gently runs her fingers through his hair, letting her hand come to rest at the nape of his neck. "Tell me."

His hair has taken on a more salt-and-pepper look than even a few years ago, and she catches herself admiring how distinguished he looks now. They’re both far from the days of being in Olympic shape, but he’s still strong and fit and can handle himself - and her - on the ice, just fine. But he also carries himself with the look of someone wise and experienced at what they do. Some days she thinks he doesn’t realize how mature and appealing he comes across to the outside world, when he’s so focussed on his own world, his plans and ideas.

Scott takes in a breath and lets it out again. “When Chris was pregnant with the boys it was so much all at once,” he remembers, his voice soft. “She was so tired, from the beginning, and hated having to give up coffee so much,” he says, chuckling again. Tessa sympathizes with that. He moves his hand to a different spot on Tessa’s belly, where the movement inside has shifted again. “And she could feel them moving for weeks before I could. It felt like forever. I remember feeling jealous, that she already knew so much about them before they were even close to being born, and I was just...waiting, on the outside.”

“Oh, Scott,” she says, gently. “Of course you weren’t just waiting around. I know Chris didn’t feel like that, either.” Tessa admits to herself that of course she can’t say that for sure - when she thinks back on it now she regrets how little she’d actually interacted with both of them during those months. But Tessa certainly doesn’t feel that way about Scott right now, and she has to believe the same was true for Christine.

“Maybe,” he says, like he’s still thinking.

When she remembers those days, the early months of Scott and Christine’s marriage especially, she only has a few memories of the two of them as expectant parents. It had been while she was so busy with her program at McGill, and in the early stages of managing her new brand development, and her relationship with Alex. Even all of those things feel like a lifetime ago, when she stops to think about it.

“Tell me more,” she says gently. “I want to know what it was like, for you and her.” She does, truly. He’s never shied away from talking to her about Christine, but sometimes she wants to do more to reassure him that it’s okay. His world is always going to be overlaid with those memories, and she wants to make sure he knows she’s there alongside him when he has them.

He smiles at her, content and wistful all at once. “Okay,” he says. And he does, talking about what it was like before the twins were born, and what it had felt like for Chris. Then with Renée some things seemed so much easier with just one baby coming at a time, even though it was such a change to be outnumbered as a result. As he talks he shifts his hand again, moving gently back and forth across the curve of her belly. She does the same with her hand through his hair, her fingers combing through the same spot at his temple, over and over.   


*

It’s a Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks before Christmas, and the basement renovation to transform Aidan’s new room is finally complete. Scott’s been spending the day with him moving his things and helping arrange the furniture so everything’s ready for him to officially move in this week. Then, the plan is to get the baby’s new room painted and decorated some time after Christmas, while they’ll still have a few months left.

He’s actually pretty amazed they pulled off the renovation before Christmas, but they’ve managed it. Aidan’s room is all set up at the rear of the basement where the windows are larger and he’ll still have some light to wake up to in the mornings. And they’ve managed to keep a guest room down there too, which he’s pretty sure Kate is going to see the most of in a few months’ time once the baby’s due date gets closer. Tessa’s asked her to be there for the birth and they’re more than happy to have her stay a little longer to help with all of the kids, since they know she’s offered that too.

There are days now when Scott’s head swims with everything that’s going to happen in the next few months. In a normal year it would be enough to be heading into the cycle of national and world championships, supporting junior and senior teams from multiple countries. But at the end of all of it, when they’d normally be looking to pause and take a break for a while, he and Tessa will truly just be getting started - in April the baby will be here and their world will be new and different all over again.

He and Aidan get the last few armloads of clothes and books moved down to the basement and eventually emerge, satisfied, joining Tessa and Lizzie in the living room. He finds Tessa sitting on the sofa with Lizzie crouched next to her, her small hands pressed flat against Tessa’s round stomach.

“Everything good in here?” Scott asks, searching Tessa’s expression. The last month has been better for Lizzie, and she now seems to have joined Renée in the excited-big-sister-camp.

“The baby’s kicking!” Lizzie says excitedly. Scott had guessed that’s what it was. Lately Tessa’s been letting the kids feel the baby move when it’s active. It’s helped them feel even more connected to the situation, understand that there really is a new little person growing in there. Even the boys have agreed that it’s pretty neat.

“Aw, cool,” Aidan says, coming in to the room to join them. “Can I feel too?”

“Sure,” Tessa says, smiling. “Put your hand next to Lizzie’s.”

He does so, sitting on Tessa’s other side and putting his hand where she shows him. They wait for a moment all together, and then suddenly Lizzie and Aidan both react at the same time with excited smiles.

“It moved again!” Lizzie exclaims, keeping her hands where they are. Tessa rests her hand on Lizzie’s head, brushing her fingers through her hair.

“Sure did,” Tessa says, her smile matching her daughter’s.

“Does it hurt?” Aidan asks, curious. Scott’s heard them all ask that question before.

Tessa shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. It’s good, knowing they’re moving around in there.” She turns her glance to Scott then, her smile waning just a little. “Max is out in the garage,” she tells him, nodding her head in that direction.  

“Okay,” he nods back, taking the message. He’s been wondering for a while how Max has been doing, if there’s something he wants to talk to him about. He’s seemed okay, generally, if a little quieter sometimes. But Scott has been wanting to find a way to talk to him about it, whatever it is that’s on his mind.

Sure enough, he finds Max in the garage, a small pile of hockey sticks in front of him and a fresh roll of tape nearby. He’s in the middle of pulling off the old tape before replacing it. Scott remembers then how much his new hockey coach has been drilling into them about proper care and maintenance of their equipment. He’s glad to see Max taking it seriously.

“You want some help there, buddy?” Scott asks, coming to sit next to him on the bench.

“Sure, I guess,” Max mumbles, glancing at him briefly. Scott picks up one of the other sticks and starts pulling at the old tape on the handle.

He asks Max more about how practices have been going, and if he’s looking forward to being on a new team next year. Once the boys move from Grade Five to Grade Six they’ll change schools too, so this will be Max’s last year with his current team, and some of his schoolmates.

Max’s mood seems fine overall, if a bit muted. It’s when Scott mentions Tessa and the baby that he quiets a little more.

“Lizzie and Aidan were feeling the baby move, just now,” Scott says. “That’s pretty cool, right?”

“Yeah,” Max shrugs. He goes a little pink, and Scott wonders if it’s just preteen embarrassment that he’s feeling, which would be understandable.

“You know you can ask me or Tessa about anything, right Max? If it’s something about the baby, or...well, anything, anytime. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Max repeats. “It’s okay.” He looks like he wants to say something else but thinks better of it.

Scott sets down the stick he’d been working on, the handle now bare. “I know some things are different now, Max. I know it’s not like it was before. And I know...once the baby comes it’ll be different again. You know, your mom and I didn’t know for sure how it would be before we had you boys. But it turned out to be so, so great. And then when your sister came everything changed again, right?”

“Yeah,” Max says then. “I guess getting Renée was neat too.” Scott remembers back to when Renée was brand new and the boys adjusted to having her in the house. They’d alternated between excited and impatient, wanting to be able to play with her more and wishing she could talk and move around just like they could. He smiles thinking about it.

“It was, wasn’t it?” Scott confirms.

“Yeah. Especially after she got bigger,” Max allows. He’s smiling a little now too, maybe remembering what it was like when they were all so much younger.

And it’s true. Renée still looks up to her big brothers so much, and even when they fight it never lasts too long. He knows Max and Aidan would do anything for her - he even suspects they're part of the reason Renée has had less trouble with bullies at school. And he thinks they’re getting to a similar place now with Lizzie.

Scott rests one hand on his son’s shoulder, squeezing a little. “You know, that’s gonna be your new brother or sister in there, Max,” he says. “In a few months they’re gonna need you there, just like Renée needed her big brothers when she was little. Just like Lizzie does, too.”

Max nods, a little more quickly now. He’s pulled off all of the tape off of the hockey stick by now and is just holding onto it as it leans against his knees. “I know, Dad,” he says. “It’ll be good. And T is really great. It’s good that she lives with us now, it’s better.”

“Yeah?” Scott asks. “Because, you know...sometimes I can’t tell what you’re thinking about all of it. It’s hard for me, not knowing for sure how you feel.”

Max looks up at him, blinking, then back at the stick in his hands. “I guess...I guess it’s fine. It just feels weird some of the time. Like, one minute it’s sort of normal and good. But then sometimes I think about Mom and how she’s not here anymore and what it would be like if she still was.”

“Oh, Max,” Scott says then, so gently. “It’s like that for me too sometimes.” He puts his hand on his son’s back, rubbing back and forth a little bit.

“It is?” He looks up at Scott. “But you and T always say how happy you are about everything.”

“We _are_ happy, Max. We’re so happy. And having you and your brother, and your sister and Lizzie is a big, big part of that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still miss your mom, too. Some days I really, really miss her. I wish I could still talk to her.”

“Me too,” Max says. “I still miss her a lot sometimes.” He’s quiet for a bit and Scott waits, wondering if something else is coming. Sure enough after another moment Max continues, his voice quiet and hesitant. “And...sometimes I wonder if I’ll forget about Mom. Like, what if the new baby comes and we’re all a different family after that. And what if it’ll be like Mom wasn’t even here? You know?” His voice is the most worried Scott’s ever heard, so uncertain. And the worst part is Scott knows exactly how he feels.

Scott swallows, hard. He remembers the first time, years ago, how horrible he’d felt when he realized he’d gone more than a full day without thinking about Christine. And how even more horrible he’d felt later on when it occurred to him that this was probably going to be the new normal, that this was what moving on from his grief would be like. He’d always known it would feel differently for his kids, who’d never had another mother figure to compare Chris to or replace her with. At least, not until Tessa had come back into his life like this - into all of their lives, really - in a brand new way.

Scott’s blinking back tears just as he suspects Max is, too. He moves his hand back and forth on Max’s shoulder, not sure if he’s doing it to steady himself or his son. “What’s the last thing you remember thinking about Mom?”

Max thinks for a second and then clears his throat, coughing. “Yesterday I guess. When Lizzie and Renée were going to bed and talking about books.”

Scott thinks back to the day before. He hadn’t thought much of it at the time, it had been the normal flurry of getting everyone in PJs and bedtime bargaining for more stories and more stalling, especially Lizzie. Aidan had stepped in to help and read with Lizzie, pulling a few of the older books on the shelf that he and Max had always liked when they’d been closer to Lizzie’s age now. An age that, it occurs to Scott, is not too far from how old the boys were when Christine had died.

“Yeah,” Scott says, remembering the night before. “Those stories are still your old favourites, right?”

“Yeah,” Max repeats in answer. “They make me think about Mom whenever we read them.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound very much like you’ve forgotten about her, to me,” he says softly, holding his son closer. He lets a moment or two of quiet settle over them as Max nods again. Scott can feel the emotion building in him. “You know, your mom always said you’d be the star hockey player,” Scott tells him, remembering it with a smile on his face.

“I know, Dad, you always tell me that,” Max says, in that tone of voice Scott knows he reserves for when Scott’s telling the kids things he’s already told them at least twelve times.

“But did I tell you about how she knew it before you were even born?” Scott adds, hoping it’s the right thing to say to him just then.

“She did?” Max answers, finally looking up at Scott, surprised.

“Sure,” Scott says, nodding. “I didn’t really believe it either, at least not at first. But you moved around a lot when you and your brother were still inside her. You especially,” he adds. “You were always kicking more, she could feel it was you. And then after you were both born she could tell she was right.”

“Really?”

“Well, maybe we didn’t know for _sure_ you’d be a hockey player,” he allows. “But you just always liked moving around, and going fast. And when you started trying out playing with the other kids on the street and when you got into the hockey league, I knew then that Mom had been right the whole time.”

“Oh,” Max says, looking down at the hockey stick in his hands. “That’s kind of cool that she knew.”

“Yeah,” Scott agrees, laughing a little. “It is cool, huh?” There’s emotion clinging to his voice, but it’s happy, built from memories and honest affection.

Max starts fidgeting some more with the tape on the hockey stick. “Do you...do you know what the new baby is going to be like?” he asks, his voice quiet but more curious now.

“Not yet,” he answers. It’s a happy thing to wonder about. “It’s cool to think about though, right?”

“Yeah.” Max nods. Scott thinks he sees him smiling a little bit, thinking about everything he’s told him.

Scott knows Max is much too old to want to be cuddled and kissed, but sometimes he just can’t help it. He puts both arms around his son, wanting no uncertainty at all about this situation.

“You know I love you, right?” Scott says then. He wills his voice to remain steady and even, despite everything he’s feeling just then.

“Yeah, Dad. I know, it’s okay.” He’s a bit muffled, his head pressed into Scott’s shoulder. But he’s being genuine.

“And you know Tess loves you too?” Scott adds then. “Because she does, bud. She loves you and your brother and sister so, so much,” he says. He can feel his voice breaking just a little. “And...and she loved Mom, too. Don’t forget that. She was her friend, just like she’s always been your friend and mine.”

He feels Max nodding against his shoulder. “I know,” Max answers, a little less muffled this time. “I remember.”

“Good,” Scott says, rubbing his hand on Max’s back. The hockey sticks are long forgotten now. “I’m glad.”

He feels Max put his arms around him too, resting around his middle. Scott relaxes a little more then, feeling relieved. “You know, sometimes us grown-ups don’t have all the answers, either. But we still try to figure it out. We just have to go one day at a time and see what happens, and try to love each other. Okay?”

Max nods again. “Yeah. It’s okay, Dad. We will.”

Scott kisses the top of his head, not bothering to worry if Max feels too old for him to do that. “You guys are always going to be my special guys. Even if the new baby turns out to like hockey, too,” he says, and that makes Max chuckle a little.

“That _would_ be awesome, though,” Max says. “And you...you really don’t know yet if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Nope, it’s still going to be a surprise,” Scott says. “But they’ll be someone pretty awesome, too. That’s pretty much guaranteed. Just like you and your brother and sister. And just like Lizzie.”

“Yeah, Lizzie’s okay,” Max agrees. Scott feels a surge of pride, then, thinking about how far he’s come in the last year or two.

“So are you, kiddo,” Scott says, giving him one last squeeze. “So are you.”  


*

After Christmas Scott and Tessa find themselves gifted with an evening to themselves on Boxing Day - Alma and Joe offer to let the boys stay for a sleepover, and Kate does the same for the girls. It’s a great plan, not just because their parents get some quality grandparent time now that the excitement of Christmas has settled down again, but also because Scott and Tessa get an evening alone for the first time in months. He’s quite sure it wasn’t as spontaneous as all that - his mother and Kate had exchanged a glance or two that made him wonder if hadn’t all been planned out for a while - but he’ll take it. The kids are happy and so is he.

Upon returning from the Moirs’ Boxing Day lunch - turned extended afternoon neighbourhood gathering, as always - Tessa goes for a nap upstairs while Scott goes for a quick grocery run and sets to work on dinner preparation. It’s a beef stew recipe he’s been meaning to try at home for a while and hasn’t had the chance yet. But it come together well enough that once he has it patiently simmering away on the back burner he decides to try his hand at some pie pastry.

By the time Tessa comes downstairs again he’s got the pastry rolled out and is just finishing up the apple filling. She finds him in the kitchen and comes to stand with him, one arm wrapping around his waist.

“Hey, beautiful lady,” he says, kissing her quickly on the cheek. His hands are covered in flour, otherwise he’d do more than that. He loves looking at her now, all the time. Just now she looks rested and calm, her face a little rosy from sleep. She feels warm and pliant, wrapped around him like this.

“Mmm, things smell really good in here,” she observes, looking around at the preparations in progress. “Wait, we get _boeuf bourguignon_ and pie too? I am very spoiled.”

“I know. I’d forgotten how much you can get done with an hour in the kitchen when there aren’t four other little people running around in it,” he says. Truthfully the kids are all starting to help out more with the cooking chores but it’ll be a while yet before they can do any of it unsupervised. And tonight he just wants to take care of Tessa.

“The only thing that would make it better is having it in France for real,” she says with a wistful sigh. She stays leaning against him, watching as he finishes the filling and puts together the top pastry crust, crimping the edges with fingers and everything.

“Yeah, hard to disagree with you there,” he says. If timing were different he’d be angling for a vacation for the two of them once Nationals and Four Continents are over, but Tessa will be far enough along in her pregnancy by then that she won’t want to make long travel plans, let alone overseas ones. He straightens and then lifts one arm, pulling Tessa close around the shoulders. She laughs a little as he kisses her again, trying hard not to get flour on her sweater.

“We’ll get our vacation, T, I promise. We’ll find another way to do it, get a little ‘babymoon’ in there somewhere.”

She chuckles again, but then just relaxes in his arms. He can’t tell if she’s thinking about something or just relaxed.

The meal is good. They set up at the big dining table and Tessa lights candles and puts on music, and they sit close to each other while they eat. They talk about the holiday, and the plans for the next few days, and then more about the next few months. And then just conversation about anything and everything. He holds her hand between them while they talk and laugh, enjoying seeing her smiling and relaxed.

Afterwards he takes away their dishes and makes a start at cleaning up. Tessa goes to settle in on the large sofa in the living room, leaning back comfortably with her hands clasped around her middle. When he looks over another moment later he can see her placing one of her hands in different spots over her belly.

“Dinner went over well?” he calls out. He finishes filling the dishwasher and puts the pans to soak in the sink.

“Yeah,” Tessa answers, like she’s thinking, or just paying attention to the baby. “The baby likes beef stew,” she adds, smiling.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yep. He thinks you should make it again more often.” She’s alternated calling the baby ‘she’ and ‘he’ over the last several months, but lately he notices ‘he’ has been winning out more often. They don’t know for sure yet if it’s a boy, but he does wonder if she might know. She’d guessed Lizzie was going to be a girl, after all.

“Maybe the baby would like some dessert, too?” He reaches for the pie that’s been waiting on the cooling rack for a couple of hours now.

“Mm, yes, I think that’s a yes,” she says, laughing a little. He knows the baby’s been more active lately, especially after dinner. No doubt dessert will be well received by the baby and Tessa both.

“Coming right up.” Scott pulls out the pie and plates up slices carefully, making sure to give her a slice that’s a little bit larger. He expects her to roll her eyes a little at that but knows she'll finish it anyway. And he likes being able to treat her well.

He remembers the last few holidays, the time they’ve spent together. It’s amazing to him that it’s only been two years since that Boxing Day when he’d finally come to his senses and knocked on her door; when she’d been so hopeful and so patient with him, so ready to love him but only when he was ready, too.

When he comes to join her on the couch she takes the plate from him with a grateful smile. He settles next to her, taking a bite from his own piece. It’s good, if he does say so himself. He thinks he’d like to try it again, get more practice doing the pastry. He looks over at Tessa then and notices she hasn’t taken a bite any of hers yet - she’s still holding the plate in her lap like she's thinking about it.

“What is it?” Scott asks. “Did I make the wrong flavour? Maybe I should have just done cookies,” he says, contemplating his own plate. Tessa hasn't had a lot of food aversions this pregnancy but maybe apple is something new.

“No, Scott, the pie is great,” she says. But she leans forward to set her plate down on the coffee table. He moves to help her, closing the distance more easily, and then sets his plate next to hers.

Scott can tell without a doubt that there’s something on her mind - truthfully he’s wondered about that a couple of other times lately, like she’s thinking about something she hasn’t figured out how to tell him yet.

Also, he’d be lying if he didn’t admit there’s something he’d like to talk to her about, too. Something that has to do with the small little jewelry box he’s been carrying around for the last couple of months. But there’s no way he can talk to her about that before he knows whatever it is that’s worrying her.

“T, talk to me, okay?” He reaches for her hand. “I know there’s something.”

Tessa turns her hand so she’s clutching his back, taking in a breath and letting it out again. “It's...all right, yes, there’s something I’ve been wanting to discuss with you.”

He squeezes her hand. “Please just tell me, T, you’re starting to worry me a little bit,” he admits, letting out a breath of his own.

“I’m okay, the baby’s okay,” she says first to reassure him of any doubts there. She clears her throat and sits forward a little bit, squeezing his hand back. “So...If something were to happen to you,” Tessa starts, and then swallows again. Already he can tell she’s having trouble keeping her voice steady. He wonders if her words are something she’s been practicing, and just how long she has been thinking about this conversation. She takes in a breath and keeps going. “I would want your kids to still have me. I would still be their...their parent, no matter what. I would want them to stay with me and for me to be able to take care of them,” she says, eyes shimmering.

Tessa losing him isn’t a situation he ever wants to have to contemplate, let alone have her face in reality. But he understands in a flash why she’s been thinking about it, in light of everything that’s happened in their lives in the last year especially. He feels numb all of a sudden, and takes in a breath, working to concentrate on the feeling of his hand clutched with hers, over the warmth of her body.  

“Tess, of course they would stay with you,” he says immediately, reaching for both of her hands with both of his, now. “You would be their...their mom, that’s not even a question. That’s who you are to them, now.” It’s the first time he’s said that out loud, in that exact way. But it’s true, and his kids have already gotten there, he knows. It’s him who needs to be the one to catch up to them. He releases one of his hands from hers and then places it on her stomach. She puts her hand on top of his where it rests on her belly.

“Good,” Tessa says. “It’s how I feel, too.” She swallows again, continuing. “And if something happened to me--”

“ _Tess_ ,” he says, just reacting. As little as he wants to contemplate being taken away from her or the kids, he could bear that much more than the idea of her being taken from him. And he knows that’s why she’s started talking about it in that order.

“If something were to happen to me,” she continues, her voice insistent, and filled with emotion, “I would want you to know that Lizzie is yours, and for Lizzie to know that you are hers,” she tells him. “You’re her father, Max and Aidan are her brothers and Renée is her sister, your family is her family,” she adds all in a rush, her voice breaking now.

He’s feeling more overwhelmed than even he realized he would at this conversation. It’s something they’ve never addressed directly before, and he knows they’re probably long overdue to say these things out loud. They both know, maybe more than anyone, that these are possibilities they need to think about and plan for. 

“Of course she would be ours, she’ll always be ours,” Scott says, his voice so quiet as he blinks at wet eyes. He feels Tessa press her other hand over his, trying to steady him.

She nods, silently agreeing with him again. He lets his gaze rest on their joined hands for a moment. When he looks back at her face he can see her cheeks are damp, and realizes his are, too.

Tessa shifts one of her hands, lets it rest briefly next to their two clasped ones and then strokes it back and forth across her belly. “It’s just, this one’s ours, Scott. Both of us will be this baby’s parents no matter what,” she says, stating the obvious but for reasons he understands. “And the world will know that from the beginning.” She pauses for a second, just looking back at him. “But I don’t want that to be any different for the other four, because it doesn’t feel any different to me, it hasn’t for while. I think even if we weren’t having this one now, that’s how I would still feel,” she insists. She’s working hard to keep her voice steady but he can see fresh tears clinging to her lashes.

“Oh, Tess,” he breathes out, just leaning in and wrapping both arms around her. “I feel the same way, _exactly_ the same way,” he says. “You believe me, right?”

She nods vigorously against his shoulder, sniffling briefly. “I know you do, I just...I needed us to say it out loud. I needed us to both be sure.”

“Well then there’s nothing to be worried about, then,” he says. He holds her tightly and starts rocking a little. She relaxes a little more, swaying with him and resting her head against his chest.

“I’m glad you think so, too.” She lifts her head, and he brushes at her cheeks to dry them. “Because...well, because I think we should get married,” she adds finally, a little breathless. Her expression is so intent and certain, but hopeful at the same time.

Scott freezes for a moment, just surprised. He’d thought that this might be where she’d be going with the conversation, minutes ago when she’d started bringing all this up, but then his emotions had taken over and it had left his mind completely.

“Scott?” Tessa asks, checking in with him. “What are you thinking?” She lets her hands slide down his arms to clasp at his.

He’s been just looking at her quietly for a few seconds. Then a smile forms slowly across his face, and then one on hers to match. He gives her hands a squeeze, then just lets out a laugh.

“ _Scott_ ,” Tessa says again, this time in a more admonishing tone. “This is funny to you?” she asks, incredulous. But she’s still smiling at him, maybe even chuckling a little against her will.

Scott leans in and kisses her, still laughing a little. He’s just grinning, because he knows his answer to her is yes, it’s _absolutely_ yes. But he loves her for making it about the kids first, for making sure he knew they were her first thought. “So you want to marry me for my kids, huh?”

Her eyes flash quickly, with recognition that she’s now being teased. She smacks one of her hands against his shoulder. “Of course I want to marry you for _you_ , you idiot, that’s not even...Scott you know I want to spend my life with you, you _know_ that. There’s no one else...you’re _it_ , for me, you and the kids...”

He nods, still smiling, selfishly just enjoying looking at her right now. She’s always been beautiful to him, but there’s something about when she’s like this, so focussed and intent, talking things out like she’s thought of absolutely everything and there’s no way she’s going to fail to make her case.

“And I want Lizzie to have you as her dad, officially,” she continues. “And if Max and Aidan and Renée are going to have me, too, then it’ll be easier to adopt them if I’m legally their step-mother first. Although I’ve done some research on it and it’s not just me and you that have to agree to it, they’re old enough they would all need to consent to the adoption too. So we should also have that conversation with them soon, maybe before we set a date or anything. And I can even talk to them about it myself if you think that would be better, but probably both of us should-”

Scott leans in and kisses her again firmly, unable to hold back. He loves how much she’s thought about this, he loves how worried she is about everything going well. He loves how much she loves him, and all of their children.

Her mouth stills under his, briefly, and then she’s kissing him back so eagerly. He feels her hand come up to grasp his shoulder and then the back of his neck, holding him close to her.

When they part a moment later he has to catch his breath a little, and so does Tessa, but she’s smiling. The worry has left her expression and she’s just glad, now. “So is that a yes?” She asks him, her eyes shimmering.

Scott laughs again warmly. “Hold that thought for half a second,” he says. He stands up and goes to his coat where it’s hanging near the front door, feeling for the inside pocket and the small velvet-covered box that he’s been carrying there for weeks. When he’d seen the ring in the store he’d known right away it was the one he wanted to give to her - a beautiful diamond enclosed by parallel bands of white gold. He didn’t know for sure when he was going to want to give it to her, only that he’d been waiting for the right opportunity. And now here they are.

When he comes back to the living room he’s holding the little box with two hands. He just pauses for a moment, standing in front of where she’s sitting. He smiles at her, hands ready to open the box. Tessa’s amazed expression tells him she’s in no doubt of what’s inside it.

Tessa covers her mouth with one hand, eyes closing against a fresh wave of tears.

They both know this isn’t the first time Scott’s done this, asked this question. But just then he can only think about Tessa, and how glad he is that he gets to have this life with her now - when not too long ago the most certain things he felt were confusion and loss. He wants to keep that life with her, protect it with everything he has. He feels warm, and somehow excited but calm at the same time. He looks from Tessa back to the box in his hand and finds himself bending to kneel in front of her.

As he opens the box and looks up at her again she’s on the verge of completely falling apart into tears, trying so hard to stay composed but utterly failing. When she lets out a sob he just reaches for her other hand and she clutches onto it tightly. He realizes his hands are shaking a little and he’s glad to be holding onto her, too.

“I love you, Tess,” he says, his voice soft. “Will you marry me?”

Tessa’s already nodding before he can finish, tears running down her face. “Yes,” she says, no doubt at all in her voice. She reaches both hands for him so he takes the ring and slips it onto her finger. “Come here,” she tells him, pulling at his shoulders.

He gets up and sits back next to her again, wrapping her immediately in a hug at the same time as she puts her arms so tightly around him. He kisses her cheek and then buries his face in the crook of her neck, feeling so many things.

She pulls away first, kissing him again quickly. “I can’t believe you let me go through that big speech, and the whole time you’ve been walking around with this in your coat pocket,” she says, looking at the ring with such an amazed expression.

“I was waiting for the right moment,” he says, just shaking his head and smiling. “And your speech made it very, very clear that this was my chance.”

“I love you, Scott,” she lets out on a sigh, giddy relief and happiness starting to bubble up to the surface. “And I can’t wait to marry you.” 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and Scott welcome their new baby, and look ahead to very full lives as a very complete family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta readers remain extraordinary people, thank you once again <3
> 
> The baby's name is one that I've seen used a few other places recently, and I really considered a few other options but in the end I'd just had this one picked out for so long that I didn't want to change it. Hope that's all good, pals.
> 
> Thank you all for reading, as always. When I started writing this I didn't know for sure how much of an audience this story would find. I'm mostly grateful that it's had some readers who have enjoyed it, and for the most part the comments and kudos have been very, very touching, thank you for all of them.
> 
> I am quite sure i won't be able to leave this world behind for good - if there are future moments you'd like to see please let me know and I'll be happy to ponder! Either here or on my tumblr:  
> https://carmen-sandiego-fic.tumblr.com
> 
> I hope you enjoy this (long, if you're also Canadian) weekend conclusion. Happy Sunday reading, friends!

 

*

By the time he opens his eyes in the early hours of the morning Scott’s first thought is how he has no desire other than to wake up slowly next to Tessa. Tessa, his partner, his fiance, his - officially - children’s future stepmother.

He's aware of her lying asleep next to him, slightly curled next to his side, her head resting against his shoulder. He shifts a little so he can hold her properly, gently wrapping his arm around her. It's warm and cozy like this, such a rare kind of morning for them to have anymore. And they'll certainly be in even shorter supply in a few months. It makes him think about how they'll be have a honeymoon to look forward to now - France, he thinks that much must be certain - and then that starts him thinking about the wedding all over again.

Scott's hand drifts back and forth across Tessa's shoulders and back, just enjoying the gentle touch. She's still asleep, her breath coming in soft exhales that he can feel on his chest. But after a little while he can hear it start to shift, feeling her body becoming more alert. He leans in to press a kiss to the top of her head, running his fingers through her hair. Tessa wraps her arm around him, almost burying herself against his side. “Mmm,” she murmurs.

“Morning,” he says, wapping both arms around her, too. “My future wife.”

“Mmm,” Tessa repeats. “Morning to you too. Future husband,” she adds. She moves her hand across his chest and down his abdomen. “I like waking up like this,” Tessa breathes out. She tips her head back just enough to let her lips meet his, kissing him quickly on the mouth, then his chin. Then she settles in again, leaning her head against his shoulder. “How long do we have?” she asks.

Scott sits up enough to look over at the clock. It’s later than he’d like it to be, but still well ahead of when they’re expecting their parents to return with the kids. “We’ve got a couple of hours,” he says, leaning back once more. He rubs his hand down her back again. “Why, what did you have in mind for those couple of hours?” he asks, his voice coming out a little huskier than he’d intended. “I mean, we don’t need to--” he starts, not wanting to lead her. He truly doesn’t want to spend the morning in any way that’s different from what she wants. “I didn’t mean--”

“It’s okay, Scott,” she interrupts him, just laughing now. He can feel her body rippling with it, where she’s pressed against him. “I didn’t mean that either, I just…” she breathes out again. “I’m perfectly fine just like this.”

“Me too,” he says. But he reaches one hand to hold her chin and tip her face towards his again, kissing her.

For a few more minutes they just stay entwined together, alternately kissing and exchanging gentle touches. At one point the baby makes its presence known, too, enough that Scott can feel the movement where Tessa’s belly is leaning against his side.

“Well, good morning to you too,” he laughs. He brings his hand down to her bump, where Tessa moves it to rest just over the spot where the movement is the strongest. He’s impressed at how strong it is, and how much the baby’s moving these days. “Is it like this at night now, too?” He asks, suddenly wondering if she’s getting to a point of having less restful sleep.

“Sometimes,” Tessa answers, sounding a little rueful. “Sometimes I can sleep through it. I must have last night,” she adds with a smile. “I don’t remember anything between falling asleep and waking up just now.”

“Glad to be of service,” he says, partly joking but mostly genuine. He knows she’s getting closer to the last trimester and sleep will probably be an even more precious commodity for her, but also desperately needed.

She laughs a little more. “You were. Very much so.” After a moment the movements still again and he just rubs his hand once more across her belly before pulling it away. She lets out a sigh.

“Is that okay? I mean, I thought it was okay that the baby doesn’t move all the time,” he says, his brow furrowing. He tries to remember the last chapter he read from one of Tessa’s pregnancy books.

“It is,” she says quickly. “But I was really enjoying being all cozy like this, and I really really have to get up and go pee,” she explains.

Scott laughs a little, despite the modest pout on Tessa’s face. “Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get back.” He kisses her quickly before she gets up. As he’s settling back again he notices his phone lighting up on the nightstand and checks it, reading through a few messages he’d missed the night before, mostly belated holiday greetings. By the time Tessa steps out of the bathroom and makes her way back to the bed a new message comes in from his mother, letting him know the boys are up and are happy to stay for breakfast and try out the new video games for a bit. He smiles.

“What is it? Good reports?” Tessa asks, leaning over his shoulder.

“Yeah, the boys are good. I think my mother is very kindly letting us know that we can go ahead and have a, uh, _quiet_ morning together if we want. Sounds like they’re not in a rush.”

“Ah, good for them. I know they love hanging out at your parents’ house, Scott, it makes it the holidays for them, right?”

“It does, you’re right,” he says. He thinks about the Christmases they’ve had here over the years, with his mother making sure his kids were comfortable and happy. There’s so much he wouldn’t have gotten through without his parents’ help. He’s hit with a wave of gratitude all of a sudden, and he swallows against it. He feels Tessa reaching for his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“If the boys are up by now and your mom’s texting us then probably the girls will be soon--” she pauses, noticing her own phone buzzing on her table. She lets go of Scott’s hand to lean over and grab it. “Yeah, my mom’s saying basically the same thing,” she says, scrolling through, then letting out a snort. “It is, in fact, _almost_ like they conspired to let us have a lazy morning together.”

Scott laughs with her. “I’ll take it. I mean, while we can, right?” He puts one hand on her back, rubbing back and forth. She lets her hand return to her waist, resting on top of her bump, and smiles at the sight of the new diamond ring glinting on her finger. “So, who do we tell first, do you think,” he asks. “Moms or kids?”

“Kids,” Tessa says unequivocally. She brings her right hand up to rest opposite her left. “They’re the most important,” she says, more quietly now.

“I agree,” he answers, matching her tone. He can tell she’s thinking, now, her wheels turning now that she’s properly awake and alert. He wants to ask, but just waits and lets her say what she needs to.

After a moment she turns and looks at him, her expression equal parts curious and nervous. “Do you think they’ll be okay with it?” Tessa lifts her hand briefly enough to glance at her ring. “Will they be happy, do you think?”

“Tess, of course they will,” he says. “Why wouldn’t they?”

She swallows, and just then he can see how truly nervous she is right now. He’s surprised, given how confident she had seemed the night before.

“I mean not just about us getting married, Scott, I mean...the adoption too. We’ve never talked about it before.”

He nods, understanding. “Is there something you’re worried about, Tess? They love you, they adore you, why wouldn’t they be happy about it?”  

“I know. You’re probably right, I just…” Tessa takes in a breath and then lets it out again, clearly feeling uncertain about something.

“T, what is it,” he asks again. He shifts so he’s sitting right next to her now. He hopes she’s not having regrets, now that it’s the next morning and they’re surrounded by the light of day.

“It’s just this really does mean I’ll be their new mom, now. And I...What if that’s not what they want? They already had a mom, Scott, they already had a really, really great mom before me,” she explains. He can see the tears gathering in her eyes, now, her cheeks getting pink. She takes in another breath and wipes at one eye and then the other.

“Oh, Tess,” is all Scott can say at first, so gently now. He holds out one hand to catch hers and she takes it, squeezing it and resting them both against her side. “Tess, Chris isn’t coming back,” he says, and she closes her eyes for a moment, more tears escaping. He swallows hard. “And I’ll be the first to admit part of me wishes that wasn’t true, and probably the kids do too, sometimes, that’s just reality,” he continues, his voice wobbling a little now, too. He shrugs, shaking his head at the same time. “But they deserve to have a mom who’s here, _now_ ,” he emphasizes. “They deserve _you_. And they need you, too, even if they don’t realize all the reasons why, yet.”

She just leans in, then, pressing her head against his shoulder. He kisses her on the cheek, and then the forehead, and then just rests his head against hers. “I know you’re right,” Tessa repeats. “And I wouldn’t have said all those things last night if I didn’t think they were true,” she adds, and he feels a little relief, then, knowing for sure that she’s not second guessing anything. “There’s just a difference between _knowing_ something and actually saying it out loud, you know?” She shakes her head a little, lifting her hand to glance at her ring again. “It’s like the strangest, biggest, most important job interview ever.”

“Oh, come on, T, be serious,” he says. “Since when did you and I ever actually have job interviews?” He’s smirking a little, his eyebrow lifting as he looks down at her. But he knows he's made the same comparison before, too. He understands her work exactly.

Tessa lets out a breath, a half-laugh as she presses her head closer against his shoulder. He can feel her shaking a little, then, and now instead of tears it’s laughter rippling through her. “ _Fine_ ,” she admits, unable to stop the smile on her face, but still not quite done yet expressing her worry. “Then it’s like the strangest, biggest, most important minute of waiting for the score to come up, okay?” She insists. “And you can’t blame me for worrying, I just love your kids too damned much, Scott.”

He brings both arms around her then, kissing her again firmly on the cheek. For a moment he just holds her and she holds him back, resting together against the pillows just like they’d started the morning a few minutes ago. He finds himself replaying almost the whole last two years in his mind, trying to come up with something that will convince Tessa she’s worrying for nothing, and ends up with too many to count. Finally his mind lingers on one particular memory, and he laughs a little.

“What is it?” Tessa asks.

“You remember that time last year, when we went in to talk to Renée’s teacher and the principal? When those mean girls were giving her a hard time?”

“Of course,” she says.

“T, I wish you could have seen yourself,” Scott tells her, only admiration in his voice now. “It was like I was just there for backup.”

“Oh Scott, come on,” she responds, demuring. She wipes at her cheeks again, calming now.

“I’m serious, Tess. You were so cool and collected, but so serious, so...protective.”

“So were you,” Tessa tells him, looking up at his face. “You’d do anything for Renée, you were just as mad about the situation as I was.”

“I know,” he nods. “You’re right. I would. But the way you talked to them, it was like...it was like ‘Boardroom Tessa,’ only _better_. It was ‘Mom Tessa,’” he says finally. “There was no way you were leaving that room without them giving you a plan for what was going to happen next.”

“Of course I wasn’t,” she insists, as though Scott’s being strange for pointing out the obvious. “Those girls were bullying her, Scott, there’s no way that school can let that--”

“I know,” he repeats. “And if it had just been me I probably would have said a lot of the same things you did, but I would never have managed it so cool-headed.”

“I wasn’t that cool, you know,” Tessa tells him, her voice quieter again. “I was so upset for Renée. I was just trying so hard to be a grown-up about it and not make things any worse for her.”

“Chris would have been so proud of you, T,” Scott says finally, softly. “She would have, honestly. She had that same ‘mama bear’ streak inside that you do, I think after that meeting she would have hugged you and then high-fived you, maybe at the same time if she could have.”

A laugh escapes Tessa then, along with a fresh wave of tears. She presses her head against his shoulder again, her arms wrapping tightly around him. “I hope that’s true,” she says, her voice half-muffled. “I really, really do.”

He kisses her again, on her cheek and then the side of her head. For a few moments they just stay like that, quietly in each other’s arms.

“And another thing - I think it’s safe to say _our_ kids, T,” Scott adds after a moment. He can feel his eyes getting damp now, too, after all their conversation it’s this last thought that pushes him over the edge.

“What?” Tessa lifts her head again.

“Just now, you called them my kids,” he says, and then shakes his head with a gentle smile. “But they’re _our_ kids, now.” He shrugs, enjoying the way her expression turns brighter and brighter, now. “Sorry, kiddo, no take-backs now. You’ve got all of us, we’re yours and you’re ours.”

Her smile now is so big, so happy. “Yeah,” she nods.

“Just love them, Tess. Love them the way you love them, and let them love you back. I promise they will. They _do_.” He holds her as tightly as he can, feeling their baby move where her belly’s pressed between them.

“I do love them,” she says quickly, like she’s just reacting to his words. “And you. So, so much.”

 

*

It’s a few hours later when all of the kids return - Alma bringing the boys back first, a little ahead of when they expect Kate to return with the girls. The boys seem content to drift off to the living room with their new books and comings, having fully embraced the holiday laziness this year.  Scott’s offering Alma a cup of coffee in the kitchen when Tessa comes in from making sure the boys are settled, and realizes with a start that Tessa’s neglected to take off the ring. Alma notices it all too quickly, setting down her mug with a clatter.

“Tessa, your…” she starts to say, looking from her to Scott again. “Scott, did you...Did you?” She reaches for Tessa’s hand, looking to make sure she’s seeing what she’s truly seeing. Tessa’s already smiling broadly, laughter starting to bubble up.

“Yeah, Mom,” he says, just laughing, too. “But we have to tell the kids first, ok? Then everybody else.”

“Oh, just get over here,” Alma says, reaching for both of them at the same time. He comes over to kiss his mom’s cheek and then hugs her around the shoulders, holding Tessa at the same time. “You two, honestly,” his mother says, like she’s happy and exasperated at once.

He can feel all of them laughing together after another moment, the hug starting to dissolve just as quickly. Alma pulls away and then brings her hands up to Tessa’s face, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m so glad, truly. There’s nothing more I could ask for,” she tells her, starting to choke up.

Tessa reaches for her on her own this time, just embracing her gently. “Me either, Alma,” she says, just as softly. Alma holds on to her just as tightly as she had before, and Scott finds himself smiling and ducking his head a little, feeling strangely like he’s interrupting a private moment.

When they part, Tessa’s smiling with damp eyes, and Alma brushes quickly at her own. “Do you have a date yet? I know I shouldn’t ask that,” she adds right away. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself from asking.”

Scott laughs a little, putting his hand on his mother’s shoulders. “It’s okay, mom. Right now we’re thinking the fall, if we can get our act together.” They’d managed to talk a little bit about those details last night, before engaging in other, less talkative activities. He thinks there’s something right about October - it’s when their partnership started officially, so many years ago, it’s when he and Tessa rekindled their relationship just two years before - and Tessa agrees. But they don’t want to make any promises out loud before they know they can make it work, with bookings and schedules and who knows what else that will need to be confirmed.

“We want to make sure it’s a good few months after this one’s out in the world,” Tessa says with a nod, resting one hand on her stomach. “But other than that we’ll have to look at the calendar.”

“Oh, of course,” Alma says, putting one of her hands on top of Tessa’s. “You’ll figure it out.” She looks back at Scott. “And you’ll let me know what I can do to help, of course,” she says with a pointed look.

“We will, Mom, I promise. But I think you’re going to have to share some stuff with Kate,” he adds, noticing Tessa nodding with a slightly dazed expression.

It’s a few minutes later when Alma leaves, just ahead of Kate’s arrival with Lizzie and Renée. Unlike Max and Aidan, the girls arrive full of energy, excited and practically bouncing off the walls.

“Wow, Kate, how much sugar did you feed them for breakfast?” Scott asks, not entirely joking, as he collects their coats and bags. Tessa greets the girls and tries to steer them inside, all the while listening to their chatter about everything they got to do at Nana’s. It seems Auntie Jordan stayed overnight too and they all did home manicures and made brownies, or so Scott’s making out from the snippets he can catch from the babble.

“Oh just some french toast,” Kate says, helping him hang up the coats and discarded hats and scarves. “And some hot chocolate. Well, and there might have been some cookies in there, too,” she adds, thinking.

Scott just shakes his head. “I think you’re starting to give my mom some competition there, Kate, _she’s_ the one with the current reigning championship in grandchild-spoiling.”

“Well that’s only because she had a head start on me,” she insists. “She’s been in the game longer. I have to make up for it now that I have more grandbabies. And that includes yours, Scott, I hope you know that,” she adds, her tone so kind.

“I know. And I’m glad, and so are my guys, Kate, I promise.” He leans in and kisses her on the cheek and brings one arm around her. “It’s okay, I know it’s the holidays and I know you don’t get to see Lizzie as often these days.”

Kate kisses him back, too, patting his cheek afterwards. “Now, do you want to tell me why Alma was looking so flustered on her way out of here a minute ago?” she asks, a knowing and curious look on her face. “She didn’t seem upset, she actually seemed quite happy, just...well,” Kate stops herself. “You’d tell me if there was anything to tell.”

Scott smiles at her, exhaling a half-laugh. So much for their plan to tell the kids before anyone else. He leads her into the kitchen. “Come on in, Kate, we’ll get you a coffee and fill you in,” he tells her, her smile and the glint in her eye not lost on him.

By the time Scott’s poured her out a mug and they’re standing over the kitchen island finding other things to talk about, Tessa returns to join them again.

“Okay, they’re contained to the basement,” she reports. “They can bounce around as much as they want until lunch, then with any luck they’ll have a good nap, later,” she says, and then comes to greet her mother properly with a hug. “I’d shame you for this, except the night to ourselves really was worth it,” Tessa tells her.

“We had a good girls night,” Kate says. “And your sister decided to join us at the last minute, she packed up all of her boys to head to Toronto ahead of her, it was a nice little treat for us.”

Tessa grins. “I’ll have to catch up with her later, then, and thank her, too.” She comes to stand next to Scott, then, putting one arm around his waist. When Scott looks down at her she meets his gaze and then nods, just enough to confirm what he’s already realized. Then she looks back at her mom, her smile even bigger now.

Kate just looks at her, then at Scott, then just sighs a little. “Oh, just tell me,” she says. “There’s not a lot of other things it could be, you know.”

Tessa laughs, shaking her head. “All right. Mom, we...we’re engaged,” she tells her. She gives Scott a squeeze around his waist as he does the same for her, and then she holds out her other hand to show Kate the ring.

“Oh! Oh, that’s just wonderful, oh my darlings,” she says, standing and wrapping her arms around both of them. She gives Scott a kiss on the cheek and then Scott lets Tessa go so Kate can properly hug her, just like Alma had done. She’s smiling but Scott can see the tears glistening in her eyes.

“We haven’t told the kids, yet, but we will this afternoon,” Scott says. “And we don’t have a date yet, but believe me, you and Mom and Dad will all know as soon as we do,” he adds, anticipating her questions.

Kate laughs a little, finally releasing Tessa who’s been quiet for the last minute. She holds Tessa’s face in her hands and brushes her thumbs across her cheek. “This is really what you want?” she asks, gently, like she’s certain she knows the answer but just has to make sure, anyway.

Tessa nods, her expression bright despite her damp eyes. “It is, mom. It’s what we both want. All of us in the same family.”

Kate’s smile broadens to a grin to match her daughter’s, nodding back and then hugging her again. Then she releases her once more and then reaches for Scott. “I’m so glad, Scott, I...You all make my daughter and granddaughter so happy,” she tells him, and somehow that’s the thing that makes him choke up all of a sudden.

“The feeling is very much mutual, Kate,” he tells her, swallowing down the knot in his throat. And over her shoulder all he sees is Tessa, smiling as bright as he feels.  “Believe me, they’ve made me happier than I ever thought I would be.”

 

*

It’s later that afternoon when they do get to tell the kids, after lunch and naps and when everyone’s feeling relaxed and lazy before dinner. Scott suggests they order in pizza and Tessa happily agrees, feeling no rush to do more work than necessary. As he finishes placing the order he thinks about the number of important conversations he’s had with his children over food like this, and all of those past moments come back to him in a rush.

But in the end, it turns out to be easy, just like he’d tried to tell Tessa it would be. The boys are already in the living room and Tessa gathers the girls, bringing everyone together in the same room. Renee holds Tessa’s hand and stays next to her on the couch, Max on her other side and Aidan next to him. Scott sits on the corner of the chaise side with Lizzie on his lap, enjoying how cuddly she is after her nap. It reminds him of when she - and his own three - used to be so much littler, so easy to pick up and hug so snugly. He likes times like this, when the kids have been away for a night and are happy to be all together again.

“So,” Tessa starts, taking in a breath. She’d said she wanted to be the one to tell them everything and he’d agreed - reminding her that it wasn’t just her news but _their_ news - acknowledging all the reasons this might feel a bit more important for her and his kids, than for him and Lizzie. “Your dad and I made a big decision, and we’re really happy about it and we hope that you guys will be excited, too,” she says, in that tone of voice that he can tell she’s practiced.  

“Are we moving again?” Max asks right away. Scott smiles, remembering the last couple of times he had an important family meeting with just the three of them.

“No,” Tessa says, laughing a little. “Don’t worry, we’re not moving. We just got the basement renovation done, remember?” she says, looking from Max to Aidan.

“Yeah,” Max says, smiling and looking a little relieved. Tessa puts her hand on his knee and squeezes, briefly.

“Actually, it’s that your dad and I...we’ve decided to get married,” she says, looking from Max to Aidan and over to Renee.

“Married?” Lizzie asks, curious. It’s then that Scott thinks and realizes that Lizzie probably hasn’t ever experienced a wedding before, although he knows she understands what it is.

“Yes, honey,” Tessa answers, looking over at Lizzie. “We’ll have a big important ceremony all together, and then we’ll be husband and wife. _And_ Mama and Daddy,” she emphasizes, glancing back at the other three. They’re mostly nodding, receiving the news with little exclamation, as though they’re wondering if there’s something else really big that’s actually coming next. “Is that okay?” Tessa asks, making sure. She puts one hand on Renée’s shoulder and the other at Max’s.

“Will we get to wear pretty dresses?” Renée asks then, her voice so excited, and Tessa laughs. But she keeps one hand on her shoulder.

“Of course, honey. The very prettiest, I promise,” she says, rubbing her back a little. “We’ll go pick them out together, okay?”

“Can we get purple?” Lizzie asks, and it’s Scott’s turn to laugh a little next. Purple has been Lizzie’s new favourite colour for the last few months, replacing green almost entirely. He kisses her on the side of her head, cuddling her a little closer.

“Sure,” Tessa says, reaching over to pat Lizzie’s knee. “Whatever you girls want, okay?” Renée nods in agreement, satisfied with that answer.

“So...that means you’ll be our mom now? Like, for real?” Max asks. He looks at Scott for confirmation, and he nods, offering him an understanding smile.

“Well...yes, sort of,” Tessa explains. “It means I’ll be your step-mom,” she says. She swallows quickly, steadying herself for the real thing she wants to ask them about. If it’s possible Scott loves her even more, watching her in that split-second of swallowing down any last bit of nervousness she has. “But I would very, very much like to be your mom for real, if you’d like that too,” she tells them, looking at each of them one at a time. “Once me and your dad are married, then, I could adopt you. You boys and Renée are old enough that you’d have to sign some important papers for that to happen, not just me and Dad,” she says. “And it would mean we’d officially be each other’s family, for real. For good,” Tessa adds, her voice breaking a little.

Lizzie slides off of Scott’s lap then and just throws herself over to Tessa, wrapping her arms around her legs and nestling her head in her lap. It’s the best she can come to hugging her mother without fully climbing up onto her, and with the others around her Scott guesses this is the quickest solution. Tessa brings one hand to stroke against Lizzie’s hair, and down her back, almost just on reflex. Scott smiles, coming to crouch near Lizzie, sort of between her and Renée now.

“Is...is that okay?” Tessa asks the other three. “Would you like us to be official like that?”

Renée answers first, hugging Tessa around her middle and saying something almost too quietly for Scott to hear, where her face is buried at Tessa’s side. But he thinks it sounds a lot like, “We want you to be our mom,” and then he feels warm all over, his cheeks getting hot.

“But...we sort of thought you’re already our new mom, right?” Aidan asks then, looking slightly confused.

Tessa laughs suddenly, like that wasn’t the answer she was expecting, and then holds one hand up to her face. This time Scott can see the tears finally brimming in her eyes.

“I...I suppose I am,” Tessa answers. “I think maybe you guys knew it before I did. I think I just needed to catch up to you, that’s all.” She beams at them, her tears calming a little.

But when he looks over at Aidan again he’s surprised to see him suddenly looking at Tessa with such a concerned expression. He starts thinking back and wonders if this is the most the kids have seen Tessa crying before. And he remembers the number of times he’s heard Aidan say it’s okay to cry if they need to. But maybe Tessa’s the exception, somehow. She’s always been so steady with them, when he thinks about it.

“I’m here for you guys, for good,” she tells them, her expression serious but so heartfelt. “I love all of you so much, and you’re my family. I just want…” she swallows briefly, blinking. “I just want the rest of the world to know that too, because that’s how important you all are to me,” she finishes, her words half-swallowed by her gathering tears.

It’s then that Max leans in and just throws his arms around Tessa, hugging her around the shoulders in a kind of matching piece with Renée and Lizzie. She hugs all of them tightly, then reaches for Aidan over Max’s shoulder. Finally he leans in again too, like the last piece of a human puzzle that’s finally been fitted together.

“We all want you to be our family too, T,” Scott says, putting his hand on Lizzie’s back. “All of us together, right?” He says, looking at Lizzie and then Renée and the boys.

“ _Yeah_!” Renée says, releasing Tessa and throwing her arms around Scott with enough force to knock him backwards.

He falls back onto the carpet with a laugh and a half-surprised moan, and then before he knows it Lizzie’s joining Renée and so are the boys, one at a time. He’s got all four kids pinning him down with the best dogpile of a hug, and Tessa’s tearful laughter ringing out behind them, and in that moment there’s just about nothing else he could ask for.

*

On their last day before heading back to Toronto they bundle everyone up for a family skating outing at the Ilderton arena. Now that Lizzie’s started in on some basic lessons - not just outings with Tessa and Scott, which they both agreed was a wise move - it’s the first year all of the kids will be able to hit the ice at the same time. Tessa has her skates ready to go in her bag, but concentrates first on helping the kids all get ready. She’s confident she can still handle a gentle community skate, but at nearly six months along she’s started to not trust her balance as much as she could before, and doesn’t like the idea of any of the kids - Lizzie, mostly - needing to depend on her staying upright.

Luckily the others don’t mind being buddies with Lizzie, and Scott’s got his skates laced up and ready to go in just about record time. By the time Tessa has Lizzie ready all of the others are stepping towards the boards, ready to join the modest crowd already on the ice. Max and Aidan both have new Maple Leafs jerseys on, fresh from their Christmas presents this year, and Tessa’s even seen Renée eyeing them with some envy.

“You guys are good to go, right?” Scott says to Renée and Lizzie, as Max and Aidan are already stepping onto the ice.

“ _Yes_ , Daddy,” Renée says. She may not have the same skating impulse as her older brothers but she’s more than capable on the ice - Tessa would have expected nothing else from Scott’s children. She’s holding Lizzie’s hand and they both have eager expressions on their faces. Lizzie’s already watching all of the movement on the ice with curiosity, like she’s trying to find an open spot to move into, and Tessa smiles.

“Okay, okay,” he says, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “Lizzie, you hold Renée’s hand if you need to, okay? Or Max or Aidan,” he says, though he looks over his shoulder and sees they may already be lost in the crowd. “I’ll be out there in a sec.”

“Okay,” Lizzie answers, untroubled.

Scott takes their skate guards and makes sure they’re moving comfortably. After a minute he sees Max skate up behind them, shadowing Lizzie on her other side. Tessa lets out a contented sigh, watching them.

“What do you think, T, you want to get out there, too?” He comes to stand next to her, one hand at her back. Almost absentmindedly he rests it over a spot he knows has been feeling sore lately, and presses with his fingertips.

“In a few minutes. If I can manage to get my skates on,” she jokes. In the last few weeks bending forward has suddenly become much more of a production than it was before.

“Hey, we are a full service outfit, here,” Scott tells her, kissing her cheek. “You need help with that, Mr. Moir is here for you.”

Tessa snorts out a laugh. “And a very, very good job of it you do, too,” she says with a wink. “Right now I’m good right here, I like this view.” She leans against Scott’s shoulder, burrowing herself deeper into the big cowl over her jacket.

They watch as the girls and Max make a full round of the rink, slow but steady. When they pass by where Tessa and Scott are standing they wave excitedly. Tessa blows Lizzie a kiss. “You’re doing so well, honey!” Lizzie grins back, and keeps skating next to Renée.

About halfway through their next loop around, Lizzie trips and falls - a decently big fall, too, sliding flat on her stomach a little bit. They watch as she looks up, stunned.

Scott moves to take off his skate guards and get on the ice right away, but Tessa puts out a hand to him. “Wait, just give it a sec,” she tells him. They watch as Renée and Max help her up, dusting off her snowsuit. When she’s upright again, holding Max’s hand, Tessa can see Lizzie’s fine. A smile returns to her face as they continue skating. Aidan falls into step behind them then, too, and then they’re a little group of four again.

She admires the relieved expression on Scott’s face, and nudges him with her elbow. “They’ve been practicing falling down,” she says, trying and failing to hold back a proud grin. “At her little lessons. I talked to her teacher after the last one before Christmas. Lizzie was so pleased with herself, you should have heard her.” It had been a week when Scott was occupied with long days at the club, and helping Suzanne and her parents work on her post-rehab training plan.

“ _Virtch_ , you were holding out on me,” he says, a sly tone in his voice.

Tessa laughs then. “Yeah, a little bit. I thought you would enjoy seeing her progress. Turns out she’s not bad at this, at least for a four-year-old.”

Scott lifts his eyebrows, a thoughtful expression on his face as he watches them skate around some more. On their third lap around Lizzie’s skating without any help at all, moving between Renée and Max but not needing anyone’s hand. Scott looks at Tessa again and then back towards the kids on the ice.

“She’s good, T,” he says, entirely serious, like he’s really thinking about it. “I mean, I know she’s still really little and new at this, but...look at her, am I right?”

Tessa nods. “You’re right. I see it too.”

“If she’s that comfortable out there and she’s already moving along on her own and balancing like that…” His words trail off as he lets out a contemplative sigh.

Tessa takes his hand. “I know,” she says, her tone more than a little wistful.

“What are you thinking?” He asks, picking up on her reluctance. “You want her to keep going with lessons, or…”

“I do,” she answers quickly. “As long as she’s liking it, and wants to keep trying it. Just...let’s give it a few years before we put her on the Olympic track or anything, okay?” She’s joking, or trying to, but there’s hesitation in her voice, too. Tessa looks Scott in the eye, hoping he understands. The truth is if any of their kids wanted to take up competitive sports in any field, Tessa would support it a hundred percent. But that means they’re all growing up, too, and that’s still a little harder to adjust to, some days.

“Okay, yeah,” Scott nods. “So probably too soon to get her the Liz Manley posters, then,” he says.

Tessa laughs out loud again. “I don’t know, she might like it just for the costumes at this point. That pink dress was pretty awesome. And anyway she definitely needs Kaetlyn’s poster, too.” She feels Scott’s arm wrap around her waist and they stand and watch for a little while longer. When she speaks again it’s a little quieter. “I think...I think part of me is still just getting used to being a mom altogether,” she admits. “I wouldn’t mind it if it were a few more years yet before I’m a skating mom, too.”

“I hear you, kiddo,” Scott says, his tone mirroring hers. “I swear some days I can see Max’s hockey career just laid out before him, almost. He’s good and he’s eager and I...I wish I could have them get all the success they want without any of the heartbreak. You know?”

It’s exactly how she’s been feeling, watching Lizzie learn to move around on the ice. She just nods against Scott’s shoulder, leaning closer to him.

He drops a kiss onto the top of her head. “We’ve got time, T, don’t worry yet. They’re still kids, and they’ll fall a few times, and they’ll get up again, and we’ll figure it out together.”

“I know we will,” she says, and when she says it with him standing next to her, she really does believe it.

*

It turns out that not only are Scott and Tessa both able to go to Nationals in January - hosted happily enough in Montreal, this year - but so are Suzanne and Ken. Tessa and Scott both spend a lot of time talking things out with them, helping them visualize the program and confirm they’re feeling confident. Suzanne is nervous after returning from injury but Tessa thinks Ken is just as anxious, working hard not to put them in the way of another accident. In the end they place second, which they’re more than happy with. Tessa thinks Scott is overjoyed by that result, and she loves seeing the relief on the young skaters’ faces as they see the scores come up.

It’s made an even happier time by the fact that they get to see Patrice and Marie-France again, both in attendance to support their small flock of Canadian teams. Since Tessa and Scott missed travelling to the Grand Prix Final, having no teams in the mix this year, it’s been a couple of months since they’ve seen their old coaches and mentors.

When they finally have a chance to meet backstage, Marie-France wastes no time in embracing Tessa. “ _Ma chère,_ ” she exclaims, kissing her on both cheeks and then hugging her tightly again. “It’s been too long,” she admonishes. “Far, far too long, especially when you have such joyful events to be happy for.”

Tessa grins back at her as they separate, letting her jacket fall open and smoothing her hands across her belly. She’s reached the six-month mark and feeling every bit of it, now, and the pregnancy is also that much more obvious to the rest of the world. Although she and Scott haven’t exactly broadcast this pregnancy officially, they’re not making any efforts to hide it, either. The last visible evidence Marie-France would have seen would probably be a few shots on Instagram from before Christmas, when she and Scott were mostly bundled up anyway, working with Suzanne and Ken.

“Do I pass inspection?” Tessa says, smiling happily and turning in profile for Marie-France. From the corner of her eye she can see Scott and Patrice exchanging hugs as well, talking and looking over at the women.

Marie-France shakes her head back with a smile just as warm. “More than pass, my dear,” she says, reaching to put her hand on Tessa’s belly when she nods in permission. “Oh, and he’s not a sleepy one, either!” she comments, feeling movement right away beneath her hand.

Tessa nods in confirmation. “We don’t know for sure if it’s a ‘he’, yet,” she makes sure to clarify. “But you’re right, they’re moving around a lot in there. Especially when I’m at the rink, or here this week.”

“He knows you’re at work, and excited and focussed. Probably wants to make sure you haven’t forgotten about him, too,” she winks.

Tessa laughs. “You might be right. Mostly I just think this one likes to move. Lizzie did too, before she was born.”

Marie’s expression turns fond, then. “Oh, my dear,” she says, shifting her hand to grab Tessa’s, turning it to see the diamond on her left ring finger. “Is this what I think it is?” Her face is lit up but so warm, too.

“Yes,” Tessa answers. “We talked about it over the holidays,” she tells her, softly. “I think Scott had the ring for a little while, actually.”

“Oh, how lovely. Oh, of course he would have,” Marie says, like she’s thinking it over in her mind. “I’m sure this little one has made you both think about some things differently, _non_?”

Tessa just nods, and when she looks back at her friend she’s surprised to see such open emotion in her expression, tears clinging to her eyes as well. She squeezes her hands. “You’ll come for the wedding, of course? Maybe right before Thanksgiving? We don’t have an official date yet, but I’ve told Scott once we’re home for a minute or two we’ve got to firm up some plans.”

Marie flinches briefly, surprised. “October? Oh _ma chère_ , you really do know how to cut it close, don’t you?” she laughs, and Tessa knows she’s not wrong.

“I know, we probably should wait until the season’s over,” Tessa admits, and laughs a little with Marie-France. “But any sooner would be harder with the new baby, and if we wait any longer...well,” Tessa finishes. “There are other formalities we don’t want to wait on,” she says simply. As soon as they knew they wanted Tessa to adopt Scott’s three officially, they’d wanted to schedule everything as early as they could get away with.

“If you and Scott can make it work, then so can well,” Marie answers. “You know we could never miss it. Oh, you two,” she adds then, on a loving sigh. “The universe truly has had its own story in mind for you. It makes me happy to see you so happy, like this. You both deserve everything you want.”

Tessa laughs again, amazed at how much her comments resemble the things their families have told them - the things they’ve told each other, too. She can feel happy tears pricking at her cheeks, not sure if it’s the hormones or just the joy in the moment itself. “You might be right about that, too, Marie,” she answers. “And we don’t know what else will be waiting for us, none of us do. But whatever happens, we’ll figure it out together.”

“That’s just how it should be.” And then Marie-France pulls her in for another hug, this one gentler, and much longer. Tessa lets herself linger in it, feeling completed by it in a way she hadn’t expected to feel.

*

Just as she’d promised, once they return home from Nationals Tessa makes sure she and Scott sit down and finalize some plans. They’ve been engaged all of a few weeks, but in just a few months they’ll be new parents all over again and any hope of wedding planning will start to go right out the window. They agree on the first weekend of October, before both Thanksgiving and Skate Canada. They straight up high-five each other when, after making a few calls, they find a church in London who can accommodate them. It’s surprisingly quick work after that to book a reception hall - Scott does lean on his mother’s influence to make sure that’s secured - and once both those things are done Tessa immediately feels lighter.

“There _is_ the small matter of having to come up with a guest list and send out invitations, though,” Tessa points out.

Scott grins, immediately grabbing a pen and a notepad. “ _Easy,_ ” he says, and Tessa can’t tell if he’s joking or not. He leans forward over the coffee table and starts writing.

She leans back in her spot on the couch, clasping her hands on top of her round bump. “Oh yeah? You just let your mom book us a reception hall that seats no more than a hundred and fifty people, you really think we can keep it that low?”

“Just watch me work, Virtch,” he says, and starts rattling off names of family members on both sides, then together they run down names from the figure skating world. Before they know it Scott’s moved to a third piece of paper and stops to do a count. “Okay, it looks like we’ll make it,” he says. “It’ll be a close call, but we’ll get there.”

Tessa smiles at him. “I thought we might,” she admits. “But I have to say I was starting to worry a little. I just don’t want to do this if we can’t have all the people we care about there with us,” she says, her smile fading a little just at the thought of having to make hard decisions when it comes to the guest list. She wants all of their family there, and their skating family, too. Patrick and his wife Liz, and Marie-France and Patrice, and Kaitlyn and Andrew, and Kaetlyn, and Eric, and Megan, and Anna and Ravi, and so many others who’ve been a part of their lives for so long. These are the people they grew up with, in a lot of ways. The people who helped shape their careers, and their partnership.

Scott’s nodding. “No need to convince me,” he says in agreement. He’s got a thoughtful expression on his face that makes her think he’s thinking the same things she is. She reaches for one of his hands and squeezes. He turns to her and smiles gently, mirroring the expression she’s giving him.

“I just want it to be a nice day,” Tessa says, maybe realizing for the first time that that’s the thing she wants the most from this celebration. “I want to stand up there in front of everyone we love and care about, and put rings on each other’s fingers, and promise to be together, and then I want to have a nice dinner and a nice evening and I want everyone to go home happy,” she says all at once. She takes in a breath, feeling Scott’s hand squeeze hers again.

“I really, really, really think we can arrange that,” Scott answers, with a calmness that steadies her. “T, I know we’re going to have to make a thousand other little decisions - and that, well, we should probably hire someone to help us do all of this,” he says, in a way that reminds Tessa that he’s the one who has, in fact, done this before. “But I’d make it happen in the blink of an eye if it just gets me closer to spending the rest of my life with you, and with our kids.” He shakes his head. “That’s all I want.”

She laughs a little, feeling emotional and a little giddy at how fast they’re putting all of this together, relatively speaking. After so many years of being on her own she’d never truly considered what a wedding of her own might look like and now that she’s here planning one with Scott, there’s so much that just feels like an afterthought.

“I want my mom to give me away,” Tessa says, now searching for the only details of the day she wants to make sure they get right.

“Sounds like the right choice to me,” Scott answers. He puts down his pen and pushes the notepad aside.

“And I want Jordan to be my matron of honour, and Renee and Lizzie to be flower girls with her,” she adds.

“Done. And I’m led to believe there’s already been a request for purple dresses, so _that’s_ one detail we can cross off the list,” he adds with raised eyebrows, and Tessa laughs again.

“And...And I want lots of flowers, that people take home with them at the end, and lots of wine and champagne, and cake, oh, Scott please let’s have the cake be chocolate,” she pleads, and he laughs, knowing that’s something she’s been craving even more fiercely lately.

“Done and done,” he says. “Anything else?”

“I want you at the front of the church,” she adds softly, running her thumb across the back of his hand. “In a nice suit, with the boys next to you.” She swallows against a knot of emotion in the back of her throat, even just picturing it. For a split second she wishes they didn’t have to wait so long to do this, but then she remembers why they’re waiting and she rubs one hand down the curve of her belly. “I want all of us up there, together.”

“That’s the one thing you don’t need to ask about, T. That’s going to be guaranteed, always.” And then he leans in and kisses her, quickly and gently, and then much, much more deeply after that.

 

*

The bustle of February quickly rushes past them in a blur of end-of-season competitions, and check-ups for Tessa - all looking good, to their relief - and final preparations decorating the baby’s room and getting ready for the birth. The kids have all started asking questions more frequently, about when the baby will come and what its name might be. It’s encouraging for both Scott and Tessa, seeing that everyone seems to be adjusting to the new situation.

After some discussion - a little more anxious on Scott’s part than Tessa’s - Scott heads off to Worlds with Andrew just as they’d originally planned at the beginning of the season. Boosted by her midwife appointment from a couple of days before, Tessa reassures him that the baby is showing no signs of coming early. It’s not an exact guarantee, of course, and they both know that, but Tessa knows if he stayed in Toronto he’d be just as fidgety wondering about his teams. Sofia and Tomas have a solid chance at top ten, maybe even top seven depending on how the free dance shakes out, and Tessa wants him to be there for that.

Sure enough, even the Braxton-Hicks contractions she’d felt briefly last week ease off, and she spends the week gratefully supported by Kate, as well as their babysitter. And now that the baby’s dropped she can breathe a little easier, even if she’s still moving slower now and feeling heavier in other ways.

And then, she feels especially glad Scott’s there with his teams in Vienna as the end of the competition plays out. She sits with Kate and Lizzie and Renée, watching on the screen as Sofia and Tomas execute a season’s best free dance and receive their seventh-place finishing scores a few minutes later.

The next day is Sunday and Tessa wakes up feeling more energetic than she has all week, filled with the need to spend as much time as she can with the kids on their last day of the weekend. She and Kate get breakfast together and then she heads to the park with Lizzie and Renée, and Ringo, enjoying one of the first sunny, snow-free days of the spring. Later she gets Max to help her and Renée put lunch together, and he tells her all about the latest video games. Listening to him she feels almost like she’s blinked and so many things have changed, there are titles and characters and machines she’s never even heard of, but he and his friends are expert in them already.

Then in the afternoon, she heads down to the rec room with Aidan while he shows her more of what he’s been working on. His school dance club has plans for a final show at the end of the year as part of the class talent show. They have a good balance of boys and girls in the group now, and what Aidan’s describing sounds like a full on showcase, not just an end-of-year talent show. For a fifth grade production it sounds quite elaborate, and Tessa thinks they must be doing quite well with the new instructor they’ve been working with since last year.

He shows her some of the steps he’s been practicing for a group hip-hop number. She stands with him for while and does her best to demonstrate a couple of positions with him, but eventually moves to sit down, feeling more tired than she’d expected. She asks questions and gives him pointers and he runs through some steps again a couple more times.

“Tell me again when the show is, Aidan? It’s in May, right? Or is it June?” She’s found herself forgetting details like this recently, and it might be the thing she dislikes the most about being this pregnant.

“Third week of May,” Aidan says right away, like it’s already a mental countdown for him. “And Grade Five graduation is third week of June,” he adds, and it’s a reminder of the school notices that have already started coming through the last couple of months.

Tessa nods, thinking. “Okay, good,” she says, calculating in her head. If the baby comes on time that would give her more than a month before his recital, and two by the time of the boys’ class graduation. She finds one hand drifting absentmindedly across her belly, moving back and forth over a spot where she can feel movement. She presses her hand a little against the spot and feels a thump in response, which feels oddly steadying.

“Will you still be able to come?” Aidan asks, coming to sit next to her, kneeling so his legs are tucked under him.

She nods again. “Yes, yes, I think so.” She wants to say _yes, of course, yes I will definitely be there,_ but the reality is that none of them know for sure how things will go once the baby’s here. They could get an easy baby who sleeps a lot and she and Scott might be as mobile and flexible as can be, or the baby could be fussy and colicky and turn the house upside down. Or, more likely, something in between. And although Tessa had recovered well in the couple of months after having Lizzie, she’s older now and can’t make any guarantees about how fast she’ll be able to spring back into action.

Tessa lets out a brief sigh, and sees Aidan still looking at her, his expression more uncertain now. She puts one hand on his shoulder, continuing quickly. “Of course I’m still going to try to be there, Aidan. For your shows? And all your important lessons, if you want to keep going with this.” She shakes her head. “I know the new baby’s going to change a few things, but I’m not going anywhere, A, I promise,” she insists. “You know that, right?”

“I know,” he nods, and she thinks he sounds genuine, but also like he’s hesitant about something.

“What is it, honey? You can tell me anything, you know that.” She rubs her hand across his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just...Dad was telling us once the baby comes you’ll be more busy, and how babies take lots of time and everything,” he tells her. He’s ducking his head a little, like he’s trying to be sensible about things. He and Max are getting so big now, she thinks, they’re both such mature and thoughtful boys, in their own different ways. But there are moments like this when she sees the younger versions of them too, from years ago, young boys needing reassurance that it’s all going to be okay.

“Oh,” is all Tessa says at first, feeling at a loss, because Aidan’s not exactly wrong. And Scott had told her he was trying to help the kids get used to the idea that both of their parents would be a little preoccupied once the baby arrives, but especially Tessa. She knows it’s for the best to try to prepare them, because it’s all true - even when she looks back on those early weeks with Lizzie who was such a good baby, so much of it is just one big blur of feedings and diapers and unpredictable sleep. “Well, but of course I want to be there, Aidan, just like if Max had an important game or Renée has a choir recital, or…” she swallows, feeling choked up all of a sudden. She blinks at tears that have quickly sprung up and tries to will them away but there’s no helping it.

“Oh don’t cry, T,” he says quickly, which just makes her choke up more. He doesn’t usually say that, at least not to her. “I didn’t mean for you to be sad,” he insists, putting his hands out to her. He puts one hand on her cheek like it might make her tears go away.  

Tessa laughs a little bit, and the tears do spill, then. “It’s okay, sweetie.” She puts her arms all the way around him and he leans in closer to her, tucked against her side. “These are good tears. You know tears are okay sometimes,” she reminds him, thinking about the times she’s heard him say that to Scott or the others.

“But I didn’t want to make _you_ cry,” he explains, his voice regretful.

“It’s okay, Aidan. Sometimes I can’t help it, especially right now,” she says, even though she knows the boys don’t like to hear a lot about the details of pregnancy. “But it’s only because I love you,” she says more softly. “And sometimes that’s just how it comes out.” She pulls back to press a kiss to the top of his head, brushing one hand across his hair like she always used to when they were so much younger. His face is a little red now, like he’s embarrassed. But she can feel him relaxing a little more, reassured.

“Okay,” he says, a little muffled. He’s smiling more, too.

She lets out a breath, feeling a little steadier herself. “I’m always going to love you, Aidan, nothing could ever change that.” It’s like the words are coming of their own volition now, like she has to say them now while she has the chance. She has to swallow again, blinking. “And I’m so excited for you to be a big brother again, you and Max are the best big brothers anyone could ask for. But you will always be special to me, you and your brother and sister, always, _always_. I love you no matter what, okay?”

He nods quickly, his head still tucked close against her shoulder. “Okay,” he repeats. “I love you too, T,” he says, more quietly, and her heart just reaches for him.

Tessa wraps her arms around him again, as tightly as she can, until they’re both laughing all of a sudden. She feels lighter now, and hopes this hasn’t all been too much for what started out as easy dance lesson.

Aidan pulls away, bashful, but smiling. “Can I show you the other routine now?” he asks, hopeful.

Tessa laughs again, wiping at her eyes with both hands. “Of course. Yes, I would like that very much.” He stands up and moves to take his position from before, concentrating again. She clasps her hands around her belly and sits back, watching him.

She thinks about the next couple of months and how much there is to come, and how much she can’t wait for all of it.

 

*

Although Scott still wishes he’d been able to take Tessa for a proper vacation this winter - and he knows she’s disappointed that the trip to Italy with her mother and sister will be postponed for a little while - he does his best to make up for it by taking her off for a long weekend at the cottage. It’s a far cry from Italy or France, for sure, but as the calendar turns over from March to April it’s warm enough to walk outside without being too bundled up, and the snow banks have melted. They treat it like a mini holiday, catching up on sleep, enjoying each other’s company - in more ways than one - and Scott cooks for both of them.

They return from their brief vacation feeling rested and renewed. Scott knows Tessa’s been feeling more tired lately, and he’s glad he could at least offer her a brief getaway while they had the chance. It’s made him look forward even more to when they’ll have their honeymoon - which they’ve decided will be a few months after the wedding, next spring when they can properly take time off after next season is finished - and he can spirit her away somewhere for even more time, just to themselves.

With less than two weeks to go before Tessa’s due date, Scott clears all significant responsibilities from his calendar. He’s planning to step back from the club for a few months at least, wanting to spend as much time at home as possible. He’s more than a little bit grateful the baby’s arrival is timed this way, at the end of the season when most of his crew are taking a good long pause and some needed recovery time before starting the next season’s preparations. In a way, they couldn’t have planned the baby’s timing better if they’d tried.

Over the next week he finds himself spending as much time with the kids as he can, for the first time in months his only job is to be there for his family. He plays video games with Max and asks him about his schoolwork, and his friends. He asks Aidan to show him the routines he’s been preparing, envious that Tessa already knows so much more about it than he does. He looks over Renée’s reading challenge from school and helps her go to the library catalog online to add new borrowing requests from the top of her list. And he sits with Lizzie as she tells him stories about her stuffed animals and dolls, amazed at the entire worlds she’s invented for them.

In the evenings he’s noticed Tessa mostly takes time to rest, spending time with the kids on the couch or while sitting at meals. He reminds himself her fatigue is to be expected, and tries to remind the kids of the same thing. More than one evening he notices Renée and Lizzie cuddled close with her on the couch, and Ringo trying to fit himself next to her, too, his head tucked next to her belly. These days Tessa’s often asleep by the time he even gets changed into his own pyjamas, and he misses getting the chance to talk to her one-on-one like they’ve usually done. He thinks the kids feel same way, judging from how he’s seen Renée linger closer to her at mealtime, or how before bed he notices Lizzie trying to ask for ‘just one more’ story, more than once.

“Did you know Max has a crush on someone?” Scott asks Tessa one evening, chatting to her in the kitchen as he finishes cleaning up. She’s resting on one chair with her feet up on another, listening and chatting back with him while he finishes cleaning up. Her hands are folded over her very round bump, her expression relaxed.

The kids have long since dispersed to their activities and television programs, with Ringo lying in the centre hallway, valiantly attempting to guard the entire house at once. Scott’s preparing to go find Lizzie and Renée first, in a few minutes, to make sure they’ll be ready for bed before too long, but can’t help himself lingering to chat with Tessa.

“I did know that,” Tessa answers, her expression delighted. “He actually asked me about it the other day, it was so sweet, Scott.”

He pauses, momentarily indignant, but somehow equally delighted, knowing that Max would come to her to talk about something like that. “How are you so ahead of me on the house gossip?” He takes up the mugs of tea he’s prepared for both of them and comes to join her.

She shrugs a little. “I’ve learned there are some advantages of being the one parent in the house over the winter,” she says, sipping from her mug. “I don’t think I realized how much happens in their lives all at once some days. It’s pretty awesome getting the live reports.”

Scott takes a sip from his mug, too, thinking. Whenever he and Tessa would return from a few days away at competitions the first hour or so back at home would always feel like a barrage of news and updates. But taking over the back half of the season on his own means Tessa’s been on duty at home in his absence, and so the kids have all relied on her in those times. It’s been a challenging transition for her, too, but the payoff is just as rewarding as a result.

“Her name is Samira, right?”

Tessa nods. “She’s on the girls swim team. I guess their practices change over around the same time as the hockey team starts theirs, and he’s chatted with her a couple of times,” she says. “His friends are all encouraging him to ask her to be his ‘date’ to the sports banquet at the end of the year, It’s really very charming.”

“Date? Oh man, T, they’re still _ten_ , they’re asking each other out on dates already?” His head swims a little bit.

She laughs. “I don’t think it’s as complex as that. I think Grade Five dating is still pretty chill. Probably they’ll hang out a couple of times and then have to break up over the summer,” she says knowingly.

“Okay,” he nods. “That much I can handle. Do you think...do you think I should say anything else to him about it?”

“Maybe, if he wants to. Or if they do go on a date he’d probably like some tips,” she says with a wink. “Suitable for ten-year-olds, of course,” she adds.

“Okay,” Scott repeats. He lets out a breath. “Oh man, T,” he reaches out and puts a hand on her knee, stroking a little down her leg and then back up again. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too, kiddo. Me too.”

*

Despite Scott’s well-intentioned readiness once returning from Worlds, and as Tessa’s due date approached closer and closer, the baby seems insistent on not arriving on time. Tessa experiences rounds of Braxton-Hicks contractions a few times, including a spell of them about a week before her due date that had been strong enough for her to make the call to ask Kate to drive in from London as planned, but then everything had subsided again.

Kate has stayed put ever since then - which he and Tessa are both grateful for, especially since she’s also planning to help them out for a week or two after the baby comes. But the baby’s stayed put, too, much to Tessa’s dismay. After that she starts going for longer walks in the afternoon with her mother, and picking from the spiciest things on the menu when they order in food for dinner - anything that might start to nudge things along.

Her due date arrives, and she receives a home visit from her primary midwife Miriyam. Tessa’s briefly encouraged when they tell her she’s two centimetres dilated, but deflates again at the news that she hasn’t shown much other cervical change. Miriyam’s sympathetic, and offers a listening ear as much as anything else. She tells them to call her if any significant change happens, or if Tessa’s water breaks, and leaves them with a short list of other things to try to help things move faster, along with a promise to visit again in a few days even if she hasn’t heard from Tessa by then.

The next day passes uneventfully save for a few rounds of mild contractions that seem to vanish almost as quickly as they start. By the time they’re getting ready for bed the evening after that they are still very much as a household of six, and Scott looks over the list again.

“You know, there _are_ other ways we could speed things up that we haven’t tried yet, if you want,” he suggests to her that night, as she lowers herself into bed and settles against the pillows next to him. He knows she’s uncomfortable, and the constant waiting and wondering has just been an added source of irritation.

Tessa lets out a breath, both hands coming to rest on her very round belly. As exhausted and impatient as she is, he still thinks she’s beautiful, in some ways the most beautiful she’s ever been to him. He thinks it to himself every day, and keeps telling her that even if she shrugs it off like he must be joking, because he’s not joking at all.

Scott runs the back of his hand gently along her arm, up and down and then back again. He looks her in the eye and lifts his eyebrows, doing his best attempt at a seductive look. She sighs again and throws him a look right back, as though debating whether to take him seriously or not.

“Fine, it _is_ tempting,” Tessa admits. “Who knows when we’ll have any action once the baby comes. And it would be really, really amazing to not be pregnant anymore,” she says, slumping back heavily, her hands dropping into her lap.

“I wish I could do more, Tess. I know it’s got to be hard this close to the end. And you _are_ so close, it’s...well it would be mathematically impossible for it to not be close. This one just wants to stay cozy with you a little longer.”

She snorts a little. “That’s a nice idea. I’d believe it if it didn’t feel so much like I’m running out of room.” She rests one hand at the side of her belly again, where he can make out the push of a foot underneath her skin, obvious beneath the stretched fabric of her t-shirt. The movement stills and then she drops her hand, clasping both together again around the lower curve of her bump. “I don’t even know how I feel anymore, I just...it’s like I’m achy and sensitive and over-stimulated all at once. Except also still exhausted.”

Scott reaches a hand towards her belly and she lets him rest it there, feeling for movement but mostly just wanting to offer a reassuring touch. He can feel the baby roll a little and then it’s still again. He moves his hand slowly along her belly, hoping it feels good to her. If it doesn’t then there’s not much point in trying much else more intense. She lets him continue the touch, though, even seems to relax a little more.

“Maybe I could just help you feel good, T,” he says. “Even if it doesn’t help the baby come any faster. It might relax you, help you sleep a bit.”

Tessa looks back at him with a tired smile. “You’re very sweet,” she says, bringing one hand to his cheek. She eventually nods her head at him, resigned.

“Yeah?” he asks, reading her expression as an indication for him to go to work.

“Yeah,” she answers, kissing his lips briefly.

He smiles - a half-smirk, really - and comes around to her side of the bed. She watches him with a pleased expression as he rearranges the pillows behind her, helps her swing her legs over the edge of the mattress.

Then Scott’s kneeling, nestled between her legs. He straightens a little so he can see her face again, making sure she feels comfortable.

“Tell me if anything doesn’t feel good,” he says, his voice suddenly low and husky.

Tessa nods, her eyes so dark, now. “I will.” She reaches a hand to his cheek, her fingers combing through his hair before resting on his shoulder.

He nods back, and then makes quick work of pulling down her shorts and panties, kissing a gentle path along the inside of one leg and then the other. The scent of her there quickly becomes powerful, almost overwhelming. He’s struck with the urge to just breathe her in and so he does just that. He places a gentle kiss there at the top of her legs where the curve of her bump ends, and then another one a little lower still. His nose brushes at her folds and he just breathes in and then out again, feeling suddenly light-headed.

It’s enough to elicit a reaction from her, a sort of half-whimpered breath. Her hand moves from his shoulder back to his hair, her fingers playing, encouraging him. She wasn’t exaggerating at all when she’d said she was overly sensitive.

He kisses a path down one side of her, over to the soft skin where her belly meets her hip. He licks at the smooth, pale skin there and feels her hips shift underneath him. He can’t help the satisfied smile already on his face, as he brings his hands up to hold her hips and thighs more firmly in place. She’s almost vibrating underneath him.

Then he brings his tongue back to her centre, licking her in one slow, firm movement. She bucks again underneath him and he looks up at her quickly, making sure the reaction was in fact positive. He’s rewarded when she sees his expression and nods, quickly. “Keep going,” she says, already sounding breathless. If this is how she feels already this isn’t going to take long, he thinks.

And so he does. He keeps stroking her with his tongue, widening her thighs as well as he can. His movement up and down brings his head nudging up against her belly every time, and it would almost be comical, he thinks fleetingly, except the noises Tessa’s making are anything but funny. She’s breathing hard, moans escaping her in a rhythm along with his tongue, escalating once he slowly slides one finger into her folds. She shivers at the extra touch, pressing her hips into his hand, and after another minute he adds a second.

With only one arm free to grip her legs, now, he feels her bucking more strongly against his mouth and hand. He can feel and hear how close she is. He works her more firmly now, mouth and fingers moving in sync. It’s enough that he can feel her shuddering and her breaths turning to gasps, her orgasm starting deep inside her. When he closes his mouth around her clit, it’s just seconds before she’s screaming above him, both of her hands grasping at his hair and holding him in place.

She rides it out for a good long moment and then falls back on a moan, her breath coming back to her in gasps. He kisses the inside of one thigh again and she twitches again, whimpering. He pulls away, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Oh,” Tessa says, half incoherently. Her hands are reaching, grasping for his shoulders. “Get up here,” she tells him, her voice breathless. He stands, leaning forward to kiss her on the lips, her mouth opening to him immediately. Her tongue slides against his, breathing him in and tasting him all at once. He leans one hand on the bed next to her, rubbing the other along her waist and the side of her belly. She wraps her arms around his shoulders, bringing him close as they kiss again and again, more deeply each time.

“Tell me what you want, T,” he says as they finally part.

“You behind me,” she answers quickly. She plants both hands on the mattress beside her, holding herself up. She’s flushed all the way down to her chest, looking about as undone as he’s seen her, and he thinks she looks glorious.

Scott kisses her again quickly, open-mouthed and eager, before climbing around to the other side of her. He rearranges some of the pillows back to top of the bed where they were before. Kneeling behind her, he wraps her in his arms, one just under her breasts and the other around her belly.

Feeling him at her back makes her relax even more. She leans into his embrace, a sigh escaping her lips as she tips her head back against one of his shoulders. It’s easy then for him to turn his head and cover her lips with his. He kisses her softly, then once more and a third time, drawing the kiss from her like it’s all he wants to do. Except, there is much, much more that he wants to do.

Gently he moves the hand under her breasts to cup one, squeezing. She breaks the kiss, then, wincing enough to make him stop his movements. He realizes she must be too sensitive there, and he draws his hand away again.

“It’s okay,” she says, anticipating his question. “Just...keep going, just softer there.” She brings up one hand to his cheek, turning and kissing him again more firmly in reassurance.

He breaks the kiss and nods back, planting kisses along her shoulder. She’s still wearing her t-shirt. He pulls at the fabric where it’s already straining and riding up over her waist and she nods, lifting her arms so he can peel it away. She lets her arms down again and reaches one towards him, tugging at his sleeve. “This, too,” she gets out on a breath. “Want to feel you behind me.”

Scott makes quick work of the shirt, as well as his boxers, and then he’s got his arms around her again and it’s just the two of them, skin on skin. His bare chest against her back, his hands pressed flat against the warm curves of her body. He kisses her neck, behind her ear where it meets the curve of her jaw, and she shivers again.

Holding her close, he lowers them down together, her still wrapped in his arms as they lie nestled together on their sides. Briefly she shifts, settling into a comfortable position against the pillows. He reaches for another pillow for her legs and helps her place it between her knees. Then she’s nodding again, reaching one arm out behind her to grasp his hip.

He kisses her cheek once more and presses himself close against her from behind. He’s hard now, has been for a while and it’s only due to being so focussed on Tessa that he hasn’t moved to take care of it just yet. But he’s very, very ready to do something about it now, as he rubs up against her backside. Her breath escapes her in a quick, hot, exhalation as she presses back into him, urging him on.

He reaches between her leg and strokes her quickly, finding her still just as slick as a few minutes ago.

“Please, Scott,” she says, her voice imploring.

Finally he thrusts into her from behind, a single quick motion that sheathes him deeply and immediately. “God, _Tess_ ,” he says, and then more softly as he starts to move inside her. “Tess,” he repeats again, and again, almost reverently.

She takes his hand and places on it flat against her belly, keeping her body wrapped firmly in his arms and steadying them both as he moves and thrusts, over and over. Eventually she reaches back again, grabbing his hip and squeezing his bottom. They quickly find a rhythm with her arching and pressing back into him, each of his thrusts now bringing him as close to her as they can possibly get.

Before much longer her moans are louder, keening. He can tell that his release won’t wait much longer, and by the sounds of it neither will hers. He moves his hand down from her belly to the hard, throbbing nub between her legs and then she’s coming with a hoarse scream that she buries in her pillow, turning her head as her whole body tightens and clenches. He follows her quickly, spilling himself inside her on a groan.

She falls back, limp, half against him and half against the pillows. He wraps his arms around her again as they shudder and crash, aftershocks rippling through her. It’s the strangest thing how he can feel the muscles in her belly tightening and relaxing, and then tightening again. But she settles back in his arms, her breathing gradually returning to normal.

Scott kisses her bare shoulder, following the line of muscle there. Then he sits up a little to continue the path along her collarbone, and then her cheek, before finally kissing her lips once more.

“Good?” he asks, because it’s the only question he needs to know the answer to right now. If she wanted to go again he would do it, but he can already see her exhaustion taking over again.

“So good,” she says, her voice hiding none of her fatigue but none of the pleasure and relief, either. “So good, Scott,” she repeats.

He kisses her again, before reluctantly moving away for a moment. When he returns it’s to help her clean up, and then he helps her pull on a fresh camisole and shorts. If it were any other circumstances he’d help her over to the bathroom and shower with her, washing up together and touching each other however they wanted; Maybe even let her sit on the bench on one side of the big shower while he kneels in front of her again, steaming water running over their entwined bodies. But it’s sleep that’s taking over now for her. He can see Tessa’s eyes blinking heavily and then closing shut for good, her arms settling around her belly.

After heading to the bathroom to wash up, too, he returns a few moments later and finds her already asleep. He gets into bed next to her and turns out her light and then settles next to her. He wonders then how much longer they’ll be waiting for their new arrival, whether or not they might have helped things along any faster. He thinks about holding the new baby, about the kids getting to meet their new brother or sister. He thinks about Kate downstairs, ready to meet her newest, and probably last, grandchild, and his own mother in Ilderton who has probably stayed within an inch of her phone every day for the last few weeks.

He rests his arm at Tessa’s round waist, thinking about how they’re about to be _Mom and Dad_. Not just a father and step-mother, or partners, or “Mama” and “Daddy Scott,” or “Daddy,” and “T,” but Mom and Dad to the same new little person. It lands on him so hard he’s glad to be lying down because if he was standing he thinks his knees might buckle.

That’s the last thought he remembers before he falls asleep, too.

 

*

It’s a few hours later when he wakes up to the sensation of Tessa shaking him.

“ _Scott_ ,” she’s saying insistently, like this isn’t her first attempt at trying to wake him up.

“Mm,” he murmurs. She’s sitting up in bed, both hands on her belly. She’s turned her light on, and he can tell she’s been awake longer than just a minute or two. “The baby?” He asks in confirmation.

She nods at him. “I had a few contractions that woke me up,” she says. “And then when I got up to go to the bathroom just now I’m pretty sure my water broke.”

“Oh, wow,” he reacts. He’s fully awake now. A jolt of excitement runs through him, combined with nervousness - and a little bit of male pride, thanks to their earlier activities that seem to have done their job. They’re doing this now, for real.

“You’re sure?”

Tessa nods again. “Yes. This isn’t like the ones I was having before, it’s…” She doesn’t manage to to finish her explanation before she has to pause. She closes her eyes and squeezes his hand. Her face is slightly scrunched up in concentration, but she’s breathing in and out, getting through it. These are definitely real contractions.

“These are big ones already, huh?” He says as she relaxes her grip a moment later, opening her eyes again to look at him.

“Definitely,” she says. “They weren’t this painful yesterday but they for sure are now,” she says.

“Wow,” he repeats, a little dumbly.

“Yeah. So I guess _that_ worked,” she says, glancing around the bed, clearly meaning their earlier activities.

Scott barely suppresses a laugh but does let himself grin a little bit. He sits up further, shifting closer to her. “I’ll just let myself brag for about thirty seconds if that’s okay.”

“Deal,” Tessa agrees. “If this is really the real thing this time I’m just glad it’s finally happening.”

He’d like to take a moment to enjoy the satisfaction but in reality his mind is racing to what they’re supposed to do next. “We should call Miriyam, right?” He’s going back in his mind to the instructions she gave them, realizing it really just amounts to that one key step. He doesn’t need to pack her off to the hospital or get the car warmed up or anything like that. He just needs to make sure Tessa’s okay, and that’s something he feels more than qualified for.

Tessa nods once more, letting go of his hand and moving to shift her legs over the edge of the bed. “I should have a few minutes before the next one comes,” she tells him. “I want to go down and tell Mom, I promised I’d wake her up if anything started. And this is definitely starting now.” He gets up and moves quickly to her side, reaching his hands out to help her if she needs. She takes them without saying anything and lets him help her stand up, exhaling a breath as she does.

“You’re sure? I can run down and get her.”

“You call Miriyam, I’ll get Mom,” she tells him, and then shakes her head a little. “Besides, I want to move around a bit while I still can.”

“How do you want to do this?” he asks then, squeezing her hands. “You want the shower?”

“Maybe. I’ll see where I’m at once Miriyam and Denise get here. With Lizzie when my water broke I was just at four centimetres.” She shrugs a little, and then leans forward into his arms. He lets go of her hands to put his arms around her. “We could still have a ways to go,” she says, sounding resigned.

He presses a kiss to her temple. “We’ll see what they say, then.” A thought occurs to him and then he glances quickly at his watch, noting the still very early time. “At least we’ve got lots of time before the kids will have to head off to school. We should call Jordan too, right?” Tessa had worked it out with her that she’d be there for the birth but if it was more important to have someone running point for the rest of the kids then she could do that too.

“Mm, yes,” Tessa nods, taking a deep breath in and out. He can feel her body close against his and it doesn’t seem like there’s another contraction just yet. So they just sway for a moment as he feels her start to relax a little more in his arms. Then she lifts her head, looking at him with a pensive, tender expression.

“What is it?” He wonders suddenly if he’s forgetting something.  

“Nothing,” Tessa says, smiling a little. “Just...you’re so excited. I can tell you’re worried, too,” she adds. “But I’m so glad you’re so excited.” She leans back towards him then and wraps her arms around his shoulders, leaning up close to him as much as she can. “I am too.” He can hear the emotion welling up in her voice. “I just wanted to say that just in case it gets harder to tell in the next few hours.”

Honestly it wouldn’t matter to him if she hates him a little bit for the next little while, but he doesn’t believe she’d ever go that far. All the same, he’ll do whatever she needs him to do, and then some. “You just do what you need to do, okay?” He presses another kiss to the side of her face and holds onto her, letting her lean into him. She nods wordlessly and starts swaying a little in his arms, suddenly in no rush to move although he knows that’s exactly what they’re supposed to be doing.

She’s still nodding as the next contraction comes over her then. It starts quickly enough that it seems to take her by surprise. Tessa presses her head into the crook of his shoulder as she keeps up her breathing, a groan escaping her this time as the contraction starts up and keeps going, longer than the last one. Scott manages to check the time again and estimates it’s taking more than half a minute before the contraction dissipates. After it does Tessa lifts her head, slightly breathless. She clasps her hand on his shoulders as she steadies herself, and he brushes his hands over her hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner, waiting for the next cue.

“Midwife, Scott,” she says firmly, letting go of his shoulders. “Now.”

He nods quickly. “On it.” And with that he rushes to grab his phone, watching attentively as Tessa makes her way out to the corridor and down to where Kate is sleeping, waiting.

In the less-than-an-hour of time it takes for them to wake Kate, call the midwives, call Jordan, and for Tessa to take a few slow laps around the main floor before heading back upstairs to the bedroom once Miriyam and Denise both arrive, Tessa’s contractions are already intense enough she’s having trouble talking through them.

“ _Shit_ , this hurts,” Tessa gets out, barely under her breath. She sits back on the bed as the latest contraction comes to an end. “Please tell me this isn’t going to take all day,” she says to the midwives, already sounding like she’s working hard. Kate’s sitting next to her now, helping her to tie her hair up on top of her head. Scott’s ready to do whatever Tessa needs, and still wishes he could do more for her than what he’s doing right now - mostly trying to stay calm, and reassuring, and be her voice to focus on when she needs it.

“You’re okay, Tess, you’re okay. We’re gonna get there so soon, the baby will be here before we know it,” he says. He sits down on the chair near the bed and pulls it forward a little so he’s closer to her.

“I know,” Tessa says quickly. She’s got her eyes closed as she breathes, one hand cradling her belly and the other now clutching Kate’s hand.  

Miriyam examines her, and Tessa and Scott are astonished to learn that not only has her water indeed broken but she’s already dilated to seven centimetres. Scott just looks back at Tessa with an amazed expression - when he said they’d see the baby soon he hadn’t counted on it being quite as soon as all that.

“What?” Tessa blurts out, more surprised than any of them. “But I can’t be that far, with Lizzie it was hours and hours before I made it to seven,” she says, like she’s trying to think back in her memory to how it felt.

“This is your second baby,” Miriyam says, kind and matter-of-fact. “You’re making great progress so far.” She pats one hand on Tessa’s knee, offering a gentle smile.  

“Oh my God, Tess, you’re doing this,” he says, well aware that he’s stating the obvious. Kate squeezes his shoulder and moves out of the way, letting him come sit next to Tessa. He holds her hand and presses a kiss to the side of her face.

“Didn’t think it would happen this fast,” Tessa says, sounding surprised but also excited, he thinks. Fleetingly he wonders just how fast, whether this is going to be over in a matter of hours or just minutes at this point. He reminds himself to be patient, and that nothing is completely predictable when it comes to babies’ arrivals. “So? Boy or girl?” Tessa asks, still a little breathless.

They’d decided not to find out the baby’s gender until the birth and had kept that resolution, but nevertheless had been going back and forth on guesses and preferences for a few months now. Scott smiles, right now just amazed at the idea the baby will be here so soon.

“I don’t know,” Scott says, thinking. “I think I wouldn’t mind being outnumbered if it was a little girl. You still think it’s a boy?”

She nods, moving one hand back and forth across her belly. “I don’t even know why, I just...it feels like it’s a boy.”

Scott squeezes her hand. “I’ll be happy either way,” he says. “Either one, just healthy.”

Tessa nods, agreeing. “Same,” she says. She leans in to kiss him on the lips quickly, then ends up resting her head on his shoulder while the next contraction starts. She groans as it comes over her, turning into a longer moan.

The midwife is bright and calm, and Scott’s glad to have the encouragement, mostly for Tessa - he needs no further boosting at all right now. It’s then that his phone buzzes with a message from Jordan - she’s pulling up to the house now. “It’s Jordan,” he reports, and Tessa’s happy and relieved reaction to that news makes him glad, too.

He leaves Tessa in the capable hands of Kate and the midwives while they set up a few supplies in the room and get everything ready, and makes his way downstairs. By the time he gets to the front door Jordan’s already coming up the front walk, and he opens the door just in time for her to walk up to it.

Jordan wastes no time, just throws her arms around him. Suddenly he’s transported back to that night four and a half years ago, when he’d been waiting so hopefully for the message with Tessa’s happy announcement and instead had answered Jordan’s anxious video call. Then he’d spent the next thrilling and terrifying couple of hours talking Tessa through it as she brought Lizzie into the world. This time he gets to be the one to welcome Jordan into the room.

“She’s already at seven,” Scott tells her, and Jordan looks back in relief and amazement.

“Seven? Oh wow, already,” Jordan says, shedding her jacket and dropping her bag on the hallway table. Her voice is hushed but excited. “And Mom’s here, too,” she says, more for her own accounting, and Scott nods. “Did you call Alma? Is she coming?”

His eyes widen as he realizes he’s forgotten to tell his own family what’s happening. He’s been so focussed on Tessa, on helping her by making sure she’s surrounded by the people she needs and loves the most. But Alma is on their list, too, and he can’t believe he’d forgotten. As Scott taps out a quick message to Alma he hears Jordan chuckling softly, and feels her hand on his shoulder. It ends up being the last time he looks at his phone for the next couple of hours.

They head upstairs again, coming into the room just as Tessa’s coming out of another contraction. When she sees her sister she holds her arms out gratefully and Jordan goes to her, wrapping her in a gentle hug.

For the next hour or so Scott mostly stands back, ready when one of the midwives asks him to take care of something, or when Tessa signals for him to massage her back. He goes down to the kitchen and back again a few times for ice, or water, or anything else that’s needed. He ducks his head in to each of the kids’ rooms but discovers they’re all still sound asleep despite the mild commotion.

Tessa alternates positions for a while, changing from standing, to leaning over the bed, to kneeling and resting over an exercise ball. Kate and Jordan stay close, ready to grip her hand or offer soothing touches. They seem to know what Tessa needs before she’s able to verbalize it, and for a fleeting moment he feels envy at their shared knowledge - they’ve both done this before with her. It’s like he’s watching the scene unfold in front of him but not part of it in the same way they are.

But then something seems to change, and when Tessa reaches out it’s only for Scott, now. She grasps his hand when the contractions come, now longer and harder, and so much closer together. By the next few contractions they’re standing again near the bed and Tessa’s fallen back into his arms, holding onto him as they sway together.

This might be the fifth child to be welcomed into this house, and the first brand new baby to join them in their blended family, but it’s still only the second one to be delivered by Tessa. There’s a part of Scott that’s simply glad to be here with her right now, supporting her while she goes through all of this for a second time. He still remembers how worried he felt watching Tessa and listening while she laboured with Lizzie, seeing her born but not being able to touch her or hold her until so many weeks later. If Tessa were doing this again on her own he’d still want to be there with her to help her through it.

And then there’s another, much bigger part of him that’s so, so happy that they get to add to their family. After Renée had arrived he and Christine knew they were stopping there, that three children was enough for them. And then when she was taken from him he accepted his new family unit of four as just how things were going to be. But then Tessa had brought Lizzie into their lives - even from the moment she was born Lizzie has been a part of his life, he sees now. The fact that they have become parents together, sharing the same families, is a whole new dream he had never expected to come true.

He steadies himself and blinks hard as a wave of emotion comes over him. He keeps up his concentration on breathing patterns with Tessa, focussing all his love and attention on her, holding her chest to chest. She leans against him, breathing in and out, her groans disappearing into his shoulder.

“I’ve got you, Tess,” he says gently. “I’ve got you,” he tells her again, and again, holding her and rubbing slow circles on her back.

For another half an hour Tessa gets through her contractions like this, wrapped close in his arms and moaning against him, longer and louder each time. Eventually she lifts away from him and starts leaning over the bed, breathing and vocalizing as she needs to. Eventually he helps her onto the bed altogether, settling on her side with pillows supporting her. He keeps holding her hand, pulling the chair closer so he’s as close to her as he can get, her hands gripping his.

Then suddenly it’s like things change gears in an instant and her sounds and her posture all change. She’s holding onto him and pressing her forehead against his shoulder, her moans becoming more purposeful. Then something eases up long enough for her to lift her head and take in a breath. The midwives both start hovering closer, and he can see Jordan and Kate doing the same, suddenly attentive but patient.

“Tess, talk to us,” Scott says, guessing what’s happening. “You feel like you need to push?”

“Yes,” she gets out. “It feels like it’s coming now,” She’s panting now, focussing as best she can in the scant few moments before the next contraction starts. He brushes a few errant strands of hair off of her forehead, gently stroking her cheek.

Miriyam approaches, taking the moment to check her and then she looks back at them both, an encouraging smile on her face. “You’re fully dilated, very close now, Tessa,” she says.

“ _Oh_ ,” Tessa breathes out, both in acknowledgement and amazed disbelief. She shifts, starting to sit up a little more on the edge of the bed and let her feet touch the floor, all the while still clutching for Scott’s hand. He moves closer to her then on instinct, helping her sit up and placing himself behind her as the midwives kneel in front of her.

Miriyam coaches her to try to keep breathing through it as much as possible before giving in to the urge to push, but Scott’s not sure she’s going to be able to wait much longer. Tessa manages to just breathe through the next contraction. But after that she squeezes Scott’s hand as the next one comes over her, and pushes.

Scott’s breath briefly catches in his throat as he absorbs everything that’s happening so quickly. He grips Tessa’s hand even more firmly and strokes his other hand across her back. She’s nodding in response to everything the midwives are telling her, sitting up on the next contraction and bearing down with each one.

At some point Scott registers Jordan ducking out of the room, but then just turns his attention back to Tessa. It’s barely a minute later when her sister returns, and Alma steps in behind her. He feels a wave of nervous joy release from him then, looking at his mother as she looks back at him, pure, tearful elation on her face. She comes to sit with Kate where she’s waiting at one side of the room, having long ago stepped aside so Scott could take over with Tessa.

And then, all that matters to him is Tessa. The contractions are on top of each other now and she pushes loudly through each one for several seconds that feel much more like minutes.

“Oh my God, Tess, I can see the head, the head’s out now,” Scott exclaims a moment later, his arm wrapped firmly behind her as he watches in awe. The midwives are both attending to her, talking her through the final pushes. She’s doing so well and all he can feel is love and amazement for her, and the baby they’re about to finally meet.

Tessa’s nodding, without breath enough to answer him. But soon that doesn’t matter. He supports her as she gathers herself and pushes through one more contraction. As the earliest light of day starts to fade in through the windows, their baby arrives in the world.

 

*

As soon as the baby is born Tessa feels such immediate relief, followed by indescribable joy when she hears the clear wailing cry sounding through the room. She gasps, holding out her hands to take the baby right away, as the midwife places her and Scott’s child in her arms.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, looking down at their brand new son. The midwife covers him with a towel, looking him over with an approving gaze. Tessa rubs the baby’s back as his wails start to settle into shorter, but no less insistent, cries. “You were in such a rush all of a sudden, huh?” Tessa says, adoring him completely. She holds him close, kissing the top of his head and revelling in the feeling of his gentle weight against her chest, the sound of his brand new voice filling her up.

“It’s a boy, Tess,” Scott says, amazed. “We have a son, Tessa, oh my God.” He’s crying, now.

She doesn’t realize she’s started crying too until she feels Scott’s lips on her cheek, kissing her softly, adoringly. His hand is at her back and then the top of her head, running along her hair which she realizes has now fallen loose again. She spends a long moment just holding the baby close and taking in the sight of him. There’s dark hair on his head that is all Scott’s, she thinks. She never wants to stop looking at him. Then Scott’s hand joins hers against the baby, covering him with gentle reassurance.  

Finally Tessa tears her gaze away from the baby and turns her face towards Scott. His smile looks as big as hers feels. He kisses her lips, once gently and then a second time, and then kisses the top of the baby’s head. “We’re so glad you’re here, little guy,” he murmurs softly.

She’s exhausted and exhilarated, and her arms and her heart are so, so full. She leans her head against Scott’s, processing so many emotions all at once.

They help Tessa shift back onto the bed again, leaning against the pillows while Denise brings a fresh towel to cover the baby. It’s then Tessa finally remembers they’re not alone - far from it. She turns to look over at her mother and sister who are eagerly hovering closer, and then new tears spill out again even as she can’t stop smiling. Suddenly she’s hit with the memory of what it was like when Lizzie had first arrived, how she’d felt so exhausted but so supported. She’s amazed how quickly everything happened this time compared to before. Still, she remembers what it felt like holding onto Kate and Jordan then, and suddenly aches for it again now.

Her free hand reaches for them and Kate’s there at her side so quickly, putting her arms around her as much as she possibly can. Tessa leans into her mother’s embrace and shudders, laughing and crying at the same time. Jordan seems to have appeared at her other side then, too, momentarily replacing Scott. She reaches her arm over to her sister next, embraced by both Jordan and Kate at the same time. They’re just as thrilled to see Tessa’s new son come into the world as they were when Lizzie arrived. But this time there’s no long agonizing wait, no last minute call to Scott, no anxious looks exchanged across the room. It’s just pure celebration.

“He’s beautiful, Tess,” Jordan says, and Tessa can’t help but agree. His little arms are curled up against Tessa’s bare chest, his cries calming as he registers the voices around him and the warmth of his mother’s body. His eyes are blinking, looking up at Tessa.

“He’s gorgeous,” Kate agrees, stroking one finger along his arm, before squeezing Tessa’s hand. “Oh, you did so well, darling.” She brings both hands to Tessa’s face, kissing her cheeks.

“Thanks, Mom,” Tessa says gently. She’s still trembling a little, stunned at how quickly and how well everything went. Just a few hours ago she’d been sound asleep, and now she’s holding her and Scott’s new baby in her arms. Her eyes close against more tears, and she swallows hard as though she might stand a chance at pulling herself together.

Except, it’s only then she realizes it’s not just Kate and Jordan there with them, but Alma, too. She sees Scott just behind Alma with his hands on her shoulders and damp smiles on both their faces.

“Alma,” she reacts, grateful and humbled. Her voice wobbles again. “Oh, you’re here.” She’s amazed Alma managed to make it in time, especially given how fast everything went.

“Oh, my dear,” Alma says, stepping over to take Jordan’s place at Tessa’s side. “He’s beautiful and so are you.” She kisses Tessa’s cheek and hugs her gently, then places one hand on the baby’s back, smiling down at him. He’s blinking, trying to make sense of the different voices around him. “Welcome to the world, darling boy.” Like Kate and Jordan she admires him but doesn’t ask to hold him, which Tessa’s glad for. She’s not ready to let him leave her arms just yet.

“Does he have a name yet?” Kate asks, looking from Tessa to Scott and then back to her daughter.

Tessa exchanges a glance and a smile with Scott, who nods at her. They’ve had their name choices ready for months, now. She re-settles the baby against her chest and rubs her hand down his back where he’s covered and warm. Both of her son’s grandmothers are there on either side of her and it’s almost too much to process, too many things to feel. But then she just focuses all her attention on him and it’s like something stills in her, and then she’s just calm and happy and it’s like she has nothing to worry about.

“Yes,” Tessa says, proud and happy. “This is Oliver.”

*

It’s just a short while later when they’ve cut the cord and Tessa’s delivered the placenta, and both midwives are content with how everything has gone. The baby’s wrapped up warm and snug, and Tessa gestures for Scott to take him, which he does so happily. She thinks the baby knows his voice from the way he turns to follow the sound of Scott talking to him gently, and it’s wonderful to see.

Jordan helps her take a quick shower, for which Tessa is very, very grateful. She feels sore and tired, but so happy, and returns to settle in her spot on the bed and watches the room fill with daylight. She listens, to her new son’s murmurs as he lies wrapped in Scott’s arms, and to the noise of the house starting to come to life as on any other day.

Then Joe ducks in briefly too and Tessa just laughs, shaking her head amazed that he’d been waiting downstairs the whole time, listening in case the other kids needed someone but mostly just ready to be there to meet his new grandson once it was his turn. Scott hands the baby to Kate first, and then Alma and Joe each have a turn greeting him. Tessa watches on the verge of more happy tears, seeing how no one wants to give the baby up after holding him. She can’t blame them for that.

Joe hugs Scott after handing him back the baby, and then comes over to Tessa to kiss her on the cheek and enclose her in a warm hug, too. “Congratulations, my girl,” he says, almost bashful. She wonders if he’d bargained for having another grandchild come into the world at this stage, and suspects he’s going to have told everyone in Ilderton about Oliver before Alma stands half a chance. She hugs him back and kisses him on the cheek, too, thanking him for being there.

Alma and Kate leave the room at some point to look in on the older four children, ready to bring them in to meet their new brother once they’re awake. And then Joe takes his leave to go and fetch everyone some coffee and breakfast, and for a brief moment it’s just Tessa and Scott and their new son.

Tessa looks over at Scott, watching as he re-settles the baby comfortably in his arms, rocking him gently.

“Hey there, little guy,” he says, calm and adoring. “It’s pretty great to meet you, you know that?” Oliver responds again with his little murmurs, half-whimpering and half-curious.

Scott leans in and kisses the baby’s forehead and Tessa feels like she’s smiling so much she might break. She watches as Scott cradles the baby in his arms like an expert but still like someone in awe, and like a father who’s completely smitten. He’s looking down at their son like he still can’t quite believe he’s here, but there’s no question the baby belongs exactly in his arms right now. He belongs to Scott as much as to her.  

And then the rest of Tessa’s tears surface all in a rush, spilling down her cheeks almost without warning. She closes her eyes against them and takes in a breath, then another, until she feels Scott’s hand taking hers and squeezing.

She opens her eyes and watches as he comes to sit next to her in the bed, the baby comfortably cradled in one arm. “Hey,” he says gently, letting go of her hand to run his fingers along her damp cheeks. “You okay?”

Tessa nods quickly, taking his hand in hers again. “I am. I promise I am.”

“Are you sure?” He looks from her to the baby and back to her again, like he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say.

“Yeah,” she says. “Just…” Her voice trails off and she reaches her other hand over to the bundle in his arms, feeling for the baby’s little hands with gentle fingers. “Just...look what we made, Scott,” she says, blinking as a new wave of tears starts. “We made him and he’s here.”

Tessa feels his lips on her cheeks again, wordlessly insistent and comforting. She leans against him and looks down with him at their brand new baby. She’s so amazed, now that he’s here, at how beautiful he is and how she hadn’t fully realized how much she needed him until the moment he arrived.

She and Scott made this brand new little person and an entirely new world at the same time, and she’s so glad she gets to live in it.

*

A little while later Miriyam and Denise are still lingering, making sure everything still looks good and that Tessa’s not showing any signs of any complications, but overall they look very pleased with how everything has gone. Kate is still sitting off to one side, happily chatting, and Jordan’s holding her nearly-untouched coffee in one hand and keeping up with the stream of family text messages on her phone, with the other. Tessa’s grateful for Joe’s breakfast run, having already made quick work of the egg sandwich he brought back for her and is now half-eyeing Scott’s, set aside on the bedside table. She’s even glad for the decaf coffee. She thinks Joe’s gone down to walk Ringo and keep an eye on things downstairs once Aidan wakes up. Kate’s been in and out a few times as well.

Scott’s next to her in the armchair, cuddling Oliver once again. He’d given him back to Tessa to try feeding him, and sure enough he’d rooted quickly and nursed for a few minutes. Now he’s calm again, warm and bundled up in Scott’s arms and looking and listening as much as he can.

It’s Renée and Lizzie who are up first, and Alma hears them and brings them into the bedroom. Tessa hears her telling them they have someone new to meet. When the girls step in the room Lizzie looks hesitant at first, noticing all of the people standing there, between her and her mama’s bed. She doesn’t even seem to register that some of those people are her favourite ones - her Nana, and Scott, and her Auntie Jo. But then she sees Tessa and just runs right towards the bed.

“Mama!” Lizzie says, coming up to the empty side of the bed and climbing up. “Mama, everyone is here today,” she announces curiously, crawling to nestle close beside her. Tessa reaches out and wraps an arm around her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. She feels more complete now, having her daughter next to her to share this moment with.

“Yes, and do you know who else is here?” Tessa says, pointing over towards Scott. Renée has come up next to him and is looking down at the little blanket-wrapped bundle in his arms, an excited expression on her face.

Lizzie sits up on her knees and looks at Scott and the baby and then back to Tessa, fascinated. She points over towards Scott and Oliver. “The baby is here?” She pats one hand on Tessa’s stomach, and Tessa takes Lizzie’s hand in hers. “Not in your tummy anymore?”

“That’s right, sweetheart,” Tessa says, kissing Lizzie’s hand. “Gentle touches, okay?”

“The baby came!” Renée answers, too. She leans against Scott’s shoulder, holding onto his arm. Tessa can see Oliver waving one of his little arms, murmuring again at the sound of Renée’s voice.

“He sure did,” Scott says. “This is your new brother, Oliver,” he tells them, looking from Renée to Lizzie.

“Aw, I was hoping we’d get a sister,” Renée says, and Tessa laughs a little, in spite of herself. “But I guess he’s okay,” she says as she looks at him some more. She smiles and blushes a little, burying her face in Scott’s shoulder. Scott manages to lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

“Well I’m glad you think so, because we think so too,” Scott chuckles. “He’s _more_ than okay.”

“Yeah.” Renée looks at him some more, reaching out a hand to touch one of Oliver’s. He grasps onto one of her fingers, tightly, and Renée lights up with an enormous smile. “Does he know who I am?” she asks then, looking at Scott.

“He might,” Scott says, smiling down at Oliver. “He probably recognizes your voice, for sure. He knows his big sisters.”

Tessa strokes her hand over Lizzie’s hair, delighted. Lizzie’s watching all of this unfold, crouched on Tessa’s side with her two hands clutched at her knees. “Come here, let’s sit together and you can both hold him too,” she says, reaching out for the baby.

Scott stands and hands over the baby into Tessa’s arms, and Renée climbs up on the bed on Lizzie’s other side. He shows Renée how to hold out her arms and make sure the baby’s head is supported. And then Tessa helps little Oliver get settled in Renée ’s lap, his blanket half-draped across Lizzie’s legs.

“You can say hi to Oliver, sweetheart, just gently, okay?” Tessa explains, one hand on Lizzie’s back. “He’s very little. And he’s brand new and still has to figure out who everyone is from their voices.”

Lizzie pats one hand on his little legs, gently like Tessa guides her. “Hi Oliver,” she says. “I’m Lizzie, I’m your sister,” she tells him cheerfully. She leans closer to Renée to get a better look at him.

“I’m Renée, I’m your sister, too!” she adds.

“Can I give him a kiss?” Lizzie asks Tessa.

“Of course, sweetie, gentle kisses.” She watches as Lizzie and Renée both lean in and do just that, one at a time, on his cheek. Oliver murmurs again, curious, his hands waving up at them. Tessa smiles, half-laughing now. For the moment it’s like she’s run out of tears and is just letting the happiness bubble up out of her. She feels Scott next to her then, his hand slipping into hers and gripping tightly. When she looks up at him he leans in and kisses her on the cheek, too.

Joe comes in then with Aidan, who’s wearing a hesitant expression not unlike Lizzie’s earlier. Scott holds out an arm to him and Aidan comes over, making a beeline for his dad.

“Hey buddy, look who came last night?”

“Baby brother Oliver!” Lizzie says, excitedly.

Aidan smiles a little then. “It’s a boy?” he asks, looking from Oliver to Tessa and then Scott.

“Yep,” Scott says. “Is that okay?”

Aidan nods. “So cool,” he agrees. He comes closer to Tessa, putting his hands on the bed to lean over next to her to get a better look. Then he stops, straightening again like he might have done something wrong. He’s looking at Tessa nervously all of a sudden.

Tessa reaches for him right away, putting one hand on his back. “It’s okay, honey, I’m okay,” she says, reassuring him. She realizes the kids aren’t used to seeing her like this, recovering in bed. “Just resting a little.” She looks Aidan in the eye, nodding and making sure he understands. He nods back, smiling some more and blushing. He leans closer against her and she keeps holding him, halfway to a hug, and kisses him briskly on the cheek. “You want to hold your brother?” she asks, and Aidan nods again quickly. Tessa looks at Scott for help and he reaches to get Oliver from Renée’s lap. Renée protests a little but Scott reassures her there will be a lot of chances for everyone to hold the baby some more now that he’s here.

She manages to shift herself over a little to make room for Aidan to sit next to her on her other side, and then Scott’s putting Oliver in his arms. Lizzie returns to snuggling close, the comforting weight of her tucked against Tessa’s other side. Alma comes to sit at the end of the bed then and reaches a hand to Renée, and she goes to cuddle with her, still looking over at the baby with interest.

“So?” Scott asks Aidan gently. “What do you think?”

Aidan smiles, looking a little less awkward the longer he holds Oliver. He manages to lean him more in one arm and touches his little hands with his. “He’s pretty neat,” he says. “He’s so little,” he adds, as though surprised.

Tessa laughs a little, her hand still at Aidan’s back. “Yeah, that’s how they come.”

“He’ll be growing up bit by bit soon enough, just like all of you guys did,” Scott adds knowingly, crouched next to Aidan.

“Max!” Renée announces then, seeing him come into the room with Kate, who must have ducked out to find him. He’s got a slightly bleary look about him, like he was the last to wake up. Renée runs over to him. “The baby came! He’s so cool,” she reports.

Max comes over next to Scott, just like Aidan had before. Tessa smiles at him and he returns the gesture, looking excited and bashful at the same time. “He’s a boy? What’s his name?” he asks.

“Oliver,” Aidan says, taking his turn to share the new information.

Scott reaches out to Max and puts his hands on his shoulders. “Here, come meet your new little brother,” he says.

Max stands next to Aidan. “Aw. He’s pretty cute I guess,” he admits, though his tone of voice is completely genuine. He touches one of Oliver’s waving hands, and is rewarded with him curling his little fingers around one of Max’s. Max smiles broadly, almost a mirror of Renée’s expression from a few moments ago.

“You want to hold him next?” Scott asks. Max looks at him and then back to Oliver and nods.

Scott gestures for Max to sit in the waiting armchair and then lifts the baby out of Aidan’s arms and into Max’s, completing the circle.

Just like Aidan, Max takes a moment to adjust to holding him but then becomes more comfortable and easy. He catches one of Oliver’s hands in his and talks to him gently. “Hey. Hey Ollie,” he says. “I’m your brother, too.” He’s looking at Oliver so keenly, and any remaining worries Tessa had had about Max or any of his siblings accepting the new baby in their lives now vanish completely.

Tessa laughs again, a buoyant one that starts in her chest and just surfaces without warning. The truth of the situation comes over her then, how the baby is exactly the same person to all four of them - he’s their brother. Not a stepbrother or almost-brother, just their brother. And maybe it really is as easy as that, now, that they can all be a big family like this in the same way. Maybe she’s not the mother all of them were born with but she is their mother now. And she will be, for good.

It hits her like a wave, and she feels tears spilling out on her cheeks again, practically of their own volition. She thought she’d finished crying tears, even happy ones, but they seems to come from their own infinite well of emotion and celebration.

“Don’t be sad, Mama,” Lizzie says, touching one of her little hands to Tessa’s face. “It’s happy, now,” she explains, so matter-of-fact and cheerful that it just makes more emotion spill out of her.

“It’s okay, honey, these aren’t sad tears,” Tessa explains, wrapping an arm even more tightly around her daughter, kissing her forehead. And then she’s aware of Aidan leaning against her at her other side and puts her other arm around him, too.. “I’m very, very happy.”

*

The first few weeks of Oliver’s life seem to pass by so slowly and so rapidly all at once. Tessa feels herself remembering those early days when Lizzie was brand new, amazed at how much is so similar with Ollie. Like his older sister he loves to be held, and he loves listening and paying attention to what’s happening around him.

It might be the most time they’ve all ever spent as a family together, all at once, she realizes - with both her and Scott taking time off from work they’re both able to be full time parents at the same time. True to her word, Kate had stayed for the first week after Oliver’s arrival, and then Alma had taken her place the week after that. That, too, had reminded Tessa of Lizzie’s first weeks in the world, how much she’d relied on Kate to help her and manage everything.

But unlike when it was just Tessa and Lizzie, Oliver has four older siblings all ready to interact with him and form relationships with him. Tessa’s amazed and delighted every day, watching them learn and adjust - they’ve learned to use softer voices around him and not shout too much. They’ve learned what sounds he makes when he wants someone to hold him or feed him, and how those are different cries from when he’s just making sounds to try out his new voice.

Max seems to dote on Ollie the most - he’d even been the one to nickname him first, at just a couple of hours old, and it had stuck immediately - which has brought Tessa a little closer to Max, too, showing him how the baby likes to be held, and how to make sure he’s wrapped warmly enough when he’s sitting in his little carrier. Lizzie gets to be an older sister for the first time, too, and suddenly she seems so grown-up to Tessa. It makes her reach for hugs from Lizzie whenever she needs them, which, now that she’s sharing attention with a new baby, is fairly often.

And, possibly most importantly, this time Tessa knows from the beginning that Ollie will have a father in his life who will be with him for good. While she still never regrets having Lizzie the way she did, on her own with the support of all of her family behind her, there’s no doubt she’s grateful to be able to do this with Scott. She sees the way Scott lights up when he holds Oliver and talks to him so intently and lovingly, the way she can already see Scott in Oliver - from the dark hair on his head to the way his expression shifts when he’s concentrating or focussing on something.

There’s been more than one moment she’s caught herself in tears, just watching Scott with the baby, or seeing the older four start to bond with him.

“Happy tears or sad tears?” Scott’s started asking her, now, to check in with her and make sure she’s doing okay.

“Happy tears,” is her answer most of the time, although there’s been more than one moment where she’s hesitated long enough before coming up with an answer. It’s in those moments that she knows she needs Scott to talk to her and help her figure something out. Sometimes it’s the baby’s sleep schedule, other times it’s something with one of the other kids. And sometimes she just needs Scott there to talk to. But they always manage to make it work.

She’s tired, but happy, and she reminds herself that everything is happening at the pace it needs to - their new little son will only be this little for such a short time, and she can’t freeze time. But she can make sure her family all gets to be a part of it, and in the end - amidst the fatigue and hormones and adjusting to a hundred new little things every day - that’s what Tessa focuses on.

By the time Oliver is a month old they’ve started to bring him on more and more outings, something that can’t be avoided as they head into the end of spring and the end of the school year. They attend the school talent show assembly, just as promised, Ollie dozing and wrapped close against Scott’s chest the whole time. Tessa holds Scott’s hand watching the performances and then applauds louder than anyone when Aidan’s dance group finishes.

The next week it’s Renée’s turn to perform for the first time, singing as part of the new children’s choir collaboration between three of the local schools. This time Tessa’s the one with Ollie curled up at her chest, wrapped snugly and happy. He’s awake, but attentive, listening to the music along with the rest of the crowd. When he does offer little murmurs the people around them don’t seem to mind. As the choir finishes their third song Tessa looks over at Scott next to her and sees so much emotion on his face. He’s blinking at tears even as he applauds, his cheeks flushed pink.

“Hey,” she says, reaching for him. “Happy tears or sad ones?” she asks. Although Scott had started the use of that phrase to help him check in with her, she’s started using it in return. She’s glad to have that touchpoint, now, and she thinks it’s helped the kids, too.

He nods quickly, taking her hand, too. “Good tears, T,” he says. “Good ones.”

Tessa wonders what he’s thinking about, if it’s just the joy in the moment that’s affecting him, or if it’s something more than that. She remembers back to when Scott and Christine had been together, and learning about Chris’s family, and how her mother had loved music so much. It’s a nice thing to consider, that Renee might be the one to carry that on.

She leans closer to him and kisses him on the cheek, lacing their fingers together. “We got good kids, you know that?” she whispers, and he laughs a little which makes her glad. She leans forward to kiss the top of Ollie’s head, too, bouncing him a little.

“Not just good ones, T. They’re the _best_.”

She leans against his shoulder, feeling warm and happy. She has no arguments for him, there.

*

Scott hears the wail on the baby monitor on his bedside table and he’s up and out of bed before he’s even fully conscious of his own movements. After a month of practicing this routine he’s started to get pretty good at it, or so he thinks. Luckily Oliver is an easy audience, or at least he is most nights these days. Scott steps down the hall into Ollie’s room and makes his way over to the crib, the baby’s little arms flailing as another indignant wail leaves him.

“Hey, little kiddo,” Scott addresses him gently, picking him up and kissing him on the cheek. He feels warm from sleep, but nothing out of the ordinary. And his cries calm as soon as he registers he’s being held by his father. He lets out one more half-hearted whimper, batting at Scott’s shoulder and cheek with his hands. “I know, I know,” Scott says. “We’re gonna get you all cleaned up and find that bottle for you, sound good?” he asks, and is answered with another whimper.

He lays Ollie down on the changing table and continues the quiet chatter as sets to work, changing him and putting him in a fresh sleeper. At ten weeks old Scott can see how he’s starting to get so much bigger, how much more alert and able he is than even a few weeks ago. And he’s already forgotten what life was like before they had him, it feels like such a strange thing to even contemplate.

As he’s finishing up the last snaps Scott glances at the clock and then smiles down at his son, who’s now in a much happier mood than when he first woke up. “Hey, you slept for almost five hours this time, did you know that?” He leans in and gives him a kiss on each of his little hands, and then his cheeks, and is rewarded with little almost giggles. “Huh, did you know that? You’re doing so much better at sleeping now, my guy,” he tells Oliver, genuinely delighted to report this news, even in a half-singsong-y baby conversation voice. It’s the third such night in a row that Oliver has slept for that long, enough to make him and Tessa hope that his sleep schedule is getting longer and more predictable. During his first month he’d given both of them a run for their money, waking up every two to three hours like clockwork, and not wanting to settle for anyone but Tessa. Eventually she’d agreed to let Scott try handling the feedings at night - he’d just been unable to keep watching her tire herself out and do nothing about it - and although it had taken a couple of weeks for everyone to get used to it, it had finally paid off. So now Scott handles night-time feedings, Tessa still takes care of him during the day, and having a little more predictability to work with has made everyone feel better and more rested.

Now he feels like he’s gotten the night-time dad routine down pat, so much that he’s come to enjoy it in a lot of ways. He likes getting to spend time with Oliver like this, it reminds him of when the boys were first new and needed so much one-on-one time at all hours. And in the dark cozy hours Scott feels sometimes like he gets to know his littlest son in a whole new way, when it’s just the two of them together. Like it’s their special getting-to-know-you time, figuring each other out and meeting the most immediate needs.

Scott gathers Oliver up in his arms along with a little blanket and makes his way downstairs, finding Ringo in his spot in the main hallway. He follows as Scott gets Ollie’s bottle ready in the kitchen, and then as he heads to the living room. Scott settles Oliver in the crook of his arm and Ringo sits next to them, laying his head on Scott’s knee. Some nights he lies on the floor at Scott’s feet, just as tired and ready for sleep as anyone else. Other nights like tonight he likes the reassurance of giving the baby a nudge or sniff, receiving a scratch around the ears for his efforts.

For a little while Scott just enjoys sitting with Ollie in his arms, hearing the satisfied snuffling noises as he drinks his bottle, feeling the way his little hands grasp at Scott’s. He stops every so often and looks right up at Scott, and it’s those moments he lives for the most, staring into his big blue eyes, so open and curious. Tessa's said many times how much she thinks Ollie looks like him, but when Scott looks at him like this all he sees is Tessa. He's got her eyes, and the shape of her face. He loves seeing her in their son.

By the time Ollie’s finished his bottle and Scott’s gotten him burped over his shoulder, the baby’s calm and half-sleepy again, something like a smile on his face. Scott picks up his gentle chatter again, then, quietly telling the baby about his day before, anything he can think of that comes to mind. He alternates rocking him and patting his back, humming as he does so. Eventually he realizes they’re not quite alone, then, as Ringo lifts his head. Tessa’s there in the doorway, her robe wrapped around her and a tired smile on her face.

“Hey, pretty lady,” Scott says, almost a whisper. “Didn’t think you’d be up at this hour,” he says. But he’s not disappointed to see her. He winks at her and she grins back a little more, coming to sit next to him. She leans her head on his shoulder and gives Ollie a kiss on one of his little hands, but doesn’t move to take him.

“Would you believe I missed you?” Tessa says, sighing. “I woke up and you weren’t next to me and I couldn’t get back to sleep again, and all I could think about was how I hardly saw you today,” she says, yawning a little. “Or, yesterday, I guess.”

Scott kisses her on the forehead and continues rocking Oliver. “Yeah, you’re right about that,” he says. Now that he thinks about it he doesn’t even remember if they’d talked before falling asleep - he’d gotten the girls to bed and waited up for her to finish saying goodnight to Aidan downstairs, but must have nodded off before she’d come to bed. “We make quite a pair, T,” he says, sighing a little, too.

“I know, I should probably go back to bed. But I wanted to sit with you. And besides,” she adds, “I like seeing you two like this. It’s your special time, isn’t it?” She looks at him with a knowing look. He knows she understands how much it means to him to have this time with Ollie, the kind of bonding that no other sort of moments in the daytime can offer.

“Yeah,” he says easily, looking down at Oliver and watching as his eyes close in sleep. “The conversation’s still a little one sided so far, but we’re getting there,” he says, in that same half-whispered tone.

“Thanks for letting me crash your party,” Tessa says gently, settling more closely next to him.

“I like it when you get your own party all to yourself,” he says. “By which I mean sleep,” he adds pointedly, kissing her cheek. She just cuddles him closer after that. “But I don’t mind you crashing this one, either.”

“You told Ollie all about your day, you want to tell me, too?” she asks, stifling another yawn.

He knows in a few minutes he should get up again and put Ollie back to bed, but for now he’s in no particular rush. It’s cozy and content, the way the three of them are cuddled up together like this.

“Okay,” he says with a smile. And then he does.

*

The school year ends, and then it’s the start of summer, just like that. Like previous years they pack everyone up to head to London for a long Canada Day weekend, but unlike previous years they’re now a family of seven, and it all comes back to Tessa then just how much of a production it is to travel with a little baby.

“Did I really manage driving Lizzie back and forth from London to Toronto so many times back then, all by my _self_?” she asks Scott, incredulous as they each load up one car, filled to the brim with luggage and supplies of all sorts. Tessa will take Ollie and Lizzie and Max, and all of Oliver’s accoutrements, with Scott driving Aidan and Renée and a larger share of the luggage.

“You totally did, Virtch,” he says, closing the trunk on his SUV. “It’s just one more reason you’re a rockstar,” he adds with a wink. They kiss quickly, and then before she knows it they’re on the road, headed to her old home for the first time since Ollie joined them.

It’s more emotional than she realizes, coming home to London with Oliver in her arms. All of the others rush into the house on a wave of energy, brimming over with the excitement that comes with the beginning of summer. All of the kids know where they belong, when they come here - they have for a long time, now, and it’s only with minimal help from Scott and a couple of reminders to take their bags upstairs, that they all get themselves settled in. All four of them have their place, and know where to go and what to do when they get there.

Tessa watches as her family settles in around her - here in the house that was once just hers alone. She holds even more tightly to little Oliver, content to look over her shoulder, murmuring his own satisfaction and clutching one hand in her shirt. She kisses his cheek and runs one hand over his soft head, just happy, and amazed at everything that’s happened in her life the last couple of years.

“All good?” Scott asks a moment later, finding her in the sitting room at the back of the house.

“The best,” she says with a grin, and another kiss.

“I think we’ve got a few minutes while everybody unpacks,” he says, reaching to take the baby. Oliver goes to him easily, waving his arms and exclaiming a little. Scott lets him look over his shoulder and bounces him a bit.

“At most,” Tessa says with a sigh. “I know their rooms will be chaos already.”

He joins her looking out the windows into the sunshine outside. “So, what do you think it’s going to be, basement reno or full extension?” he asks, knowing they’ve talked about this before. Tessa’s house has been a manageable but tight fit even just with four children in the mix, let alone a fifth. It’s been a squeeze with Renée and Lizzie both sharing a room, and Max and Aidan sharing the other.

“Well, the basement bedroom reno worked out for us in Toronto, but it was a bigger floor plan to begin with, Scott.” She sighs, looking out again into the backyard. “I think it’s got to be a full extension. We need two more bedrooms at least, am I right?” she asks.

Scott nods. “I think we do,” he agrees. He looks around the living room and the rest of the first floor beyond them. “I wish we didn’t need to mess with your layout, T,” he says, with a sigh to mirror hers. He continues bouncing with Ollie, patting him on the back. Tessa reaches over and tucks the cloth she’d had on her shoulder, onto Scott’s.

“It’s okay,” she shrugs. “It’s been like this a long time, it’s probably overdue to be messed with some more. And besides, the yard is still big enough, we won’t lose it entirely. There will still be room for a little garden and a few chairs.”

“That would be nice,” Scott says, like he can picture it already. “So we’ll get some people in here to give us some quotes, and go from there?”

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I’ll talk to my caretaker, too, we can work something out so she can look in on the work if we’re not here. Probably should get started before the end of the summer if we can manage it.” She knows they should realistically have started already, given that they’re already at the height of construction season, but she’s willing to pay what they need to to make it work. If they can be back here next Christmas with enough bedrooms for everyone, it will be worth it.

She wraps one arms around Scott’s waist, pressing a kiss to Ollie’s cheek and leaning against Scott. She’s rewarded with a similar kiss from Scott, and she just holds both of them at once, just enjoying the peaceful moment for another minute.

A few minutes later the girls both come running down the stairs first, asking if they can put on their swimsuits and run in the sprinkler. So Tessa goes with them and they get their suits on, and they carry on with their holiday and everything else that comes next.

*

It’s a quiet Saturday afternoon in the middle of August, and Tessa’s at home with just the girls while Scott’s out for some early back-to-school shopping with the boys. Lizzie’s gone down for her nap so it’s just Tessa and Renée for a little while, hanging out with Ollie. It’s nice, Tessa thinks, getting to focus a little more on Renée for a bit. In some ways Tessa worries if she’s getting a little forgotten, in danger of becoming the middle child, overlooked while the very oldest and the very youngest get all the attention.

With just Renee to herself for an hour or so, Tessa makes sure to spend it with her however she wants. Which, as it turns out, involves baking cookies. They manage to pull off a quick chocolate chip cookie recipe with minimal chaos, and delicious results - they pronounce them more than good enough, and Tessa looks forward to seeing Scott’s face when the boys return to discover a calm household _and_ a fresh batch of cookies. Never mind the dirty dishes in the sink, Tessa thinks. By the time she’s pulling out the last tray and turning off the oven, she hears Ollie’s little babbling noises from the baby monitor.

“Should we go get your little brother?” Tessa asks. “He’ll be happy to see you now that he’s awake,” she encourages, and Renée smiles. When the boys are around Renée often doesn’t get as much time with Oliver because she has to compete with them.

“Yeah,” Renée agrees. “It’s fun when he’s all giggly and everything,” she says, and Tessa can’t help but agree. Lately he’s been laughing more, and has figured out that he can make other people laugh too, and it’s made play time a lot more fun.

They go up to Oliver’s room and Tessa reaches for him, glad to see a smiling face looking back at her.

“Hello there, my cutie,” she says, kissing his cheek. “Did you have a good sleep?” She’s greeted with more giggles, the kind that start deep down and come out in a half-shriek, and it makes her laugh. Next to her Renée bounces up and down a little, patting Ollie as Tessa settles him against her shoulder. She sets the changing mat down on the rug in the middle of the room and lays Oliver down gently. When they do it like this on the floor it means Renée can kneel next to her and help watch him while Tessa reaches for a fresh diaper and a new jumper from the shelf nearby.

“There, isn’t that better?” Tessa says as she finishes getting him cleaned up, and then turns to Renee. “Sweetie, do you want to help me get him dressed?” Renée gotten more capable at getting things started now, and Tessa watches as she slides Ollie’s little feet into the legs of the romper. Tessa gets his arms in the sleeves - always the hardest part since he likes to wave them around, or put his hands in his mouth now that he’s fully discovered them - and then lets Renée finish the little snaps. “There, all done. Now we just need some socks and we’re all set.”

Tessa reaches over for one of the drawers and fishes out a pair of socks, as Renée lies next to Ollie on the floor, one hand under her chin. She’s smiling at him, one finger tracing the letters on the jumper. _Future figure skater_ , it reads - a gift from Anna and Ravi, Tessa remembers, and one that will soon be too small for Ollie to wear. She’d been glad to get the chance to put it on him once or twice more before he grows out of it, along with a few other gifts they’d received for him in the beginning.

She gets the little socks on his feet and then gives Oliver a little turn, helping him to lie on his stomach. “Should we try some tummy time, little guy?” she asks, coming to lie down on her side, close to both him and Renée. Renée’s expression looks very thoughtful, all of a sudden, and Tessa wonders what she’s got on her mind. “Everything okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah,” Renée nods. She holds out one hand towards Oliver, letting him pat his hand on hers. “I guess.”

“Are you sure?” Tessa reaches for Renée, rubbing her back a little. “You can always tell me if something’s worrying you, you know that, right?”

“I know,” Renée says. She scrunches her mouth a little, like she’s trying to be very grown-up in saying what she wants to say. “I guess I was just wondering...Will it be okay if I don’t do sports? Like you and Daddy and Max? Or dancing like Aidan?” Renée asks her. Her voice is pleading but also worried, like she hopes the answer is one she can live with.

“Oh, sweetie, of course it is. You can do whatever you decide,” Tessa says, moving her hand up and down Renée’s back and shoulder. Next to them Oliver looks over at his big sister, a drooling smile on his face. He smacks his hands on the mat in front of him, pleased at himself.

“I guess I just like doing other things. Like reading books. And singing, maybe,” she says.

“Those are really awesome things, too,” Tessa says gently. “I like that you like those things, it makes you different from the boys, doesn’t it?” she asks. She puts her hand out to Oliver now, letting him curl his fingers around one of hers. He smiles at her and she smiles back. She can see his attention starting to drift a little, and she wonders if he’s getting impatient to be fed now. And then a thought occurs to her. “Honey, have I ever shown you my degrees? In their special frames?” She thinks about it and it occurs to her they travelled with her from the London house but she’s still never managed to find a place to hang them.

“Degrees?” Renée asks.

“Yes, my special certificates. I got them when I finished my university,” Tessa explains. “I can show you them, even. Let’s go see,” she says, realizing there’s no reason not to, as long as Oliver’s still happy. She picks up Oliver and they stand, before Tessa takes Renée into the master bedroom. She keeps holding Ollie with one hand as she opens the door to the walk-in closet, turning on the light and looking over the very back shelves filled with boxes she and Scott hardly look at most weeks. “There, honey, pull that box out for me,” Tessa says, pointing to a large one on the bottom shelf near the corner.

Renée crouches down to pull at it and then Tessa kneels next to her, helping her to pull off the lid. Ollie babbles in her ear, waving one arm and looking on with interest. She pulls at one of the framed items and Renée reaches for it, helping her pull it out all the way. Then the next one, right next to it in the box. “They’re so fancy,” Renée says, impressed. She traces one finger over the seal in the middle, and the Latin words declaring the academic titles.

“I know, they are. It took me a while to get them,” Tessa explains. “This one took me years and years, I started it when me and Daddy were still in the middle of our skating, when we were still competing."

Renée’s eyes go wide, even more impressed. “But how did you go to school and do skating at the same time? Going to school takes _all day_ ,” she says, amazed.

Tessa chuckles. “You’re right, it usually does. But that’s why this one took me a long time. I let myself do it more slowly so I could still do skating with your dad. But I really wanted to finish it, so I did. And then I got my Master’s degree, after that, so I could learn all about business,” she says, pointing at the other one, her MBA from McGill. “Your mother got her degrees, too, did you know that?” Tessa points out.

“Yeah, Daddy said. He says Mommy needed her degrees so she could be a really good teacher,” Renée says, like it’s a very important fact to remember.

“She did. And she was a really good teacher,” Tessa says. She strokes one hand over Renée’s hair, and down her back again. “You can keep going to school too, honey,” she adds then, her voice soft but encouraging. “You can go to school for anything, if it’s what you want. Or you can be like me and do different things, that’s the amazing part. You get to choose.”

“That would be okay,” Renée agrees. She sets down the frame and slides her fingers down the glass once more. “Maybe I’ll get smarter than the boys,” she adds, smiling with a mischievous glint in her eye, and Tessa laughs out loud, then. Oliver lets out a shout, too, matching her and joining in.

“I think whatever you decide to do, you’ll be brilliant at it,” she says, and then leans in to hug her. Oliver babbles again happily, patting Renée’s shoulder where he can reach it.

The next thing they know they can hear the muffled sounds from downstairs of the boys arriving home. Tessa gives Renee a smiling, exaggerated kiss on the cheek that makes her laugh, and then does the same to Oliver. They head down and find Scott and the boys and trade stories all about their afternoon.

*

It’s the beginning of the day at the Cricket Club, two weeks before Thanksgiving, and Tessa meets Scott at the edge of the rink, a little bit behind him. It’s early enough still that the club is just starting to come to life. As she sits and laces up her skates she feels a little giddy. She’s been looking forward to this morning for days, ever since a week ago. Once Ollie was a few months old it became clear Tessa needed the ice time back in her life for her sanity as much as for getting back into physical shape. And getting to spend time with Scott like this was worth every moment of scheduling and rushing.

She’s riding a very particular high of managing to get the kids all off to school on time all by herself, leaving little Oliver in the capable hands of the babysitter, _and_ she’s managed to get a pair of coffees for herself and Scott. He got in ahead of her to take care of some paperwork and a few other preparations that will need to be done before they head off for two weeks away. Tomorrow they’ll swap, with Scott running the morning routine while she prepares for some conference calls with Kaitlyn and some of their clients. Every day of the coming week will be just like the last few - dividing and conquering all the necessary tasks until there’s only one job left on the list to take care of.

“Hey, so I was thinking,” Scott says, putting on an extra bit of charm as he skates over to her at the boards. “I think we should get married next week.”

“Oh, you were, were you?” Tessa asks, giving him a wink. She finishes tying her skates and steps out onto the ice, reaching easily for his hand. “Well, that would be a very, very nice idea. And very convenient, too, since I just bought a new white dress and it would be a shame not to wear it.”

It’s actually more cream-coloured than white, she thinks, not that it matters. As wedding dresses go it’s fairly simple - a sleeveless gown with a lace overlay and a deep neckline, with a skirt that flares gently just above her knees. She’d spent just one afternoon browsing dresses, bringing Renée and Lizzie with her to a large salon in town who she knew would help her out with some customized selections. She went in determined to find a dress that the girls liked just as much as she did, and left pleased. Likewise, Scott had gone for a brand new tailored suit in dark navy blue, and helped the boys pick out their very first proper suits and ties.

“Yes, and I think there’s something about how we’ve rented a hall, and hired a band, and ordered a whole lot of food, and sent out about a hundred invitations,” Scott says, looking like he’s going over a list in his mind.

“Don’t forget about the church,” she says. “And the minister at the front of it.”

“I knew I was forgetting something,” he says, shaking his head. “You’d better marry me then, we have no other choice.”

Tessa laughs, then, a genuine, joyful laugh that bubbles up from inside her. “I think you’re right about that. Plus, if our daughters don’t get to wear their flower girl dresses, I don’t think we’ll ever be allowed to come home again.” They had indeed decided on purple, in the end, which Tessa thinks suits an October wedding just fine.

Scott grins back at her, laughing too. “You are _definitely_ right about that.”

Tessa exhales a happy sigh. She takes one of his hands in hers and they start off on their first lap around the ice. It’s early enough that it’s still quiet, just a few others in the building so far, their blades stroking across the ice the only sound they can hear.

On their second lap Tessa brings her free hand over to rest on Scott’s arm. He looks down at her and smiles, putting his hand on her arm to mirror hers. Silently he presses a kiss to her forehead, and they keep skating around the rink.

After a few minutes they start up on some choreography, running through some of the latest adjustments they’ve been brainstorming for the material Sofia and Tomas have been working on for this season.

Then after a little while they change to trying out a few new moves, modifying the step sequences and then finally playing around with a few things that they just like. Before they know it they’re revisiting a few sequences from old programs. Tessa steers them towards some old choreography from their Latch year, culminating when Scott moves her into the pose from the final straight line lift. Tessa lifts her arms to the sky, arching back towards Scott and feeling so open and free.  

He sets her down and she turns to face him. She’s greeted with the most adoring smile, not unlike the one she’s seen from him pretty much every week ever since Oliver arrived. But this time it’s mixed with something else - it’s not just love in his expression, or even gratitude. It’s the joy of an old friend looking back at her, loving her and adoring her in the way that can only be true for someone who’s known her for this long. It’s the face of the boy she’s known for three and a half decades, the eagerness of the young man she trained side by side with for so many years. And it’s the love and support of the man she’s grown to admire so fiercely, the man she’ll continue to cry with and laugh with as their lives unfold. It’s the unflinching admiration of the partner she’ll live the rest of her life with.

There was a time, once, when Tessa had thought she and Scott were inevitable. It had felt so simple, so certain, that they were meant to be together. She knows better, now. If these last years have taught her anything it’s that nothing is inevitable - they make the future they choose for themselves, and work to keep it every single day.

But if anything in this world is truly certain, if there is anything inevitable at all, it’s this - she loves him with her whole self, and he loves her. There is nothing either of them could do to change that, and that’s the certainty that brings her home to him every day, to the life they’ve built together and will spend the rest of their days nurturing and protecting with everything they have.

Tessa leans in and kisses him, their arms entwining around each other as she does. He holds her tightly, happy and excited as he kisses her back. She’s feeling the warm buzz and satisfaction of a good skate, and lets herself fall easily into his embrace.

“I love you, kiddo,” he says as they eventually separate.

“Right back at you,” she answers.

She looks around the rink, as a few young skaters start to trickle in, their chatter ringing through the open space.

Scott follows her gaze and then smiles back at Tessa. “There’s more I wanted to do with you on the ice today. But it looks like we’re done for right now.”

“Looks like it.” She takes his hand and they start to skate off to the side where their gear is waiting. “For now, anyway,” she shoots back at him with a smile.

“I can’t wait to marry you, T,” he repeats.

“Me either,” she exhales, thinking about everything ahead for the day, and the next week, and everything else that will come after that. “Let’s go home.”

*

 

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (If you're looking for the wedding - don't worry! There's going to be an epilogue. But this is just where and how I really wanted to end it).
> 
> Thank you again for reading <3


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tessa and Scott's wedding day, or, twenty-four hours filled with more people, love, and celebration, than even they realized was possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, to my wonderful beta-readers iwantthemtostay, peacefulboo, and G - any mistakes or flaws are entirely my own.
> 
> I couldn't end this story without getting to the wedding day! It took a little longer to finish this last installment than I'd expected but I'm happy with it and I hope you'll enjoy the read.
> 
> Happy Sunday and happy summer!

 

Tessa wakes early, before the sun is up and before her alarm that she’d set the night before just in case. It’s a rare morning that she gets to wake up to a quiet house, with a few minutes to just lie there by herself. But now that she has it, as soon as she’s fully awake her mind is too full of everything the day will hold. There’s a lot to do this morning to get ready.

She gets out of bed and pulls on leggings and a sweatshirt before making her way down the hall. She can hear Ollie murmuring to himself, but no sign of activity yet from the girls. There’s a hint of fresh paint smell still lingering and Tessa’s still finding dust in places, but she’s thrilled at how well the renovation all came together in time.

The reno had taken focussed work and a lot of planning, and required more than a few extra dollars to get the bedroom extension finished. Not to mention full time oversight from Tessa’s caretaker and some help from her mother, but it had been worth it. Now everyone has a proper place to sleep - the boys have their own rooms, the girls are sharing a larger room than before, and Ollie’s got a proper crib set up in what used to be Lizzie’s old bedroom when she was little. And the master suite is still the comfortable haven that it always has been.  

She steps into Ollie’s room and finds him awake, half-babbling to himself. He smiles when she comes into view, waving his arms and legs and pausing in chewing on his fist. 

“ _Ma-ma-ma,_ ” he announces. In the last couple of weeks Ollie’s babbling has started taking shape into something like words, mostly _ma-ma-ma_ or _da-da-da_ , but even that much has been such a joy to hear.  

“You got it,” she says, reaching for him. She gives him a big kiss on the cheek and he reciprocates by patting her face with his chubby hands. “Mama’s going to get you all changed and then we’ll get your bottle okay?”

“Am-mum-mum,” he agrees, and she kisses him again. 

She rests the baby down on the changing table and sets to work, talking gently to him. “Your daddy’s going to be so happy you did so much sleeping, you know that?” He will be, truly - she knows he’ll have missed getting his 3am time with him. 

They’d both decided it would be a nice idea to split up the night before the wedding - not seeing each other the day of the wedding until the ceremony itself. It was also an easy decision to split up the preparation, making it easier to tackle getting ready in two different groups. Tessa had been glad to keep Ollie with her last night instead of sending him with Scott, even though she knows Alma and Joe wouldn’t have minded having him. The baby has his own room in the house in London, now, and besides that she had found herself having a hard time with the idea of parting with him. She’d told Scott she wanted to stay with him in case he needed her, but really she thinks it was in case she needed him. 

Now that they’ve started shifting him to bottle feeding it’s made her a bit wistful for those moments of sitting close with him. He still likes nursing with Tessa sometimes, and she loves that time with him when she gets it. But a couple of weeks ago when she’d started more intentional efforts to wean him it had gone so well that she and Scott had both been a little surprised. Lizzie had taken months to fully shift towards bottles and even at a year old had still wanted to nurse sometimes. 

“Here, let’s show Daddy how cute you are this morning,” she says, snapping a quick picture of him and sending it by text. _‘Best man’_ , reads his little onesie, an outfit that she doubts will last much past his naptime in - hopefully - a couple of hours, but she doesn’t care at all. “You’re going to be so handsome today, little kiddo,” she tells him, picking him up again to put him against her shoulder and heading downstairs to the kitchen. Mercifully, she can smell the coffee already brewing as scheduled.

And he will be so handsome. There’s a little shirt and navy pants, and little tie all picked out to match what the twins will be wearing - purple to match the girls’ dresses, of course. The boys both look so grown-up in their brand new suits, it had even made her tear up a little when she’d seen them trying them on for the first time. And then when the girls had tried on their dresses they’d been so thrilled, they’d twirled around in them at the store for several minutes. Tessa had been just delighted.

But then, a lot of moments have felt like that leading up to today. They’d done their rehearsal dinner the previous night, with a proper sit-down dinner and lots of wine and dessert. All the extended family had joined them which had resulted in lots of toasts, and some congratulatory remarks that verged on full speeches. Tessa had managed to hold herself together until almost the very end of the evening, when Danny had stood up to offer one final toast. His words had been so simple yet so heartfelt - telling her that he’s always been glad to have her in their family, but it’s even better now that her and Scott’s new families have each other. And yet by the time he’d finished and come over to kiss her cheek she could feel her lip quivering and tears quickly pooling in her eyes. She’d been steadied by the feeling of Scott’s hand in hers, and his arm around her shoulders. 

Ollie’s voice brings her back to the present moment, as he bats his hands against her shoulder and grabs at her ponytail. “Yes, honey, Mama’s getting your bottle all set, okay?” She gets everything ready and then moves to sit down in one of the big armchairs in the living room, choosing comfort to start the day. 

Oliver is about halfway through his bottle when her phone buzzes, and she manages to check it with one hand to read Scott’s response to her from earlier. _‘Totally the best man! And how are the best ladies?’_ he asks. 

_‘Still waking up. Everyone got their beauty rest, thank goodness.’_

_‘Glad to hear it,_ ’ he answers. ‘ _The other best men are still sleeping, they might miss Uncle Charlie’s donuts if they’re not careful.’_

‘ _Now I’m jealous,’_ she responds. ‘ _I should have asked Jordan for a donut run too.'_

‘ _I bet she’s got you covered,’_ he answers. 

‘ _You have everything? Suits, shoes, cufflinks?’_ She’d double-checked last night before they left but nothing wrong with triple checking.

‘ _We’re all good, Virtch. I’ll send you photographic proof once we’re dressed, sound good?’_

 _‘Just the boys!_ ’ she reminds him. 

‘ _Okay. But just pretend I’m sending you a picture of me smiling a lot.’_

She laughs a little. ‘ _Deal. And same.’_ There’s a pause for a moment as she thinks of what she really wants to say to him, but then another text comes in from Scott, almost at the same time as hers.

 _‘I can’t wait to marry you today_.’

‘I _love you so much.’_

‘ _Love you too, kiddo,’_ he answers. And then taps out a few different hearts and emojis which makes her laugh again, knowing how little he normally uses those. 

‘ _Eleven o’clock sharp,_ ’ she says. _‘Can’t wait.’_ And truly, she can’t.

A couple of minutes later Lizzie comes scampering downstairs, excited about what she knows is a very important day - and the day she gets to wear her very fancy, twirly dress. She’s followed by Jordan’s arrival with a bag of pastries and a tray of coffees, which Tessa thanks her for several times over. A little while later they’ll be joined by Kate, and their wedding planner, and then the makeup and hairdresser, and this marvellous day will truly begin.

*

For Scott the morning starts early and goes by in a blur. He wakes up before the rest of the house, just in time to see Charlie let himself in with coffees and a bag of donuts and muffins for everyone. The treats are especially well received by Max and Aidan after Alma rouses them an hour later. He’s got a checklist on his phone of everything that needs to happen before they leave for the church - which had earned him a look of amazement and more than a little affection, afterwards, when he’d showed it to Tessa a few weeks before - and he just starts checking things off one by one. 

Everyone gets fed, and dressed, and a hairdresser materializes to help Alma get ready, and then stays to make sure Scott and the boys all look photo-ready, too. They’d all had proper hair-cuts last week - Max opting for more of a clean-cut look, while Aidan had chosen to stay with a slightly longer style, that he insists is on trend even though Scott still wonders how he manages with half of it falling into his eyes. But he likes that they’re carving out their own looks, now that they’re older.

He tries to snap a few photos of everything that's happening, and sends a few to Tessa (none that he’s in, since the rule seems to extend to photographs, also) and feels glad when he notices Charlie taking a few pictures, too. He’s sure Janine said something about putting some prints together in a memory book later, and he makes a note to tell people to send her their favourite shots from the day. 

There’s a flurry of last minute bites of food, and bathroom breaks, and final checks that they haven’t forgotten anything. And then, before he knows it, he’s on his way to the church. Scott drives over with the boys while his parents and brothers make their way separately. They greet the minister and find Janine’s assistant has everything under control already, and shows the boys back to the parlour where they’ll wait before the ceremony. But even if she weren’t there, he knows Tessa’s brothers would have sorted it out. Scott finds Casey and Kevin inside the main entrance, already in place for greeting and ushering duty, and they exchange a few hugs and boosting words. 

It’s strange how he still feels like the youngest around Casey and Kevin, despite the fact that he himself is now in his mid-forties. But all of them are well and grown, now, their children starting to head off to university and careers and lives of their own. And maybe none of the old age differences matter, now. For a split second he thinks about the fact that some of his and Tessa’s brothers’ kids are almost old enough to be having children of their own - that he could be a great-uncle before too long - and suddenly he feels dizzy. Then the thought enters his mind that the day when weddings start changing to funerals is probably coming sooner than he’d like it to, and he has to close his eyes to steady himself.

“You okay there, Scotty?” Kevin says, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Scott breathes out. He runs one hand over his face, trying to clear his thoughts, and then opens his eyes again. “It’s all just a little wild, isn’t it? You know, life, time, all of it. Is it weird to be thinking that?” He wonders if it felt like this before his and Christine’s wedding, and he thinks the answer has to be yes. When he thinks back on that day he remembers feeling equal parts excited and nervous, not unlike his current combination of feelings. But that had also been more than a decade ago - he’d been a much younger man then, and a different man, too. 

Kevin laughs a little, as does Casey next to him. “Not at all, man. I’m pretty sure I had a mild existential crisis the night before my wedding,” he offers, looking over at Casey next.

“True story,” Casey adds. “I think I asked Mom a bunch of random questions about what if I screwed it up, and she kept telling me it would all work out, which of course it _did_. But I still felt like I was going to throw up.”

“Okay, cool,” Scott answers, relaxing a little. He takes in another breath and lets it out again. “I’m glad you guys are here, you know? I mean, I know me and T haven’t exactly done things in the normal order or anything.”

They both chuckle again. This time Casey answers first. “So what?” he asks with a shrug. “It’s not about that anyway, right?”

“Nah,” Kevin agrees. “Besides, Tess always does exactly what she wants, when she wants to do it. If she wants to marry you now, then that’s the right call.” He shrugs, too. “You know that better than anyone though, Scotty.”

“Yeah, you’re right about that,” Scott answers, his turn to laugh a little. When he thinks back to the night he’d proposed - or, rather, the night she’d proposed to him and he’d responded by getting down on one knee and proposing to her right back - all he can think about is how right it felt at the time, how there was no way they could move forward from that moment without knowing they’d be married. And after today, they will be. 

He leaves Casey and Kevin with another round of shoulder-clapping hugs, and then makes his way back to where the rest of his family is waiting. His father offers a few encouraging words before moving to join Tessa’s brothers at the front of the church. He sees the first guests start to arrive, too, and when he checks his phone he sees they have a little over half an hour before the ceremony starts. While his phone is still in his hand he taps out a message to Tessa - _See you soon, XOXO._ He waits for a moment to see if a response comes, and then one does - just a simple red heart. It’s enough to make him smile, much of his nervousness from a few minutes ago now starting to evaporate.

Scott reaches the parlour in the rear of the church and discovers his mother in the middle of checking everyone’s ties. Aidan is patiently letting Alma fix his while Max looks on, glancing between them and his own tie just to make sure, but it’s Danny and Charlie who seem half on the verge of rolling their eyes.

“You’d think I wasn’t a grown man who’s tied about a thousand ties so far already,” he says to Scott, adjusting the knot of silk at his collar. But his expression is relaxed, and he can tell they’re just going along with the morning. 

“Mom, you know we’re all set,” he tells Alma, coming to stand next to her. She finishes with Aidan’s tie and then releases him with a pat on the shoulder. 

“I know,” she says. “You’re right. I’m just fussing, of course. I want you all to look your best.”

“So do we, Mom.” He gives her a kiss. “And you look pretty great too, you know,” he says with a wink. And she does look good, he thinks to himself. She’s in her new blue dress and matching jacket she’d gotten made just for the occasion, and he thinks she looks lovely. He thinks to himself how he can’t believe she’s a grandmother of so many children, or that she manages to still do so much at her age. He swallows, his thoughts starting to drift in the way they’d started to before. They go to stand off to one side, as his brothers and the boys keep chatting some more.

Alma shakes her head at him, smiling. He has the feeling she’s going to entirely brush off the compliment, and he’s right. “I’m proud of you, honey,” she tells him. It’s not the first time she’s said that in the last few days. But there’s a new kind of emotion in her voice this morning, like the words mean something different. 

“Thanks, Mom,” he answers, gently. “I’m glad we’re doing this,” he says, so simply. And truly, those are some of the words he realizes he’s been chasing all morning, to ground himself. Because he _is_ glad, and grateful. There had been a time when he’d thought a day like this with Tessa would be a certainty, and then a much longer time after that when nothing had seemed less likely than his marrying her. And now, here they are, on the other side of so many things. 

“Me too,” she says. There’s a moment when he thinks she wants to say something else, but then she doesn’t. She leans in and kisses his cheek again and just smiles. “You’ve got your vows all set?”

He laughs. “ _Yes_. Trust me, I’m ready. And I’m pretty sure Tessa’s had hers written for weeks.” 

Alma grins. “I know she has, she talked to me last week about some of it.”

“Oh yeah?” Somehow that makes him feel reassured. He makes a note to ask Tessa about that, later. 

“I told her you two could probably just get up there and speak from the heart and it would be wonderful,” Alma says, and he agrees with her there. “But she wanted to be prepared.”

“Tessa’s still the most prepared person I know,” he says, still smiling. “Some things don’t change.”

“No, some things don’t,” she tells him. From the way she says it he knows exactly what she means by those words. As much as has happened over the years he knows that Tessa is still Tessa. And he’s still Scott, still hers. He would never have stopped being there for her, no matter how differently their lives might have unfolded, that much he truly believes. 

They talk for a few more minutes before Joe appears, jovial and dapper all at once. He greets everyone warmly, especially Max and Aidan, and makes his way to Scott and Alma.

“It’s my turn to be ready for escort duty soon,” he reports, holding out his arm to Alma.

“Is it that time yet? We need Ollie up here with me before we start, though,” Scott says, looking around. When he looks at his watch he’s surprised to see how much time has passed since the last time he checked.

“I saw Jordan coming in with him just now,” Joe explains knowingly. “Took that as my cue. If she’s here then the bridal car won’t be far behind her.” Scott’s not surprised he knows the schedule of the day as well as anyone. His mother’s efforts are always the most obvious, the most noticeable to anyone glancing at the action from a distance. But his father’s patient, industrious presence has been doing so much to help behind the scenes, all weekend. It’s been just as reassuring to have him here, as in so many other times. 

“Thanks, Dad. For everything,” Scott says, and pulls in his father for one more solid hug. For a moment he feels like a boy again, feeling the big embrace of his father. By the time he does the same with Alma he finds himself blinking at damp eyes when he pulls out of it.

His mother pats his cheek. “Good luck, honey. It’s going to be wonderful.” 

They make their way out just in time to cross paths with Jordan, exchanging brief greetings as they pass. Jordan joins them, a smile on her face and a purposeful, satisfied air about her, and a happy Oliver in her arms. She drops Ollie’s bag on the sofa and hands the baby to Scott.  

“I hate to hand this guy over but I think he probably misses his Daddy,” Jordan says with a wink. Ollie’s already reaching for Scott before he’s in his arms, a pink-cheeked smile on his face.

“ _Da-da-da,”_ he babbles at Scott, pleased, and then throws his arms around Scott’s neck.

“That’s me!” Scott says with a smile, lifting Ollie up again and then kissing him several times on his cheeks and nose. “You like saying that now, don’t you?” he asks him, just as happy. 

“Mama sends her regards, too,” Jordan says warmly. 

“Everything good?” Scott asks. He knows Tessa would have messaged him if something were awry, but he can’t help checking just in case. 

“Yeah,” Jordan answers, smiling too. “Tess and the girls have been ready since about an hour ago. Lizzie keeps asking if it’s time to see you guys yet,” she adds, laughing a little. 

He breathes out a laugh with her. “Yeah, there’s a bit of that going around here, too,” he says. “I told them it’s tradition for the groom not to see the bride before the ceremony, but-”

“But that doesn’t apply to the bride and groom’s kids,” Jordan fills in for him, nodding knowingly. “I know, that’s what the girls have been saying, too.”

“I keep telling them it’s the most ridiculous traditions that are the most exciting, sometimes,” Scott says. He’d even reassured the boys he and Chris had spent the night before their wedding apart, too. And since Tessa had never had a wedding before he wanted her to have all the traditional details she wanted. 

All day - all week, really - Scott’s been feeling so happy and excited that this day is finally here, but as the morning has progressed he’s felt so many other things on top of that. He’s thought of Chris, and their day together almost twelve years ago that wasn’t so unlike this one. He’s wished so much that she could see her sons like this, so handsome and thriving. In his mind he’s told her so many things. He hopes wherever she is she knows how well their children are doing, how much they still love her and think of her, and how proud of them she would be.

Jordan smiles back at him. “Anyway, the bride and the mother of the bride and the flower girls are about ten minutes behind me, in the fancy car,” she reports. “So I’d better get out there and be ready for them. You guys are all good in here, too?”

“Totally good,” Scott answers, bouncing Ollie a little and re-settling him in his arms. “Especially now that all of my guys are with me.” 

“Oh, don’t you boys look so handsome,” Jordan tells them, coming around to greet them all.

“Aw, thanks, Jo,” Charlie says, straightening his tie a little. He elbows Danny, who also hasn’t stopped grinning all morning. “Glad to know we still clean up okay.”

“I was talking about your nephews,” she says, lifting one eyebrow. 

Aidan laughs a little. “ _Yeah_ ,” he responds, bouncing a little. “We do look pretty cool.” He and Max look each other over approvingly, and then high-five each other, looking every bit of their eleven years and then some. Their new suits are a close match to Scott’s own dark navy blue one, just a bit more modestly cut. And they both have purple ties, to match the girls’ dresses. 

Jordan steps nearer to Aidan and Max and gives them each a kiss and a squeeze on the shoulder, and they both smile bashfully. “You both look great. And you’re going to do awesome up there.” Then she leans in a little closer, her voice lowering. “There’s a lot of people out there who care about you, okay? Including me, and my guys, and everyone in our family. You know that, right?”

They both nod quickly, and he can see their cheeks going red. Max fidgets with his hands, and Aidan leans in closer to Jordan. She presses a kiss on top of his head and strokes her other hand across Max’s head and shoulders. 

“I’ll see you out there, handsome boys,” she tells them, finally. Scott knows she has to be out there to help Tessa and the girls soon, and get ready to line up. But he can tell she’s stalling, as though she’d like to hug them all some more, or like there’s a lot more she’d like to say but she’s trying to go overboard. 

Scott comes to give her a hug anyway, since why shouldn’t there be a lot of that today? He puts one arm around her, still holding Ollie with the other. “See you out there soon, Jord,” he tells her. When they separate again she gives Ollie another squeeze of the hand and smiles for him, like she’s steadying herself. 

“And thank you, for everything today. Well, not just today,” Scott adds, suddenly sounding more serious than he’d meant to. “For...well, for everything. I’m just so glad Tessa has you,” he says simply. 

“I could say the same to you,” Jordan says. She’s blinking quickly like she’s working hard not to let tears spill, and brushes one hand under her eyes. “Scott, I promised myself I would at least wait until the ceremony before I totally broke down,” she says, her voice wobbling. 

Scott chuckles, in spite of himself. “I know, I think there’s a lot of that going around,” he says, remembering the conversation with his parents, and Tessa’s brothers, and even himself. It’s enough to make him take a deep breath, wondering how long he’ll last before he can’t hold it together anymore either. 

Jordan takes a deep breath too and lets it out again. “I’ll see you out there,” she repeats, a relaxed smile on her face. “It’s going to be great.” And then she blows them all another kiss and waves, and it’s just Scott and the boys again. 

They spend another few minutes waiting for showtime, letting Ollie visit with his uncles and brothers, and then before they know it, it’s time to head into the sanctuary. Scott hears the piano playing the first of two songs they’d agreed on to precede the wedding march, and his brothers each offer boosting pats on the shoulder. Danny walks out first with Max, and then Charlie with Aidan, and then finally Scott takes his place at the centre front of the church with his two brothers and oldest sons next to him, and Ollie in his arms. The minister, an older gentleman who’s been a friend of his family for years, offers Scott a few friendly words and a kind smile. 

The baby lets out a couple of half-giggles, as though testing the echoing sound in the church, and then he leans bashfully into Scott’s arms as the gathered crowd chuckles back. By the time the ceremony starts he’ll need to hand Ollie over to one of the others as planned. But for now he keeps holding him, leaning his head against his and feeling comforted by his familiar weight and buoyant smile. He understands why Tessa was so eager to keep him last night. He’s the newest person here, and so curious and excited about everyone around him. He’s also still so little, and so in need of comfort and reassurance, and he thinks those are both things he and Tessa get from him, strangely enough.

After another minute the pianist starts in on the second and final prelude, and the gathered crowd turns to watch as Alma walks down the aisle with Joe. Her rose corsage does nothing to compete with the adoring look on her face that deepens more as they get closer to the front. Scott hands the baby over to Max - glancing at Danny to reassure him to jump in if Max needs the help - and then closes the last few steps for his parents. He gives them each another kiss and quick hug, no less meaningful than the ones he’d exchanged with them before. 

Then everyone looks on as Renée makes her way down the aisle followed by Lizzie, one at a time. Scott can tell they’re both full of excitement but trying to do their job so well, concentrating on tossing their flower petals as they walk. The crowd is entirely charmed by them and so is Scott, who’s got the biggest grin on his face as he watches them. Scott steps forward again so he can crouch down and greet Lizzie with a kiss on her cheek. 

She doesn’t stop there, though, but launches herself into his arms. He laughs, and holds his free arm out to Renée who is right behind Lizzie. He kisses Renée, too, holding them both closely for another moment. Then he stands, holding hands with each of them and watching as Jordan walks down the aisle next, smiling just as much as Scott. But her eyes are glimmering too, and he blinks quickly. When she reaches the front of the church she takes Lizzie and Renée and goes to stand on the other side of the minister. 

The music stops, then, and is followed by a pause as the gathered crowd takes their cue and stands, too. And just before the pianist starts on the next notes Scott sees Tessa, ready at the other end of the aisle, clutching her bouquet of peonies and roses tightly in one hand, and her other wrapped around the crook of Kate’s arm. He can tell she’s looking straight down the aisle back at Scott, like he’s her anchor. And he knows without a doubt that she's his. 

*

By the time it’s Tessa’s turn to step forward at the end of the aisle, she’s almost managed to convince herself she wasn’t nervous about this day at all. The morning has gone by so quickly with all the final preparations - getting everyone dressed, and hair done, and makeup, and food and snacks, and keeping Oliver content as all the bustling activity happened around him. Now that the moment’s arrived for all of them to actually walk down the aisle, Tessa feels a strange energy coming over her. She’s so happy they’ve gotten to this day, and that she gets to tell Scott how much he and their families mean to her. And yet there’s this nervousness, too, like she could burst into laughter or tears at any moment, and she can’t tell quite where that’s coming from. 

Truth be told she’s amazed Lizzie and Renée haven’t completely bounced out of their dresses and flower crowns, they’ve been so excited. They’d spent several minutes just twirling around and giggling, letting the skirts of their purple dresses billow out in circles around them. Tessa had tried to get them to settle, half-watching them from her seat as the hairdresser did her work. In the end Jordan had reassured her it was fine, no harm in getting out some silly energy ahead of time, she’d reasoned. And she’d been right. 

They’ve also had so much help to get to this morning, which she knows is why everything has gone so smoothly. It’s made her feel so relieved at the number of simple choices she’d made in getting to this day. It hadn’t mattered to her whether or not she had a veil with her dress, or whether there were five appetizers or three, or how many attendants each of them had. What she knows is that everyone she loves is waiting for her in the room she’s about to step into. Her brothers and Scott’s parents in the front row, Sarah and Isabel behind them, and so many of her friends and skating family filling in the rest. And Scott and their kids all at the front, together. All of it has made her feel so steady and comforted, leading up to today.

She’d given Alma and Joe one last hug - Alma had been hesitant, not wanting to smudge her makeup, but then Tessa had just wrapped her arms around her, and she’d done the same. And then she’d sent the girls off with their baskets of rose petals, with more encouraging hugs and quick “I love yous.”

By the time the girls and then Jordan had made their way towards the front Tessa had stepped forward to wait her turn. And then Kate had joined her and offered her arm, and now here they are, waiting for her music to start. It hits her just now that this might be one of the very few musical cues she’s never needed to wait for before, and then for a moment it’s like her stomach drops out of her. She closes her eyes briefly and takes in a breath, and then another, gripping her bouquet tightly. 

“You’re almost there, sweetheart,” she hears Kate’s voice next to her. “Just one more minute.” Tessa opens her eyes and sees her mother’s smiling face next to her, lets herself feel the reassurance of her shoulder next to hers and her free hand coming to rest on top of hers.

Tessa nods. “I know. I just...I didn’t realize it was going to feel like this,” she says, blinking. But then she smiles, a giddy half-laugh escaping her.

“Feel like what?” Kate asks.

“Like...like I just want to be up there with Scott. With the twins and the girls and Ollie. With _everyone_. Like I want to _run_ , not walk,” she says, taking in another breath. She lifts a hand and brushes one finger ever so lightly underneath her eyes. 

“We could, you know,” Kate answers, a glint in her eye like she’s considering it. “Only thing is I might have to take off these shoes first,” she says, looking down at the lavender heels that match her dress and coat perfectly. 

Tessa laughs again, half-gasping. The very idea is tempting. But even just entertaining it has done the trick. “Thanks, Mom. Let’s stick with walking, though.”

“Alright,” she allows. “But if you change your mind just give me a nod. It’s your day, after all.”

“It’s our day, Mom,” she answers softly, her smile returning, her gaze travelling back down to the end of the aisle. “All of ours.” She can see now that the girls and Jordan are all settled in their spots, just waiting for the musical cue to change. And now all she sees is Scott, ready for her, with their family right behind him. 

There’s a silent pause, just before the wedding march starts up. Her breath catches in her throat for a split second, and then her gaze finds Scott’s again and she smiles, and then she remembers all she has to do now is step forward. So she does, with Kate by her side. 

In the end the length of the aisle doesn’t seem so long at all, because before she knows it she’s at the front of the church and her mother is embracing her once more, and then she’s standing right next to Scott. They’re both looking at each other with ridiculous grins on their faces, and she feels like she might burst into tears and laughter all at the same time. They’ve only been less than a day but it’s all she can do not to throw her arms around him too, just like the girls did. 

It’s when she steadies her hands around the weight of her bouquet that she remembers her surroundings again - how it’s not just the two of them up there - and glances over at the boys. They’re grinning back at her while Ollie half-waves, half-points one arm towards her, babbling his now familiar _ma-ma-ma_ at her. She’d love to grab them all in a big hug but holds back for the moment, instead waving and blowing them all kisses and then turning to do the same for the girls. Kate now has Lizzie at her side and Renée is standing with Jordan, waiting expectantly for the service to continue. 

She turns back to Scott and just holds one hand to him, and he takes it in both of his. The gathered crowd takes their seats. The minister welcomes them, and they listen gratefully as he and then Jordan and Danny each make a short speech, a few spiritual verses included. Max and Aidan follow them and each give a short recitation, too, and Tessa finds her hand reaching to clutch Scott’s as they listen. It’s then that Tessa can feel her eyes dampening even more and she blinks quickly, noticing Scott’s cheeks turning a little red, too. 

Finally, the minister gives his own affirmation, offering a few minutes of kind yet powerful words, talking about how much God loves when families are joined together. Tessa can feel a knot forming in the back of her throat, feeling the truth of those words settle over her. And then, before Tessa knows it the minister invites them to recite their vows. She turns to Jordan to hold her bouquet and then back towards Scott. She clasps both of his hands in hers and nods for him to go ahead. 

She’s so very glad at that moment that Scott’s going to say his vows first, because she knows she’s already on the verge of tears and wondering how she’s going to get through her speech without falling to pieces. But when she looks at Scott Tessa realizes it wouldn’t matter which of them spoke first. She can tell from the expression on his face he’s trying to hold himself together, too. A part of her wishes she could just press her mouth over his and embrace him, let him put the ring on her finger and then skip ahead right to the celebration. But then she wouldn’t get to tell him how much he means to her, here in front of all of these people, and she wants to do that so, so badly. 

“Tess, I love you so much,” he starts, taking in a breath and squeezing her hands so tightly. “I’ve known you for almost as long as I’ve been alive, and I’ve known you so well I don’t think I would know how to be myself if you weren’t in my life.” He clears his throat. “I know there was another time in the past, a long, long time ago, when I thought you and I would have already stood here together. It almost seemed inevitable, at the time. But that wasn’t meant to be our path, then,” he says, looking right into her eyes. Tessa smiles for him, holding his hand tighter and just radiating love towards him with every part of herself.

Scott takes in a breath and keeps going. “We were meant to take separate paths. And at the time, I didn’t know at first how I would manage to do that. I almost didn’t believe it was possible. But it was. You showed me that. You’ve been part of my life through the good times and the bad,” Scott continues, his voice breaking a little now. 

Tessa swallows, nodding quickly. Her hands squeeze his firmly again, her thumbs brushing along the top of his knuckles. They’d made a promise not to reveal their vows to each other before the ceremony, choosing to keep them secret until the real moment arrived. Now she regrets that promise - not because she doesn’t want to hear what he’s saying, or because she would have needed to give him permission to say anything. Neither of those things are true. But she can see the part of him that’s struggling, the part of him that she knows will always belong to Christine. Her arms ache to hold him right now, to do something else to make sure he knows how loved he is, by her and everyone in this room.

“There was a time not too long ago when I felt so lost, so…” He swallows again, unable to finish that particular sentence. But he doesn’t need to. “I didn’t know what my life would be like after that. It took me a while to figure that out. And you, Tess, you’ve always been there for me, for _all_ of us in whatever way you could be, without even asking. You’re the most generous person I know,” he tells her, and she feels herself well up. “You’ve done so much in your life over so many years, and you’re going to keep doing so much and I...I’m so proud of you. Everything you do Tessa...you could never make the wrong choice.” 

He looks up from their joined hands, then right at her. His gaze is the most open she’s ever seen it, vulnerable and trusting at the same time. “These last few years with you have meant more to me than I ever imagined,” he continues. “Since I’ve known you I’ve loved you in every possible way, as a friend, a lover, and my partner. You’ve never stopped being one of the most important people in my life - the best, kindest, most incredible person. And you’ve loved my children as part of your own family, you’re...you’re the person I want most to be part of their lives. You’ve been a second mother to them and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you how grateful I am for that.” 

Now Tessa doesn’t even try to hold back as the first tears spill from the corners of her eyes and down her cheeks. She blinks, hard, and clutches both of Scott’s hands tighter as he keeps going.

“Every day I get to wake up with you, you make my life happier. Sometimes I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” he says. “But now I get to spend the rest of my life with you, and my family gets to have you too, for good. Thirty-five years ago you let me hold your hand, and you’ve kept on letting me hold your hand. And I’m going to keep being there for you, holding your hand, every day, as long as I live. I love you, Tess,” he finishes simply. 

Tessa smiles back at him with damp cheeks, before looking down at their joined hands, grasping his even tighter. “I love you, Scott,” she answers, unable to wait before she says her part. And then she takes in a breath, trying fruitlessly to steady herself as she remembers the beginning of her own vows. “Okay, I know we flipped for it but now I feel like it’s really not fair that you got to go first,” she starts, half-laughing a little. The crowd laughs along with her, and she can hear more than a few sniffles and some throats clearing, too. Perhaps they’re just as grateful for the release as she is. She can hear the sound of Oliver babbling in curiosity, glimpses him looking over at her from Max’s arms. 

She re-settles her hands in Scott’s and brings her gaze back to meet his. “I’ve known you my whole life, Scott. We watched each other grow up,” she starts, and already she sees him ducking his head, holding onto her and trying to steady his breathing. “I’ve loved you as a team-mate when we were so young, and when we felt so, so much older than we really were. I’ve loved you as a champion as we grew up, practically daring the world to stop us. And when we separated as partners I always loved you as a friend, because loving you is something I never learned how to stop doing. I’m so glad I never did.” Her voice breaks a bit, then. She takes a deep breath and keeps going. 

“You’ve done so much, Scott, you’ve done everything you’ve ever wanted to do in your life, and more. I could never be more proud of you and the man you’ve become - I’m just so, _so_ proud of you,” she emphasizes, her voice breaking. “And what’s more than that...as I watched you become the father and husband you were always meant to be, I realized how much your happiness made my life better. I know now that I could never truly be happy unless you were happy too.” She lets go of one of his hands to touch his cheek, framing his face and making sure he’s looking right at her as he listens to her words. “Long before I ever asked you to be, you became the father my daughter needed. And I will never stop being thankful for the way your family made us part of yours,” she says, her voice breaking again. 

Tessa watches as tears spill over Scott’s cheeks and then he just reaches forward to wrap his arms around her as if on reflex, holding her so tightly in a split second. Her vision blurs just as she closes her eyes against his shoulder, and her arms come to rest around his neck as she too, lets herself release some of the tears that have gathered. 

Reluctantly she parts from him again, because she’s not finished with her vows to him and she needs Scott to hear the rest, here in front of everyone they care about. But she doesn’t get the chance to continue her words just yet, as she’s stopped by the small but insistent impact of Lizzie running up and launching herself at her mother’s side. Tessa feels her daughter’s arms wrap around her legs, and looks down to see Lizzie pressing herself against her skirts. Her flower crown has toppled off onto the floor behind her. 

“ _Mama_ ,” Lizzie says, her nearly five-year-old voice half muffled in Tessa’s skirts. It’s like she’s asking for reassurance and trying to protect Tessa all at the same time. 

Tessa lets one hand come to rest on Lizzie’s hair, and leans down to press a kiss on top of her head. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispers. “We’re all fine.”

Then she’s aware of Oliver babbling in the background, alternating “ _ma-ma-ma_ ” and “ _da-da-da”_ with increasing volume and insistence. Around them she can hear some sympathetic murmurs from the crowd. When she straightens she sees Max stepping forward, too, as Ollie starts reaching his arms out, not wanting to wait any longer for one of his parents to hold him. Tessa puts out her hands to Ollie and kisses his cheek as he wraps his little arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck. 

Tessa reaches her free hand out to Max where he’s standing next to her now, rubbing his shoulder gently in thanks and kissing his cheek, too. Max smiles, looking down bashfully before taking one of Lizzie’s hands. Her daughter’s other hand is still clutched in Tessa’s skirt, but she seems calmer now, more reassured.

When she looks back to Scott she sees he’s been joined by the other two children also, Renée holding one of his hands, and Aidan next to him at his other side. They both look glad to be next to their father, if a little unsure about how to react to Tessa and Scott’s tears. She smiles down at both of them, making sure they all know that this is still a happy moment. 

Tessa steps back through her vows in her mind, and when she remembers what part she’s about to get to next, she laughs again through her tears. 

“Becoming part of your family has given me so much joy, Scott. I love being your partner, and I love your children so much - maybe even more than you,” she adds, laughing in spite of herself. The crowd chuckles a little, too. “I’m so grateful for every day I get to be with you and love all of our children, with you by my side.” She swallows once more, reaching up to brush her hand along his damp cheek. “I will be your wife, your partner, holding your hand for the rest of my life. I love you, Scott.”

A tearful smile breaks out on her face as she finishes. But it’s not there long, as Scott immediately leans in and kisses her, as deeply as she can ever remember. When they part breathlessly, Tessa realizes everyone is clapping for them, just happy and joyous. 

But there’s still one more task to complete, she realizes, too, as the minister steps forward again. “Could we have the rings?” he asks, nodding to Jordan and to Danny. 

Tessa gives Ollie one more kiss and hands him to Jordan, taking the ring from her hand at the same time.

With Lizzie and Max still close at her side, she takes Scott’s hand in hers once again, looking only at him as she repeats the words the minister says, promising to be Scott’s wife, forever from this day forward, in sickness and health, and so on. Finally she slides the ring onto his finger, feeling lighter and happier than she’d known she would.

Then Scott turns to Danny to take the ring he’s been holding, while Renée and Aidan wait next to him. He looks back at Tessa, so much intense love in his eyes as he recites the same promises to her, one line at a time, until there’s nothing left to do but give her the ring, letting it nestle right next to the glittering diamond one that’s been on her hand ever since Christmas. 

The minister pronounces them officially husband and wife. “You may kiss the bride - again,” he adds with a warm smile.

It’s Tessa who leans in first this time, kissing him like she’s been waiting to do it for days. She reaches to hold his face in her hands, as he steps closer to her and wraps his arm around her waist and holds her tightly.   

There’s more applause, then, erupting from the room all at once in an even more joyous burst than before.

 

*

Scott kisses Tessa like it’s the only thing he’s been waiting to do all day - because it is. He can tell her cheeks are still wet and so are his. He feels her hands brushing at his face and he reaches to do the same. When they part he can hear the sound of cheers all around then, but he takes one more moment to just soak her in, his broad smile mirroring hers. 

“We did it, T,” he says, and even he can hear the excited joy in his own voice.

If it’s possible, her smile widens further. “Yeah, we did,” she laughs, and then kisses him again. The music starts again, and he’s faintly aware of their guests starting to stand and mingle, and sees Jordan and Kate and his brothers starting to move towards the pews, in a kind of informal receiving line. He doesn’t remember them practicing that at the rehearsal dinner two nights ago, which makes him wonder if they’d planned it amongst themselves, like they were giving Scott and Tessa their own extra moment to celebrate.

Except, it’s not just their moment. Suddenly Scott reminds himself where he is and feels grounded by the sensation of his daughter’s arms wrapping around his waist. He looks down and sees Renée hugging him, her little arms reaching around him as she presses herself against his side. He bends to kiss her on her forehead, and is relieved to see that there’s a smile on her face too. 

“Congratulations to you too, sweetie,” he murmurs to her. “I love you very much.”

“Me too, Daddy,” she answers, her cheeks going pink. 

“You want to give T a hug, too?” he asks, and she doesn’t need to be asked twice. She runs up to Tessa, who’s somehow in the midst of hugging Max and Lizzie and Ollie all at the same time. 

He wonders briefly if it was okay that they ended up arranged like this with the kids all around them and mixing up the sides. But he quickly banishes that thought - it’s what had felt right at the time, to be surrounded by all of them in whatever arrangement they wanted. 

Just as easily, he turns to Aidan and puts his other arm around him. “We did it, A,” Scott tells him eagerly, hugging him. 

“ _Daaaad_ , I know,” Aidan answers, like he’s being squeezed too tight but actually doesn’t mind. He’s smiling as he says it. “It was good,” he says next. “You said really nice things.”

“I’m glad to know that,” Scott says, breathing out a laugh. “I meant all of it. And I love you too, kiddo.”

Renée and Aidan trade spots with Max and Lizzie and yet more hugs are exchanged. Scott gets Ollie back in his arms, too, and enjoys the way he’s watching all the activity around him with great interest. There’s a half-smile on his face like he understands everything is good and happy, even though he’s not sure exactly how to react to quite this many people all at once. Scott bounces him a little and lets him lean against his shoulder.

Looking out at everyone who’s joined them today, all their family and friends who have been part of their lives for so many years, Scott just feels a rush of joy flood through him. He can see Anna and Ravi making their way forward with little Nadiya clutched in Ravi's arms, waving at him and Tessa. Marie-France and Patrice had made it, too, even in the midst of the beginning of the season they’d managed to make it work, and had made it seem like the easiest choice in the world. Andrew and Kaitlyn are there, too, mingling in the crowd as their son Teddy has already found Jordan’s boys and Charlie’s youngest son to hang out with. And all of his and Tessa’s family, and their families, just spanning out and filling the church with their excitement.

He turns to Max and Lizzie and the other kids with Tessa. “Okay guys, now’s the fun part, alright? We gotta say thank you to everybody that came.” He settles Ollie in one arm and finds Tessa’s hand - his wife’s hand - with his other. And then they join the rest of their family and are overwhelmed by more greetings and congratulations than he can ever remember receiving at one time. 

 

*

Almost an hour later they make it out of the church, heading for photos at Tessa’s house before moving on to the reception. Now that the ceremony is over and Scott and Tessa both have rings on their fingers and have signed the license, she finds herself feeling lighter, more carefree. It’s a sunny day, the ceremony went pretty much perfectly, and now all they have to do is manage to take photos and keep everyone happy until the reception starts and lunch is served. 

She thinks Scott’s feeling the same way, from the smile on his face and the way he greeted everyone afterwards. But she’s also seen him getting lost in thought a couple of times, like he’s got something heavy on his mind, and she thinks she can guess what that’s about, too. More than once today she’s thought about his first wedding day, and how lovely it must have felt to him and Christine to be saying many of those same words to each other. And at the same time she’s also felt so embraced by the support of both of their families, even as she realizes the number of years that have passed between them - when she thinks that it might not be long before those numbers become fractured with loss, a shadow falls over her heart. 

But for now, Tessa focuses herself on the situation at hand, which currently mostly involves getting to her house and managing to take the photographs before any of the children descend into a meltdown. If she were a betting woman she’d be placing money on one of the younger two, based on how much patience they’ve already shown their parents in getting through the ceremony and the greetings afterwards. 

Between her and Scott’s extended family, they get everyone gathered up and into cars, and before heading to the reception they make the planned stop at her house for photos. Janine and the photographer are already there, ready for them. She unbuckles Ollie from his carseat and gathers him and Renée from her car along with Jordan, watching as the twins scramble out from Danny’s car along with Charlie and Scott’s parents, and finally Scott, Lizzie, Kate, and Tessa’s brothers all emerge from Casey’s van. 

“Can I hold Ollie again?” Max asks when they start gathering again. He’d liked having his little brother with him during the ceremony, Tessa could tell. 

“Of course, honey,” she says, placing a towel over his shoulder before putting Ollie in his arms. “Watch that he doesn’t get your suit mussed up, okay? We just need to stay tidy a few more minutes.”

“It’s okay, T. He was all good before,” Max says brightly. Ever since Ollie arrived Max has been keen to look out for him, and that hasn’t changed at all. They could have had any number of other reactions to having a little baby sibling arrive in their world, and Tessa’s been heartened to see Max wanting to spend time with him like this. 

“You’re right, he was,” Tessa says, already distracted by Janine coming over to help direct traffic and to talk to her about where the photographer recommends standing, for the light. Tessa sees Casey and Aidan walking over to join Max and she nods to her older brother, glad to have the backup just in case.

They’ve only been here a few minutes but already it feels a little bit like controlled chaos. Half the group is here milling on the lawn, waiting, but the other half seems to be drifting between outside and inside the house.  Lizzie and Renée are spinning around on the lawn, still enjoying the novelty of their flower girl dresses. Whenever she looks back at Max and Ollie, the baby has Max’s tie half in his mouth, drooling and chewing on it with interest. Which Max doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest, but Alma’s there trying to dissuade the baby from drooling on anyone’s clothes until they at least get a few photos in, and Ollie doesn’t seem to care for the interference at all. Tessa watches Scott come up and offers the baby one of his toys, but it just makes Ollie want to reach for Scott instead, and then the tie thing starts up all over again. 

Then Renée comes up in a rush, Aidan close behind her. She’s flustered, her brow furrowed.

“Honey, what is it?” Tessa asks, turning away from Janine for a moment. The girls have both been so happy and excited all day, this is different all of a sudden.

“We forgot Ringo!” Renée says, her voice insistent and upset. Aidan nods, looking less flustered than Renée but still agreeing with her. 

“Can't we have him in the pictures too?” Aidan asks.

“Oh dear,” Tessa blinks, realizing they’re completely right. The dog is still at Alma and Joe’s house, where he’d stayed last night with the boys and Scott. It had just seemed easier to keep him there during the day since the boys will be headed back there after the reception, sleeping over for a few nights while Scott and Tessa took their little break at the cottage. And then with the flurry of getting everyone over to the church she and Scott hadn’t given it another thought. 

Tessa half-crouches in front of Renée, taking one of her hands. “I’m so sorry, honey. We might have to all get photos with Ringo some other time. We can even get dressed up again if you want?” 

“But it’s _family_ pictures _today_ ,” Renée explains. “And Ringo is family _too_.” She’s on the verge of tears all of a sudden. Tessa reaches for her and puts her arms around her and Renée lets her, but is still frustrated and crying now. 

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I...we messed up. We did forget. I promise we’ll make it better. But I think right now we need to do photos with just kids and grown-ups, okay?”

Tessa makes a deal that they’ll do photos today and as soon as she and Daddy are back they’ll get the photos a second time, and they can get dressed up again just like today if that’s what they want to do.Renée nods against her shoulder and sniffles, eventually starting to calm down. Aidan seems to agree with the plan, too. 

Tessa keeps one hand in Renée’s and walks with her and Aidan to find Scott again, who’s holding an increasingly fussy looking Oliver. 

“Oh dear,” she says again, putting one hand out to Ollie’s back. He immediately reaches for her, instead, and she does her best to grab him with one hand. The baby settles in the crook of her arm, grabbing at her hair and face. By this point she’s about stopped trying to keep her makeup intact, so she only makes a half-hearted attempt to stop him. Mostly she’s wondering how long she can keep him distracted. 

Scott crouches to take Renée’s hand and kisses her on the cheek, and she can tell from his expression that he knows everyone’s mood is starting to fracture. She wonders what else is happening with the rest of the group, and quickly scans around looking for Lizzie. Mercifully, she seems happily occupied with Jordan and her boys, and Max. 

“I don’t know, T,” Scott says, straightening again. “I know the light’s good and everything but I think we gotta do snacks first. Maybe everyone just needs to take five, you know?”

“I was thinking the same thing,” she nods, realizing that Ollie won’t wait much longer for a bottle, either. 

“There’s the fruit, and cheese and crackers, right?” Scott says. “And there should still be those juice boxes…”

It’s then that Kate approaches, having heard the last bit of their conversation. “Actually...” she says, hesitating a little. “So, I had Janine order some sandwiches and squares,” she says, like she’s hoping that was the right call. “They’re in the fridge downstairs. I know you had some snacks ready but I didn’t know if it would be enough,” she explains. 

“Oh, _Mom_ ,” Tessa breathes out. She puts one hand out to her. “Thank you.” 

“It’s alright, honey. It’s a long day, we’ll just get everyone fed a little bit.” Kate glances at Renée and Aidan, and then Scott, and then lowers her voice. “And your brother left a minute ago to go get the dog,” she says.

It’s still loud enough for the kids to hear, and Renée and Aidan’s faces immediately light up. 

“Casey?” Scott asks, looking around as if to confirm. “But that’s a twenty minute drive. And we have to be back at the reception in less than an hour, right?” He looks down at his watch, and then back at Tessa.

“Casey will go as fast as he can,” Tessa says, knowing her brother, and how well he knows the small side roads. But she knows he’ll be safe about it. “And we will not be the first people in history to start a wedding reception a few minutes late,” she reasons. 

“Okay then,” Scott breathes out, nodding decisively. “Let’s do this. Kate, let’s go find these magical sandwiches and brownies,” he says. He kisses Tessa on the cheek and heads off with Renée and Kate, collecting more of the kids on his way into the house.

Once food appears, everyone’s mood seems to relax a little. At first Ollie waves off the bottle Tessa finds for him, but then does end up drinking down about half of it. They put out the sandwiches and squares and all of the other snacks they can find, letting everyone reach for whatever they want.  

The photographer starts the photos with all the other adults first - the parents, and as many combinations of the Moirs and Virtues as they can manage until Casey returns. Jordan helps Tessa touch up her hair and makeup again, and Scott changes out his tie to one with fewer baby drool-marks on it - not an exact colour match to the one he had on before but still close enough. Tessa even notices the assistant photographer taking a few shots of the activity inside the house, and it makes her happy knowing some of the little moments are still going to be captured. 

By the time it’s her and Scott’s turn to stand together on the front lawn Tessa’s feeling more of the same lightness as an hour ago. But this time it’s mixed with relief, as she gladly wraps her arm around Scott and feels his arm slot into place around her waist, too, his hand resting on her hip in the same way he's done countless times before. It grounds her and it's enough to make her relax against him. She feels so steady and centred, standing in his arms and feeling the calm assurance radiating off of him. He kisses her cheek and she smiles in response, closing her eyes for a moment. He keeps kissing her, on the lips this time, and fleetingly she lets herself entertain thoughts of doing a little more than kissing him but that will have to wait.

When she opens her eyes again she’s aware of the photographer already clicking the shutter, and then she remembers they have their job to do right now. “You’re beautiful together,” the photographer reassures them. “Just keep standing like that, however you’re comfortable.”

So they do continue, just like that. She’s _so_ comfortable, in fact, that it’s not until a couple of minutes later when she realizes she’s forgotten her bouquet - Kate comes out of the house with Renée holding it, and the girl runs to bring it to her so they can continue the shoot. 

A little later, Tessa and Scott finish with their photos just in time to see Casey’s van pull up again. He steps out and opens the side door, letting Ringo out with great flourish. Tessa catches her brother’s eye and tells him a silent thank you, heartened by the smile and nod she receives in return. Max and Lizzie trail out of the house next, curious about the commotion. They’ve got what look like Nanaimo bars in their hands and Lizzie’s cheeks are half-covered in chocolate. 

“Yeah, Ringo’s here now!” Aidan runs up to meet the dog, followed quickly by Max and the girls. The dog is just as enthusiastic to say the least. 

Scott steps over quickly, aware of the need to keep everyone at least mostly put together until they get their group photo. “Hey, easy guys, okay? We gotta watch the clothes, it’s photo time for everyone now.” And then Kate jumps in and manages to get Lizzie and Max’s fingers and faces clean.  

Tessa just laughs, the rest of her nervous energy escaping her on a breath. She shakes her head, suddenly not caring how tidy everyone is as long as they’re happy. And if she thinks back over the years this isn't nearly the most chaotic photo-shoot she and Scott have been a part of, not by a long shot. She turns to the photographer, hoping for some solidarity. 

“Can you remove paw prints in ‘post’?” Tessa asks.

The photographer just nods knowingly. “We absolutely can. Not the first time at all, _believe_ me.”

She laughs again, moving to help Scott in getting the group assembled. And then they’re finally standing together again, all seven of them - plus the dog, now somehow also wearing a tie - with Tessa and Scott in the middle holding Oliver between them. They get their photos, and then some. The light is still beautiful, and she’s got Scott- _her husband_ \- at her side, and her family around her is happy, and it’s the best feeling in the world.  

 

*

They get to the reception hall in much the same manner as when they had left the church - everyone packed into different cars, and lots of excitement to get to the next event of the day. As planned they let Jordan and their parents get the kids arranged at their table, while Tessa and Scott head to the sitting room at the rear of the hall. If all goes well Ollie will get to nap for a little while in the crib they've set up for him, gratefully watched by Charlotte and Poppy on a rotating basis.

"I hope the girls don't mind missing some of the party," Tessa tells him as they arrive. It's a comfortable room, with a couple of couches and chairs. It’s distant enough from the rest of the hall that most of the sounds are muffled, as though coming from far away. He thinks Anna or Ravi might not mind a bit of quiet time with Nadiya in here, too, later, if she's getting overdone.

"Nah, I think Char is happy to have a people-break for a little while,” he tells her. “She doesn’t love the big crowds as much as the rest of the Moirs. Hanging with Oliver will be just her speed.”

“I think Poppy feels the same way,” Tessa says. “Either way, I promised both of them a big thank you gift.” She sits down on one of the couches, noticing Oliver’s whimpers are now growing in volume.

Scott sets down Oliver’s bag and right away pulls out one of the bottles. “Here, T, he probably didn’t get enough earlier,” he says. Truth be told it’s been a long day for everyone and it’s amazing Ollie hasn’t been more stressed out up until this point. Scott sits next to her while she holds Ollie in one arm and tries to get him to take some of the bottle. He does for a minute or so, but then starts fussing again, pushing the bottle away.

“Come on, baby, just have a little more, okay? For me? Then you can have a nice nap…” Tessa’s voice trails off as Ollie starts outright crying, defeating her attempt at reasoning with him. Scott takes the bottle back as she tries soothing the baby, and it’s when Ollie starts cuddling closer, his hands and face nuzzling against her chest, that she realizes what he wants. “Oh, sweetheart,” she breathes out. “Of course you would pick this moment, wouldn’t you?” Her dress is cut fairly low in the back and with a deep enough V in the front, so it should be manageable for her to nurse him. But all the same he knows she hadn’t fully accounted for breastfeeding as part of her activities while wearing it, he remembers that much from everything they’ve talked about the last few weeks. 

“It’s okay, T, I’ve got you,” Scott says, reaching for the clasp and zipper at her back. 

With his help she manages to pull down one shoulder of the dress and free herself enough to get Oliver settled against her, and sure enough the baby latches on and nurses eagerly. Tessa leans back against the couch, exhaling a sigh. “Well, that’s better at least.” 

“He probably just needed a little extra comfort too, huh little guy?” Scott reaches out to give his little foot a squeeze. “See? No big crowds anymore buddy, just us right now.”

“Yeah,” Tessa laughs. “I wonder what he makes of all of this. So much attention and activity.”

“I know. I think he doesn’t mind the attention most of the time but it’s been a lot of people today.”

For a few moments they just sit quietly, Oliver’s little murmurs and sounds the only real noise in the room. Before too long he seems to have had enough and Tessa puts him over her shoulder and pats his back. Scott helps her get her dress back to rights and then she leans next to him, letting Ollie rest in her arms again. Content once again, his eyelids start drooping. She lets out a gentle sigh of relief, too. 

As Ollie starts drifting off Scott finds himself just looking down at him, wondering what Ollie really does think about all of the events of the day. He wonders how much he’s absorbed or understood, if any of it. But then, Scott’s had a few moments like that himself, even amidst the happiness. And for him, too, it’s been Tessa’s presence that’s reassured him every time. 

When he looks up at Tessa he sees her looking at him with a thoughtful, curious expression on his face. “Hey,” she says, nudging Scott gently. “You good? I’ve seen you with that look on your face a few times today.”

“What look?” he asks, glancing back to Ollie’s now-sleeping form, and then up at Tessa again. He hadn’t realized he was doing it. 

Tessa smiles at him again. “That look, like you’re thinking about the whole world. Like you’re thinking about years and years of the future all at once.”

Scott breathes out a half-laugh. “Yeah. You’re not wrong about that. I guess I can’t help it, today.” He lets a finger come to rest on one of Ollie’s, comforted by his familiar murmurs and the way his little hand always clasps at Scott’s. Some of his little habits are still the same even though he’s so much bigger than a few months ago. 

“Hey,” Tessa says again, reaching to put her free hand on his shoulder. “Today’s a good day. It’s okay to enjoy it.”

“You sound like Aidan,” he says wryly. He’s not sure why he’s trying to brush aside her reassurance.

“Well, Aidan’s a smart kid, you know,” Tessa says, moving her hand back and forth on his shoulder and down his back. "With a smart dad."

There’s a quiet pause as they sit with Ollie for another minute, and then Tessa stands, moving to put him down in the crib. Scott joins her to place his favourite blanket over him, and the baby settles easily. 

Tessa reaches for Scott, putting her arms around his waist and looking up at him with such affection, and something like wisdom. He puts his arms around her, too, smiling down at her, too, and then kisses her. She rests her head against his chest and then they’re swaying together a little, almost like they’re dancing. 

“I’m so happy we did this, Scott. I’m so happy to be your wife.”

“Yeah?” He wraps his arms more snugly around her, his voice an excited confirmation. “Well, me too, Virtch. We’re a team event, you know,” he adds, the same words they’ve used to describe so much of their shared life over the last couple of years. 

“I meant every word I said, up there. I’m going to be with you, good times and bad,” she says, looking up at him again.

Her gaze is serious now, and he swallows, feeling what she’s leading up to. “I know you will be. Just like I’m here for you, always.”

“I don’t know what the bad times are going to look like. And I wish there weren’t going to be any more,” Tessa says, half-shrugging, shaking her head a little. Her voice is shaking now, and he can tell she understands where his thoughts have been drifting at times during the day - the last few days. 

“Tess,” he whispers, running his hands down her back and waist. “We don’t have to do this now,” he starts. 

It _is_ a wonderful day, he thinks. The best possible day. Everyone’s happy, and Ollie is settled, and there’s beautiful sunlight shining through the windows from outside.

“No, we _do_ ,” she says. “Because I love you, and I just married you, and that means I get to tell you these things whenever I need to. And in a few minutes we’re going to go out there and have our dance with each other in front of everyone, so we have to do this first,” she says, insistent. After everything they already shared with each other during the ceremony it’s hard to believe they’ve got anything else to say, but he knows she’s right to say these things.

She swallows again, and takes in a wobbling breath. “I wish our family could stay like it is, forever. I wish everyone else that’s out there waiting for us in that hall, would stay with us forever and that no one would ever leave us again.” 

He just holds her to him, then, wordless. She lets him clutch her in his arms, pressing her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder. He doesn’t want to think about the losses that will come, or even the ones that have happened already - no more than she does. But neither of them can stop them from happening just by wishing, either, and for the moment they just let themselves sit with that, holding onto each other like their lives depend on it. 

“You’ve got me for good, Scott,” Tessa says, breaking the silence first. “All of you do. And whatever happens to you happens to me too, your family is my family, forever.” Her voice is quiet, and filled with emotion, but no less insistent than before. 

“I love you, T,” he gets out, thinking and feeling so much more than that. “And I meant what I said up there. I’m just so grateful for you, every day of my life. Your family is my family too,” he adds. “Always has been, always will,” he says, with damp eyes and cheeks just like a couple of hours ago. 

“I know we can’t stop all of the bad times from happening, I...I wish we could,” she tells him. “But there are so many good things that are still to come. I could never wish those away either, not for anything in the world.”

“Neither could I,” he agrees, blinking hard. “I love you and I want the rest of my life with you, however it comes.”

Tessa lifts her head, just enough for him to be able to kiss her again. She kisses him back, briefly at first, as she catches her breath, and then she brings up a hand to his cheek and kisses him again, and again. They’re both smiling again a few moments later, and he can feel her breath settling just like his. She lifts a hand to his face and brushes her thumb against his cheek, drying some of his tears.

“Well, I’m glad we got that cleared up, then,” she says, laughing a little. Her hand comes to rest on his chest and he takes it in his, kissing it and then just holding it close. They start swaying again, almost like there’s music playing. 

He knows they should be getting ready to make their entrance, that the reception crowd will still be waiting. One of them should go find Danny and Charlotte, who had volunteered to watch Ollie for the first hour of the reception before swapping out with Poppy. And he’s pretty sure Tessa will want to fix her makeup again, and Scott should probably straighten up his jacket and tie and check himself over, too. 

“Dance with me,” Scott says, his voice low enough it's almost a whisper. His smile is gentle, and her hand is warm in his. 

“Here? Like this?” She glances back at Ollie who’s sleeping soundly, and then over at the door, as though her mind running through all the same things as he was. But then when she looks back at him again her smile is excited, and joyful. She nods quickly. “Okay.”

She keeps her hand in his and brings her other arm to rest around his shoulder, closer to a dance hold. Their feet just move simply at first, as they keep swaying with each other. Tessa rests her cheek against his as they move towards more familiar steps. They move in a gentle circle, holding each other close. 

In a few minutes Danny and Charlotte will appear, ready to leave Ollie taken care of while Scott and Tessa open the reception with their proper choreographed dance and a round of even more congratulations. But for now he lets himself enjoy this moment with Tessa - with his wife - and everyone else can wait.

 

*

After all the emotions that have surfaced throughout the day - his and Tessa’s quiet dance time included - Scott greets the reception crowd all the more gladly. There’s so much energy in the room he can’t help but feel lifted up, and every time he looks at Tessa he can tell she’s feeling the same way. The kids, too, he’s sure - they’ve never been to a big party quite like this before, and they get to be a little bit in the spotlight along with their parents, which definitely adds to the importance and excitement of it all. 

He and Tessa dance their ‘first dance’ together in front of everyone, holding each other more formally than a few minutes earlier but just as lovingly. Then Tessa dances with Casey and Scott with his mother, whose smile is doing nothing to help her hold back her own wave of emotion that Scott can tell has been with her all day. The music changes and Danny comes to take Scott’s place, and then Scott takes Kate’s hand as Tessa takes Joe’s arm, and after that the floor opens up to everyone. 

And then Scott makes sure she gets a glass of champagne, and food is served, and a round of toasts and more heartfelt speeches. He and Tessa listen from their places the head table, her hand never leaving his the entire time. 

By the time he and Tessa cut the cake both of them can hardly hold back laughter as they raise a piece to the other’s mouth, one at a time. Scott goes first, and Tessa takes a bite and then manages to shift out of the way just as he tries to smash the whole piece towards her, still managing to get a good amount of icing onto her cheek. The crowd lets out admiring cheer and laughter at that, and then once again as Tessa approaches Scott with her piece and manages to mash the entire thing against his mouth. He retaliates by immediately moving to kiss Tessa back, coating her mouth and more of her face with frosting and bits of cake. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve been waiting _years_ to do that,” he jokes, as Tessa reaches for a napkin to tidy herself, and then he follows and does the same. 

“It’s a good thing I love you, Moir,” Tessa jokes. “But I still might get back at you, later.” And more laughter surrounds them from the crowd. 

It’s the last ceremonial part of the day - the last thing standing between them and a just a full out party with all of their friends and family and kids - and now that it’s done Scott’s left with just complete joy. He reaches for Tessa’s hand, pulling her close and kissing her firmly once again. When his lips cover hers he can taste some of the frosting still lingering, and God help him if his tongue doesn’t escape a little bit, searching for some of the sweetness on her mouth and upper lip.

Tessa brings a hand to his shoulder and barely represses a squeak. “Watch it kiddo, you know we’ve got an audience,” she says, breaking their kiss and looking him directly in the eye.

“I know, but you’re just right there, looking so good,” he murmurs, clutching her hand and keeping her close to him. He sneaks another kiss on her cheek, and then her lips again. “Did I mention how beautiful you are today?” 

“Just keep it family-friendly, Moir,” Tessa answers in a low voice, though it’s accompanied by a wink and another smile. And she lets him keep his hand at her waist as they stand together, now slightly off to the side. Scott nods to the waiting attendants who quickly step in and start slicing up the cake. 

Truthfully, the young faces _are_ all hovering close - not just Tessa and Scott’s family but all of the little ones in the mix - but it’s mostly the cake the kids are interested in. The slices are all gradually distributed to everyone in the hall, as light music picks up again. Scott thinks this might be the part of the day the kids have all been most looking forward to, and he can’t blame them. It’s a really great cake, he knows Tessa made sure of it. 

He and Tessa eventually get their slices too. They start out eating at the head table with the kids all together, but then once the plates are empty they all start to disperse again one or two at a time. The music has changed up to something upbeat, and Scott sees Aidan make a move towards the floor, followed by a smiling Tessa and a very bouncy Lizzie. Before long Andrew and Kaitlyn’s son Teddy joins up with them - Scott’s not surprised he got the dance gene, too - and then Max and Jordan’s sons and a few others round out their group. 

Renée is still making an attempt finishing her slice - she’d managed to get a pretty large piece, he admires - so Scott’s content to just sit with her a little longer as the festivities continue around them. He thinks she’s been enjoying herself, and wonders if the little introvert side of her is feeling the need for a pause. When he asks her what he’s thinking about, her answer surprises him.

“Well I was thinking...what do I call T now?” Renée asks him then. 

He blinks, caught off guard, and then pulls his chair over a little more so he’s right next to Renée. She’s leaning close, pressed against his side. At eight years old she’s not so small anymore, but it still feels like it sometimes when she sits next to him like this. “What do you want to call her?” he asks Renée back. “You can still call her ‘T’ if you want to,” he tells her. The steadiness in his voice betrays the emotion he’s feeling, hearing her ask that question. Ever since he and Tessa became a couple for real, they’d never asked the kids to change anything about how they called either of them. And he and Tessa had agreed that wouldn’t change, not unless one of the kids decided it was what they wanted. 

“Yeah,” Renée answers, like she’s thinking about it.

“What are you thinking, honey?” Scott rests his arm around her shoulders and she tucks herself closer. He can tell she’s not upset, but that she’s taking the idea seriously and giving it thought.

Renée’s hands fidget with her skirt. “Well, she’s ‘Mama’ for Lizzie and Ollie now, too” she explains, softly. 

Hearing her say that out loud, it makes a lot more sense to Scott why she’d be wondering about it. It’s not just that he and Tessa are married, now. It’s also that Ollie’s started to figure out his and Tessa’s names as their parents, and it’s started to form a sort of dividing line between Scott’s children and Tessa’s. And now that he starts to think back he wonders if there have been times in the last couple of months when Renée’s wanted to use ‘Mama’ instead of ‘T,’ but hesitated. 

He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Honey, you know she loves you no matter what you want to call her, right? We both do,” Scott says. He holds her with both arms now, lowering his voice a little. “And same with Mom, you know that? She loved you so, so much.”

Renée snuggles a little closer. “I know, Daddy,” she says, her voice a little quieter, too. “And Mommy is still ‘Mom,’ so Tessa can be ‘Mama’ and it’s okay, right?”

Scott laughs a little, in spite of himself. He’s feeling so many things all of a sudden and is trying to keep himself at least a little bit reeled in. “Of course it’s okay, Renée. Of course it is.” He kisses his daughter again. “You can ask T about it whenever you want to, okay?”

“Okay. I will, I promise,” she says, and then giggles too as Scott squeezes her even more tightly. “ _Dad-dyyyy_ ,” she responds, half-muffled. “You’re going to crinkle my dress.” But he can tell she doesn’t really mind. When he looks down at her he can see a blushing smile on her face. 

“Well we can’t have that, can we? Grandma did say it was important for the pictures, I remember.” He loosens his grip and then kisses her on the cheek once more when she sits up. He glances over again at the dance floor, where the crowd is a little bit bigger. “Hey, you want to join the rest of those guys out there? Looks like a pretty good party.”

Renée nods back quickly, still smiling. He takes her hand and they join the rest of their family on the dance floor, moving and dancing and being just as silly and happy as the rest of them. 

*

The reception continues long into the afternoon, as guests alternate between the dance floor and casual conversation at the tables. Tessa starts making her way around the room, catching up with as many people as she can. Lizzie joins her, too, a little shyer around the people she doesn’t know as well, but excited to be part of the greeting party all the same. When they get to Anna and Ravi’s table Lizzie makes a beeline for them, chatting happily with Anna and then doing some kind of clapping game with Ravi. 

Tessa spends time chatting with both of them, and Andrew and Kaitlyn, and others from the Cricket Club crew. Ravi is just a couple of months into his law program at U of T, and as he tells her more about it she feels a strange surge of pride, thinking about the new careers they both have ahead of them. It’s hard not to descend into shop talk after a while, especially now that Anna has started to spend some time with them on the coaching and choreography side, and with Tessa getting back to her athlete support work with Kaitlyn she finds herself talking business with her, too.

Eventually Kaitlyn just smiles at her, putting both of her hands on Tessa’s. “Tess, it’s okay, all of this will still be here in a week. You’re at your wedding reception, remember?” she says - pointedly, but lovingly all the same. 

Tessa laughs a little, too. “I know, I know. I guess I can’t help myself.” She looks around the room. “I feel like so much of the last few months has been taken up with planning for today, and now that it’s here I just want more time with everyone.”

“Yeah, I remember that feeling, too,” Kaitlyn says, looking over at Andrew. Teddy’s joined him and Lizzie and Ravi, now, and they seem to have expanded their game to all four of them. “Trust me, though, you guys deserve today. And your week off.”

“Four days,” Tessa corrects. Their real, long honeymoon will come in the spring, but tonight they have a car arranged to bring them to Tessa's cottage for an extended weekend. It’s just enough to allow them time to get back for Thanksgiving before they’re back into preparations for Skate Canada.

“Well, you deserve your four days,” Kaitlyn reiterates. “Besides, our clients can wait a week or two, and these guys can handle the shop while you two are gone,” she says with a sideways nod to Andrew and the others, who are now dissolving into laughter right along with the kids. 

Tessa shakes her head, though she’s still smiling. “As long as everyone’s still standing when we get back,” she allows. 

“I’m pretty sure that can be managed,” says Kaitlyn. “ _Pretty_ sure,” she adds with one more glance over at the guys, and then both she and Tessa laugh again.

They chat for a few more minutes before Lizzie runs up to them, hugging Tessa around her lap.

“Are you having a good time, sweetie?” Tessa asks her, letting Lizzie climb up on her lap and holding her close. For about the hundredth time that day, she’s glad she chose a dress without a complicated skirt. 

“ _Yeah_ ,” Lizzie answers, still bouncing a little. “Andrew and Ravi said they’ll show me more skating soon like the big kids.”

“Oh, like the big kids?” Tessa raises her eyebrows, as Kaitlyn does the same, nodding back to Lizzie. “Well, that sounds very exciting. And like something that Mama should be there for,” she says with a sideways glance at the guys. Andrew and Ravi nod back charmingly. 

Lizzie reports more, excited, and eventually starts looking around at the other guests. “Mama who do we go talk to now?”

Kaitlyn laughs, reaching out a hand to high-five her. “You’re just like your mother, you know that? She loves meeting people, too.” 

Tessa just smiles, thinking how true that is, but also how she hopes Lizzie will be someone all her own as she gets older. It’s exciting and intimidating all at once. Lizzie scrambles off of Tessa’s lap, pulling at her hand, and Tessa makes quick goodbyes and has them all promise to give her a hug before they leave.

They find themselves joining Sarah and Isabel next, who are chatting with Aidan in a quieter corner of the hall. Lizzie runs up next to Aidan first, looking over at the video he’s showing Sarah on his phone. 

“I hope he’s showing off to you,” Tessa tells them proudly, giving both ladies a quick kiss on the cheek. “His dance group is quite something.”

“I can see that,” Sarah answers, a proud and wistful expression on her face. Tessa recognizes the look in her eye and it makes her count back how long it’s been since they’ve had Sarah and Isabel for a visit, and how Lizzie was almost a year younger the last time she would have seen them. She makes a note to have them over again soon.

“Sarah loves these videos,” Isabel says. “She watches them at least ten times in a row when she gets them,” she tells Aidan. Isabel’s looking so elegant, her long silver and black hair beautiful against her red dress. Not for the first time Tessa thinks what a wonderful partnership she and Sarah make together. 

“Not _quite_ ten times,” Sarah interjects. “Close, though,” she admits. “And it’s my right, as a proud Aunt.” 

Tessa laughs, pulling up a chair right next to Sarah. Lizzie comes up close to Isabel, looking over at Aidan’s video as well. They finish watching it just as Teddy runs up from the other table, curious about it, too. 

“You boys go,” Sarah says warmly, waving them off like she’s getting in the way of the young people. “I’ll find you before we leave, okay?”

“Okay, Auntie,” Aidan says. “I”ll send you another video next week, too,” he adds. Sarah high-fives him and then he and Teddy drift off again, already chatting more. Tessa feels then some of the same pride that’s been in Sarah’s voice - Aidan’s such an amazing boy, both he and Max are. 

Lizzie’s still standing with Isabel, and then gets an intrigued little look on her face. 

“What is it, my dear?” Isabel asks, taking the words right out of Tessa’s mouth. 

Lizzie turns, both hands clutching at Isabel’s knee. “Are you my auntie now, too?” Lizzie asks her, excited.

Tessa opens her mouth but doesn’t answer, looking from Lizzie to Sarah and then back to Isabel. But she doesn’t mind the question at all. She puts her hands on Lizzie’s, smiling just as excitedly.

“Of course, _mija_ ,” Isabel answers. “That’s exactly who I am.”

Lizzie grins. “Mama says all our families are the same now,” she explains, and all three women laugh the same happy laugh, together. Lizzie looks over at Tessa as though needing to confirm.

“You’re right, honey, I did say that,” Tessa says, reaching out a reassuring hand to Lizzie’s back. “All of us are the same family.”

Lizzie nods and smiles again, satisfied. She turns back to Isabel, who’s happy to let Lizzie scramble up on her lap. Isabel waves quickly at Tessa, letting her know she doesn’t mind. “I like your pretty dress,” Lizzie tells her, and Isabel smiles back just as happily. She carries on chatting with her, telling her all about her dress and her jewelry, and her favourite colours. Likewise, Tessa and Sarah turn back to each other and talk some more.

“She’s such a lovely girl, your Lizzie,” Sarah tells her. “Every time we see her she’s so much older, like she’s a brand new person all over again.”

“I’m so glad you could be here with us today,” Tessa responds, just saying the first words on her mind.

Sarah’s expression is just as warm as Tessa’s. “I am too. We wouldn’t have missed it, I promise you.”

“I hope...I hope today has been a happy day for you,” she emphasizes, her thoughts drifting back to her and Scott’s earlier conversation. 

“It was,” Sarah tells her, understanding. “I thought what you and Scott said to each other was beautiful, just...just lovely,” she says, her eyes shimmering a little now. 

“I’m glad,” Tessa nods. She lifts her hand, almost hesitating a little, but Sarah takes it in hers gladly.

“I’ve thought a lot about her, this week,” Sarah adds quietly, her voice so filled with emotion. “My wonderful niece.”

Tessa squeezes her hand. “So have I. And I know Scott has, too.”  

“I know you have. And I...I’m so glad you’ve found happiness with each other, Tessa, I truly am.”

Tessa nods again, a knot forming in her throat. She can’t find words, all of a sudden. 

“But I’m also so, _so_ glad you knew her, too,” Sarah adds. “And that the children have you. That...you’ll love them in your own different way but still just as much she would have,” she says, her voice faltering.

“Oh, Sarah,” Tessa says, pulling her in for a hug. “Of course I will. I _do_.”

Sarah nods. “I know you do,” she answers, hugging Tessa back tightly. “And I love you for that. But I wanted to tell you all the same.”

When they separate Sarah kisses her on the cheek and Tessa does the same for her. She brushes under her own eyes. “Yes, it seems to be the day for that kind of thing,” Tessa says amazedly. Both of them are smiling again now.

“The kind of day for what sort of thing?” 

Tessa looks up to see Scott approaching, and both women stand, beaming at him. 

“Oh, just a few adoring declarations, you know,” Sarah tells him, opening her arms for a hug. Lizzie sees Scott and scrambles off of Isabel’s lap, allowing her to stand and come to greet Scott properly as well.

“They’re my Auntie Sarah and Auntie Isabel, too!” Lizzie reports proudly, catching him up on her own important discoveries of the evening.

Scott nods, his expression pleased. “Well of course they are,” he answers. 

They chat warmly for a little bit longer. As Sarah exchanges a few heartfelt words with him just as she had with Tessa, Tessa turns back to Isabel and Lizzie for a few more minutes. Eventually Isabel takes Lizzie over to the food table as they go off in search of a snack, and Sarah excuses herself to freshen up. And then it’s just Tessa and Scott again, for however brief a moment before they need to continue visiting with their guests. 

“Names also seem to be a very important topic of conversation today,” Scott says, looking at her with a pensive expression.

“Yeah?” Tessa's curious, not sure what he could mean.

“Yeah,” Scott repeats, pleased and a little excited. He hesitates for a moment and then he seems to decide something. “Renée might talk to you, too,” he tells her. 

“Renée?” Tessa asks, just as curious. “About names? About me, what...” she pauses, realizing what Scott means. “Oh Scott, really?” She’s never pushed any of Scott’s three to change anything about the name they use with her. But Renée is young enough and close enough with Lizzie that she’d wondered if this moment might come. 

Scott nods, holding onto her hand. “Yeah. Nothing for sure, just...she might talk to you about it. I told her she should whenever she wants to.”

“Oh...Oh, _Scott…_ ” Is all she can manage, fully realizing the significance of what he’s saying. She keeps squeezing his hand tightly and leans against him, chest to chest.

“Yeah,” he answers softly, letting her lean into his arms. “It’s like you said, T,” he tells her, his voice just loud enough for her to hear over the noise of the room. “We’re yours, and you’re ours. For good.”

“Damned right, we are,” she says, her voice breaking with the emotion and truth of those words. Every time she’s welled up today she’s been convinced that’s the end of it, that she can’t possibly find more tears. But there seems to be no limit to any of that, and all for the best reasons. She feels so humbled, and so loved. And she’s exactly where she belongs. 

*

Scott wakes the next morning from a sound sleep, comfortable and warm. He experiences a fleeting moment where he has to remember where he is and what day it is, and then he does and feels so grateful. There’s been so much happening to prepare for yesterday’s events that now it seems strange that it’s all complete, now. But it’s been such a good, full weekend. In the ebb and flow of everything that’s happened there’s been so few moments where it’s just been him and Tessa together - ironic given that this is a day for them to celebrate their marriage. Now that he knows everyone else is taken care of there’s nothing else to do but be with Tessa. 

There’s a little bit of light coming through the windows now, and the sound of a few birds outside. It’s then that he notices he’s alone in bed, seeing the covers on Tessa’s side have been pulled aside. He puts out a hand and feels a hint of warmth still there on the sheets. Then there’s the lingering distinctive scent of her, that combination of her shampoo and perfume and just… her, that he’d know anywhere. And Tessa’s presence announces itself throughout the room - her bouquet from yesterday travelled with them and is there in a vase of water on the dresser, her tablet and a few books are already stacked neatly on her bedside table. 

He rubs a hand over his eyes and gets up, grabbing for the nearest sweater he can find amidst his belongings. Part of him feels oddly like a teenager again, a young man stealing away with the girl he adores. They’d arrived here late yesterday evening but not too late to properly close the day in bed each others’ arms, wrapped around each other like they were coming home. And in the next few days he intends to do much, much more of that.

Scott makes his way downstairs, finding an empty set of rooms once again. So he heads to the back deck, with the view of water and trees...and Tessa sitting with a blanket around her and a mug of coffee in her hands. When she turns to look at him and smiles, it’s wonderful.

“Hey, pretty lady,” he says, his smile mirroring hers. It's a terrible understatement, though - she was so beautiful yesterday, with her dress and flowers and so much joy. And she's beautiful right now, fresh from sleep with the coziest sweater and not the slightest trace of makeup. He comes to sit next to her on the sofa, wrapping his arms around her easily just as she puts some of the blanket around him, too. He presses a kiss to the side of her head and just enjoys the way she leans into his embrace. “I’m surprised you’re up before me.”

Tessa smiles again. “Me too. I guess I just woke up and then I couldn’t go back to sleep again. Is that weird?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. Getting to see the sunrise like this is pretty great.” He wraps his arm more closely around her waist. “I wish you’d woken me up, though,” he admits. 

Her smile turns into mild laughter. “Scott, I _tried_. Twice. You were out so hard,” she tells him, shaking her head. 

He laughs a little, too, and then yawns again. “I guess yesterday _was_ a big day.”

“You _guess_ so?” Tessa just shakes her head at him again, like he’s just made the understatement of the year. And maybe he has. “Here,” she says, handing him the mug in her hands. “Because I love you, you can finish the rest of this. You probably need it more than me,” she adds.

“What’s yours is mine?” he asks with a wink. 

“Something like that. My husband,” she adds gently.

It’s ridiculous, the way he can’t help softening at the way she says that. He finishes the coffee, partly because he does, in fact, want the coffee, but partly because the sooner his hands are empty the sooner he can go back to just holding his wife. Which he does, setting aside the mug and then wrapping the blanket around both of them once again. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t fix your own before coming out here,” she says. “You didn’t see I made a pot?”

Scott shakes his head. “I guess I didn’t. Mostly I just wanted you. Everything else second.”

Tessa laughs a little again, the vibrations of it rippling against his body. “Well, then. I can’t argue with that.” 

He shifts closer, wrapping his arms more snugly around her and feeling the trim line of her waist, the curve of her hip. The sun has come up, now, painting the sky in bands of purple and orange that gradually become lighter and brighter as the minutes pass. Tessa leans her head on his shoulder. Her breath is warm against his skin, and in the chilly morning air it’s enough to make him want to wrap himself up with her.

It’s strange, how much he still wants to tell her. They’d spent yesterday saying so many things out loud, so many declarations and reassurances and...well, vows. But instead of feeling empty of all of those things it’s like the words have filled him up, like it’s all brand new again. He just wants to keep telling her and showing her, over and over, how much she means to him. 

“I love you,” he says then, like it’s the first and only place he could start. 

She lifts her head, meeting her gaze as she tells him, “I love you,” right back. 

Scott brings one hand to brush a few strands of hair away from her face and then softly cupping her cheek. When he looks at her now it’s almost too much, realizing all over again how much he loves her, how much of his life he’s shared with her and how much of herself she’s shared with him. 

Her expression shifts a little, from relaxed to slightly concerned. She moves her hand from where it’s resting at his chest to his face, too, stroking across his forehead and then his cheek. 

“What is it?” She’s looking at him curiously. “Did you want to check in at home? Mom and Jordan are going to call at five with the girls and Ollie, and then I said we’d call Alma and the boys after that, but we could-”

He just breathes out a laugh again, in spite of himself. “No, T, it’s okay, we can talk to them later.” There’s part of him that feels a little guilty for not worrying a little more about the kids right now - maybe he should. But he also knows they’re fine and happy where they are, and if they weren’t someone would have called by now. 

“Okay,” Tessa nods. “Good, me too.” She smiles again but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, like she’s still wondering what he’s thinking.

He brings both hands to her face now, stroking along the side of her forehead and the edge of her cheekbones. His fingers slide into her hair and his thumbs brush along her cheeks, framing her face. “I love you, T,” he repeats. “I know I said it before, but...I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Her smile broadens to a full grin. “Me too, kiddo,” she says, like it’s such an obvious statement that she’s surprised he’s so pressed to say it out loud. “Not to mention the next few days,” she adds. She leans in and kisses him gently.

“Yeah,” he agrees. “That too.” He kisses her again, thinking that he’s not nearly done enough of that in the short amount of time since he’s been up with her.  

“It’s  _our_ time right now, Scott, we can spend it however we want.” 

He smiles, letting his hands travel back down her shoulders and along her body. As her lips find his again he searches for the hem of her sweater with one hand and dips it underneath, finding the smooth skin beneath.  

At first Tessa yelps a little, reacting to the cool touch. But he can feel her smiling when she kisses him again, and then her leg shifts to curl around his. The blanket covers both of them as he leans back, letting Tessa press herself closer against him. 

“You’re right,” he tells her, kissing a path down her cheek and the side of her neck. “We can spend today however we want.” 

And they do.

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NGL I'm looking forward to trying out some new fics now that this is done, but I'm also definitely keeping a mental list of other scenes to come back too, since I won't be able to entirely able to let this group of characters to - thank you to everyone who's offered suggestions! If there are other moments you'd love to see be sure to let me know, here or over on Tumblr: https://carmen-sandiego-fic.tumblr.com 
> 
> Thank YOU for reading and commenting, this fic has been quite a ride but so worth it. <3


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